07x01 - Out of the Fire...

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Facts of Life". Aired: August 24, 1979 - May 7, 1988.*
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Spin-off of Diff'rent Strokes; focuses on Edna as she becomes a housemother at the fictional Eastland School, an all-girls boarding school.
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07x01 - Out of the Fire...

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Is anyone sitting here? No.

I'm looking for three girls:
one blonde, two brunettes.

Late teens, medium
height. Have you seen them?

No.

I knew it. They're
gonna miss the train.

I woke up this morning and
I said, "tootie..." That's me...

"Tootie, they're
gonna miss the train."

I don't know how I
knew. Call it a hunch,

Call it intuition, call
it a gift, I don't know.

I can't explain it. I won't try.

Thank you.

You know, I planned all of this.

I got the schedule,
I got the tickets,

And all they had
to do was show up.

Is that too much to ask?

Hold these seats, please.

Just because you can cram
all your clothes into a gym bag.

Well, at least I don't
need three porters.

Do you see three porters?

Where? Go on, show me.

All right, all right.

Share it with the others.

Jo!

Tootie.

Blair!

Tootie.

I missed you.

We missed you, tootie.

Can we sit now?

I saved your seats.

These are my
friends, blair and jo.

This is a complete stranger.

Pleased, I'm sure.

So tell me everything... Where
have you been, what'd you do?

What happened? Well, i...

Don't start. Where is natalie?

Tootie, take a breath.

She's gonna miss the
train, I just know it.

Tootie, there's nothing to
panic about. She'll make it.

And there's always
another train.

I made it!

Oh, natalie, you made it.

Did I have a choice? You
called me three times,

Then you sent me a
confirming letter,

Then you called to
confirm that I got the letter.

I took my phone off the hook,
you sent me a balloon-a-gram.

Look who's here, natalie's here.

Hi, guys.

The important thing
is we're all here.

Now I want to know everything
that happened over the summer.

Who wants to start?

I got fired.

Thanks for sharing that.

Jo, you go first.

Well, I worked at that
kids camp I told you about.

I thought it was gonna
be a breeze, it wasn't.

Kids again.

Heaven knows I love kids,

But if I have to
spend another year

Listening to her do-gooder,
social-working drivel,

I'm gonna lose my mind.

I feel good, you know.

That's important.

We have to feel like we've
accomplished something.

Yeah. What did you do?

Shopped.

But I found everything I wanted.

Do you know how hard that is?

But then I had
nothing else to do.

So I said to myself, you know,
you could do this professionally.

Tell me she didn't
shop all summer.

Of course she did. She's blair.

She's never gonna change.

On the way to her grave,

The procession is gonna
stop off at bloomingdale's.

I can say I changed
the fashion sense

Of 12 people in new york city.

Oh, you did their color
charts and everything?

The works.

You know, it's only
been two months

But you both have
changed so much.

We all have.

Natalie, what did you do?

Made a k*lling. $6.50 an hour.

Doing what?

Who cares? $6.50 times
40 hours, plus overtime.

That takes me
round trip to europe

And enough to stay
for three months.

I'm so happy for you.

Thank you.

I'd be happier if you'd
consider my feelings.

It's not that I want
to hold you back.

I mean, if you want to
go, who am I to say no?

I'm going to nail her
mouth to the floor.

I can picture it now.

She'd have a spike
through her tongue,

But the lips would
still be moving.

She'd just keep
whining on and on

About how she'd never do
something like that to me

Because she's my best friend.

And if it makes me feel good
to nail the tongue to the floor

Then she's glad
that I did it and...

Oh, excuse me, I
was just thinking.

Natalie, I understand
why you have to go.

You need those new experiences.

You've grown. You've changed.

Well, you all have.

Yeah.

Doesn't anybody
think I've changed?

Yes. Sure.

Oh, really. Like what?

Your hair?

It's nothing.

I've changed.

Did they ask you?

It's really nothing.

I just went to my
hairdresser, mr. Jeff,

And I said, "go
wild, make it me."

It's terrific.

Thanks.

You know, it's just great
to be back together again.

Can't believe this is going to
be my seventh year in peekskill.

The smallest, dullest town
on the face of the earth.

Another year the
people we know best.

I give us two weeks.

I'm gonna miss you all.

Tuesday's florence,
thursday's naples.

You'll be back. Face
it, we're inseparable.

You'll be back.
We're inseparable.

You know, I may
come off as a cynic,

But I envy you your friendships.

I wonder where she's
carrying her money.

Oh, my god.

How?

How?

There's nothing left.

A fire!

There's been a fire here!

We know.

There has been a fire here.

I can tell. Things are burnt.

Mrs. Garrett?
Girls, I tried to call.

What happened?

What do you mean, what happened?

A fire happened.

There has been a fire here.

Am I right or am I right?

This is jack humphries.

Trans allied insurance,
I'm here about the fire.

See, I told you
there'd been a fire.

Mrs. Garrett, what happened?

Well, we don't
know how it started.

Something in the kitchen.

The iron!

I forgot and I left it on.

Tootie, that was two months ago.

Two months? I left
it on for two months?

Oh, tootie, I turned it off.

I went out shopping yesterday.

When I came back
two hours later,

The fire was already over.

Oh, thank god no one was here.

The only real damage
was to the kitchen.

Oh, well, there's smoke
and water damage,

But at least no one was hurt.

Well, it's just the
kitchen and the shop.

And the living room.

Well, it's not that bad.

And your bedroom.

Our bedroom?

Exactly how bad is the bedroom?

No one was hurt!

I don't want to see it.

Now just don't worry.

My insurance policy

Will cover all your
personal belongings.

That you have a receipt for.

Or you could make a list.

Come on, imagining it is
probably worse than it is.

Wouldn't you just know it.

The one day I wear white.

Look. Whoa!

It's just plaster and wood.

Everything's replaceable.

It'll be all right.

You think they bought it?

I did.

My shop.

My beautiful...
Beautiful... Shop.

Everything is ruined.

Ugh, smoke and
soot and water, ew.

Well, look, the window's broken.

They must have pumped

A thousand gallons through here.

Wait a minute.
Where's my jacket?

Natalie, here's your photo album

And it's not even wet.

No, it's just melted.

Oh, there are black spots

Where people used to be.

Well, some of
them are all right.

Here's me and the black spot,

Black spot and a friend,

Ooh, and look, the black
spot goes to disney world.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. What?

Mr. Frog!

Mr. Frog?

What did they do to you?

You used to be so
happy and smiley.

Now you're a hideous lump.

My jacket! It's safe.

Oh, don't know what
I would have done

If this had been ruined.

It's a miracle.

Yeah.

Oh, here's a memory.

The black spot pets a baby goat.

This is just a setback,
but we're strong.

We can pick up and start again.

Oh, yeah? Tell that to the frog.

Go on, say it to his face.

You can't, can you?

You know why? Because
he hasn't got a face, tootie.

It's been chopped off.

Ok. Ok. This is the worst thing

That has ever happened to us.

But what?

Beats me.

Here, this'll cheer you up,

You and the black
spot playing badminton.

Tootie, what are you doing?

Cleaning up.

What's the point?

Blair, this is our home.

Take a look around, tootie.

I thought of a but.

What? Just listen.

Ok, all of our
things are ruined.

Ok, our guts have
been torn out by this.

But, there's always
a positive side.

Jo, she's going to be positive.

Don't let her do that.

Hey, she is just
trying to make us see

That there's something good
even in the worst situation.

No, no, I think
she's trying to say

That overcoming a struggle

Is what makes people grow.

You see, I got something
totally different.

She knows it's the pits

And she's just being annoying.

That's it. Got it.

Hi.

How's it going?

The best. We're
having such a time.

Sure. You're
upset. You're bitter.

I can dig it.

Thanks.

I just heard. I
couldn't believe it.

I rushed right over.

Come to andy.

Ok.

Feel better?

I know I do.

Now what can I do to help?

Well, we need to make a list
of everything that was ruined.

Say no more you got a pen?

Thanks.

One pen.

One jacket.

What do you mean?

She doesn't know.

Maybe we should start with
the big stuff like the beds.

And where we gonna sleep?

What do you mean?
We'll all stay here.

Tootie, come here.

Cheers.

So we'll sleep on the floor.

You can all stay with me.

Thanks, andy, but your
parents don't have enough room.

It's a time of crisis.

And I have that great big bed.

Andy!

Jo, it would really
help my reputation.

Oh, I promise,
nothing will happen.

Ah, thanks for the offer.

Well, I could stay at the hyatt.

I could always bunk in the dorm.

I guess that
leaves me with italy.

Sure. Cut and run.

Tootie, my travel agent has
put me on a really tight schedule.

I get to venice one minute late,

I miss my tour, I
run to catch up,

I fall in the canal, I drown.

All right. All right.

But if we do leave,

It's just a temp0rary thing,

Just until things
get worked out here.

Tootie, we've lived together
for the last six years.

Maybe it's time we move on.

How can you say that?

Come on, tootie, I mean,

It's not like we planned
on living together

For the rest of our lives.

That's the first
I've heard of it.

Have you got the list?

I'm still working on it.

We've made a decision.

And it's almost unanimous.

We're gonna get this
place back together,

Rebuild the shop...

Tootie, thanks for the offer,

But there's something
I haven't told you.

I'm tired of edna's edibles.

What?

Well, it's taken over my life.

In the beginning is
what I needed, but now...

Well, I could go
back to school...

Full-time!

Maybe start traveling again.

You mean, you're
gonna throw us out?

Oh, well, we'll talk about
where we're all gonna stay later.

You'll be all right.

We all will.

Come on, andy,
we've got work to do.

There goes one heck of a woman.

Yeah, she's something.

I admire her even
more for doing that.

What?

Lying for our sake.

Tootie, she doesn't
want the shop.

She's gonna go to
school. She's gonna travel.

She's gonna have
the time of her life.

And you believe that?

The one thing I know
about mrs. Garrett

Is that she doesn't lie.

I mean, the whole
time you've known her,

Have you ever known her to lie?

Sure!

Like when?

You remember that
time ron hooper called

And mrs. Garrett
took the message?

Yeah, he had to break our
date because he had the flu.

He didn't have the flu?

He wasn't even sick?

He hated my guts?

I knew that.

She knew the truth
would hurt too much,

So she lied.

How do you know that?

I listened in on
her phone calls.

Hey, I was young.

That doesn't mean she's
lying about the shop.

All right, look, let's
just give her some time

To think this through.

And if she really
doesn't need us,

Then you all can go,
no argument from me.

You promise?

No.

All right.

Ok.

I'll be here in spirit.

If I didn't have
my reservations...

Tootie, you're not going to
make me do the noble thing.

I'm packed. I got the brochure.

It's spring over there.

I may have an
audience with the pope.

I never even gave you a name.

My dorm's all booked up.

I have asked you not to do that.

What?

Walk through the window.

It only draws attention to
the fact that we haven't got one.

Anybody could be watching.

Oh, yeah, and this is a
real looter's paradise.

Oh, oh, whoa, they'll
come from miles to get this.

Wait a minute, I'll
save them the trouble.

Yo, come and get it!

Now we don't have to worry.

Do you believe what
the firemen left outside?

Where's mrs. Garrett?

Where have you been?

New york. We bought
some great stuff.

For the new store.

What new store?

Nat, you weren't
supposed to say anything.

It just slipped out.

What new store?

I'm not supposed to say.

It's a surprise.

You understand.

That mr. Humphries is a
man of his word, bless him.

Our checks came from the
insurance company today.

Natalie.

Blair.

Jo.

And toofie.

Mrs. Garrett, we have
some news for you.

Edna's edibles is a memory.

Well, thanks for the bulletin.

She's talking about
a new business.

It was my idea.

We went to new york

To find out what was really hot.

And we found it.

A hamburger lamp?

You want her to open
a hamburger lamp shop?

You have to open
your minds to this.

Think trendy, think
potpourri, think eclectic.

Think ugly.

It was nat's idea.

But this you'll die for.

A diana ross clothes hanger.

It used to have back-up hangers,

But now she hangs alone.

Are you dying?

You paid money for that, right?

14.95.

15 Bucks for a hanger?

I couldn't believe it either.

They couldn't
keep them in stock.

So we put all this kind
of stuff in one store...

Cards, gifts, whatnots.

But I don't want
another business!

Because it will tie you down.

Because you have
other interests.

Because you want
more time for yourself.

She thought of that.

And I took it into account.

The idea is to give each
person her own department.

For example... Blair, fashion.

I found a little old lady.

She makes them
in her spare time.

She has raw talent.

You could mold her, blair.

Yeah, I can work with it.

And jo, what do
you think of this?

It's a key chain, tootie.

A-ha! But let's say
you... Lose your keys.

Oh, my. I've lost my keys.

What shall I do?

Clap my hands, I guess.

[Beep beep beep]

Oh, they must be over there.

[Beep beep beep]

And mrs. Garrett, running a
business is hard work, isn't it?

Right.

But there's an aspect of it

That you truly find
therapeutic, am I correct?

Absolutely.

So when things get too much

And you want to
wind down and relax,

What is it that you do?

Sleep. Wrong.

Well, I also bake.

I know it's peculiar,
but it works for me.

Exactly.

And that's all you would do.

You would make
wonderful cookies.

No big shop, no big headaches.

Just one small corner
with a few stools.

Just one corner, huh?

And what do you do, natalie?

Nothing. I'm going to europe.

Right after she sets
up the greeting cards.

So what do you all think?

Mrs. G?

Thanks for all your effort.

It was nothing.

I did most of it.

But the truth is

I really don't want
another business.

I haven't got the
heart to rebuild.

I haven't got the money.

Well, you got your insurance.

It wasn't enough.

I didn't want to tell you
because I was too embarrassed.

I, uh, I never
updated my policy.

I'd call my insurance
agent several times.

I'd say, "hi, how are you?"

And he'd tell me about his
divorce and his bad teeth.

And I didn't want to
add to his problems.

Mrs. G, that is so... Dumb.

Can't you get a loan?

Oh, look at my collateral.

Oh, it's ok.

The store isn't my life.

Now... Now...

We're not going to
become strangers.

You know, I'm not used
to having money anyway.

So if it'll help,

You're welcome to
my insurance check.

That's a terrific idea.

We'll all chip in our
insurance money!

We will?

I couldn't take that.

It's for you.

She couldn't take that, tootie.

That's a great idea!

At least it'll help
you get started.

Ugh, you guys,
look at this place.

We could hold a
telethon for ourselves.

It's not that bad.
I've seen worse.

We'd have to find a
very cheap contractor.

Impossible.

We might get merchandise
on 30 days approval.

But it's doubtful.

We'd all have to want it.

We came close.

It's doable.

But I'd insist on one thing...

You wouldn't work for me.

We'd all be partners.

Partners? You mean 50-50?

Uh, 50-50... 50?

Good, jo.

We'll let you do the books.

Partners?

I could live in europe.

And every week you
could send me my profits.

Mail it to maxime's.
They'll know where I am.

Thanks, nat.

Just one more thing this store
of ours would have to stock.

Mr. Frog!

A brand-new mr. Frog!

It's impossible!

Where did you find him?

Paymart, they got
hundreds of them.

Girls...

I'd like to say
something about today.

Uh-oh, I hear a speech coming.

We're on the verge...

I love you, mrs. Garrett.

Please, keep it short.

We're gonna be here till monday.

Together in the good
times and in the bad.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Next week on
the facts of life...

Well, we still need a
contractor for the shop.

I could do it for
15,000, cost included.

He's adorable.

I can't come up
with another $1,000.

I'm tapped out. I'm
broke. I can do no more!

Everybody knows you don't
get into business with friends.
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