07x04 - Teacher, Teacher

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Good morning, children.

Good morning.

As you know, this week
I'm turning over the class

To a student teacher.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

As you also know, you're
still going to have to work.

Boo! Boo! Boo!

Is she the student teacher?

Very perceptive, ralph.

You picked her right
out of the crowd.

She's a junior at
langley college.

She has a lot of fresh ideas.

I'd like everyone to give a
warm welcome to miss polniaczek.

Warmer.

They're all yours. Have fun.

Thanks.

And no funny stuff.

I'll be around.

I'm everywhere.

Well, can everybody hear me?

Can everybody see me?

Any questions so far?

Yes, uh... Emily.

Why is your name weird?

Well, it's not weird.

It's polish.

See, it's spelled...
P, o, l, n, i, a...

C, z, e, k.

I take it back. It is weird.

We're not going to be
tested on that, are we?

No, no, of course not.

Mrs. Adams was telling me
you're studying south america.

So today we're gonna
talk about brazil.

Can anybody tell me what
the main export of brazil is?

All right. I'll give you a hint.

"Honey, this is delicious.

I think I'll have a second cup."

In the hills of colombia,
juan valdez grows...

A mustache!

The answer is coffee.

Now, a lot of brazilians
work in the coffee industry.

So think of how important that
one product is to those people.

When the world buys less coffee,

Everybody feels it.

Yeah, you have a question?

Yes, are we going
to be tested on this?

No.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

Oh, I get it.

I don't give you grades,
so you don't pay attention.

You're not gonna make
us feel guilty, are you?

We hate that.

Come on, guys.

Look, you gotta be here
till 3:00 anyway, right?

So why don't you
just give it a chance?

Now, a lot of work goes
into producing coffee.

The first stage is the planting.

Hum, hum, hum.

So the sun's rays are refracted,
reflected, and dispersed

Into millions of raindrops,

And this forms a rainbow.

A rainbow and a banana?

A rainbow and sex?

A rainbow and sex?

I was desperate.
Come on, they hate me.

Did they cut the
legs off your chair?

No.

Lock you in the cloakroom?

Any reptiles in your desk?

No.

They're crazy about you.

Hi, everybody.
What do you think?

It's green, it's drab, it's you.

The temp agency

Sent you to a dog food company?

No. They sent me
to a ballet school.

Let me try something.

There.

Now you can go
straight from work

To a broadway opening.

Natalie's providing a very
important service, tootie.

There's nothing wrong
with a little honest labor.

I know that, I just
can't imagine her

Working on an assembly line.

That's because you know me

As dainty and sophisticated.

You've chosen to make dog food
instead of going to princeton.

What's the point?

Life experience, sister.

The kind you get from working
with people with no teeth.

People whose backs
have been bowed

By carrying tons of kibble,

People like joe phipps.

Joe phipps?

Well, the guy's a legend.

In two short years, he's gone
from by-products to filler.

Hey, everybody.

Jo, I can't believe how
professional you look.

If you walked into my classroom,

I'd be sitting up straight

And sticking my gum
right under the desk.

So how was your first day?

The jell-o was runny.
That was the highpoint.

It's a lot tougher being on the
other side of the desk, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, you can't
talk to your neighbor

Because you're the teacher.

Teachers have no neighbors.

Mm-hmm.

So which approach
did you take...

Firm and uncompromising

Or "I'm a wimp,
walk all over me"?

Which would have been my choice.

I tried everything, I
just couldn't grab them.

Ah, it was your first day.
You'll grab them tomorrow.

Anybody want to work for jti?

Jti?

Jordan technical industries.

One of their recruiters
wants to meet with me.

"Because you've been highly
recommended by the dean of students,

"We would like to arrange a time

To discuss our various
training programs."

Jo, this is great!

Are you gonna do it?

Of course not.

I'm too busy working
up the courage

To go back to teaching tomorrow.

You've got it tough.

Today I was up to my knees

In chicken liver medley.

Jo, I'm going to
make a suggestion.

Now, I want you to keep an
open mind and hear me out.

Go ahead.

You work very hard.
You always have.

I for one would like to see
you get what you deserve.

Oh, gonna cr*ck
open your trust fund?

I'm serious. I know.

Look, jo, you're
bright, you're talented.

You could go
straight to the top,

Unlike some people who
sink right to the bottom.

You know, I could have a
teamster over here in five minutes.

Consider the possibilities, jo.

This is a terrific company.

Do you realize that
out of the four of us,

Jo's the only one who's out
there following her dream.

Ahem!

Oh, yeah, I forgot norma rae.

I'm not asking you to
abandon education.

And look, neither are they.

It says here they're
recruiting people

To develop educational software.

They want me to
work with computers.

I like the one-on-one contact.

Jo, I respect the fact
that you're so committed,

But teaching is not the
most secure profession.

The salary is pitiful.

You could get laid-off. Blair.

You could get knifed. Blair!

You could get laid-off
because you were knifed. Blair!

And you got a taste
today of how hard it is

To get those kids' attention.

I mean, look what you're
competing against...

Gremlins and
ghoulies and goonies.

Oh, I loved ghoulies.

Remember that scene
in the bathroom?

Yes! Do i!

When the ghoulies
start popping out of the...

I take it back.
You'll fit right in.

Oh, come on, look, blair.

I admit today
didn't go so great.

But just watch me tomorrow.

All right, that's enough time.

So who can tell
me, what's 1/8th of 80?

All right, guys,

What's more important
than learning fractions?

Bugs bunny, huh?

You like bugs?

Is it going to get
me in trouble?

No, it's not gonna
get you in trouble.

I like bugs.

You can't like bugs.
You're a teacher.

I'm part of a new breed.

I still like the flintstones.

Oh, I do, too.

I like them more.

How do you know?

I'll show you. See?

Barney...

Barney...

Barney.

Now, wait a minute. That
is not barney rubble.

No. That's my brother barney.

All right, ralph, when
you buy all these things,

Who gets your money?

Murray over at murray's toytown.

And the people
who make the stuff.

And who else?

What about barney?

No, barney's a
cartoon character.

He doesn't get a dime.

Sure. Rip him off.

Well, hold on now.

The cartoon company that makes
barney gets some money, right?

How much did I get?

All right, let's
figure this out, okay?

So say I'm the company,

Emily, you're gonna
be the manufacturer,

And ralph, you're murray.

Boy, have I got a headache.

You kids are driving me crazy!

All right, murray, all right.

Say stanley comes in

And buys one of these
things for $6.00, okay?

Ralph, what do you
do with the money?

I use it to buy aspirin
for my headache.

But you still owe emily money.

One, two, three... Thank you.

Well, hold on now, the cartoon
company has to get their cut.

So I'm gonna take this and this.

All right, now we all
have an equal share.

So what fraction
do we each have?

Who cares? For every
doll, you only get $2.00.

All right, say murray
raises the price to $9.00.

You owe me money!

We have to figure out how much.

I think I got it.

We each get 1/3.
That's $3.00, right?

Exactly.

And another thing... Hi. Hi. Hi.

Mind if I sit here?

Go ahead.

I say you can't
call it a salad bar

Unless it has radishes.

They have lettuce,
tomato, onions, mushrooms.

That's not a salad bar?

Not if they don't have radishes.

I'm sure that they have them.

They just didn't
have them that day.

Oh, I must've gone during
the great radish famine.

Oh, ha ha.

Scooby-doo.

My friends just packed
this for me as a joke.

Do you know anything
about salad bars?

Don't you get him started.

He should've been a food critic.

Instead he teaches third grade.

Is it my fault I have
a gourmet's taste?

Ding-dong?

Thank you.

Has anybody read the article

In teachers' quarterly

About the theory of
cognitive learning?

I glanced at it.

I haven't gotten
around to it yet.

I guess it is much better that
the kids learn things on their own

Rather than just
memorizing facts.

That's very true.

I suppose olives don't
count for anything.

Zip!

Grace, how are you doing?

How's life at the
head of the class?

You're not gonna believe
this, but I hooked them.

You know, it's amazing!
I just got on a roll

And things started to click!

Oh, congratulations.

She said I could do it.

I didn't think I
could, but I did.

I love rookies.

They got the fever.

Yeah, you want to
inspire everybody.

The only problem is the
more you want to teach them,

That's how much they
don't want to learn.

Do you really think that's true?

Some days I do.
Some days I don't.

Jo, you've got
the right attitude.

Hang onto it.

Mr. Gordon, taylor's
eating paste again.

Every day, a new challenge.

Don't let them discourage you.

Not a chance. Not
with you around.

40 Years and you still
love what you're doing?

Oh, I have off days,
but it's easy for me.

Teaching's the only
thing I ever wanted to do.

Of course, I used to
take part-time jobs

During summer vacations.

I was a secretary, a waitress.

I worked for a very
attractive doctor once,

But I'd always find myself
looking at the calendar,

Waiting for the fall
semester to begin.

You know, it's really good
talking to you like this.

Makes me sure I
made the right choice.

Choice?

Oh, no, nothing serious.

It's just that there's
been some interest

From this big corporation.

Have they offered you a job?

Well, a recruiter
wants to meet with me.

Must be the year of the woman.

You want some coffee?

Oh, yes.

Tell me about the job.

Oh, I don't really
know anything about it.

I don't care.

Jo, teaching can
be very rewarding,

But it also has its
very real drawbacks.

Do you know I'm still
driving a 1972 vega?

The car that rusted
in the showroom?

Mm-hmm.

That's bad.

Well, when I was starting out,

There weren't many
careers for women,

But now a woman can be
anything she wants to be.

Are you telling me I
should meet with this guy?

I'm telling you to give it
an awful lot of thought.

90... 91... 57... 58... Five.

Five? You got an
attitude problem, bub?

I think it is ridiculous

To wrap each
cookie individually.

Hey, I'm the one who
knows about packaging.

Down at the plant, we work hard

To insure the freshness
of our product.

Well, I've got two more
trays of cookies inside,

But cookies aren't enough
for a 40th anniversary party.

Jo, do I have time to
whip up something?

Oh, no, this is fine, really.

Oh.

The cake is beautiful.

"To grace, for 40 years
in the oldest profession."

That's noblest.

I don't understand.

Why isn't the school
giving grace this party?

They certainly owe it to her.

But they probably
don't have the budget.

I know what you're thinking.

I was thinking about why
you're giving the party.

Before that.

Before that?

I was thinking about me...

A beach on st. Thomas,

A few more minutes about me,

You working for
a classy company...

That's the one. I
don't want to hear it.

Jo, I'm not trying to tell
you how to run your life.

I was simply offering
a suggestion.

And I appreciate it.

Jo, it took you six months
of shopping around

To buy a new seat for your bike.

You're willing just to
rush in and choose a career?

Who's rushing?

Mrs. Garrett, tell her to
at least go to the interview.

Well, it wouldn't hurt to
hear what they have to say.

I thought you were on my side.

I am, but you're choosing
a very hard road.

We don't pay our
teachers properly.

We don't provide them with
good working conditions.

Instead of a decent pension,

How do we reward them?

By sending them off into space.

I know all the negatives,
mrs. G., Believe me.

Now, you heard the lady.

So let's get the lead
out and move those boxes.

Please.

I'll get the rest
of the cookies.

Jo, I'm sorry. I forgot.

You're not interested
in making money.

Blair, I'm not a martyr,

And I'm not looking
to be poor either.

Then just go to the interview,

If not for yourself,
for your family.

What are you talking about?

You know you're always
worried about your mother.

They're raising her rent.
She has to work too hard.

If you had a good job, you'd
be in a position to help her.

Let me worry about
my folks, okay?

It's my problem.

Ok.

Guys, get out of the bathroom.

I gotta go before
this guy gets here.

Hi.

Hi. I'm jo polniaczek.

I'm tom.

Horn. Right.

Won't you have a seat?

I can wait a second
if you need to...

No, thanks, that's ok.

So, tell me...

Why is jo polniaczek
right for jti?

Well, I'm not sure that I am.

You wanted to talk
to me, remember?

No offense, I admire
your products.

She likes our typewriters.

You know, to be honest with you,

I don't think I am right.

I'm just not willing to adapt.

To what?

Well, the corporate
image, the heels and hose.

The tweeds... They
always make me itchy.

Don't worry about that. We abandoned the
mandatory tweed rule a couple years ago.

That's good.

How else do you see
yourself having to adapt?

Well, I'd have to
learn to work alone

With just a computer.

I know there are advantages.

It's easygoing,
it doesn't smoke.

When you feel like italian,
it doesn't push for chinese.

Jo, the position is
far from solitary.

You'd be working with
a team of actual people.

Oh, really?

Your academic
record is excellent.

Lots of outside interests.
You're quite an activist.

I wouldn't say activist.

I do tend to get involved.

Projects, causes.

You're not happy with
the way things are?

Not always.

If there's something I
can do to change 'em...

You'll do it.

Right. You know, I don't know

Why I'm wasting
your time, mr. Horn.

Tom. Tom.

You know, steve mcqueen
did a movie called...

Yes, I know.

The point is I don't think
I belong in a big company.

Jo, I realize what
you're going through.

There was a time when I also
had a tough choice to make...

Should I join jti or should I go

Into my father's
thumbtack business?

Thumbtacks?

And pushpins.

So that's why you chose jti.

No, I chose jti because
it's a great place to be.

You seem to be
under the impression

That we're looking for
some ivy league robot.

We're not. We need people
with drive and imagination.

Jo, you've got both.

Are you offering me a job?

You can start right
after you graduate.

Why don't you let me go over some
of the details of the training program.

Great.

Could you just wait one sec?

Yeah.

Thanks for covering me.

Sorry I'm late.

It's a lovely party,
jo. Thank you.

Aw, forget it. Forget it.

So how did it go?

He liked me. He wants
me to be a trainee.

Great. What'd you say?

That it sounded good.

I gotta let him
know by 3:00 today.

What would you be doing?

Putting together
educational programs.

You know, it's weird, but I'd be
affecting hundreds of thousands of kids.

Oh, it sounds wonderful.

Oh, it's really a
great opportunity,

And you wouldn't
believe the benefits.

Benefits? I don't think I'm
familiar with that word.

Everyone, I'd like
to propose a toast.

To mrs. Garret, who
bakes a mean cookie

And does a mean step.

And to grace,

A member of our honored
profession for 40 years

And lived to tell the story.

Hear, hear.

You have taught
and touched us all.

40 Years, huh?

"In the beginning
of world w*r ii,

"The united states was neutral
but we did like england better.

"In 1941 we lent them
ships and weapons.

"Lots of ships and weapons.

"And cannons.

"Big cannons.

"But then something happened

That made us declare
w*r on the axle powers."

That's axis powers.

Right.

"In december, 1941, the
japanese att*cked pearl harbor.

"Then our men
were sent to fight.

"Then, according to
an expert, my grandpa,

"We kicked their pants

And everyone came home."

That was great, stanley.

I just have one question
about pearl harbor.

Yeah, go ahead.

Where was mr. Harbor
when his wife was att*cked?

No, stanley, see, pearl
harbor isn't a person.

It's the american port that
was bombed by the japanese.

Dumb, stanley. Really dumb.

Anybody could have
made the same mistake.

All right, guys, I'll
see you tomorrow.

Hey, don't forget those
math problems are due.

Thanks for sticking up
for me, miss polniaczek.

Ah, no sweat, we all make
those kinds of mistakes.

You know, when I
was a kid, I wondered

Since there was a baked alaska,

If there was also
a baked hawaii.

Well, I guess I'm off.

Miss polniaczek. Yeah?

Can I ask something
about world w*r ii?

Well, I'm a little rushed,
but if it's quick, go ahead.

Ok, it's real quick.

Why did world w*r ii happen?

Well, it's like you
said in your report.

The germans wanted other
countries to be like them.

So when they invaded
the other countries,

The w*r began.

No, what I meant was, why do
any countries want to fight

When they know how
many other people will die?

You're asking me to
explain why is there w*r?

If you got a minute.

A minute? No problem.

I'll probably have
ten seconds left over

To explain god and
the meaning of life.

No, just w*r.

All right, stanley. Sit down.

Ok. See, w*r is a concept.

Well, not so much a concept
as it is a state of unrest.

Well, what I mean is, the parties
involved can't peacefully coexist.

Do you follow me?

No, of course you
don't follow me.

I'm not following myself.

Um, look, this is a really
complicated subject.

So why don't we just
talk about it tomorrow

When we have some
more time, all right?

I really gotta
make a phone call.

Sure. No problem.

Stanley.

Come here. Sit down.

All right.

See, when people
have a disagreement,

They can solve it
in one of two ways...

Through peaceful means
or through v*olence.

And sometimes they
don't have the patience

To work for a peaceful solution.

So we should have gone
to w*r against h*tler.

We should just have been
patient with what he was doing.

Well, no, in that case, we
were right in going to w*r,

'Cause what he was doing
was so bad, we couldn't wait.