07x09 - Born Too Late

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take them both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life
the facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
got to go and show ♪

♪ You're growing
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life
the facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learning
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Hello.

I love you, edna.

I know you do.

Tell me again.

I love you, edna.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, girls. Hey,
mrs. G, nice bird.

Thank you. Where'd you get her?

It's a he... His name is basil.

You remember my friend ted?

How can we forget? You
left each other at the altar.

Yes, well, ted sent me basil

To let me know he's
still thinking of me.

Oh, how romantic.

Yeah, he gave you the bird.

Oh, basil's a very
romantic bird.

Listen.

Basil? What do you say?

I love you, edna.

Hi, birdie.

I love you, edna.

He's a one-woman bird.

Hi, guys.

Hey, andy. Hi, andy.

You know, I'd better start
thinking about contact lenses.

I can barely make out
these stage directions.

What stage directions, andy?

Act ii, scene i, very
complicated, very visual.

Something tells
me you're in a play.

A musical.

South junior high
presents "west side story".

Tough gangs at w*r on the
strife-torn streets of new york.

Isn't that a little ambitious
for junior high school?

It'll be a bear to cast.

Oh, not according
to our drama teacher.

He said our school
is full of punks.

Well, what part are
you trying out for?

Riff, the leader of the jets.

Andy, riff might be a
bit of a stretch for you,

Even as talented
as I think you are.

Well, I'll take
anything, really.

I just want to be in a scene
with mary beth keener.

A-ha!

The old land-the-part,
land-the-girl ploy.

Very clever, andy.

She sees you in the spotlight,

Suddenly she becomes
attracted to your...

Animal magnetism.

Well, I was thinking boyish
charm, but you're right.

Animal magnetism.

Unless you're playing maria.

Well, let's hear
you read something.

"I say this turf is
small, but it's all we got.

"I want to hold it like we
always held it, with skin.

"But if they say switchblades,
I got a switchblade."

No good? Too much inflection?

No, you just need some
fine-tuning, that's all.

When are the auditions?

Two weeks.

Well, why don't I spend
some time with you

And we'll see if we
can't get you that part.

You have to get mary
beth on your own, though.

Tootie, this is
really nice of you.

Well, andy, when you're a
jet, you're a jet all the way.

"Then stay a jet.

"Without a g*ng,
you're an orphan.

With a g*ng, you walk
in twos, threes, fours."

Andy, how do you
expect people to believe

That you're a g*ng leader?

'Cause it'll say
so in the program.

Let's try something, andy.

Now, good actors know
how to use their bodies.

It's a tool.

The way you use it tells
me what you're about.

Now, this guy is one tough dude.

That's how he got to
be the leader of a g*ng.

So let's see your anger.

Your clothes are
trouble and so are you.

Now take a moment to
focus and then give me riff.

"Then stay a jet.

"Without a g*ng,
you're an orphan."

Hold it, andy, hold it.

No good?

What if I got a tattoo?

Andy, I just don't
believe you're a jet!

A mouseketeer, maybe.

Tootie, what do I
know about gangs?

I'm a white-bread kid
who raises tropical fish.

Guppies.

I know, I know.

You've gotta help me, tootie,

I wanna be riff, or
at least riff-like.

Okay, then let's try
riff from the inside out.

You're gonna have to
become a whole new person.

Lose andy, put your script down,

We are gonna do a
little improvisation.

Grab that switchblade.

That's a cake Kn*fe.

Oh, right, we're acting.

No, no, I'm acting.

You're learning how to act.

Okay, now, imagine the scene,

You're up on the rooftop
with your pigeons.

It's hot.

But you're cool.

Because you're a jet.

Ready to solo?

Ready.

Now, who should
come up to the rooftop

But your worst enemy, bernardo.

That's me.

I knew I'd find you here,

A little man with
his little birds.

I don't like your kind.

You make my skin crawl.

Oh, yeah?

And you got cooties!

Cooties?

Is that the coolest thing
you can think of to say?

Get off of this rooftop!

I'm sorry, tootie.

I'm not tootie.

I'm bernardo.

Oh, right.

And it's time to rumble.

Oh, great, I love this part.

I'm calling you out, riff.

Come on, andy, let me
see you use your blade.

I hope you like the
feel of cold steel.

What was that?

That was a high kick.

We're doing a musical

And this is where we
start dancing as we fight.

Okay, andy, okay.

All right, let's take it from,

"How would you like
the feel of cold steel?"

Cold steel, huh? Try me.

Ow, ow!

Oh, are you all right, andy?

I think I pulled
something. What?

I'm not sure, but I think
someday it'll be important.

Well, do you want to keep going?

No, I'd rather watch you.

You're amazing.

Well, it takes study,
concentration.

Well, maybe if you do the
part over and over again,

I can imitate you.

No, andy, see,
acting isn't imitation.

It's committing to a character.

I wish we had more time.

I can make time.

Well, what are you
doing this afternoon?

Working with you.

Then get your coat.

I'm gonna take
you to see an actor

Who is totally committed
to a tough character.

Who we gonna see?

Stallone.

Enjoy the cookies.

I love you, edna.

I know.

He's got only one
thing on his mind.

I love you, edna.

Have a nice day, huh? You too.

I love you, edna. Let me
give you a little advice.

You know,

You can only tell a woman
you love her so many times.

Now, you don't want me
to lose interest, do you?

I love you, edna.

Good night, basil.

Oh, no.

Tootie's been working
with andy again, I can feel it.

How was rambo?

Who wants to know?

Look out.

That's very good, andy.

What are you looking at, red?

That's great, tootie.

You've taken a sweet
freckle-faced kid

And turned him into the
guest sleaze on "miami vice."

I am so proud of this guy.

He is totally
committing to the role.

Andy, you want some cocoa?

Cocoa? Take a hike.

Take a hike!

Is this a permanent condition or
can you come out of character?

Just like that.

I have found the
key to method acting.

Actually, tootie showed me.

She's quite a gal.

Quite.

She's changed my whole
approach to the work, to my life.

Oh?

What has tootie been
saying to you, andy?

It's not what she
says, mrs. Garrett,

It's what she feels.

Tootie is a woman
of talent, passion.

Deep passion.

She's complex, filled
with burning emotion.

How about a cold lemonade
instead of that cocoa?

Can I level with you guys?

Yeah?

I love her.

Well, that's great, andy.

We love tootie, too.

Don't we, guys?

Yeah, crazy about her.

No, no, you guys,
you're not reading me.

I'm talking about
"love," big "l," little o-v-e.

Andy, this... This
is all very sudden.

Maybe you should
take a little time.

I know exactly what
you're thinking, mrs. Garrett.

You do? The age
difference thing.

But that can be
a plus, you know.

She brings experience
into the relationship,

I bring the enthusiasm of youth.

I thought you had a thing
for mary beth keener.

Mary beth?

Well, she's great
for a seventh-grader.

Knows her integers,
top of the line.

But tootie moved me.

What I need to know
is tootie's situation.

Is there anyone in her life?

I don't want to step
on anybody's toes.

Well, I'm not real
sure, but you know,

I think she's still
dating that guy...

Uh, what was his name, jo?

Sid.

Sid who?

Should I worry?
Is he in any clubs?

Oh, andy, sometimes a person
feels the way he thinks he feels

When really, he thinks
he feels the way he feels.

So, I should go for it?

If mrs. Garrett says so.

Okay.

I'm gonna ask tootie

To the seventh-grade
dinner dance next saturday

And I'm gonna do it right now.

Hey, look, I know I'm short,
but I'm great at parties.

I'll never know
unless I ask her.

Oh, there must be another way.

How bad will you feel
if she turns you down?

Rejection is part
of an actor's life.

She taught me that, too.

This is terrible.

At least she'll
let him down easy.

Of course she will.

Tootie's very sensitive
about things like this.

It doesn't matter.
It's still a fall.

Why do crushes always
have to be so painful?

Love hurts.

I love you, edna.

He knows.

Well?

Well what?

Where's andy?

Oh, he's on his way home.

He went out the back.

So were you nice? What happened?

He asked me if I'd like to
go to the dance with him.

And you said?

Yes.

That was nice, all right.

Tell me you didn't
say yes, tootie.

Of course I did.

I don't think that
was such a good idea.

From what we just got
from andy, you're his woman.

A woman of passion
and burning emotion.

That crazy, impetuous,
accurate kid.

You can't go to
the dance with him.

You're getting into a
dangerous area here.

Nat, I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, tootie has a plan.

Don't you, tootie?

Thank you, mrs. Garrett,

For recognizing that I might
have some understanding

Of the male psyche.

What's the plan, dr. Ruth?

All right, I'll admit I
didn't see this coming,

But fortunately, I'm
able to think on my feet.

Andy is vulnerable now.

If I reject him,
he'll be devastated,

But by going to
the dance with him,

He'll see me in the middle of
all of those seventh-graders

And what's he gonna think?

That he's the biggest
stud in school.

That I'm out of place.

I give him the
opportunity to reject me.

He comes away from
this thing feeling great.

Interesting theory.

I think I'd prefer the
more direct approach.

"You're little, I'm not,
people will laugh at us"?

Look, I've had a lot of
experience being worshipped,

So if you need any
advice, all you have to...

Blair, I don't need any advice.

I'm quite capable of
handling the situation.

You know,

There is one possibility
we could've overlooked.

Tootie's actually
in love with andy

And this is a clever
way of hiding it.

You know, they would
make an interesting couple.

She could do worse.

And has.

Are you having fun here? Mm-hmm.

Oh, all right, come on,
we got better things to do

Than make fun of tootie.

I don't.

I have no plans.

I'm leaving now.

Oh, come on, we
didn't mean anything.

Let me talk to the paperboy.

Maybe we can double.

Let's try canyon country again.

Oh, andy, not canyon country.

We tried it nine times

And it was my least
favorite of the three.

Okay, I've got to get a
feel for its staying power.

We know it starts out bold,

But will it give on me
in a critical moment?

Andy, you're 13.

You won't be having
any critical moments.

Are you gonna help me or not?

You know, blair is really much
better at this kind of thing.

You think I didn't
ask her first?

She had a class.

Now try number
two, english mist.

Do you get mist?

Ugh, only from my eyes!

Will a girl go for a
guy doused with this?

Look, I told you, andy.

A girl is gonna go for a
guy who's got character,

Charm, a sense of
humor, understanding

And sleeps in a
barn... What is that?

Think tootie will
lose control with it?

Absolutely not.

$1.50 down the tubes.

Okay, I'm gonna have
to go to my bench.

My dad's private stock.

Now, I've left a little space
on the back of my neck.

All right, we're at a party.

I'm going to lean in and linger

And you tell me if
the earth shakes.

Got it.

Here I go.

Oh, those potato
puffs look interesting.

Um, no, no, thank
you, I think I'll pass.

Well? You know, andy,
I kinda like that one.

Yep, it's a classic.

A babe in every port.

I may have to date you myself.

Sorry, my heart
belongs to tootie.

Hey, guys... Whoa!

Andy's trying some
new aftershaves.

Very subtle.

Hand me a kleenex, will you?

Fancy andy, I'm just
gonna go grab a shower.

Hey, andy, have you
seen my address book?

Nope, haven't seen it.

Oh, here it is.

Hey, my life's in here.

So many memories.

Robbie chowski!

Robbie chowski?

So nat, has tootie told you
about our date on saturday?

She's mentioned it, yes.

Did she say anything more?

Well, she was
looking forward to it.

And?

And she knew you
would have a good time.

I see.

Did she say anything
about our relationship?

Relationship?

Andy, some women like to
keep their personal lives,

You know, personal.

Ah, an enigma.

Private, reclusive.

Oh, that's tootie all right.

Nat, you're her best friend.

She must have said something.

She always says what
a great kid you are.

Kid? Guy.

Did I say kid? She said guy.

Why would she say kid? Man!

She said man.

Right.

You know, it's okay if
she was fooling around.

She teases me
that way. She does?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

It's one of the best
parts of our relationship.

I can just hear her,

How she's afraid to wear
high heels to the dance.

She told you that?

Oh, yeah, we had quite
a chuckle about it.

I told her I could
always rent some stilts.

That's good!

Anything else? Let's see.

Oh, yeah, she said she
wouldn't dare wear her hair up.

That tootie.

Did she tell you I was gonna
pick her up on my skateboard?

She told me your ten-speed

And you were gonna
ride in the basket!

Hey, guys, listen.

Give me one minute to change
and then we'll start to rumble.

Rumble yourself.

Good, very good!

I'll ride in the basket, huh?

What'd you say to him?

Nothing!

We were just laughing about
the way you two kid each other.

But he said you two... Oh, no.

I'm sorry, tootie.

I love you, edna.

I'm warning you.

One more time and
I'm buying a big cat.

I love you, edna.

Do you want to see what
I used to do to chickens

When I lived on the farm?

I'll take this, please.

Oh, thank you. All righty.

Oh, my.

What a lovely bird.

First impressions.

I love you, edna.

Why... Did you hear that?

Oh, yes.

He said "I love you, edna."

How could he know my name?

Are you an edna, too?

My name is edna fisher.

I'm edna garrett.

Oh, how do you
do? I love you, edna.

Oh, now, isn't that
the sweetest thing?

Is he for sale?

Well, he was a gift,
I couldn't sell him.

Oh.

But I'd love to give him to you!

Oh, no, I couldn't.

I insist.

I really, really insist!

Oh, I've received so much
pleasure from this bird

And now I want to
share him with the world.

Oh, thank you, edna.

Thank you.

It will be so nice to have
something in the house

That I can carry on
a conversation with.

I have a husband,

But with him, I do
all the talking.

Hey, mrs. G, I'll close up.

Oh, thanks, tootie.

Have you heard from andy?

Not since he called jo
and cancelled our date.

I tried to call him
a couple of times,

But he always gets his
sister to say he's not at home.

Well, maybe he isn't.

Mrs. Garrett, I can hear him
breathing on the other end.

He had visions of the two of you

Riding off into the
sunset together.

Yeah, but he didn't see
himself riding in the basket.

Why did I have to say that?

It was very innocent.

He'll understand. You'll see.

Hello, tootie.

Andy!

It's good to see you.

Don't you look great.

Oh, this old thing?

With this old sales tag.

Here.

I can't stay very long.

I have to pick up mary beth.

You remember mary beth?

Keener, sure.

She's going to the
dance with me tonight.

We've gotten kind of friendly,
both of us being in the play.

You got the part!

Oh, andy, you'll
make a great riff.

Well, I didn't exactly get riff.

I play one of the thugs,
but it's a major thug.

I do all my knifing
right up front.

Well, you know what they say.

There are no small
roles, just small actors.

I guess I fit on both counts.

Anyway, mary beth
and I just hit it off.

You know how that
happens, romance on the set.

It sounds like things
are going great.

They are.

Except I miss you guys.

We miss you, andy.

Listen, I didn't get to
say how sorry I was...

Oh, you don't have to
apologize to me, tootie.

I can't blame you for
not being crazy about me.

But I am crazy about you.

You are one of the
dearest, sweetest...

Kids.

Persons I've ever met.

Our relationship is
very special to me.

You don't have to say that.

Andy, when you asked
me to your dance,

I was so flattered.

I mean, to be someone's
first crush, that's an honor.

Especially when that
someone is andy moffett.

Why'd you say you'd go with me?

Because I didn't want
to give you the speech.

You know, the one that goes,

"You're just going
through a stage.

"These emotions you're
having, they're not real.

"You're feeling them
but they're not real."

I thought if I went
to the dance with you,

You'd see what
wonderful friends we make

And what lousy dance partners.

I think I would have
preferred the speech.

I blew a lot of
money on aftershave.

If I were 13

And you asked me out on a date,

I'd be over the moon.

I just came along a
couple of years too early.

Oh, just my luck.

I fall for a girl
with bad timing.

I should apologize
to you, tootie.

For what?

For telling you how I felt.

I should have yearned
for you in silence.

Andy... You made
me feel very special.

I gotta go.

I want you to have this.

Andy.

Well, what about mary beth?

Ugh... That's okay, she'd
rather have the money.

Will you pin it on for me?

You look beautiful.

Have a good time.

♪♪