06x02 - Midnight Cowboy

[bunniefuu]

Jason: So he moved pout.That little no good, ungrateful...My son's gone.My first born.My Name's sake, if we decided to go that way.

Mike: I want to go to school here.

Maggie: Phillip Boynton State Teachers college.

Mike: Exactly.

Mike: Michael Seaver.

Mike: Uh, well just yesterday I convinced my parents I'd given up acting.

Maggie: So you lied to us?

Mike: Uh hu.

Jason: So you never had any intention of going to Boynton?

Mike: You got it.

Jason: Here's the deal; you want that same rent.You want the Seaver meal plan?Then you've got to study something.You've got to be a student.Study something anywhere, I don't care.

Mike: So you're saying that if I don't do what you say, you're making me move out?

Jason: No Mike.You're choosing to move out.

Mike: Why?

Jason: I don't know.You tell me.I like you living here.

Mike: Well me too dad.So what are we fighting about?

Jason: We're not fighting anymore.I want your decision in the morning.

Maggie: Jason!Jason!

Jason: Yeah honey.

Maggie: Jason, what are you doing?

Jason: I'm hugging my gal.And it's not just because you're beautiful Maggie.It's because together I know you and I can face anything.Even Mike moving out.

Maggie: Mike moved out!Oh you did it didn't you?You with your senseless babbling drove our first born away.

Jason: Remember honey, the important thing here is that our love will survive.

Jason: (In his head) You are making too much of this.She's an adult.She'll understand.

Jason: Maggie, you better put down that whip.

Maggie: Pardon me.

Jason: I have some terrible news.Mike has moved out.

Maggie: Oh, that's nice.

Jason: What, you're not upset?

Jason: (In his head) Yeah right.What am I doing?I'll just go in and bite the b*llet.Oh god.b*llet.

Maggie: Tell Mike to get here soon, or his three minute egg is going to be hard boiled.

Jason: Well Mike won't be having breakfast this morning.

Maggie: You decided to starve him into submission?

Jason: He's gone Maggie.

Maggie: What?

Jason: Gone.Mike moved out.His car, his clothes, everything.He moved out to do that stupid play.

Maggie: Oh, I can't believe it.It's just another one of his tricks.

Jason: Sweetheart, he took the toilet paper.

Maggie: My baby!But, but I thought you reason with him.I thought you worked everything out.

Jason: So did I.And I hate to say this Maggie, but I got to blame you.

Maggie: Me!Wait a minute; you're the one that talked to him last night.Alone, secretly.And you blame me?

Jason: That's right.Because when my sober reasoning didn't work, I tried your hard as nails approach.

Maggie: What stupid hard as nails approach?

Jason: You know the ultimatum that you didn't have the guts to give him face to face.

Maggie: I would never corner him like that.Stay in school or get out.

Jason: Now I think we say why.

Maggie: I can't believe my babies gone.I'm going after him.

Jason: To where?

Maggie: New York.

Jason: How do you know he's in New York?

Maggie: Jason, you know what city he's in and you stand there in your robe like Hugh stinking Heffner.

Jason: Maggie, come on.There's eight million people in that city.What am I supposed to do?

Maggie: Oh I don't know.I am just worried that my babies fallen into something terrible.

Mike: Thanks for putting me up for the night babe.

Girl: Any thing for you cowboy.

Mike: Boy I love acting!

Mike: Well she is saying some great stuff.

Mike: Boy I love acting!

Maggie: Jason I feel so terrible.I never got the chance to tell him goodbye.Bye Mike.It was fun raising you.

Jason: No it wasn't Maggie.It was a nightmare.

Maggie: Oh.So you're happy he's gone?

Jason: Not happy Maggie.I'm destroyed.I'm hurt.I'm at a loss here, but come on.I love that no good irresponsible selfish hard headed lofty opportunistic, dangerous, out law of son.

Maggie: He is so cute when he lies.

Ben: Look.Mum, dad, I know what you're going to say, but I don't care.This is what all the kids at school are wearing and if you ask me, I think it looks darn cool.

Jason: We have bigger problems Ben.Mike has moved out and gone to New York.

Maggie: Oh!

Stinky: My mother cried too when she saw me.

Ben: No Stinky.She's not crying about this.Mike moved to New York.We are talking window of opportunity here.I have a theory that Mike's old apartment is about to become bens house of pleasures.

Stinky: Alright!

Jason: Now honey look on the bright side.Mike might become rich and successful and never need us again.

Maggie: Oh!

Carol: Can you believe this?

Jason: Carol, shouldn't you be catching a bus?

Carol: Yes I should.But just look at me.

Maggie: Not now Carol.

Carol: Oh, is this a bad time for your daughter to have a breakdown?

Jason: Yes.Mike has moved to New York and we are pretty upset.

Carol: Mike has moved to New York!Well isn't that nice.Here I am a Columbia student who has to leave at seven am to make a ten o clock class.But do I live in New York?No.I have to wait at a bus stop and get splashed with mud by a traveling salesman, who then parks his car and offers to wipe me off without using his hands.

Jason: Carol, you better change; you are going to be late for class.

Maggie: So, what are we going to do about Mike?

Jason: Well I know we can't give in Maggie.I mean we can't just let him live here and be a bum.I don't know what to do.Our only hope is that he comes to his senses.

Maggie: Then we have no hope.

Girl: Don't leave me cowboy.Don't leave me.

Mike: Sorry babe, but I'm a traveling man and I gotta go.So I'll just say Yo!

Man: Ok.We may have to do a little work on this ending.People, that's it for today, and please, leave your address so we can send you your revised pages.

Mike: Oh, Bob, Bob, Bob.What do you do if you don't know your address?

Bob: Look inside your underwear.

Mike: I mean I haven't found a place yet.Do you know where I can find a nice clean apartment for say one or two hundred dollars a month?

Mike: Maurice.Listen, could you help me out?I mean is there any way I could get my first days pay now?

Man: Michael, nobody gets their pay until the play opens, and that's four weeks away.

Mike: Four weeks!How is a guy supposed to live?

Man: Well you could sell your blood.As a matter of fact I'm going right now.You want to go?

Mike: No thanks.

Girl: Eight seven five, central park south.Penthouse.

Mike: Ah Liz.Listen I was thinking, it would really help me understand my part if I could spend the night on your couch tonight.

Girl: Sorry.Tonight my boyfriends fighting for the Light Heavy Weight crown.

Kate: Mike!

Mike: Kate!Look, I know we haven't seen each other for a few months, but heck, we can't say that anymore.

Kate: How are you Mike?

Mike: Fine.Kate, Kate, I did it!I moved to New York and I'm starring in a play.

Kate: Broadway?

Mike: Off Broadway.

Kate: How far off?

Mike: It's a nursing home on the second floor.It doesn't matter.The point is, here I am and here you are.You seeing anyone?

Kate: No.

Mike: Me neither.Want to live together?

Kate: Mike.

Mike: Ok, ok.I know it was my idea for the two of us to be just friends, but, hey look, the question you got to ask yourself is; how meaningful do you want this friendship to be?

Kate: I would love to help you but...

Mike: hey look.Here's the truth.I just moved away from home.I've got a hundred bucks in my pocket and no place to live.It would only be for a couple of days.A week, six months tops.

Kate: I would love to help you but my mother's visiting.

Mother: Hello.

Mike: That's your mother?

Mother: You bet your but.

Mike: Charmed.

Kate: It is really nice to see you.Don't you know anybody else in the city?

Mike: Don't I know anybody else in the city!Kate, my book is filled.I just thought I'd give you first sh*t.

Kate: Thanks.

Mike: Kate.Any of the time we were going out, did I ever lend you money?

Mike: You're right.I'm sorry.Bad time to bring up money.I'll call you when the play opens.

Kate: I would love to see it.

Mike: You want to pay for two tickets now?

Mike: Grandma, it's your favorite grandson.And do I have good news for you.

Voice: Ladies and gentlemen.Mr.Jerry Vale.

Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry Vale.

Mike: Uh, is this my grandma Urma and Wally's apartment?

Jerry: Yes.I'm house sitting.I do that for all my fans.Wally and Urma are in the Bahamas.

Mike: The Bahamas!

Jerry: Yeah, it's a little chain of islands off the East coast.

Mike: well uh, look, Mr.Vale, it's like this.I am Urma's grandson Mike, and I just moved to New York to become an actor and I don't have a place to stay.What do you say?

Jerry: It's a tough break kid.It will make you a better person.So long.

Waitress: Hey.Hey.Hey!

Mike: Another cup of coffee please.

Waitress: You've been here for hours.If you want to stay you got to order some food.

Mike: Uh, well excuse me but that sign in the window clearly offers a bottomless coffee.Waitress: It also says friendly service.

Mike: Look lady, here's the truth.I'm an actor with no place to stay.Would you please cut me a break?

Waitress: You want a break?I'll tell you about breaks.Forty years ago I understudied Mary Martin in South Pacific and that broad never even once got sick.So I joined the circus and spent my reproductive years with w two headed man.Would you like to see a picture of my kids?

Mike: Uh I'm sure they're beautiful.

Waitress: Yeah right.Get out.

Music: Everybody's talking at me.I cant here a word they say.Only the echoes of my mind.People stop and stare.

Mike: Hey!That's my car.That's all I got.You know if I pay for impound I'll be broke.I got nothing.You know whose fault it is?It's my fathers.

Man: Here.

Mike: A buck.You're giving me a buck?

Man: Sorry, it's all I can afford.Its winter.

Mike: It's come to this.An anonymous homeless man gives me a buck.

Man: Otis.

Chrissy: Ben, you look stupid.

Ben: Chrissy, that's the first time you've ever insulted me.

Chrissy: No, it's the first time you've ever been in the room.

Carol: Where's dad?

Ben: Upstairs.

Carol: Dad, come down here now.

Ben: Our turf.Keep out.The Regents.

Carol: I was graffiti-ed Ben.By a g*ng of twelve dressed just like you.

Jason: Carol.

Carol: Dad, I need to talk to you.

Carol: But dad I have something to say.|I've reached a decision.

Ben: Apparently so have the Regents.

Carol: Oh good.You're here too.I have something to say to you.

Maggie: Honey, you've got paint all over your coat.

Ben: You should read her but.

Carol: Ben, go to your room.

Ben: carol, you can't tell me where to go.Anyway.I don't live there anymore.

Maggie: What?

Ben: I moved up to the garage yesterday.

Maggie: Ben, you don't move anywhere without permission.

Ben: Dad said it was ok.

Jason: Well Maggie, my point was that just incase Mike happened to come back, this would symbolically communicate to him that no individual is more important or larger than a family as an entity.

Carol: I'm still here.

Jason: Why is that?

Carol: What do I have to do to get your attention?Wear vinyl like Ben?

Maggie: Ben's wearing Vinyl?

Ben: Leather.

Carol: I can't take this anymore.This commute is k*lling me.

Jason: Honey, I think there's something important going on here, and we have been too preoccupied with Mike to even notice it.

Carol: Finally dad.

Jason: Carol's dropping out of school.

Maggie: What?

Carol: I'm not dropping out.

Jason: Finally that's solved.

Carol: Listen.If Mike can live in the city, so can I.

Maggie: Oh no you don't Carol.You can save your breath.You're not moving anywhere.

Carol: You haven't even heard what I have to say.

Jason: It's true Maggie.

Maggie: Not another word.

Carol: What?

Jason: I think what your mother's trying to say is maybe this isn't the right time.

Maggie: I'll tell you what I'm trying to say, thank you very much.

Jason: Honey I'll talk to her.It's ok.I can take care of things.

Maggie: Oh, like you took care of things with Mike?

Jason: Oh, so now we're blaming me all of a sudden.

Maggie: No, I blamed you all along.

Jason: You could hear the truth hu?

Maggie: Jason, I am going to handle this.Ok?Ok?Ok?Ok?Alright, where were we?Carol: Well I was.....

Maggie: Selfish!You think I'm keeping you here for me?

Carol: Bingo.

Maggie: Carol, what would I possibly gain by having you here?

Carol: Oh, thank you very much.

Maggie: Honey, I just mean that maybe you're not ready to move out on your own.

Carol: How am I not ready?Name one thing.Just one.

Maggie: For one.For one.If you were adult enough to move out, you'd be adult enough to know that this is a rotten time to be having this stinking conversation.

Carol: So I'm trapped here until I die?

Maggie: No honey, the odds are you'll out live your dad and I.

Carol: You know the best thing Mike ever did was move away from here.

Maggie: oh really?

Carol: Yeah.At least he had the good sense to get away from you.

Maggie: Me?

Carol: Yeah.I'll tell you something else.If I had the money, I'd do the same thing.

Maggie: Is that all that's keeping you here.

Carol: Yes.

Maggie: Well here.

Carol: What are you doing?

Maggie: Far be it for me to stand in you way.A blank check.You want to move, move.You're free.

Carol: Great.Great.I can be out by tonight.

Maggie: You do that.

Carol: Good.

Maggie: Good.

Maggie: Oh!

Chrissy: Mummy.

Maggie: Yes pumpkin.

Chrissy: Can I have Carol's room?

Mike: (in his head) let's see.Let's see.Dad, the reason I'm home is because you were right.Forgive me.

Jason: Looser!Looser!

Mike: I should talk to mum.Mum, your baby boy is home.The real world was really rough on him.

Mike: (in his head) What the heck am I doing here?Oh right.I got no where to go.

Carol: Mike, what are you doing here?You look filthy and disgusting.

Mike: Uh, uh, yeah but after I have a shower I will be fine.

Carol: Do me a favor.Don't look me up when I'm in New York.

Mike: I won't.Wai, wai, wait a minute.What do you mean when you're in New York?

Carol: Yeah, I'm moving there.

Mike: What?

Carol: Uh hu.Mum gave me a blank check.

Mike: Wait.This is some kind of joke.Right?

Carol: Nope.With mums money I am finally on my own.

Mike: Carol, what an amazing coincidence.Here you are on your way to New York, and here I am on my way back there.Why don't I give you a ride?

Carol: You'd do that?

Mike: Oh yeah.And Carol, I also hope to ease your first few troublesome days in Manhattan.

Carol: I don't trust you.Perhaps I should try a different broke.

Mike: A broke!Carol, I've got a car.

Jason: May I come down now, or will I just be in the way?

Maggie: No.

Jason: No I can't come down, or no I won't be in the way?Honey, if I am in the way, I'll stay in my room.

Maggie: It's not that.Its just Carol's gone.I gave her a blank check and now she's moving to New York and she'll never speak to me again.

Maggie: Jason stop.She doesn't care.She hates us.

Jason: Maggie all kids hate their parents at some time.It's perfectly healthy.Didn't you ever hate your parents?

Maggie: No.They didn't do anything to upset me.

Ed: You hoo!Hey guys.

Maggie: Dad.Oh I hate it when they drop in like this.Always interfering in my life.

Ed: So what's the good word?

Maggie: Oh daddy, Mike moved to New York and Carol too.

Ed: Are you happy now that you've driven out two of my grandkids, you quack?

Jason: I'm in no mood for you Ed.We were doing just fine until you showed up.

Maggie: Oh the hell we were.

Grandma: Oh, I sense tension.

Ben: Hey guys.Keep it down, I got some people over.

Mike: Is twenty thousand dollars hyphenated?

Carol: Why?

Mike: No reason.

Carol: You were thinking about my blank cheque, weren't you?

Mike: No.

Mike :( in his head) I was thinking about our blank cheque.