06x22 - Carol's Carnival

[bunniefuu]

Ben: There you are.My favourite person.My hero.My pal.My role model.Do you have a second?

Chrissy: No.This is my favourite cartoon.

Ben: No.I was talking to Mike.

Mike: No, it's my favourite cartoon too.

Ben: Mike listen, I.

Chrissy: Hey!

Ben: Listen.I need you to drive me on a date tonight with a girl, who quite possibly could be your sister in law.

Mike: Come on Ben.Get mum or dad to drive you.

Ben: That would ruin everything.This babe is fifteen years old.

Mike: Oh, fifteen.A ripe woman.Good one Bennie.

Chrissy: What's a ripe woman?

Mike: well Chrissy, it's kind of hard to put into words.

Chrissy: Is Carol ripe?

Ben and Mike: Ha ha.

Chrissy: Like you guys are so hot!

Ben: Please Mike.Please will you drive me?This girl is like no other girl I have ever met.She actually likes me.

Mike: Well this I s have go to see.Alright Bennie.I'll drive you.

Ben: Great.And I also need you to ffaafafafaf.

Mike: What was that?

Ben: I need you to find a date for Trish's brother who is home from college.

Mike: Wo wo wo.You expect me to find a date for this crazy girl's brother?

Ben: I'm just asking you for one woman.You've got hundreds of them.

Mike: Not anymore.Just lately I've been seeing one.Kate.

Ben: Oh.She's a little tall, but ok.

Mike: No Bennie.He can't have Kate.We have a very special relationship.

Ben: I'll wash your car for a month.

Mike: Does that include white walls?No, that would be wrong.

Ben: I am desperate.Where am I going to find a college aged girl who is available at such short notice?

Carol: Ben, I'm just driving you and this girl.Why do I have to meet her parents?

Ben: Why?So they can see what a safe driver you are.

Carol: That isn't true.

Ben: Oh and by the way.If Trish's brother asks you, you were blonde until five o'clock today.

Carol: What?

Ben: How else could I get him to go out with you?

Carol: I am not going on any dates.

Ben: Carol.I am bigger than you.I could k*ll you.

Trish: Hi Benjamin.

Ben: hi Trish.You're going.

Trish: What were you so worried about?She's not so bad.

Carol: Not so bad!

Brad: Hi.I'm Brad.

Carol: Apparently my brother has given you the impression that you and I are going.....Yale!

Brad: Uh hu.

Carol: Let's party.

Trish: That was great Benjamin.Wasn't that great?

Ben: Oh I loved being upside down with you in that skirt.

Brad: How did you like it Carol?Carol!

Carol: Boy that was fun.What's next?

Brad: Parachute drop.

Ben: How about it Trisha?Up for a little free falling?

Trish: Oh, you are so nasty.

Carol: Um, I think I'm just going to sit this one out.

Brad: Well um, heck so will I.

Carol: Ok.You know a lot of people get nauseous.

Brad: Are you going to up chuck again?

Carol: No, no.And I'm sorry about your shoes.Look, I'm not really a Carnival kind of girl.I mean I feel more comfortable in museums and theatres and libraries.If you are a Shakespeare nut, I'm your girl.Quote any line and I'll tell you which play it's from.

Carol: Who?

Carol: See you.I took five years of piano lessons.

Trish: Where's my brother?

Carol: Ben, I'm going home.

Trish: Oh he dumped you.

Carol: For your information, he didn't dump me.I dumped him.Ok.I'm going home Ben.

Carol: You heard me, the Carnival is over.

Ben: I'll find you another date.Hey, are there any lonely guys out there?

Carol: We are going home.

Ben: Carol, please give me two more hours?Have pity on a brother who has never done any harm.Yet.

Trish: Oo Ben, you are nasty and mean.

Carol: Alright, I'll give you an hour but not a minute more.

Ben: Two hours.Perfect.

Carol: Ben!Nine o'clock.One hour exactly, by the Ferris wheel.

Ben: Midnight, got it.

Carol: Nine o clock exactly.

Ben: Got it.One am.

Carol: (in her mind) Ben, if you are not here by the time I count to three I'm leaving.One, two...

Jake: Hey beautiful!Hey you darlin!You've been warming up that bench for forty five minutes.Are you going for a ride or not?

Carol: Risk my life on a flimsy wheel with single bolt construction!No thanks.

Jake: Oh, what's life without a little risk taking?

Carol: Oh god.I've encouraged him.

Jake: What?

Carol: If you must know, I'm waiting for my little brother.

Jake: Well from up there darlin, you can see everybody.

Carol: No thanks.

Jake: So what does your brother look like?

Carol: There is no one running your ride.

Jake: Oh let it spin darlin.I see a woman in distress.

Carol: I'll tell you what.If you stop calling me darlin, I'll go for a ride.

Jake: No problem...sweetheart.

Jake: Don't worry darlin.Wheel is jammed.

Carol: Well unjam it.

Jake: I dare not with single bolt construction.

Carol: What?

Jake: Kidding.Just sit tight.Which carte are you in?Everybody stay calm...Nothing to worry about.

Carol: Get me off this death trap.

Jake: We got it going now darlin.Ohh ahh!

Carol: Are you alright?

Jake: It's my ankle.Damn that hurts.Oh ah.There's my trailer.Ooh, ooh.The beds over there.

Carol: The bed.I'm sorry; I'm just not used to carrying men around.Does it hurt bad?Do you need some ice on it Mr...?

Jake: Jake.Jake Landau.

Carol: Hi.I'm Judy Jones.

Jake: Nice to meet you Judy.Oh, the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Jake: Yeah, verily sweet Juliet.I like to read it in the lonely hours of the night.

Carol: Wow.

Jake: Are you surprised?

Jake: Could read?

Jake: Life's but a walking shadow.A poor play that...

Carol and Man: struts and frets its hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.It is a tale told no more by an idiot.

Carol: Ben!

Jake: What?

Carol: I have to go.

Jake: Stick around.I don't get much chance to talk Shakespeare.

Carol: I can't.I'm sorry.I have to go ruin my brothers bed time.It was nice meeting you.

Jake: Hey Judy, wait up!Wait up!

Clown: Hey Jake.

Jake: Hey Bink.

Clown: I see you found a live one.Show her a good time yet?

Jake: I'm working at it.

Clown: He gets all the babes.Me they laugh at.I don't get it.

Carol: Ben!Ben!Ben!Great, he's not here.

Carol: No.The kids probably having so much fun he lost track of time.

Jake: There's nothing wrong with having fun.

Carol: I didn't say there was.It's just that my idea of fun is a little bit different.

Jake: Have you tried the whip?

Carol: Excuse me?

Jake: The whip.

Carol: Oh, you mean the ride.I'm not really the whip kind of girl.

Jake: Give me five minutes.I watch them from up there every night.Here comes the grand finale.

Carol: I guess I have to be getting home then.

Jake: Why?

Carol: Well cos the Carnival is going to be over.

Jake: Maybe.

Carol: Everyone is going to be going home.

Jake: I don't know about you, but I can't wait for them to leave.

Carol: What are you talking about?

Jake: When they're gone, it will be our Carnival.

Carol: I've never had my own Carnival before.

Jake: Then you are due.This is when I like the Carnival best.There is no one here, but if you listen real close, you can still hear the laughter.

Carol: You never have to go home.You get to stay here every night.

Jake: Yep.So what is your pleasure?

Carol: Well, we haven't tried the parachute drop yet.If you are in for a little freefalling.Oh!Ben!I forgot about my brother.

Jake: Judy relax.He probably found another way to get home.

Carol: Well I'm not worried about him.It's just that I never forgot that he existed before.What a wonderful feeling.

Jake: So you are not worried about him?

Carol: No.

Jake: Let me show you my favourite place, where anything is possible.

Carol: Oh, I want to go here.

Jake: But this is just photographs.I'm talking magic.

Carol: I thought this was my Carnival.Oh, this is great.

Jake: You really shouldn't touch those costumes.

Carol: It's my carnival.I'll touch what I want to touch.Touch touch, touch, touch.So, what costume do you want to wear?

Jake: Uh?

Carol: What do you want to be?

Jake: I don't know.What do you want 矢o be?

Carol: What would I like to be?Well I would like to be a woman who's considered desirable and attractive and fun.But without giving up my intelligence, or drive, or dignity.And I would love to have enough self confidence so that it wouldn't be some guy from Yale dumping me, but me dumping him.

Jake: I think that costume is being cleaned.

Carol: Ok then.How about a stripper?You don't have to dress up.Just be in the picture with me.Ha ha ha.

Jake: You are a dangerous woman Judy Jones.Dangerous woman.

Carol: So, what do you want to do next?

Jake: What do you think?

Carol: Hmmm.

Jake: Hmmm.

Maggie: Carol?

Jason: Ben, wake up.

Ben: What?

Maggie: Where is carol?

Ben: Isn't she in her room?

Jason: No.But the car she drove is in the driveway.Explain that?

Ben: Uh, I can't.Goodnight.

Maggie: Ben, level with us.Did carol come home from the carnival with you, or not?

Ben: No.

Jason: Well how did you get home?

Maggie: You drove?Again?

Ben: No.I learned my lesson.Trish drove.

Jason: I thought she was fifteen.

Maggie: How did she get a license?

Jake: Keep your eyes shut.Keep them shut.

Carol: Ok, ok.

Carol: Yes.

Jake: This is the place.Open your eyes.

Carol: A fun house.

Carol: Jake!Jake!

Jake: Over here darlin.

Carol: Don't leave me alone like that.

Jake: Over here.There's nothing in here that is going to frighten you.

Carol: Now this is how I see myself.

Jake: You are the skinniest fat woman I know.

Carol: Well this is how I used to look.

Jake: I don't believe it.This is how you look today.

Carol: Well this is how I wish I looked.

Jake: This is how you look.

Carol: No.It's the mirror and the lights.

Jake: No it isn't.How do I look in the mirror?

Carol: Terrific.

Jake: How do I look in person?

Carol: Terrific.

Jake: What does that tell you?

Carol: I like the way you look.

Jake: You take my breath away.

Carol: Is it getting a little warm in here?I mean maybe we should...(kiss)

Jake: You know we could be so much more comfortable, say, in my trailer.

Carol: Trailer!

Jake: Don't get the wrong idea.I'd be happy to stay here too.

Carol: The wrong idea.Let's go to your trailer.This isn't anything like I thought it would be.

Jake: What isn't?

Carol: The trailer.The books.You.I wouldn't change a thing.Particularly you.It's perfect.

Jake: What's perfect?

Carol: This night.You make me feel so beautiful.

Jake: What we are going to do here tonight Judy is...

Carol: Jake.I don't want a lie to be any part of this night.My name isn't Judy.

Jake: What?

Carol: I only told yo矢 that because I was afraid of letting a stranger get too close to me.My name is Carol Anne Seaver.

Jake: Well it's nice to meet you.

Jake: It's ok.

Carol: And I got o school at Columbia Pre Law, but I'm not really sure anymore.

Jake: I don't need to know all this.

Carol: I need for you to know all this.I need you to know me.

Jake: I know you plenty.

Carol: I never really dated too much because I never really thought that men were interested in me.Until you showed me.

Jake: Look carol, Judy, whatever your name is.I don't care.

Carol: You don't have to tell me anything about you.Because I trust you.

Jake: Shut up!

Carol: What did I say?

Jake: Look, its getting late.Why don't you go home or something?

Carol: Look I'm sorry if I said something to upset you.Goodnight.

Jake: Stop your crying darlin.

Jake: You got it all wrong.You don't know how well it worked out for you tonight.

Carol: Are you kidding?A guy I don't even know, from Yale.Dumps me.And another guy, that I am ready to do...some important stuff with, kicks me out of his trailer.There is obviously something wrong with me.

Jake: Something wrong with you!What are you doing?Looking in one of those funny mirrors again?

Carol: I'm just seeing things the way they are.I'm not attractive to be with.

Jake: You got it all mixed up.You are beautiful Carol.You can't go around waiting to hear it from guys like me, because you don't know who they are or what they want.They could hurt you.

Carol: You are not like that.

Jake: Oh I...used to be.

Carol: Did you mean it when you said I was beautiful?

Jake: Don't you listen?Don't ask me.Say to yourself "I'm beautiful and any guy who doesn't want me is a damn fool".

Carol: I can't say that.

Carol: What?Out loud?

Jake: Yeah.

Carol: People will hear me.

Jake: That's the point.Shout it."I Carol Seaver"

Carol: I Carol Seaver.

Jake: Louder.

Carol: I Carol Seaver am beautiful.

Jake: Shout it.

Carol: I'm beautiful.

Jake: And?

Carol: And any man who doesn't want me is a damn fool.

Jake: Wooo hooo.Yeah.

Carol: Ha ha ha.I am never going to forget this night.

Jake: Neither am I darlin.Neither am I.

Maggie: Carol!Honey, are you alright?

Carol: I'm beautiful.

Jason: What the heck happened to you?

Maggie: And why are you dressed like a gipsy?

Carol: I am aren't I?

Jason: I want to know what's been going on tonight.

Carol: Magic.

Jason: Magic!

Carol: Mum, isn't this a wonderful place?

Maggie: Well, I'll let you know after you tell me what you mean by magic.