06x07 - The Moonlighter

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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06x07 - The Moonlighter

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot, so what

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

- Thank you, thank
you very much children.

That was very good.

Thank you for your portrayal

of the home life of
the ancient Greeks.

I am so inspired by Greek
culture now that tonight,

I'm gonna go home and
watch a rerun of Kojak.

Okay now, the
last group for today

is gonna be doin' a
skit that they wrote

dramatizing the highlights
of Homer's epic poem

The Iliad, which
was later condensed

in that Greek magazine,
Reader's Digestus.

Okay, you ready Arnold.

- Yes, Mrs. Jenkins.

Oh come on up here.

- All right.

- Okay.

Class, this is about the
w*r between the Greeks

and the Trojans, the Gs
and the Ts to you, okay?

Now, the Trojans lived
inside the city of Troy

and the Greeks had
been trying to get over

this very high wall
for nine long years,

and all they ever
got for their troubles

was a spear in the rear.

Then, all of a sudden, one
day a very smart Greek cookie

by the name of
Ulysses, skillfully played

by Arnold Jackson here,

came up with an
absolutely brilliant idea.

The story begins.

- Men, behind the wall.

- Well, here we are in Troy,

safe behind our walls,
which are impenetrable.

That means ya can't get in.

- And here we are just outside

the city limits of Troy,
frustrated and weary.

- What are we gonna do, Ulysses?

The men are demoralized
and dying of hunger.

- Stop complaining.

I could us a Big Maccus myself.

We're gonna b*at you Trojans
if it's the last thing we do.

We're Greek and we're bad.

- I suppose that's ancient
Greek for no way, Jose.

- I've got to find a
way to get into that city.

Winter is setting in and my men

are freezing their togas off.

Freeze, man.

So, how's the morale
of the troops, lieutenant?

- Rotten.

- What was that?

Speak up.

- I can't, I'm hoarse.

- That's it, we'll build
a wooden horse!

- Say what?

- We'll tell the Trojans
that it's a present,

and they'll let us wheel it in

through their
gates into the city.

Little do they know
that inside the horse

will be our fierce
and noble troops.

- Ulysses, that's just
crazy enough to work.

- Of course, it is.

We'll conquer the
city or we'll die trying.

- Will you be with us?

- Uh, I'd like to be,
but unfortunately,

I'm a general and
you're cannon fodder.

Now then, I need a horse.

Here is the front of the horse.

Okay, here ya go.

Now, I need the horse's rear.

- Why me?

- Well, you've always
been a little behind in class.

All right, now then,
the rest of the troops,

into the wooden horse.

- Oh, well, it looks as if Troy
has been saved by the bell.

That was very good,
children, very good.

Arnold, you did such
a good job at writing.

I guess when it
comes to history,

you've come a long way baby.

- Aww.

Can't we finish, Miss Jenkins.

I've got a hot horse here

and we're leaving
him at the starting gate.

- Yeah, we wanna see
how the w*r turns out.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Please!

- No, no, no, hold it
history fans, hold it, hold it.

You have got to get
to your next class.

So, we'll finish this
up tomorrow, okay?

- Okay, all right.

- Oh, and don't any of you
forget to stop by your homeroom

and pick up your report card.

- Goodbye.
- Bye bye.

- Come on, fellas,
can't you speed it up?

I wanna see my report card.

- I'll probably be
stuck with an A again.

Some day, I'd like to get a B

just to see how
the other half lives.

- Well, to some of us
dummies, a B is a big deal.

I think I'm gettin'
one this term.

- That'd be something.

You've never gotten
higher than a C in history.

- Hey yeah, but I never
had Mrs. Jenkins before.

I get good vibes from her.

- Me too.

She sure is pretty.

- I don't mean like
that, hot breath.

You don't appreciate a terrific
teacher when you see one.

- Maybe not, but I sure
appreciate a terrific pair a legs.

- I'm with him.

- Animals.

- Hi g*ng, the breadwinner
of the family's home.

- The bread eaters
are glad to see you.

- Did ya have a nice
day at work, dad?

- Oh, terrific, great
day, never felt better.

Will you just excuse
me for a minute.

I've got a phone call to make.

Hello, Dawd, it's Phil.

Listen, I'm afraid I've
come down with the flu bug.

I feel awful.

The doctor said I should
stay home tomorrow,

but that would mean I'd
miss the board meeting,

and I don't wanna do that.

Fine, could you
carry on without me?

Well, I'll be with ya in spirit.

Excuse me, thanks Dawd.

Goodbye.

Woo!

- You look pretty
good for a dyin' man.

- Yeah, the undertaker
won't even have to touch you.

- Look, I really didn't
wanna miss that meeting,

but tomorrow morning is
the only time that Eddie Grant

has available for me
to play tennis with him.

- Well, as long as it's for
something important, dad.

- Well, it is
something important.

I gotta b*at that guy just once.

So far, he's been
on a lucky strike.

- Yeah, for three years.

But who's counting, daddy?

I'll be rootin' for ya.

- Hi everybody!

Hey Arnold.

- Hey Arnold,
how's it goin' today?

- Oh man, what a
great day at school.

- What happened,
did the board of health

condemn the cafeteria?

- Dad, feast your
eyes on my report card

and weep tears of joy.

- Joy?

So far, I've only
been weeping tears.

Arnold, these
grades are wonderful.

I'm flabbergasted.

- I figured it would
get to your flabber.

- Look at this guys, he
pulled up all of his grades,

and he got an A on history.

- Hey, way to go.

- You should be
on That's Incredible.

- I'm very pleased, son.

History's always been
your worst subject.

- Yeah, I remember
when you thought

Plymouth Rock
was a musical group.

- Well anyway, that was
before I met Mrs. Jenkins.

She's a really terrific
teacher and a really nice lady.

In other words, just
your basic goddess.

- Ooh, daddy, did you hear that?

I think Arnold's got a
crush on his teacher.

- It's not that at all.

- Now, that is nothing to
be ashamed of, Arnold.

It's perfectly natural to
have a crush on your teacher.

I did when I was your age.

To this day, I still
remember Mrs. Norton.

- What'd she look like?

- Ooh, she was about 60,
wrinkled, she wore thick glasses,

and her stringy gray hair
looked kinda like a bird's nest.

- How could you have a crush

on someone who looked like that?

- Well, I only had two teachers.

It was either her
or Mr. Rumblemyer.

- Oh, I don't have a
crush on Mrs. Jenkins.

She's pretty, but our
relationship is strictly professional.

- Arnold, if you
got an A in history,

she's not only a good
teacher, she is a miracle worker.

- Well, I gotta
go hit the books.

Tomorrow, we're gonna study
some guy name Diogenes.

- Diogenes, oh, you'll
enjoy that Arnold.

He was the fella that walked
through the streets of Athens

with a lantern looking
for an honest man,

and if I recall correctly,
he never did find one.

- I'm not surprised.

I read somewhere
that the average person

tells 200 lies a day.

- 200?

And they're not even
running for public office?

- Or playing tennis.

- Okay, okay,
well, I got 199 left.

Besides, I told
a little white lie.

They don't hurt anybody.

- No, but they count, like
when you say to someone

they look well when they
don't or if you tell somebody,

hey, nice to see ya,
and you can't stand him.

They all add up.

- How can you tell if
someone's lying to you?

- Well, one way is
by body language.

They avoid looking
you straight in the eye.

They get nervous, fidget
from one foot to the other.

- Maybe they aren't lying.

They just have to
go to the bathroom.

- Well anyway, Arnold, I
can't tell you how happy I am

at all the progress
you're making at school.

I'm very proud of you, son.

- Thanks, dad, and
I can tell you mean it

because you didn't get
nervous, you didn't fidget

and your baby blues looked
right into my baby browns.

- And today, 26-mile races
are run all over the world,

and what are they called?

Marathons.

- That's right, marathons.

Oh well, I had hoped
to get to Diogenes today,

but those pesky Persian Wars
lasted longer than I thought.

See you tomorrow.

Oh, Mr. Dunkin, can I see
you for a minute please?

Mr. Dunkin.

- Man, that Miss
Jenkins is somethin' else.

- That's what my
mom and dad said.

- Your mom and
dad, I don't get it.

- Well, last night,
they went to this place

called The Foxy Club, and
the waitresses in the bar

wear these real short
outfits with little tails.

Mrs. Jenkins was on of 'em.

- Whatcha talkin' about, Robbie?

- It's true, that's
what they said.

They thought it was
terrible that a teacher

was working in
a place like that.

- Miss Jenkins would never
work in a place like that.

Your folks must need glasses.

- They've got glasses and
they were wearing them.

And Mrs. Jenkins was wagging
her tail with the other foxes.

- I oughta waggle
my foot in your tail.

- I don't think Mrs. Jenkins
is that kinda woman.

- She's not.

- Well, if you're so sure,

then why don't you
ask her, Arnold?

On second thought,
she'd probably just deny it.

- I will ask her,
and I'll prove to you

that she's not lying
because I know how to tell.

- Since when did you
become a human lie detecter?

- Since I learned
about body language.

See, if she's lyin', she'll
start to fidget her feet,

she'll get nervous,

and she won't be able to
look us straight in the eye.

- There she is.

Go ahead, Arnold, ask her.

- Ask me what, Arnold?

- Well, uh, Miss Jenkins,
it seems that someone

is spreadin' this
ugly rumor that,

that you work at this dumb
place called The Foxy Club.

- Uh, somebody said that?

- Yeah, somebody
who's kind of a jerk.

You wouldn't work in a
place like that, would you?

- Well, do you think
I would, Arnold?

- No way, no how, and no chance.

- Well then,
there's your answer.

Now, I have got
some things to do,

so I will see you all tomorrow.

Bye, Mrs. Jenkins.

Bye bye.

- Well, there's your proof.

- What proof?

Did you see how
much trouble she had

with the latch on her briefcase?

We're talking
heavy fidgeting here.

- That wasn't fidgeting.

That latch was just stuck.

- Oh, sure.

- I'll leave it up to Dudley.

Excuse me, what do you think?

You think she was fidgeting?

- Yeah.

- Who asked you?

- That doesn't
mean she was lying.

- Well, what about her eyes?

She couldn't look
us straight in the face.

- Who'd wanna look
you straight in your face?

- You're just making
excuses for her.

There's only one
way to settle this.

Go down to The Foxy Club
and check it out in person.

- Robbie, that is a dumb idea,

but if it's the only way to
clear Mrs. Jenkins' name,

I'll do it.

- Wow wowee.

- Come on!

- Yoohoo, Vickie, my
t*nk needs a refilling.

- Sorry, Mr. Nevins,
pump just went dry.

Don't you think you
ought to stop drinking

and go home to your wife?

- Well, why do you
think I'm drinking?

- Mr. Nevins, she's really

a very wonderful and
understanding lady.

- How do you know?

- Well, she puts up
with you, doesn't she?

- That must be the list
of all the waitresses.

Maybe we don't even
have to sneak in that room.

- But that's why we're here.

I don't wanna see lists.

I wanna see legs.

- There's only one thing to do.

Go into the fox's
den and take a look.

- Now, you're talkin'.

- Dudley, get ahold
of your hormones.

Oh, all right, let's
get it over with.

I'll be right back, sir.

- Boy!

I gotta give up the sauce.

- Come on, you guys.

Now, get down.

Are you satisfied?

- I'll say.

- Well, you're right, Arnold.

Mrs. Jenkins isn't here.

- I know it, now
come one, let's go.

Uh oh.

What are you
boys doing in a bar.

- Bar?

The Foxy Club is a bar?

I thought it was a pet store.

No wonder no one looks
like a cocker spaniel.

- All right, out, let's go,
come on fellas, move it.

- Yes, sir.

Mrs. Jenkins!

- Arnold, what are
you doing here?

- What are you doin' here?

- I can explain that.

- I don't even wanna hear it.

You lied to me.

- Hey dad, it looks
very convincing.

If one of those board
members should drop by,

it looks like you
really have a cold.

I do.

- You do?

You do.

- Can you believe this?

I lied about having a cold
so that I could play tennis.

Not only did I get badly beaten,

but I wound up looking
like a Dristan commercial.

Gesundheit.

- That'll teach you, dad.

I guess God is
punishing you for lyin'.

- It was such a small lie,
I didn't think he heard me.

- Well, I hope you
feel much better, dad.

If you need
anything, just sneeze.

- Is there anything I
can get you, daddy?

- No thanks, honey.

- Okay.

- Oh, okay, I'd like a
little orange juice, please.

- Oh sure, daddy, anything else?

- No thanks, honey.

- Okay.

- Be sure it's fresh squeezed.

- Right.

- Oh, and no seeds.

- Of course.

- In my favorite glass.

- The one with
Donald Duck or Goofy?

- Don't make fun of a dying man.

- Hi.

Hello.

- What's wrong with dad?

- Oh, it's nothing the
Mayo Clinic couldn't cure.

- I feel awful.

- Me too.

- Don't tell me you're
catching a cold too.

- I wish I was.

Then I could take
something to make feel better.

- What's a matter, son?

- You're lookin' at
one disillusioned dude.

Mrs. Jenkins lied to me.

- She lied to you?

About what?

- Well, Robbie said she
works nights at this bar called

The Foxy Club, so we asked
Mrs. Jenkins and she said, no.

But she works there, all right.

- How do you know that?

- We just came from there.

- Are you saying that
they let you into a bar?

What did you do,
lie about your height?

- We snuck in, dad,
and we got thrown out

but not before
seeing Mrs. Jenkins.

- Well, I'm sure Mrs. Jenkins
must have her reasons.

You should try to be
a little more forgiving.

- Forgiving?

I thought Mrs. Jenkins was
the greatest person in the world

and she let me down.

I don't even wanna
speak to her again.

- Now, now, now, I
understand your feelings, son,

but if I were you, I would
give her a chance to explain.

- What's to explain?

She was in that bar
with that skimpy outfit.

I saw parts of her I never
thought teachers had.

- I'll bet Mrs. Jenkins
doesn't show up.

She's probably too embarrassed.

- I don't blame her.

- I hope she never shows up.

If I wanna be taught by
a fox, I'll go to the zoo.

- Good morning, class,
good morning, boys.

Hi.

- Uh, class, today,
we're going to talk about

one of our most fascinating

of the Greek
philosophers, Diogenes.

Now, Diogenes was
a rather cynical fellow.

He really wasn't one of
your fun Greeks, you know?

As a matter of fact, he was
often seen walking around

the streets of Athens carrying
a lantern in broad daylight.

Does anyone care to guess why?

- 'Cause he was a little wacko?

- No, Diogenes was
searching for an honest man.

As a matter of fact, he
searched all of his life,

and he never found one.

That's because
there's no such thing

as a totally honest man.

- Or woman.

- Uh, that's right, or a woman.

Diogenes may have
done better searching

for a man or woman who
was striving to be honest

because we all tell little
lies from time to time

and sometimes for what
we think are good reasons.

The important thing
is to not judge people

before we know all of the facts.

I hope you understand that.

Yes, Mrs. Jenkins.

- All right, that's it class.

Hand in your quiz
papers as you leave.

Arnold, can I speak with
you for a moment, please?

Arnold, I owe you an apology,

not because I work in a bar.

I'm not ashamed of that.

It's not exactly mud wrestling.

I apologize for lying about it.

- Why did you lie to me?

- I told you what I thought
you wanted to hear.

- Well, how come you
work there anyway?

- Well, because the pay is good.

I needed the money
to raise my daughter,

to pay the bills, and it's
tiring working two jobs,

but I'm just afraid teaching

does not pay enough
money to live on.

- But you're the
best teacher there is.

They should be payin'
you a million dollars.

- Oh no, that's much too much.

I'd settle for 500,000.

Oh, you're right, Arnold.

They should be
paying teachers more,

but until they do, I'm
afraid a lotta teachers

are gonna be
leaving the profession,

and I'm one of them.

- What?

You're giving up teaching?

You're gonna
become a full-time fox?

- No, I'm giving up both jobs.

- But you can't
give up teaching.

You're the best
teacher I ever had.

I even like doing my homework.

My family thinks I'm
having an early senility.

- Arnold, I'm very flattered
that you like my class,

but I have got to find
one decent-paying job,

so that I don't have to
work night and day anymore,

and I could spend more
time with my daughter.

I hope you understand that.

- Yeah, I think I do.

But ancient Greece just
won't be the same without you.

- Oh, thank you, Arnold.

You know, all my life, I
have wanted to be a teacher,

and I have hung in
there as long as I can,

but I'm afraid I just
don't have a choice now.

- Oh, I'm sure gonna miss you.

- Oh, I'll miss you too, Arnold.

Can we still be friends?

- Sure.

- I'm glad.

I'll tell ya a secret.

You're my favorite
pupil in the class.

- Thanks, I'll tell
you a secret too.

- What's that?

- Dudley was right,
you do have terrific legs.

- Ahh!

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world
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