06x22 - Kathy's Olympics

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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06x22 - Kathy's Olympics

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born,

♪ he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours

♪ and I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes, Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

- [Man On Television]
In the 100-meters,

there's Candice
Cable, who holds the

national record of 23.8
seconds in this event.

- [Students] Ooh.

(starting g*n
fires on television)

- [Man On Television]
At the start, Susan Hagel

grabs the early lead,
but there in the yellow,

Sherry Ramsey is moving up.

And look at Sherry Ramsey
go out of lane number three.

It could be a
big upset for this.

(students cheer)

- [Man On Television] Sherry
Ramsey is pouring it on.

Here comes Cable, a late
move by Candice Cable.

(students shout)

- [Man On Television]
Can she get it?

(students cheer)

- [Man On Television]
She's got it!

A new record!

(students applaud)

- Well, that was very, very
interesting, wasn't it class?

(students crosstalk)

- Oh yes Miss Gandy, I think the

National Wheelchair
Games are wonderful.

It really touched my heart.

And I, Lisa Hayes, am inspired

to devote my life to spreading

good will to all mankind.

And by the way, Arnold
Jackson has his shoes off.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold,

please put your shoes on.

- I oughta strangle that Lisa,

but they'd get me for
cruelty to dumb animals.

(audience laughs)

- Well Kathy, after seeing this,

I'm sure the class would love to

help raise some money
for the wheelchair games.

(students chatter)

- Thank you Miss Gandy.

I'm not going out
for the games myself

because I don't want to
show up those turkeys.

(laughter)

But we can all
pitch in on the raffle.

And to tell you
more about it, here's

my Treasurer, Arnold
Jackson, a guy with

a lot of dollars but
not much sense.

(laughter and applause)

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Now, we're going
to throw a party for

the guy and the girl
who sells the most tickets.

And they will be
crowned king and queen

and will go together as dates.

And they will get their picture
in the New York Tribune.

(students chatter)

Just think, you could be
another celebrity couple,

like Nancy and Ronny,

Princess Diane and Charles,

Joan Collins and everybody.

(laughter)

- Thanks Arnold,
and as for the party,

it should be a real blast.

That is, if we can
find a place to hold it.

- Well if I were
Treasurer like Arnold is

and I lived in a big penthouse,

I'd be more than honored
to have the party at my place.

- What a show off.

I'd be more than honored
to have the party at my place.

(laughter)

- Okay Arnold,
party's at your place.

(audience laughter)

- Huh?

Oh, yeah right, I was
gonna suggest that.

(school bell rings)

- Class dismissed.

We'll talk more about
the raffle tomorrow.

- Boy, I hope Dad
and Maggie don't mind.

- Well it's for a good cause.

And you're a smooth talker.

Why, you could talk Linus into

giving up his security blanket.

(audience laughter)

- Thanks.

You're a pretty smooth
talker yourself, Quick Lips.

(audience laughter)

I bet the two of
us are gonna sell

more tickets than anybody.

- That'll be great.

Hey, we could go
as dates to the party.

- Yeah.

And get our
picture in the paper.

Oh boy, I can hardly
wait to see that caption,

Cathy and Arnold, the
wheeler and the dealer.

(audience laughter)

- Yeah, come on let's go.

- Hi Mr. D.

- Hi Sam.

- Will it bother
you if I sit here

and wait for Arnold
to come home?

- No, not at all.

- I like to meet
him when he walks

through the door, it
makes him feel wanted.

(audience laughter)

- Don't overdo it.

I mean I wouldn't bring the
newspaper in your mouth.

(audience laughter)

- Philip.

- Yup.

- Look at this.

A certain member of this
family has a filthy closet.

Torn baseball cards, popsicle
sticks, bubble gum wrappers.

- Sorry Maggie, I'll try
to keep my closet neater.

(audience laughter)

- I asked Arnold to
clean out his closet

three weeks ago and
he still hasn't done it.

And this is only
part of the junk.

- I'll have a word
with him, Pearl.

- He's got a million excuses.

When I reminded
him the other day,

he said he had a case
of premature senility.

(audience laughter)

- And this morning
he said he likes

to keep his closet just
the way it is, so when

the moths see all the mess
they'll lose their appetite.

(audience laughter)

Let's get rid of
this stuff, Pearl.

Whoops!

- I could clean
his closet for him.

- Oh I wouldn't do that, Sam.

If you go into that closet,

you may never be
heard from again.

(audience laughter)

- Welcome home Arnold!

- Thanks, Sam.

- Hi Arnold.

- Hi Dad.

Look what I got for you,
Sam, a clothes-brush.

- Gee, thanks Arnold.

- Yeah, I hated seeing
you picking the lint

off my sweaters
with your fingers.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold, you're all heart.

(audience laughter)

By the way, Pearl
said that she's been

asking you for
three weeks to clean

out your closet and
you haven't done it.

I want you to get
rid of that junk.

- What junk?

- Torn baseball cards, broken
popsicle sticks, gum wrappers.

- When you gonna
get to the junk?

(audience laughter)

- Arnold knows what I mean.

- Alright, alright.

Oh, uh Dad, I almost forgot.

You know we're
having that big party

for the Wheelchair Games and you

know how important it
is and it's a good cause.

- Yeah.

- Well, how do you feel
about volunteering our house?

- Well, I guess
that would be okay.

- Good, cause I already did.

(audience laughter)

- Well thanks for
running it by me.

(audience laughter)

- You're right
Arnold, you do have

him wrapped around
your little finger.

(audience laughter)

- Boy, look at all that money we

made for the Wheelchair Games.

- Yeah, looks like you and I are

gonna be dates at
that party Sunday.

- You know it.

Tonight I'm gonna
get a new dress,

my hair done up and a
lube-job on my wheelchair.

(audience laughter)

- Well I know you guys b*at me.

- Me too, I only sold one ticket

and I still owe
myself a dollar for it.

(audience laughter)

- Okay class, the
money has been counted

and we have 237 dollars.

(students cheer)

And now for the names
of the boy and girl

who will be king and
queen at the party.

(students chatter)

- Alright, let the
good news roll.

- Yeah.

- First, the boy
who sold the most

raffle tickets is,
Arnold Jackson.

(students cheer)

- Hey, what did I tell you?

You and I are a shoe-in.

- The girl who sold
the most tickets,

and Arnold's date
is, Lisa Hayes.

- What you talkin'
about Miss Gandy?

(audience laughter)

- Congratulations to
our winning couple,

Arnold and Lisa, the king
and queen of the party.

- Oh thank you Miss
Gandy, I'm just so

thrilled about this
well-deserved honor.

(audience laughter)

And to show what
a good sport I am,

I'm even gonna go to
the party with Arnold.

- What a good sport she is?

I'm going with the
bride of Frankenstein.

(audience laughter)

(school bell rings)

- Class dismissed,
see you tomorrow.

And Arnold, be
careful with the money.

As the Treasurer,
it's your responsibility

to take care of it.

- Okay Miss Gandy.

You're in good
hands with Arnold.

(audience laughter)

Cathy, I'm sorry.

I know how hard you
must have worked.

- Yeah, but that's okay.

You'll have fun at
the party anyway.

- I'm not going.

How would it look, me,
head of the committee

to show up without a date?

- Aw Cathy,
somebody will ask you.

- Who?

Who's gonna ask me?

In case you hadn't noticed,
I'm not exactly Brooke Shields.

(audience laughter)

- Cathy!

- Is there anything
we can do to help her?

- Hey maybe we can find somebody

to take her to the party.

- How about you Dudley?

- Um, no, I'm
going to ask Susan.

And she's kind of
expecting me to.

- She's turned you
down three times.

(audience laughter)

- I know, but last time she
turned me down five times.

I'm really making some headway.

(audience laughter)

- How about you Robbie?

Have you got a date yet?

- No, but I was just building
up the courage to ask Beverly.

- Beverly?

What do you see in her?

- She's a real knockout.

She's intelligent,
great personality,

and only the most
beautiful girl in school.

- She's a dog.

(audience laughter)

I just saw her trying to bite
the tires on an old Chevy.

(audience laughter)

- Forget it Arnold.

You can't psych me out.

- Come on Robbie.

Cathy's miserable.

And she'd be more than
thrilled if you asked her out.

And just think how
great you'd feel.

Besides that, I'll
give you five bucks.

(audience laughter)

- Forget it Arnold.

Beverly's the girl of my dreams.

I can see spending the
rest of my life with her.

And I'm not gonna give
all that up for five bucks.

- How about six?

- It's a deal.

(audience laughter)

Maybe I should forget
about Beverly anyway,

my lips would get
caught in her braces.

(audience laughter)

- Alright.

- Cathy, can I see
you for a minute?

- Sure Robbie.

- You uh, said you didn't
have a date for the party, huh?

- No.

- Gee that's great.

- Oh get lost Turkey Lips.

(audience laughter)

- What I meant
was, it's great that

nobody's asked you
yet, because I'd like to.

- I don't need you
to feel sorry for me.

- I don't.

I feel sorry for me.

I don't have a date yet either.

- You mean you really
wanna take me to the party?

- Sure.

I got to thinking, you and
I would get along great.

I mean, you're a lot of
fun and I'm very intelligent.

(audience laughter)

Also, it'd be an honor for me to

go to the party with the
Raffle Committee Chairman.

- That's Chairperson,
Freckle Puss.

(audience laughter)

- Right, I meant Chairperson.

- I'd love to go.

- Great.

(audience laughter)

- Come on, Sam.

- [Sam] Be out in
a minute, Arnold.

- Sam, I gotta get
in there, open up.

- [Sam] I would
but I can't reach

the door from where I'm sitting.

(audience laughter)

- Hey you better hurry up.

Your guests are
starting to arrive.

- Okay, thanks
Willis, be right there.

- Agh, man that stuff stinks.

(audience laughter)

- It does?

You gave it to me for Christmas.

- I did?

Was I mad at you
about something?

(audience laughter)

- I'm glad it stinks.

Maybe it'll keep
Lisa away from me.

If that doesn't
work, I'll wear a

chain of garlic and
hold up a cross.

(audience laughter)

- It's all yours, Arnold.

- Thanks.

Um, Sam, could you go downstairs

and make my guests feel welcome?

- Sure, maybe I'll sing for 'em.

♪ Hi-Ya I'm just an
old chunk of coal wood,

(audience laughter)

♪ But I'm a gonna be
a diamond some day.

(audience laughter)

- Hey, Pearl did a really
nice job on your party.

Everything looks delicious.

Except for that um, dip
Robbie and Dudley made.

You know it's awfully
thick, and why is it pink?

(audience laughter)

- I said dip, that's punch.

(audience laughter)

- Punch?

- Mm-hm.

- Aw man, you're gonna
need a Kn*fe and fork to drink it.

(audience laughter)

- Agh!

What happened to my closet?

All my shirts and
pants are on hangers.

All my shoes are in rows.

This is a hopeless
jumble of neat.

(audience laughter)

- Maggie cleaned it out for you.

- She what?

What did she do with everything?

- Arnold, she threw
all the old stuff away.

- When?

My, my, my old tennis
shoes were in here.

- Oh she threw all that
stuff down in the garbage.

- Oh no!

- What's the matter?

- I hid the raffle money
in those sneakers.

(audience groans)

Oh I'm through, finished, kaput.

When the kids
find out, they'll use

my head to erase the blackboard.

(audience laughter)

(applause)

- Oh man.

237 dollars down
the garbage chute.

That's expensive garbage,
even for Park Avenue.

(audience laughter)

- I feel just terrible
about this, Arnold.

But I had no idea the
money was in your sneaker.

- It's not your fault, Maggie.

If Arnold had cleaned
out his closet as he was

told to do, this never
would have happened.

- Honey, why don't you
just tell your class the truth?

- I can't do that.

What if they don't believe me?

What if they think I
embezzled the money?

(audience laughter)

They'll send me to one of those

white-collar prisons and I don't

even know how to play tennis.

(audience laughter)

- Hey wait a minute, the garbage

goes into a bin in the basement.

If they haven't emptied it yet,

the money must
be still in there.

- Oh Willis, you're a genius.

You sure know your garbage.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold, you go down
and stall your guests

while we go down and
look through the garbage.

- We?

I got a better idea.

Why don't I just buy
237 more raffle tickets?

- And leave that
money in the garbage?

That's wasteful, Phillip.

I feel responsible for this
and I'd like to look for it.

- Okay, you let us
know if you find it.

(audience laughter)

- Phillip, do you
remember our last kiss?

- Of course.

- Hang onto that memory.

(audience laughter)

- I'll, I'll, I'll go with you.

(audience laughter)

Uh, Willis?

- Huh?

- Remember that increase in
allowance that you asked me for?

- I'll, I'll, I'll go
with you, Dad.

(audience laughter)

- Let's go boys,
the garbage awaits.

- We're at your disposal.

(audience laughter)

- Agh, it smells
terrible down here.

- Maggie, are you sure you
wanna go through with this?

- I couldn't live with
myself if we didn't.

- I'm not sure we can
live with you if you did.

(audience laughter)

- It won't be so bad.

Let's get on with it men.

- Okay, ladies first.

(audience laughter)

(dance music)

- Everything seems to
be going nicely, Pearl.

- Yeah, the kids are
having a lot of fun.

Look at that Sam, isn't he cute?

- He only comes
up to her stomach.

(laughs)

- I guess you could say
he was belly-dancing.

(audience laughter)

- Hi everybody!

- [Students] Hi Arnold.

- Enjoying yourself?

- [Students] Yeah.

- Everything's
going great, Arnold.

- When do you
think we should have

the ceremony to
present the raffle money?

- Oh-ho, what's the rush?

Let everybody eat,
drink and be merry,

for tomorrow we
go back to school.

(audience laughter)

Cathy, could you
excuse us please?

I have to talk to
Dudley and Robbie.

- Oh sure.

See you soon, Carrot Top.

- Catch you later, Goldie Locks.

(audience laughter)

Boy, Cathy's really fun.

I'm glad I asked her out.

- Robbie, you can stop
acting, she can't hear you.

The six bucks is a
flat rate, no overtime.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold, I mean it.

I really like her company.

- That's great, Robbie,
but the raffle money's gone.

Maggie threw it down the
garbage chute by mistake.

We've got a big problem.

- No, you mean you've got
a big problem, Kemosabe.

(audience laughter)

- Look, you guys
gotta help me stall.

Dad, Maggie and Willis are down

in the garbage
looking for it right,

- [Boys In Unison]
Oh here she comes.

(audience laughter)

- Hi Lisa.

How's my, (clears
throat) lovely date?

(audience laughter)

- Don't give me
that lovely stuff.

Where have you been?

You're supposed to be my
date and where is my corsage?

- I woulda got you one but
they were all outta stinkweed.

(audience laughter)

- Look, I'm not to thrilled

about you either,
Buffalo Breath.

(audience laughter)

So let's just get
this t*rture over with.

Come on, start the presentation.

- What's the rush?

Dance with Dudley.

(audience laughter)

- Whelp, I guess
it's not here, let's go.

- Willis, we've just started.

We've barely made a
dent in the eggshells now.

- This place is getting to me.

- You'll be okay, Willis.

You're just a little
down in the dumps.

(audience laughter)

- Dad, the smell's bad
enough without your jokes.

(audience laughter)

- Hi, any luck?

- Not yet, Honey.

- I don't see how you guys
can stand it down here.

- Don't rub it in.

You wanna trade places?

(audience laughter)

- Well, I'll go upstairs and see

if I can stall them some more.

Please keep digging, guys.

- Hey, what did we
have for dinner last night?

- Uh, broiled lamb chops, warm
spinach salad and fresh corn.

- We must be getting close,
we're into our own garbage.

(audience laughter)

- You're right.

I recognize my teeth
marks on that corncob.

(audience laughter)

- Hey, I see something.

It's a sneaker.

- Hey, it must be Arnold's.

Oh, oh Dad!

(audience laughter)

- Oh!

(audience laughter)

(dance music)

- There you are date.

Can we please get started
with the presentation?

- Uh, the presentation?

Sure, but first Sam wants to
show everybody something.

- I do?

- Yes.

Um, everybody, Sam's gonna
show you how he break dances.

(students applaud)

- But I don't know
how to break dance.

- You break dance or I'll
break every bone in your body.

(audience laughter)

- It's all coming
back to me now.

(break dance music)

(audience laughter)

- I'm finished,
Arnold, but I think

I wore a hole in the
back of my sweater.

(audience laughter)

- Thanks, Sam.

Thanks for helping me out.

- What did you want
me to break dance for?

And what are you
doing up here anyway?

- I'm stalling for time.

When your mother
cleaned out my closet

she threw out all
my raffle money.

- Oh no!

- Yeah, she didn't know
it was in my old sneakers.

- You mean those torn ones
with no laces and one tongue?

- Yeah, that's them.

My best pair.

- Oh, she didn't
throw those out.

I put them under the bed.

- Under the bed?

What?

Oh,

if I can get it.

- Yeah, I saw 'em
sittin' in a box of junk

Mama was gonna throw away.

So I pulled 'em out,
cause I knew you loved 'em.

- Oh, Sam!

Thank you, thank you!

You're my favorite
little brother.

And I love all 38 inches of you.

Come on.

(audience laughter)

- And this money you've
raised for the Wheelchair Games

will help those who
otherwise might not get

a chance to participate
in organized sports.

(students applaud)

Cathy, as Chairperson, would
you like to say something?

- Yes Mrs. Gandy.

I would just like to thank
everyone for all their hard work.

This is the happiest
night of my life.

For more reasons than one.

(audience laughter)

- Now, let's get
a nice picture of

our king and
queen of the raffle.

Arnold and Lisa, would
you stand over there please?

(audience laughter)

A little closer please.

(audience laughter)

Come on, closer.

And put your arms
around each other

and give me a big smile.

(audience laughter)

- I'm not sure I could do both.

(audience laughter)

- Yes, you can.

Come on.

Now let's see that big smile.

(audience laughter)

Thank you, that was very nice.

You can all go back
to the party now.

- Hey Arnold.

- Yeah.

- About my money.

- Oh, don't worry
about your money.

You'll get your six bucks.

- No, that's what I
wanna talk to you about.

I'm having such a good
time, I don't want the money.

- Don't want the money?

Robbie have you
been eatin' that punch?

(audience laughter)

- No, I mean it Arnold.

I'm having such a good time,

you don't have to
pay for dating Cathy.

- Arnold Jackson!

You paid him to be my date?

I hate you.

- Wait, Cathy
please, listen to me.

- Just get out of my way.

- No.

Cathy,

I know it was a
dumb thing to do,

but you said you wouldn't
come without a date.

- I didn't want a date that way.

I wanted someone to ask me out

because they really like me.

- But I do really like you.

- Sure, that's why
he had to pay you.

You're nothing but
a junior-high gigolo.

(audience laughter)

- Okay, so I offered him money.

But you heard him,
he wouldn't take it.

- That's the truth,
I swear, honest.

- Anyway, you know he's serious
if he turned down six bucks.

- Six bucks?

I'm only worth six dollars
for a date you cheapskate?

(audience laughter)

- Listen, you were having fun
with me before, weren't you?

- Well yeah.

- Now that's the
important thing.

- Cathy, I really am
sorry and I wish there

was something I could
do to make it up to you.

- There is.

Stand there.

- Okay.

Ow.

(audience laughter)

- I feel much better now.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold, could I see you
for a minute please here?

- Uh-oh.

Excuse me.

- Arnold, we have
bad news for you.

We didn't find the money.

- It's okay, we did.

- What?

(audience laughter)

When?

- About a half an hour ago.

(audience laughter)

- You mean you
had us digging in the

garbage all that
time for nothing?

- Willis, don't hurt him.

Let me do it.

(audience laughter)

- Arnold, why
didn't you tell us?

- Uh, uh, um, well,

when the presentation
got started, I forgot.

- Oh, well since you
have a good excuse,

we were having a wonderful time

frolicking around in
the coffee grounds.

(audience laughter)

- I'm really sorry.

I still have my guests in here.

Do you think we could
talk about this later?

- You can count on that.

- Um, would you
like to meet them?

- I think we should.

- Good, use the back door
and change those clothes.

You guys stink.

(audience laughter)

(applause)

♪ Now, the world don't move

♪ To the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Hmmm
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