08x04 - Another Room

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both,
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin',
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life
the facts of life ♪♪

I've always felt it's important

To put a little fun
into everything you do,

Don't you?

Otherwise, your very existence

Stretches ahead of
you like one... Vast...

Endless... Wasteland.

So, how was your day?

My day started
yesterday, beverly ann.

I studied all night
for my poli-sci midterm,

Which I barely stayed awake for.

Oh, I see.

And right now I'm to tired
to study for my psych exam.

So the only thing I'm
staying awake for is this nap,

Which I gotta get in
before tootie, natalie,

And blair inv*de.

Well, don't let me disturb you.

It just amazes me

How you girls get
any sleep at all in here.

You and tootie and blair

Have different class schedules.

Natalie has crazy hours.

I know. The older we
get, the worse it seems.

Well, I hate to break it to you,

But that's true
about everything.

To tell you the truth
I've been thinking about

Getting a place my own.

I guess it isn't easy.

Four active girls

Stacked up in a
cramped, oppressive,

Airless cargo hold of a room,

Charming as it is.

I can't breathe. I've
got to get out of here.

I'm sorry. Forgot
to get your sheets.

How would you like to
try sawing me in half?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to bother you.

But since you're awake,

I got this card
from edna today...

Postmarked somewhere in africa.

Do you save stamps?

No.

Anyway, she's running a sewing
class for the peace corps

And she could sure use
her old sewing machine,

But I can't find it anywhere.

Why don't you try
looking in the attic?

Now would be a good time.

Right.

Do it now.

I always say that.

Sweet dreams.

♪ Tramps like us ♪

♪ Tramps like us ♪

Natalie.

Come on, I'm trying to
get some sleep here.

♪ Tramps like us, baby,
we were born... ♪♪

That is so you.

Shh.

It's just the dry cleaning.

Thought it was
jo's turn to do that.

Jo's doing the sheets.

I just helped beverly
ann has the sheets.

Oh, jo traded with her so
she could snake the drain.

She felt it was best after last
week's unfortunate accident.

If you don't shut up, there's gonna
be another unfortunate accident.

Why is everyone whispering?

Because I'm trying to sleep!

Well, it's awfully
selfish of you, jo,

When the majority wants
to have a conversation.

Blair, if I don't
get some sleep,

I'm gonna fail my exam tomorrow

And then I'm gonna
lose my scholarship,

And then I'm gonna become a...

Social parasite sucking the
very lifeblood out of society.

We're sorry, jo,
we'll keep it down.

Right. You have a nice nap.

Thank you.

All right, that's it,
that's it. I've had enough.

I've just made a decision.

You're finally going
to streak your hair?

No, I'm moving out.

What? Why?

Look, guys, I know we've
talked about this before.

But we can't go on like this.

We're just going to
end up hating each other.

I really need a place of my own.

Jo, you're not serious.

Yes, I am.

In fact, I took an ad for a room
off the student union bulletin board.

It's here in my...

What are you doing
with my blouse?

Oh, the gamma house is having

A wear-your-grubbies
party tonight.

Of course, I don't
have any grubbies,

So I thought I'd borrow
something of yours.

Blair, I was saving that
for my oral exam tomorrow.

Well, I guess neatness
doesn't count.

Oh, great. Thanks a lot.

You know, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.

Knock knock.

Oh, good, jo, you're up.

I found grandma's
sewing machine,

But I need a little help
getting it out of the attic.

This isn't exactly a
great time, beverly ann.

Maybe later.

No, now is the perfect time.

Go do it.

I'll help you, beverly ann.

Me, too.

I'll watch.

Jo.

I know you're upset.

I don't know why.

And I don't need to know why.

But whenever I feel that way,

I write an angry letter

And address it to
whoever I'm mad at.

And then, I don't send it.

Oh, that'll teach them.

The next morning,
if I'm still mad,

Then I mail it to myself.

That way I have
the satisfaction,

Knowing how the
person would have felt

If I had the nerve
to mail it to them.

Get out.

I guess that is the
direct approach.

There it is... Grandma's
old sewing machine.

Ah... Oh...

I've never seen a sewing
machine like this before.

Come to think of it,

I've never seen a
sewing machine before.

Oh, how cute.

Grandma wouldn't
use anything else.

She'd sit there all
day just pedaling

And pedaling and pedaling.

Grandma had great muscle tone.

I'm cramping up here.

Ow!

Look. My old roller skates.

Look. My first blue
ribbon from eastland.

Most naturally blonde.

Hey, you guys, look at this.

Jo's first motorcycle helmet.

"Touch this and you're
dead where you stand."

Sentimental jo.

Do you guys think she's
serious about moving out?

Can you blame her?

It's a madhouse in there with
you guys bouncing off the walls.

Us? Blaire, you're the
one who ripped the blouse

She was going to
wear to her exam.

She'll thank me for it later.

I know what'll make
her feel better.

You guys take the sewing
machine downstairs,

And I'll mend the blouse.

I hate getting stuck
with the dirty work.

I feel a letter coming on.

All right, well, that
sounds reasonable.

Does that include utilities?

Terrific. When can I
come take a look at it?

Good. Thanks.

I couldn't help overhearing.

That's what happens
whenever I eavesdrop.

It's all right, beverly ann.

You're moving out?

You know, there's this guy renting
out rooms above the pizza parlor.

He said he'd knock out $5 a month
if I'd take the room over the oven.

Sounds toasty.

Jo, um...

Maybe if we sat down and
talked about it for a minute.

You know, like sisters...
Of varying ages.

Beverly ann, if I sit down,
I'm gonna fall asleep.

I won't let you fall asleep.

That's right. I forgot.

All right, let's
just try this again.

1... 2... 3... Up.

Blair, you know what would
really help me out a lot?

If you went over
to natalie's side.

Tripped over something.

Probably the bones of the people
who brought this thing up here.

Just an old box.

Probably grandma's barbells.

Shh! What?

I hear it too. What?

Somebody's talking. Who?

Probably beverly ann and jo.

I don't believe it. What?

Shh! Shh!

Everybody in the same room,

Always talking at once.

It's not just the noise.

I can't keep track
of things, either.

I mean, blair just decided
to wear my lucky blouse.

I was saving this for
my oral exam tomorrow.

Were you going to wear
your lucky sweater over it?

The point is, it was
just lying around,

So she decided to take it.

Then maybe she was wrong.

But those are
things you work out.

You don't leave home over them.

Do you think I want to move out?

I mean, come on,
these are my friends.

I want to keep it that way.

But lately, even the little
things are getting on my nerves.

I mean, this place is a circus.

Wait a minute.

Listen.

I don't hear anything.

That's my point.

Isn't that really how it is
around here most of the time?

A quiet, calm, serene oasis

Of friendship and trust.

Oh!

That's it. I'm gone.

Blair, are you ok?

Oh, I broke a nail.

Ohh.

Did blair come through this way?

What is going on here?

Now, now, let's not
turn this into a major tiff.

I have some spackle
in the basement.

You'll never know
that hole was there.

Save your spackle, beverly ann.

Look, I've made up
my mind. I'm leaving.

Jo, I gotta tell you.

Having your own
apartment is no picnic.

Remember when tootie
and I tried it last year?

And if you don't
believe us, ask hal.

Who's hal?

He was the head roach that
walked off with our toaster.

Be realistic, jo.

You don't want to live alone,

Not without a staff anyway.

Besides, jo, what fun is privacy if
you've got nobody to share it with?

That's right. Jo,
you're acting goony.

I'll tell you what goony is.

Two people talking about privacy

Through a hole in the wall.

Wait a minute. I have an idea.

No, really, this is a good idea.

You could live in there.

Let me update my
definition of goony.

Don't think "attic."
Think "artist's loft."

Above the misty, cobblestone
streets of the champs d'elysee,

The smell of french bread

Wafting through the air.

If I want wafting, I'll
live over the pizza parlor.

Jo, wait a minute,

It's not such a bad idea.

I mean, it wouldn't
be like living alone,

But it'd be the next best thing.

I bet a professional contractor
could fix it up real nice.

Yeah, and do you know what
construction costs are these days?

Yeah, it would be expensive.

Very expensive.

But it might be worth it.

I'm tired of cleaning
up everybody's mess.

You don't clean
up anybody's mess.

Maybe the guilt
that's wearing me out.

It would be nice to write
with fewer interruptions.

In fact, I'd be willing to put in
some overtime at the cannery.

They love me there.

Yeah. It takes a special kind
of person to gut a mackerel.

Come on, jo, what do you say?

I don't know.

Jo, we're a team.

And this is a way
to keep it together.

Gosh darn it, jo!

What we're trying
to say here is that...

You know them too well to leave,

And on a more personal note,

You don't know me well enough.

Well, golly gee, bev!

All right, I hate to admit it,

But it sounds like a good idea.

As long as it's
not too expensive.

Oh, thank god!

Edna would have
k*lled me if you'd left.

Then it's settled.

All right.

The first thing I'm
gonna do is put closets

Where tootie and
natalie used to be.

That sounds like a fair trade.

Wait a minute, blair.

Are you insinuating that
tootie and I end up in here?

Well... Since you're
already there...

Jo and I are the oldest.

I just think it's fair
that we keep this room

And give you the loft.

Blair, this room is smaller.

Yeah, but it'll have a lot more
character when it's finished.

Can we fix it up
the way we want?

Of course!

Within limits.

Tootie?

Is there any way
we're gonna win this?

No.

In that case,

I was tired of the
old room anyways.

Besides, I wouldn't have felt
right if we weren't all together.

Me neither.

How soon can get your
stuff out of our room?

Come on, beverly ann,
let me have my pants back,

It wasn't that big a rip.

I know, but from small
rips, gaping gaps grow.

I remember how I would
sit by the fireplace

Watching grandma
sew our dresses.

One day she turned
to me and said,

"You know, dear..."

That's how she talked.

"You know, dear,

"I wouldn't have to mend
your dresses so often

If you didn't sit so
close to the fire."

Oh, grandma was...

Is this going to
be a long story?

Patience, andy.

Would you go turn down the stew?

Not on your life.

I think I'm calling
the sh*ts here.

Mrs. Garrett was
never this aggressive.

You never saw her
arm-wrestle grandma.

Hey, andy. Red, huh?

This could leave a
permanent scar on my psyche.

Did you get the bank loan?

Oh, I don't know. I just
turned in my application.

Well, I'm sure you'll get it.

Natalie didn't have any
trouble getting hers.

Yeah, well, that's different.

Natalie has a steady income.

When they find out
you're a student,

They don't open the vault
and say "here, help yourself."

I think I can swing it if
my part's under 500 bucks.

Well, the contractor's here now,

So you should know pretty soon.

You know, I kind of hate sending
this sewing machine off to edna.

Just touching it
reminds me of grandma.

She always had that
hard, woody complexion.

You know, jo, I've been
doing some soul-searching.

And I'd be willing to make
that inconvenient move

All the way to the
other side of our room

And save you the trouble.

Gee, blair, that's really thoughtful of
you to settle for the side of the room

With the closets, the
window and the bathroom.

So, you'll owe me.

Well, the floors are good,
the structure's sound.

Well, we know its not much,

But do you think can
you do something with it?

Oh, sure.

A room is like a naked women.

They're all alike until
you dress them up.

That's where I step in.

This might be
where you step out.

Actually, we don't want
to dress her up too much.

You know, just a wall here, a
ceiling there, maybe an outlet or two.

Wait a minute, since we
got the smaller room

Tootie and I can fix
it up the way we want.

Tootie.

We want a skylight.

Barbra streisand's skylight?

The beveled glass is optional.

Tootie, show the carpet.

You've got good taste.

My buddy put that in the
rumpus room for billy joel.

What is this attic of the stars?

You couldn't afford shoes

Expensive enough
to walk on that.

Look, these are our demands.

Take them or...
We can negotiate.

How much is this
all this gonna cost?

Ballpark figure... 16,000.

That's reasonable.

Blair!

We'd like your basic
naked woman, please.

Oh, wait a minute, the deal
was we could redecorate.

That's okay, natalie.

We'll keep the room and
we'll give them the attic.

Maybe we could
throw in a skylight.

Yeah, all right.
Gumby's skylight.

I can probably get
you what you want

For around 4,000,

Depending on who
this gumby fellow is.

4,000?

A thousand each.
I can handle that.

I've got my savings bonds.

I got my loan. Is cash ok?

No problem.

Ok.

1, 2, 3, Up!

Well, there's no hurry.

I'll just get jo
to move it later.

Good.

Come on, natalie, let's
see how our room's doing.

Yay.

Hi.

Man, I'll tell you.

Laying plasterboard is m*rder.

You got to make sure
everything's plumb.

I didn't realize you were a
construction aficionado.

I've always been
good with my hands.

Virgil says I'm indispensable.

Kid! Make that a
double chili burger

And a perrier.

Sure, virgil.

Jo...

The attic should be
finished in a couple of days,

And I have a bed
for you to move.

Well, there may not be any
reason to move anything.

I didn't get the loan.

Oh, no!

I'm sorry.

Listen, jo.

How long have we
been best friends?

Ok, good friends.

Friendly. We've been
friendly for seven years.

And since we have this
friendliness between us,

I'd be willing to loan
you the the $1000.

Forget it, blair. No, really.

I'll give you 22% interest
compounded quarterly,

Plus the bigger closet,

And I insist on having my bed
by the window, moved by you...

When your mood brightens.

Thanks, but I had a better
offer from jimmy the fish.

Oh, all right. No
strings attached,

Except for the window.

I insist on getting
this side of the room.

The back-lighting from
the sun flatters me.

Blair, I don't want your money.

I want my money.

You don't have any money.

That's what I'm talking about.

I'm the reason why we
decided we built this room.

I want to hold up my own end.

But the room is gonna be
finished in a couple of days.

Where are you gonna
get money that fast?

I'll get it. I'm working on it.

All right.

I'll see if I can slow
down the work.

Now, now, virgil,

You've just been
working way too hard.

Hey, is hank there?

Hi. How you doing?

Oh, fine. Fine.

Listen, um...

Do you still want to
buy my motorcycle?

$946.17. Not a penny less.

Great. Um... Terrific.

Well, then, I'll see
you in a little while.

All right. Bye-bye.

Listen, jo, I just heard
the greatest joke.

All right, these two construction
workers walk into this bar...

Virgil, I told you not to
tell that joke to the girls.

Where is jo? Oh,
she must have left.

I heard her say something

About selling her motorcycle.

No, no, no, beverly ann, not jo.

She'd never do that.

Well, I thought I heard her quote
a price on the phone to someone

And then she left.

Beverly ann, let me
tell you something

About jo and her bike...

She took it on her first date.

She polishes it every weekend.

They're inseparable.

Like peanut butter
and jelly, ham and eggs.

Roy and trigger.

Bingo.

And catholics.

Right.

And left.

Stop.

And go. Please!

And thank you. Get out of here!

And come again.
Oh, I love this game!

Oh, hi, hank.

No, she's not.

No, she didn't say if the
price included her helmet.

All right, I'll tell her.

Hey. Hi.

Where have you been?

None of your business.

I understand.

Understand what?

Nothing.

This is not my bed.

No. Yours is by the window.

I thought you had
to have the window.

Changed my mind.

Why?

None of your business.