08x05 - Off-Broadway Baby

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

♪ I've got the feeling
that you're going to stay ♪

I never knew.

♪ I never knew that it
could happen this way ♪

Before I met you.

♪ Before I met you I was... ♪

Falling apart.

Yeah, that's me, all right.

Beverly ann, I'm falling apart!

What's wrong? You sound
great! Just have fun with it.

I don't know, beverly ann.

Maybe I'm singing too softly.

Or loud... Maybe I'm too loud.

Maybe two of hearts
is the wrong song.

Maybe I should
pick another song.

What do you think, andy?

Well, this is just me
talking, you understand,

But you're either
too soft, too loud,

Or two of hearts or
it's the wrong song.

I knew it. I knew it!

Relax, you've auditioned
for shows before.

But not a broadway show,

Directed by peter garland
on broadway in new york.

This is my chance of a lifetime.

Tootie, of all the
kids in your class,

Peter singled you out to
audition for his new musical.

Don't you think he recognized
something special in you?

I don't know.

Believe in yourself.
You're good.

Now, one more time
before we leave.

Andy, sit over here
and be the director,

And, tootie, I want you to
pretend this is the real thing.

They've called your name.

You walk on stage
with great presence.

You turn to the
director and smile.

You nod to me.

♪ I never thought... ♪

Thank you! Next!

Andy!

What, too realistic?

Bergdoff's, bonwitt's tiffany's.

Forget it, blair, this is beverly
ann's first trip to new york,

And you want to spend
it all on fifth avenue.

I can't help it. It's
a homing instinct.

I think we should show
her the real new york...

Greenwich village,
chinatown, the bronx.

♪ New york, new
york, a helluva town ♪

♪ The bronx is up and
the battery's down ♪

I'm going to new york!

I'm going to play for tootie's
big audition on broadway!

I'm going to tour the city,

Maybe see grant's tomb.

I feel as if it's a
dream come true! Oh!

Sorry, guys, I
can't go with you.

Why?

I have to write an article
for the literary monthly.

They want me to do a
profile on a woman in flux.

It's due monday. I still
haven't found a fluxing woman.

All my life I dreamed of
being in a broadway musical.

But what if I do get the part?

Do I drop out of school?

Or do I stay in school
and take the part,

Or do I stay in school
and lose the part?

What about the critics,
what if they hate me?

I hate critics.
They're so critical.

Tootie, I know you're
nervous, but first get the part,

And then we'll get the critics.

You're right, jo. It's that
everything's happening so fast.

I'm in a state of... Flux?

Shock.

Close enough.

Tootie, you're going
to that audition

And I'm going with you.

You're my woman in flux.

I am?

Yeah! I've already
got a title for it.

"Tootie ramsey... A
broadway baby grows up."

I'm telling you, I
smell a pulitzer.

Maybe it's just that
sweater you're wearing.

So, it's like you're all
off to new york now.

Don't worry about me, I'll stay
here and hold down the fort.

In fact, I know a few girls
who'd be glad to help me out.

Andrew.

It's a one-man fort.

Hold it down by yourself.

We'd better get going.

Andy, grab those yellow
flags in the garage.

You know, help me
back out the winnebago.

I suppose there are
worse ways to die.

Did I hear someone say
we're taking the motor home?

Blair, it's the only car we have
that will hold the five of us.

I can't be seen tooling around
manhattan in a barn on wheels.

Think of it as a limousine
with a chemical toilet.

Ok, tootie, let's go.

You're gonna be great.
I feel it in my bones.

The part has your name on it.

You know, maybe I
am star material.

I mean, I'm young,
I'm gifted, vivacious...

And modest.

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Aaaah ♪

♪ Aah aah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ♪

Oh!

Oh, my gosh.

As we walk in, I need
first impression.

What is this?

This is the day we bring tootie
ramsey to the american people.

Too short.

Too cute.

Too young.

Too happy.

Excuse me. Are all these people

Auditioning for peter
garland's new musical?

Plus the other half tomorrow.

Oh, no.

She walked through the
theater with a confident stride.

The smell of grease
paint filled her nostrils.

It was like coming home.

I don't think this
is where I belong.

"This is where I
belong," she said.

This is where you
belong, honey...

End of line.

She knew that.

I knew that.

I didn't know that.

Are we on yet?

No. We haven't even
gotten a number yet.

Oh, good. I still
have to warm up.

Where are jo and blair?

Driving the motor
home around the block

Looking for a parking space.

Well, three, actually.

Oh, broadway.

Oh, if these walls could talk.

Olivier.

The barrymores.

Helen hayes.

Chita rivera.

Look.

You! With the crew
cut... Too klutzy.

Adios.

He wouldn't say that to chita.

Natalie, look at
all these people.

Every actor in new
york has got to be here.

Tootie, don't let all these
people throw you. Look around.

No one can hold a candle to you.

With the trained eye
of a seasoned pro,

Tootie coolly checks
out the competition.

After all, what have they got

That she hasn't got?

Got your 8x10 glossy?

An 8x10 glossy, she hasn't got.

Pictures? Of me? My face?

Yeah, faces are
always a safe choice.

Well, no, I just found out
about this audition yesterday.

Wait a minute.

I do have pictures.

They're not exactly 8x10s.

How about... 4X1s?

Ohh. You and me at the
woolworth photo machine.

You still keep
those in your wallet?

I'm sentimental.

What are you doing?

Crossing your face out.

Here.

Got a song ready, or are you just
gonna make one up as you go along?

Actually, I've got a great song.

Fine. Fill this out.

Be ready when your
number's called... You're 316.

Number 12, on stage, please!

So when are we up?

Tuesday.

316!

I'd even have time

To go see the
empire state building.

Beverly ann, you've got time to
paint the empire state building.

Go ahead, have a good time.

Natalie's all the
support I can stand.

I'll be right back.
Hang in there.

Bye.

Nat, you can go,
too, if you want.

Tootie, I would never
leave you at a time like this,

Not when your future
and flux are on the line.

Now, sit down, relax,
fill out your card.

She was just
another nobody here,

Lost in the backstage world

Of cutthroat competition.

But deep in her heart,
she knew she was special.

She knew she
was... "Coco chanel"?

I thought a stage name might
make me seem more professional.

That name doesn't
make you professional.

It makes you french and dead.

Ok, ok.

Ginger curry.

Good, tootie. When in doubt,

Name yourself
after a spice rack.

Hiya. Could I borrow
your pencil a sec?

I had a pencil, but when I
get nervous, I chew things.

I've never auditioned for
a broadway show before,

So I started chewing my pencil.

But the more I looked around, the more
nervous, so I kept chewing and chewing,

And I think I ate it.

You ate your pencil?

Well, you shouldn't eat
pencils at all, of course,

'Cause you could get
lead poisoning and die.

Give her a pen.

Here. Bon appetit.

Thanks.

Oh, my name's helen.

But I was thinking of
changing it to... Cinnamon.

Cinnamon.

No kidding.

This is ginger curry,
and I'm ground cloves.

Oh, well, it's nice to meet you.

What number are you?

316.

Oh, that's a nice number.

I'm 314.

That's a nice
number, too... I think.

Does cinnamon have one n or two?

Three.

Number 20, you're up.

There goes the leading
cause of women in flux.

Back to work.

Oh, hello again.

I'm ginger, and that's cinnamon.

What is this, french toast?

I'll bet you're trying out

For the sophisticated
m*rder*r, right?

Right.

I knew it. You
really look the part.

You're very kind.

I'll bet you'll never guess
what I'm trying out for.

You're right. I never will.

Have you been on many of these?

If you don't mind,

I would like to
rehearse my song.

Oh, sure.

I guess I'd better
rehearse mine, too.

Another 200 or 300
people, and I'm on.

Well... See you, ginger. Bye.

Newcomers... They're all alike.

Poor kid, wants to
act in the worst way.

Then she's got
nothing to worry about.

76.

Number 76!

76.

Oh!

Statue of liberty? Ok?

Stay loose.

I hope that audition
doesn't take too long.

Tiffany's closes in four hours.

Yeah, and I want to show beverly
ann central park before it gets dark.

Certainly not safe to go
through the park at night.

Sure it is, if you're a b*llet.

Jo, if that's a new
cologne you're wearing,

I think it's a tad
on the rural side.

Yo! You want to move this heap out
of here? You're blocking the alley!

Were you aware mr. Ed
retired in new york?

And learned to count to three.

Open up! Police!

Why, hello, officer.

Is there a problem?

No, blondie. I'm the
welcome wagon lady.

I got to ticket this thing.

What is it?

Well, it's tacky,

But I didn't know that
was against the law.

Although if it is, I think
it's a very good law.

Don't you have
anything better to do?

I mean, come on, there are
K*llers and muggers out there.

Yeah, but they're not
blocking the alley.

They're not anywhere
near tootie's number.

So maybe we can
squeeze in grant's tomb.

Did you know there's a
horse nuzzling our bumper?

I just love this city.

This city's giving you a ticket.

Are you the genius who brought

This battleship into manhattan?

Oh, well, genius may
be too strong a word.

Though I have been
told that I'm gifted.

I'll move it. Not so fast.

Let me see your driver's
license and registration.

Officer... If you knew me,

And I hope someday
we can be friends,

You would realize that I would
never flagrantly break the law.

But there's a young woman
inside that theater counting on me

To play piano for
her big audition.

If you give me a ticket, I'll
play badly, I'll get flustered

And she'll sing off-key.
People will snicker.

She will have lost a career.

I will have lost a friend.

All because you had to
meet some stupid quota.

That did it.

Driver's license
and registration.

Nice going, blondie.

288.

Number 288.

You want something to eat?

No, thanks.

Sorry.

♪ I've got this feeling
that you're going to stay ♪

♪ I never knew that it
could happen this way ♪

♪ I got this feeling ♪

♪ That you're going to stay ♪

♪ I never knew that it
could happen this way ♪

♪ Before I met you, I
was falling apart ♪

♪ But now at last, I
really know that we are ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa ♪♪

Thanks, chad.

Well, so much for chad,
chet, bret, blane, bart.

What is it about me

That makes men want to spill
their guts and open up to me?

I'm telling you, it's beautiful.

She's in there.

Who?

She's practicing my song.

Someone else is doing your song?

The song you're
auditioning with?

Tootie's song?

Uh-huh.

Is she good?

Natalie, yogurt is
good. Christmas is good.

This girl is phenomenal.

Hiya.

No!

Yes!

Cinnamon, the human satellite?

What am I doing here?

I should be back in peekskill
cramming for a french exam,

Conjugating verbs, like "give."

I am giving up, I give up,

I should have given up.

Giving up, huh?

Well, if you can't
take the heat...

Cinnamon is doing my song!

Tough break, kid,
but it happens.

I know it happens, but I can't
go on after somebody that good

And sing the same song.

Listen, kid, you got to be
professional about these things.

When they call her number,

You just smile and
say, "break a leg."

Then when she walks by,
you make sure she does.

That's terrible.

Not literally.

Listen, do you want this job?

You got to use every
trick in the book.

An actor's greatest
asset is confidence.

Now, you go over there,

You do a number on her.

Psych her out.

I couldn't do that.

Then you don't
want it bad enough.

I do, but that wouldn't fair.

Listen, honey,

For every light
bulb on broadway,

There's a broken heart.

Not to mention a leg or two.

Natalie!

She's got a point.
It's a jungle in here.

Survival of the fittest.

k*ll or be k*lled.

I don't know.

Like I said, you don't
want it bad enough.

Yes, she does!

Tootie, you want to be
on broadway, don't you?

And didn't you promise yourself
you'd never give up that dream.

Yes. Will you let anyone
on earth stand in your way?

No. Are you gonna let
anyone orbiting the earth

Stand in your way? No!

Ok, champ. Let's do it!

Yeah, let me at her.

Hey! Eye of the tiger,
babe, eye of the tiger.

And so, driven by
ruthless ambition,

Little ginger curry

Became another animal
in the broadway jungle

Closing in for the k*ll.

Do you believe
that grant's tomb?

He has a better place to be dead
in than most people have to live in.

Wait a minute, jo.

We can't park here.

Sure we can. We
parked here before.

We also got a
ticket here before.

Which means it's good all day.

It's an old new york trick.

I've done it hundreds of times.

Stick this on the windshield.

Any cop that comes
won't even bother you.

Except this one.

You're testing me, right?

You couldn't be serious

About parking here again.

How nice to see you!

Come in. I told you
we're gonna be friends.

What's your first name?

Officer.

My, look at all these
unemployed people.

Great, there she is. Hey, nat.

Hi!

Are we too late? Where's tootie?

Oh, off making friends.

How's she holding up?

Fine. How was your
first day in new york?

Great. They told me it was
impossible to get tickets on broadway.

I got two.

I told you you did it wrong.

It's an apple to the
horse, a 20 to the cop.

We're triple-parked.

Just tell tootie we came
by to wish her good luck

And tell her to break a leg.

Believe me, she's
considering it.

So, cinnamon, how's it going?

Ok.

You've never auditioned
for pete before, have you?

Never.

He's a pussycat...

As long as you don't sing
the cruel song, of course.

The cruel song?

Oh, yeah. When somebody
sings it, he gets cruel.

See, he used to go
out with this girl,

And it was their song.

But then she dumped him,
so now he hates the song

And anybody who sings it.

Well, what is it?

Two of hearts.

Two of hearts...
Like on the charts?

Yep. Anybody who
auditions with that...

Summer stock in mexico.

I see.

Number 314. It's showtime!

314.

Well, that's you.

Hey, wait a minute, where
are you going? You're on!

I can't do it.

Two of hearts is the
only song I prepared.

Number 314.

What?

I spent all my money
on a background tape

For that song.

I don't have any other music.

That doesn't matter.

Sing something a cappella.

That's ok.

And I'm glad you told me.

It could have been
really rough in there.

But you cared
enough to let me know.

I was beginning to think nobody
cared about anyone in new york.

But I guess I was wrong.

I'm really glad I
met you, ginger.

314. Last call.

Cinnamon, forget what I said.

It doesn't matter what you sing.

I made up that cruel song story

Because I'm singing
the same thing you are.

You're so good, I didn't
want to be compared to you.

Ok. That's a no-show. 315.

Wait, 314 is right here.

Tough. Too late. 315, You're on.

316, Get ready.

Cinnamon, I feel really bad.

I mean, all of a sudden,
I wanted it so much

That I let it turn me
into a different person.

I'm really sorry.

Hey, I think I understand.

Sometimes we all get crazy.

That's ok, ginger.

It's not ok.

My name isn't even
ginger. It's not?

No, it's tootie.

God, no wonder you changed it.

Cinnamon, don't give up.

You've got such a great voice.

Ginger, excuse me, can
I see you for a moment?

What happened?
She missed her turn.

I psyched her out, all right.

Out of show business.

Oh, no. I feel terrible.

Good.

316, You're on!

They called your number.

Over here.

Here.

I may not be ready
for broadway...

But you are.

316.

Are you sure?

She's right here.

Come on.

You going to eat that?

Hey... Break a leg.

And so we say good-bye
to ginger curry,

Artist, actress, and
perhaps most importantly,

A woman no longer in flux.

♪ I need you ♪

♪ I never said I wasn't gonna ♪

♪ Tell nobody ♪

♪ No, baby ♪

♪ But this good lovin' ♪

♪ I can't keep it to myself ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ When we're together ♪

♪ It's like hot coals ♪

♪ In a fire ♪

♪ Hot, baby ♪

♪ My body's burnin' ♪

♪ So come on, heat my desire ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ I got this feelin' that
you're going to stay ♪

♪ I never knew that it
could happen this way ♪

♪ Before I met you, I
was falling apart ♪

♪ But now at last, I
really know that we are ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Two hearts that b*at as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ I need you, I need you ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Two hearts that b*at as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Two hearts that b*at as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ I need you, I need you ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Two hearts that b*at as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ Two hearts that b*at as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts ♪

♪ I need you, I need you ♪♪