08x19 - Boy About the House

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin',
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

Hey, guys.

Sorry.

It's okay. First big earthquake,

It would've fallen down anyway.

Jo, we're on pins and needles

Did you get it?

Yep, you are looking at the new

Editor-in-chief of
the senior yearbook.

Jo, that's great!

Oh, you know,

I still have my
college yearbook,

Class of 19... A.d., Of course.

You should see my picture.

It's so young and innocent.

Oh, why don't I just get it,

And we'll all have a good cry.

Uh, some other time.

Right now, I got a lot of captions
to write for the senior photos.

You know, like
"best personality,

"Miss congeniality,

Guy most likely to succeed.”

Hi, everyone. Hey!

"Girl most likely
to be congenial

To the guy most
likely to succeed."

Ray rollins, I want
you to meet natalie,

Jo, and beverly ann.

Hi.

Oh, no!

Natalie, why are you
making such a mess?

It's a hobby.

I met ray at school
last semester.

He's a performer on
the college circuit,

And he's back at
langley this weekend.

Yeah, blair said I might find some
unusual props for my act here.

Well, if you need some
boxes, let me know.

Hey, everybody.

Oh, tootie, this is ray.

Wait till you see his act.
He's absolutely wonderful.

Hey, let me outta here.

Your jockey shorts are
creeping up on me here.

Who was that?

Excuse me, but I think
someone in your luggage

Is trying to get your attention.

This is, uh, this is sam.

He's been with me for years.

He is, uh... He's like
my partner in the act.

Don't be ridiculous,
I am the act.

Oh, you're the ventriloquist.

Well, no, he's a brain surgeon,
and I am his scrub nurse.

Andy, don't...

Trip over the boxes.

Sorry. Not my day.

Join the club.

Hiya, kid.

Who's stuck in your
mouth? Ha ha ha!

That's funny.

Tough audience.

Andy.

You feeling okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Guess what?

Ray has asked me to
introduce his act tonight.

He says if I work real
hard, I can appear with him

Next time he plays langley.

I thought he
already had a dummy.

Are you gonna
take that from her?

Hey, sam, don't put your nose
where it doesn't belong, huh?

Well, I could say the same thing
about your hand, flash-face.

You know, I just
love show people.

Back in albaton, we
used to have a juggler.

Well, actually,
he was the mayor,

But he would juggle
at the moose lodge

With his seven cats
and his chihuahua...

Hey, uh... Hey, beverly ann.

Hey, sam, don't
interrupt somebody

When they're in the
middle of a story.

Believe me, she's not
even close to the middle.

But this is real important.

Hey, sam, what
did I just tell you?

Okay, then, I'm
not gonna tell you

That the kid's got his
hand in the cookie jar.

But, andy, stealing
just isn't like you.

I know you.

Something must
be terribly wrong.

Look, andy, if you're
not gonna say anything,

It makes what you did seem a
lot worse than it probably is.

Come on, we've never
had any secrets.

Talk to us.

Maybe he's waiting for
us to read him his rights.

Okay. I'll tell you the truth.

Um, see there's
this bully at school,

And he's blackmailing me

Because he's got pictures of me

With the anderson twins.

For best performance by a minor

In the "lying through
your teeth" category,

The winner is... Look, andy...

Andy, we're all friends here.

I think we deserve
a little honesty.

You're leaving us no choice
but to call your family.

Yeah, some family.

You're not talking
to them, either?

They're not talking
to each other.

My foster parents
are splitting up.

Oh, andy.

I'm so sorry.

What does this mean for you?

It means I get shipped
back to the home

Until some other foster
parents want me, if they ever do.

Only this time I wasn't
going back to that place.

I was gonna run away.

So that's why you
took the money.

I was gonna pay you
back when I grew up.

Andy, I know it's rough

What you're going through.

But the agency's bound to
place you with another family.

Sure, they'll put my picture and
description in their newsletter.

You know... "Andy's 13, he's
bright, talkative and friendly.

"He's been moved
from place to place

And wants a home
he can call his own."

I don't see why
they just don't put

"Well-trained and
has all his sh*ts."

Come on, andy.

You know how many
sets of foster parents

I've had in the last six years?

Four.

On mother's day I
just send out a card,

"To whom it may concern."

Maybe this time you'll
find adoptive parents

Instead of foster ones.

Sure, if I was cute,
cuddly, and still in diapers.

Well, two out
of three isn't bad.

It is two out of
three, isn't it?

Andy, how about
if I call your house

And let them know where you are?

You can spend a
few days with us.

All right.

Maybe things will look
better in the morning.

Obviously, you've never
seen us in the morning.

I hope you'll be comfortable,

Except I don't have
any pajamas for you.

Oh, that's okay, I
sleep in the nude.

You don't, by any
chance, sleepwalk?

Sometimes.

Maybe you better
sleep in your clothes.

Well, shall I tuck you in?

Um, that's okay. I'd
rather not get used to it.

Well, can I get you something,
maybe a glass of water, huh?

Nightlight?

I kicked the nightlight
habit years ago.

Of course.

It's just that i... I never
had any children of my own.

It's okay.

I never had parents of my own.

Well, then I guess
you're set for the night.

Except for one
thing I forgot to do.

Oh, I'll do it for
you. I don't think so.

Beverly ann, I just
had the craziest idea.

Well, it's not just
my idea, it's ours...

And it's really not that crazy.

You're probably gonna like...

You know, you probably
won't even go for it.

The four of us wanna
be andy's foster parents.

I was getting to that.

Well, we wanted to hear it
before he was old enough

To be his own foster parent.

How does this grab you?

When I'm working
at senior sombreros,

Tootie takes care of andy.

When she's at school, jo does.

When jo's at the radio
station, blair does.

And when blair's out doing
whatever it is she does,

I take care of andy.

The four of us have
so much to offer him.

I could take him to the theater

And expose him to the
great works of drama.

And I could take
him to the library

And acquaint him with the
great works of literature.

And I could take him
to the country club

And introduce him to the
people that support both of them.

I'll take him to the places
he really wants to go.

That is a novel idea,
raising a kid on timeshare.

All right, it's not
the perfect solution,

But you gotta admit it's
better than what he has now,

Which is nothing.

Well, have you thought about

What's gonna happen
when you graduate?

The four of you may go
off in separate directions.

How's andy gonna feel then?

No worse than
he feels right now.

And at least, in the meantime,
we'll have a few good years.

Besides, it'd be nice to
have a boy around the house.

Any boy.

You mean well, but...

You're offering andy
a temporary solution.

That's not what he needs.

He needs someone
who isn't worried

About finishing college
or starting a career,

Someone with the freedom

To devote herself
to him full time,

Someone who has room in
her life for another person.

Someone like me.

Are you saying what
I think you're saying?

I think I am.

Don't tell me, you all
want to tuck me in now.

Andy, before you
go to sleep, um...

There's something
i-i have to say to you.

Um... I don't know
how to put this.

Well, don't ask tootie.

Andy, your days of...

Bouncing from foster home
to foster home are over.

I... I love you, and I
want to adopt you.

You do?

With all my heart.

Yes, that's right.

Stickle... As in pickle.

Fine. Oh, thank you very much.

Oh!

Well, we're on our way.

The agency is sending
an adoption application,

And then a social worker
will be here in a few weeks.

Oh, that's great!
Isn't that great, andy?

Yeah. Can you pass me the sugar?

Do you think it'd be a good idea

To have a little cereal
with your sugar?

But this is the way I like it.

Well, I guess it's okay

As long as you brush your
teeth after every meal.

You do brush your teeth
after meals, don't you?

When I feel like it?

Well, do you feel like it today?

No, I'll be late for school.

Um, I'll drop you off,
andy. It's on my way.

Drive carefully. Buckle up.

You haven't had any
tickets, have you, tootie?

Well, I mean, how do I know you're
not gonna get into an accident?

Would you like me to
breathe into a balloon?

Andy, how about if I
pick you up after school?

You don't have to.

No, I'd like to. What time?

3:00.

Don't you kids stay till
5:00 like normal people?

Well, then forget it.

No, no, it's... It's
just that I was going

To the salvador dali
exhibit in new york.

But, listen, it's okay.

You've seen one melted
watch you've seen them all.

I'll be there, 3:00.

All right, see you later.

Well, I'm off.

Another day, another nacho.

Natalie, does it
ever get any easier?

Oh, sure, some days
nobody orders fajitas.

It used to be so easy,
between andy and me,

And now that I'm
supposed to be his mother,

Suddenly everything's changed.

It's only natural to
have second thoughts.

I'm sure when my mom adopted
me, she must've had some.

Oh, natalie, that's
right. You were adopted.

How did your mother adjust
to being an instant parent?

Well, mom had to start off
with diaper rash and teething,

But, uh, according to
her, you just dive right in

And the rest is
on-the-job training.

I guess I'll just have
to be more mature.

I'll have to be stable.

I'll have to be... Different
than I usually am.

Sounds like you have a
lot of things to think about.

Yeah, a lot of negative ones.

And only one positive one.

I love that child.

That's what my mom said, too.

You know, you're
quite a philosopher.

You really seem to understand
what andy's going through.

It's like I always say.

You never know a man

Until you've walked
a mile in his shoes.

You never know your roommate

Till you catch her
talking to her socks.

Boy, she's as
charming as you said.

Blair, I'm trying to work
on the yearbook here, huh?

Oh, the senior photos!

Which one's mine?

It's right here on top.

How appropriate.

Oh, no!

I look so... Less
than fantastic.

My eyes are crossed,

And I have this stupid
expression on my face.

Camera doesn't lie.

Oh, come on, now, jo,

Tell me you're not using that.

Oh, please, let me retouch it.

Let me take another picture.

Let me pay you hard cash
not to publish this yearbook.

Sorry, blair, everything's
at the printers.

These are just the layouts.

Oh, by the way,
here's my picture.

You look good.

Yeah.

You know, it feels nice
having andy around.

Sort of like a little brother.

Yeah.

I really don't think I
could sleep at night

Knowing that somewhere
out there our andy,

Dear little waif that he is,

Was standing in line
in an orphan asylum

Holding up a bowl for porridge.

Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪

♪ I love you, tomorrow ♪

Has andy called?

I waited in front of the
school for him for 45 minutes.

He never showed up.

Relax, beverly
ann. When I was a kid,

I had no concept
of time, either.

And I had a rolex.

Andy!

Thank goodness you're safe.

I was so worried.

Where were you?

Out.

What were you doing?

Stuff.

Who were you with?

The guys.

Well, thank you for
sharing that with me.

But you could have called.

I would have, but the bartender
wouldn't let me use the phone.

Well, next time call.

Well, I'm gonna
get dinner started.

What do you want me to make?

A double cheeseburger, onion
rings, and a root beer float.

I'll be right back.

Think I'll warm
up on some candy.

You're trying to screw
this up, aren't you?

What are you talking about?

Beverly ann is working very hard

To learn how to
be a mother to you,

And you're acting
like a spoiled brat.

Hey, I didn't ask
her to be my mother.

I don't believe
what I'm hearing.

Andrew, you've got a
great opportunity here,

And you're gonna throw it away?

I don't have to throw it
away. It's not gonna happen.

What are you talking
about? Beverly ann loves you.

I know that.

Then what's the problem?

Look, I've been up
for adoption before,

And every time
something goes wrong.

Either the people get divorced,

Or they change
their minds about me,

Or the adoption
agency turns them down.

That's not necessarily true.

I'm sure everything is
gonna work out just fine.

Can you absolutely
guarantee that?

Can you promise me that this
time it's really gonna happen?

I didn't think so.

Oh, no. It's the social
worker. She's early.

Relax, beverly ann,
everything looks great.

She'll love you.
Wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

Do I look like a mother?

Beaver cleaver would be proud.

Oh, hi, guys, come
on in. Hey, thanks.

Oh, good!

It's only you.

I have time to teach
andy a second language.

So, today's the big day, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, ray, I was
just thinking about

The first time we
found each other.

You walked in that store,
our eyes met, and you...

I can't stand it!

He gets this way sometimes.

Hey, I brought your new partner,

Just the way you ordered.

Oh, great. I can't
wait to see this.

Oh! It's perfect.

Hey, wait a minute. The
minute my back is turned,

You rent out my condo?

Hi, guys. Oh, jo!

I'm so glad you're back.

I have something here I
think you'll appreciate.

Unless it's between
two pieces of rye bread,

I'm not interested.

Now, come on, it'll
only take a minute.

I want you to meet
my new partner.

I think you'll have
a lot in common.

Jo, meet jo-jo.

Jo-jo?

That's my name. Wanna
make something of it?

Isn't she sweet?

Who're you calling
sweet, blondie?

This can't be happening.

Oh, but it is.

It's happening tonight.

Live, onstage at
the student union.

It's sold out.

But don't worry, we're saving
a seat for you, sweetheart.

All right, blair,
name your price.

Anything to keep that
thing out of show business.

Hmm.

A new photo?

A yearbook picture?

Oh, I couldn't ask
her to do that.

I'll call the printers.

I'll help you dial.

Oh, no, my little jo-jo is gone.

I'll never get over her, ray.

I'll never get over jo-jo.

Hey, ray, check out
the legs on that piano.

This is it, andy.

Now, be pleasant and courteous

And answer all her questions.

Now, don't sweat
it. I know how to act.

I've been through
this before, remember?

Welcome. Welcome to
what I like to call our home.

I'm mrs. Newell.
Won't you come in?

Thank you.

And this is andy?

Hiya, toots!

No, no, this is andy.

Oh.

Good choice.

Well, uh, I guess
I better be going.

Yeah, good luck, beverly ann.

And kid, uh, don't
crease the suit.

Let's see now, uh,
besides you and andy,

There are four young
women who live here?

Yes. Uh, jo, blair,
natalie, and tootie.

Tootie?

She's really a dorothy, but
she never liked that name.

My name is dorothy.

I personally love it.

Oh, where are my manners?

Would you like some tea?

We have high tea
every afternoon...

Not that we get high, of course.

Thank you.

Mrs. Stickle, there's
no need to be nervous.

I'm just here to see what andy's
home environment will be like.

Oh, beverly ann's fixed
up a great room for me.

It's right next to the boiler.

It has a lot of warmth.

Well, let's see now.

You are single...
With a legal divorce.

Mm-hmm.

And you're over 18.

Yes, but thanks for asking.

Well, I think you've provided
me with a lot of information.

What will be the next
step, mrs. Newell?

I'll go back and write a
summary that will help the agency

Determine the
outcome of this case.

Andy, would you
excuse us, please?

Yeah, sure.

See? Here it comes.

Mrs. Stickle,

Perhaps you shouldn't
get your hopes up.

You didn't like
the tea, did you?

It was the tea, wasn't it?
No, no, everything was fine.

But, truthfully, in a
situation like andy's,

Where a child has been
shuffled around so much,

We must make sure
that he's provided

With the best
parenting possible.

Now, wait a minute, mrs. Newell.

You know, beverly
ann may not be perfect,

But you gotta look
at the total person.

You know, she may not look it,

But beverly ann's
really quite capable.

She runs the house,
she manages the store,

She puts up with jo.

To raise a kid in today's world,

You need a sense of humor.

This woman cracks
us up all the time,

And sometimes she
even means to. Ha ha ha!

She's just a human being.

A plain, simple,

Ordinary, average,
run-of-the-mill...

She get's the point,
tootie. Thank you.

What we're trying to say

Is that andy needs
love and a good home.

Beverly ann can give him both.

I'll take that into
consideration.

Andy, where are you going?

Out.

Well, what about your homework?

I'll do it later.

When later?

Lighten up, I got
it under control.

Besides, I promised the guys.

Well, I still wish you'd
finish your homework first.

Give it a rest. It doesn't
matter what you wish.

The adoption's not gonna
happen. I heard what she said.

I don't give a flying
fig what she said.

You've been getting
away with m*rder.

And whether or not
I get to adopt you,

It's about time you
learned to be responsible.

Now get back up those
stairs and do your homework.

Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Stickle, bravo.

That was real parenting.

From what the girls said
and from what I've just seen,

I now have a lot of favorable
things to put in my report.

Keep a good thought.

A flying fig?

Beverly ann, you were terrific.

I was, wasn't i?

It's really gonna
happen this time.

Well, what do you know?

I'm gonna be a mother.