06x19 - The Spirit of Columbus

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Family Ties". Aired: September 22, 1982 - May 14, 1989.*
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Set in suburban Columbus, Ohio during the Reagan administration, Steven and Elyse Keaton are baby boomers, liberals and former hippies, raising their three children: ambitious, would-be millionaire entrepreneur Alex; fashion-conscious, gossipy Mallory; and tomboy Jennifer.
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06x19 - The Spirit of Columbus

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



- Morning, Andy.
- Morning, Mom.

So, what'll it be
for breakfast, today, huh?

Granola? Oatmeal?

Woofer's Delight.

Woofer's Delight. What's that?

It's dog food, Mom.

(Andrew barks)

He saw the commercial
on television,

he fell in love with it,
and now he wants to be a dog.

Buy me some Woofer's Delight.

My favorite is beef flavor.

It'll make my coat shiny.

Morning, darling.

- Morning, sweetie.
- Morning, everyone.

- MALLORY and JENNIFER:
Morning, Dad. - (Andrew barks)

Woof, woof, woof.

(Andrew growls)

(Steven growls)

Steven, what are you doing?

I don't know. (laughs)

My boy woofed at me.
I woofed back.

(Steven laughs)

If you bought me
some Woofer's Delight,

it would show me
you really care.

(whimpering)

It-it does make its own gravy.

Dad.

Keeps your dog young and frisky.

Ruff, ruff, ruff!

- Morning, Mom.
- Hey.

Mal. Old Yeller.

How are you?

Oh. Ooh.

(knocking)

Oh. Hey.

- Hey!
- Hi, Nick.

Hey! Morning.

Morning. What, uh, brings you
here so bright and early?

Well, Mal and I have got
to get to the flea market.

- The art show starts today,
and I'm exhibiting. - Oh.

Oh, yeah. What do you got
for the lucky art lovers today?

No, show them, honey.

Oh.

So, what is it, Nick...
self-portrait?

It's called
The Spirit of Columbus.

You see, it symbolizes
the classic beauty of the city.

The, uh, the steel and iron here
stand for the river,

and the aluminum here
stands for the hope and yearning

for hope and yearning.

I don't get it, Nick.
(laughs)

That's what separates us.

- You know, that's the difference
between us. - Hmm.

Yeah. That and about
four truckloads

of functioning brain matter.

(clears throat)

Well, I think it's sweet.

Hey, thanks.
And, uh, you know,

the money I get from it will,
uh, help build up our nest egg.

(laughs)

N-Nick-Nick, what?

What do you need a nest egg for?

You're young! You should be
footloose and fancy-free,

visiting foreign ports...

Mexico, China...

other planets.

Mr. Keaton, Ms. Keaton,

Mal and I are starting to get
kind of serious, and, you know,

we've even been thinking
about maybe getting...

Nick!

(laughs)

Please!

(whimpering)

Andy...

we love you very much,
but I'm sorry.

We've decided to raise
our children as human beings.

Now, when you're older,
you can make your own choice.

But right now, you're only six.

In dog years, I'm .

In dog years, I'm .

And your mother here is ...

Although she doesn't look
a day over .

(Andrew barking)

(Steven sighs)

It's something different
with every kid, isn't it?

I don't know, Elyse.

Maybe we shouldn't fight it.

Maybe we should just
teach him some tricks

and show him off to guests.

Ta-da!

We did it!

W-Where's the sculpture?

I sold it for $ .

(groans):
The nest egg lives.

Yeah.

So, uh, Nick, that, uh,

money must be burning quite
a hole in your pocket, huh?

No, Dad. It's going to go
into the bank, into our account.

It's the beginning
of our nest egg.

Oh.

(Andrew barking)

Come on, Elyse.
Time for his walk.

NICK:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey! Hey!
- Hi.

How come you guys are so happy?

Cartoon festival on TV tonight?

No, Alex.

We sold Nick's sculpture.

You what?!

Fact is,
I could have sold five of 'em.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yep, look at this.

bucks?!

Yeah, and the, uh,
parts cost me .

Uh, you know, I think
I probably made a profit.

I think you probably did.

Let's see. If you borrow
one from the nine...

Nick, Nick, that is
a profit margin of %.

(Nick sighs)

I-I've got a whole new
appreciation for art.

- Okay.
- (clears throat)

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute, Nick.

Nick, did you say
you had five other customers?

And you didn't take any orders?

Well, I don't see how I could.

There was only one statue, Alex.

I mean, what are they teaching
at that college?

Nick, you've got four
other people who are willing

to pay you for
The Spirit of Columbus, right?

Yeah.

Well...

I think
your next step is obvious.

What is that?

You make four other statues, and
you sell them to those people.

Aw, no,
I wouldn't want to do that.

You know, I don't work that way.

You know, I like to look
at each piece

as a, uh, separate, uh,
artistic expression, you know?

Oh, grow up!

Come on, you think
Michelangelo was alive today,

he wouldn't be on his back

cranking out Sistine Chapel
ceilings by the dozens?

Well, Alex,
I think Nick has a point.

It's-it's a question
of artistic conscience.

The Spirit of Columbus
is a one-of-a-kind.

I-I know.
That's what I love about it!

It's one-of-a-kind.
We can sell millions of 'em!

- Eh, I don't know.
- Nick. Nick.

Nick, Nick, Nick,
Nick, Nick, listen.

You really care about Mal,
right?

Sure.

Now, as far as economics goes,

Mal may not know much
about supply,

but she is definitely an expert
on demand.

Thanks, Alex.

- Mallory is the ideal consumer.
- Well...

So you have to be
the ideal provider

just to keep up with her.

Fortunately,
I am the ideal manager.

Oh, wait a minute, Alex.
I know what you're trying to do.

You want to take Nick's artistic
gift and-and commercialize it.

Yes! This is a big step for me.

Listen, guys,

I... I really want you
to get your nest egg going.

Now, Nick, I only
want what's best for you.

Mal, I only want
what's best for you.

And, guys,
I only want % for me.

Okay, Nick, here you go.

I think we got
everything you need.

We got light, we got tools.

You're in a garage.

You're as happy as you can get.

Okay, pal, create.

I'll see you at : .

Nick, you're not creating.

What's the problem?

It's not how it works, Alex.

You know, uh, I got to get

the right feeling going,
I got to be in the right mood.

Nick, you got to make
of those by tonight.

? You know,
it takes me a month to do one.

Well, then, uh,
you better pick up the pace.

Why do I have to do ?

Well, because, Nick, uh,
we're having a sale. See?

"Nick Moore,
renowned local artist,

"offers a limited issue
of his famous sculpture,

The Spirit of Blank."

Alex, it's not called
The Spirit of Blank.

It's called
The Spirit of Columbus.

Well, y-yeah, sure it is, Nick.

Sure it is, sure it is.

And-and when someone
from Columbus wants to buy it,

well, gosh darn it, that's what
we're going to call it.

But if someone from Philadelphia
wants to buy it,

we're going to call it
The Spirit of Philadelphia.

Someone from Hong Kong,

we'll call it
The Spirit of Hong Kong.

Someone from Toledo,
The Spirit of Toledo.

Stop me
when you understand this, Nick.

Uh, keep going.

Wherever there are people
with spirit,

and $ in their wallet,

we got something
for their mantle.

What?

The Spirit of Blank.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Alex.

You know, I can't work that way.

Um, I-I can't
make 'em that fast.

All right, we'll slow down.
We'll slow down.

Hey, it's the first day.
Take it easy.

Only do .

That's not how an artist works.

Ah, Nick, have a seat.

Do you think...

Do you think Leonardo da Vinci
only did one painting a day?

Uh-uh.

On the day he did the Mona Lisa,

he did three other paintings.

Mona Beth.

Mona Cathy.

And my personal favorite,
Mona Mona.

Bad news, Alex.

We've been to every junkyard
in town,

and these are the last
of the parts.

Oh, it's not
going to be a problem.

See, I got a deal in a place
with this guy up in Akron.

He's just going to fabricate the
parts and ship 'em down to us.

Oh, h-hey, then they, uh,
won't be the real thing.

You know, I kind of like
to work with the original parts.

Nick, you're already
orders behind.

Let's not get caught up
in technicalities.

It's not a technicality, Alex.

The material an artist uses

are-are the very essence
of his craft.

They influence the way he works,
the way he sees the world,

and finally, the way
his vision fulfills itself.

Mal, the man
glues together hubcaps.

Oh, hey, hey, excuse me.

If you think it's that easy,
Alex, then why don't you do it?

Yeah, all right, Nick,
all right, I'll get you started.

All right, Jen,
give me a hand with this, okay?

We're going to do six bottoms.

Uh, you mean the base.

Base, bottom.
Tomato, "tom-ah-to."

It's junk. Who cares?

Uh, no, Alex, Alex,
that's not the way it goes.

What? All right.

Geez. Jen.

(Nick sighs)

(whispering):
Ms. Keaton.

Oh, hi, Nick.

You haven't seen Alex around,
have you?

No. Why are you whispering?

(sighs)

He is watching me, every minute.

You know, I'm supposed
to be working right now.

I need a rest.

And my next break
is not coming up till February.

You really been working hard,
haven't you?

Ms. Keaton, um...

you're an artistic type
and everything.

I mean, you, uh, design houses,
you draw blueprints,

you're an architect.

I know what I do.

I guess what I am
getting at here is,

in a lot of ways,
you and I are the same.

I mean, I'm a guy
and I got a different name,

but otherwise we got
a lot of things in common.

And, I mean, in a lot of ways,
I think you're the only one

that can really understand
what I'm going through.

I don't even understand
what you're talking about.

I am making all these
Spirits of Blank,

and for some reason
they feel impersonal.

I am not enjoying it.

Well, why are you
sticking with it then?

MALLORY:
Nick?

Nick.

Eight more orders came in today.

Oh, great.

Spirit of New York,
Spirit of Miami.


(quietly): The nest egg's
looking awfully good.

I'm so excited.

You're asking me why
I'm doing it, and that's why.

You know, it's because of Mal.

It's for the nest egg.

Hey.

Nick! Nick!

What are you doing
out of the garage, Nick?

Is it February already?

Alex, I-I just wanted
to take a little break.

Nick, how many Spirits of Blank
have you done today?

Oh, about .

, Nick?

Look, you see,
I-I got a little held up.

- There was this
little twist I... - No.

Nick, Nick, when I want a twist,
I'll call Chubby Checker.

What I want from you
is art, okay?

Over and over again.

Art, art and more art.

All right? Th-That's what makes
a great artist:

Volume.

Yeah, I, uh, I forgot.

Okay.

All right.

Hey, uh, I'll see you
in February.

There you go.

Yes.

So, things are going
pretty well, huh?

Oh, Mom, it's incredible.

I mean, people are snapping
these things up by the bushel.

I mean, suddenly,
art has meaning.

- Great.
- I mean,

I can't believe the way
people are gobbling up

these sculptures, Mom.

And they can make
their own, you know,

just by driving their car
into a wall. (chuckles)

Probably half the price
I'm charging 'em.

Alex, I-I think you have
to go carefully here.

I mean, to you, money is
all that's important,

that's all that matters.

But-but I'm not so sure
about Nick.

Mom, I'm not totally blind.

I mean, I-I see
what's going on here.

I mean, Nick is working
very hard,

and he feels that his...

artistic integrity
is being violated.

(scoffs)

I am just looking out
for his future

and, in turn,
your daughter's future.

I just don't see
how a married couple can live

on-on the $ a year
he's averaged up to this point.

That's before taxes, Mom.

But-but Nick is an artist.

He's a very sensitive young man.

Mom, they may get married.

We have to face that.

And if Nick doesn't
make any money,

they're going to be living
in this house with you.

You get out there
and you get him working.

I don't want to see Nick
until February.

Nick!

(people chattering)

Pretty remarkable,
isn't it, sir?

I'll say.

What do you call this one?

Where are you from, sir?

Seattle.

Incredible!

Yeah, I mean, that's what
this piece is called,

uh, The Spirit of Seattle.

Well, I'll take it.

Congratulations, sir,
congratulations.

And, uh, sir,
just between you and me,

I think you're getting
the pick of the litter.

Nick. Nick, isn't that great?

Alex just made another sale.

Great.

That makes almost $
just from tonight.

He may be annoying,
but he sure can sell.

- Hi.
- Congratulations.

Seems you've got a smash.

Thanks, Mom.

I guess this is, uh,

really adding
to the old nest eh...

...nest eh...

nest eh... egg.

ALEX:
Well, Mom,

what do you think? One left.

Spirit of Elyse?

I'll give you that special
one percent family discount.

I don't think so, Alex.

- Okay. Hey, Dad. Dad.
- Hmm?

- Picture of Jacques Cousteau
on the top? - (groans)

We'll call it The Spirit of PBS.

Hey, partner! Hey!

- Hey.
- What do you think?

I don't know, Alex.

You know, The Spirit
of Columbus used to...

mean something special to me,
but for...

now, for some reason, it's, uh,
lost all its beauty somehow.

Aw, hey.

I never liked it.
(chuckles)

You don't, you don't see me
bailing out, do you?

We got customers here, Nick.

Uh, excuse me.
If you have any questions,

may I direct you to the artist,
Mr. Nick Moore.

WOMAN:
Oh. Oh, Bill,

wouldn't this be wonderful
in the living room?

Don't you think it would clash
with the drapes?

Oh, you're right.

Could we get this in blue?

Blue?

Uh, you know, I never really
thought of it in blue.

Yeah, see, madam,
changing the color...

Would-would make it
absolutely beautiful!

Uh, how many of these
would you like, ma'am?

Alex, what are you doing?

You can't, you can't change
this; this is Nick's art.

- Mal... - It's exactly the way
Nick envisioned it.

Mal, the customer
is always right, okay?

Especially when the customer
is willing to shell out $ .

I don't know, Alex, uh...

Nick, what are you doing?

It's your work! Either they
take it the way it is

- or they don't take it at all.
- Look, Mal,

if we don't sell these things,
we don't get money,

and then we won't have
our nest egg.

Nick, this is your art.

It's more important
than a few dollars.

This is not making you happy.

And if you're not happy,
then I'm not going to be happy.

Do you have this in a medium?

I suppose we could
take it in for you, sir.

NICK:
No, no, wait!

Alex! No. That's it.

You know, uh, this is
the way it is, period.

The way I made it.

You know,
it doesn't come in medium,

it doesn't come in extra large,
and it doesn't come in blue.

- Does it come in beige?
- Ooh!

(sighs)

Uh...

I...

Hey, Nick...

It's over, Alex.

Don't say anything.

Nick, how can it be over?

We are making
a lot of money here.

So what?

You know,
money is not everything.

Shh, Nick. Come on.

You don't know
what you're saying, now.

You're a little tired, okay?

Maybe you've been
working too hard.

No, no, no.

That is not it.

Nick, I'll tell you what.

You know, y-you know
that time off

I was promising you in February?

Well, Nick, take it now.

It's over, Alex.

It's over, it's over, it's over.

What-what are you trying
to tell me, Nick?

It's no use.

You don't understand
a word I'm saying.

I can be understanding, Nick.

I can. I can be understanding.

Try me, okay? Try me.

I will understand.

Okay, it's like this.

All this, uh, mass production
stuff that you want to do,

that's not art.

Every time I do a new sculpture,

I want to feel like
it's something new,

like I'm exploring a new world.

And your way
doesn't let me explore.

It doesn't let me be me.

I don't understand, Nick.

I knew it.

I-I'm trying to. I am.

I real... I want to.

I mean, I can see
that you mean it.

You're speaking
in complete sentences.

Alex, I grew up in
a very tough neighborhood.

Most of the guys
I hung out with,

they're still just hanging out.

And the only time
you hear about 'em

is when they done something bad.

So how come I didn't wind up
like them, huh?

How come I feel like
getting up every morning?

How come such
a wonderful girl like Mal

sees something special in me?

That's a question
we've all asked ourselves.

It is because of the art, Alex.

Every time I create
a new sculpture,

I get this thrill
that I am creating

something that nobody ever
thought of before.

Me, Nick Moore,
from the bad part of town.

When you start

turning my sculptures out
by the hundreds,

you take that away.

When you start
changing my-my sculptures around

to match some lady's drapes,
you take that away.

You take away
everything I live for.

If you... if you get one thrill

from one Spirit of Columbus,

why not turn out a hundred
identical thrills a week?

They are not identical.

They're not the same. No way.

All right, listen.

Let me try to make this
simple for you.

Would you, Nick?

Okay, okay.

It's like, um...

no two fingerprints
are the same.

Yeah. And?

It's like, uh,
no two snowflakes are alike.

So, no two snowflakes are alike.

So what?

That's what makes 'em special...
that they're unique.

(sighs)

Alex, it's just like...

no two dollar bills are alike.

Ah! Ah.

Uh-huh.

That's-that's, uh... See, they
got different serial numbers,

they come from a different mint.

Well.
(sniffs)

Uh, you see, just as the... See?

The way you feel about money,

that's the same way I feel
about a new sculpture.

You know, this is amazing.

Uh...

you and I are a lot alike.

I bet in your mind
that's a compliment, huh?

Yeah. Uh, we both
have commitment, you know?

We both, we both have to do
what it is that we do best.

Y-You're not going to
believe this, Nick,

but we're both artists.

I mean, uh, uh, you're an artist
with your hands,

and I'm an artist with my mind,
but we both create.

And-and...

and we're both
tremendously passionate.

I mean, you're a passionate guy.

I'm-I'm a passionate guy.

Stay where you are, Alex.

Y-You know what I mean.

I mean, your-your palette

is-is metal and wire
and-and paint.

Mine is dollar signs
and decimal points and deals.

But it's the same thing.

We-we both create
our own kind of magic.

Alex, is this what, uh,
Phil Donahue would call

"a bonding moment"?

I don't, I don't know, Nick.

Uh, how do you feel about that?

Uh, yeah, I guess it is.

I guess it is.

(knock on door)

Excuse me.

But if I can have
that beautiful statue in beige,

I'll take seven.

Uh, ma'am, um, let me,

let me, uh, let me tell you
a little something about art.

Okay. You know how
each dollar bill is unique?

In fact, do you have
a-a couple of bucks?

Sure. Here.

MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)
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