07x22 - The Wrath of Con Ed

[bunniefuu]

Ben: Looking sharp dad.

Ben: F.Y.I.dad, its popcorn-shrimp night at the sizzler.

Jason: Well thanks but unfortunately three months ago we planned tonight for a special night of theater, dinner, dancing, and the works.

Ben: The works?Ah, you mean sex.

Jason: Ben I know your 15 but not everything you hear is a euphemism for sex.

Ben: Well I guess not.I mean you sure don't seem very excited about taking mom out.

Jason: Well it's just that I have a speech to prepare for Monday, I've got the clinic budgets due next week,

and I'd cancel tonight but it would break your mother's heart.Oh, you look fabulous.

Maggie: Well I have been looking forward to this for months.

Jason: I'll pull the car around.I'm thrilled!

Maggie: Oh, me too!Ah...I'd do anything to get out of this.

Ben: Huh?

Maggie: Oh, I've got a column due next week, and I'm in the middle of researching another.I need a night out like I need a paper cut.

Ben: Gee mom, you know, dad sure would be disappointed if you didn't go.

Maggie: Oh, I know, but...

Carol: Mom is it ok if I borrowed your perfume?

Maggie: Oh, of course honey!Anything you want, I'm just so glad to have you home.

Carol: Mom, take it easy your giving me hug burns.

Ben: Man, dad can't wait to get you alone mom.

Maggie: I'll get my coat.The sooner I get this started the sooner I get it over with.

Carol: Marriage is never going to do that to me.Oh Kate, thanks for agreeing to have diner with Dwight and me.

I mean I really want Mike and Dwight to be friends but I know you had to talk Mike into coming tonight.

Kate: Don't be silly, Mike is really looking forward to this.He is so excited.

Mike: I've got a tape worm.

Carol: Poor baby!Where does it hurt?

Mike: Ah, well, well right there.

Carol: You're going, and if you hurt Dwight's feelings you'll wish you had a tape worm.

Mike: Oh my!A trip to London really mellowed her out.

Kate: A tape worm?

Mike: Well I was going to go with rickets, but I figured she wouldn't buy it two times in a row.

Chrissy: Why didn't you tell mommy that daddy didn't really want to go?

Ben: Well, because they think I'm going over to Stinky's.

Chrissy: So?

Ben: Well, I'm actually going cruising with Chuck Stake.Tonight he's going to let me ride inside the car.

Chrissy: You told a lie!

Ben: Quiet or I'll melt your Disney tapes.(Talking on the phone) Hello.It's the woman who has to put up with you tonight.

A broken leg?As in you can't come baby-sit?Well, if no bones are poking out, I don't see why not?But you have to!It's a matter of life and death!Ah!

Chrissy: Shh...I'm watching TV.

Ben: Yo, Chuck Stake!You want to come in?

Chrissy: We are watching the Little Mermaid.You looked like a loser.

Dwight: Welcome to the land that time forgot.

Mike: It's an attic.

Carol: Not its not!It's a Mid-evil banquette hall.

Mike: Ah, my mistake.

Kate: Carol everything looks beautiful.

Dwight: I'll go fetch our sumptuous repasts, so we can slay our appetites and slake our thirsts.

Carol: That means you get to eat and drink.Do you need some help my dearest darling?

Dwight: Oh, no thank you my luscious lamb-chop.

Carol: Are you sure my stalwart stevedore?

Dwight: Quite, my whimsical wench.

Mike: Get the food!

Kate: Carol, your dress is beautiful.

Carol: Thank you, Dwight made it.Yes, he sews.

Mike: Dwight, how did you open that door?

Dwight: Oh, it's simple.I rigged it to electric pressure mats on both sides, so the door opens and closes on its own.

Mike: Where did you get that idea, the lost note books of Leonardo da Vinci?

Dwight: No, the door of the Piggly-Wiggly.

Jason: (thinking to himself) I could increase clinic manpower.Will you knock it off; you suppose to be enjoying a night out with your wife.

Oh, look at her, having the time of her life.

Maggie: (thinking to herself) I'd give you cash to turn this car around.Stop it; you know how much he wants to go out tonight.

Jason: I'd rather put thumb tacks in my shorts.I should tell her.

Maggie: I've got so much to do at home; I've got to tell him.Jason....

Jason: Sweetheart I've...You go first.

Maggie: Honey, how do you feel about going out tonight?

Jason: Oh, jazzed and tingly.You?

Maggie: Oh, in the ballpark of jazzed.Just a side of tingly.

Jason: What, more like, uhhh...

Maggie: I'd rather have thumb tacks in my shorts.

Jason: Me too.

Maggie: Honey, I'm so sorry...you'd rather have thumb tacks too?

Jason: Yeah, I don't want to go out tonight.You want to go home?

Maggie: Oh you bet.Oh honey, isn't this the silliest thing we have ever done?

Jason: Well we did have a slight miscommunication, based on our great love for one another.

Here we can stop next ramp straight home make the most what is left this evening.

Maggie: Ok, but why are we slowing down?

Kate: This turnip soup is...umm...it's interesting.

Mike: Ninety-nine percent flavor free.

Carol: You have absolutely no since of adventure.

Mike: Hey, I'm here aren't I?

Kate: So, uh, Dwight what else are we having?

Dwight: Thought you'd never ask.Voila.

Kate: Meat?

Carol: Dwight, I thought I told you, Kate doesn't eat anything with a face.

Dwight: I cut it off.

Mike: Well, just out of curiosity Dwight, what was it when it had a face?

Dwight: Just your plain, garden variety muskrat.

Mike: Muskrat?Dwight, where did you get a muskrat?Did some guy in an alley come up to you, open his coat, and it was just hanging there?

Dwight: You know Merve?

Mike: Carol, you've had some weird boyfriends before but this time you got the door prize.

Carol: Ok Mike, that it, apologize to Dwight or I am never talking to you again?

Mike: Great!Two birds with one stone.

Dwight: You've had other boyfriends?

Carol: Ah, I should have known.I mean there is no way for us to be friends.

We are like oil and water, smart and stupid, and Dwight I told you Kate was a vegetarian.

Kate: Carol, he meant well.

Dwight: Hey, I can handle my own woman.

Kate: Your own woman?Carol, is that the kind of relationship you two have?

Carol: You're talking to me about relationships and you're with that?

Mike: Oh, hey, let's face facts here.There are four people in this room; two of them are wearing tights, and it isn't us.

Kate, come on get your stuff, we are out of here.

Kate: Dwight we had a lovely time.

Mike: No, no, no.Kate you don't have to be polite unless you want to be invited back.

Dwight: Hey!

Ben: Hey!

Chrissy: Hey!What happened?

Ben: The lights went off.

Ben: Chrissy I can't, I think the power is off.

Chrissy: I don't like the dark.

Chrissy: Ok.

Chrissy: What did you do?

Ben: Nothing!It's a power failure, why are you blaming me?

Chrissy: This never happens when mommy or daddy are home.

Ben: Look, you stay right here, I know where a flashlight is.Mom keeps it up here next to the uh....Christmas ornaments.Great, it still works.

Chrissy: That's not a real light.Put the lamp back on.

Ben: Chrissy, I can't there is no electricity.

Chrissy: Oh, so let's watch television tell it comes back on.

Chrissy: Wait a minute, I can't watch T.V.but you can listen to the radio?

Ben: Chrissy!We are going to play a little game called "shut up".You go first.

Radio announcer: The storm has downed a number of power lines causing blackouts over most of long island.

Radio announcer: Local predicts that the blackout will last another eight to twelve hours.

Mike: A blackout, great!Dwight, open the door.

Dwight: Woops!

Mike: I don't want to hear woops from this guy.

Mike: Cut to the chase.

Dwight: We are trapped like rats.

Mike: All right.Kate, watch you, I am going to break a window.

Kate: Mike!

Carol: Wait, wait, wait!There is an icy wind out there and the heat is off.You are not breaking anything.

Mike: Look Carol, all I have to do is throw something down to the street with a note attached explaining our situation.

Now, uh, what's the most worthless thing we've got up here?

Carol: You leave my Dwight alone.

Kate: It's getting cold.

Dwight: Never thought I'd die by freezing.I always thought it would be a shower mishap.

Mike: Come on, we are not going to freeze.There are plenty of ways to keep warm.Like, uh...

Dwight: We could eat.

Carol/Mike/Kate: Pass

Dwight: I was talking about dessert.

Mike: Oh, don't tell me.Merve sold you a goose for a goose berry pie?

Dwight: No, waffle sweet-cake.

Dwight: None.Just a hogs heard of "wassa wine".

Jason: Move it goober.

Maggie: Feel better?

Jason: I did until I realized that is a police car in front of us.

Police man: Excuse me sir, but did you just call me goober?

Jason: That was trooper, trooper.Thanks for asking.Good night.

Police man: We've got some downed power lines up ahead.Most of the island is blacked out.Keep your pants on.

Maggie: A black out, Jason the children!

Maggie: Oh great!Of all the nights to be taken away from home.

Jason: What's that suppose to mean.What like this is my fault?Maggie, three months ago tonight was just a date on the calendar.

We mutually circled it for some quality time together.

Maggie: Oh, is that all this is to you?

Jason: The point is...

Maggie: What is this, some kind of clinical exercise?Ok Jason, what else was on your agenda?

Jason: Sweetheart, look I'm sorry.I did want to be with you tonight.I wanted to spend...wait a minute, you didn't want to be here either!!

Maggie: No Jason, I didn't say I didn't want...

Jason: I have absolutely nothing to apologize for, Miss not tonight dear I have a deadline.

Maggie: Well, if that's the way you feel about it.

Jason: Where are you going?

Maggie: I am walking home.At least there people want to talk to me.

Jason: Ah!

Maggie: There is an icy wind and I am wearing thin shoes.

Carol: Well Mike, guess Miss Manners couldn't hold her cake.

Mike: Dwight, exactly how much wine is in a hogs head?

Dwight: About sixty-three gallons.

Mike: Sixty-three gallons?

Dwight: Most of it cooks off.

Mike: I don't believe this!First you get us trapped in the dark, then you try to feed us road k*ll, you get my girl plastered.

Dwight: Hey, in LA people pay big buck for a party like that.

Mike: Yeah well this isn't LA.We are getting colder by the minute.How are you going to get us out of this mess curly, toes?

Dwight: Well, we can drape every walls, windows, keep out cold.

Mike: Alright, where can we get drapes around here.

Carol: Yes, he does drapes too.

Chrissy: I feel like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.Why can't we put the heater on?

Ben: What are you complaining about?Your warm now, aren't you?

Chrissy: Yes.

Ben: Good.

Chrissy: Ben?

Ben: What!?!?

Chrissy: I have to go to the bathroom.

Ben: What?Why didn't you say that six layers ago?

Chrissy: Cause I didn't have to go then.

Ben: Well too bad, you're just going to have to hold it.

Chrissy: Is the bathroom electric too?

Ben: Yes!

Chrissy: This is all your fault Ben Seaver!You broke the lights, now you broke the bathroom; I bet you broke the whole neighborhood.

Ben: That's right Chrissy!I broke everything, its all part of my sick twisted plan.

Guess what, I saved the best for last.We are going to die, it's freezing outside and the smallest goes first.

Chrissy: (cries)

Ben: Aw...come on Chrissy, I'm just kidding.Everything is going to be fine.

Chrissy: It is not.You said the smallest goes first, and I'm the smallest.

Ben: Look Chrissy don't cry.Ok, you want me to make a "googy" face?

Chrissy: You always have a "googy" face.

Ben: Ok, I'll tell you a story?How about the Three Little Pigs?

Chrissy: There is a wolf in that one.

Ben: Umm...how about Little Red Riding Hood?

Chrissy: There is a wolf in that one too.

Ben: Ginger Bread Man?

Chrissy: Wolf.

Ben: Chrissy, isn't there anything I can do to make you feel better?

Chrissy: You can take me to the bathroom.

Ben: You got it.Walk this way.Stick with me cutie-pie; I'll take good care of you.

Jason: Five hours stuck in a car that is some romantic evening.What?

Maggie: You just described our first date.

Jason: Oh.

Maggie: What?

Jason: Yeah, I remember how hard I had to work to get you alone on that first car of mine.

Maggie: Well I still remember what you said."Hey Malone, want to see my fuzzy dice?"

Jason: Don't laugh, it worked.I'm sorry about earlier.

Maggie: Yeah, me too.So what kind of evening did I miss?

Jason: Front row seats at Miss Saigon, a window table at the rainbow room,

and a buggy ride through central park with what horse in the little flowered hat that you love so much.

Maggie: Ah, Jason, you really did want to make this a special night.

Jason: Yeah, I love you Maggie.Lately I miss you.

Maggie: I miss you too.

Maggie: I am coming back up front.

Jason: No, no.I got a better idea...yee haa.

Maggie: Jason, you and I in the back seat of a car, I half expect my father to shine his flashlight on us.

Jason: Yeah

Police Man: Roads clearing up, you kids b*at it or I will have your parents meet us at the station.

Maggie: Oh, Jason, I'm sorry you missed Miss Saigon.

Dwight: Hey, you know, I think this drape thing just might do it.

Mike: Your man's a walking punch line.

Carol: Mike, why do you pick on Dwight so much?

Mike: Oh gee Carol, I don't know.Maybe it's because he talks like a geek, he walks like a monkey, and he dresses like chimp.

In fact, I think he is the fourth stooge.

Carol: Look Mike, I'm the first to admit that Dwight's a little....

Mike: Squirrelly?

Carol: Different.

Mike: Well you got that right.

Carol: Well let's face it; Polly-Anna over there wouldn't win the Miss Normal of the universe contest.

Mike: What's that suppose to mean?

Carol: Mike, she grazes.

Mike: Carol, the point is, Kate loves me and I love her.And for you information I think that grazing thing is kind of cute.

Carol: The way you feel about Kate, that's how I feel about Dwight.

Well, it's just that Dwight is the first guy I've met who, who appreciates and understands me for who I really am.

He is my significant other, so get use to it.

Mike: Could take a little while.

Kate: Hey everybody.

Mike: Hey sleepy head!

Kate: Why is it so warm in here, what happened?

Mike: Oh, well uh, curly toes...I mean Dwight, saved us with his drape idea.He can actually be pretty smart sometimes.

Dwight: Couldn't have done it without you Mike.

Kate: I wonder how long tell the power comes on.

Carol: Dwight, why don't you play some music for us to help us pass the time?Yes, he sings too.

(sing) Dwight: You just, you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, That I'll come running, to see you again.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you got to do is call and I'll be there.I will.You got a friend.

Mike: Oh my gosh.

Carol: The black out's over.Yeah!Come here.

Kate: Well I guess we can go home now.

Carol: Yeah, sure can.But I was kind of enjoying that song though.

Dwight: Yeah, me too.

Mike: Well hey, we can finish it.

Mike, Dwight, Carol, Kate: You just, you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running.To see you again.

Ben: Chrissy, hi, the black out's over.Want me to put you to bed?

Chrissy: No, I like it here with you.