07x03 - Truckers

[bunniefuu]

- I can't believe it.
- (Mallory groans)

In August, Dukakis looked
like shoo-in.

Yeah, that was before
he got into the t*nk.

Now we've got Dennis the Menace
as vice president.

You know the worst thing
about Bush winning's gonna be?

ALL:
Alex.

Next time, I'm voting
for the front-runner,

no matter what he stands for.

- (Elyse speaking quietly)
- Hey.

Here you go.

All right, Alex, let us have it.

We're ready.

You people underestimate me.

The question is not whether
we are Democrats or Republicans.

Okay? We are Americans.

Whatever differences
we had during the campaign,

we must now set aside.

I want a kinder...

...gentler nation.

ALEX:
Remember...

...you fought
the good fight, okay?

You have nothing
to be ashamed of.

(groaning)

("Hail to the Chief" plays)

(noisemakers blaring)

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



Ah, good, good, good!
You're all here!

You know what I have
behind my back?

- ALEX: The fridge.
- MALLORY: We have no idea, Dad.

Whoa! A piece of paper.

What a stunner, Dad.

I've never seen
that done up close.

This is an electricity bill.

From the size of it, you'd think
we were major shareholders

of Ohio Electric.

I own some.

Does anyone know who the chief
waster of electricity is?

(Alex groans)

- I bet it's one of us.
- ELYSE: I bet it's one of us.

I did a little spot-check
of your bedrooms last night,

and I came up
with some interesting data.

Dad, I need my lights to study.

- So do I.
- MALLORY: I need

my light to study, too.

Uh-uh-uh, it seems
that Jennifer has forgotten

she left her air conditioner on.

Jennifer! It's almost winter.

It's not even hot.

Well, evidently it is,
when you're under your...

electric blanket.

Okay, well, now that we know
who the culprit is,

maybe she can just move out,

and the rest of us can get on
with our energy-efficient lives.

The utility bills
in this house are too high,

and they must come down...
have I made myself clear?

- MALLORY: Yes, Dad.
- Crystalline, Pop.

I think these are brown enough.

So, what are you doing, Andy?

My history homework.

Your history homework?

Alex is teaching me.

Today we're covering
the Industrial Revolution:

A capitalist perspective.

Well, somebody's got
to supplement that joke

of a first grade curriculum.

Listen, Andy, maybe
you can skip that today,

because Nick's bringing over
someone for you to play with...

his little nephew Rocco.

Rocco?

He's so cute. You know,
he's just like Nick.

Of course he's not
as sophisticated.

I mean, he is only
five years old.

So he's still got a year to go.

For your information, Alex,
Rocco's a very sweet little boy.

He's staying with Nick
for a week.

I think you're really
gonna like him, Andy.

Neat!
When is he coming over?

Any minute now.

All right, okay...

listen, before Nick and, uh,
Rocco get here,

maybe we can pack
a little more fun in.

Now, I got a surprise
for you, pal.

I was gonna save it for later,
but I think you've earned it.

In the living room,
on the table, is a book.

The Socio- and Economic Impact
of the Cotton Gin.

It's yours, pal.

Yay!

Alex, you spoil him.

Hey, Mal, listen, I think
it's nice that, uh...

that Nick's bringing
his nephew over.

I just don't want you to get
your hopes up, all right?

- What do you mean? - It's just
that I don't know if Andy's

gonna be that interested
in playing with Rocco.

I mean, he's really excited
about the Industrial Revolution,

and, you know, it's hard,
at his age, to really fake

that-that common touch.

(knocking on door)

Oh, they're here.

MALLORY:
Hey.

Hey, hey.

(clears throat)

Everybody,
this is my nephew Rocco.

Hey.

So, well, where's Andy, huh?

Well, Nick, uh,
(clears throat)

You know, Andy's a little shy.

So I-I would...

Hi.

Is that an earring?

Yeah, I would let you touch it,

but my ear's kind of infected.

Neat. Come on.

- I'll show you my room.
- ROCCO: Cool!

We're working on his shyness.

Ow!

Are you okay?

Dad, that's the third time
I've cut myself.

Can we please have
a little more light?

There's more than enough light.

Isn't there, Jennifer?

I don't know, is that you, Dad?

Dad, please?

All of them, Steven.

All right, all right.

I wasn't aware we were going
to perform microsurgery

in this area.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go wash my hair

and dry it by candlelight.

Wow, light.

All right, can we have
a little decorum here, please?

It is time for Wall Street Week.

Alex, Alex,
you don't intend to use

the electricity-guzzling
television, do you?

No, Dad, I thought I'd use
the wood-burning television.

Hey, Andy!

Buddy, come on down!

Wall Street Week is starting!

Alex, Andy's not here.

Uh, Nick took him and Rocco
to the mall.

The mall?!

Why would Nick drag Andy
to the mall?

(chuckles) I'm sorry.
First of all, Alex,

nobody has to be dragged
to the mall.

And secondly, Andy wanted to go.

Nick is buying him a T-shirt
just like Rocco's.

Not-not the one with the picture
of the dancing girl

and a mug of beer...

Oh, no, no,
you can't buy those in a store.

No, Rocco's mother
is a waitress there.

Well, I think it's nice

that Nick wants
to buy Andy a T-shirt.

And if Andy wants
his ear pierced,

like his friend Rocco,
I'm sure nice Nick will take him

to the earring booth at the mall
and get him that, too.

Oh, don't exaggerate, Alex.

Nick would certainly know

that we wouldn't want Andy
to do that.

BOTH:
Right, Mallory?

Right, I think.

ANNOUNCER:
This is Wall Street Week.

Welcome back.

One year ago this week,
Wall Street had a...

I can't believe it started
and Andy's not here.

Now what am I supposed to do,
watch Wall Street Week alone?

What's wrong with that?

It's just not done.

I mean, I mean, Wall Street Week

is event television.

It's something you got to share
with your loved ones.

I'd rather caught
in Bloomingdale's

in a house dress and flip-flops.

Mom?

Mommy?

Come on, I mean, we haven't...
we haven't spent

a lot of quality time
together recently.

Now's not the time
to start, honey.

Hey, Pop, guess it's just
us men then, huh?

I think there's
a light on in the attic.

Somewhere,
kilowatts are escaping.

Wait, what are we doing?

We're abandoning our firstborn
in his hour of need.

Oh, come on, Mom, it's fun.

- Well, let's sit down with him.
- All right.

- ALEX: Hey! All right!
- How bad can it be?

Wall Street Week?

Well, could be worse.

It could be one
of your dad's documentaries.

So, uh, what do we do?

Just, uh, just sit and watch it?

No, no, no, no.

You sit back,

relax,

let it envelop you...

whisk you away

into the magical world
of finance.

Here we go.

ANNOUNCER: Throughout the ages,
man has found a need

to have some medium of exchange.

So true.

That is so true.

ANNOUNCER: Early man used shiny
stones for this purpose.

On the other hand,

you might find more solace
in the report

by a Vanderbilt University
psychologist...

(Alex mutters, laughs)

Look at that graph.

Chic-a-chic-a-boom.

Hey, we are back, and we had
a great time at the mall.

- Yeah, and I got a T-shirt.
- ALEX: Wow!

That-that's great, that's great,
Andy... look, you're late.

Wall Street Week's
already started.

Look, Alex, Rocco bought me
this great truck.

Oh, that-that was real nice
of you, Rocco,

but you didn't have
to get that for Andy.

I had some spare dough.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot.

We made a special stop
at the earring booth...

(all screaming)

I bought these for Mal.

Oh.

What, they're too busy?

ALEX:
All right...

Okay, Andy,

you missed the beginning
of the show, but you're in luck.

I taped it; I'll watch it again
later with you, if you want.

Wait a minute, Alex,
you're using the VCR

and the television
at the same time?

Now, that's it,
no more electricity for you.

- Did you?
- Come on, Steven.

It's time for your nap.

You can dream
about an electricity-free world.

Look, Elyse,
somewhere in this house

there is current flowing.

Well, it's not in your brain.

Come on, Andy, let's go play
truck convoy in your room.

- NICK: Yeah, let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andy.

- (Nick imitates truck revving)
- Andy, Andy,

don't you want
to watch the show?

I could watch that any time.

I want to go upstairs
and play truckers.

Why don't you come up
and help us, Alex?

You can watch for smokies.

You don't want to play truckers,
do you?

Yes, I do. It's fun.

ANNOUNCER:
...from the world's

biggest creditor nation
to its biggest debtor.

(Alex sighs)

ANNOUNCER: And the only way
we got away with it

was that foreigners
seemed to like our...

Well, I'm glad I caught
you all in here together.

Do you know what this is?

I'm not gonna fall
for this one again, Dad.

This is the water bill.

Now, what are you people doing...
bathing in the stuff?

Well, I know
I'm not the problem.

I take a shower every morning
for minutes.

To be exact...

minutes and seconds.

A personal best.

Elyse, I clocked it...

Steven, don't tell me
you timed my shower!

Jennifer...

Yes, Daddy?

Jennifer, you came in...

at a little over an hour.

Morning and evening.

I like to think in the shower.

Twice a day?

Well, in the morning,
I plan out my day,

and at night, I recap it.

Well, from now on,
think with the water off.

Well, I'll try,
but it'll be hard

to consider it a shower
under those circumstances.

Dismissed.

Did you really
need minutes, Elyse?

I wish I could say
I'm not disappointed.

I'm getting dressed.

Please excuse me.

You can't say she's not polite.

Hey, have you guys seen Andy?

Yeah, he's out
with Nick and Rocco.

The three of them went down

to the interstate
to eat at a truck stop.

Yeah, it was Rocco's idea.

He can only digest fried foods.

All right, okay...

is it just me,

or do you guys notice
a change in Andy?

What do you mean, a change?

It's like his personality's
had a lube job.

Well, I think
he's having a lot of fun

with Rocco and Nick,
if that's what you mean.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh, what else?

What are you trying
to get at, Alex?

All right, okay, I know

this is gonna sound crazy...

but... I get the feeling

that Andy's not that interested
in me anymore.

I mean, it's ridiculous, I know,

but it-it's almost
like he finds me boring.

You?!

Come on. Boring? Never.

Annoying, yes.

Stuffy, absolutely.

Pompous, you bet.

Okay, but not boring.

Um... I don't know...

if you guys were-were
young boys around Andy's age,

I mean,
wouldn't you find me exciting?

I mean, someone to look up to,
someone to emulate.

I'm not sure what emulate means,

but I'm going with a no.

I do know what emulate means,
and I'm also going with no.

Look, Alex, don't worry.

Andy's just being exposed

to something
he's never seen before with you:

Fun.

And he's finding it exciting.

But look, soon Rocco will leave,

and Andy will have no choice
but to hang out with you again.

Thanks, Mal.

If it's any consolation,
I'm still fascinated by you.

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Uh, no,
Jennifer's not here right now.

Yeah.
She'll call you back.

Uh, no... uh, wait, wait.

She'll write you a letter.

You know what I have here?

A list of your favorite foods?

No, this is our phone bill.

(Alex sighs)

Very large phone bill.

Dad, I hardly ever
use the phone...

No, no, no, no, it's not...
it's not you, Alex.

And it's not me.

(Steven sniffs)

It's those chatty women
we live with.

Magpies.

- Dad... - I've-I've...
I've watched them, Alex.

Yack, yack, yack, yack, yack.

Long pause, then...
yack, yack, yack, yack, yack.

Again.

(Steven laughs)

(Alex laughs)

They don't care.

You're one foot
out the window, Dad.

I'm not kidding.

(Nick imitates brakes squealing)

(Nick imitates engine revving)

STEVEN:
Hey, guys.

- How was the grease?
- Oh, it was great. Great!

You know what? You got to come
to the diner with us.

They got this new deep fryer.

Makes everything taste
like chicken.

Sorry I missed it.

We brought you something.

For me? Well, I'll cherish it.

What is it?

It's a truck cab deodorizer.

How did you know?

(inhales)

We got something
for you, too, Mr. K.

- Huh? Oh.
- (Nick clears his throat)

Oh, what's this?

Well, we're not sure.

You know, it's either
fish sticks, of French fries.

But it's gonna taste
like chicken.

Hey, Alex, we're going
to the dirt bike race now.

You want to come?

It's loud, noisy and dirty.

(imitates revving engine)

Ah, well, that's-that's
a hard offer to turn down,

but, uh, I think
I'm gonna give that a pass.

- Okay. See you later.
- ALEX: All right.

(Nick, Rocco and Andrew
imitate engines revving)

Okay. (laughs)

Dad, is this not
driving you crazy?

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

Dad, don't you know
what's going on here?

I mean, you-you've been so busy
cutting down costs,

you haven't even noticed.

Dad, we're losing our son.

Oh, sure, when he does something
bad, it's our son, huh?

What-what... what seems
to be the problem, Alex?

I don't know. I mean, it's...

STEVEN:
What?

Ever since
Rocco came into Andy's life,

I mean, it's nothing
but-but games,

toys, fun, fun, fun.

Is that the kind
of six-year-old that you want?

Want? Well-well,
when it comes to the behavior

of my children,
want is something

I gave up a long time ago.

Well, what do you mean?

Well, take you, for instance.

Um, when you were first born,
as you know,

we called you Moonbeam.

- Yeah, all right. Shh! Shh!
- Well...

You wore love beads.

Yeah, yeah, right.
(clears throat)

Tie-dyed pajamas
with a little flap in the back.

You listened to Woody Guthrie,
Pete Seeger.

You were a child of the earth.

Laughing, loving, sharing.

Caring.

Then one day, you snapped.

What are you getting at, Dad?

You have to be careful
with Andy.

You push too hard,
you'll lose him.

Then you'll have to wait
for him to come back.

That's how it was with you.

All right, so, uh...

so when did I come back?

We're still waiting.

♪ This land is your land ♪

♪ This land is my land... ♪

Nah...

Do you know what this is?

THE FAMILY:
A bill.

STEVEN:
That's right.

It's the gas bill.

Steven...

this house is heated with oil.

The only thing in this house
that runs on gas

is the kitchen stove.

That bill can't be
more than $ .

Yes, but I think
with a little efficiency,

we can shave off $ . .

- What?
- Steven...

Yes? Yes, Elyse?

You really do need to seek
professional help.

Do you know what that will cost?

All right, Andy!

You ready to head out
to the dirt bike races?

- I sure am.
- All right, buddy.

Hey, uh, how about you, Alex?
You sure you don't want to come?

Ah, no, I don't think
I'm gonna make it this time.

But you guys go ahead,
have a great time.

I'll stay here
and hold down the fort.

You know, Alex, you're not
exactly my type of guy,

but for the kind of guy you are,
you're okay.

Well, thanks, Rocco.

Underneath that layer
of - oil...

you're a pretty
good guy yourself.

All right, we're out of here.

Come on...
anybody else coming, huh?

Yeah, I'd love to come;
I've never been.

Oh, Mal, you're gonna love it.

Tonight they are crowning
the Mud Queen.

Hey, uh, how about you, Jen?
You want to come?

Are you kidding?

I never miss a mud coronation.

(Steven laughs)

Hey, Alex, you want to come?

Uh, no, pal.

Uh, I think I'm gonna pass.

But you go and have a good time,

and when you come home,
you tell me all about it, okay?

- ANDY: Okay.
- All right, bye-bye.

NICK: Come on, Andy.
Come on, let's go!

- ALEX: See you later!
- Bye-bye.

(sighs)

Well, you did
the right thing, Alex.

You showed
some real grace, there.

Ah... you know.

Want him to be happy.

You know, sometimes, honey,

you're a little hard on him.

Sometimes you're a little
intense with him,

but I-I'd really rather it be
that way than have you just...

ignore him.

You know, if you're gonna make
a mistake with him,

it's gonna be out of love.

There's nothing like a mom.

What can I say?

Hey...

(door opens)

- ANDY: Hi.
- Hey.

What's up?
You forget something?

No, I just decided to stay home.

What? Hey, you all right?
You feeling okay?

You eat too many of those
chicken fish sticks?

I'm fine; I'd just rather
be with you, that's all.

Really?

Uh... I mean, 'cause...

you know, I-I don't want to
force you into anything.

You're not.

I really missed you.

Wow.

No kidding.

What, specifically,
did you miss?

Don't press me.

All right.

All right, all right.

I missed you, too, buddy.

I missed you big.

I love you, Alex.

I love you, too.

And, hey... I'll tell you what:

You tell me what you want
to do right now, we'll do it.

I'd really
like to play truckers.

Hey.

All right, truckers it is.

Okay.

Oh, hey, um...

can I be president
of the truck company?

Sure, no problem.

I'm chairman of the board.



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)