07x11 - Get Me to the Living Room on Time

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



(Steven growls)

Can I help you?

Can't you see
I'm trying to work here?

- What is it, honey?
- (heavy sigh)

Well, I'm really struggling,
trying to find a new idea

for a documentary.

It's been two weeks,
I haven't come up with anything.

The problem is, honey,
you're competing

with a lot of your earlier
work... it's hard to top

some of the things
you've already done.

I must admit
they were very good.

"In recognition of excellence
for the documentary...

"The a*t*matic Milking Machine:

The Day the Cows Dried Out."

That one made me cry.

Perhaps my best work.

"So You Think
You Know Your Hat."

- Are my friends here yet?
- No, not yet, honey,

- but I have your milk
and cookies all ready. - Okay.

Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait, hey.

Milk and cookies. Wait, milk.

Milk, cows.

Milking machines!

Don't you... oh.

(sighing):
Wait a minute, I've done that.

(sighing):
I've done it all.

- Hey.
- Dad, I think I've got it.

How about a documentary
on teenage sex?

As far as you're concerned,

there's no such thing
as teenage sex.

Oh, but there is.

You don't know anything
about it either.

Okay, how about a documentary
about a brilliant young artist?

You can use Nick.

Yeah, you could start
in his childhood

when aliens replaced his brain
with a throw rug.

(doorbell rings)

I'll get it!
They're my friends.

Hi, sweetheart.

Your directions were... perfect.

These are my friends,

Joseph Simmons and Eva Martin.

Gee, they're so old.

Maybe they got left back a lot.

Andy... you did
tell your parents

that we're from the
retirement center, didn't you?

- Oh! (laughing)
- Oh! The retirement center!

Andy's class visits there
every week.

- It's a school project.
- Oh, please, please,

- come in, come in, sit down.
- Thank you.

No, welcome. I'm Steven Keaton,
Andy's father.

It's so nice to meet you.

This is, uh, my wife Elyse.

Oh, excuse me, I feel as though
I know the family already.

I'll bet that's Jennifer.

- You're Mallory.
- Yeah.

- And you must be Alex.
- JOSEPH: Alex,

you know, everyone at the center
is so grateful to you

for teaching Andy to fill out
our tax returns.

Who would guess
you could deduct prunes?

Well, I hope
we'll see you again.

Certainly, if Andy will be
kind enough to invite us again.

- Mi casa es su casa.
- Oh... - (laughs)

- Well, we'll see you later. - See
you later. Nice meeting you.

Bye-bye.

Andy really seems to enjoy

visiting you at the center.

Oh, well, Andy's become
a very good friend.

You know, you can't imagine
how nice it is

to have a lively visitor
each week.

STEVEN:
We're running

a little low, Andy.

- I'll go get some more.
- Great.

Uh, according to Andy, uh,
there's so many activities,

you hardly have a moment free.

Well, Mrs. Clark,
the director of the center,

she believes that seniors
should always be kept busy.

If you're not busy,
she'll lecture you

until you chase her off
with a shuffleboard stick.

Then she's happy.

(laughs)

Joseph, you know
you enjoy the activities.

- (chuckles)
- He's shuffleboard champion.

Yeah, haven't lost a game
in four years.

They're talking
about testing for steroids.

(laughs)

Well, it seems like you lead a
really full life at the center.

Oh, well, you know how it is.

Nothing is perfect.

Oh, uh, Eva is perfect.
(chuckles)

EVA:
Excuse me,

but we've done nothing
but talk about ourselves

since we came in.

Oh, no, no, don't apologize;
it's been very interesting.

And I think you may have
solved a problem for me.

How about a documentary

about a first grader
visiting a retirement center?

Oh, I think that's a good idea.

No, i-it feels very good,

especially since Americans
are living so much longer now.

And I could personalize it

by focusing in
on you two and your lives.

What did I tell you, Eva?

Stick with me, kid,
I'll get you in show business.

Hi, Joseph! Hi, Eva! Hi, Sam!

JOSEPH: Oh, hello, Andy.
Hello, Steven.

- Hi.
- Oh, Sam, this is Steven Keaton.

He's making a documentary
about Andy and all of us people

- at the center here.
- How nice.

Yeah. And this is, this is
Jack McDowell, my cameraman.

Jack is gonna be taking
some background footage today.

Keaton, Keaton.

- I know your work.
- Oh.

- You did the documentary
with the hats. - (chuckles)

They show that every year.

- That's one of my favorites.
- Well, thank you.

You know, I'm no film critic,
but it seems to me,

in a half hour about hats, you
could throw in a pair of socks.

Mr. Keaton, I'm Mrs. Clark.

- We spoke on the telephone.
- Oh. Very nice to meet you.

Yes, we appreciate you giving us
permission to tape here.

Oh, not at all. But please
remember the conditions.

Try to keep the noise down,

don't interfere with any
of the organized activities,

and if you overstimulate
any of the seniors,

I'll have to ask you to leave.

Don't worry about
the over stimulation.

He did the thing with the hats.

Uh, well, look, uh,
here's how I'd like to start.

Andy, I want you to sit,
uh, with Joseph and Eva.

And what am I, an end table?

And Sam and I will ask you
some questions.

- Very good. Okay?
- Okay.

Good.

All right.

Uh, Andy, um,

what's it like coming
to the retirement center?

Well, the first thing
I've noticed,

everybody's older than me.

By a lot.

Uh, what do you like best
about being here?

Well, I like it
when they tell me stories.

Joseph, tell the story
of how you met Eva.

Ah. Andy, you know,
when my wife d*ed,

I moved in with my son David.

Well... we didn't
get along too well,

and so eventually we decided
that I should move in here

to the center.

I get along
with my dad very well.

Hi, Dad!

(laughing):
Hi.

And then one day we were
all sitting around here,

you know,
just like every other day,

then all of a sudden, in walks
the most beautiful vision

you have ever seen in your life.

That must have been Eva.

(laughing):
It sure was.

- And I noticed Joseph
right away, too. - Oh...

And, you know,
then I knew right away

that I had met the woman
that I was gonna marry.

And someday we will.

Not someday, Eva.

Time goes by too quickly.

Will you marry me?

Did you get that?

Joseph...

my answer is yes.

STEVEN:
Well, I don't believe it! Cut!

- Cut!
- Wonderful!

(indistinct chatter)

Hey, Dad.

Pretty festive in here.

- What's all this?
- Well, can't you see, son?

- We're in the movies.
- Hi. I'm Steven Keaton.

- Well, hey.
- WKS.

David Simmons.
So, what are you taping here?

Well, we're doing a documentary
on life here at the center,

and, uh, well, we just captured

a very, very special moment
on tape.

Well, Joseph, I'm sure
you'd like to tell your son.

- Well, David, my boy...
- What is it, Pop?

Well, Eva and I
are gonna get married.

Well, come on, kiss the bride.

Come on, seriously, Dad,

- what's going on?
- I... I am serious.

I mean, we've got
the honeymoon planned.

You bet. They're going to
a retirement center in Hawaii.

You are serious about this.

- Hey, Pop.
- Hmm?

Okay, just wait a minute.

Look, okay, it's crazy.

You two cannot get married.

All right, you're years old.

Oh, too young?

No, Dad, now, be realistic.

You can't get married.

You can't move out
of the center.

I mean, how are you
gonna take care of yourself?

I'm not going
to take care of myself.

I am going to take care of Eva,

and Eva is gonna
take care of me.

Who's gonna take care of me?

David, I'm not going to let
anything happen to your father.

Eva...

with all due respect,

I don't think this thing
can possibly work out.

I don't have to listen to this.

Let's go, Eva.

Dad?

Jennifer,
the water cooler's empty.

- Will you help me
with a new bottle? - Sure.

- Oh...
- Here, I'll get it.

Oh, God, these things are heavy.

Yeah, maybe we should wait,
let Mom do it.

We can do it.

Mallory, we have
to take the top off.

I know we have to take
the top off.

- I have to get my hand off...
- (Jennifer squeals)

- Wait, Jennifer, please hold on.
- Here, here.

No, wait, my hand's
right underneath it.

- Come on.
- No, don't... you can't...

I can't hold
the whole thing by myself.

Ladies... you want
to hurry up with this, please?

I'm thirsty.

Alex, you could give us
a hand, you know.

What, are you kidding me?
I don't touch this.

- Wait till Mom gets home.
- Alex! - Alex!

All right, all right, all right,

- all right, all right.
- All right, come on.

- First we gotta take the top...
- Take the top off... we know.

- Okay, all right.
- (grunts) Thank you.

Okay, all right,
now just bring it around.

- No, wait, you're gonna
spill it. - (knocking)

- I-I'll get it.
- No, I'll get it.

No, I'm getting it.
I'm right here.

All right, all right, we'll,
we'll all get it, okay? We'll...

(chuckling):
Hi, kids. Is your dad home?

Uh, he's not in right now;
he should be back shortly.

Care for a drink?

Well, no, thanks.

Do you mind if we wait for him?

- No, help yourself.
- No, fine. Come on.

- You need some help?
- Uh...

Nah, it's all right.
No, we got it.

JOSEPH:
Well, it's no trouble.

Eva does it all the time.

Well, we appreciate it.
We-we got it.

- Okay, all right.
- Yeah.

(all talking at once)

You're gonna spill it
all over me, Mallory!

ALEX: Just bring it...
bring it up. Just bring it up.

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Mom, how are you?
- Mom. - Mom.

STEVEN:
Attagirl.

Joseph! Eva!
Great to see you!

- Getting ready for the big day?
- Well, yes,

we've actually just
been taking a walk.

And, uh, discussing
the wedding plans.

Oh, you must be so excited.
I remember what it was like

before our wedding.

- It must've been very beautiful.
- ELYSE: Oh, it was.

It was outside in Golden Gate
Park. All our friends were there

with guitars and everyone
singing. Everyone was crying.

Oh, well, weddings
can be very emotional.

No, it was the tear gas.

Ou-Our wedding was held
in the middle of a protest.

Was it political?

Uh, no, it was her father.

I know what you mean...
we're having

some family problems, too.

I understand your son David

- isn't making this easy for you.
- JOSEPH: Well,

I don't know what it is.

I mean, why can't
he be happy for me?

I've tried to talk
about it with him, but...

but somehow
we can't communicate.

We were wondering if maybe
you could talk to him, Steven.

Well, Joseph, Eva, I-I'd...

I'd love to help,
but I don't know how I could.

I mean, I-I barely
know your son.

But you can relate to him.

I mean, you're, you're,
you're more his age,

and you speak
his groovy kind of lingo.

Besides, who can we go to?

We're all alone except
for the few people we know

at the center.

Please, Steven. We could
really use some help.

David comes to the center
every Thursday to visit.

All right. I'll try. I'll try,

but I'm not sure
what I'm gonna say.

- Oh, thank you.
- All right.

- Thank you. Now we can go on
with our walk. - Okay.

- Well, it's lovely that you
dropped by. - Oh, thank you.

- Please-please come at any time.
- Good-bye.

- See you Thursday.
- I'll be there. - Thanks a lot.

- You bet.
- Bye.

- (Steven sighs)
- (Elyse chuckles)

What? What-what was that
all about?

- Well, Joseph and Eva want
to get married. - (chuckles)

But his son David is adamantly
opposed to the idea.

Ah, well, I'm sure
he has his reasons.

I mean, you know,
caring for an elderly parent,

that's a... that's an awesome
responsibility.

How would you know?

Oh, come on, Ma. I've given this
a lot of thought, you know?

And I think that-that children
have an obligation to plan

for the day when their parents
become a burden on society.

I mean, uh... God knows I have.

Well, that's, uh...
that's a relief, Alex.

Your mother and I were afraid
we were going to be

set adrift on an ice floe.

Dad, Mom, I promise you...

that's a last resort.

No, when your time comes,
I'm gonna make sure

you get put into the most
comfortable, elegant

retirement center available.

Honey, honey, we're not gonna
live in a retirement center.

We're gonna live with you.

Well, then it's the ice floe.

- Joseph, Eva, hi.
- Oh, hello, Steven. - Hi, Steven.

- Where's your camera?
- Well, Sam, I'm, uh...

I'm here to pay
a little social call today.

Oh, that's great,
and I got all made-up.

I didn't notice
anything different.

Didn't you see
what I did with my hair?

No.

I parted it on the other side.

- Of the room.
- EVA: Oh!

(Sam laughs)

- Crazy. - (laughing): Steve,
can I have a word with you?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.
(chuckles)

- What is it?
- Well, first of all,

- I want to thank you very much
for coming. - Mm-hmm.

And, uh, David
is gonna be here soon.

- Well, I just hope I can do
some good. - Oh, well, I'm sure

you will be able to,
but... just if by chance

you should run into any kind
of a difficulty,

I've just, uh, prepared
a short list of points

you might want to make.

"David, remember when you were
seven years old,

and I bought you that bicycle?"

Thank you, but I, uh... I don't
think it'll come to this.

(both chuckle)

- Hello, Dad.
- JOSEPH: Ah, hello,

David. My, this is a surprise.

Who would have expected you
to be here today?

What are you talking about?
He comes every Thursday.

Why don't you go part your hair
on the other side of the room?

All right. Uh, I know
where I'm not wanted.

- You can cry on my shoulder,
Sam. - Come on, sweet potato.

Uh, say, David, can I speak
to you for a minute?

- Yeah, sure.
- (clears throat)

Uh...

look, I-I...

I realize you have an objection

to your father and Eva
getting married,

but I'd like you
to reconsider your position.

Now, from what I can see,

wouldn't a marriage make
the rest of their golden years

more... fulfilling
and rewarding?

Look, yeah,
I appreciate your concern,

but I don't see
how it's any of your business.

David, remember
when you were seven,

and I bought you that bicycle?

Dad, if you have something
to say to me,

- you want to try saying it
yourself? - I have,

but you haven't listened.

I want your blessing
on this marriage.

W-Wait a minute now.
You're old enough.

You don't need my blessing,
so what is it?

Why are you so stubborn?

Why can't you accept Eva?

She's a wonderful woman.

And she's so like your mother.

No, she's nothing
like my mother.

You obviously
don't remember Mom.

You don't want to remember Mom;
you want to get married

and move on

- and forget she ever existed.
- Oh,

so that's what all this
is about.

David,

don't you know I think
of your mother every living day?

Don't you think that she'd
want me to be happy?

Oh...
(mutters)

- Um, look, look, may-maybe
I should go now. - (sighing): No.

No.

No, maybe I should.

- How'd it go?
- Oh, he's impossible.

But... I don't care anymore.

He is not gonna ruin
our happiness.

We are gonna get married, Eva,

and we're gonna get married
right here in this center.

Well, maybe we could fix it up
a little. Uh...

throw something over Sam.

You do, you lose
the whole look of the room.

- I just wish it could be
more like family. - (chuckles)

Look, Joseph, Eva, I think
my family would be honored

if you'd consider having
the wedding at our house.

Thank you.

- Oh, Steven, thank you
very much. - You're welcome.

(indistinct chatter)

Andrew, aren't weddings lovely?

I don't know.

Joseph and Eva are the first one
in my crowd to get married.

Oh, Joseph, perfect timing.

Oh, you got to be kidding.
I got here an hour ago.

I've been walking
round and round the block.

I'm a nervous wreck.
Also, I've got cold feet.

Cold feet? You aren't having
second thoughts, are you?

No, my circulation's
not too good.

(sighs) I-I just took
a peek at the bride.

Eva is wearing her grandmother's
wedding dress...

she looks so lovely.

STEVEN:
Oh, Joseph,

- good to see you.
- Oh, thank you.

So, my father tells me you're
something of a cardplayer.

What?
Well, I'm nothing special.

You play?

Wha... Me? No. No.

- I'd like to learn, though.
- Yeah, me, too.

Uh, Black Mariah,
lowball with a split?

One-eyed jacks,
kings with the a*?

(knocking)

Hey there.

I, uh... I didn't think
you'd come.

Well, uh, up until a few minutes
ago, neither did I.

If you've come here
to try to stop me, don't.

Uh, no. No, Dad.

Listen, I-I th... I thought

a lot about what you said.

Dad, you were right.

Mom would want you to be happy,
and-and I do, too.

And I think that Eva
is a wonderful woman.

So congratulations.

Thank you, David.

This means more to me
than you will ever know.

Well, listen, if, uh...
if you can possibly forgive me,

I'd love to be your best man.

There's no better best man
in this room. (chuckles)

Yes.

Mom? The bride's ready.

Oh, um...

Joseph, uh, Eva is ready.
We can, we can start now.

We can start now, all right?

(Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"
playing)

MALLORY (quietly):
Oh,

uh, there's one thing
I have to ask you

before you go down there.

Did anyone talk to you
about the wedding night?

My mother told me years ago.

I still think I remember
some of the basics.

- Okay. - (Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus" playing)

(music ends)

Friends, we are gathered here
to witness

a very special union,
a union that lends credence

to the immeasurable power
of love.

Joseph Simmons and Eva Martin
will be married here today.

And now Joseph and Eva
would like to express

in their own words
their feelings at this moment.

Eva,

at a time when most men
are only thinking

of the life that is behind them,
your love and friendship

have given me a gift
beyond compare:

A future.

Joseph, before I met you,

there were seconds,
minutes, hours,

but they were only ticks
of a clock.

Now each moment is
a precious jewel to be cherished

because it'll be shared
with you.

MAN:
And so, by the power

vested in me
by the state of Ohio,

I pronounce you
husband and wife.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my pleasure to present

for the very first time,
Mr. And Mrs. Joseph Simmons.

(applause)

Steven, I'm so glad
we had the wedding here.

The house just feels
full of love.

You ever seen
a more beautiful bride?

Only once, Elyse.



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)