07x19 - They Can't Take That Away From Me, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



Oh, morning, Jen.
How about some breakfast?

What's the point of breakfast?

Or any meal, or anything,
for that matter?

I mean, after all,
life is basically a series

of-of random, absurd,
unrelated events

not linked in any
logical pattern,

existing in a complete void
that mocks our attempts

to impose order
and meaning upon it.

In that case,
can I have your bagel?

When did all this occur to you?

Ever since
my advanced literature class

started its unit
on existentialism.

What's existentialism?

(chuckles)
He's so young.

Andy, an existentialist

is someone who likes to take
their clothes off in public.

Existentialism is a belief

that there is
no real grand design to life

and consequently,
no real meaning.

Still, that's no reason
for a person

to take their clothes off.

It's a shame you're
too depressed to eat, honey.

Got some wonderful
corn muffins here.

Delicious, yummy, yummy muffins.

Somebody's favorite.

(sighs)
Mom, they do look good,

but-but "while others live
to eat,

I eat to live."

Socrates.

"Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day."

Cap'n Crunch.

(knocking)

- Hey.
- Hi.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- STEVEN: Hi, Lauren.
- ELYSE: Hey, Lauren.

JENNIFER:
Hi.

Hey, cut it out!
We're trying to eat here!

I'm sorry, Andy.

It's just that Alex and I

aren't gonna see each other
for a few weeks.

I'm going to a psychology
conference in Detroit.

Oh, well, why don't you
take him along as an exhibit?

Lauren, I know how you feel.

I mean, the only way
you could keep me

away from Nick
for a couple of weeks

would be to lock me in my room.

Forget it, Steven.

Hey, Alex, just because Lauren's
gonna be away for a while

doesn't mean
you're gonna be spending

more time at home, does it?

I-I got plenty to do.

I start teaching today.

Freshman seminar on campus.

Basic applied
economic principles

of capitalism
in the postindustrial era.

Boy, let's hope they have
festival seating for that one.

You know, actually, uh,
teaching this class

is gonna fulfill all

of my requirements
for my degree.

Then it's on to graduation.

Boy, how time does fly.

Next year at this time,
Mallory will be graduating.

Yeah, hopefully.

What was that?

Happily. Happily.

I'll be graduating happily.

Wait, graduation
at Grant College

should be
a pretty impressive ceremony.

Who's the guest speaker
gonna be?

Soupy Sales?

Very funny, Alex.

They have no plans
to invite him back.

Well, I guess
I'll see you guys later.

Take good care of Alex for me.

Sure you don't want
to take him with you?

It's tempting.

See this, Jen? See this?

How could life be absurd
when a woman like this

can't tear herself from my side?

You just proved my point.

Now, you may ask,

and, uh, rightfully so,
what is economics?

Well, let's go
to the dictionary.

The word "economics" derives
from the Greek oikonamus,

meaning a manager of estates'
or households' moneys.

Well, the word money itself
derives from the Greek moneta,

or the Latin moola.

(chuckles)

Well, let's go now
to our history books.

Excuse me, miss.

Me?

Uh, yeah, you.

Do you have any idea
what time it is?

Uh, well, I've got : .

I got : .

Oh, I think you're right.

Find a seat right there, please.

Now, as I was saying,
if you go to the history books,

you'll see that money
was not always used

as a method of transaction.

(opera music playing)

- Excuse me.
- (music stops)

Uh, sorry.

- That was me.
- Ah.

Actually, it wasn't me.

It was, uh, Wolfgang Hensel

singing Die Zauberflöte.

Well, miss,
just-just do me a favor

and just keep it down.

Okay.

I'm really sorry.

Now, as I was saying,
in ancient times,

the barter system was in place

and livestock were often used

instead of money
as a means of exchange.

Now, eventually,
the practice was dropped.

For one thing, barter is an
imprecise method of transaction.

For another thing, it's hard
to fit a goat in your wallet.

(chuckles)

Yeah, okay, settle down, people.

But seriously, folks,
barter was, uh...

it was a terrible system.

Uh, now, in the fourth century,
the coinage of...

- (sobbing)
- (Alex groans)

Oh, boy. All right. Okay.

That's okay.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, really.

Thank you.

(loudly blowing nose)

All right, okay, everybody.

That's, uh...
that's enough for today.

I'm gonna let you go early
so you can, uh,

read the first four chapters
of your textbook,

If You're Rich and You Know It,
Clap Your Hands.

All right.

Thank you very much.

I-I'm really sorry
for interrupting the class.

I-I really enjoyed your lecture.

Yeah, I could tell.

I thought your joke
was funny, too.

No kidding? You know,
I-I got a million of them.

Um, you ever hear the one, uh,
about the quarter

that asked the dollar bill
out for a date?

It was... the quar...
the-the dollar bill says,

"Wait a minute, you know,
this isn't gonna work.

"Uh, it won't be
an equal relationship.

For one thing,
I'm four times bigger than you."

And-and then the quarter says...
(laughs)

I'm sorry.

Then the quarter says,

"That's okay.

I'll bring three friends."

(sobbing)

Wait, maybe I didn't
tell it right.

No, it's not you. It's not.

It's just...
although that's a horrible joke.

Yeah, my girlfriend
doesn't like it, either.

Neither does my mom.

Or my sisters.

I don't know, maybe it's...

you know, it's just not
a girl's joke.

Although my dad hates it, too.

It's just a really bad joke.

Look, look, I've got to go.

Oh, here.
You all right?

(sighs)
Look...

I'm really sorry.

Um, just,
I-I've been having a...

really bad week here.

Um, Saturday I broke up
with my boyfriend,

and yesterday I...
someone stole my bicycle,

and today all my cat's hair
fell out.

Excuse me?

Her name is Fluffy.

I'll have to change it now.

Uh, listen, um, miss...

Miss Marty.

Uh, Brody. Marty.

Marty Brody is my...

Look, I've taken up enough
of your time

just trying to say my name.

(sighs)
Thank you for being...

Thank you for...

You know, you're so
considerate and, uh...

Next time, I-I promise,
no... no interruptions.

Just, uh, one more interruption.

Are you... are you available
for tutoring?

Uh, tutoring?

Well, I-I don't know, miss.

Uh, I've got, you know,
my own classes to contend with,

and I got, you know,
lectures to prepare.

I'll pay you bucks an hour.

Wednesday work for you?

Wednesday is fine.

Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wednesday's my...

Wednesday's
my orchestra rehearsal.

What about...
what about Thursday?

Uh, Thursday?
Thursday is my seminar

on foreclosing on the elderly.

Orchestra... what, are you...
you're a music major?

Oh, see, that's what I wanted
to... to talk to you about.

You see, with...
with all my rehearsals

and lessons and theory classes,

I-I'm just not gonna have
much time for economics.

Which... well, even if
I had time for it,

I don't...
I don't like it very much,

but then who does, you know?

Right. You do.

Anyway, um, how's tomorrow?

Tomorrow?
Tomorrow actually is good.

Oh, great.

Oh, great, oh...

Oh, I-I've got to run.

It's : .

I... Oh.

What just happened?

(piano playing)

(knocking)

(knocking continues)

(knocking "Shave and a Haircut")

Coming.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So, you, uh...
you ready for your tutoring?

Come on in.

Thanks.

I guess we should get to work.

Um, follow me.

All right, um...

(chuckles)

Uh, okay.

Here we go.

(groaning)

Miss Brody!

I'm scared!

Uh, just take a left
at the sustain pedal.

Listen, I want to thank you
for being so sensitive

in-in class yesterday.

Oh, it's all right.
It's, uh...

it's a teacher's job
to be sensitive.

So how's Fluffy?

Oh, not so good.

It looks like she fell
into a tub of Nair.

I think she's in
for a slow mating season.

Well, we all know that feeling.

(shuddering)

Is there something wrong?

I mean, Fluffy didn't lose
any more hair, did she?

Oh, no, no, no,
she's-she's right there.

Aah!

You should put a hat
on that thing.

I'm a little nervous
about this tutoring stuff.

- Why?
- I don't know.

I-I'm just not very good
with formal academic study.

I-I... Sometimes I just
don't feel comfortable

unless I'm sitting at a piano.

You are sitting at a piano.

You're right.

I wish I could play.

Have you ever tried?

Me? No, forget about it.

No, I am the most
unmusical person in the world.

Oh, well, no, here,
I-I can teach you.

Really, really, sit.

Just name a song
you want to learn.

This is not gonna work.

No, no, it'll be great.
Come on, come on.

Do you know
the Bush campaign jingle?

No. But...
well, let-let's try this.

(playing simple melody)

Gershwin?
Ger... I love Gershwin!

Great. Now you try it.

(plays melody)

(plays off-key note)

It was perfect.

Tr-Try again.

(Alex plays melody)

(Marty plays accompaniment)

(Marty plays complex rhythm
as Alex plays simple melody)

(Marty plays rapid notes,
Alex stops playing)

I'm good at this!

Never had a lesson.

(Alex resumes playing melody)

MARTY (laughing):
Yes!

(plays flourish)

Yes! (chuckles)

Yes, you did it. You did it.

Yeah, we've got our act
together.

We should take it on the road.

Uh, Miss Brody... Marty...

you play beautifully.

Well, uh, w-we should
get to work, Alex.

- Uh...
- Yeah, uh, yeah.

We should, uh... we should...
we should get to work.

Uh, just go slow
till I get the hang of it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, don't worry.

You know,
you're gonna love this.

You're gonna love this.

Uh, now, if we turn to page one
of our textbook,

we'll see that economics
relies on the principles

of production and...
distribution.

(plays melody)

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I'll see you guys later.

Oh, where are you going, Jen?

Uh, I'm going down
to the bookstore

to get some more material
for my existentialism class.

Listen, Jen, while you're there,

pick me up a copy
of Tummy Tuck Tips.

It's by Cher.

Uh, Jen, Jen, don't you think
you're going a little overboard

with this, uh,
existentialism stuff?

I just want to find out
the meaning of life.

Well, did you ever think
of asking your parents?

Okay.

What's the meaning of life?

Elyse?

Why do you do this to me?

Because you're there. I...

What are you
so threatened by, Dad?

Is it because, deep down,
you're worried

that there's no real meaning
to life?

That it's all just a tale told
by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing?

And that when we die, we're...

we're condemned
to spend eternity

in a vast, infinite expanse
of nonexistence,

confronting what Camus called

"the benign indifference
of the universe"?

♪ Gray skies
are gonna clear up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face ♪

♪ Dust off those clouds
and cheer up... ♪

Dad, that is a ridiculous
and inane rebuttal

that only proves my point

about the meaninglessness
of the universe!

Jen, cheer up or you're grounded
for the rest of your life.

♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪

♪ Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow ♪

♪ There'll be sun ♪

♪ But it'll be shining on
an empty meaningless world. ♪

♪ Kids, what's the matter
with kids today? ♪

(Alex sighs heavily)

Something wrong, Alex?

Oh, no.

I'm fine.

(Alex sighs heavily)

All right, Alex, what is it?

What? What do you mean?

Come on, Alex, any time
you want to speak to me

about something that's hard
for you to talk about,

you sit and sigh
until I drag it out of you.

No, I do not.

(both sigh)

All right, Alex, come on.

All right, okay.

This is very difficult for me
to talk about.

Don't worry.
I'll help you along.

- I'm confused.
- About Marty.

Because...

Although it's the last thing
in the world you wanted,

you find yourself attracted
to her.

And...

You started to develop
certain feelings for her

that, uh, you can't control.

But...

You have a deep, meaningful
relationship with Lauren.

Which...

You wouldn't want
to harm in any way.

So you're confused,
tense and worried.

Thank you, Mal.

You're a good listener.

Alex, it's easy to tell
that you've liked Marty

for the past week.

You've spent every minute
with her.

Oh, Mal, that was... business.

I mean, I've been
tutoring the girl.

Oh, come on, Alex,
if anyone tutored me that much,

I'd make the dean's list.

Mal, nobody could tutor
anybody that much.

This is stupid!
I mean, this is ridiculous.

Lauren and I have been
seeing each other

for a year and a half.

We love each other very much.

I mean, Marty,
Marty's a terrific girl,

and I'm sure, if I wasn't
seeing somebody else,

you know, we might possibly
be good for each other.

But... but-but I am.

So, uh... so that is that.

You sure?

Absolutely.
I'm telling you, you know,

this emotional stuff
is overrated.

A little rational,
logical thought

and everything is resolved.

Well, I'm glad
you sorted that out.

(sighs)

Okay, don't forget,
Thursday, we start our unit

on squeezing relatives
out of the family business.

Hey, uh... hey, you.

Hey.

You know, um, uh,
Cleo Laine is giving a concert

at the Newing Auditorium.

Hey, no kidding?

No.

Who's Cleo Laine?

Uh, well, she's one

of the greatest, uh,
jazz singers in the world.

I-I saw her... I saw her
do Porgy and Bess on Broadway.

It gave me...
it gave me the chills.

Really?
I-I saw Porgy and Bess.

It was performed
by the Leland Heights PTA.

Thelma Feinstein as Bess.

Gave me the hives.

Well, I'm sure Mr. Feinstein
enjoyed it.

Oh, absolutely.
Well, he was Porgy.

Here, here, here,
listen to this.

(over tape player):
♪ Embrace me ♪

♪ My sweet embraceable you ♪

She's giving
a performance tonight,

and-and I've got two tickets.

♪ Embrace me ♪

Do you want to go?

Actually, uh, Lauren's
coming back tonight, so...

♪ My irreplaceable you... ♪

(music stops)

Oh.

Well, that's-that's...
that's fine.

Uh, listen, Marty,
we got to talk about this.

No, no, no, that's okay.

Um, I'm just gonna... I'm gonna
go have my legs waxed. See you.

Look, we-we can't keep
avoiding it!

Look, let's just forget
this whole thing, okay?

I-I can't believe any of this.

How do you think I feel?

I don't know how you feel.

I guess that's the problem,
isn't it?

Look, it's not my fault
that we've developed

an attraction to each other.

Oh, we've developed
an attraction to each other?

My God!

My God, you are so conceited!

What-what...
what makes you think

that I'm...
that I'm attracted to you?

What, what, because we spend
a few days together? Big deal.

And don't forget, I've been
paying for you all along, right?

You're a... you're a kept man.

Well, I never.

I mean, is that all
I've been to you... just a guy?

You know, good for a few laughs

and a few nights
of cheap tutoring?

(door shuts)

Well, they weren't
all that cheap.

Weren't all that cheap, huh?

All right, why don't I give you
your money back, all right?

Let me see.
Seven lessons at-at $ a sh*t.

- That's $ .
- Thank you.

Minus expenses.

What expenses?

What expen?

How about that pizza
I bought Wednesday night?

And-and... and my gas money
going to and from your dorm?

And-and who bought
that damn toupee for Fluffy?

And this.

What is this?

Open it.

(soft melody plays)

(music stops)

Alex, Alex, that's...

It's beautiful.

Yeah, it was on sale.

I don't know what to say.

I have this incredible urge
to kiss you.

Should I?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, I've got a class soon,
and it's already : .

(tape player button clicks)

(over tape player):
♪ My sweet ♪

♪ Embraceable... ♪

♪ You... ♪



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)