07x21 - Rain Forests Keep Falling on My Head

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



Gabardine.

That's uncanny.

Incredible.

Um, here, let me try. Let me...

(sniffs)

Poplin.

How does she do it?

Whoa.

Let me try.

(screams)

It's polyester!

Hey, hey, is everybody okay?

It sounds like someone's
being tortured in here.

I was;
they made me touch polyester.

It was disgusting.

Hey, that's my favorite tie.

What's in the box, Alex?

Something for you, buddy.

What is it?

Well, I-I'm not gonna tell you;
you got to guess.

But I'll give you
a few clues, okay?

Let me see.

It's alive,
it repeats what it's told,

and it spends most of its time
behind bars.

That's not fair, Alex.

That could be anyone
in the Reagan administration.

No, it is a...

parakeet!

- Oh!
- Oh, this is great!

Wow.

Wow, I've never had
a parakeet before!

Now, the guy at the pet store
said it can be trained to, uh,

to climb stairs, to ring a bell,

to play dead, and it can speak
over different words.

That's more than you.

When he can coordinate
separates, Alex, you call me.

- Here you go.
- I want to go upstairs

and show him my room.

- Okay, be careful.
- All right, you do that.

- Hi.
- Hello. - Hey!

You're home, uh, kind of late
from school, aren't you?

Yeah, I stayed after
to go over some things

with my Natural Science teacher,
Mrs. McGreevy.

We've got this terrific new unit
we're studying.

"Global ecology:
Nowhere to run, nowhere hide."

- (chuckles)
- Sounds fascinating.

Oh, it really is.

It's all about how
the earth's ecological systems

are being upset
by man's stupid interference.

See, look, we even have

this map on the, on the world's
most endangered areas.

Whoa, wait a minute,
wait a minute, let me see that.

All right, I'm safe.

What's for dinner?

No, you're not safe, Alex.

You see, the world
is one big, living organism,

and everyone in it is in danger.

You see, we're destroying
the rain forests in Brazil,

the wildlife in Madagascar,

and-and the ozone layer
over the South Pole.

Do you know what that means?

Of course I do.

It means those are bad places
to invest in time-share condos.

It's too bad, too,

'cause the South Pole
was a real comer.

No, it means that money grubbers

are destroying the world
for profit.

That's our girl who said that.

Hey, I happen to like
money grubbers.

That's our boy said that.

Come on, face it, Jen.

There's just a price
to be paid for progress.

But how high a price, Alex?

I mean, the climate is changing.

You know, we're headed for
one long, hot, endless summer.

What will I do
with all my dark colors?

God, Elyse, this is, this is
just like the old days.

Remember when we celebrated
the first Earth Day?

How could I ever forget?

As you may know, your father
and I played crucial roles

in saving the wombat.

There isn't a wombat alive today
that'll forget us.

♪ Save the wombat, Lord ♪

♪ Kumbaya ♪

♪ Save the wombat, Lord... ♪

(chirps)

I'm sorry,
but all these have to go.

I'm sorry, too.

What-what are they?

Things I found around the house

that are harmful
to the environment.

I mean, if we're gonna
save the planet,

then we're gonna have to become

much more ecologically aware
around here.

Oh, I didn't realize we had
so much of this stuff.

It's so easy
to become complacent.

But Jen's right, it's got to go.

Especially this.

Jennifer,
that's my hair conditioner!

Mallory, it has formaldehyde.

It gets into our water supply

and, along with a bunch
of other contaminants,

kills our fish

and-and will destroy
the entire aquatic ecosystem.

What good is an ecosystem
if I have split ends?

Mallory, you can use
another brand.

Hope your ecosystems are happy.

STEVEN:
Now, come on.

Let's-let's face it, g*ng.

Even though some of these things
make our lives easier,

I'm sure we can do without them.

Yeah, we just have to find
some safe alternatives.

Now, who's gonna help me make
the tofu tacos?

Wait, Mom, you aren't gonna
use the stove, are you?

Well, sure.

Maybe.

No. Why not?

Well, Mom, gas stoves
give off carbon monoxide

and nitrogen dioxide gases.

I mean, those are both
major pollutants.

Well, we don't have
to pollute to eat.

Tofu tacos are
just as good cold.

I-I'd eat them any way
you serve them, dear.

Fortunately,
I have a ham sandwich left over

from last night's takeout.

Dad, I can't believe
you did that.

All right,
I'll eat the cold tofu.

No, you accepted that container

and supported the production
of polystyrene foam.

I didn't mean it, I swear.

Do you know what happens
when that container breaks down?

It gives off chemicals that have
caused a hole in the ozone layer

the size of the continental
United States.

You're absolutely right.

Elyse, how many times
have I told you

this damn polystyrene foam
is a hazard?

Let's get rid of this stuff!

Let's get it out of here
right now!

Well, Dad, you just can't
throw it away.

(chuckles):
Well, uh... I can't.

Of course not.

What was I thinking?

We'll put it on the lawn
and make an example of it.

No, you just can't put it
in the trash

because it's not biodegradable.

I mean, eventually,

it'll poison our neighborhood
soil and groundwater.

All right, all right.

You leave me no choice.

I'll build an atom smasher.

Oh, forget it.

M-Maybe there's no answer.

Well, in that case,

I'll just be using
my hair conditioner.

(sighs)

I'd like to talk to you about
the Brazilian rain forests.

As you may have read,

(sighs) we're burning
down the rain forests

and-and k*lling whole species
in the process.

And not just the big animals
that get all the publicity,

like-like tigers and monkeys,

but little guys like you,
who shouldn't be brushed aside

just so someone can build
another polluted, ugly highway.

I mean, I really hate that.

And I know you do, too.

PARAKEET:
Hello.

Dickey wants a cr*cker.

I'm sorry, but they use
fossil fuels for baking them.

Oh, Jen, you'll never guess
what we found.

An incredible store
that sells nothing

but nonpolluting, nontoxic,
nonhazardous products.

Sounds great, Dad.

Mallory even found something

in the vegetable
cosmetic department.

Yeah, I got eggplant eyeliner,
lentil lip gloss

and rutabaga rouge.

I think I'm gonna
put them on right now.

And then maybe I'll eat them.
(chuckles)

Oh, wait, wait,
there's something in there

- I want to show Jen.
- Oh, no, Mom,

it's probably the beet blush.

I'll just...
I'll show that to you later.

No, no, no, it's the, uh, um...

Oh, wait.

Where did this come from?

All right.

I ran across the street
to Pollutants "R" Us, okay?

Nice try.

Fine!

You want my hair au naturel?

I'll just go stick my head
in the crisper!

How was your day, honey?

All right, I guess.

I just watched some TV.

Well, what about
your tree-planting rally

to remedy the greenhouse effect?

Wasn't that today?

Yeah. I called it off though.

Why? I thought that was
a terrific idea.

(sighs)

I started to think that
these problems are just too big.

I mean, every day,
more and more forests

are being destroyed,

more ultraviolet rays
are getting through,

and the Earth is just
getting hotter and hotter.

I know, I watched
The Weather Channel all day,

and the temperature
just kept going up and up.

You know, Jennifer,

look, we understand
what you're going through.

It's easy to get depressed
when you see what's happening

to the world,
but we just want you to know

you should feel free to talk
to us about any of this.

We're on your side.

Thanks, Dad, but there's nothing
to talk about.

I mean,
talking doesn't solve anything.

Look, you know, m-maybe we've
all been focusing too much

on this
environmental thing, huh?

Let's just get it off our minds
for a while and relax.

That's a good idea.

Why don't we watch some TV.

- I'll make some popcorn.
- Yeah.

Maybe there'll be a game on.

Oh, there is!
Uh, Yanks and the Indians.

What do you say, Jen?
Come on.

Okay, any-anything
but The Weather Channel.

It's depressing.

You got it. Come on, let's see
what we got here, honey.

MAN (over TV):
And now for today's news update.

All right, this game
should be on any minute.

WOMAN (over TV):
Good evening.

Rescue and cleanup efforts
continue tonight

in Prince William Sound

in an attempt
to contain the damage

caused by the massive oil spill
from a supertanker.

God, I can't watch this.

Unfortunately, some experts

predict that the effects
of the spill

may now be irreversible,

as numbers of oil-soaked birds,
otters and fish wash ashore.

Turn it off.

I can't watch this.

I think Jennifer is getting
entirely out of hand

with all this
ecological business.

Yeah, I got to admit,

I do miss
Mallory's old hair conditioner.

All right, listen,

Jennifer's gone
completely over the edge.

And I'm surprised,

because I thought
if anyone in this family

was gonna flip out,
would've been Alex.

Oh, that hurts.

Especially coming from somebody

who looks like
they've just been electrocuted.

DICKEY:
Shut up, Alex.

That's the, that's
the third time he's done that.

And yesterday,

he called George Bush
a bird-brain.

I wonder how
Southern fried parakeet tastes.

You know, I really am...

really am worried
about Jennifer.

When I try to talk to her,
all she gives me are statistics.

More statistics she gives,

the more depressed
she seems to get.

I'm worried, too.

She makes me wear sunscreen
when I go outside.

At night.

Yeah, she won't come
downstairs anymore

'cause she's worried
about the radon gas buildup

on the first floor.

I mean, she won't even think
about going into the basement.

How would we know if
there's radon in the basement?

Well, I'm sure
we could find out, Andy.

But if we were coal miners,

I suppose we'd take
a canary down with us

because, uh, the gas would
affect the canary first.

- Alex!
- Alex!

What?

I... I was just gonna take
Dickey for a walkie.

I-I hope we're not
overreacting here.

Jennifer's always been
a very sensitive girl,

and it's easy to get emotional
about the environment.

Oh, I don't know.

I'm sure it'll pass.

See?

It's good to see you, Jen.

That is you, isn't it?

Jen, I don't think that mask
goes with those pajamas. Mm-mm.

It's one degree hotter today
than it was in .

Jen, shouldn't you be dressed?

You're supposed to be
in school in half an hour.

I don't really feel like
going today, Mom.

Um, say, Alex, would you mind,
uh, doing Andy's carpool

and dropping Mallory off
at school, too?

I'm not, uh,
ready to leave just yet.

Sure, Dad. Come on.

- Come on, buddy.
- ANDY: Okay.

- Come on, Mal, we'll fit you...
- Yeah, have a good day.

- Attaboy, buddy.
...fit you in the car somehow

and just stick your head
through the sunroof.

- Good day, you guys.
- Thanks, Dad.

Uh, Jennifer, your mom and I

would like to talk
to you a minute.

Sure.

Um... we're a little worried

about, uh, the way
you're dealing with

this, uh, ecology issue.

You mean how I'm dealing
with the end of the world.

Yes.

You're not handling it well.

(sighs)

Who could?

I mean... (sighs)

It really makes everything we do

seem really stupid
and pointless.

I mean, why go to school?

Why have a career?

Or why raise a family?

It's all gonna be over
in a few years anyway.

I mean, it's all hopeless.

Honey, it-it's not hopeless.

Well, you just don't seem
to really be able to

open up to us very much.

Maybe you should talk
to someone else.

Maybe-maybe the school
counselor, you know?

I'm sure he's dealt
with this before.

Dealt with what?

No, these problems
are not in my head.

They're real.

I-I have written documents.

Now-now, if you guys
want to ignore

all the horrible things
that are going on in this world,

then you need to see
the school counselor, not me.

Look, we're not...

ignoring the facts,
we're not denying the problems.

But our most important problem
is your health.

And this is taking too much
of a toll on you.

It's got to stop.

I really think you should see
the counselor.

All right, fine.

I-I'll go see him.

But he's gonna find out that
I'm a normal -year-old student

with realistic concerns.

Yeah, and if his radon level
is over . , I'm out of there.

So this portion of
the Eastern seaboard

has been completely devastated
by acid rain.

Not to mention
the environmental catastrophe

that European forests
have suffered

from lack of
industrial controls.

Jennifer, I'm sure
that that's all true,

and we all realize
that the environment

is a, is a big issue.

But I'd like to digress
just for a moment, if we could?

Let's talk about
your social life.

You like boys?

Yeah.

Especially boys who don't
burn fossil fuels.

Pardon me?

Well, drive.

Cars burn fossil fuels.

I like boys who don't drive,
because they don't pollute.

(chuckles)

See, car emissions are leaving

a layer of carbon dioxide
above the Earth

that'll eventually trap the heat
and cook us.

Okay, so you like boys.

What about, uh, sports?

Music?

Mr. Hilgenburg, I don't see

what this has to do
with anything.

I am concerned about what is
happening to our environment,

and I think I have reason to be.

What I'm trying to get at,
Jennifer,

is that what you're saying
may be true,

but you seem to be
obsessed by it.

No, I'm not obsessed.

Look, it's perfectly normal
at your age.

The same thing happens
to students when they're exposed

to violently graphic
safe driving films

or explicit information about
the effects of nuclear w*r.

They tend to dwell on it.

The important thing
for you to remember

is that your fears
are more debilitating

than the actual problem.

You know, it may be
with a car accident

or a nuclear w*r,
because that might never happen.

But right this minute,
we are surrounded by

a zillion different
life-threatening influences.

Like what?

Okay, well, let's take
a look at your office.

Okay.

I've already mentioned
the radon level.

How about microwaves?

From where?

Well, from your
computer terminal.

It looks innocent enough,

but studies show
that waves similar to

the waves given off
by video display terminals

can alter fetal development
in animals.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, but come on.

I mean, how many animals
use computers, right?

Did I mention the
electromagnetic waves it emits?

I mean, it's been shown

that the government's acceptable
exposure limits are exceeded

by merely touching the screen
or sides of the terminal.

You know, I never really learned
how to use this thing anyway.

Or how about
the air conditioner?

It's spewing
ozone-destroying Freon gas

into the atmosphere as we speak.

Why don't we shut
this thing off.

I haven't even covered
the contaminants

in our drinking water.

Causing these big,
horrible tumors in our fish.

Or how about
the ultraviolet rays

that are pouring through
this window right now?

Okay!

Stop!

What's wrong?

I can't take this.

You're depressing me.

Well, I am sorry,
Mr. Hilgenburg.

I didn't mean to.

Well, you did.

I mean, I-I was having
a perfectly nice day,

and then you come
into my office,

and you tell me that everything
around me is hazardous.

And I believe you.

I was just giving you the facts.

The facts are bleak,

they're terrifying,
they're horrible.

Let's face it, it's over.

You're some counselor.

I'm new.

(sighs)
Well, look,

I wouldn't exactly say
that it's over.

Oh, no? Well, if it's not,
prove it to me.

What can we do
to possibly change anything?

(whale song playing)

(knocking on door)

Come in.

Stephen, listen.

The whales.

It's our song.

(sighs)

My God, you're right.

That's...
"Humpbacks by Moonlight."

We haven't heard that in years.

Must have been hard
to slow-dance to.

Try humming it.

(whale song stops)

Mr. Hilgenburg called.

He's feeling better, but, uh...

...he's thinking of moving
to New Zealand.

Gosh, I didn't mean
to upset him like that.

He looked terrible.

He-he was pale and tense.

(sighs)

I made the school counselor
go see the school nurse.

Well, look on the bright side.

Some good did come out of it:
You made him aware.

Oh, you've-you've rekindled
our commitment.

Things have changed
for the better around here.

With the exception
of your mother's

reckless use of the gas stove.

But you guys weren't there.

I mean, you didn't see
the look on his face

when he asked me,
"What can we do?"

And I didn't have
an answer for him.

There-there is
no easy answer, honey.

Oh, when we first
became interested

in saving the Earth, well,

we didn't know anything
about the ozone problem,

and the rain forests
seemed relatively safe.

But the stuff
that we did know about...

um, air and water pollution
and-and saving the whales...

well, no one else seemed
to really care about it.

It was all just the beginning,

and everyone thought
it was made up

by-by hippies and crackpots.

But the problems are
so much worse now.

That's why they need
more commitment.

You can't allow yourself
to get overwhelmed.

You are so bright,
you're so aware.

We can't afford to lose you
in the struggle.

I just don't know if I could
really make a difference.

What about the effect you had
on Mr. Hilgenburg?

I made him move to an island
with sheep.

Well, that probably
would've happened anyway.

Look, you can make a difference.

But you don't have to
do it by yourself.

There are organizations
you can join.

Um, maybe you want to become
a member of, uh, Sierra Club

or Greenpeace.

Hey, look, someday you may
head up Greenpeace.

Oh, I'd like that.

That way, I know
my grandchildren's world

is in safe hands.

Hi, Jen.

Listen, we tested the basement,
and there's no radon.

So you can come downstairs now.

Also, you'll be happy to know
I found a conditioner

that's ecologically safe

and provides
the luster and sheen

that my hair's
grown accustomed to.

There is hope.

(chuckles)

I taught Dickey
how to say something.

Dickey, say it.

Come on, Dickey, say it, Dickey.

DICKEY:
Save the planet. Please.

Thank you, Andy.

I'll do my best.

Well, ready for
our weekly recycling run?

Other families go on picnics;
we go to the dump.

It's not a dump, Alex,
it's a recycling center.

Yeah, it's like
a-a shopping mall for garbage.

Ooh, exciting.

Why do we recycle everything?

Why don't we just throw it away?

Well, let's see.

When we recycle something,

that means we can use things
over and over again.

The Earth has limited resources,

and if we don't recycle them,
we use them up.

For example, Andy,
look at these newspapers.

You have any idea
where they came from?

From the newsstand?

No, from trees.

And did you know
if we simply recycled

a Sunday run of
The New York Times,

we would save , trees?

Yeah, lots of things in
the house can be recycled, Andy.

Aluminum cans.

Yeah, glass bottles.

And there's another reason
for recycling, Andy.

The city's landfills
are overflowing.

We-we could burn the trash,

but that costs too much and
gives off too much toxic smoke.

So the only alternative is
to recycle our own garbage,

and put an end to toxic
and environmental pollution.

And, uh, sometimes they give you
money for the stuff.

So recycling will always be
a part of this family's life.

Yeah. And every once in a while,

- we can go on a picnic, too.
- You got it!

- Let's go.
- Go.

That's mine, buddy.

- Come on, babe.
- Come on, darling.



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)