09x05 - Sweet Charity

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

[Laughing]

Anybody want toast?

Well, normally I
would, but what is that?

9-Grain sprouted whole wheat

With apple pectin chips.

It's loaded with fiber.

So are roofing shingles,

But I don't want them
for breakfast either.

[Telephone rings]

Andrew: I'll get it.
It must be debbie.

Andrew, just because
she's already called

Four times this morning,

Doesn't mean it's debbie. Hello?

Debbie. Oh, well,
what a surprise.

Uh, I'll take it upstairs.

He'll be right with you.

Listen, debbie?

Please don't... Don't
take this the wrong way,

But in my day, a young lady

Did not call a gentleman
in whom she was interested.

Yes, we had
telephones back then.

Yes, andy. I'll... I'll
get off the phone.

Amazing. The girl
is 14 years old,

And already calling boys.

What's she gonna
be like at our age?

Married.

Hi, guys.

Together: hey.

Jo, I'm making
another pot of tea.

Are you joining us?

Uh, no. I've gotta
drive into white plains.

I'm not sure what the
traffic will be like.

All right. Another
job interview.

Good luck.

Hope this turns out
to be the right one.

It better be. The only
job she hasn't applied for

Is a paper route.

Look, I'll know when
I find it, all right?

I'll see you guys later.

Blair: wait a minute, jo.

Look at you. You
got all dressed up,

And... And you raked your hair.

Now, if you get on your bike

And ride to that interview,

Your... Your clothes
will be wrinkled,

Your hair will be flat,

And you'll have
bugs in your teeth.

Why, blair, how thoughtful.

Are you offering me
the use of your car?

[Laughs] you can't
even pronounce my car,

Let alone drive it.

I'm suggesting you take a cab.

Well, jo, I know you can
pronounce the word "junk,"

So you can borrow my car.

Oh, thanks, nat. You're welcome.

Don't thank her
until you get back.

Alive.

Ok, so the steering's
a little hard,

And the brakes
are a little soft.

You have to pump on the
gas when you downshift.

Aside from that,
it's a cream puff.

Nat? If it has
wheels, I can drive it.

Miserable hunk of junk.

Welcome to the hudson
valley community center.

What do you need? Food? Clothes?

A bed for the night?

A telephone. My car broke down.

Over by the wall.

Oh, great.

Oh, can you change a buck?

I... I think so.

Let's see here.
Here's, uh, 50, 55, 65, 66...

Really, that's ok. Thanks a lot.

I gotta call someone.
I'm late for a meeting.

Thanks. Perfect.

Hey... Hey, don't give me that.

Number one, I'm a taxpayer.

Number 2, I'm a
licensed social worker,

And number 3, I have a temper

That is gonna jump
through this phone

And twist your nose off.

Now... Now, don't put me
on... Don't put me on hold!

She put me on hold.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, todd. Quit goofing
off and sweep, huh?

Uh, are you gonna be
on hold for a long time?

I don't know. I'm not the
one who put me there.

Stupid question. It's just, see,

My car broke down,
and I gotta call a guy...

Yes. No. No... No, I don't
want to talk to sanderson.

Just gonna be running
a little late, and...

No, because
sanderson is an idiot.

Now, I want to
talk to the mayor,

And I don't care how busy...

She put me on hold again.

Here's just a thought.

Hang up. Call back later.

Who are you?

No, please. I have
to make a call.

It's very important.

Hey, I got 36 people here to
feed and house and clothe.

Somehow, I think that's
a little more important

Than you making lunch
reservations at chez yuppie, ok?

Look, pal. For your information,

I'm trying to call
a guy I gotta meet...

Hello? Sanderson.
Yes, it's casey.

No... No... No, I never
called you an idiot.

No. Well, not exactly.
What I meant was...

He hung up.

Aw, too bad. Excuse me.

Just a second. I'm not done yet.

Could have fooled
me. Phone's on the hook.

Yeah, well, sanderson's
gonna think it right over

And call me back.

He always does.
That's why he's an idiot.

Has anyone ever told you

How annoying and
obnoxious you are?

Just about everybody.

You know, I'm gonna report this.

Who's in charge here?

Figures.

[Telephone rings]

Well, it took you
long enough, you idiot.

How the... Hello, mr. Mayor.

Hi. How did it go?

I didn't get the job.
That's how it went.

What happened?

Well, thanks to this jerk,

I couldn't use the phone,

So I had to run a mile
and a half to the bus stop.

Only in that neighborhood,
buses are too scared to stop.

Then, this couple
gives me a ride

In the back of their pickup,

Only I had to get out.

Their dog kept licking my face.

That's the most action
you've had in a month.

When I finally got there,
the personnel director

Had already given the
job to somebody else.

To top it off, I broke
my heel walking home.

What walking? You had a car.

My car. Where is it?

Oh, it's fine. It broke down

In front of that jerk's place.

I'll just get my tools.

Blair will give me
a ride down there,

And I'll have it
running in no time.

A team of heart surgeons

Couldn't get that clunk running.

Tootie, my car does
enough knocking.

It doesn't need your help.

This is awful. You can't imagine

What I found in
andy's bureau drawer.

Uh-oh.

Not that.

Not... Not that, either.

What are the chances of
you actually telling us?

I found this note.

I... I was folding
andy's underwear,

And there it was.

And you read it?

Well, I just thought it might be

Some homework he'd forgotten.

On pink stationery,
marked "sealed with a kiss."

All right, but I was curious.

Listen to this.
"Dear andy-cakes..."

Ooh!

"You know how I feel about you,

"And now, it's time to show you.

"My parents won't
be home friday night.

Make some excuse
to get out, and we'll..."

Well. You... You...
You get the picture.

This girl heats up
almost as fast as my car.

What am I gonna do with him?

Well, there are
a lot of very fine

m*llitary schools in the area.

You know what?

I'll forbid him to leave
this house friday night.

Well, then you'd
have to tell him

That you read his private note.

Which you found in
his private drawer.

While folding his
private underwear.

I'm trapped.

Come on, blair. It's
only a little grease.

You can't expect to fix a car

And not get smudged.

It's your fault, jo.

If you hadn't made
me handle that...

That... That doo-hickey,
while you jiggle the...

The... The whatchamacallit,

What is this place?

It's a community shelter

Where people come and
get help when they need it.

Think of it as a country
club for the poor.

Excuse me, but could you tell me

Where the ladies' room is?

Same place as the men's room.

How cozy.

Um, wait a minute.
You can't use it yet

'Cause I haven't
had time to clean it.

Don't worry. I don't plan
on touching anything.

Look, she won't tell casey

I didn't cleaned the
bathroom yet, will she?

I mean, I would have
cleaned it already,

But now he's got
me washing his car.

He has you washing his car, too?

What's this guy's problem?

He's just mean. I mean,
you saw him this morning,

And he was in a good mood then.

Hey, todd. I want
that car washed,

I want it washed today,
so get going, huh?

See what I mean?

You know, maybe this
is none of my business,

But why don't you quit
being so rough on that kid?

You know something?
You're right.

This is none of your business.

Just where do you get off

Ordering him around like that?

The kid is here because he
needs someone who cares,

Not somebody who
wants his car washed.

I don't suppose it matters

That it was todd
who got the car dirty

When he and his friends

Were having a dirt clod fight.

Uh, well, he
didn't tell me that.

Uh-huh, and I don't
suppose he told you

That it's the third
time that it's happened.

No, no. Didn't tell
me that, either.

Well then, it's safe to assume

That there's a lot
that you don't know.

Jo, we must get out of here.

The soap was moving.

I guess a tour of the kitchen

Is out of the question, right?

Don't tell me. The jerk.

Right. Look, I have a little
unfinished business here.

You go on home.

Bless you, jo.

Aw.

All right, look.

I'm sorry for jumping
to conclusions that way.

I'm all choked up.

You know, you could
be a little nicer to me.

You cost me a job this morning,

When you wouldn't let me
use the phone, remember?

Ok, that wasn't one
of my better moments.

I'm sorry.

I'm all choked up.

Hey, yo. Jaws.

You still job hunting?

Why? Planning to tie
up the phone again?

Well, hang on a second.

If you need a job, you're hired.

I could use somebody to spread

A little sunshine
around this place.

But you'll do.

Well, thank you, but it's
not really what I had in mind.

You wanted something
a little more upscale.

3-Hour lunches. No real work.

That's not true.

All right. It's ok. I see
people like you all the time.

No commitment to anything.

Afraid to get involved.

No concern for other people.

Don't want to get
your little hands dirty.

Well, it shows you
how much you know.

When do I start?

Now. Be back in half an hour.

Casey, old man simpson
tipped over the dumpster.

Yeah. Talk to her.

And the girls are throwing
water balloons out the window.

Hey, wait a minute. What
am I supposed to do here?

Just try not to get
handcuffed to the radiator.

Morning.

Here you go.

What is that?

Plain, old-fashioned
white bread.

Loaded with fats,
chemicals, and preservatives.

In other words, delicious.

Andy has got to be off
of the phone by now.

He's still talking to debbie.

I can't believe andy's
attracted to that girl

Just because she
offers him unlimited...

Favors.

Blair, get a grip.

Oh, I wish I'd never
found that note.

Good morning.

Hi.

My, you're in a cheery
mood this morning.

Get up on the wrong
side of the bed?

It's friday, this is real bread,

I've got a great job,

Can anybody lend me 10 bucks?

Call me crazy,

But I always thought
having a great job

Included a paycheck.

Well, I'm getting paid
at the end of the day,

But I need some money

To take todd to the
museum this afternoon.

Tootie?

Sorry, jo. Since
andy's hit puberty,

I'm gonna need all of
my money for pay phones.

I don't have any cash.

The bank sends it directly
to my auto mechanic.

Well, how about it, blair?

Oh, poor but proud jo.

When are you going to wise up?

Four years of college, so
you can work with someone

Even more disagreeable than you?

I happen to be helping people.

Oh, but then again, what
would you know about that?

It just so happens
that last month alone,

I attended five major
charity functions,

And I never wore
the same dress twice.

How does mother
teresa sleep at night

Knowing she won the
nobel prize instead of you?

Blair, writing a check is the
easiest cop-out in the world.

The simple fact remains
without people like me,

People like you can't
help people like them.

Here's $10.

Thank you. You're so gracious.

See you later. Bye.

Oh, beverly ann, I was just
on the phone with jeremy,

And I was wondering...

I thought you were
talking to debbie.

I was, miss cia, but
then I called jeremy.

They're so charming at this age.

Anyway, I was wondering

If I could stay at
his house tonight.

Well, come on.
It's friday night.

There's no school tomorrow.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you ask
jeremy to come over here?

Well, he always comes over here.

Why don't I ask his
mom if it's ok with her?

No, no, no. It's fine with her.

He would have
asked me otherwise.

Andy, you wouldn't by any chance

Be planning to see
debbie tonight, would you?

By any chance?

What makes you think that?

Well, she's a very
cute young lady,

She obviously likes you,

She calls you andy-cakes.

[Laughs]

Or something like that.

You read my note.

Andy, I didn't mean to. I...

How could you look
through my stuff?

I wasn't trying to spy on you,

I found the note, and...
And I was worried about you.

Just because debbie
wrote me a note,

Doesn't mean I was
going over to her house.

You just don't trust me.

From now on, I don't
trust you, either.

Hey, jackie. How's
it going? All right?

Never better, jo.

Oh. Did I tell you that I own
all of downtown peekskill?

Really? Last I heard,

It was all of
downtown manhattan.

I sold it. Taxes
were k*lling me.

Well, I'll be going out
for the whole weekend.

I'm going to roam around

And check out
some of my property.

Well, I'll tell you what.

If by any chance
you get mistaken

For a trespasser again,

You just give me
a call at home, ok?

Ooh.

Hey, jo. It's not a good idea

To give them your home number.

Why not?

You put in long hours here.

The weekends belong to you.

So, I can do anything I
want with them, right?

You got all the
answers, don't you?

Well, all but one.

When do I get my paycheck?

You know, I was afraid that
you couldn't hack it here,

But you did ok.

In fact, better than that.

You really seem
to enjoy this work.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, you worked
hard. Go home and relax.

Have a nice weekend.

Thanks.

Hey, wait a minute.

What about my check?

Uh, yeah. Right. I'm
sorry. I can't pay you.

You have to be kidding.

Hey, I can't even
pay the phone bill.

It's hand to mouth around here.

Usually I can hustle somebody
into writing us a check,

Or, uh, somebody dies
and remembers us in a will,

But this just
wasn't a lucky week.

Why didn't you tell me
the shelter was broke?

Well, I find I can't attract
quality personnel that way.

Look, I needed this
job. I've got bills.

I'm into a loan shark
for 10 bucks as it is.

Well, try having to come
up with three months' rent...

$1,500 By monday...
Or lose the place.

I don't believe you.

If I had to come up with
1,500 bucks by monday,

And I knew all these
people were depending on me,

And I had just
stiffed an employee,

I'd be doing a lot more
than just sitting around

On my non-existent assets.

Well, go ahead. Go on home.

Get yourself a nice, cushy job.

Pretty soon, you'll forget

That you ever did anything
that really mattered.

Come on, todd.
Let's get out of here.

You mean, you're still
taking me to the museum?

Of course I am.

When I make a
promise, I'm good for it.

Andy.

Andy?

Beverly ann is very upset.

Good. She should be.

She's a snoop, and
a busybody, and a...

A mother?

Don't remind me.

Listen, you little twerp.

You should consider
yourself very lucky

That you've got
somebody like beverly ann

That cares about you.

I guess she got
to you, too, huh?

Nobody got to me.

Andy, you can't
blame beverly ann

For being suspicious.

That note almost set
off the smoke alarm.

You read it, too?

What did she do, hold
a press conference?

I have two words for you.

Grow up.

Hi, andy.

Hi.

I came to tell you
that it's all right.

You can go to jeremy's.

I can?

I should have trusted you,

But I'm still new
at being a mother,

And sometimes,
i... I make mistakes.

I'm really sorry
for doubting you.

It's ok.

Well, get your jacket
and run along to jeremy's.

I can't do this.

No, um...

See, the truth is...

Jeremy's away visiting
his grandparents

For the weekend.

I see.

Where exactly were you going?

To debbie's.

Andy...

Come here.

I want you to take a
good look out there.

That is the outside world.

And this is the last time

You will ever be seeing it.

Would it help if
I said I'm sorry?

No. You are grounded
for the rest of your life.

In fact, that's not good enough.

Your children are grounded.

That's not fair.

Ok, I admit I lied to you,

But you read something
of mine without asking.

All right. We both made
mistakes, so we're even.

Now, let me explain to you

Uh, how even works around here.

I am in charge.

And I am in trouble.

You got it.

Beverly ann, can't you remember

When you were 14 years old?

Yes, I can.

Andy, I think it's time

You and I had a little talk

About the birds and the bees,

And the debbies.

Oh, good. You're home.

Do you have my $10?

Don't you even care
what kind of day I had?

Not really.

Do you have my $10?

No, I didn't get paid today.

Oh. Don't worry about it.

You can pay me 11 on monday.

I'm not getting
paid monday, either.

The shelter is broke.

The whole place
is gonna shut down.

Unless they get a whole
lot of money real fast.

Are you suggesting
that I give them money?

Why not?

It's only 1,500 bucks.

Well, that's your hair
spray budget for a week.

Yes, but as you so aptly
pointed out this morning,

It would be a cop-out for
me just to write a check.

Unless, of course, you're
willing to eat those words.

Never mind.

Ok, it's forgotten.

Now, here's an
interesting article.

It's about the thousands
of dollars worth

Of college scholarships
that go unused

Because qualified people

Just don't apply for it.

Why do they have
to apply for it?

Why don't the
people with the money

Just give it to them?

How are they supposed
to know who needs it?

I don't know. I've never been

One of the people
with the money.

Well, I'm going upstairs.

Anything I can get you?

Anything at all?

No, no. Not that I can think of.

Ok.

I need a pencil and
a piece of paper.

Beverly ann's explaining
the, uh, miracle of life to me.

She's at that part where
she'd rather draw it than say it.

This is ridiculous.

Blair?

Yes?

Look, if this was just for me,

I wouldn't do it,

But it's for a lot of
people who really need it.

So, will you please donate
1,500 bucks to the shelter

So we don't have to close down?

At least, this month?

[Sighs]

Of course.

This check is
already filled out.

I did it upstairs.

Thank you.

I know. I'm so gracious.

Hi.

So, found another job yet?

Uh, no. Not yet.

That's why I'm here. Look...

Forget it. Apology accepted.

Apology? You are amazing.

Please. I embarrass easily.

Here's a check for $1,500.

Hey, great. We can fix the tv,

Maybe get some new pool cues.

What about the rent?
What about my salary?

Here you go.

Some big foundation made
us a very generous donation.

Paid off our entire
mortgage and then some.

Well, that's great. I'm
really happy for you.

Happy enough to come
back on the payroll

Now that we actually have one?

Sure... And apology accepted.

So, who is this santa claus?

Ho ho ho!

Blair?

Casey, I really think we
can lighten this place up

With some window treatments.

I see mini blinds, don't you?

I don't know, jo.

Do you see mini blinds?

I see someone who has
a lot of explaining to do.

Now, jo. I don't want you
to get the wrong impression.

I simply thought
it over and realized

That buying commercial
property in depressed areas

Is a sound
investment. That's all.

So, it was just a
good business deal.

Well, that, and...

How could I pass up the
chance to be your boss?

[♪♪♪]