09x19 - Till Marriage Do Us Part

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Facts of Life". Aired: August 24, 1979 - May 7, 1988.
Spin-off of Diff'rent Strokes; focuses on Edna as she becomes a housemother at the fictional Eastland School, an all-girls boarding school.
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09x19 - Till Marriage Do Us Part

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪


Huh! Boardwalk, that's my
property. I have four houses.

You owe me thousands of dollars.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, I'll get it.

That's all right, beverly
ann I'm expecting rick.

Knowing him, whoever answers
the door'll get a pie in the face.

Thank you, thank you. And
it's great to see all of you, too.

Whatever happened
to a simple hello?

My name is rick bonner.
This is my assistant,

The lovely and
talented, miss wanda.

And this is the big board.

So tell me, what time is it?

Time to put rick in a home.

No, no, no.

It's time to play everybody's
favorite game show,

what's my question?

My question is, jo, why
do you date this nut case?

Because he's fun,
because he's sexy,

And because if jo polniaczek
correctly guesses

The hidden question
on this board

She will win a fabulous trip

To the vacation
spot of her choice.

Are you ready to play our game?

As ready as I'm gonna be.

Ok. As you can see,

Jo's hidden question
contains four words.

gone with the wind!

Folks you don't guess
blindly. I'll give you clues.

Now, word number
one. Four letters.

Something you read
when someone dies.


Four letters?

Nah, she's right, natalie.

How about "will"?

Nope, that's three letters.

Or four! Must be new spelling.

Ok, so the first word is will.

Anybody wants to take a s*ab

At the whole question?

Will you hurry up?

Sorry, that's not it.

Ok, clue number
two. Second word.

A h*m* for a
word meaning sheep.


Means sheep to you?

Well, this local
farmer back in appleton

Had a sheep named lulubelle...

Ok, ok, we'd love to
hear the entire story,

But unfortunately
we're short on time.

So I'll tell you that
the second word is... You.

Natalie, that with the fourth
word is the opposite of you...


Her favorite word.

Ok. Let's see what we've got.

Jo, the second question
is, will you, blank, me?

Ho, I got it. Will you marry me?

Ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding. That's it! That's it!

That's right! Now the
second question is,

Will you marry me?



Are you serious about this?


So this not the kind of
question I wanna answer

In front of a crowd.

Excuse us.

Nice meeting all of you.

I hope you see my new film,

vixens from venus.


Guess what!

Did she say yes?

She said maybe!

That's almost as
good as a yes, right?

I've gotta get out of here.

I've got so much to do. I've got
to plan for a proper wedding.

Hey, wait a minute. I
haven't said yes! Hey!

I don't believe this!

Neither do i.

Jo actually got proposed to.

Hey, jo, do I have
to only wear a

Monkey suit to your wedding?

Tell him he has to
and if he doesn't

You'll break his
weak little leg.

Ah, and I haven't decided yet.

[Doorbell rings]

And until I do I
would appreciate

Not hearing anything else

About marriage or weddings.

Hey, hey, there's the
future mrs. Bonner.

I haven't said yes.

Ho, sorry. Rick made it
sound like it was all set.

Rick has the way of doing that.

Oh. Uh, blair ready yet?

Blair warner ready
for date on time?

Oh, sorry. Must've lost my head.

Come on, pippa.

We'll go tell her
majesty that you're here.

Listen jo, if it's a matter
of getting time off

For your honey moon,

I can cover up for
you down at the center.

[Doorbell rings]

The only thing I
need time off from

Is people bugging me
about getting married.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Ho, come in!

Hey, case. Hey, howa you doin'?

Listen, since I don't have
any really close friends.

I was wondering if you
would be my best man?

Since you put it on in such a

Deeply, personal basis, sure.

I haven't said yes.

It's just a matter of time.

Hello, all.

Sorry to keep
you waiting, casey.

Ho, hey! It's okay,

As long as you come down
the same night I show up,

I consider it a victory.

See you all later. Bye.

Look, jo, I love you, madly.

And I'm pretty sure you
feel the same way about me.

So why won't you just say yes?

Because I want to
be sure about this.

You know, if I say
yes on an impulse

And then think
about it and decide

It's not the right thing,

You're gonna to get hurt.

And I don't want to hurt
somebody that I really love.

Fair enough. I won't
pressure you for a decision.

Thank you.

But just hypothetically,

Is it alright if I
tell the caterer

Banana splits for dessert?

Banana splits for a wedding?

Is that a yes?

C'mon, let's go.

We're not gonna have to go
through all this about sex,

Are we?

Oh, come on.

Okay, you guys,
I need your help.

Now, I was saving these
bridal magazines for myself,

But I think that
we should use them

To pick out a
wedding gift for jo.

Tootie, don't you think
we should hold off

Buying a wedding gift
until jo makes up her mind?

Ok, then forget jo.

Let's look for me.

Hi. Hi.

How was dinner?


Yeah, it was great.

Ho, well, we'll just
head on upstairs.

Beverly ann, didn't you just
say you've got to go upstairs

And now work on the thing?

What thing?

You know, the thing.

Oh, the thing! Oh!

I have to go upstairs
and work on the thing.

You know, I really
liked that movie tonight.

Aren't you going to sit down?

Oh, ho! Yeah, yeah.
I'll sit down. Sure.

You know, you've been acting
really nervous all night.

Is everything ok?

Yeah, yeah,
everything's fine. Yeah.

It's just that, you know,
all this wedding stuff

Between jo and rick

Has got me thinking a lot

About relationships
and, uh, commitments

And, uh, and us.


Blair, I've been trying to find

A clever way to ask
you this all night.

But I just can't
seem to find it.

I get guess I'm not
that clever, you know.

Casey, I love you.

I'm sure however you ask me

Will be just fine.

All right. Then I'll just...
Just come right out with it.

Uh, blair, will
you... Wait a minute!

I've been waiting my
whole life for this moment.

I expect you to be
down on bended knee.

Excuse me?

Go on. On your knee.

I can't tell you how
much I appreciate

You making this easy for me.

Blair, I know we seem
like an unlikely match,

But what I've been trying
to ask you all night is,

Why don't we live together?

Well, marriage is a big step.

Did you say live together?

Did you say marriage?

Why else would I've made
you get down on your knee?

Hey, after that day you made
me eat popcorn with a fork,

I stopped questioning
these things.

Look, blair, I love you,

But I don't believe in marriage.

I mean, my folks are divorced.

Your folks are divorced.

Yeah. And there
are lot of people

Who manage to stay
together forever.

And I want us to stay
together forever.

I just don't think we need
a piece of paper to do that.

That's fine for you,

But what about the children?

Children? What children?


I can't imagine life
without children.

Just think of
the... The sheer joy

Of little casey
taking his first step

And the nanny
telling us all about it.

Look, blair, why don't we

Not talk about this now, okay.

This is just a disagreement.

I'm sure we'll find some
sort of middle ground here.

You're right.

What is the middle ground

Between marriage
and living together?

[Knock on window]

Hey, open up! Come on!

Whoa, rick was right.

You are a looker.

Rick, I told you.

I need some time
to think about this.

Ho, rick would never try
to press for a decision.

That's why he sent
me to give you this.

[Laughs] ho! C'mon,
that scratches.

Ho! You see? Rick's a much
better kisser than that.

What else do you
need great marriage?

Uhh... Except for maybe, uh...


Ho, I can't believe
I'm waiting for a sock

To whisper
something into my ear.

I'll take it from
here. Thank you.

Rick, either climb
in or climb down.

But please get off the ladder.

You're making me nervous.

Okay. I'll go in a second.

I just wanted to show you this.

It's the photo album,
given to us by our children

On our th wedding anniversary.

You know, talking to the sock

Is starting to look
sane by comparison.

I just wanted to show
you what a great life

We're gonna have together.

Here's the ceremony
in langley chapel.

Here's our first dance together

As a married couple.

Aw, look at this.

That's you in the delivery room

Holding little ricky.

Oh, how nice. A boy.

Ho, it's a girl,
actually, erica.

But we call her little ricky.

And here she is graduating

From harvard medical school.

Ho, very impressive.

And how did we
manage to afford that?

Well, if I'm going
to get married,

And take on responsibilities,

Then I'm gonna
get a regular job.

So I'll go back on
the concert circuit.

And if that's not enough,

I'll get a night job.

Whatever it takes

To do what's best for
our kids, and for you.

You mean that, don't you?

Marry me, jo.

You know I joke
around a lot, but...

Deep down there's a serious guy

Who'd do anything
to be married you.

Well, I think that anybody
who would work two jobs

To send our daughter
to medical school

Is serious enough for me.

Are you saying what
I think you're saying?




Hi, jo.

She said yes!

All right! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Rick, are you ok?

Rick: I'm fine.

Luckily the sidewalk
broke my fall.

I got to go call the caterer.

So you're getting married.



Uh, listen, you know,
I'm not real good at this

Sentimental stuff, but, uh...

I'd like it if you'd
be my maid of honor.

Maid of honor.

I realize it's a step
down from queen,

But, you know...

Since casey's gonna
be the best man,

I figure you two should
be up there together.

Who knows what it could lead to?

You never know.

Well, this is all that's left.

I don't mind rick having
his bachelor party here,

But what couldn't
they have eaten first?

Well, they would have but

Tootie wouldn't let jeff go
to the restaurant rick liked.

I'm not going to let my
fiance go to some restaurant

Called raw from japan.

What's wrong with sushi?

Nothing. Unfortunately,
raw from japan

Refers to the nude waitresses.

Ahh... Now this is
the life, huh, guys?

[All, glumly] yeah.

Enjoy it now because
starting tomorrow

You'll be stuck with
the old ball and chain.

Whoa andy, that ball and
chain happens to be my daughter.

And a lovely ball
and chain she is.

C'mon andy, getting married
isn't like going to prison.

Aww... At least if
you go to prison,

You can still play
cards with your friends.

Don't listen to him, andy.

Natalie and me ever get married,

I promise I'm still gonna
have my regular poker games

In my place, every monday.

Hey, do you reckon
marriage changes people?

No. If snake and I
were to tie the knot,

We'd stay the same.

Except for having
those disgusting,

Smoke-filled poker games.
Those would have to go.

What about watching
sports on tv?

Can you do that
if you are married?

Well, you can't generalize
about these things.

All women are different.

God knows tootie's different.

Well, what about you?

Could you watch sports
when you were married?

It wasn't that I couldn't.

But, rose wasn't much of a fan,

So we compromised.


We watched soap operas.

How many years were
you and jo's mom married?

Eight long ones.


Is anybody else getting
kinda warm in here?

No. Jeff and me don't think
that marriage will change us.

It means we have to be
open to a little give and take.

Tootie's right.

That's what worked
for frank and me

In the early, happy
years of our marriage.

But then, as time
went on, it seems

The more I gave,
the more he took,

Until all that was left of me

Was a skeletal, gaunt
fragment of my former self.

Well, here's to
jo, the bride-to-be.

Excuse me. I'm...
Gonna get a little air.

How am I glad to see you!

Oh... I know. Me, too.

Are freaking you out
about the marriage, too?

Oh, no. Actually they
were just... Uh, well, yeah.

So last time I'll ever
have a bachelor party.

I certainly hope so.

Well... I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll be the guy in the suit

Saying, "I do, I do."

Honey, your slip is ironed,
and your shoes are here.

Thanks for all your help, mom.

You know jo, for years, I have
tried to imagine this moment...

Your wedding, with
you looking so...

Beautiful and... Me
feeling so proud.

I just don't know
what to say to you.

It's alright. You don't
have to say anything.

You be happy, baby.

I am, mom.

Well, I'd better go
check on the food.

Hey, mom.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Well, jo, this is
a big day for you.

Getting married,
brushing your hair,

Wearing a dress.

You know, you may
not believe this,

But I'm actually going
to miss living with you.

Oh, I believe it.

I'll miss living with you, too.

It's the end of an era.

Eight years together,
now it's over.

No. C'mon, nothing's over.

We'll seein' a lot
of each other.

Please, jo, don't ruin
this moment for me.

Hi. Sorry.

Hey. We got your
bouquet. It's in the fridge.

Oh, thanks. Sure.

This is so exciting.

Feeling romance is in the air.

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

It's me, rick.

Don't come in here!
What are you doing here?

What is he doing here? He's
not supposed to be here.

Don't you know
that it's bad luck

For the groom to see the bride

Before she walks down the aisle?

Rick: I have to come
in. I got to talk to jo.

It's important.

Can't you say whatever that
you have to say through the door?

Yeah. Ok. Fine. I guess I can.

Jo... I think we should
postpone the wedding.

Get away from that door.

No. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Uh... Rick, why don't you
just cover your eyes.

That way tootie won't
have a heart att*ck.

Fine. Let me in.

Okay. Okay.

We'll leave you two alone.

But no peeking.


Start explaining.

The american
philharmonic orchestra

Is going on a
european concert tour.

And they've offered me a job.

I want to take it.
But it means that

I've to leave at
a.m. In the morning.

And that's why you want
to postpone the wedding?

Well, yeah. But the job's
only gonna last a month,

But I can't get married
one day and leave the next.

Why not?

Because it wouldn't be right.

Says who?

You... I thought.

Well, I hate to tell you
this. But, you're wrong.

Ho, and please that
it doesn't happen again

During our marriage.

You'll still wanna
marry me today

If I have to leave tomorrow?

C'mon, it's only for a month.

I'll stay here and
when you get back,

We'll look for a place together.

Jo, you're the greatest.

How do you feel about
watching sports on tv?

I love it.

♪ Hello, my honey ♪

♪ Hello, my sweetheart ♪

♪ Hello, my aching head ♪

Hi, rose.

Hello, charlie.

You look terrific.

Well, thank you. So do you.


I know things weren't
always great with us,

But I just want to say

You did a nice job raising jo.


Well, you did your
part, too, charlie.


We did good, rosie.

We did good.

I love weddings.

Andy and I tied on the cans.

We put shaving cream
all over rick's vw.

Rick sold his vw.


Andy, are you looking forward

To your own wedding someday?

They'll never get me alive.

We should have our
wedding at this chapel?

I have been always thinking

That we'll have it in
someplace more unusual.

I mean, god knows I'm different.

Well... In another few minutes,

Jo and rick will be married.

Not to change the
subject or anything but,

Why don't you come
over to my place monday

And meet some of the
guys I play poker with.

[wedding march plays]

Next to the day you were born,

This is the happiest
moment of my life.

I just wanted to say,

If you have any
second thoughts at all,

My car's out back, and
the motor's running.

No second thoughts.

I love you.

We're gathered here today

To join these two
fine young people

In holy matrimony.

Now, jo and rick have chosen
to write their own ceremony,

So the words
you're about to hear

Are what's truly
in their hearts.

"Marriage is a wonderful thing."

The rings, please.

Now each put the ring
on the other's finger.

These rings are
unbroken circles,

Symbols of your
unending commitment

To each other.

And so I ask you,

Rick, do you take
jo to be your wife,

No matter what
life may bring you?

I do.

And jo, do you take
rick to be your husband,

No matter what
life may bring you?

And as I understand that
he's cutting out on you

First thing in the morning.

I do.

May the lord bless
and keep both of you.

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.


Well, I'm leaving
tomorrow for a month,

So we're out of here.

Blair, I realize that
we've got a problem

That there's no solution to,

But I just want you to know that

Us being together was
also a wonderful thing.

Come on. I drove you crazy.

I made you wear a tie.

I always corrected
your table manners.

Was always late.

Yeah, you drove
me crazy, all right,

But you're gonna make
someone a great wife.

Yes, I will.

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