08x19 - The Front Page

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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08x19 - The Front Page

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♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their dreams ♪

♪ They got different strokes,
it takes different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪

♪ So what, they have theirs ♪

♪ and you have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be
fine because it takes ♪

♪ Different strokes
to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does, it takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

- Hmm, stay there.

- Hey Arnold, there you are.

I want you to read my article,

the school paper published it.

- Oh Dudley I've
already read that.

- Well read it again, you
might not have captured

all of the nuance.

- Dudley there's not much nuance

in Cafeteria Changes
Meatloaf Formula.

- It's easy to be negative.

What's your article
going to be about?

- The football team.

- Oh real original.

- Look I want to break
down the barriers

between the jocks and the nerds.

I'm gonna call it, Football
Players are People Too,

what do you think?

- I wouldn't know, none of
them have ever spoken to me.

- Get out of my way.

- Wow.

Your article is working
already so you later Arnold.

- Hey guys, how's it going?

What's happening?

Hey?

Where's it shaking?

I bet you're all wondering
what I'm doing here?

- Yeah.

- Now b*at it.

- Thank you glad you asked.

I'm Arnold Jackson of
the Buchanan Beacon,

perhaps you've heard of me?

Well no matter,

I just want to do a
story on you guys.

I want to show everybody

that you're just
like everyone else.

That you put your pants
on one leg at a time.

- That's not how I do it.

- He's a very special.

- Look how I put my pants
on is my own business,

now b*at it.

- Okay okay, I just thought

that a little
favorable publicity.

Like that picture I
took of you catching

that touchdown pass
against Jefferson.

- That was you I landed
on in the end zone?

- I might have
looked a little different

with your knee in my face.

- Hey, you're alright.

- Thank you, that's
what I've been trying too,

oops, excuse me,

that's what I been
trying to tell these guys.

I assure the the article
will be very complimentary.

After it's published
you guys will be a hit

with all the girls.

- We're already
hits with all the girls.

- I meant all the
girls in Jersey too.

Now let me get your names.

- Darryl Gleason, 5'10"
175, middle line backer.

Pisces, favorite color
blue, favorite food

the toys in cr*cker Jack boxes.

- That's great, thank you.

And you?

- Teddy Jeffries.

- Hey Daryl.

- Hey Art.

- hey guys, what's all
this standing around,

no good for the
cholesterol level.

- Hey Artie.

You got the,

okay kid, b*at it.

- But but I was.

- Now.

- But I.

Okay, I guess we can
continue some other time.

Sure sure, some other time.

Who is that?

Some dippy reporter
from the school paper.

- And there are some
things we don't need reported.

You know?

- Yeah, one thing my
business doesn't need

is publicity if you
know what I mean.

- Well we got the
money, let's divvy up.

- One slight problem,
I only have half.

- You trying to rip us off?

- Relax, I'll have the
rest for you on Friday

at three o'clock.

- Friday?

We train everyday.

Our deal wasn't for Friday.

Very good Clint,

I told you these
steroids worked.

- Let's see how it
works on your face.

- Easy Icebox.

Now we've been dealing
with Artie for a year

and he's not gonna stiff us.

- Not steady
customers like you guys.

- You can have my
share I got enough juice

to last me til Friday.

- Okay.

- Some article, huh, Mr
Drummond, what do you think?

- I think Arnold'll
be back any minute

and I'm sure that his opinion

is much more
invaluable than mine.

- I already know
it and it's not.

- Well I thought it
was very good Dudley.

- Do you think it'd get
me on the paper full time?

- Let me say that just
by reading the article

I was able to actually
smell the meatloaf right here

in my living room.

- Wow.

Hey, how did I handle the
debate over the classic brown meat

versus the high tech gray loaf?

- Dudley, I?

Sam.

You like meatloaf,
here read this.

- Oh sure Mr D.

- Hey you finished already?

- It didn't hold my interest.

- Hey guys, big news, I
just came from the library.

- Wow Arnold that is big news.

- No Sam that's
not the big news,

I'm about to expose a
big scandal at school.

I was in the locker
room and I saw

what looked like
a deal for steroids.

- What are they?

- Don't you know
what Steroids are?

- What are they Dudley?

- Um, you tell him Arnold.

- Well they're
synthetic hormones

that have some medical
uses, but athletes use them

to build bulk and add muscle.

- Boy I could use some of those.

- No way Sam, they're bad stuff.

Some medical reports
say that it could cause

some serious long
term side effects,

especially with
your heart and liver.

And I'm gonna blow
the lid off of this story.

- Arnold you can't
write an article

based on what you think you saw.

- That's why I'm gonna sneak
back in to the locker room

on Friday to get the proof.

- You'll get yourself k*lled.

This is the craziest
idea you've ever had.

- No it's not, but it's close.

- Thank you Sam.

Now I have a foolproof plan,
I'm gonna sneak back in there

and get all the evidence
on film and tape.

- That's a great idea Arnold.

And I've got just
the thing to help you.

- You're serious aren't you?

- Of course, this
could get me a Pulitzer.

And I already figured
out what you have to do.

- Me?

When did me get involved?

- Dudley you're my friend,

besides you know
too much already.

- No no, I don't honest,
you know my memory.

Why you call me Dudley?

- Dudley, the meatloaf
article got you noticed

this'll get you
noticed favorably.

- You mean I'll be like popular?

- Hey here it is guys.

My junior G-man spy kit.

It's got everything you need.

Swiss army Kn*fe,

fake mustache,

and don't forget my
micro mini camera.

Takes great pictures.

- Okay, the plan
is working perfectly.

- Yeah except when the
subway door closed on my pants.

- I liked it when that guys
sitting across from you

started praying to your knees.

Come on.

Now,

here's the plan.

I'm gonna get in this hamper
and get all the evidence

on this tape recorder
and this camera

and then you come back in
here and wheel me out of here

at 3:30 like you are
the laundry service.

Now, do you think
you can handle that?

- Sure, but what do I
do for the next hour?

- Have your pants deflated.

Open this thing.

- Boost?

- Yes.

Dudley!

I'm a k*ll you Dudley,
you clumsy lummox.

Ow!

Okay Dudley.

- Just another typical day
in the life of a laundry man.

Not yet.

Not yet.

- What?

The deal hasn't gone down yet.

- But what about our plan?

Don't worry, the
plan's still perfect,

just go back later.

- Hey you.

- Who, who me?

I bet you're wondering
while I'm talking to myself?

- I'm sure it's because
you have no friends.

Now what are you doing here?

- Well I came to take
out the dirty laundry.

- But we haven't
taken our showers yet?

- So there isn't
any dirty laundry.

- So b*at it,

because we want
you to have a nice day.

- Yes sir, it's nice already.

I saw a bird before.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oops, sorry.

I gotta go.

- I don't like this, we
need a more private place.

- Relax,

if anyone else gets in the way

we'll play a little
game of football.

Us against him.

- Hey what's taking
him so long anyway?

- Maybe he got
caught in traffic.

- Yeah well maybe he'll
get caught with my cleats

up his nose.

- Easy Darryl.

Look Artie's good, he gets
his juice from a real doctor.

- Hi guys sorry I'm late.

Doctor had an emergency.

- What happened, did
he lose his golf ball?

- Here they are.

Well the money's all here.

- Hey these are not the same
steroids we've been taking.

- Shh, yes they are.

They're just a different brand.

How do we know
this stuff is any good?

- You get the same ingredients
without the fancy packaging.

It's plain wrap.

Well I better get
back to the college.

If those lady sh*t
putters don't get their stuff,

they start thinking
I'm attractive.

- What is this doing here?

Somebody could
trip or stub their toe.

- I just hope this is
worth all the trouble.

- Are you kidding?

I was warming the bench
last season and now I'm all city.

That might have happened anyway,

you guys have been
working out like maniacs.

There's no way I
could gain 30 pounds

by just working out and
I couldn't have handled

this much iron last year.

- I guess I could use
some more strength.

Man that's what
coach says anyway.

I'm just worried
it could hurt you.

- The only thing that's
gonna hurt you is that monster

on the other team who has
been working out with steroids.

- My toe.

- Very funny.

Who moved this thing anyway?

- I don't know Ted, maybe
it walked over by itself.

- I'm very skeptical
of that theory.

- Skeptical of that theory?

That's good.

Oh hey guys what do you think?

Oh Clint you're so macho,

I want to take you to the prom.

Not on your life Ted.

- Hey cheerleading
practice starts soon,

let's get the ball
and throw it around

where they can see us.

- Excellent idea.

- I'll grab the bag.

- What's in this
thing a dumb bell?

- I guess you needed them
steroids more than you thought.

Ow!

- Hey what was that?

- I don't know, open it up.

- Hi guys, what's happening.

- That's funny, we were just
gonna ask you the same thing.

- Oh,

I was just getting some
ideas for my football story.

I was getting the
viewpoint of the equipment.

- Yeah, what's this for?

You gonna interview a helmet?

♪ If you want my body
and you think I'm sexy ♪

♪ come on sugar let me know ♪

- ♪ if you really want me,
just reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Come on baby let me know ♪

It's my demo tape.

- What are you demonstrating?

How much of a jerk you are?

- That's funny,
that's really funny.

I got to get that on tape.

Well the money's all here,

These are not the same steroids

we've been taking.

- Hey who ruined my demo tape?

- I guess I did.

- And I bet you take
really good picture too,

huh Arnold?

- I'm told I have
a lot of potential.

- Well if you want to
reach that potential,

and your next birthday,

you'll shut up about what
happened here today.

- Well there's not much I can
do without my evidence anyway.

- Yeah well just in case you
have any second thoughts,

here's a little something
to remember us by.

- Thanks.

I need a new one anyway.

- This is quite an impressive
piece of detective work.

But it was also very dangerous

and you should
have told me about it.

- I'm sorry Dad, I guess
I did get carried away,

but I did get the proof.

- You certainly did.

These pictures are incredible
and you took them all

with Sam's little camera.

- Yeah, the guy at the
one hour photo place,

loved them he wants
me to spy on his wife.

- You don't have
to do that Arnold,

from now on you can
be a super spy and travel

all over the world taking
pictures for the FBI,

CIA, and the SHA.

- The SHA?

- Super Heroes Anonymous.

It's a secret
organization I joined

with coupons from
my comic books.

We fight evil
wherever it strikes.

- I'm gonna need their help

because when I
publish these pictures,

evil is gonna strike
me upside the head.

- Well as a member of the
Superheroes Safety Committee,

I suggest you
don't publish them.

- Speaking as your father I
agree with the safety committee.

- OH I've got too,
people have got to know

what's going on
in their own school

and put a stop to it.

- That's true it's
got to be stopped,

but you are not
gonna get hurt Arnold.

We're gonna put this thing
in the hands of the authorities.

- Wait a minute dad,
oh no, that's okay,

even if I kept my
name out of this,

those guys would know who I am,

so I might as well publish
the pictures anyway

because that's what a real
photo journalist would do.

- Arnold you're making
this very difficult for me,

look,

I'm proud of what
you're doing, I don't want

to stand in your way.

But I've got to call the
Principal of the school

to make sure that you have
protection from those boys.

- Well okay Dad if you want to.

But I'm sure Robbie, Dudley
and Charlie'll stand behind me.

- I better make
that call right away.

We ought to k*ll that kid.

- Listen to this, the
school is launching

a complete investigation
into the matter

and any student found
guilty of using steroids,

will be suspended.

- Man if they get ahold of
our names we're dog meat.

- I can't believe
Jackson thought

he could get away with this.

- Hey guys, look what I found.

- Just in time too, we
need a new tackling dummy.

- Guys, guys, wait a minute.

Oh.

Understand I did this
for your own good.

- Yeah well we're doing
this for your own good.

- But didn't you
read my article?

What you're doing is illegal.

Not to mention
harmful to your health.

- No one knows that for sure,
you even said that yourself.

- But they're pretty sure
so why take the risk?

- Because if I don't
have a good season

then I won't get a
college scholarship.

And if I don't get a
scholarship there's no way

I can afford to go to school.

- And if I don't put on
some bulk, no major college

is gonna want me.

And if you don't go to a
major, it's almost impossible

to make the pros.

- I didn't realize that.

- Well you're
gonna realize this.

- Alright get it over with,
journalist beaten to a pulp

will be my next article.

But what you're gonna
do to me isn't half as bad

as what you do to yourselves.

I mean you're risking
your future for some glory

you think comes out of a bottle.

Well it doesn't.

It comes from hard work.

But I should have realized
you guys would be too dumb

to figure that out.

- Are you through?

- Yeah.

- Good, let's get him.

- Hey wait a minute.
- Hold it guys.

You can't do that.

- Sorry Zach it was rude
of us to start without you.

- That's not what I mean.

I mean I think we should
let the fool go for now.

- You do?

- You do?

- You do?

I mean of course you do.

- Look if we stomp him now,

they'll trace it right
back to us and we'd be in

more trouble than
we already are.

- They can't trace
anything back to us

if they can't find the body.

- My body's just about
impossible to lose.

Some people
have tried it already.

- Trust me, we lay
low for a little while and,

at least until the
investigation's over.

- You're right Zach
we should be careful.

But you never know when
you might be riding your bike

home from school, and
have a little accident.

I don't ride my bike.

- Yeah but you get the
message don't you Arnold?

- It couldn't be clearer if it
was tattooed on my face.

- That's an idea.

- Now come on guys,
let's get out of here.

- Take it easy Arnold.

- Hmm, chumps.

- Hey Arnold.

I just wanted to thank you.

- Thank me, I should
be thanking you,

you saved my life.

- No, you may have saved mine,

you know I read your article
and it kind of shook me up.

I figure if I can't make
it on my natural ability

well, it's not worth destroying
my body, you know?

- Well thank you,

that's really great, it'll
give me some consolation

when I accidentally
fall into a cement mixer.

- I wouldn't worry
to much about that.

You know the guys'll cool off

and I think I can convince them

that you're really
not worth picking on.

No offense.

- None taken.

What are you made of?

- Arnold, I hate
to interrupt you

but you're gonna have
to move your typewriter.

Pearl has to set the table.

- Oh I can't right now Dad,
I'm doing a follow up article

on my steroids story
and I've got a deadline.

- So do we,

dinner's at six.

- Well okay dad.

I'll go finish upstairs but
I'm gonna skip dinner.

- Hey how come Arnold
gets to skip for typing

and I don't get to ship dinner

when we're having
Brussels sprouts?

- Good point Sam,
Arnold you'll have dinner

with the rest of us and we
are having Brussels sprouts.

- But dad I'm right at the
point where they arrest Artie

and they're gonna
t*rture him to tell them

where the doctor is.

- t*rture Arnold?

- Okay, plea bargain.

- You know it's hard for
me to believe that a doctor

would really do that.

Anyway, I'm glad that
your article exposed him.

- So was the AMA.

- And so was the SHA.

Hey Arnold are
those football players

still gonna smash your face in?

- No, they cooled off a little,

the coach says if they
attend counseling sessions

and stay clean he'll let them
back on the team next year.

- Great, hey Arnold,
I'm gonna go hide,

we're on a Brussels
sprout alert.

- Well I must say,
you really have done

some four star reporting.

I am very proud of you.

- So I can skip dinner?

- Not that proud.

Supposing I get you
an electric typewriter

so that next time you'll
be finished before dinner?

- Deal.

- Deal.
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