03x04 - Big Time Double Date

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Big Time Rush". Aired November 2009 - July 2013.*
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A look at life for the members of a boy band who are trying to make it big in the music industry.
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03x04 - Big Time Double Date

Post by bunniefuu »

- Ah, another perfect day at the palmwoods.

- [Gasps] except for that.

- Parabolic microphone now!

[Laugh track]

what was that?

- Sounded awful.

- It's probably interference.

Just aim.

- Maybe you should date science, then!

[Audience gasping]

- shh.

- All I did was cite recent data that concluded

that overexposure with a partner or spouse

increases the incidents of break-ups.

- Mm-hmm. Small words.

- Please.

- I told camille we need

to limit our dates to two nights a week.

- Makes sense. - Genius.

- Dat-a good.

- I know, right? She's being dramatic.

I mean, what is she gonna do, date someone else?

Parabolic microphone now!

- So since I hate eating alone and you need the exposure,

how about dinner at paparazzi

tonight at :?

- What?

- It's a date!

- What?

- So I guess she is going to date someone else.

[Laugh track]

- quit, you.

- Just turn it down.

- Why does it keep doing that?

- ♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

- ♪ when you go big time

- ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪

♪ never quit and make it real ♪

- ♪ when you roll big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ listen to your heart now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ don't you feel the rush

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck

♪ with the life you choose

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

- dude, camille just agreed to go on a date--

- ah! La-la-la-la-la-la...

- He's taking this well.

- Uh-huh.

- Rehearsal is canceled today.

- How come?

- Because gustavo's doctor ordered him

to take a -hour break from the things

that stress him out the most.

- Oh, griffin?

Budgets?

Writer's block?

- You, you, him,

and logan!

[Beeping]

- ah! His watch is gonna blow!

- It's a blood pressure monitor,

and it goes off when he's stressed,

so stay away from me for the next hours!

- No rehearsal?

- That means I'm free to go out...

With a jennifer.

Later, boys.

- You know, he might have a sh*t this time.

- Until he burp asks her out

or gives her a gift, which will be a frog.

- I can't let that happen.

Friendship powers activate!

[Lightning strikes]

- hey.

- Hey.

- Hey?

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Ladies?

- Hey, girls.

You look amazing.

We should all go out and talk about our top ten hit--

oh, wait.

I'm busy tonight.

But carlos is free, red dress jennifer.

- [Scoffs]

um, sure.

- Great. He'll see you in the lobby at :.

- Huh?

- Look, I am perfectly capable of getting a date myself.

- Of course you are.

I'm just trying to play wing man for my best bud.

- Well, thank you, bud,

but I can handle it from here.

- I'll hang onto it.

- Give me my helmet, man.

- Let me have it.

- Give me my helmet!

- Sure.

- Hit me again.

Look, it's just time to face the facts.

Camille and I are just too different, okay?

I base decisions off logic,

and camille thinks my logic is stupid.

- Okay, but you know that there's no such thing

as the perfect girlfriend.

You have to take the good with the--

- boo!

- Well, then, mr. Logic, what are you gonna do?

Invent the perfect girlfriend?

- [Chuckles]

[harps cascading]

- greetings, logan,

you are smart and hot like me.

Let's go on a date.

- [Laughs]

it worked.

Is it too weird?

- Completely.

- But impressive.

- I know.

Go on sciencematch.date

and search for the perfect girlfriend.

One that's just like me.

Just not a robot.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Well, I'm gonna go search for lucy

because she was very rude to me in the lobby.

- Wait, what about the--

- I will never love again.

Get me chocolate.

[Elevator bell dings]

- oh, my god.

- Leave me alone.

- No way.

- If you don't, I'm gonna rip out your--

mom, dad, hi.

- Lucille.

- I missed my girl.

Oh, is this a friend from the conservatory?

- Yes.

This is kendall,

who studies classical music,

just like me.

[Chuckles]

- yep. That's me.

Her conservatory friend.

- Well, then you must give us a tour

of this off-campus residence that you all live in.

- No.

Mom, kendall has to study

for a test tomorrow, and--

- would love to give you a tour.

Let's start in the park.

- P for peachy.

[Laughter]

- hey, somebody's looking sharp.

- Uh-huh.

I've got a big date, so I got to dress big, right?

- [Chuckling] yeah, you do.

- Oh.

Ah.

- Oops, sorry.

- James!

- Epic juice box fail.

- Now I have to change.

[Grunts]

hmm?

- What are you up to?

- Oh, just saving carlos' date with red dress jennifer?

- Impossible.

She's too classy, and he's too carlos.

- Great.

Now I have to wear this stupid outfit.

- So, bud, where are you taking the future mrs. Garcia?

- Well, in my hands right here

I have directions and reservations

to the nearest sloppy cheese.

There's pizza, prizes,

and a whole lot of fun.

- Mm-hmm.

- Sweet.

We've got to change those reservations

and go on the date with carlos.

- Can I bring my new slingshot?

- Sure.

We might need it.

- According to her profile,

she has an iq of ,

likes math homework, crosswords, and toast.

- Great.

Why am I here?

- Because if she's a weirdo,

I need my mom to ground me.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Hi. Are you lindsay?

- Yeah, hi.

Sorry I'm late.

While on my bike, I met strong easterly headwinds,

probably due to--

both: a disturbance in the lower ionosphere.

- Logan mitchell, I am your mother.

You are grounded, mister.

- Okay, um...

Uh, what are you doing?

- Don't you notice anything weird about her?

Or familiar?

- Um, I think she's cute

and we have an awesome connection.

- Yeah, you have a big connection.

Good luck on your date.

- Not grounded.

[Chuckles]

- um, who is that?

- Ooh, camille, uh, I didn't even see you.

This is lindsay.

We're going on a date tonight.

- So are we.

At chez fance-ay.

It's gonna be a chez partay.

- Oh, well, maybe we should double date.

Recent data cites that double dating

eases first date jitters

and fosters social interaction.

- Well, I know logan loves data.

- And I know that camille loves dating.

- And I know I love people looking at me.

So let's meet here at :?

Both: it's a date!

- It's gonna be great.

- I love double dates.

- And as we conclude our tour,

please help yourself to some complimentary

palmwoods lemonade.

- How sweet.

- Thank you, kendall.

- You're very welcome.

- Get some for me.

[Chuckles]

what do you think you're doing?

- I'm learning a lot more about you.

Like, you play a violin

and you own a wig

and you lie to your parents.

- Look.

My parents are classical musicians.

They think I'm in l.a. In a violin scholarship.

And they would be very disappointed

and angry

if they found that I dyed my hair black and red

and was trying to be a rock guitar goddess.

- Okay, okay. I get it.

Is there anything I could do to help?

- Yeah.

b*at it.

'Cause I can tell they're gonna invite you to dinner.

[People laughing]

no one can b*at my mom's midwestern charm.

- Please.

Midwestern charm is no match

for l.a. Cool.

- Oh, it's like we're all going on a fun double date.

[Squeals]

- [chuckles]

- well, I don't know about you,

but I hope this place has crayons.

- So where are we going tonight?

- Well, let's just say that you

are gonna have the greatest date of your life.

- Friendship powers active.

- Isn't this stupid enough?

- Activate.

- Ah, messieurs rocque, welcome back.

- Table for one, jacques, in the corner,

where no one will bother me.

- [Speaks in french]

[all talking at once]

uh, right zis way.

- Yes. - Oh, here we go.

[All talking at once]

- okay, we got carlos here.

Now how do I get close enough to him

to keep him from ruining his date?

- Easy. You rock.

And I roll.

[Man grunts]

- this place is so nice.

I could have sworn that these directions to--

- welcome to chez france.

I think señor might enjoy reading

ze special here.

- Uh, okay.

"Why don't you order for us, jennifer?

And then let's talk about your feelings."

- [Scoffs] wow.

Guys never want to talk about my feelings.

And your two most expensive meals, please.

- [Speaking gibberish french]

- waiter, I'd like to order.

- Ah!

- Can I at least have more rolls?

[Grunting]

[stately string music playing]

- maybe if I ask nicely,

those musicians will let you two play violin onstage.

Oh.

- [Chortles]

actually, uh, I play guitar.

Yeah, you know, 'cause it spans all ranges of music,

from classical to jazz

to rock.

- Ugh.

Rock music?

- Do not get us started on that three-chord trash.

- I have to go to the restroom.

So does kendall.

- Ow.

What was that for?

I'm trying to help you.

- Why don't you just pull my wig off while you're at it?

Do you know what my parents did

when they found out my brother dyed his hair and played drums?

- They...

Accepted his artistic integrity

and hugged him?

Ow.

- They sent him to m*llitary school.

And the guys are here.

- Just logan and carlos.

And james, the mustachioed waiter.

- Hey, who's the-- [gasps]

- shh.

- Say one word, and you die.

- Oh, can I get more rolls?

- So does everybody know what they're having.

- Well, yeah, camille,

you should have the arrogant blowhard.

Oh, wait, you already do.

- Ooh, where's the arrogant blowhard?

I must have the lunch menu.

- Do you know what you want, logan?

Or do you need more data to order?

- Oh, here we go.

- Oh, we're going.

- Where is the arrogant blowhard?

- Are we still talking about food?

All: yes!

- So that's how I feel.

Now let's talk about your feelings.

- Or I could show you how I pop my shoulder out of its socket.

Check it out.

I just go like this.

[Groaning] and I just keep--

- a rose for ze lady, messieurs.

- You know what?

I'm not gonna pay $ for one rose.

No, thank you, messieurs.

- Oui, oui, yes, you do.

- No, I'm not.

- For ze lady.

- No, thank you.

- Oui, messieurs.

- I don't want it.

- Table three is complaining.

- Buy ze rose!

- Unbelievable.

- I mean, why would I pay $ for one rose?

- Because you bought me a whole bouquet.

Carlos, this is the most amazing date.

- Yes, it is.

You're welcome.

[Both speaking at once]

- messieurs, your waiter.

- Finally.

- May I take your order, messieurs?

- I would like the trout almondine

with asparagus.

- Trout almondine, table .

- Oh.

- The service here is a little slow.

Oh, uh, waiter?

- Oui, oui.

- Uh, so what should we get for dessert?

- What now?

- Your wig's falling down.

I see streaks.

- [Gasps] fix it.

- Okay, take it-- oh, no, you hold--

shh, shh, shh.

[Both speaking indistinctly]

it all looks so good. It's so hard to choose.

[Both chuckle]

I got it. I got it. I got it.

All right, here we go.

Okay, we got it.

- All right, we're good.

Let's just skip dessert

because I am so full.

- We haven't ordered dinner yet.

- Uh, check, please.

- Mmm.

Who else is living dining with me and eating toast?

- I love toast, but recent data states

that you should only eat it two days a week.

- What? That's ridiculous.

If you like something,

you should enjoy it anytime you want.

- Ha!

So you're saying that recent data is wrong?

- Ooh, what I'm saying is...

You're on a date with him?

- You realize you're dating yourself, right?

Both: no, we're not.

Wait.

Oh.

- Hey, so you know what's really great

to do on fancy dates?

- What?

- Two spoons.

Oh! Ze souffle.

- Carlos, how did you know I love souffles?

- Oh.

No ice cream?

- A la mode!

- The things I do for these idiots.

- Ah!

Splat!

Pfff!

- James?

- Oui.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

- You know exactly what's going on.

I told you that I didn't need any help on my date,

and you didn't believe me.

- Arm wrestling? Seriously, dude?

I should still be playing dumb.

[Speaks gibberish french]

- oh, come here.

- Oh!

- Who wants dessert?

- Ah!

No, no, no, no!

- I had a great time on this double date.

- No, no, no! Watch out!

- Do recent studies show that opposites attract?

- Don't know, don't care.

- Are you okay with this?

- Recent data reveals four out of five first dates

end in failure.

- Oh, no, no, no!

Whoa! Whoa! Watch out!

- That's it!

Worst meal ever!

- Oh, but messieurs,

you haven't seen the dessert cart yet.

Ah, here it comes.

- Oh! Oh!

- Yeah, that's james.

- [Screams]

[blood pressure monitor beeping]

[crashing]

- oh! Oh! Oh!

Who! Whoa!

- Kendall, you saved my wig.

- Yeah.

- I'm not kissing you.

- I know that.

- Oh.

- Lucille.

- Your hair.

- Uh, mr. And mrs. Lucy's parents,

it's not what you think.

- I think you don't attend a conservatory at all.

And neither does he.

- Wow. It's exactly what you think.

- Mom, dad...

I'm out here writing songs

and trying to be a rock star.

- Oh, lucy.

We are so disappointed.

- No, no, no, no.

You should be proud of her.

She is...

An amazing musician.

In fat, um...

We can prove it to you.

Right now.

- We can?

- Yes, as long as I get something to eat afterwards.

- ♪ I don't know why you always get so insecure ♪

♪ I wish you could see what I see ♪

♪ when you're looking in the mirror ♪

♪ and why won't you believe me

♪ when I say

♪ that to me you get more beautiful ♪

♪ every day

- ♪ when you're looking at the magazines ♪

and thinking that you'll never measure up ♪

♪ you're wrong

- ♪ 'cause you're my cover

♪ cover girl

♪ I think you're a superstar

♪ yeah, you are

♪ why don't you know?

♪ Yeah, you're so pretty

that it hurts ♪

♪ it's what underneath the skin ♪

♪ the beauty that shines within ♪

♪ you're the only one that rocks my world ♪

♪ my cover girl

♪ oh

♪ my cover girl

♪ oh

- ♪ you've got a heart of gold ♪

♪ a perfect original

- ♪ wish you would stop being so hard on yourself ♪

♪ for a while

♪ and when I see that face

♪ I try to , ways

- ♪ I would do anything

♪ to make you smile

♪ my cover girl

♪ whoa

- ♪ my cover girl

[cheers and applause]

- so I can stay?

- Well, at least it's a strong instrument.

- Now, can you put the wig back on?

- Please.

- You were the best one out there.

And this was the best date ever.

- That's because I got the best bud ever.

- I know.

- Why do you think we break up so much?

- Probably because we like making up so much.

- Huh.

My blood pressure is perfectly normal.

Turns out I didn't need to spend quality time

away from my dogs.

I needed to spend quality time with my dogs.

- The check, messieurs.

- Ah, thank you, messieurs.

[Humming jovially]

[gasps]

[blood pressure monitor beeping]

- oh, no, no, no.

- [Squealing]

[all talking at once]

- ♪ step it up, get in gear ♪

♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪

- ♪ got to go big time

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ make it work, get it right ♪

♪ change the world overnight

- ♪ got to dream big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ give it all you got now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ isn't it a rush

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪
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