- Bring on the merchandise.
- I hope we get our own special fragrance like jay z.
- I want to play the big time rush video game.
- And I want to play
with the btr zombie att*ck squad action figures!
- Have a seat, fellas,
'cause we're all excited
to discover what btr merchandise lies beneath this shiny cloth.
Hit it, marketers.
- Boys, our cr*ck staff has spent the last year
researching, developing, patenting, and testing
the exact merchandise that will amaze our retail partners.
- Are you ready...
For the big time rush products
that'll be flying off the store shelves
all over the world?
- Bring it on.
- So ready. - Bring it!
- I present to you the big time rush...
Toilet scrubbers.
- Big time rush...
Horse shampoo.
- And the big time rush action set.
- The dolls aren't horrible.
- That say all your favorite big time catchphrases.
- Let's get some hockey balls and play a hockey game!
- I made boom-boom, better change me!
- I love it!
What else do they say?
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh
- ♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
- ♪ when you go big time
- ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪
♪ never quit and make it real ♪
- ♪ when you roll big time
- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
- ♪ hey, hey
- ♪ listen to your heart now
- ♪ hey, hey
- ♪ don't you feel the rush
- ♪ uh-oh, uh-oh
♪ uh-oh, uh-oh
- ♪ oh
- ♪ go and shake it up
♪ whatcha gotta lose
♪ go and make your luck
♪ with the life you choose
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪
[clapping]
- excellent work, you two.
You're really thinking outside the box.
- Is there any way we can put them back inside the box?
- Yeah, because when I think of big time rush,
I think of not horse shampoo!
- These products are unique and different,
which exactly the kind of merchandise
sam selmart loves.
- Sam selmart?
As in selmart stores?
- Howdy, friends.
Sam selmart from selmart stores.
Lookee here, this week y'all can save
on home electronics, puppet gum,
and a springmatic turbo adjustable bed.
Now, let me tell you something, folks,
with , settings, this thing will get you out of bed
quicker than a rattlesnake in a sleeping bag.
Selmart, over , stores where you can shop
for more for less for more.
- That's the one.
- Griffin, don't we think that these products are, uh--
- highly embarrassing?
- And I don't say, "I made boom-boom."
All: you just did.
- This is not about what you like.
This is about what sam selmart likes,
which is why our marketing team is going to pitch these items
to him at : today
at his annual west coast product search.
- Keep the prototypes.
Play with the dolls.
Wash a horse.
- I think you'll like these products as much as we do.
- And I don't want to hear any complaining
or yelling.
[Muffled speech]
- okay, griffin's gone.
- Gustavo, if these end up on selmart's shelves,
we will be a laughingstock.
- Yeah, I know.
- I hate being laughed at.
Like that one time in the third grade
when those kids pantsed me in the cafeteria.
[Together] we said we were sorry.
- And do these guys even look
like a robot zombie att*ck squad?
- Kendall's got to go potty!
- I do not say that!
- I have to agree with the guys on this one.
These products are total boom-boom.
- Which is why...
We are taking over this pitch meeting
and presenting our own big time merchandise.
- Right.
Me, you, kelly, and carlos will stay here
and record new cool catchphrases for our dolls that aren't:
- yo, yo, let's get a hang down low on the snip-snap!
- Yeah, james and I will head up
our own research and development.
- And create a big time product
that sam selmart and the whole world will want.
- All right, guys, let's get a hang down low on the snip-snap.
- Stop it!
- Ah, here come our future karate champs!
Go team!
No karate in the lobby!
- Hey, I need a new palmwoods robe for my mom.
I got a stain on it.
- The amazing katie knight can't get a stain out?
- Mom will never know.
Come on, little stain. Come on, little stain!
[Garbage disposal grinding]
nope.
- Replacement robes are available
at the palmwoods store.
- What palmwoods store?
Ding!
- Welcome to the palmwoods store.
One palmwoods robe...
Bucks.
- Bucks?
- It has microfibers.
- [Sighs]
- okay, we need to combine our strengths
to create the perfect selmart merchandising product.
- Mine are high iq, adorable dimples, and chemistry.
And yours are?
- Girls, girls, hair, and girls.
So with your chemistry genius and my knowledge of girls,
we can create a totally awesome--
- chemistry girl?
- Perfume.
Bieber's got one. Usher's got one.
And we smell way better than them.
- I'll set up a minilab
while you gather up all of our favorite odors
to combine into btr's signature scent.
- Smellevate.
- Which we'll name later.
- Smellevate is a great name!
- Dogs, I passed your dolls' voice chips into the board
so we can record new, cooler big time catchphrases.
Okay, carlos is up first.
Action!
- The robot zombies are attacking!
Quick, target their reactor hearts!
Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew--
- cut!
What are you doing?
- I believe it's the big time rush
action set defeating the evil robot zombies.
- We don't say that.
- Well, we would
if we were being att*cked by evil robot zombies.
- Okay, kendall, you're up next.
Action!
- I'm kendall.
Be cool, everybody.
- "Be cool"?
Hey, I'm kendall. Be cool everybody.
- It's a lot better than "pew, pew, pew."
- Are you kidding me? "Be cool" is stupid!
- Oh, yeah? Well, you're stupid.
- No, you're stupid. - No, you're stupid.
- No, your voice is stupid!
- Shut it! Shut it forever!
[Both speaking at once]
- please, stop it, are you out of your--
[muffled speech]
- I don't even care anymore!
[Muffled speech]
[menacing music]
- okay, let's try that again.
- Hiyah!
- I said no karate in the lobby!
[Kids screaming]
what now?
- A new robe.
The one you sold me doesn't have a belt.
- Sorry, no refunds, returns, or exchanges.
Palmwoods store policy.
- What? You sold me a defective item.
- If you have a complaint, call customer service.
- Oh, I'm calling.
[Telephone rings]
- palmwoods store customer service.
This is reginald. How may I help you?
- This isn't over!
- Some crushed pine needles
to remind us of our minnesota roots.
- A pinch of powdered hockey puck
to evoke our favorite sport.
- A splash of our favorite juice...
[Together] juice box juice!
- Whoo!
- Okay, anything else?
[Both sniff]
- perhaps some spice to capture btr's zest for life.
- Perfect. - Okay, now hurry up.
The selmart pitch is in minutes,
and I still have to make a fancy box.
- Okay. Spice.
Spice. Spicy spice.
Spicy spice, where are you, spicy spice?
No, uh-uh, no.
- Okay, two more super cool big time rush catchphrases.
And a-go!
- Got to live it big-time!
- Helmets rule!
- Perfect!
Okay, and now to drag the voice files
onto the dolls' voice chips.
And we are ready for our selmart pitch.
- Are you sure you did that right?
- I'm sure we don't have time to talk about it!
- But do you have time to experience--
- the one scent that is bold enough to be called...
Smellevate.
- Uh, no!
Because we need to come up with a plan
to get rid of griffin's marketing team
so that we can take over that pitch meeting
with sam selmart.
[Together] on it!
- No tree hats!
- Um, tree hats have solved a lot of problems.
- And they're awesome.
- Yeah, do you have a better idea?
- Huh?
- Well, uh, there's...
[Mumbles]
- hello, griffin's marketing team?
Yes, this is selmart west coast headquarters.
We're gonna need to cancel
that merchandising meeting that you had today.
Mr. Selmart's feeling ill.
[Together] nice!
- Let's go!
- Oh, yeah. - Go, go, go, go, go!
- Who in the name of candied yams are you?
- We are the big time marketing team
of kendall, james, carlos, logan, gustavo, and kelly.
- Do me the names.
I'm gonna call y'all "clem."
What you got, clem?
- Sir, I'm sure you'll agree,
the items under this fancy, shiny--
- stop right there, big clem.
You see them boxes behind you?
They are empty.
I want to fill 'em with merchandise,
get 'em to my stores, and make me some money.
Now, quit tickling my side parts and pitch me.
- Right!
The first item you're going to see
is a classic.
The big time action set.
- Which includes some of your favorite
big time catchphrases.
- You're stupid.
- You're stupid!
- Them dolls just sass me?
- Uh, no, no, no.
Wh-what the doll was supposed to say is--
- shut it! Shut it forever!
- And, now, here is james and logan
to show you the next product you are sure to love!
- We would like you to be the first to experience
btr's new fragrance...
- A spicy, contemporary scent
that says you want to live it big-time.
Smellevate.
- Ah! Oh, my seein' eyes!
Oh, I'm temporarily blind!
Oh, it burns!
Both: what did you put in there?
- Logan said to make it spicy.
- I said to add spice, like cinnamon or nutmeg!
- [Screaming] it burns!
- So no to the habañero hot sauce?
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh
- sorry! - Walk it off!
- And in our big story today,
mega retailer sam selmart was injured
in a merchandise meeting gone horribly awry.
While being airlifted to the hospital, selmart said,
"a blind salesman is like a donkey with a hangnail.
You can lead him to the barn, but he'll still call you susan."
- Griffin, before you say anything...
We can fix this.
- Let me guess.
It involves a crank phone call,
breaking and entering,
and tree hats.
- We weren't actually gonna break anything.
- [Laughs]
- tree hats don't work in the high stakes business world.
What might work is the personal apology
you're going to give sam selmart today.
- [High-pitched voice] yeah, guys, let's go apologize.
We should go say sorry to sam!
Okay, yeah, maybe we should just stop talking, because...
- And after you apologize,
I'll be there to personally pitch the products
sam was supposed to see yesterday at :.
The toilet brushes, the horse shampoo,
and the dolls that do not tell selmart
to "shut it, shut it forever."
- Griffin, if people see these products, they'll laugh at us.
- I hate when people laugh at me...
That one time at summer camp when those guys
put a sign on my back that said, "fart on me."
[Together] we said we were sorry.
- And now you're going to say you're sorry to sam selmart.
And pitch these products.
What do your dolls have to say now?
- Let's go tell sam we're sorry!
- Whatever griffin says.
- Yeah, great plan, boss!
- Away we go!
[All chanting] - break it, break it.
[Door slams]
- I said no karate in the lobby.
[Kids yell]
[sighs] how can i--
- I want my belt.
I bought a robe.
Robes come with belts.
I want my belt.
So just reach down there,
open up another robe, and give me the belt.
- If I did that, then I'd have a robe without a belt,
which I can't sell, and I'd be out $.
And personally, I'd prefer if you were out $.
- Haven't you ever heard the expression
"the customer's always right"?
- I don't listen to hip-hop.
If you've got a problem, call customer service.
- Don't...
Move.
[Telephone ringing]
pick up the phone.
Pick up the phone.
[Machine beeps]
- you've reached the palmwoods store customer service line.
We're experiencing high call volume.
Your current wait time is long.
♪ Ba, ba-da, ba, ba, ba-da-da-da ♪
- howdy, arthur. - Sam.
- Hey, boys. Blind anyone lately?
- We are so sorry. - So sorry!
- "Sorry" doesn't trim the whiskers
on the admiral's beard, does it?
But I will forgive you if you pitch me some merchandise
I can sell in my stores and make money with.
- Sam, my research and development team
at rcm/cbt globalnet/sanyoid
has some exciting big time merchandise.
It's gonna fly off your shelves!
- Well, I sure hope they're better products
than that last jackalope done tried to pitch me.
Katy perry horse shampoo and toilet scrubbers
with one direction's face on them.
Why in the world would I want to scrub my john with liam?
- Which is why you're going to love
the all new and improved big time rush action set.
- Ooh.
- I made boom-boom. Better change me!
[Nervous laughter]
- boom-boom?
That ain't the kind of action I want.
I want kung fu grip and superpower.
- Oh, oh, oh, these dolls, they fight zombie robots.
- Yeah, yeah, and they go, "pew, pew!"
- Pew, pew?
Now, I like me some pew, pew.
What else they do?
- Uh...they fly! - Darn tootin' they fly.
[All speaking at once]
- I love me some flyin'!
How do they fly?
- Oh, well, like this!
Beep!
- [Yells]
crash!
- [High-pitched voice] well, he said he loved flying.
- No refunds and no returns?
No way.
- I said no karate in the lobby!
- If he doesn't want to give me the belt,
I'll just take it myself.
[Punchy music]
bingo.
- Welcome to the palmwoods store.
One robe will be $.
- I don't have $.
- Well, then you don't have a robe.
- I will haunt you until I get my belt.
From the moment you open this stupid palmwoods store
until the minute you close,
I will be there.
I gave you $,
and I will get my money's worth.
- I'm so scared.
[Laughs]
- how long has he been in there?
- About an hour and minutes.
I think he's almost finished, though.
- And we're finished.
Because selmart stopped selling
big time rush's music in his stores.
- Which accounts for % of our album sales.
- Actually, %.
- [Gasps]
- it's over.
I pitched horrible product ideas,
launched the world's richest ceo over our heads,
and k*lled your music career in less than three minutes.
- Griffin, we can fix this.
- How?
We're banned from selmart's west coast headquarters
and blocked from all his phone lines.
[Punchy spy music]
♪
Are you sure this is gonna work?
[Together] definitely probably not.
[Suspenseful music]
- ah!
[Screams]
[gasping]
fine.
You want a belt?
I'll get you a belt.
Welcome to the palmwoods store.
Here. Here's your belt.
- That's a tie from the lost and found.
- No, it's a belt!
And it's not only stylish. It's functional!
And it's sturdy
and can be used to hold your robe together.
You think you could b*at me in a fight?
Well, bring it on!
- You heard him, guys.
Karate in the lobby!
[Kids yell]
- no! No, no, no!
[Kids yelling]
- they all did great today.
They all got promoted from their white belts.
- Can I have one of those?
- You can have them all.
No, billy, the solar plexus. A little higher.
[Kids yelling and punches landing]
- okay, so say we get into the building, then what?
- We do what we do best.
Sing.
- We show off our voices.
- And not toilet scrubbers.
- He sees we're a great band
and puts our music back on the shelves.
- And we go back to the way it was.
- And forget about this whole merchandise thing.
- I see two flaws with your plan.
[Together] what?
- Them.
- Don't any of you guys move.
Both: we got this.
Smellevate!
[Both groaning]
[elevateplaying]
♪
[Alarms beeping]
- is this going well?
[Together] it's about average.
- Go, go, go!
- Well, glad you're back, boys.
Gives me a chance to test the best product I've seen so far,
the xr- pineapple cannon.
These bad boys can knock a billy goat off a barn roof
and make fruit salad at the same time.
[Laughing]
- looks like your tree hats couldn't save us after all.
- Oh, whoa, whoa, rope it in, there, junior.
What in the name of all things moist and meaty is on your head?
[Together] tree hats?
- Tree hats.
What are they?
- Uh, they help you...
With, uh, with things.
- Stylish. Biodegradable.
Keeps you cool in the summer, warm in the winter.
I love 'em!
I'm gonna call 'em...
Tree hats!
- Wait, let me get this straight,
you want to buy these?
- I want , of 'em, son.
I'm gonna put 'em in my boxes and sell 'em all over the world.
Money! Ow.
- But we thought you hated us.
- Pretty clem, let me tell you a story.
A feller once stabbed me in the foot with a penknife.
Darn near took off my whole big toe.
You want to know what I done?
I bought every Kn*fe that fella had and made me rich as midas.
What do you say, son?
We got a deal?
- And you'll keep selling big time rush's music?
- Does an aardvark fart in a park on tuesday?
- I don't know what that means. - Uh, I'm not really sure.
- Yes I'll keep selling your "music."
[Whooping and cheering]
whoo-hoo!
- Boys, we have to say we completely underestimated
your merchandising and marketing genius.
- The tree hats are making sam selmart...
Very happy.
- They're making me lots of money.
- In fact, sam is so impressed with you guys,
he's gonna be investing in some of your other product ideas.
[Together] what other product ideas?
- Howdy, friend, sam selmart here with this week's specials.
Come on down to selmart and get yourself a big time tree hat
for only $..
And while you're here, why not get yourself
a big time rush robot zombie action set!
Pew, pew! And they fly!
And for you weekend gardeners,
ain't nothin' keeps pests and bugs away like smellevate.
Proven, tested, and effective on me.
Selmart, where you can shop for more for less for more.
Ow!
- ♪ Step it up, get in gear ♪
♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪
- ♪ got to go big time
- ♪ hey, hey
- ♪ make it work, get it right ♪
♪ change the world overnight
- ♪ got to dream big time
- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
- ♪ hey, hey
- ♪ give it all you got now
- ♪ hey, hey
- ♪ isn't it a rush
- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
- ♪ go and shake it up
♪ whatcha gotta lose
♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪
03x05 - Big Time Merchandise
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A look at life for the members of a boy band who are trying to make it big in the music industry.
A look at life for the members of a boy band who are trying to make it big in the music industry.