(m*llitary instrumental music)
(troops chanting)
- Come on Weaver,
come on Weaver.
Keep those feet moving,
can't tell your left
from your right.
Can you hear me, Weaver?
Are you listening?
Do you have any ribbon?
(knocking)
- [Man] Sir, politely requesting
to enter the hull, sir.
- Enter.
Oh my God.
What the hell is that?
- Sir, Private Weaver,
reporting as ordered, sir.
- Why the hell would
I need to talk to you.
You're a severe screwup.
What's your problem,
Private Screwup?
- Sir, I'm just messed up, sir.
- Messed up?
You need a box of
pampers, private?
- Sir, no sir.
- Come on, Weaver, come on.
Your Mommy ain't down here,
your Daddy ain't down here.
I'm down here waiting on you.
Come on, move it,
move it, move it,
move it, move it,
move it, move it.
Move it, move it, move
it, get on out there.
You're gonna have to
eat a little bit more
meat and potatoes, aren't you?
Your problem, puke,
is that you're always
thinking about what
things could be better
instead of bettering
what you can be.
Alright, get that
stick up there.
Come on, up there, Weaver.
Come, on get it up.
Weaver, what's the
matter with you.
Mr. Weaver, your
pantyhose fall down.
Your ass belongs to
the United States Army,
and we expect you to
get your mind right.
Well don't kiss it, k*ll it.
Come on, Weaver, what are
you, some kind of wuss?
And your attitude locked in.
(yelling)
(chatter)
There's nothing more formidable
than a United States
soldier trained to fight,
trained to k*ll,
trained to survive.
You will be that
soldier, private,
is that understood?
- Sir, the private differs with
the sergeant's opinion, sir.
- We're gonna give you a
little special training.
Come on, private,
show them what kind
of soldier you can be.
- Sir, I'm unarmed.
- Come, on defend yourself.
Defend yourself.
Defend yourself.
(punches thudding)
(grunting)
(punches thudding)
(tense orchestral music)
(mellow instrumental music)
? We never thought we'd find
? Another place where we belong
? Don't have to stand alone
? We'll never let you fall
? Don't need permission
to decide what you believe
? Jump
? Down on jump street
? Look
? Down on jump street
? Your friends will be there
? When your back is to the wall
? You'll find you need us cause
? There's no one else to call
? When it looks hopeless
? A decision's what you need
? You got to be
ready to, be ready to
? Jump
? jump street
- What are you guys looking at?
- Your face.
(laughing)
- Good morning.
- [All] Good morning.
- Hey, that red one's cool.
- Oh, this is the
Army service ribbon.
- And what's that
one right there?
- Vietnam service medal.
- That's correct, sir.
- Hey,
Ramone's.
th anniversary tour.
(chuckling)
- Might I speak with
your Captain Ford?
(knocking)
- Yeah.
- Permission to
enter the hull, sir.
(laughing)
No, no, no.
(laughing)
Oh, man.
Boy a lot of memories
just flashed before my eyes.
- You ain't gonna
die on me, are you?
- Hey, do I look like
a survivor, or what?
(laughing)
- I see you've
finally made captain.
- Aw yeah, and the
people I command?
Hey.
They were five years old
when we were in country.
(laughing)
- The ones I trained were just
gleams in their daddy's eyes.
You mind if I pull up
a rotten chair here?
- Hey, hey, sit down.
- Weary bones.
(laughing)
- Wait a minute, hold
it, hold it, hold it.
Did I hear you say, train?
- That's an affirmative.
- No.
- Yes.
- You're a damn drill sergeant.
(laughing)
Hey listen, listen.
You use the same tricks on them
as they did on us?
- Sometimes, yes.
But you know, I always
pictured you guys
laughing at me
while I'm doing it.
- Yeah, well, we
said one day we'd
look back and laugh.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
I have a problem, Adam.
days ago one of my basics,
a private, Jack Weaver
went over the hill.
I pointed the way.
- Kid a screwup?
- No no, he.
I told him that a million times
only because he could be
an outstanding soldier.
I'm trying to find some point,
some breakthrough.
And I pushed him.
Hard.
And I kept pushing
him until he broke.
I hit him, Adam.
(sighing)
In two days
he's a deserter.
- And they bring in the Feds?
- [Sergeant] That's right.
- Do you know where he is?
- I took some time
to track him down.
You know, played some
hunches, made some calls
on my own, you know.
He's at his old high
school, Madison.
- Enrolled?
- No, he's (chuckling)
hanging out with his buddies.
You know, Adam
I know about your
program here, and
if I go walking
down those halls,
he's gonna rabbit.
It would be a favor.
It's not going completely
out of your line.
And you'd be keeping him
from a high dung heap.
- Sounds like something
neither of us should
be doing, Wilcox.
- Yeah.
- Go back to base, Larry.
My people will
deliver him to you.
Save you from some
unwanted questions.
- I owe you one, sir.
- Nah. (chuckling)
No, I'm just paying
back one of mine.
(Camera clicking)
- I would rather be
in the Russian Army
marching across Siberia than
take a picture in a yearbook.
- Bon Jove, that's
a different name.
- Actually it's Joe-Vee.
It's Dutch.
(camera clicking)
- He's digging it.
- He should have had a
little more patience,
they would have let him out of
the Army on a section eight.
- What's that?
- It's that thing that Klinger
was always trying to get.
- Oh, right.
Just be glad we didn't get
some Ollie North wannabe.
This is gonna be cake.
- What are we doing?
Why don't we just get the guy,
get this thing over with.
- Okay.
Fuller said quietly, though.
- Right.
(laughing)
- Joe-Vay.
- I should have told
them I was Mick Jagger.
Guy probably wouldn't have
known the difference anyway.
(laughing)
Here, want one?
- Ah, no thanks.
- [Tall Man] Come on,
for old time's sake?
- Hey.
- Put 'em out.
- Oh no.
- Detention, one week each.
For the three of you.
Piece of cake.
(phone ringing)
(sighing)
- Judy Hall.
Around the horn?
Isn't that some
kind of yo-yo trick?
Well, I hope you're asking me if
I speak two languages.
That's disgusting!
Disgusting and impossible!
- Obscene phone call.
- Booker calling in sick.
- Shut up!
And get some therapy.
That was an obscene phone call.
The most disgusting
thing I've ever
heard in my life.
- No one should be able
to subject another person
to that kind of trash.
- I know, and from a girl.
- Girl?
- A girl?
- Oh my God.
- This is a drag.
- This is embarrassing.
We should have had
junior back hours ago.
- [Doug] Look at him, he's
just latched onto that girl.
His glands haven't
even matured yet.
- Good afternoon, everyone.
Let's settle down now, shall we?
I'd like your attention, please.
This is the time
of year when you
must make many choices
regarding your future.
Sergeant Colquit would
like to offer you
another suggestion.
- Good afternoon.
I'm sure you've all see those
commercials on TV.
Now, I'm not gonna jive you.
I'm here to tell you
how it really is.
I'm told many of you top
g*n students have been
accepted to some
fine universities
and we congratulate you.
We're aware many may
initially resist our offer.
However, let me remind
you that the Army
is a peacekeeping force.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Easy Weaver, you
are under arrest.
Aw, man.
- Excuse me.
Did you see a guy
around here with a
plaid shirt on?
You need some help with this?
(bleachers clattering)
- Okay, we'll see ya.
- So, are you sure that
nobody followed you?
- I'm positive.
Where are you gonna go?
- I don't know.
Oh man.
Not again.
- Stop it, stop it,
you're treating him
like a criminal.
- He is a criminal.
Give me your hands.
- Well, congratulations, Jack.
You won hardest guy to
catch of the month award.
- [Doug] This is your trophy.
(phone ringing)
- This is Judy.
Oh, hi Cindy, how you doing?
Yeah, I can make it
for lunch next week.
Alright, take care.
Bye bye.
- It's a six hour
drive to the base.
Get him back there today.
Tomorrow, he'll
officially be a deserter.
- [Doug] Well, it's a good
thing we got you, then.
You don't want to be
a deserter, do you?
- Oh yeah, this is the
best thing to happen
in my life since
colon hydrotherapy.
- Officers Penhall and Hanson
will be returning you
to Sergeant Wilcox.
And don't even think
about giving them
any crap, private.
- Do you mind?
For the next six hours,
I'm still a civilian.
- Let me ask you a
personal question.
- Yeah.
- It's peace time.
Why do you join the Army
if you hate it so much?
- Never said I hated the Army.
- Well, then why did
you bail the Army
to go hang out in high school?
- Because I hate high school.
- Oh.
- It's gonna be a long ride.
- So, what?
You don't hate the
Army, but you left.
You do hate school,
but you hang out there.
Why?
- Because I can.
- So what, is logic
your strong point?
- Nothing is my strong point.
- Look, you get in the
car, we take your back,
you serve your time,
you get a career.
- Yeah, it's a job.
- It's much more than a job.
It's an adventure.
- Well, it can be.
It's just like police work.
Police and Army,
they're kind of similar.
- You guys are
trained to save lives.
Soldiers are trained
to take them.
- It's gonna be
a very long ride.
- Don't forget your seat belt.
(m*llitary instrumental music)
- Hey.
Check him out.
You think he's dreaming
about chasing rabbits?
(yelling)
- [Doug] You okay?
(radio chatter)
- Hey, that was choice.
(radio chatter)
(upbeat country music)
(laughing)
(radio chatter)
- I didn't think it was
gonna be a big deal but
I felt really
weird when I had to
register for the draft.
- Listen, we're
lucky that's the most
we had to worry about.
- Why anybody would
want to volunteer during
peace time is beyond me.
- We're even, I don't
know why anyone would
want to be a cop.
- Sorry.
You know what I mean.
Hanson, if the draft was on now
and your number was coming up,
what branch would you go into.
In the order like,
what you want to do
the best to the worst?
- Air Force, Navy, Army,
Canada, Marines.
(laughing)
- Yeah, Marines, man.
Only thing I like about
Marines is that chant
thing they do where they go,
duh-nuh-nuh nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh.
- The Army's got those.
- They do?
- [Jack] Yeah.
- Can you do one?
- Cadence?
- [Doug] Yeah yeah, a cadence.
- Wouldn't you
rather pull the bones
out of my feet, I
mean it would be
a lot less painful.
- Too much caffeine.
? I'm a private Jack by name
? He's a private
Come on!
? Jack by name
? Joined the Army
'cause I'm insane
? Joined the Army
'cause he's insane
Why didn't you do it?
- I don't.
- Okay, alright, I got one,
I got one.
? Hanson and Penhall
are driving a car
? Hanson and Penhall
were driving a car
? Police work take mighty far
Alright, well it's off
the top of my head.
? I don't know,
but I've been told
? He don't know but he been told
? Eskimo p--
- [Doug] Hey, hey,
don't do that.
? Sound off
? One, two
? Sound off
? Three, four
? Sound off
? One, two, three,
four, one, two
? Three four
(Phone ringing)
- This is Judy.
(sighing)
It's lady chatty, I'll give
it to the highest bidder.
- One buck.
- Two bucks.
- I can dial a nine seven
six number for two bucks.
I mean if I were so inclined.
- Right.
- You got a problem with it?
Sounds like you're
talking some trash.
- Now there's a gentleman.
- Yeah?
Yeah, I know her.
She's standing right next to me.
Well she's five six, short hair.
Yeah, they're okay.
- Give me that phone.
- Wait, wait.
I guess I bet you can.
You should be here.
- Give me that.
I can't believe
you just said that.
- Alright, they're
more than okay.
Well they are.
- Lady chatty.
- Yeah?
- What did she say?
- Gonna cost you four bucks.
- [Jack] I want to go
to a baseball game.
- They're all sold
out today, Jack.
- No, no, I mean once.
I've never been.
You guys?
- Yeah.
- Last June in San Diego
I saw Tony Quinn go--
- Hey.
Have you guys ever fooled around
with a tall, leggy blonde.
- Sure.
- No.
- Yeah, I have.
- With who?
- That one.
- No.
- What about you?
- Yeah.
- Me too, I have too.
- What about Cajun food?
You guys ever ate a crawfish?
- Hey man, it's not
like you're dying.
- No, I'm going to jail.
- Hey, we're bring
you back in time,
you're just gonna
be in the cooler
for a couple weeks.
- And then the rest
in the service.
- Four years.
Wham was a big band
four years ago.
Dr. J was still playing ball.
- Hey, hey.
Four years ain't that bad.
You go to high
school four years.
- Four years.
I can't spend another day.
- Listen, you made your
bed, now sleep in it.
- Now, listen.
It's not like you
didn't know what
you were getting
into Jack, you know?
- I didn't.
My SATs were like combined.
I had nothing lined up,
I had no idea what I wanted.
And these guys, Calvary, right,
they come along
telling me they can
help me find out what I want?
All I find out is
what I don't want.
- The Army.
- Well, you know,
you made a mistake.
- Yeah, right, exactly.
Once I know that, I
should be able to start
off the very next day
with a clean slate.
Why should I have
to wait four years?
I just want to start over.
(instrumental rock music)
Can we pull over, I gotta go.
- Can you hang on?
We got eight more miles.
- Didn't I tell you
to go before we left?
- Well, yeah.
Listen, they consider
me a criminal
and it's procedure
to strip search and
I don't want to embarrass
myself, you know?
Hey man, do you mind?
I go to go to Congress, if
you know what I'm saying.
Could you take them off?
- Someone has to
keep an eye on him.
- Odds.
(sighing)
Come on.
- Hey hurry up please.
It's a little cold
out here.
- Oh come on, man.
I got a thing about
going in public.
(scoffing)
You're in the Army.
- Yeah just another
reason to go AWOL.
- Alright, but hurry up, okay?
- Sir, yes sir!
- [Tom] Doug!
Doug!
- [Doug] He's almost done.
- He's done and gone.
(upbeat instrumental music)
(fast paced instrumental music)
- Come on, it's up to
Dudley Doo right now.
- Listen, we're
trained police officers
we should be able to function.
- That's right.
- In any situation.
- That's right, okay.
First thing we gotta do
is call for backup, right?
Next, get a little
crowd control going.
Alright, you little
woodland creatures.
Back up, nothing to see here.
- Knock it off.
- No, no no listen, listen.
We're not equipped to do this.
No one will blame us
if we turn back now.
(yelling)
- It's him.
(tense instrumental music)
- Alright Jack, now we're mad.
(grunting)
You alright?
- Yes.
(groaning)
(yelling)
(fast paced instrumental music)
I don't think we're properly
equipped for this now.
- [Doug] I'm very uncomfortable.
- [Tom] Listen, all
we had to do was
follow the tracks back.
- [Doug] Maybe a bird
came along and ate the
bread crumbs, Hansel.
- [Tom] Hey listen, we're
in serious trouble here.
You know, it's gonna
be dark in an hour.
- [Doug] Yes, Mr. Den Leader.
We should have
never ventured out
past the rest area.
- Stop with the name calling.
What are we gonna do now?
- When I'm watching the news,
and they're looking for people
lost in the woods, they
usually say stay put.
- Nobody's looking for us.
- Well, when I'm
watching the news,
and they're looking
for lost people,
they don't usually find them.
- That's good to know.
- One for you, one for me.
- I think they keep putting
less in the packages.
- Just be glad I had these.
- You're not holding
out on me, are you?
- Hanson, don't get all
treasurer Sierra Madre on me.
- I know.
I'm just hungry.
- Me too.
Remember that, when
we were little kids,
that guy, what's his name on TV
that Yool Gibbons guy?
- Lou Gibbons?
- Yeah, Lou Gibbons.
He used to eat
everything, didn't he?
Try that bark over there.
- This?
- Is it red berries
or green berries?
I think red berries is
nature's way of saying,
warning, look out, stay away.
Or red could mean ripe.
You know which it is?
- All I want to know is
my bed on Sunday morning,
the heater.
Paper, coffee.
Bugs Bunny.
Pro Bowlers Tour.
Is that too much to ask for?
- Wow, I just want a freakin'
walnut at this point.
My thumbs are numb.
- I can't feel my face.
- Me either.
- Let's build a fire.
- Okay, fire's good.
Fire's good, we
could cook a animal,
we could eat it, right?
- Yeah and then
we could stay here
and become fur traders.
- [Doug] We could do that.
(mumbles)
Look, look what I got.
They were really dry.
- Listen I couldn't light
this stuff if it was
soaked in kerosene.
I would have been
a lousy cave man.
What are you looking for?
- [Doug] A match.
- You don't smoke.
(laughing)
- Phone number.
Tall, leggy blonde.
(laughing)
- Okay, cup your hands,
cup your hands.
Make it work.
Like your plan.
- [Doug] Please.
Yes.
- [Tom] Oh oh oh.
(mumbles)
- I give you fire.
(yelling)
No!
No, no!
- God, bless me a microwave.
- That was the last match, too.
- Sure you don't have any more?
- Do I look like I
have any more matches?
Listen, if worst comes to worst,
and I think it's
gonna get worse.
- Yes?
- And you have to
eat my dead carcass,
will you do a me a favor?
- What?
- Starve.
- Hey, listen, we don't
need to build a fire.
He's up there.
It's Jack.
Let's go take his fire.
- It's like made to order.
(mumbles)
(tense orchestral music)
- You shouldn't be able to
see feet beyond that fire.
Let's use that.
- Okay, alright,
I'll go this way.
- I'll go this way.
(wolf howling)
(yelling)
Ow!
(yelling)
Hanson!
Dammit.
Hanson!
- Doug, Doug.
Hey, you alright.
Hey, did you do this?
- I think I broke me leg.
I can't even move.
- Weaver!
Weaver, we need your help!
- [Jack] I left you the fire.
Now leave me alone.
- Don't move, alright?
Put this on your head,
you're gonna freeze.
- "Don't move,"
where am I gonna go?
- Where are you!
- [Jack] Around.
- Listen, Penhall broke his leg!
- [Jack] Come on.
- Come on.
Look, it's no joke, he
got to get out of here.
- [Jack] I know the feeling.
- We're in trouble!
- [Jack] You made your bed.
Now sleep in it.
- [Tom] You need anything?
- Yeah, massive
doses of morphine.
- [Jack] Hey, you guys.
Dominos delivers.
(laughing)
- I'm gonna go get this guy.
- No, it's too cold.
You don't have enough
oxygen going to your brain.
- I can't move you.
Let alone find a way out of here
by myself.
Stick around, will ya?
? Hanson and Penhall
were lost in the woods
No way, man, you'll
never find me.
- You're being stupid, Jack.
- [Jack] Shut up!
Sick of your advice.
In fact, maybe now
would be a good time
for me to give you some advice.
- Alright, go ahead.
Give me some advice.
- [Jack] Winners never quit.
And quitters never win.
- But you did it,
you quit, you won.
- [Jack] You could do
it, too, man, it's easy.
Just quit!
- I'm coming after you, man.
- [Jack] I don't mean me.
The force!
Two weeks notice, man,
and they give you a
party when you leave.
You know, like school transfer.
Don't like where you live?
Boom.
Hate the Army, go to jail.
I'm no criminal, man.
I didn't hurt anybody.
- You got a point, Jack.
(tense orchestral music)
- Can't hear you, private!
Speak, Hanson!
Hanson!
Penhall needs you!
- Jack.
- [Jack] I know you're
not gonna sh**t me.
- Listen, man,
I'm only trying to help.
We got a problem, here.
I can't move Penhall.
You got to help.
- [Jack] I can't go back.
- Alright, listen.
You help us out,
I'll let you go.
- If I were you, man,
I'd say almost anything
to do out of here.
- If I were you, I
wouldn't let my mistakes
hurt anyone else.
- Good morning, Eric.
- [Eric] Good morning, Cap'.
- Hanson and Penhall back yet?
- Not that I know of.
- I better call Wilcox.
No no no no.
No, they should have
delivered him to you
yesterday afternoon.
- I'll dispatch some
men to search the area.
(tense orchestral music)
(laughing)
- Want a berry?
- [Tom] The red ones.
- [Doug] I told you
it was the red ones.
(cracking)
- You okay, Cleopatra?
- [Jack] He'll be fine.
- Mush!
(foreboding orchestral music)
(phone ringing)
- Hey Booker, would you
get that for me, please?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, it's you again.
Of course not, I'm at work.
Listen, my friend
don't like you calling.
Oh, really?
You can do that?
Yeah, well, you must be
a gymnast or something.
Okay.
Of course I've never done that.
Alright.
Okay.
Now that I've done.
- Give it to me.
Give me that phone,
I want to tell that
disgusting traitor
to womanhood--
- Wait, no.
No, no, that's too disgusting.
Okay.
- Booker, why is that
scum pervert bimbo,
why is she hassling me?
- She didn't ask for you.
In fact, she won't be
calling you ever again.
- Well, thank God.
Why not?
- I'll tell you on Monday.
- Monday, why Monday?
- I got a date with her Friday.
- [Doug] Yeah, here you guys go.
Got more before AM
and (mumbles) all day.
- [Tom] Yeah, all day.
All week.
- [Doug] Oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh.
(groaning)
Civilization!
- Sort of.
This is t*nk a*tillery range.
- What?
- We were on the
base the whole time.
- We've been chasing an AWOL
guy around an Army base?
(giggling)
- [Tom] Which has
been over four hours.
- Yeah. (chuckling)
- It's not funny.
(chuckling)
- We've just been camping, huh?
Yeah.
(m*llitary instrumental music)
- No hard feelings, guys,
but I'm not gonna wait for the
welcoming committee.
- Don't run anymore.
- I don't got a choice.
- You think you don't
have a choice now,
wait until they throw you
in jail for desertion.
- Hanson you can't do
this, you promised.
You got to live up to it.
- [Tom] I know what I promised.
- Then let me go.
- I can't.
- I saved your lives.
- Save your own.
Come on.
- No.
- I'm sorry.
- Private Weaver.
- We'll take him
back to the base.
- Thanks, but no thanks.
We won't make the mistake
of letting him go.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- You're still a
soldier, Weaver.
Unlike you, I've chosen to make
the m*llitary a career.
And in that time
I've recognized a lot
of unwarranted actions.
And I've learned from them.
That's what makes me
a good drill sergeant.
And I hope that's what
makes me a good man.
(sighing)
I recognize that I
have committed an
unwarranted action
against you and
I assure you, as soon as
you've served your time
in confinement,
your slate will be
completely clean with me.
You could be a
fine soldier, son.
If you chose to be.
(sighing)
- Hey.
Penhall and I are gonna go back.
- Keep in touch.
- I'm not gonna apologize.
? Hanson and Penhall
to Jack in jail
? Do make sure that
you wouldn't fail
? Sound off
? One, two
? Sound off
? Three, four
? Sound off
? One, two, three,
four, one, two
? Three four
(fast paced instrumental music)
(triumphant orchestral music)
03x13 - A.W.O.L.
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Series focuses on a squad of youthful-looking undercover police officers investigating crimes in high schools, colleges, and other teenage venues.
Series focuses on a squad of youthful-looking undercover police officers investigating crimes in high schools, colleges, and other teenage venues.