04x15 - Back from the Future

[bunniefuu]

Cogan, .

Ah, frack.

This duty sucks.

Sorry, kid.

Your request has been denied.

But Captain Fuller,
I just can't--

I can do nothing more.

Well I can.

I'll appeal.

You know department policy.

The decision is final.

They can't kick
me off the streets

just because of how I look.

It's not how you look,
it's how old you look,

or in your case, how young.

Yeah, well I'm the same age
as everybody else out there.

And they weren't
first in their class.

Look, Captain Fuller, you put me
on desk duty and we both lose.

I ever tell you
about my granddad?

Yeah, uh--

Adam Fuller, the one you
were named after, right?

Back when granddad was
captain, about years ago,

he knew a young officer who had
the exact same problem you do.

His name was Hanson, Tom Hanson.

Maybe he didn't want to
work the streets anyway.

Oh yes, he did.

In fact, that's all he wanted.

That's why they sent
him to Jump Street

Jump Street, what's that?

It was a chameleon operation
for underage-looking officers.

Grandad ran it out of a
church over on Jump Street.

Sent his offices straight
into high schools,

that kind of stuff.

You've probably heard
of some of them today.

Well, where do I apply?

You don't.

They dismantled the
program a long time ago.

The people in it were really
something, or so I'm told,

I never actually met
any of them myself.

Well maybe you'd change
your mind if you did.

Maybe.

[music playing]

COMPUTER: Transmitting
Officer John Cogan.

Officer John Cogan,
so, she finally made

good on her threats
and called you.

Well, you can tell her
from me that just music was

meant to be listened to loud.
- Mr. Hanson--

And while you're at
it, you can also tell her

that I don't much like
listening to the Tiffany laser

dish she plays day and night.

Mr. Hanson, I'm
not here about that.

Tell me about Jump Street.

Well, do you want we
should talk in the hallway

like two bums or something?
Get in here.

[THEME - HOLLY ROBINSON
- " JUMP STREET"]

(SINGING) We never thought we'd
find a place where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone,
we'll never let you fall.

Don't need permission to
decide what you believe.

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You'll find you need us cuz
there's no one else to call.

When it was hopeless, a
decision's what you need.

You better be ready to--

be ready to jump,
Jump Street.

What can I tell you about
the Jump Street program?

Well, a better man than
me said it better than me.

It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.

Come on.

Tom?

Amy?

It was the age of wisdom.

It was the age of foolishness.

[screams]

[horn honking]

"In short, the period was so
far like the present period

that some of its
noisiest authorities

insisted on its being received
for good and for evil,

in the superlative degree
of comparison only."

Charles Dickens, ,
"A Tale of Two Cities."

years later and you
still know it by heart.

Well I ought to, I mean, every
school we worked in read it.

What are you hoping to get
out of a bunch of old timers?

I want to show
him how it was done.

How was it done?

Well, damned if I know.

All I remember is how I got
into it, or almost didn't.

The department's got
an undercover program.

It's the mayor's baby.

Nobody on the force knows about
this except silver shields

and up.

It's called Jump Street Chapel.

Well, the reason
it's called that

is because this particular
undercover unit works out

of an old abandoned
chapel on the corner

of Jump Street and th.

Interested?

Not yet.

Every year the department
takes younger-looking officers,

at least the younger
looking ones we

think can handle
the pressure, teach

them how to be teenagers again.

Then we send them out
to various high schools

where we can use a
good man undercover.

Kind of like Fast Times
at Bust Your Buddy High?

Yeah.

No thanks.

See, I hated high school
the first time, you know--

swimming in gym without
trunks, health films,

not getting the girl
you want because you

don't wear groovy enough shoes.

And I don't think
I'd get off cuffing

some kid who threw a spitball
at his chemistry teacher.

I've had homicides in
high school since December.

Look, I went to the
academy to go on patrol,

to be a police officer like my--

to enforce the law.

Tom, it's either
this or I assign

you a desk at Parker
Center until you

look old enough to be a cop.

I am a cop.

Hey genius, why do you
think I'm making this offer?

Mr. Holier-than-thou,
that was me in those days.

And how about that haircut?

The first thing I
noticed about Tom Hanson

was his haircut.

Who is this guy, I thought.

Looks like somebody
out of dental school.

Of course, anybody would
have seemed square next

to our commanding
officer, Richard

Jenko, Captain Richard Jenko.

He was-- he was different.

Hey.

COMPUTER: Real different.

They called us the kiddie cops.

But he was the biggest
kid of them all.

Hey, can you
believe that guy, huh?

He could squeeze more
music out of a Stratocaster

than Eric Clapton, Jeff
Beck, and Alvin Lee

put together, man.

Jimmy was the best.

Too bad he had to
throw it all away

on a short ride getting high.

I'm not familiar with him.

Who did he play with?

God.

Even now I can never
get used to funerals.

And back then it
was even tougher,

especially when a drunk driver
k*lled our commanding officer.

After Jenko passed, we got--

oh, bother.

It-- yeah, Phil--

Full-- Fuller, Adam Fuller.

You know, when I
walked into that place,

I could tell what
those kids expected was

a junior version of Rich Jenko.

What they got was
a different story.

Oh, I have no intentions
of taking Jenko's place.

You going to stick around?

Good luck.

One thing about Fuller, he
never took crap from anybody.

And he never gave
it out neither.

You always knew where you stood.

He was tough, all right.

No doubt about it.

But you know what I
remember the most?

His shirts.

I know when his
grandson, your captain,

talks about Fuller
today, he talks

about how he was the
best commanding officer

the force ever had.

This is true.

But let me tell you something
else, that man had style.

Course, Fuller wasn't the only
fine looking man on the force.

All three of the guys I worked
with were pretty gorgeous.

You'd think that would
have been a problem,

but it wasn't, not even the
one time it almost became one.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, I just thought
I needed to do that.

I guess not.

It's OK.

I can't believe I'm
kissing Doug Penhall.

Yeah.

I was worried about
how Doug would take it.

But you know what?

He was a perfect gentleman.

A total chump,
that's what it was.

Never had it so good.

What do I do?

Throw it away.

On the other hand, I
still have a friendship

with Jude that just won't quit.

And to this day,
Penhall means more to me

than all the people I met
in politics put together.

Given up the other
stuff was worth it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We showed good judgment.

And you know what?

Not a day passes when
I don't regret it.

Hmm, Hanson?

All I can say is this,
next to Tom Hanson,

even Abe Lincoln would look
corrupt, and modest too.

I was just doing my job.

I never thought of
it as anything else.

Looking back, I guess I did
tend to take things a bit

too seriously.

Oh, I'm talking dead
serious, that was Hanson.

Oh, he had a sense of humor.

But most of the
time he kept it hid.

I don't want to play amateur
psychologist or anything.

But I do think a
lot of what made

Hanson tick had to
do with his father

and what happened to him.

Two cops, huh?

Hey.

I've gotta make a pit stop.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

You sure?

You don't look so good.

What?

Have you been eating here?

[g*nsh*t]

I don't know why.

He's never late.

I had a really nice time.

You weren't such a bad dancer.

You weren't such a bad kisser.

Yeah?

We should do it again.

Sometime let's not wait
to Valentine's Day.

Okey dokey.

Finally.

Tommy?

Are you OK?

He only mentioned it once.

And when he did, he
seemed in control.

But I used to wonder
that's a heavy thing

for a teenager to handle.

See, I always thought about
Hanson as this very emotional

guy who kept it all under
the surface, you know,

like his sense of humor--

like his everything.

Well, all I can say is he
was just devoted to his job.

That's the kind
of cop Hanson was.

It's your basic Puritan ethic,
whatever else is going on,

work comes first.

And there ain't nothing
glamorous about it.

Sure, I felt that way.

Still do.

Not that I had a very
active personal life anyway.

And if he tells you that
he had no personal life,

don't believe him.

He was fighting them
off in the fourth grade.

Your offer is
accepted with pleasure.

You get the
picture, he got older,

they get more aggressive.

Look, why don't you
drive us to a coffee shop?

I'll buy you some waffles.

I don't want any waffles.

All right, then drive
us to the florist.

I'll buy you some flowers.

I don't want any flowers.

All right, then, drive
me to my apartment.

I'll let you make love to me.

I don't want--

And they didn't
mince words, neither.

Go lock the door.

Do it.

Like I said, if he tells you
otherwise, don't believe him.

I was never much with
the ladies, believe me.

Even as a kid, I caught hell.

Kind of light on
your feet, ain't you?

And the situation didn't
improve as I got older.

I remember a bus came
into our office last year,

and this was a
major cr*ck dealer.

We had a pound of coke
sitting in a locker.

And this idiot undercover
cop totally mishandled

the continuity of evidence.

I couldn't even file.

That was you?

You busted that
kid in Piedmont?

You get the picture.

Penhall used to
say that I had all

the luck, which
proves that reality

is just a point of view.

My favorite case--

you're fresh out of the
academy, still full of dreams.

I understand that.

I've been there myself.

I also understand why
you're so into all

this ancient Jump
Street history.

You want to get something
going just like it, right?

Like you said,
still full of dreams.

Good, good, good.

Because when our dreams go, the
best part of us goes with them.

Still, when you asked me
what my favorite case was,

you made it sound like it
was some sort of recipe.

Anyway, I didn't
have a favorite case.

Of course, there were some
I got into more than others.

Come here.

yeah, you, son.

Come here.

Do this.

Do this line.

Go ahead, do it.
- Do what?

Do this line.

Just say it.

He's perfect.

He looks just like a cop.

Looks like a cop?

I'm not an actor.

Neither is he.

Look, just say the line, OK?

Don't try and act it.

Just say the line.

Don't even try and act.

You got some ID, punk?

All right, now say it
again with a little attitude,

like you're really saying it
to me, like you really hate me.

Got some ID, punk?

That was great.

I'm in heaven.

No, no I told you
already, I'm not an actor.

Hey, you get $ .

You've got some ID, punk?

Hey.

DIRECTOR: Cut.
Print.

Don't k*ll the star.

OK, folks we're in
the wrong place.

Let's get moving.

Going undercover meant I had
to play a role all the time.

Still, that movie director
said I was a natural.

A natural?

I ham is more like it.

Doug always did
love the limelight.

The more exposure,
the more excitement,

that was his attitude.

I was-- I was the opposite.

[music playing]

(SINGING) I am the demon seed.

I'll set your senses free.

You need the demon seed.

I am the one you need.

Cry, day and night.

Keep it out of sight.

break all the rules,
don't act like fools.

Beg--

All I kept thinking
through the whole ordeal

was Penhall would love this.

And he would have.

Oh sure, Penhall
loved to clown around.

That's why my
nightmare assignment

was tailor-made for him.

Did everyone remember
to look both ways?

Yes.

Get up on the corner, OK?

Come on over here.

Now, what do you do if a
stranger offers you a ride?

Never take a ride
from a stranger.

Very good.

How did you ever get to
be Officer Milk Carton?

I've been asking myself that.

Hey.

Hey, stop that man.

Stay here.

Police, hold it.

I'm not saying Penhall wouldn't
have done the same thing.

The difference is, he would have
posed for photos afterwards.

Oh, yeah.

Penhall really threw himself
into his work, no question

about it.

And since he also had what you'd
call a extroverted personality,

a combination well, let's
just say that sometimes he

got a little too gung-ho.

Hey Tom, man.

I think you're a real class act.

I mean, is this an
exceptional cop, or what?

A guy who puts his own pain, his
own anger in front of a case.

Juice.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I mean, a guy who takes a
b*llet in his right butt cheek.

Hey Tom, man, we're
going to get him.

It's that simple.

Look, a guy who sh**t a cop is
the lowest scum of the earth.

I want to take this
guy down, captain.

And I want to take him down now.

Excuse me, Captain.

Got this from ballistics.

There was no one down at the
chapel so I sh*t down here.

They said you need
it right away.

You're going to
love this, Dead Eye.

You read this, Sal?

Well, yes, I read it.

I was concerned about
Hanson's health.

How are you, Hanson?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Look what they did to him.

Doug?

Yeah?

The b*llet they dug out of
Hanson came from your g*n.

I've got a little
present for you.

Doug, come on.

No, no, no, I wanted to.

Here, here, here.

I hope you don't
have one already.

Ta-da!

It's very nice.

What is it?

It's a pillow.

Where's the rest of it?

No, it's supposed
to be like that.

Is for guys who have--

What?

Hemorrhoids.

Hope I don't already have one?

Make this go away.

OK, I'll put it over here
in case you change your mind.

It's right here, all right?

Great.

What?

I feel bad, you know,
with this mess and all?

Just don't worry about it, OK?

Well see, you know, I--

I-- I-- feel stupid.

You-- you don't
know how sorry I am.

Doug, I know you're sorry.

You know how I know?

You've apologized times.

You cleaned my desk,
you washed my car,

you brought a whoopie cushion.

You sharpened all my pencils.

Any of them need
re-sharpening?

No.
No.

Well it's just that--

you know, sh**ting
your own partner is

just a very stupid thing to do.

You got to be a
little mad at me.

Well, I'm not.

Oh, you gotta to be.

No, I don't gotta be.

You know, it's very unhealthy
to keep this stuff pent up.

You should let the steam
off, get it off your chest.

All right, all right.

I sharpen my own
pencils, pal, understand?

No one sharpens my
pencils but me, no one.

- Then you are a little mad.
- Of course I'm mad.

You sh*t me in the ass.

Now you know why I say that as
much as I love Doug Penhall,

there were times when he gave
me a real pain in the ass.

[false laughter]

Hanson's been using
that line for years.

And Penhall still
doesn't think it's funny.

I guess he feels guilty.

He shouldn't.

I had worse happen, much worse.

They don't pay me
enough for this.

Yeah, pantyhose
are so expensive.

All right, keep
your heads down, guys.

Got someone coming up behind us.

Hanson looked good in drag.

You should have seen Ioki
in the same situation.

Oh come on, you
know I care about you.

I appreciate you putting
me up and all that.

You sure got a funny
way of showing it.

Well, I admit that I'm a
little lousy in the feeling

department.

But the truth is, I don't know
what I would have done if you

hadn't been there for me.

You forgive me?

Well--

Oh, come on.

Give me a little kiss, come on.

Right here.

I don't want to.

I'll still respect you.

It will make us
both feel better.

How about a handshake?

OK, sure.

If you're thinking what
I think you're thinking,

you're right.

I was one ugly woman.

Sure, we-- we--

we complained and moaned
about that sort of stuff.

But it was all in fun.

I can remember cases that
were no laughing matter.

That's my brother's seat.

I need to know if it's
true that you k*lled someone.

Let's say it is,
which is even more

reason for you not to be here.

Would you do it again?

I don't know.

I suppose if I had to.

Why, what's up?

Would you do it for money?

Diane, I don't think
you want to do this.

I have $ , saved.

All I want to know is
if you'll k*ll someone.

You've done it before.

Diane, what's up?

Somebody give you a
hard time in study hall?

Give it a couple of days.

It'll pass.

I have $ , saved.

That's all I have.

I want to give it to you
if you'll k*ll my father.

Look, I can bring the
money in tomorrow.

You try to steel yourself,
to think of it as just a job.

After a while, you
get pretty good at it.

You OK?

What are you doing?

Well you fell asleep
during the movie, Hanson,

so I put some music on.

Where's the tape?

Hanson, that tape is sick.

I can't believe you're watching
a tape of your girlfriend

getting k*lled.

Where's the tape?

You've seen it enough, man.

Where is it?

I'm taking it back.

Where-- where did you
even get that tape?

You're not even
supposed to have it.

It's police evidence.

I'm a police officer.

Hanson, what else could you
possibly see on this tape?

It's the same ending,
I promise you.

How many times
have you seen this?

times.

But I don't watch
the whole tape.

I watch . seconds.

Come on.

Come on.

Amy?

. seconds slipped
through my fingers.

. seconds where
I could have done

a thousand different things.

But I didn't move.

[g*nsh*t]

The only things you
can do in . seconds,

you can take off your
shoes, pop a beer,

and sh**t someone
in . seconds.

Come on, Hanson.

You can hold your finger
down on the remote control

and pass stations
in . seconds.

You can open a can
of tuna fish, shuffle

and bridge a deck of cards, or
twist the tops off six bottles

of ginger ale in . seconds.

Hanson, please.

You can ring a doorbell
times, lock and unlock

a deadbolt four times, or
sing the entire alphabet

in . seconds.

Hanson, please.

Please.

I don't know
about anyone else,

but no matter how good I,
got there were times when

I thought my heart would break.

[chanting]

Our kids are not being subjected
to the risk of a disease

that the doctors don't
even know how it spreads.

We're going to stay
here all day every day

until they get our message.

Hey, hey, Tom.

Right here, man.

They got enough
room for us, yeah?

Right guys?

You don't mind, do you?

Come on.

You've got plenty
of lunchtime left.

Where are you going?

All right, I'll catch
you guys after school.

You know Laverne, you think
someone in your situation

would be one to make friends
instead of losing people.

You really think I'll make
friends with these guys?

Their parents are the ones
outside holding the signs.

God forbid I kiss one
of their daughters.

Not a chance, trust me.

Yeah, you're a
real tough guy, huh?

You and James Dean?

This cowboy wants to die alone.

Look, first, I
don't want to die.

And second, from what I
get, everyone dies alone.

There's-- there's no way
to chaperone, Hanson.

Just you.

Just you and your stuff.

How about God?

yeah, well, I guess
I'll have to let

you know on that one, huh?

Look, I wasn't always such
a horse's ass, you know?

I hope not.

But dead men
don't make friends

easily, especially
with kids who think

they're never going to die.

Like you, like everybody
in here but me.

I just wish they weren't so
afraid to just even touch me.

Nobody touches me anymore, man--

not my dad, hardly even my mom.

That's the worst part.

Yeah, I'm going to give
them a pair of rubber gloves

for their anniversary, huh?

I forgot my milk.

Here.

I don't--

I don't like chocolate.

Yeah, well, no one does.

Look, Hanson, there are
three ways to get AIDS--

blood transfusion or needles.

Well I don't use
needles and I've

never had a blood transfusion.

So figure it out.

[sobbing]
I don't want to die, man.

I know.

But I am.

I'm sorry.

Would you do me a favor?

Sure.

Just hold me, man.

[sobbing]

You're too young to
remember what AIDS was like.

Thank God they found a cure.

What did I do
after Jump Street?

I know what you're getting at.

And you're right.

Jump Street was
very special to me.

I had just come to this country.

So in a sense, it was
the beginning of my life.

But life goes on,
and so did HT Ioki.

I established a
self-defense school

specializing in martial arts.

I married and buried four wives.

I was a consultant in public
relations for the Immigration

and Naturalization Service.

After what I went through, we
had plenty to consult about.

Want to tell us
what's going on?

Merry Christmas, captain.

We have reason to believe
HT Ioki is an alias.

What are you, nuts?

And that this
gentleman may have

entered the country
illegally and committed fraud

in applying to the department.

Whoa, wait a second.

He's not HT Ioki?

Who the hell are you?

All right, Harry.

Let's start with
an easier question.

Where the hell are you from?

Vietnam.

- North or South?
- South?

What region?

Saigon.

What neighborhood?

Khan Nat Street.

Over there at the embassy?

You know that's
not where it is.

I meant by the Ritz.

Closer to the central market.

At the Caravelle Hotel?

Not such a good neighborhood.

We did all right.

[explosions]

Hell, Harry steal a little
bit, and I don't blame him.

Yeah, today Asia owns America.

Even movies made in Hollywood
are dubbed in English

from the original Japanese.

But back then it was different.

Harry came here, risked
his life on a daily basis

for his country.

And all of a sudden
some government stooge

tells him that it
isn't his country.

I guess what Ioki
did after Jump Street

was sort of similar to me.

In a sense, we were
we were both trying

to get back what we'd lost.

I mean, Harry had lost
loved ones and so had I.

[MUSIC PLAYING - STING -
"FRAGILE"]

(SINGING) On and
on the rain will

fall like tears from the star,
like tears from the star.

On and on the rain
will see how fragile

we are, how fragile
we are, how fragile

we are, how fragile we are.

At the time it was
the end of the world.

But it was also the beginning.

Suddenly I had a
battle to fight,

and that had nothing
to do with Jump Street,

and something to
believe in again.

If someone had said Penhall
would become a reverend, then

the head of the most prominent
human rights organization

in the world, I would have
busted him for possession.

Oh, I'd run into Reverend
Penhall all the time.

And it wasn't by
accident either.

He'd corner me in the
court or demanding passage

of another human rights bill.

He'd reel off statistics like
they were national foot--

international football
leagues, of course.

I never told him so,
but except for the time

that he wanted me to
deport Jesse Helms,

he always had my vote.

Of all the senators,
Jude was the softest touch.

See, she trusted me.

So she knew I wasn't
trying to trick her.

And of course, she
cared about the cause,

almost as much as I did.

Today ethics is an SAT word.

But for Doug Penhall,
it was a way of life.

Ethics, schmethics.

Look at what Penhall's
clean conscience got him,

a single room in a
golden era rest home

and a rubber chicken
tribute dinner twice a year.

I have him out to the
house once in a while.

But he always gets lost in it.

By the time the
butler finds him,

he's so confused he
thinks we're in a hotel.

[chuckling] Granted, it's
an easy mistake to make

when you're in a -room home.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Sal's crooker rich.

Star Maintenance, we
maintain the stars.

That's his company.

I liked those guys.

They were like family to me.

Of course, now I got more family
than I know what to do with.

Last time I tried to keep
track of my great grandkids,

I stopped counting at around .

From our last reunion.

I like to think of
it as a dynasty--

the Kennedys, the
Rockefellers, the Corleones.

What do you think, huh?

Nice.

Sure I was happy for Sal.

He's a family man, I like that.

- Are you one too?
- One what?

A family man?

I mean, you know, after Jump
Street you settled down,

raised a family?

Yes, I did.

I spent years on the force.

And I don't mind talking
about them to a kid who

reminds me of me in those days.

But what I did off
duty is my business.

My private life is private.

I didn't mean to pry, sorry.

And I didn't mean
to bite your head off.

But let's just stick
to the subject.

Of course, Mr. Hanson.

Tom.

"Mr."

is for men you don't
know or don't like.

You know, I'm glad you did this.

I-- I haven't thought
of Jump Street in years.

I'm afraid when I did, it
wasn't with much fondness.

But you know, when
all is said and done,

we really did have some
good times together.

Oh, boy, look at
all these stairs.

Going so fast.

Slow down, son.

All right.

Hey, I talked to
Captain Fuller--

my Captain Fuller.

And I told him about
talking to you guys.

He said a program just like Jump
Street wouldn't be a bad idea.

Well, it would make
his granddad proud.

That's what I told him.

You know, this time I think
he was really listening--

Right here.

Right here?

Here.

What's with the act?

Well, it's just
that I don't think

that this is where it was.

Well this is
Jump Street, isn't it?

Well, who can tell?

I mean, does anybody
see an address?

What am I, Bell Telephone?

I came here every day
of my life for years.

You think I don't
know where it is?

At least I don't get lost
going to a shuffleboard game.

Well now, who told you that?

Myrtle Goldblatt said she'd--

Myrtle Goldblatt is
on too much medication.

Do you think that I
don't know my own way

around my senior citizen center?

TOM HANSON: Well,
I didn't say that.

DOUG PENHALL: Well,
what did you say then?

TOM HANSON: Since when
are you so sensitive?

DOUG PENHALL: Sensitive?

Who's calling you an old snook
who can't find his way around?

TOM HANSON: I have not
called you an old snook yet.

I may call you an old codger.

DOUG PENHALL: You
get on my nerves.

TOM HANSON: Codger.

DOUG PENHALL: Always
have gotten on my nerves.

TOM HANSON: Codger.

DOUG PENHALL: I'll race you
to that pole, you old kook.

TOM HANSON: I am
unfortunately under repair

in the knee section.

I've got to-- you're
racing already.

You didn't say go.

Wait.

[MUSIC PLAYING - HOLLY
ROBINSON, " JUMP STREET"]

(SINGING) We never thought we'd
find a place where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone.

We'll never let you fall.

Don't need permission to
decide what you believe.

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

Jump.

Jump.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You're gonna need us because
there's no one else to call.

When it was hopeless, a
decision's what you need.

You better be ready
to-- be ready to jump.

Jump Street.