04x18 - Awomp-Bomp-Aloobomp-Aloop-Bamboom

[bunniefuu]

[MOVIE ON TV - "THE FATAL GLASS
OF BEER"]

PA SNAVELY: And it ain't a fit
night out for man or beast.

Tell me about it.

Hey, Kennedy, you handymen
fix the heating in this igloo?

I'm working on it.

Actually, I read in
"National Geographic"

that igloos are quite toasty.

You know what you can
do with your toasty.

I want heat.

I want fire.

I want a vacation.

Can you believe Sal
has two weeks off?

Think of what you could
do with two weeks off.

And he's in Florida.

Oh, the sun.

The beaches.

Busch Gardens.

Either you're all
suffering from cabin fever

or the pods have taken over.

Captain, I want to know
why Sal got a vacation.

Doesn't detective out
rank maintenance engineer?

I have seniority.

I need it the most.

You?

I was stuck in Folsom Prison.

Sal put in for his
time off over a year ago.

Then I want to
sign up right now.

[interposing voices]

Hey, hey, hey.

second timeout, guys.

Look, all right, I know
it's that time of year.

Everybody goes through it,
and this weather is not

helping anything, but cheer up.

Summer break is right
around the corner.

No, Captain, summer
break is around the corner

and down the road.

My brain's turning
to chocolate pudding.

Exactly.

[interposing voices]

Forget it.

School is in mid semester,
you're all on cases,

nobody's going anywhere
except back to work.

And besides, I am the
ranking officer here,

if anybody gets out
of his Frigidaire,

you're looking at him, pals.
- What?

Oh, that's totally--

Oh, yeah, right.

Well, tell it to The Onion.

You leave, I leave.

Then nobody's leaving.

[MOVIE ON TV - "THE FATAL GLASS
OF BEER"]

PA SNAVELY: Drat his hide.

MA SNAVELY: He wants more
money, and if he don't get it--

PA SNAVELY: I think I'll
go out and milk the elk.

[interposing voices]

[theme music]

THEME SONG: We
never thought we'd

find the place where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone,
we'll never let you fall.

Don't need permission to
decide what you believe.

Oh, I said jump
down on Jump Street.

I said jump down on Jump Street.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You'll find you need us because
there's no one else to call.

When it was hopeless, a
decision is what you need.

You've got to be ready
to, be ready to jump.

Jump Street.

And so while the European
hard liners crumble to the sell

out Gorbachev, we, the North
American Workers Front,

keep Marx and
Lenin's fire aflame.

Break your chains,
question authority.

Release the bowels of
imperialistic roughage.

Lance the capitalism boil.

So while other b*llet headed
Bourgeois college dodes are

on the pilgrimage to Florida
petrifying their livers,

tonight we initiate two
comrades into the struggle.

Let's cough up those
membership dues, Comrades.

Could you cover me?

This is for me and my friend.

Stand up.

Take out your credit cards.

Players International?

Well, he's got
Short Guys are Us.

It's men's apparel.

There's four outlets.

Cut them.

Rescind your capitalist habits.

Join the revolution.

All right, give me your bag.

Man, this is the kind of
manipulation we fight against.

Like the college
paper you guys blew up.

Welcome to the struggle.

No, no, no.

[non-english speech].

[non-english speech].

[non-english speech].

[non-english speech].

This helps.

Yeah, New Orleans.

It's hot as hell down there.

Listen up, everybody.

Guys, I've thought some more
about this vacation issue.

I, um, I really can't
afford to let you all go.

Not that I want to turn law
enforcement into a contest,

but whichever team can wrap
up their case first cleanly,

can have a week off.

Play ball.

That's just great.

We just get initiated
into the Worker's Front.

It could be weeks.

Maybe Judy and Harry aren't
that far along in their case.

Don't even try it.

Yes.

What is this, your first best?

Hey, shut up.

You are under arrest.

[non-english speech].

Ashley.

He's making his move.

I'm gonna call
the travel agent.

Alexander Hamilton?

What?

Pardon?

Round trip for
Alexander Hamilton.

Money.
Money.

$ ?

No. $ .

For both.

Nice having you, boys.

Where do you
think we're going?

How far could it
be? $ , across town?

Hey.

What are you two doing here?

We followed you.

Why?

We want to be a
part of your struggle.

No, you don't.

I'm on a mission.

No, we're with you.

There's nothing you
can do to stop us.

Are all these people
part of your mission?

Hell no.

This bus is run by the Algebraic
Life and Enlightenment Church.

They've reduced life to some
pseudo mathematical equation.

They offer cheap rates
to college students,

and then once they're on board,
Mr. Bean brainwashes them

with starvation techniques.

Oh.

Hello.

I'll be glad to stow
your personal property.

That's OK.
I got mine.

A rule's a rule.

Give me that.

Welcome aboard.

I'm starving.

It's been six hours.

I'm dreaming about that
candy bar in my knapsack.

Don't think about it.

We're almost there.

Where's there?

We passed Baltimore hours ago.

I want to suck the jelly
out of a jelly filled donut,

and let the chocolate
from a peanut butter cup

melt into the dough.

Shut up.

Just shut up now, because
you're scared and confused.

Focus.

That was your stomach.

Well, you made
me think about it.

This is inhuman.

We should arrest Mr. Bean.

For what?

Hoarding Snickers bars?

Good morning.

What's your name?

Tom.

Hi, Tom.

How are you?

I'm a little hungry.

I'll give you
$ for a corn nut.

$ .

You've obviously been
thinking about this.

Would you like a Slim Jim?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, man.

Don't listen to that crap.

No, no, Lance,
listen, it's like this.

We're all on this bus and
that's like a factor of x,

and we're talking, and
that's a factor of y.

And by using this,
we can predict--

[groaning]

I want a sandwich
right freaking now.

May I remind you,
young man, that you're

a guest on this bus, and
you'll act accordingly.

- No, I won't.
- Come on--

Where's my stuff?

[interposing voices]

A, and that's
B, Mr. Bean is C.

Get back to your
seat this instant.

Do it, Doug, do it.

[cheering]

Do it for the masses.

We're gonna get
thrown off this bus.

Damn control freaks.

That guy was kind of strange,
but you got to admit he sort--

Now, now, now, if math
is, like, life, then, like,

I'm totally screwed up.

I got a C in geometry.

Really?

Because, you know, I've always--

I've always seen life as sort of
like an equilateral triangle is

like--

We gotta get him a burrito.

He's really losing it.

Hey, you know, Doug, I
was proud of you back there.

You and I, we're a lot alike.

You care and you won't let the
power bring harm to people.

Well, speaking of which,
listen, this mission we're on,

it's not going to
hurt anybody, is it?

If anybody'll get
hurt, it'll be me.

Hop on in, boys, unless you's
a commie, a queen, or a cop.

Come on.

Where you headed?

Spring break.

Spring break, all
right, let's go.

I get the front.

I got longer legs than you.

[interposing voices]

Florida, home
of the hurricane.

Look at that water.

Look at that, wind surfing.

Howdy.

Ho.

Howdy.

Hey, man, where are the
girls of spring break?

Hell, they're anywhere,
just open up your eyes, son.

They're anywhere you look.

All right, well,
just stop then, OK?

Just let us off anywhere.

I'll let you off right here.

Whole herd of girls here.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Have a good time.

I got a friend who's brother
works at one in Honolulu,

and I think I can get a
room overlooking Mamala Bay.

I'm gonna go visit
a girl in San Diego.

Hotel Del Coronado.

Jump Street, Fuller.

Who?

Yeah, I'll accept the charges.

Hanson.

You and Penhall followed him?

Right.

No, I'm afraid to ask.
Yeah, sure.

Give me a clue.

Ponce de Leon?

You have found the
fountain of youth.

Florida?

No way.

They better not be.

Hold it.

You guys had better
be pulling my leg.

Talk to me.

Lance.

Yes, that's three French
poodles and a box of q-tips.

Thank you.

Hans-- Laurel and Hardy.

We called all
the crappy motels.

They're all booked
ahead of time.

All right, well, listen,
guys, I got some good news

and I got some bad news, so
which one you want first?

Lance, we really
hate this game.

How about the good news.

All right, well, I found us
a room in a motel down there.

Tom?

What's the bad news?

Chug, chug, chug.

Hey, roomie, come on over.

Kick back, grab yourself a brew.

You know, I'm not
positive, but this

could be my living hell.

Dude.

Check it out.

It's a counting game.

But you have to leave out
sevens or multiples of seven

or you're down a frosty mug.

It's kind of like
collegiate flashcards.

They're on their th round.

.

.

.

Whoo.

.

Check it out.

It's not just the drinking game,
but a mental exercise as well.

So while they're
developing their brain cells,

they're also k*lling
them at the same time.

We're from Harvard.

You?

What's the matter you?

That sounds familiar.

Who do I know that goes there?

I gotta torque one.

You better hurry
up, one of these guys

might need a ride on
the porcelain choo choo.

.

.

So what the hell is Lance
doing down here anyway?

Obviously not to meet
with this brain trust.

I don't know.

What do you think
his mission is?

Cuba's Very close.

He's a spy.

Well, Falcon and the Snowman.

Lance starts putting masking
tape X's on telephone poles,

keep an eye out for Castro.

I'll do that.

Hey, check it out.

We're really bummed
because we thought there'd

be like beaucoup quasar
here, but like the ratio

of guys to girls is to .

But yesterday-- yesterday, we
ran into this major babeage.

These girls, huh?

These girls are here.

Whoa, but at least
you're on it, right?

All these girls were b*tches
except this one right here.

This one, she's on a mission.

Really, where's you see them?

Hotel not too far from here.

Which one?

It was like two
blocks down, three up.

It's a big high rise deal.

You can't miss it.

Two blocks down, three up.

Yeah.

I think.

You think or you're sure?

I was pretty zonked yesterday.

On the game, I made it to , .

For a long time, I
thought I was in Morocco.

That's not the
way it works, bud.

The guy at the desk said that
we each pay half of the room.

No, no, he said, we
get it free for having

to split it with you.

Yeah, well, then you
are sadly mistaken.

Doug?

Let's not get defensive now.

Not at all.

There's no way I'm paying
more than half for the room.

- We've been here all week, man.
- No, I'm not going to--

There seems to be a
little problem here.

We thought we we're
supposed to pay for half.

Yeah, and there's no way
I'm paying more than half.

There's no way.

Hey, forget it, man.

Once we heard you were paying
for the room, we took the cash

and invested.
- Invested?

Oh.

Tell you what.

We'll play the seven's game,
whoever passes out, gets out.

- Go ahead.
- No, no, no.

Well, I'm bad at drinking.

I'm bad at math.

You guys play quarters?

Do it, Doug.

.

- .
- .

- .
- .

.

.

- .
- .

- .
- .

.

.

No sevens, you guys said.

And multiples of seven.

I didn't know that.

Ignorance is no excuse
for breaking the law.

It's the law.

It's the law.

It's the law.

Chug, chug, chug.

I'll go get the bags.

No, wait.

I got it.

.

.

- .
- .

.

.

- .
- .

.

.

.

Chug, chug. chug.

OK, Champ Man, you had enough.

Let's throw in the towel.

.

.

You're out of here, Quimby's.

No.
I got it.

I got to go.

I'm on a mission.

I've got to cruise the strip.

We don't have a car,
and even if we did,

you couldn't drive it.

I'll walk.

You'll walk?

I'll walk.

You'll walk it off?

Am I walking?

Yes, you're walking.

Two over.

Three up.

So now, I'm lost.

Do you mind?

[vomiting]

Hey.

Man, you got any gum?

No.

Watch the-- you got to--

never mind.

Is your hand clean?

Yeah.

I bet that chili
burger tasted a lot

better when it was going down.

Man, I'm telling
you, if I live,

I'm never going to drink again.

And this time you
really mean it, right?

I'm telling you, man, yeah.

OK, OK, come on.

We're almost there, man.

So, Lance, about this
pilgrimage, what's the deal?

Are we going to see like
the Dalai Lama or something?

I can't find my eyeballs.

Well, they're there.

Breathe that way.

Stop with the water
wienie, come on.

Stop, stop.
Go over there.

Come on.
Go over there.

Geez.
Come on already.

Go, go, go.

Go.

Stop.

Pen?

Comrade Banducci.

Watch out for the thing here.

What are you doing here?

Yes.

Well, my good friend
Lance and I are

on a very important crusade.

Lance, this is good old buddy
of mine Salvador Banducci.

The last time I met you
was May Day Parade --

- .
- .

That's right.

Comrade Banducci, I heard
about you in the movement.

You have?

Yeah, it's a pleasure to mee--

Likewise. is this--

what this-- does comrade
Fuller know about this?

Yeah, Lance is feeling
the hair of the dog.

Would it be all right if
he went in and laid down.

Yes.

Sure.

Come on in.

All right, here we go.

Watch your step.

Ma, get off the couch.

Boy, you know, you are lost.

Your hotel's about
seven blocks that way,

and it's about three
blocks that way.

How'd you even get so lost?

I was looking for skeeball.

I was looking for an
arcade to play skeeball.

You're into skeeball?

- It's my life.
- Well, there's an arcade.

It's just a couple
blocks from here.

I can't even believe
you couldn't find it.

I am just drawn to it.

Drawn.

I mean, I could hear the
clack of those balls from miles.

The clack.

I've never met anybody
before with that same passion.

That's kism.

That's kism.
- It's kismet.

Kismet.

it's been awhile, you know?

Hey, this is going
to sound like a line,

but you look really familiar.

Like I've seen you
somewhere before, you know?

A past life?

No.

Separated at birth?

No.

Girls of spring break?

That's the one.

Yeah, well, if you never
want to mention that again,

it is just fine by me.

Well, you know,
you look good in it.

You look real good.

Thanks.

I just did it to
tick off some people.

Like my dad and my mom and
my old boyfriend, Lance.

They're just such
control freaks, you know?

I couldn't stand it.

I knew doing those
pictures would just

send them through the roof.

Plus, it's a free
week in Florida.

Lance, huh?

That's your old boyfriend?

He doesn't think so, but I do.

He became a leftist
radical in college just

to drive his parents crazy.

Sounds like you
two are a lot alike.

But the thing is he
tried to control me.

Lance did the same thing to
me that his father did to him.

Well, I think we
ought to get back.

Let's go.

We'll trade in the
tickets, and we'll

get fuzzy dice and big
combs and furry animals--

Are you that way?

What?

You have to be in control?

No, I let people do
what they want, you know.

Well, I'll walk you home then.

I wouldn't want you to get lost.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

We're not doing anything.

We're on strike.

They weren't
joking, were they?

Who?

Look, guys, I'm sure
there's an explanation.

I mean, Hanson and
Penhall wouldn't--

Let me tell you something.

If I don't make
my trip to Hawaii,

heads will roll, mister.

Whoa.

I just had an ex-wife flashback.

And I'm with her %.

Wait a minute, Judy.

[non-english speech].

, .

, .

I'm looking for my friends.

Have you seen my friends?

We kicked them out
of here hours ago.

Or was that yesterday?

Did they leave a note?

No, man.
Now get out of here.

You're messing me up.

, --

Thanks for bringing me back.

You know, I think I might know
where your friends would be.

Where?

Well, it's Thursday night and
there's only one place everyone

goes and that 's [inaudible].

OK.

Hey, put that down.

Stop hitting your Uncle Doug.

Stop.

How you feeling?

You know, you get a
good night's sleep,

your head won't feel
like a medicine ball.

No, it's something else.

The mission?

Sometimes I just want to quit.

It's never too late.

Then I think about her.

Her?

My girlfriend.

That's the reason
I came down here.

You're not here
to b*mb something?

What?

Excuse me, I'm a little
confused about this.

Didn't the Workers Front
b*mb the school paper?

No, man, some
chemicals caught on fire.

We took the credit
for publicity.

No, to tell you the
truth, man, I only

became a communist
radical because that would

offend my parents the most.

I wanted to make them mad, but
the only person who got mad

was Ashley.

That's my girlfriend.

She didn't-- she
didn't care for radicals?

You know, who does really?

No, but the real
reason she got mad was

because in trying to
assert my freedom,

I was stepping all over hers.

You know, man, I would
give up all this crap just

to have her back.

I know how you feel.

You got a girlfriend?

I'm married.

She's away.

What, you're separated, huh?

Where is she?

Yeah.

Separated.

This is her.

You know, I have stared
at this picture for hours.

You know, I've memorized it.

Not just her, but her
handwriting, you know?

The way she curls her S's.

The way she writes her L's.

Man, I miss her.

Maybe she feels the
same way about you?

God, I only wish.

Does she ever think is he OK?

What's he doing?

Is he all right?

I don't know.

Let's go find out, Comrade.

You asked for it.

Penrod's, this is what
everyone who's anyone

comes on Thursdays.

- Packed.
- Packed.

Don't worry, I'm like
this with the owner.

Like what?

Like this.

[interposing voices]
ANNOUNCER: Yes!

Only in America.

And there's the bell
ending another round.

Let's give these
lovely gals a hand.

You sure you want to be here?

Yeah.

It's kind of like
watching a car wreck.

I'm gonna go get some sodas.

[bell ringing]

Wait, wait.

Hold on a second.

Is there any way you can give
this note to that guy sitting

over there with the hat on?

Let's see if the girls
can keep that pressure up

as we enter the second round.

backed into

Sal, this is gross, man.

Can I get a napkin?

Thanks.

That's her writing.

That's her writing.

What's going on?

I think I saw your friends.

Really, where?

They go on this bus.

You've got to stop that bus.

Why?

That bus is for couples only.

What?

The bus is for
couples that don't

want to drive after drinking.

All right, well,
where does it go?

Make Out Beach.

Oh my god.

Heat.

And that ain't all.

Welcome to my island.

Hit it.

Come, come, come,
come, come, come, come.

Rainbows, lollipops, and--
listen, guys, listen.

Hanson and Penhall did
not call, so no vacation,

but since you
can't go to Hawaii,

I have brought Hawaii to you.

This is very nice.

Well, pass the sunblock.

So you see your
friends anywhere?

No.

Maybe we should just go back?

What do you think?

No, I'd like to stay
for a little while.

Yeah.

OK.

Well, what do you
feel like doing?

I'd like to make some s'mores.

OK.

Hey, Sal, he's out here.

What are you doing out here?

What's the matter with you?

Pineapple, you missed a very
good knock out in there.

I saw her.

She left with your friend
Tom to Make Out Beach.

Well, where's that?

Forget it, Doug.

It's too far.

You don't just forget
things like that.

Hey, hey, you, official
police business.

I'm commandeering your vehicle.

Come on, buddy, off the bike.

Please?

Thank you.

Come on.

You gotta lose some weight.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing.

You thinking about
your old boyfriend?

No.

We can go back if you want.

We can go back.

Do you think maybe you could
find a blanket or something?

A blanket?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll go find a blanket.

I'll be right back.

- What are you doing?
- What am I doing?

Hi, Sal, what's he doing?

- He's playing Cupid.
- I don't need Cupid.

I need keys.
- It's not for you.

Who's it for?

Mr. Bean was right.

A plus B minus C equals AB.

What's he talking about?

I'm sorry to tell
you this, friend, but--

You're C.

Do you want to dance?

Yeah.

Look, I know I've been a
real jerk, and I'm sorry.

OK?

Dance?

Are you asking me
or are you telling me?

Come on.

Really?

That's why we came down here.

That was our mission.

Well, why is it
so important to you

that they got back together?

Mission accomplished.

Good work, man.

Sal, do they have the title
bouts in the jello boxing?

Heavyweight championship.

It's good to see you, Sal.

You been sitting
here all night?

Huh?

What are you staring at?

Look.

I'm sorry I messed
you up last night.

Oh, no, look, listen, I--

that girl, she was nice and all.

I liked her, but
it's not a problem.

At first, I thought Lance
was like this major nutcase.

And now, I kind of respect
him for what he did.

I'm thinking I should
do the same thing.

What are you talking about?

I'm going to go get her.

Doug, being in Florida is
one thing, and that's all fine.

You're talking about
going to El Salvador

to find a girl you
knew for five days.

This country's at w*r there.

I'll never be closer.

Well, if you want
to go there, you know,

I'll go with you, if you want.

Thanks.

[music playing]