05x02 - Back to School

[bunniefuu]

[jazzy music playing]

Come on, kid.

You don't want to be late
for your first day at school,

do you?

I hate it, I hate it.

Come on.

What, are you going to stay
at home your whole life?

Yeah!

[sigh]

[jazzy music playing]

Mrs. Bartlett, they're
looking up Jeanne's dress.

BARTLETT: Thank
you, Mr. Garrett.

You'll make a fine
policeman someday.

Now you boys stop that!

Stop it!

TEACHER: Go ahead, Dean.

"The outlook wasn't brilliant
for the Mudville nine that day.

The score stood
four to two, with

but one inning more to play."

[upbeat music]

Oh, Kati--

How many valentines did you get?

Enough.

I even got one from Bill Woods.

- Liar!
- Oh, yeah?

Let me see--

--hey!

This isn't how
he writes his name.

You probably just
bought it yourself.

Did not.

- Did so.
- Did not.

Did so.

- Hey, it's not from him--
- --give it back--

--he wouldn't write you a--

[rock music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

Garrett.

I've arranged a
transfer of papers.

Transfer?

We just got here.

Where are you
shipping me now, man?

th?

th precinct?

Franklin Delano
Roosevelt High School.

Oh, presidents.

What is this?

C-minus, man?

You know, I aced
geometry, Captain.

Ah, and history?

What is this?

English, too?

Oh, my God, man.

[chatter]

WOMAN: I need some
requisitions here.

Do you see any of them
lying around here anywhere?

[THEME - HOLLY ROBINSON,
" JUMP STREET"]

(SINGING) We never
thought of finding

a place where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone,
we'll never let you fall.

Don't need permission to
decide what you believe.

Ooh, I said, jump!

Down on Jump Street.

I said, jump!

Down on Jump Street.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You'll find you need us, 'cause
there's no one else to call.

When it looks hopeless a
decision's what you need.

You better be ready
to-- be ready to jump!

Jump Street.

[soft dramatic music]

You know I've been
driving past this house

for a long time.

Every time I drive
past, I say to myself--

that is going to be my house.

I don't know why, I just--

I just can't believe it's
actually on the market.

It's my dream house.

How much are they asking?

$ , .

Hanson and Penhall shut down
the major supplier at Roosevelt

about three months ago.

So, why are we going in?

First rule of business
is find a hole and fill it.

Someone's filling the
hole at Roosevelt. Look,

it looks like a
pretty simple case.

It'll give you a chance
to get your feet wet,

reacquaint yourself
with high school.

Captain, these-- these
grades are pretty average.

Am I supposed to do this bad?

You planning on becoming
valedictorian, Garrett?

If I have to.

Don't attract attention.

In fact, I'm sending you
in as brother and sister.

That way it's easier to sell
two new kids transferring in

at the same time.

It's just a cover, Garrett.

I'm not going to be asking
to borrow your clothes.

No, I know.

I've been through high
school and everything,

I just never had a
brother or a sister.

I got our school supplies here.

Everything we need.

Wide ruled paper,
not college rule.

It's lines
less, plus it saves

from teachers who
won't accept papers

torn out of a spiral notebook.

Got your number two pencils--

Why are you so into this?

I see school supplies as
a reflection of who I am.

Then where's the crayons?

For you, we got finger paints.

I got you a folder
for each class.

Why don't you just get me one
of those three ring binders?

No, those are for geeks.

This is not a
reflection of who I am.

No, check it out.

These one's got sports
figures all in them.

You can color them in and
make them say stupid stuff.

They're cool.

Dean.

No offense, but I have
this picture of you--

corduroy pants, Wallabees
shoes, getting good grades--

and no friends.

Hey, I used to make my
spending money scalping

tickets at the Meadowlands, OK?

OK, Yes.

I had a three ring binder.

So what?

I just-- I wanted to do good.

Whatever I take on,
I want to be good at.

Don't you?

I want to be good
at getting the dealer.

I'm not interested in
making up for all the stuff

I lost in high school.

Here, Bic pens,
medium point, $ . .

You can chew on the cap.

They're light so
you can write fast.

Yep.

Opening up a new
pack of medium points

is like a whole
new start on life.

Get some therapy.

[alarm buzzing]

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[knock on door]

Hey.

Let's go.

Hey, where's your school
supplies, Mister Books Makes

the Man?

I left the rest home.

I decided they were uncool.

What is this?

This?

This is a cherry
red, , . liter,

high output throttle port fuel
injected Pontiac Trans Am.

Where's your tuna boat?

It's on ice.

I rented this.

Why?

Look at it.

There's no other
kid in school that's

going to have a car this hot.

Oh come on, lighten up.

I used to have to take
the bus to school.

There's no harm in
living out one fantasy.

[engine revving]

Thank you, Kati.

There's some seats in the back.

We have a brother and sister
transferring in today--

the Garnetts, Kati and Dean.

We all had to tell each
other about ourselves

at the beginning of
the year, so maybe--

I'm Dean, this is Kati.

We're from Moonachie,
New Jersey.

Our dad runs a light board
for Springsteen and Bon Jovi,

and our mom, you know,
she's a journalist for UPI.

So we were hanging in Europe
for the past six months.

She interviews heads
of state types--

Gorbachev, Mandela, the
Dalai Lama, you know.

My.

I don't know if we can ever
match such excitement here--

but perhaps our next assignment
will be so challenging it'll be

exciting in a different manner.

Let's hear it.

We have to find a poem we
like and recite it in class.

Well, you look like the type
of girl who'd be into E.E.

Cummings.

You've read
Cummings, Mr. Garnett?

Oh, yeah.

He's good.

He's real good.

Man, why didn't I have that
kind of nerve four years ago?

You'd have been voted most
likely to induce nausea.

And those are just the
guys that get the best girls.

Fuller said not to
attract attention--

or was it the Dalai Lama?

Where's your cat?

Or is this yours?

My wicked witch
landlady took him away.

Oh.

Oh, and whose are those?

Friend.

A boyfriend?

Did you do this much
investigating in school today?

I asked around.

Did you find our
connection in the library?

I was looking for a
poem to read in class.

Oh.

Well, you got your
education four years ago.

We're there for other reasons.

What, so you can
be the campus stud?

I'm just having a little fun.

What is with you, man?

You know, you act
like high school is

the last place you want to be.

Come on, think back, Kati.

The main thing that made high
school a bitch was homework,

and now we don't have to do any.

This is our chance
to do things right.

We're going to get
invited to parties.

Hell, I'm seriously considering
joining the basketball team.

I wouldn't know
about stuff like that.

I dropped out of high school.

Oh, hello, can I help you?

Oh, our world traveler.

[speaking french]

I don't-- I don't know
what the hell you're saying.

You didn't learn much
French in Paris, huh?

No, not much.

I said, come on in,
what can I do for you?

It's about the
poem assignment.

Yeah?

OK, I don't want to sound
like no idiot or nothing--

--an idiot.

What?

You used a double
negative-- actually a triple--

but we must all strive, correct?

I was in the library and I
found this poem by Shakespeare.

But I--

Why did you
choose Shakespeare?

Isn't that what
English is, Shakespeare?

English is a
term that educators

slap on to any subject so we all
know what we're talking about.

Shakespeare is not that.

Should I pick
something else, then?

Because I don't get this.

A lot of teachers would
say, pick something you know--

something you're
comfortable with.

But education is looking for
things that you don't know

and trying to--

to-- to understand them.

And a lot of students just
don't realize that until they're

out of school.

I'm trying.

I-- this has nothing
to do with me.

Well, do you ever get the
feeling as if you want to like

yourself, but the things
you do and the way you look,

you just can't?

Then you understand this poem.

OK, with a $ ,
down, your loan

will be for $ , amortized
over years at on .

Holy-- well, that's three
times what the house costs.

Some pretty grown
up figures there, huh?

Towering.

Now, Ms. Hoffs, it looks
like we have everything

and it all looks good.

Except for some boo-boos
on your credit report.

Boo-boos?

Sallie Mae?

You were late with your payment.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that was my student loan.

I was just two days late.

I think it was $ .

Late is late, Judy.

We'll need a letter
explaining this delinquency.

Well, I just told you, we
were on strike and I missed--

Good.

Put that in the letter.

Is this going to be a problem?

I mean, that was two years ago.

God, if I'd known--

If I had a dollar for every
time I heard "if I had known,"

I'd have enough money
to buy your house.

Your brother's a real Kreskin.

It's a kind word
for what he is.

- My name's Lina.
- Hi.

Kati.

Does he do that at home?

What?

LINA: Magic tricks and junk?

Everything but disappear.

Is it cool?

What?

Having him for a brother?

Well, I don't
watch him undress,

if that's what you mean.

No, no, no, no.

I mean, he's so funny and he's
nice and he's got a cool car.

Do you have a brother, Lina?

Yeah.

Yuck.

That's him, Alex.

Then you know what it's like.

My brother's the biggest
wasteoid on campus.

Where does he get his dr*gs?

You're not interested, I hope?

No.

No way.

I'm not interested.

Hey, sis.

I know someone who
has a crush on you.

Oh, yeah?
Is she bigger than a breadbox?

Yeah, and check
this out, brother--

it could really help our
case if you get close to her.

Really?

Well, then this is a good case.

I'm surprised you
even remember it.

What's the deal?

All right, her
brother's a heavy user.

I think we can use him
to get to our supplier.

Wait a second--

Brooke doesn't even
have a brother.

No, but Lina Aleksovski does.

Oh, no way, man.

Why don't you get close to her?

Girls tell their girlfriends
things they'd never

tell her boyfriends, right?

No, she wouldn't be my friend
if I was interested in dr*gs.

The only way to get close
like that is to date her.

Ouch.

[student chatter]

How you doing?

Hi.

Lina?

How'd you know my name?

Hey.

Look, I was wondering
if you didn't already

have a date for the
homecoming formal,

maybe you'd like to go with me?

- Me?
- Yeah.

You and me?

Yeah.

Um, OK.

Great.

Great.

Well, I'll talk to you
about it a little later, OK?

OK.

OK.

Dean-- hey, Dean.

Hi.

Hi.

I hope I don't sound like
I'm coming on too strong,

but I was wondering if you'd
go to the homecoming formal

with me?

Damn.

Brooke, I can't.

I already have a date.

Who?

Can't you break it?

No.

It's-- it's-- it's weird.

I work at the animal shelter.

Maybe you can come by and
we'll talk about what color

my dress will be so
your tux can match.

OK.

Excuse me.

Bye.

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

You go.

I have to do this.

You don't have to do this.

Right.

I want to do this.

What, are you trying
to learn something?

Come on, it's only high school.

I thought you said
the only classes

that taught you anything were
driver's ed and sex education.

Right?

Isn't that why you dropped
out in the first place?

What, did you get pregnant?

A teacher hit on me--

hard, OK?

I thought he was a friend.

Then-- I just
couldn't deal with it.

And now you can?

Yeah.

I've learned to live on my own.

Yeah.

That's definitely one
thing you've got down.

"Somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout,

but there is no
joy in Mudville--

mighty Casey has struck out."

Thank you, Dean.

There's nothing wrong
with an old standard.

Kati?

OK.

Don't freak out.

This is a sonnet by
William Shakespeare.

"No more be grieved at
that which thou hast done.

Roses have thorns, and
silver fountains, mud.

Clouds and eclipses
stain both moon and sun,

and loathsome canker
lives in sweetest bud.

All men make faults,
and even I in this--

authorizing thy
trespass with compare--

myself corrupting salving
thy amiss, excusing thy sins

more than thy sins are."

[knock on door]

[dramatic music]

[knock on door]

All right.

[dramatic music]

Whoa.

What's the deal, man?

Won't offer a place to
stay to your own brother?

[dramatic music]

[birds tweeting]

And she thought I was the thief.

How'd you find me, man?

You want me to leave?

Oh, wait-- I mean,
what did you do?

Who you running from?

Why do you gotta say
I'm running from someone?

Because you're smegma, man.

You're dirt.

You wouldn't be here if you
didn't want something from me.

Got you there.

It's your real dad's wallet.

It's kind of nice if
you'd take it, so--

hey, come on.

Lay off, Dean.

What's the deal?

I mean, I meet this person
I had no idea existed,

then he splits.

We got a lot of years
ripped off from us, bro.

Maybe we can make up
for the lost time.

That's it.

So?

- You need a new roof.
- A new roof?

Also have termite damage.

Termites?

You need thicker insulation,
someone threw up on the carpet,

and in about three years, you're
going to need new plumbing--

I recommend copper.

Wait, didn't these people
take care of this place?

Actually, this place is
in great shape for a house

this old.

For a quarter of a
million dollars, Sal,

there shouldn't be any problem.

Hey, a house like this is like
a used car-- you're just taking

over somebody else's problems.

Well, I just--

I wish I could go forward five
years so I would know if I was

doing the right thing or not.

No, you don't.

Look, I've been where you're at.

Enjoy it.

Quit pulling your hair out.

Or five years from
now, you'll look back

and wish you didn't waste
time five years ago worrying

about five years from now.

You follow me?

[animals squealing]

Hey, Dean.

Hey, Lina.

How's it going?

Pretty good.

Listen, your brother
is Alex, right?

Yeah.

What about him?

I just want to meet him.

What for?

Well, if we're
going to be going out,

I figure I should get in
good with him, you know?

Oh, you don't have to get
in good with him to get to me.

I don't care what he thinks.

My brother's a jerk.

He's the dealer at Roosevelt.

Really?

Well, maybe we should get
some stuff for the formal.

No, I hate that stuff.

Oh.

What's the story with this guy?

Some people left him behind.

He's going to be adopted.

Isn't he cute?

Are you through
with the paperwork?

Oh, just a sec.

There's a problem.

I want this cat.

I was here this morning.

This is ridiculous.

My wife wants this cat--
it matches the furniture.

Well, sir, in this situation,
the two want-to-be cat

owners have to bid for the cat.

The bidding will start at $ .

That'll cover the cost of the--

$ .

Please, sir.

The bids go up in
increments of one.

The bidding starts at $ .

$ .

$ .

Do I hear $ ?

$ .

Do I hear $ ?

Here, he's yours.

His name's Iron Mike.

No, Garrett I can't.

You know what the landlady
witch did with the last one.

Hey, you're keeping him.

That cat cost me $ .

Then why don't you keep him?

I don't really like cats.

I liked that poem.

I liked way you read.

Thanks.

Are your parents still alive?

Yours?

When I was rounding
up the paperwork to go

to the Academy I found out--

my parents told
me I was adopted.

And it-- it really put
the zap on me, you know?

I mean, everything
I thought about is--

hell, everything
changed overnight.

No, faster-- in a
couple of minutes.

So I had a six week
leave after the Academy

and I went looking
for my real parents.

[kitten mews]

Didn't you like
your adopted parents?

Oh, I love them.

They're the best,
but first thing

you gotta figure out
is where you come from,

and then where you're going--

and how to keep from
hurting people on the way.

You know, and this comes along
and I realize that I don't even

know the first thing.

Did you find your parents?

No.

I saw my dad's grave.

My mom-- disappeared.

But I'm kind of glad
I never found them.

Why?

Because I have this brother--

there's a lot I hate about him.

And there's a lot
I hate about me.

And it's all gotta
come from somewhere.

Dean, I'm not
too good at this--

saying how I feel.

You don't have to.

I look at things differently.

I mean, we're all on our own.

I take it from there.

Yeah, and look,
you dropped out.

So what you're saying is
Iron Mike's on his own.

No.

I'll take care of Cyrano.

Who?

Cyrano.

His name's Cyrano.

It's from this book I'm reading.

There was no
heavyweight named Cyrano.

I got to go, man.

Man, isn't life tough
enough without women giving

cats these poofter names?

Can't we have anything?

What's up?

Hey, you're Alex, right?

I know you?

Yeah.

Dean Garnett.

You're my sister's boyfriend.

Yeah.

What's wrong with you, man?

I want to buy.

Get out of here.

What's the deal?

You're a dork.

What are you
talking about, man?

The only kids who
think you're cool

are the ones lame enough to
vote in the school elections.

You want to buy a
little so you can

look cool with your friends.

You can't handle it.

Your friends can't handle it.

And the next thing I know,
someone's narking on me.

Go on.

Get out of here, Dean.

Just say no.

[school bell ringing]

Hey, Dean, are you OK?

Kati.

I was wondering if, like,
the day after tomorrow

you could come by after school?

What for?

Oh, it's a surprise.

It's kind of a reward
for doing so well.

You don't have to do anything.

It's something I want to do.

OK.

How late after school?

Oh, when everybody's gone.

Hey, man.

I got a job today.

I'm going to work in the drill
press at Al's machine shop.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What's the matter with you?

You got a problem?

All right.

Since we're on the subject--

about what you
said the other day?

I don't run away from problems.

I stand right in
the middle of them.

They eye of the storm,
the safest place.

Can I help you any?

No.

It's not really a
problem, it's just--

this is like, a simple case,
but it's really tough getting

to the guy, because he's like--

I can't talk to you about it.

It's not even that, man.

It's just-- trying to
deal with some stuff

and I feel like I'm blowing it.

Man, I should have
gone to college.

And that other precinct
I was at, the first one?

I did good, but then I
kind of got the boot,

and now this-- it's
all just bugging me.

You think that's funny?

Yeah, I think it's funny.

How do you think I feel?

I mean, I'm a loser, you know?

I mean, I ripped
people off, I dealt--

the three years
I've been on my own,

half the time I spent in jail.

Then you show up out
of nowhere and to me,

you've got it pretty together.

I mean, that's why
I'm here, Dean.

I want you to help me out.

All right, OK.

I'd feel the same
way if I were you--

you don't know me from
Howard the coward, right?

But let me offer you this first.

I'll help you out.

Use my experiences.

Tell me about this dealer--

I'll help you get him.

[dramatic music]

Now, remember not to
stay out too late, OK?

My brother come in here?

- We all got to go sometimes.
- What did he buy?

His usually half ki?

What's it to you?

Don't sell to him.

Don't tell me what to do.

Look, my mom spent a lot of
money getting him cleaned up

and I am not going to have
her paying for your new car.

Get out of my face.

If he wants to buy,
it's a free country.

Don't sell to him.

He bought it.

All right.

I'll set up a buy
for tomorrow night--

I'll give it a day.

He went for it all the way.

It was a great idea.

How'd you think of it?

I'll see you later, OK?

How was work?

You know-- how is work ever?

How was yours?

Well, it went good.

It went real good,
just like you said.

I'm going to bust him
tomorrow night at school.

Thanks, man.

All right.

You owe me one.

Well, I'll never sleep
another night for years.

Nah.

Two years from now,
you'll be mad you

didn't buy a bigger house.

You know, I sit
here and I wonder--

will my kids grow
up in this house?

What good things are
going to happen here?

What bad things?

The plumbing.

Man, I'm telling
you, captain--

when you said things change
quickly in four years,

I was like, no way.

But when I'm in that
school, I feel so out of it.

Well, you are out of it--

because I heard about Lina's
color plan for the formal--

powder blue.

[laughter]

I hated going to those things.

I loved them.

I never went.

I never got asked.

So, is everything
set for tomorrow, guys?

Yeah.

I'm making the buy,
Kati's back up.

Why don't I meet you at
school tomorrow night?

I got something I
have to do first.

Drive carefully, Captain.

Are you OK?

Just nervous about that
bust tomorrow, huh?

No.

There's this teacher
at school who really

helped me with some things.

I think I actually
learned something

while I was undercover.

You know, if you
ever get a chance

to go undercover at Taft,
you've got to take Mr. Vincent.

He's the best history teacher.

This guy is going
to make a pass at me.

How do you know?

I can tell.

It happened to me
when I was in school--

really messed me up.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to nail him.

I'm not going to let
him touch anyone--

I'm going to bust him so fast--

Easy, Kati.

No.

I see this as like
things balancing out.

And I've waited a long
time to set things right.

[dramatic music]

Hello.

Oh, you showed up.

I was beginning to think
you were breaking our date.

No, I wouldn't miss
this for the world.

Well, not-- now please
forgive the theatrics, but some

people may not understand.

It's-- it's amazing what closed
minds some people possess.

Look, every now
and then I feel--

I feel closer to a student.

I feel like without a
doubt I made a difference.

I feel that way about you.

So I hope you don't
take this the wrong way,

but I feel like in rewarding
you I'm rewarding myself.

What do you want?

To give you this.

I got this last summer when
I was at Stratford on Avon.

That's where
Shakespeare was born.

And--

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

[suspenseful music]

Lina, where have you been?

You know, the store
is about the close.

I gotta be somewhere in like--

At school to meet Alex.

He told me you wanted
to score off him.

I'm-- I'm taking off.

When will you be back?

Oh, come on, Kati.

I mean, who are we kidding?

I can't believe you lied
to me about that stuff.

Lina, I--

I'm sorry.

OK?
I thought that--

No.

No, you knew that
I hate that stuff.

Oh, man.

I don't know what to say, Lina.

I just--

I don't want to be with you.

You-- you're
breaking up with me?

I've never broken
up with anyone before,

but I want you to
know that I still

like you as a friend, Dean--
if you clean up.

Lina, there's some
stuff going on here

that you just don't understand.

So I hope this
was the mature way

and I hope I didn't hurt you.

OK.

[dramatic music]

Oh, damn.

KATI: Garrett--

Oh my God.

I called an ambulance.

What happened?

I got here early, I
found him like this.

Was he able to
tell you anything?

Guy he described
sounded like you.

What?

Who else knows about this?

[suspenseful music]

Hey, sorry, man.

Didn't mean to wake you up.

I must have fallen asleep.

What time is it?

Late.

Hey, how'd it go?

Good.

Great.

We busted him.

All right.

So I helped you out.

Yeah.

It got pretty hairy
in there, you know?

The guy got ripped off.

Somebody b*at him up pretty bad.

But he always carries
bags of baking soda

to use as a decoy
for just that reason.

Wow.

Did you get a
description of the guy?

Yeah.

Got a pretty good one.

So how was your work today?

It was all right.

Kind of tired.

You look tired,
considering you didn't go.

What are you
saying to me, man?

You don't have a job.

What's in this?

What's in this bag, man?

Just a bunch of old
Penthouses and underwear.

You've got stuff though,
baking soda or not-- just

let me leave.

How is that supposed
to help you, man?

Just give you a green light
to do whatever you want?

I'm a cop, man.

I didn't want to do this.

But you gave me such
an easy opportunity,

how could I pass it up?

You think it's just easy
to stop what you are?

You gotta work at it, man.

Work at it--

listen to you.

It took six weeks
to track us down.

You don't like something,
you turn your back--

that's working at it?

You know, I can't
believe you'd choose

your job over your family, man.

We may be blood,
but we ain't family.

And I can't let you go.

That's too bad.

[exciting dramatic music]

OK, OK.

All right, let's
just leave it at this--

you stay out of my way, I'll
stay out of yours, all right?

See you, bro.

[suspenseful music]

Aren't you going to say
goodbye to your sister?

Well-- half, anyway.

[dramatic music]

[knock on door]

All right, promise that
you're not going to laugh.

GARRETT: Open the door.

Promise.

GARRETT: OK, I promise.

OK.

You look--

Sorry.

Are you gonna-- are you
going to come in, or what?

No, I thought I'd
just wait in the hall

like you did the other night.

Oh, would you give it a rest?

I told you, if I had heard a
sh*t, I would have come in.

That's real comforting.

You going to be OK?

Yeah.

You're sure
you're up for this?

You look very nice in your tux.

Thank you.

You look like you could be
singing with Wayne Newton.

- Here's your corsage.
- Thank you.

You know where to stick it.

I'm laughing with you.

You know, I did
this five years ago

and I still feel stupid.

Then why are we going?

Oh, you never got to.

Oh, great.

So the idea is to
let me feel stupid.

Just wait till we go
bowling after the formal.

See you, Iron Mike.

[upbeat music]

Bye, Cyrano.

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[adventurous music]