05x05 - Just Say No! High

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

Are you the man?

I am the man.

One, two, three Xs buys you
one, two, three bits of ecstasy.

[inaudible] Let me just
show you where to get more.

Oh, my gosh.

[scream]

[theme music]

WOMAN (SINGING): We never
thought about the place

where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone.

We'll never let you go.

Don't need the mission to
decide what you believe.

Oh!

To jump down on Jump Street.

Take off down on Jump Street.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You'll find you need us because
there's no one else to call.

And if it's hopeless, a
decision is what you need.

You got to be ready
to, be ready to jump!

Jump Street.

But we have to accept the
terrible fact that our friends

have d*ed for what?

For a moment of ecstasy?

Very smart, but we don't
have to follow them.

We can help each other be free.

That's the real ecstasy.

And how do we start?

Simple.

We start with no secrets.

We take a test.

Then we all know who's
free and who needs help.

Vote for the drug test.

Vote to be free.

Coach Pembroke, can we
get you to wear one?

Uh, I'm still
thinking about it.

What, you don't
like the color?

There is a future for
your used car sales.

All right, all right.

[bell]

Miss Webb, so nice to see
a conscientious citizen.

What are you wearing?

What, you don't
like the color?

Doug, I just
don't see how drug

tests are going to keep anyone
from getting high who wants to.

You read the autopsy report.

That kid ate
milligrams of ecstasy.

Yeah, so a drug test
isn't going to help him.

You just don't
want to take it.

Doug, when was the last time
you had to urinate into a cup?

I won $.

Yeah, well, I
voted against it.

[cough]

Still got that cough, huh?

Yeah, it's going away.

So how's assistant coaching?

Oh, painful.

You're supposed
to coach, not play.

Well, I'm not playing.

So why does your neck hurt?

It's not my neck.

It's my throat.

Oh, no, you're
catching my sore throat.

No, no, from yelling.

Drive to the hoop.
Rebound!

Rebound!

Get out the girls locker room!

Rough life.

Well, you know,
somebody has got to do it.

Billy, that's not funny.

DR. CRANSTON (ON SPEAKER):
This is Dr. Cranston,

the vote is in.

Roosevelt High School
has voted , to

in favor of a universal drug
test for the student body.

Congratulations.

[applause]

Any student testing
positive for dr*gs

will be suspended from
extracurricular activities,

assigned a drug-free
buddy, and be

required to attend to
mandatory counseling sessions.

This really sucks.

How did you vote?

Vote, me?

Why bother?

Soc has got it all wrapped up.

Ladies.

I voted against it.

Hey, it's a free country.

I hope so.

But the vote has
gone against you.

[yelling]

COACH: Let's go, get out there!

That's what I want to see.

Nicely done there.

Let's go.
Come on.

Come on.
Concentrate.

Come on.
- Move it.

COACH: Come on.

Let's go.

There we go, nicely done.

COACH: All right,
good one, good one.

JEFF: You're late,
Godwin, again.

[whistle]

You're a pain, Godwin.

Godwin, it would be nice if
you, uh, operated on team time

rather than your own for once.

Over to me, people.

DOUG: Come on, hustle up!

Take a knee!

Here we go.

I don't have to
tell you gentlemen

how important the next few
weeks are to this team's

taking home the state trophy.

So I would advise all of you to
drink a lot of water tomorrow

morning and all day
tomorrow, and most important,

don't forget to use the
facilities before you

come to school, all right?

Hey, Coach, relax, we're
not going to have a problem.

I know I won't.

I'm not taking the test.

JEFF: You've got to.

No, I don't.

We voted, man.

This is high
school, not Congress.

You know what
they're going to think.

COACH: Hey!

I know what I'm
going to think.

COACH: Hey!

This is for the
principal to decide.

The hell it is.

I came to play ball.

Call me when you
want to do that.

Part of playing ball
is being a team player.

The rest of the team
is taking the test.

Hey, Coach, very interesting
advice you gave back there.

We're not the boy's parents.

We're not their moral keeper.

I'm their basketball coach.

Well, as their
basketball coach,

aren't you concerned
about the star player?

- Who, Godwin?
- Yeah.

Oh, he'll take the test.

He better.

He's our only chance
of going to state.

Do you know what
these things catch?

Well, I hear coke is
gone after two days,

but grass, one
puff lasts a week.

What about ecstasy?

[gasp]

You were at that party?

How did you-- come here.

How-- how did you get invited?

Well, I don't know,
you know, if there's

going to be any more parties.

Why?

Is everybody afraid
the stuff is bad?

No way, it's not bad.
I took some.

A lot of kids took some.

I'm still alive.

So why isn't there going
to be any more parties?

Well, everyone's
afraid to ask.

The police are like all
over anyone who was there.

Well, I got nothing to hide.

Hey, you're on.

Find out for us.

I go here?

No, you send in the
money, and then they

send you back an invite with
the time, and place, and an X.

And for each X--

You get a hit.

[music playing]

Face me, please.

TEACHER: Open your envelopes.

If you find a red armband, it
means you've tested drug free.

You may also find
the name of someone

who did not test drug free.

This person will
be your drug buddy.

Hey, I guess
ecstasy is like coke.

It' gone after a couple of days.

Hi there, Judy.

What do you want?

I got an assignment
in my packet.

I'm your drug buddy.

That can't be.

[music playing]

I can't believe this.

I can't believe I'm sitting here
because some high school got

hysterical.

Ah, look, when they test
that big a population,

there's bound to
be some mistakes.

You're damn right
it was a mistake.

Maybe it was something I ate,
poppy seed strudel, herbal tea,

my last three cough medicines.

No, it was probably lab error.

That's why it's standard
procedure to retest you.

Well, sign me up.

It's also standard
procedure to suspend you.

What?

But I just got a lead on how the
ecstasy parties work, Captain.

Judy, you tested
positive for amphetamines.

There's no way around this.

But you know I don't do dr*gs.

What I know has got nothing
to do with it, all right?

I mean, the test says
you're a speed freak.

You don't believe me.

Oh, come on, of
course I believe you.

Look, Judy, I'm not the one we
have to convince, all right?

Now they want you to
check in the Mercy

Hospital for an examination the
sooner you do it, the better.

Why don't you just
get out the cuffs?

Ah, Jude--

Fine.

Ah, Judy, uh, you know you've
got to-- to brief McCann now.

Fine.

And Hoffs, I have to take
your badge and your w*apon.

Judy, the truth will out.

PLAYER: [inaudible]

COACH: Make a right.

OK, [inaudible].

This is really stupid.

You want to join the
team, take the test.

- Life ain't tough enough, huh?
- Go to hell.

What's the deal?

You take the test.

If it comes up positive,
you get counseling.

You get better.

We all get better.

Lucky you, great for the team.

I don't care about the team.

OK, you care about me.

I lost some
friends to needles.

So that means I take dr*gs?

No.

That means it's OK
to barge into my body,

and barge into my
life, and check me out?

You know where I've
heard that line before?

From a lot of screwed-up people.

Look, I don't drive a bus.

I don't fly a plane.

I just want to play ball.

And I won't be left alone.

No, no, no.

Wait!

I thought I was supposed
to be an extra man here.

What's the deal?

Ah, McCann.

No, no, not the turtle.

Come on, not the turtle.

Come on.

McCann!

Yo, yo, yo, yo, come on.

Yo, yo, yo?

Yes, score!

Yeah!

All right.

[electronic sounds]

[phone ring]

Woo hoo!

Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

My office.

Ah-oh.

Aren't these things
for year olds?

No, it's relaxing, sir.

Oh, is it o' clock already?

No, I mean, focusing, sir.

You see, when you're
in sync with the game,

they get these alpha rhythms
like meditation, you know?

It can give you great insights.
- Oh, really?

Yeah.

And did your horoscope
tell you that you

would meet your destiny today?

Horoscope, sir?

It's a joke, McCann.

What do you got?

Well, the address Hoffs
gave me is a PO box.

It's registered to a
Party Dude Industries.

Now, the whole thing
was arranged by mail.

So--

All right, who
picked up the money?

Well, nobody saw squat.

So I decided to wake
up the nightwatchman.

He said that about
two weeks ago,

a tall kid in a Roosevelt
jacket came by at about :

in the morning and left.

Now he said the kid's
arms are full of stuff.

Hmm.

That could be the dead kid,
or it could be this Bill

that Penhall is interested in.

Or it could even
Jeff Chandler, drug

crusader and chemistry ace.

- Chemistry ace?
- Yeah.

I had a chance to
go to over his files

this morning when
I was registering.

The kid's practically
Hamorski's teaching aide.

Yeah, but that's kind of
like suspecting Nancy Reagan,

isn't it?

Well, yeah, but, well,
Darth Vader did turn out

to be Luke's father, you know?

Listen, why don't you
go back to the school?

See just how close you can
get to this Jeff, all right?

All right.

OK.

The A button is for fire.
B is for jump.

[electronic sounds]

[crowd sound]

Hey.

Hi.

I guess you heard about me, eh?

Yeah.

It figures.

Uh, Fuller is kind
of worried about you.

Glad to hear it.

He feels real lousy.

Well, not quite as
lousy as I am, Doug.

So what are you going to do,
just sit around and feel lousy?

Actually, no.

I thought I'd sit around
and make you feel lousy too.

You know all that
stuff you heard

about misery loving company?

Uh-huh.

Big exaggeration,
terrible lie.

You know, we all know that
suspension is a real crock.

Fuller spent three hours on
the phone after you left.

There's nothing he can
do about it till they

get the test results back.

So what am I supposed to
do till then, just sit around

and wait?

Well, suspension means
you ain't going to get paid.

But it doesn't necessarily
bar you from the chapel.

Are you suggesting
I work for free?

I didn't think
this was about money.

You're right, it's not.

Anybody from downtown finds out
I'm hanging around the chapel,

bug the hell out of them.

Good.

Any recent
surgical procedures,

such as gallbladder,
appendix, abortion?

Why do you need to know that?

A prescription painkiller
can test as an opiate.

But I tested
positive for speed.

That was four days ago, honey.

If you're smart, it's
out of your system.

Now get down.

We'll be doing a
gas chromatography.

Are you trying to
tell me I can never

prove that test was wrong?

There's only one test that
can prove drug use in the past.

Now, if you stand here and put
your right arm over your head

while you hold the cup
in your left hand--

No.

Now honey, I'm a nurse.

I don't care if
you're my mother.

I won't do it it's not going
to clear me for the speed.

Now what's this other test?

We don't do it here.

What is it?

It's very expensive.

You'll have to pay for it
because radioimmunoassay

is not covered.

They cut hairs off your head.

Hair?

They test hair?

Yes.

They can determine amphetamine
use for six months,

with hair your
length, maybe longer.

Well, go, cut, now.

[tire squeal]

Hi, Captain.

Oh, Judy.

Look, I know I'm suspended,
but I just can't sit

home and do nothing, you know?

Judy, this is Inspector
Nickerson, Internal Affairs.

Inspector.

I need to schedule you for
an appointment, Miss Hoffs.

Going on a fishing expedition?

[chuckle]

No, no, this is just a
little chat about your file.

My file?

What's going on here?

Uh, just routine.

I want to know what this
man is doing with my file.

Miss Hoffs.

Detective Hoffs.

You are currently
suspended, Miss Hoffs.

And I'm sure you're aware
that any officer who is a user

is particularly
vulnerable when confronted

with a large amount of product.

Are you accusing
me of scooping?

Captain, you're just going
to stand here and let this--

I've never stolen
anything in my life.

Well, we'll see.

Please be in my office
tomorrow at :.

[music playing]

[sigh]

[music playing]

NICKERSON: Well, I'm sure the
credit check will be fine.

So why don't you just go
ahead and do the paperwork

on that little red car of mine?

Ciao.

Loan officers
appreciate confidence.

You know, where-- you were just
telling me why you made three

large cash withdrawals in May.

Well, I had three large bills.

Ah.

My dentist, my mechanic,
and I took a vacation.

But cash, Miss Hoffs?

I mean, most people
pay in checks.

Well, the truth is, I--

I haven't been able to balance
my checkbook since I was .

So I tried cash, except for
mortgage, gas, and electricity.

And you moved your account
to a new bank, First City State

Savings and Loan, February .

Well, that was my
mother's suggestion,

you know, start fresh, have
every penny accounted for.

And she gave me some extra
cash for a cushion, you know?

My mother suggested it.

Well, let me
suggest a scenario.

On January , you
busted a speed operation

while your partner
went for backup.

You were left alone
with one dead body

and a large supply of speed.

Now, for a user like
you, that's tempting.

So you scooped a few bags, half
for yourself, half for sale.

You dumped it cheap, $,.

You put it in cashier's
checks, and you

used it to open a new account.

You took the money
from your old account

and used it for
your personal use.

Now by May, you had
a major league habit.

So you started drawing
cash until the June bust.

Well.

I've got it.

You think you're
Humphrey Bogart.

No, I think you're an addict.

Oh, get a life.

OK, let's wait for the
test results, shall we?

You know, I couldn't have
made you take that test.

I'm so glad you
took it on your own.

MAN: So the other guy says,
well, I'm a septuagenarian.

Hey, Jude, it's so
nice to see you too.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where's what?

That report on the drug
bust I did last January.

It's not here!

That's it.

What's going on?

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, you, talk.

I've got nothing to say.

It's me here, kemosabe,
the guy who you babysit--

Do you know what
happened to me?

Yeah, you got
a false positive.

So what?

So false doesn't
a matter, Doug.

Positive does.

Positive gives me one big
red mark on my jacket.

No matter how hard
Fuller erases it,

there's always going
to be this whisper,

she tested positive
once, you know?

Sorry, Detective, your
testimony is no good.

They'll pull up your
record in court.

Well, gee, Hoffs, we'd love
to promote you, but you know,

there's that thing with
the drug test, remember?

What are you babbling about?

Everybody knows
you're not a user.

Everyone who knows me.

But guys like that worm
down at Internal Affairs,

they can make my life
into whatever they please.

All he needs is that hair
test to come back positive,

and I'm done.

Well, you know it's not
going to come back positive.

I knew the other one
wasn't going to come

back positive too, and it did.

I have no idea why.

You know, I know it probably
would have caused trouble

in the school, but
I wish to god I

hadn't taken that stupid test.

Hey, whoa, whoa,
where are you going?

The coach says, if I don't
take the test, I can't play.

So?

So I got to play.

Hoops is all I
really care about.

What about your principles?

You care about that?

Weren't you the one saying
life is tough enough already?

I was wrong.

You were right.

Right.

I walk down the halls,
and I get hissed at.

All of a sudden, I'm the
evil one around here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're a damn commie
psycho pinko troublemaker.

So what?

Thanks.

I hope you're not using.

If you are, get help.

Either way, you got to stand
up for your principles.

You have the right to
say no to this test.

[door knock]

Hey, is Hamorski in here.

JEFF: He took his
kid to the doctor.

Oh, uh, you need an assistant?

No, just a suck up.

Jeff Chandler.

Tony March.

Sorry, I didn't
mean to bother you.

Oh, wait a minute, Tony March.

Watch this.

[expl*si*n]

Whoa!

That's pretty cool.

Do you always hang out after
school and do chem experiments?

I got to get a
. to get into MIT.

Oh, you want to be a chemist.

Chemical engineer.

There's more money in that.

Yeah?

I always wondered what a
chemical engineer does.

They make a lot
of chemicals, which

in turn, make a lot of money.

Like what?

You know, like, uh, additives
for your car, or adhesives,

or--

Synthetic dr*gs maybe?

No, you don't have to
be a chemical engineer

to make stuff like ecstasy.

Hell, I could make
that stuff right now.

Really?

Yeah.

Of course, I would never
be slimy enough to do it.

What I wouldn't give to get
my hands on the guy that is.

Any idea who that is?

No.

Could be anybody.

He sh**t.

He misses.

He misses.

Do you need a
ride or something?

No.
Thanks, man.

I got my own car, man.

You know who can
probably tell us

who is supplying the ecstasy.

He sh**t.

He misses again.

He might even be
supplying himself.

The crowd commits harakiri.

Blood is everywhere.

I didn't think you'd be dumb
enough to do that stuff here.

Jeff?
Old Jefffie.

Scum, you're scum.

Hey, hey, cut it out, man.

This isn't the way
to deal with this.

You're right.

I know exactly what to do.

n*zi.

You know, I feel
sorry for you.

Come on, man, you're my witness.

Now You didn't
smell any alcohol?

No, I-- I didn't
smell anything.

I'm no expert, but,
uh, the guy's words

were a little slurred.

Thanks, Tony, we'll
take it from here.

I just can't believe that
Bill will do anything--

Look, the kid is a loner,
and given his refusal

to take the drug test--

What?

You think Bill's using now?

What I think is one of
my team members is dead.

What I think is my best players
are at each other's throats.

What I'm saying is
there's things going

on we don't know about here.

Do you think that
any of the team

know who cooked up
that batch of ecstasy?

I beg your pardon.

Just that the police said
that there was a homemade batch.

Do you think that
any of the team--

I didn't know that.

What?

Well, I thought
it was brought in.

It was some g*ng or something.

No.

Now really think,
is there any reason,

any reason at all, why Bill
would refuse to take that test?

No.

I can't think of a reason.

I wish to god I could.

[bell]

[music playing]

[whispering]

Hi.

Hi.

All right.

Back in business.

Party.

No, thanks.

What's going on?

That's my locker.

I'm afraid your performance
on the court today

gives us probable
cause, Mr. Godwin.

Please don't.

I'm deeply sorry, Bill.

Isosafrole?

What's isosafrole?

It's one of the chemicals
needed to make ecstasy.

It was you, you're the chemist.

You k*lled them.

You k*lled them.

[electronic sounds]

CAPTAIN: Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

No, darn!

Captain.

Yo?

We got to talk about--

Woo hoo!

Fifth level.

You've been working, huh?

Hey, watch out for that--

Ahh!

Black turtle, safe.

Here.

Take this back, man.

I hate this game.
- What?

No alpha rhythms?

No, no, not less alpha
rhythms or irritants.

I guess you two came
by to be congratulated

on the collar, huh?

Actually, uh, well, we
think we got the wrong man.

We think it was a frame up.

Because?

I spent some time
with this Bill Godwin.

I think he's a really good kid.

Yeah, he's a smart kid too.

I mean, if he was the
cook, why would he

be stupid enough to draw
attention to himself

by not taking the test?

So how do you explain the
isosafrole in the kid's locker?

Somebody put it there.

Any idea who?

Well, maybe Jeff Chandler.

He's one step ahead of
the game all the time.

He was at the locker
when they opened it.

Yeah, he does have a
flair for chemistry too.

No, no, guys, I
mean there are--

there's kids at Roosevelt
High in drug rehabilitation.

I mean, they have hope
because of Chandler.

Now why would he be selling
the kids dr*gs at the same time

as he's talking them
out of taking them?

What do you want us to do?

Why don't we keep the kid
in stir for a while, you know,

so the cook thinks
that the frame worked.

Then Penhall, I want you to go
visit him as a concerned coach

and lean on him.

JUDY: Woo hoo!

Woo!

It's negative.

It's negative

Congratulations, Judy.

Thank you, Captain.

I, um, know it's not
official yet, but welcome back,

Detective Hoffs.

I suppose you'd like
your old assignment back.

Well, first I have a little
job to do at Internal Affairs.

Ahh.

[buzzer]

Nickerson.

No, no, don't let her back in.

Just tell her I'm--

Dead?

Mr. Nickerson, I have
something I'd like you to read.

I've read it already.

Oh, but I'd like the
pleasure of hearing

you read it again aloud to me.

Miss Hoffs.

Detective Hoffs.

Is this really necessary?

It was an honest mistake.

Well, it's just
that I'm thinking

about filing a complaint.

All right, "subject's
hair showed no sign

of prescribed drug use."

That's terrific.

"Given the length
of the hair, we

would estimate that the subject
had not been involved in drug

use in the last nine months."

Excuse me?

Nine months.

Now, would that cover
the time that I developed

my major league habit?

Seem to.

I'm sorry.

Yes, it would.

Ah.

The original positive
results seem to be

a case of cross reactivity.

An antibiotic cough medicine
taken by the subject

produced an
amphetamine-like trace,

which the test could
not distinguish

from actual amphetamines.

Oh, that has a ring
to it, don't you think?

An amphetamine-like trace.

I will expect a written
retraction for my file

with your name on it.

Of course, look, if
there's anything I can do.

Mr. Nickerson,
about your car loan--

My car loan?

Oh, you know, the
little red convertible

with the special
speakers and the CD.

Yes.

Well, I ran into that guy you
had on the phone the other day.

Your, um--

- My loan officer?
- Yeah.

He's a nice guy, nice guy.

We had a little chat.

But I'm afraid I let it slip
about your gambling habit.

Gambling?

I didn't get into detail,
but he seemed disappointed

that you even gambled at all.

What gambling habit?

Your secretary tells me
that you buy a lottery ticket

every Wednesday, sometimes two.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Did I jump to a conclusion?

Oh, I'm sorry.

You'll probably get
your loan anyway.

I only flashed my badge once.

I don't understand.

I just don't understand.

What don't you get?

I believed in you.

Is this the first time
you've ever been disappointed?

I stood there in
front of the coach

and told him you had principles.

I do have principles.

Of what, a junkie, which is
to deny over and over again.

I'm not a junkie.

Two people saw you strung
out on the playground.

I don't care.

I'm not a junkie.

Well, what are
you then, a drunk?

No.

I'm a--

What?

Come on, if you tell
me, I can help you.

I have to take phenobarbital.

Sometimes it has side effects.

What?

I'm, uh, an epileptic.

Why didn't you say something?

I haven't had a seizure
in over two years.

I don't want people to know.

They treat you differently
when they know.

This, uh, drug--

Phenobarbital.

It shows up
positive on the test?

The test just like heroin.

I would have had to explain, I--

I couldn't do that.

They watch you.

They watch you, and
they never forget.

They just wait.

You would have
to tell somebody.

No.

The principal,
the school nurse.

When I made first string,
my mom told the coach.

Coach Brandon knew?

Yeah.

He knew why you
wouldn't take the test?

Yes.

DOUG: The coach is our man.

Godwin's epileptic.

The coach knew that, let the
whole school crucify him so he

could set him up as a dealer.

We had a look at his records.

It looks like he
flunked Med school,

but not before he took
Chem and Chem .

Well, we've got the
means, ladies and gentlemen.

We got the motivation.

Now we get the opportunity.

Look what's going
around school again.

You figure he's that stupid?

Well, he could be that greedy
unless he's got other clients

other than Roosevelt High.

All we gotta do is take out
that PO box, see who shows up.

Yeah, but whoever
shows up will

probably just be a messenger.

So don't pick him up.

Let's see if he
leads us to the cook.

OK, let's go.

I want to see who this guy is.

One other thing, guys.

We're lucky enough to
be led to that lab.

Remember, be very careful.

There's bound to be ether there.

That stuff is very volatile.

Do not discharge your weapons.

[music playing]

All right, we've got
our man, and he's a she.

It's one of Hoff's
buddies from the school.

She's headed your way.

Jeanine.

[music playing]

[door knock]

Oh, ether.

Let's go back to the car.

Hello, Jeanine.

Judy.

Coach, what are you doing here?

Arresting you.

What?

We're police officers.

I'll go get our loving coach.

Doug, what are you doing here?

You're under arrest.

Oh.

Not without the evidence.

Did that hurt?

It really looked like it hurt.

[groan]

Bender, you.

Officer Penhall, did Godwin
know about this practice?

Some things are going
to take a little time.

I know.
I know.

I just want everything
to be all right.

You can't make
everything all right.

You helped a lot of people.
You should be proud of that.

But I didn't mean
to hurt anyone.

Godwin, you're late.

Hey, man.

I'm sorry.

DOUG: All right, cut
out the sentiment.

I'm only the assistant
coach for one more day.

Lap lines, move it, monkeys!

Move it!

[music playing]