05x09 - Diplomas for Sale

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

Empty the cash
register into a bag.

Don't look at me.
Don't look.

I'm not.

I won't.
Please.

Hurry up!

OK, OK.

STEVE: Hurry.

Hurry.

Here, take it.

I'm not looking.

[siren blare]

Halt, police officer!

[car horn]

[music playing]

(SINGING) We never thought we'd
find a place where we belong.

Don't have to stand alone,
we'll never let you fall.

Don't need permission to
decide what you believe woo!

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

I said jump, down
on Jump Street.

Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall.

You'll find you need us, 'cause
there's no one else to call.

And if it's hopeless a
decision is what you need.

You better be ready to, be
ready to jump, Jump Street.

CAPTAIN FULLER:
Stephen Campbell.

Valedictorian of his
high school class,

was supposed to graduate
with honors this spring.

Comes from a nice
middle class family.

I mean the kid had
everything going for him.

ANTHONY MCCANN: This is the
same kid who ran into a truck

after a holdup?
CAPTAIN FULLER: Yeah.

I want to know what
his kid thought he

had to stick up liquor stores.

JUDY HOFFS: You're not saying
I have to go back to college,

are you?

I already have my degree.

Sarah Lawrence over here.

I would like to see
what college is like.

You would like to see
what high school is like.

Actually, you guys
must be reading my mind.

That is exactly my plan.

Now the Penhall brothers
are going to move

into the dead boy's old room.

Check around and see if
you can dig anything up.

If you come up with a
lead, then we're going

to slide in McCann and Hoffs.

Fair enough, guys?

All right, let's get busy.

[music playing]

Don't you think this
is kind of creepy,

taking a dead guy's room?

Yeah, it's creepy.

Somebody is going to do it.

[knocking]

Might as well be us.

Puts us right in
the right place.

Hi.

I'm Doug Hersh, my brother Joey.

Hi.

Dave Burton.

You have a room to rent?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, [inaudible].

Great collection.

You like Depeche Mode?

No, they belong
to my roommate.

Would you mind not
looking through them?

Look, I don't mean to be a pain.

It's just that my
roommate d*ed a week ago.

His name was Steve Campbell.

Is that the guy
I read about who--

DAVE BURTON: Robbed a store.

Yeah, that's him.

But no, that wasn't
him, you know?

We could come back
another time, if you want.

DAVE BURTON: I need the rent.

My folks can barely
afford my half.

Look, if you guys want
you can move in today.

Rent's $ a month.

$ a month.

We'll take it.

OK, there's--

[clock bell]

JOEY PENHALL: I
don't know, I'm just

flabbergasted and
left [inaudible]

of the whole
existentialism of it all.

It's just going to be me, you,
and a couple of fake fur coats.

That's my ride.

Who's that?

Melinda.

I love your attitude.

Melinda.

Who's Melinda?

Informant.

An informant?

An informants a little
guy who asks for $

when he gives you information.

That's Melinda.

Yeah.

Well, so, I mean
does she know anything?

Yeah.

Oh, get out of here.

You're wasting taxpayers' money.

Don't start with me.

How is she an informant?

She told me if I
take bonehead English

I can sleep in in the mornings
and have my evenings free.

That's not an informant.

What classes, are you
taking smarty pants?

The same as Steve Campbell.
Here.

I got chemical
engineering, Renaissance

thought, and calculus.

I will never sleep again.

So you want to tell me
again why we're doing this?

I think we were talking about
your next birthday or something

like that.

No, no, no, that wasn't it.

Well sure it was.
Yeah.

No it wasn't, no it wasn't.

I think it was you saying that
you couldn't see me as a power

forward.

ANTHONY MCCANN: No,
I could, you know,

it's just it's not the first
thing that pops into my mind,

you know?

College league champs, bro.

I was the meanest
man in the key.

Oh, I believe you, sir.

Oh, you don't
have to call me sir.

I'm not that much
older than you are.

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry.

Yes.

Sorry, I was
adjusting my shoelace.

You know, I always
try them too tight.

These high tops, they make
you do that, you know?

Whoa, he's got me on the ropes.

Damn straight.

Oh, whoa.

[grunting]

Pinned.

Ha.

Oh God, I got to go.

It's late.

I guess you must lift a lot
over at the Academy gym, huh?

Nah.

No?

Got some deal on the
yuppie gym, is that it?

I don't like gyms, you know?

Lifting's not my bag.

You don't lift?

No.

So how did you stay in shape?

I don't know.

Sports, I guess.

What sports?

I don't know.

You know, basketball,
roller skates, darts.

You know anything to
get me off my butt.

See you.

It's time for you to start
calling me sir again, too.

ANTHONY MCCANN: Oh, yes sir.

DOUG PENHALL: I can't do this.

Nobody can do this.

Can't do what?

Oh, this pages on
the role the Medici family

hadn't on classical knowledge.

This is not easy.

I'll clear a spot for you here.

No, sorry.

I've got study group.

But the paper is
due in hours.

I'm done.

You're done?

You got to apply yourself.

That's what my dad always says.

Good advice.

I noticed by your books
here that you are pre-law.

Yeah.

My dad's been saving
for my law school

since the first day
I decided on law.

Your dad a lawyer?

DAVE BURTON: No, he's a cop.

Courts got I'm so frustrated
coming home at night,

I thought I could
make a difference.

We kid around, say
we're going to be

a two stop justice system.

Was Steve Campbell pre-law?

Yeah.

My dad and I told him
he could join the firm.

Your two stop justice firm.

Something I don't get.

How does a pre-law student
wind up robbing a store?

Police already asked me that.

I don't know.

I lay awake at night
worrying, wondering.

Listen, I-I've got to go.

I'm already late
for study group.

Later.

Hey, good luck on your paper.

I'm going to need it.

Medieval allegorical tradition
continuing into the Renaissance

and culminating in the
works of such writers

as Ariosto, Boiardo, and
much later Edmund Spenser.

I believe the hour is over.

Now as you hand in your
papers on the Medicis,

please pick up
last week's essays.

Professor Gray?

Sir, I don't see my paper.

PROFESSOR GRAY: I'd like to
talk to you for a few minutes

in my office, Mr. Burton.

Sir, is there something
wrong with my paper?

Other than the fact
that you didn't write it?

What?

It's brilliant, but
I felt it betrayed

a certain onanistic quality.

That there was a dearth
of verisimilitude compared

to your previous papers.

You know what I'm getting at?

Not exactly.

Onanistic, verisimilitude.

Those are words you
used in your paper.

Could you use either one of
them in a sentence right now?

Not off the top of my head.

You didn't write that paper.

I worked hard on that paper.

I've worked hard in this class.

Mr. Burton, I might
show some leniency

if you'd admit to the truth.

I won't admit to
something that I didn't do.

PROFESSOR GRAY: I've been
a professor for years,

and I know you're lying.

Professor, you prove it.

Does he know?

It was, you know, something,
but he doesn't know it.

Burton.

You know Melinda?

Melinda Cross?

She's in my study group, yeah.

How'd you do on the paper?

Good.

Good?

Good?

How come the professor
calls you in?

He just wanted to clarify.

Oh, I see.

So everything's OK?

Yeah, sure.

Overall he said
it was brilliant.

Brilliant?

Congratulations!

I didn't know I had a
roommate who was brilliant.

He's brilliant!

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Look, I told you I'd get it.

No, don't-- I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Ho, yo!

I thought we were
going for pizza.

I'm not hungry.

Doug!

Great.

I got out of the
shower early so I could

go watch him get some cash.

Let's see what he's
going to do with it.

Give me that.

JOEY PENHALL: It's
not even loaded, man.

Jeez.

DOUG PENHALL: Doesn't matter.

A cop sees that,
he'll sh**t to k*ll.

Let me go.

You're coming back
to our dorm with us.

You're going to explain
what this is all about.

What do you want, man?

You've already done one
incredibly stupid thing

tonight.

Don't do another one.

Come on.

OK.

Why did you just tell
us what happened?

You know how I wrote
my paper so fast?

I bought it.

And you needed the
money to pay for it?

No.

No, somebody found
out I bought it,

and I'm paying him to shut up.

And that's what happened
in your roommate, is that it?

Yeah.

I started getting
these calls, you know.

Pay $ or your
professor will know.

I had until seven to
tonight to get the money.

So the guy tells your
professor, you flunk one class.

Big deal.

I won't just flunk.

I'll get kicked out.

You get into another school.

DAVE BURTON: Right.

They call here and find
out why I was kicked out?

No law school, no admission.

My whole life is down the drain.

I don't even want to
think about my old man.

DOUG PENHALL: Take it easy.

Let's just start with,
where did you get the paper?

My roommate told
me about this place.

They sell everything.

Term papers, science projects.

It's called Chadway
Academic Research.

[ding]

Yes?

I didn't see you there.

I heard this is
where you can get--

that you have--

I need a (WHISPERING) paper.

I can barely hear you.

DOUG PENHALL: Well, it's that
I'm in this Renaissance thought

class, and every time I
go to sit down to write,

my mind goes blank.

Somehow I believe you.

What's the topic?

It's-- it's--

it's, uh-- oh, here it is.

to pages on the
role of the Medici family.

Medici.

Had on the preservation
of classical knowledge

and thought.

Let me see what we've got.

[typing]

PAXTON: Nope.

No.

Well, here's one.

The founding of the Medici
library, the birth and rebirth

of the ancients.

Got an A. Interested?

How do I know you didn't sell
it to everybody in my class?

It's on the computer.

You want me to double check?

Well, yeah, if you could.

Got an A at the
University of Ohio in

for a history of
Western thought class.

It's never been used here.

Any problem with that?

It got an A?

No, that's great.

Do you have anything
a little less good?

I mean I'm only
doing like a ..

Maybe like a low B, high C?

Because I mean, if all the
sudden I ace this thing,

my professor, he'll
get kind of suspicious.

You're not as
dumb as you look.

Thanks.

I mean, thanks.

Here's my credit card receipt.

You know they just
sold me this paper,

let me put it on my card?

OK, it's clean.

Let's make the bust.

CAPTAIN FULLER: Time out, guys.

You cannot bust a company
for selling term papers.

What?

They're doing it in broad
daylight, middle of town.

Yeah.

That's because what
they're doing is legal.

Wait a minute, how
can that be legal?

CAPTAIN FULLER: Term papers
are kind of like books.

An author can sell whatever he's
written to anyone he wants to.

And that company
can resell them.

Are you telling us
we don't have a case?

The only thing
that's illegal is

a student putting their names on
these papers and turn them in.

Called plagiarism.

You wanted us to find
out what kind of trouble

Steve Campbell was in.

We think this is it.

What's it?

Someone was blackmailing him.

Somebody is blackmailing
Burton right now.

Blackmailing is illegal
still, isn't it captain?

Last I looked.

DOUG PENHALL: Well so, who's
going to write a term paper,

get us in tight
with this company?

Guys, I'm sorry I'm late.

There was so much
traffic you wouldn't--

I wonder if you'd be
interested in buying my paper.

Another hard working young
scholar sharing her good grades

with the less fortunate.

Something like that.

It's on the--

I don't care what it's on,
any more than the students who

buy it care.

What did it get?

It got an A.

We want it.

Hey, Cooper.

Yo, Mr. Paxton.

I need a copy of this.

No problem.

Coming right up.

I heard you could make more
money writing papers on order.

You do custom work?

We can always use statistics.

Great, because
they overcharged

my credit card last month.

I have a request
for statistics ,

construct a multi variable
contingency table using

analysis of variant technique.

Usual stuff.

Usual stuff.

Right.

Here you go.

Ah, Mr. Pax, we've got a
problem with the computer again.

One second.

You find anything?

They don't keep
names, but I did find

a list of credit card numbers.

Link any with
students buying papers?

Going to try.

Try what?

I'm going to try
junior college again.

I am so glad I got out
of the teaching business.

ANTHONY MCCANN: What, you
used to teach Mr. Pax?

I used to spoon feed
information to students.

Now I sell it outright.

Hear your copy machine going.

Yo, right.

Yo.

Later.

I'm going to ask
you one more time.

Did you write this paper?

I'll tell you one more time.

Yes.

This is your original work.

Yes.

I received this last night.

It was left outside
my front door.

It's identical to
yours, but it's

by a Doris Pusner, June ,
, University of California.

I called the professor,
she remembered the paper.

Professor Gray.

See, I need this class
to keep up my GPA if I'm

going to get into law school.

You should have taken
bicycle maintenance.

I'll take the
class over again.

Totally straight.

I gave you that
opportunity two days ago.

Please, sir.

Don't kick me out.

I've already
talked to the dean.

Your case will be heard
before a full session

of the academic Standards
Commission on Friday.

Hey.

Good morning, everybody.

Ah, Mac, Mac, Mac.

Those credit card
numbers you gave me?

Yeah.

List of names came
in from downtown.

Now odds are a few
of those people

are victims of our blackmailer.

Why don't you get to
know one of them, huh?

OK.

Melinda Cross, Ron Calum--

Let me see that.

Bill Daily.

Let me see that.

Melinda Cross.

I met her.

She's smart.

She doesn't seem like
the type to be cheating.

Yeah, none of those kids
are the type to cheat.

I mean they're not dumb.

They just do that to stay at
the top of the grade curve.

What you doing, Mac?

ANTHONY MCCANN:
Making a phone call.

Yes, registrar's office?

Yes, I'd like to get a class
schedule please of a student

by the name of Melinda Cross.

Does anybody know
a Melinda Cross?

Melinda Cross, anybody?

Hello, does anybody
know a Melinda Cross?

Melinda Cross, anybody
know a Melinda Cross here?

I'm Melina Cross.

Melinda Cross, with
the . overall?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Tony Cooper,
and I'm thinking

about going back
to school again,

and I could really use a tutor.

I saw your name on
the dean's list.

No, I don't think I like this.

Look, I study hard, and I
take direction pretty well.

No, I mean that
you're following me.

I'm not comfortable with it.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to follow you.

Well, if you don't
stop moving I'm going

to be following you again.

Look, OK.

I should have found a way
to get an introduction

but I don't know
anybody you know,

I and I need some major
help with the books.

I figured, well, if you met me I
could talk you into saying yes,

even though I can see you I'm
talking you into saying no.

But maybe I'll just
get smarter by osmosis.

Unless of course you walk away
again, in which case osmosis

would be impossible.

Do you always talk this fast?

Only when I'm desperate.

Look, I could really
use five hours a week,

and I'll pay
whatever you charge.

Well, I could
really use the money.

Well then, we've got a deal.

OK?

OK.

How's Friday night?

I can't.

I've got the student court case.

That's OK.

We'll meet after.

Is your place OK.

My place?

Yeah.

I'm sure I don't have
to tell you where that is.

That's true, I kind
of already do know.

MELINDA CROSS: Osmosis?

Osmosis, yeah.

What did you pack for?

Your is not for a few days.

I know what's going to happen.

I just want to be
ready when they say it.

Well, who all is going
to be at this court thing.

Faculty and students.

Well, you just can't lay down
and play dead just because you

showed a little lousy judgment.

You got to fight this thing.

Pretend like it's
your first case.

Where you going?

To work on my defense.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

BLACKMAILER (ON
PHONE): (WHISPERING)

I know you bought a term paper.

It'll cost you $ to keep
Professor Gray from knowing,

too.

Yeah, I'm listening.

BLACKMAILER (ON
PHONE): (WHISPERING)

In a bag at the south
quad, noon tomorrow.

Drop it and go.

Our mysterious caller.

Do you recognize the voice?

No.

We'll find out who
it is soon enough.

$, $, $,
$, $, guys.

Mac and I will be
at Chadway research

to tell whoever leaves
to pick up the money.

We're covering the drop.

Why do you have to double up?

Two reasons.

One, so he doesn't get away.

Two, so the DA doesn't
turn him loose.

Blackmail is very hard to prove.

Let's do this.

This better be an A.

Going to be a bestseller.

I'm off to lunch.

Ditto.

I have a reservation
at noon sharp.

Later.

Watch the store, Tony.

Will do, boss.

Meet me outside.

Melinda.

Hi.

Hi.

You work here?

Well yeah.

Didn't I mention that?

Uh, yeah, I do
some copying here,

and I move some boxes
and stuff like that.

Oh.

I got-- I gotta go.

I got something to do.

But-- so I'll see you
tomorrow, after the hearing.

- OK.
- OK.

- Yeah.
- OK.

Couldn't shake her.

I didn't know
which one to follow.

I don't see Hoffs.

I don't see McCann.

Hey.

What?

Look.

Think it's the guy with the dog?

No.

You notice a guy with a dog.

You notice a girl with a dog.

With a guy, you notice the dog.

What kind of dog
you think that is?

- Hey.
- What?

Look.

It's the bald guy.

Too obvious.

Maybe if he had had
a hat or something.

On your mark.

Get set.

Oh no!

Got you, you scum.

My roommate got k*lled trying
to get your dirty money.

Get off him, Burton.

Take it easy.

JOEY PENHALL: Police officers.

DAVE BURTON: What?

DOUG PENHALL: Yeah, that's
right, big surprise.

You better be a lawyer, all
the trouble you get into.

You two are coming with us.
You got him?

Yeah, I got him.

DOUG PENHALL: By time
you get out of jail

you'll have grown
all your hair back.

You cut the bald guy loose.

How come?

He picked up the money.

Hey, this guy, was an
our drunk t*nk last night.

He did not make any phone calls.

He just stumbled into our sting.

Hoffs and McCann
never show up?

No, they didn't.

That's my next phone call,
and this better be good.

DAVE BURTON: Listen, I'm
sorry I screwed up your drop.

When I think about the guy that
drove Steve to do what he did--

I wish I could get
my hands on him.

That's our job.

Listen, would you guys
come to my hearing tomorrow?

Yeah, but be cool about us,
because the case isn't over

yet.

I just want you
to get the guy.

DOUG PENHALL: Burton.

About tomorrow.

Good luck.

JUDY HOFFS: It was my fault.

No, I was mine.

I couldn't shake Melinda.

Still, I should have
followed one of the cars.

I would have followed Austin.

Austin?

No, no, Paxton.

Paxton, he had more motive.

ANTHONY MCCANN: What motive?

He's a paper clerk happy
with his coffee breaks.

JUDY HOFFS: He's a professor.

Sour grapes and all that stuff.

Then why didn't
you follow him?

Because I thought
maybe you might,

then I would follow Austin.

Which is why neither of
us followed either of them.

Basically.

Kind of.

In a nutshell.

Did you tell her I was old?

Sir?

Did you tell her that you
b*at me at arm wrestling so

like maybe I'm losing it
in every other department,

and therefore will
be easily confused.

No.

Oh.

Mac didn't mention anything
about arm wrestling, sir.

I'm looking for
my support, OK?

And you two are supposed to
be out arresting the bad guys,

or at least trailing
the bad guys.

So get your young selves up,
get your butts out of here, go

do your jobs, and do not come
back in here with any story

remotely like the
one you just told me.

OK?

Yes sir.

Yes.

I'd like to point out that
we are not a court of law,

but an administrative
arm of the university.

And as such we'll decide
based on what we hear today

if David Burton did plagiarize,
and if so to what extent

he should be penalized.

I have submitted
two term papers.

One David Burton handed
in from my class--

There's no reason for the
professor to make a case.

I did it.

Dave Burton has
admitted his indiscretion

and publicly apologized.

It's obvious he's
suffering, and it's

worth noting that his crime
has hurt no one but himself.

He has hurt every student
who toiled long and hard

to hand in their own work.

OK, but should his life
be ruined because of that?

He'll never get into
another college,

and certainly no law school.

I move that we give
him another chance.

DEAN: David Burton.

In accordance with university
policy, as of this date

you are hereby expelled.

Your official transcripts will
be stamped with the words,

registration terminated due
to an academic indiscretion.

Are you OK?

It just doesn't seem fair.

You want to talk about it?

No.

I, uh, I just want to be alone.

That was a tough break.

Steve got the tough break.

I can still pick up the pieces.

I'm still alive, until
my dad gets a hold of me.

You need a lift?

No, I want to go over to
Steve's folks place first.

I want to tell them what
really happened to their son.

Why don't you
bring your father?

How come.

Well, it's just a hunch, but
I have a feeling it'll make it

easier for everybody involved.

OK.

Thanks.

Mr. Hirsch.

I need to see you in my office.

I'm sure you know why.

Did to somebody
give you a paper

that looked just like mine?

Yeah.

Name's not Hirsch.

It's officer Penhall.

Somebody has been
blackmailing these kids.

I'm being used in a--

Did you happen to recognize
the voice on the phone?

Anything you can tell me?

It's a whisper.

For all I know it
could be a woman.

They're smart.

I'd appreciate it if you let me
know, you hear anything else.

I'll do that.

Hi.

I should've known it'd be you.

Today is Friday, isn't it?

Is there something wrong?

I hope you don't think
I'm going to enjoy this.

Melinda--

Now what?

Isn't this what you wanted?

Melinda, when I asked you
to tutor me, I meant books.

Oh my God.

You're not him, are you?

Melinda, I'm a cop.

Officer Tony McCann.

And I thought Dave
Burton was in trouble.

I take it you
brought a term paper?

Look, I--

I have two part time jobs,
plus I carry hours.

I just couldn't handle it.

So I bought my
paper for Psych .

OK, when did the
blackmailer call you?

About a week ago.

He-- look, I just
don't have the money.

So he offered you an
alternative instead, right?

Yeah, he just called.

He said he's on his way over.

I thought you were him.

OK.

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

Fuller.

Captain, this is Mac.

I'm at University
Place, apartment .

Look.

Our guy is coming over in
person to collect, so--

Listen, it's going
to take a few minutes

to reach the others.

You want some black and
whites in the meantime?

No, they'll just
scare him off.

CAPTAIN FULLER (ON
PHONE): You know,

this doesn't fit this guy's MO.

I mean I don't
understand this at all.

I do.

Later.

[knocking]

Just a minute.

That's right.

Gary Austin, your
friendly store manager.

Hope you don't mind
if I tell you I'm

glad you don't have the money.

Nice place.

So, selling papers
wasn't enough, huh, Austin?

It's never enough.

Let's go.

Let me know how you like
punching license plates.

DOUG PENHALL: You OK?

Yeah.

Give us a lift to
the station, huh?

Hey, for this guy?

The short cut.

JOEY PENHALL: You scum.

Blackmailing out
of your own company.

You're dumber than you look.

Hey.

So, how'd it go?

Well, I have to
take the course over

again for no credit.

There won't anything on my
record except for [inaudible]..

Well, that's great.

So turning yourself in was
the right thing to do, huh?

Yeah.

Well, it would have been anyway.

Thanks, Mac.

You know, you're welcome.

Osmosis.

[ding]

More pearls of wisdom?

I came to buy my paper back.

Great.

I'm the new boss, and
I lose my best supply.

There's got to be a better
way to make money than this.

I'll delete your paper.

[typing]

Are you sure?

That was simple.

Nothing's that simple.

JUDY HOFFS: Mr. Paxton,
and you said you used

to spoon feed your classes.

Something tells me you're
trying to save the world

from your professors podium.

So?

So you come down to this?

Pushing plagiarism?

You're not actually trying
to get me to quit, are you?

No.

No, I was just trying to get
you go out for a cup of coffee

with me and talk about it.

What are you, a cop?

Yeah.

This is legal.

But is it right?

You're still trying
to save the world.

OK.

All right, I'm out of here.

But listen, tell me this.

When was the last night you
slept all the way through?

Wait.

Coffee sounds good.

I'll buy.

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