07x23 - I'm a Failure as a Leader and He's Also a Failure as a Leader

[bunniefuu]

Gen: Immediately after the accident,

Gen: the Fully a*t*matic Egg-on-Rice Maker malfunctioned,

Gen: extracting your egos instead of the yolks,

Gen: and instead of putting them on steamed rice,

Gen: put them in each other's smashed bodies.

Gen: It made, not egg-on-rice,

Egg,Sign: Egg-on-Rice

Ego,Sign: Ego-in-the-Wrong-Device

Gen: but ego-in-the-wrong-device.

Hij: That wasn't funny, you shitty geezer!

Gin: Give them back! Give our bodies back!

Ta: You two needn't worry.

Ta: Now that it's been repaired,

Ta: if we use this Fully a*t*matic Egg-on-Rice Maker V once again,

Ta: you'll go back to normal.

Gen: Precisely!

Gen: This time, for sure, it will make the perfect egg-on-rice.

Gin: Forget about egg-on-rice already!

Gen: Basically, we just need to extract your egos again

Gen: and warp them, right?

Hij: Hey! Is this gonna work? Is this really gonna work?!

Tam: Gengai-sama, we're all set.

Gen: All right. Here we go.

Gen: Brace yourselves!

Title: I'm a Failure as a Leader, and He's Also a Failure as a Leader

Sign: When using the Fully a*t*matic Egg-on-Rice Maker, please do so in a bright room and watch from a safe distance.

Gen: How's it look?

Ta: Confirmed warp readings from both transfer devices.

Gen: So it worked, huh?

Ta: Gintoki-sama, Hijikata-san, we did it.

Ta: The egos extracted from you came together to create this.

Ta: It's neither cat food nor dog food.

Ta: It's trash.

Bo: Are you kidding me?!

Gin: All you did was warp red bean paste and mayonnaise!

Hij: Who asked you to put our egos on top of steamed rice?!

Ta: You could say it's ego-on-rice.

Ego ,Sign: Ego-on-Rice

Gin: That's not funny, damn it! And nothing's changed!

Gen: Huh? That's weird.

Gen: Why don't we give it another sh*t?

Hij: I'm counting on you guys.

Hij: Don't extract what's in our stomachs. Extract us !

Ta: Good. It worked this time.

Ta: Freshly extracted from you two,

Ta: it's g*nads-on-rice.

Hij: What part of us are you even extracting from?!

Hij: What have you done?!

Hij: My manhood!

Gin: Which ones are mine?

Gin: This one? Is it this one?

Hij: Wait, that's mine!

Gin: Nah. You're me right now, so yours are not mine!

Gin: Huh? Now I'm confused.

Hij: How are you going to fix this?

Hij: It's become some kind of super-complicated puzzle!

Gen: Don't worry.

Gen: One more try, and everything will go back to normal.

Gin: It'd better!

Gin: Take them from the right place this time.

Gin: And you'd better put them back in the right place!

Ta: It worked this time.

Ta: It's genuine trash.

Hij: Why would you put them in that ?!

Gen: What's the meaning of this?

Gen: Why won't it work?

Ta: Gengai-sama.

Ta: Transfer device A is showing an error.

Ta: There was a critical deficiency in the target.

Ta: Apparently that's why the extraction failed.

Gen: Ginnoji,

Gen: it looks like you're missing something.

Hij: What are you talking about?

Ta: Please calm down.

Ta: For now,

Ta: hold this Buf*erin and give it another sh*t.

Hij: Was it kindness?

Hij: Was I missing half my kindness?

Gin: Are you stupid?

Gin: As if that'd be enough to fix it.

Gin: Take another ten with you.

Hij: Wouldn't it be faster to just transfer the Buf*erin instead?

Gen: If we don't figure it out, the device won't function.

Gen: Do you seriously not have any idea at all?

Gen: Did anything happen to you at the time of the accident?

Hij: At the time of the accident?

Hij: The cat's assh*le!

Gin: Hey, wait!

Gin: What do you mean?

Hij: Basically,

Hij: the fragment of the fur ball that got sucked into the cat's assh*le back then

Hij: was one half of my ego!

Hij: Unless I get it back and return to my whole self, we can't use that device!

Gin: You've gotta be kidding me.

Gin: That corpse must've been cleaned up long ago!

Hij: No, that's not it.

Hij: What if my soul made that corpse come back to life?

Gin: You look over there!

Gin: I'll check this way!

Hij: This has turned into a complete mess!

Kat: Well, well.

Kat: What a place for an unexpected run-in with a celebrity.

Kat: If it isn't the Shinsengumi's demonic vice chief,

Kat: Hijikata Toshiro-dono.

Gin: Zura!

Gin: This really sucks! I ran into the last person I wanted to meet in this form!

Kat: It's a bit careless to patrol all by yourself, don't you think?

Kat: I mean, this area is a Joi Rebel hangout.

Kat: There must be lots of people here who'd love to take your head.

Hij: Huh? Sorry, but I don't have time for you guys right now.

Hij: Step aside. I'll let you go this time, Zu—

Hij: Katsura.

Kat: What have we here?

Kat: Is the Shinsengumi vice chief

Kat: really going to ignore the presence of so many enemies?

Kat: Please don't disappoint me.

Kat: You're a policeman. Maintaining Edo's order

Kat: is your duty, is it not?

Hij: Wait, Zura—

Kat: Sheesh. Which one of us is actually defending Edo here?

Hij: Zura?

Kat: I'm not Zura!

Kat: I'm the captain of Odd Jobs Squad Three,

Capt Zura,Sign: Captain of Odd Jobs Squad Three Katsura Kotaro

Kat: Katsura Kotaro!

Kat: Joi Rebels, who disturb Edo's peace,

Slay,Sign: Slay

Kat: are evils that must be slain immediately.

Slay,Sign: Evil

Slay,Sign: Immediately

Kat: I shall adhere to the Odd Jobs Code and bring judgment down upon them!

Gin: Uh, you're a Joi Rebel yourself!

Gin: Why are you in Odd Jobs now?

Gin: Why are you using the Gatotsu, too?!

Kat: I'm not the man I used to be.

Kat: When Gintoki turned over a new leaf and gained the resolve to discipline himself,

Kat: I decided to walk alongside him!

Gin: Uh, the guy next to you is the one you were trading Gatotsus with until yesterday!

Kat: Hijikata-dono.

Kat: You had Joi Rebels in front of you, and yet you tried to flee.

Kat: How can you call yourself a warrior?

Kat: Prepare yourself!

Kat: You may be a cop,

Kat: but you're no exception to our "slay evil immediately" law!

Mad: Hold it, Third Squad Captain.

Mad: This isn't the time to be messing with small fry.

Mad: We received word from one of our informants.

Mad: There's been an incident on Fourth.

Mad: We are to head there immediately.

Mad: They've even got bums who look like Zaraki now!

Sac: That intel is fake.

Sac: They say a talking monster cat appeared.

Sac: It's a malicious rumor that preys on the human heart.

Sac: I've mobilized the ninja squad already.

Sac: I'm sure they've dealt with it by now.

Gin: Just how big an army has Odd Jobs become?!

Kat: A talking cat? Is it a vengeful ghost?

Kat: I cannot ignore this.

Kat: To adhere to the Odd Jobs Code, I must bring judgment down upon it.

Kat: Third Squad, assemble!

Kat: We're moving out, you louts!

All: Slay evil immediately!

Hij: A talking cat?

Hij: Wait just a damn second!

Hij: Don't use the Gatotsu on that!

Gin: This can't be real.

Gin: How am I supposed to look for one cat in a huge city like Edo?

Gin: Damn it! If only I could use the police's information network...

Kon: You seem to be in quite a hurry.

Kon: Running late for a date?

Kon: Yer friendly neighborhood policemen

Kon: would love to give you a ride in our patrol cars

Kon: to a rendezvous in hell!

Hij: Kondo-san!

Hij: This sucks!

Hij: Why'd I have to run into such a troublesome bunch now?

Gin: Thanks, but I don't need your help.

Gin: Don't you policemen have your own jobs to do?

Gin: Get back to your duties.

Kon: Oh, but we are doin' our jobs.

Kon: We found a shady vagabond, so we're questionin' him, is all.

Hij: You're one to talk, shady sleeveless policeman!

Gin: I see your Shinsengumi Code has gotten rather lax.

Gin: Normally, you'd all have to commit su1c1de for neglecting your duties.

G: Hear that, Yamazaki?

G: Shinsengumi Code, he says.

Ymz: That's centuries old, bro.

Ymz: It's ancient history!

Ymz: We're now free policemen, and nobody can hold us down anymore!

Ymz: We swore to Toshi-san that we'd live by nobody's rules but our own!

Hij: Uh, what rules?!

Gin: Those "rules" are just whatever's convenient for you!

Gin: Keep listening to that lazy vice chief,

Gin: and you'll end up as good-for-nothings!

Kon: Shut yer mouth!

Kon: Toshi taught us that freedom is priceless!

Kon: He liberated us from our stifling shackles

Kon: and turned us sleeveless!

Hij: That's what you meant by stifling?!

Hij: Only your shoulders have been liberated!

Kon: I ain't gonna whine about you insulting our vice chief.

Kon: But you insulted our buddy.

Kon: Yer under arrest on charges of buddy defamation!

Kon: And sentenced to being dragged around the city

Kon: and then ex*cuted!

Oki: Gori-san, this isn't the time to be messing with small fry.

Oki: What about that alien thing?

Kon: You mean the tip we got about a cat alien on Fourth?

Gin: W-Wait!

Gin: A cat alien?

Shin: You fiends!

Shin: What do you think you're doing to our president?

Shin: Cops or not, if you act like barbarians and disturb public order,

Shin: we of Odd Jobs shan't let that slide!

Gin: Y-You guys...

Kon: What's this?

Kon: What are children doing here?

Kon: If you wanna pretend to be cops, take it elsewhere!

Shin: You're the ones pretending to be cops.

Shin: Because you cannot be relied upon,

Shin: we've had to maintain Edo's public order ourselves.

Kon: Bullshit.

Kon: Edo's the land of the free.

Kon: You'd better not keep screwing around on our turf, or we'll make you pay.

Shin: If you stand in our way, I'll have to adhere to the Odd Jobs Code

Shin: and hit your filthy face with a Gatotsu Kumon Stance.

Kon: How about you leave all your food and water behind and scram!

Shin: So neither of us is willing to back down.

Kon: Looks like it.

Kon: Which means

Kon: we'll just have to settle it with our swords!

Bo: Hold it!

Gin: All of you...

Hij: ...sheathe your swords.

Hij: I order you as vice chief.

Gin: I order you as president.

Gin: Knock it off already.

Gin: I did tell you to slay evil immediately,

Gin: but are you guys incapable of identifying your enemies?

Hij: There's a limit to freedom, you know.

Hij: This is hardly the time to be fighting these guys, is it?

Hij: Show a little discipline and use your brains for once, you pieces of sh*t.

Hij: They're looking for the cat, and so are we.

Hij: We're both after the same thing.

Hij: Right, Gin-san?

Gin: In that case, we should put our swords away and cooperate.

Gin: Right, Hijikata-san?

Kon: Come on, Toshi.

Kon: What's wrong?

Kon: This ain't like you.

Oki: Things had just gotten interesting.

Oki: Why'd you have to get so damn serious all of a sudden?

Oki: Do you want me coming for your head again, Toshi-san?

Shin: If I may, President,

Shin: you're the one who advocated slaying evil immediately.

Kag: We were just following that.

Kag: Are you going to break the Odd Jobs Code that you created yourself?

Kon: Nobody's gonna take our freedom from us!

Kon: Not even you, Vice Chief!

Shin: We swore loyalty not to the president,

Shin: but to the Odd Jobs Code and our salaries!

Bo: Go!

Bo: They're not listening to their leaders at all!

Hij: sh*t!

Hij: Take it easy, you guys.

Hij: I'm not telling you to make friends with them.

Hij: Just this once,

Hij: just for now, forget about your positions and work together to fulfill a common goal!

Kon: What goal?

Hij: The cat!

Kon: What cat?

Hij: The lost cat! We gotta look for it together!

Cat: Talk about hard times.

Cat: I can't even buy cat food with this.

Cat: Man, I'm starving.

Bo: Oh.

Kon: Looks like this really is no time to be fighting among ourselves.

Shin: Yeah. Let's put it off for now.

Kon: Men! Work together to k*ll that evil monster!

Shin: We must protect Edo from that monstrosity!

Shin: Now is the time to join forces!

Bo: That's not what we meant!

Bo: No! Don't eliminate it!

Gin: What the hell is that, anyway?

Gin: Why did your ego entering a cat's body give birth to that monster?

Hij: Wait, calm down!

Hij: Despite how he looks, he's actually a nice guy.

Hij: He's the personification of Buf*erin, full of kindness—

Cat: Who are you?!

Cat: Don't get in my way!

Gin: What part of him is a "nice guy"?!

Gin: You're screwed if you get beaten by your own other half, you know!

Kon: Don't falter!

Shin: Cursed goblin!

Shin: We must slay that evil immediately!

Cat: Do you guys know me, by any chance?

Kag: Eat this, you piece of sh*t!

Cat: Tell me!

Cat: Who in the world am I?!

Cat: I don't remember anything!

Cat: The only memories I have are of battles with lots of bloodshed

Cat: and battles with lots of balls!

Hij: Dear God.

Hij: He's not just my other half.

Hij: He's a big lump of the negative parts of me.

Hij: A sorry combat machine,

Hij: made of nothing but memories of blood-stained battles in w*r and pachinko.

Gin: That's just a lowlife!

Gin: Or, well, it's just you!

G: Your orders, President!

Hij: What are you guys doing?

Hij: Figure something out yourselves!

G: How, exactly?

Cat: I smell new pachinko machines over there.

Shin: Wait!

Kon: sh**t! He ran away!

Shin: Damn it!

Shin: I can't believe we lost to him.

Shin: Why?

Kon: Toshi!

Kon: We did everything as you said, so why?!

Hij: Because we're not your leaders.

Gin: Sorry

Gin: for being such worthless leaders.

Gen: Looks like they weren't the only ones not acting like themselves.

Gen: A free-spirited Shinsengumi,

Gen: and a disciplined and orderly Odd Jobs.

Gen: That's all very nice.

Gen: But don't you guys have a style of your own?

Gen: If the makeup of a leader can change an organization,

Gen: then the makeup of an organization can also change its leader.

Gen: They need your help.

Gen: But as you are right now, you won't be of any help at all.

Gen: You still haven't realized?

Gen: I guess that's understandable, because it is an unbelievable story.

Gen: Then let me teach you.

Gen: Tama!

Gen: Your leaders, and your true colors...

Gen: Put your bodies on the line

Gen: and go take it all back!

Hij: Where'd that freak go?

Gin: He definitely ran over here.

Hij: You get it, don't you?

Gin: Yeah.

Gin: These are the seeds we sowed.

Gin: We can't get anyone else mixed up in this.

Hij: We're gonna settle things ourselves...

Gin: ...staking all of our pride as leaders on it.

Hij: There he is!

Gin: It's him.

Hij: Oh, no! He went into a civilian home!

Gin: This is bad. If that combat machine encounters a civilian...

Gin: We must stop him before things get any worse!

Hij: Huh?

Hij: Wait, isn't this...

Gin: Found him! He's over there!

Gin: Watch out!

Gin: Get away from him—

Tae: Welcome back.

Tae: You were out pretty late tonight.

Tae: Where did you go to play today, Dozaemon-san?

Hij: S-Some—

Tae: Dinner's ready.

Hij: Someone's keeping him as a pet!

Hij: There was a monster that domesticated that monster!

Gin: Hey! What's going on here?

Gin: Why is she with that monster?!

Hij: Don't tell me she mistook it for an abandoned cat and brought it home?!

Gin: She sees that as a cat?

Gin: She sees a creature that needs mosaic censorship as a pet?!

Tae: Dozaemon-san, I'm so relieved to see you're healthy again.

Gin: But his eyeball is popped out!

Tae: I was so shocked when I first met you.

Tae: You were lying on the street in a pool of your own blood, not moving.

Cat: Oh, this isn't blood.

Cat: It's just how my coat looks.

Tae: I never knew a cat could have fur like that.

Gin: That's not what you should be shocked about!

Cat: You saved my life by nursing me back then.

Cat: I don't know how to express my gratitude.

Gin: Wait, it can have normal conversations?!

Gin: Hey, what does that woman think she's keeping as a pet?

Tae: No need to be shy.

Tae: Shin-chan's been so busy with work lately that he hasn't come home at all,

Tae: and this place is too big for one person, so I didn't know what to do.

Cat: But I can't bother you any more than I already have.

Cat: I was thinking I should get going soon.

Tae: You're leaving already?

Cat: My wounds have mostly healed.

Cat: Besides, uh...

Cat: If people were to find out that a young, unmarried lady

Cat: brought a dirty stray home,

Cat: who knows what they'd say?

Gin: That's what you're worried about?!

Gin: Why not show concern about her bringing a monster home?!

Cat: If I stayed with you, I'd end up dragging your name through the mud.

Cat: I'd rather rot away than bite the hand that fed me.

Gin: You already have! What's with this guy?

Gin: Has he always been this chivalrous?!

Tae: You don't have to care about that, you know.

Tae: If there were rumors about, um,

Tae: you and me, would it really bother you that much?

Cat: O-Of course not!

Tae: Then stop worrying about silly things.

Cat: Right...

Tae: As the daughter of a samurai family, throwing someone with amnesia out in the cold

Tae: would bring me much more shame.

Tae: Until you regain your memories...

Tae: No, even if you don't,

Tae: you can stay here and make new ones.

Tae: You're already my pet, after all.

Cat: Milady,

Cat: I am forever grateful.

Gin: What the hell?!

Gin: Why'd those two turn into Takakura Ken and Baisho Chieko?!

Hij: I'm happy for you, my other half.

Gin: What are you crying for?!

Gin: What are you gonna do? How are you gonna get your ego back?

Gin: Baisho Chieko definitely won't let you!

Tae: Here. I put all my skill into making tonight's dinner, so eat up.

Cat: Thanks for the food.

Tae: Dozaemon-san?!

Cat: Wh-Who am I?

Gin: So that's how he lost his memories?!

Tae: Pull yourself together, Dozaemon-san!

Tae: Why did it end up like this?

Gin: Because of that toxic waste you cooked, that's why!

Gin: At this rate, your other half is going to stay a pet for the rest of his life!

Hij: Go persuade that woman somehow.

Hij: We don't have a choice! I'm you right now!

Hij: She'll think something's up if I go see her out of nowhere.

Hij: It'd be much more natural for you to approach her as Gin-san.

Hij: You gotta act like Gin-san and persuade her like Gin-san would!

Gin: You've gotta be kidding me! Why would I—

Hij: So you don't mind staying in the body you're in, then?

Gin: Y-Yo...

Gin: Otae, pardon the intrusion.

Tsuzuku,: To Be Continued

Sign: Preview

Hij: Since you did it last week, I'll handle the preview this time.

Hij: Screw you! I'm going to nail it this—

Title: I'm Odd Jobs, and He's Shinsengumi

Sin: What? Already?! The preview's too short!

text r: Next episode previews can sometimes be really short, so take note.

text l: The Gintoki and Hijikata Ego Switch Arc comes to an end next week.

text r: Will Gintoki's ego manage to retrieve its other half?

text l: It looked like Shinpachi and the others got run over. Will they be all right?!