09x01 - The Stairs to Adulthood May Not Always Lead Up

[bunniefuu]

Gintama,Sign: Gintama

Sign: The Story So Far

Shin: The land of the samurai.

Shin: There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.

Shin: Now, the world has entered a Great Pirate Era!

Shin: By a twist of fate, our hero Gin-san ate a Wave Wave Fruit, gained a perm,

Shin: decided to solve all his problems with money,

Shin: and left on a journey to find the Pirate King's treasure.

Boom: ,Boom!

Gin: I'm gonna be the king of the nouveau rich!

Shin: On his travels,

Internal: ,he met a girl looking for seven balls that can summon a shining dragon:

Internal: ,the genius beauty Kagura-chan.

Kag: I'll let you feel all the romance.

Shin: On the way, they also picked up a glasses monster.

Shin: Shinpachu!

Kag: Wow, you must be a glasses Friend!

Gin: Hey, Shinpachu, bring out the Japari Bus. I'm tired of walking.

Shin: They all worked together,

Shin: defeated the terrifying evil overlord,

Sign: Two Years Later...

Shin: and two years later,

Shin: the three of them reunited at the Jabondy Archipelago

Sign: World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam

Shin: and were about to take the World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam...

Shin: Are you kidding me?

Shin: What the hell is this recap?!

Gin: Y'know, we've been doing a bunch of long arcs, reruns, and breaks lately,

Gin: so I wrote that, figuring we should casually look back on the story.

Shin: You casually filled it with lies!

Shin: And you ripped off too many series!

Kag: Roughly put, the story did go something like that.

Kag: In the last long arc, for example, we went to another planet out in space

Kag: and fought a combat race whose strong emotions awakened their powers.

Shin: Uh, that is somewhat right, but...

Shin: Hell, you were basically the star of that arc. Sure you wanna sum it up that way?

Shin: Listen up.

Shin: We didn't learn the Whateverhameha or become Whatever Masters.

Shin: We're not headed for the Whatever Line, either!

Sign: ShogunAssassination

Sign: FarewellShinsengumi

Shin: We were originally supposed to enter the final long arc now,

Sign: Battle onRakuyo

Sign: Final Arc?

Shin: but stuff happened, and now we're here.

Sign: Slip Arc

Shin: Gin-san, you're basically a guy with a perm and dead fish eyes.

Sign: Kabuki District First

Shin: You run an odd jobs business in Edo's Kabuki District.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Shin: Kagura-chan, you're one of the Yato, a combat race,

Shin: a glutton, and you always carry an umbrella.

Shin: And I, Shinpachi,

Shin: am Suda Masaki in D.

Bo: How long are you gonna keep talking about the live-action movie?

Gin: Enough with the Suda nonsense! No more Granbluing!

Kag: Y'know, the more you do that, the more miserable you'll be.

Kag: Open your eyes!

Shin: But I have to ride this wave and get myself a hottie image!

Kag: What others do doesn't matter to us!

Gin: Come on! Let's start the anime already!

Bo: Okay...

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc

Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV!

UB: Yeah, the sunshine on Earth is too much to handle.

UB: I feel like I'm going bald.

UB: Earth really isn't a planet we Yato are meant to live on.

UB: Kagura-chan said it didn't bother her,but will she really be okay?

UB: Sure, she may be fine now,

UB: but what if staying here too long affects her body—

G: Hey, check that out.

G: That old dude's got an umbrella even though it ain't raining.

G: He should probably get some sun and photosynthesize or something.

G: It'd help his head.

UB: Hey!

UB: What in the world happened to you two?

UB: Your entire body is toasted!

Punk: What do you think you're doing, old man?

UB: Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance now!

G: No, call the cops instead!

G: Somebody help!

UB: This planet really is dangerous.

UB: If Kagura-chan stays here, someday...

UB: Her whole body might end up toasted, and she might bring home a toasted boyfriend.

TB: We're already expecting.

UB: There might be a new toasted life growing in her womb.

UB: We'd have no choice but to throwa shotgun wedding in the shadows.

UB: But in a matter of months, her married life would be toast.

TB: It's all b*rned!

UB: Unable to fend for herself and her child as a single toast mother...

Kag: Oh dear, mister. Your whole body's so toasted.

UB: She'd start working at a shady shop.

UB: Eventually, even her heart would be toasted black, and...

Cop: We found a b*rned, toasted will.

Sign: Forgive me, Daddy.

UB: I won't stand for it!

UB: Daddy will not accept toast of any sort!

UB: If you stay here, everything will be toast!

UB: I'm gonna take her back before everything becomes toast!

G: Hey, sir.

Sign: Hair Growth Powder{\fs\b}Toasty{\b}{\fs}A magical way to hide your hair loss{\fs\c&HD&}Free Trial Period

G: We're running a free trial period right now.

G: Would you like to try it?

G: One spray, and your head will be a toasty black.

UB: I won't stand for it!

UB: Only Daddy's head needs to be toasty!

UB: That's enough! Daddy has enough hair on his head!

UB: Be it Daddy's hair or your life here on Earth, this is plenty!

UB: You should say goodbye to this rotten place...

UB: That's Kagura-chan.

UB: Thank goodness. Looks like she's not toasted yet.

Sign: Kagura-chan

Boy: Um, here.

Boy: You can give me your answer some other time.

Boy: Bye.

Kag: Hey, wait.

Kag: What is this?

Kag: Let's see...

Kag: Dear Kagura-chan...

Sign: Dear Kagura-chan,Ever since we first met,I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

Kag: Ever since we first met, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

Kag: All this while, I've played with you like you were one of the guys,

road safety: ,Road Safety Be careful up ahead!!

Kag: but I can't suppress these feelings anymore.

Kag: Please go out with me.

Kag: My heart is

Kag: burning with such passionate love for you

Kag: that it is now toasted pitch-black.

Ep Title,Title: The Stairs to AdulthoodMay Not Always Lead Up

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Shin: Hey!

Shin: What the heck is this? What happened?

Gin: Pachi-boy, I asked you to get me a spoon.

Gin: If you're giving me such a massive spoon, give me a massive serving of pudding, too.

UB: I assume you're okay with that...

UB: as your last supper.

UB: You're okay with that?

Shin: U-Umibozu-san?

Gin: Oh, Pops. If you'd told us you were coming,

Gin: we would've got another pudding for you.

Gin: Did you go out of your way to get your own

Gin: shiny pudding?

UB: My head is not shiny pudding!

Gin: Why are you so cranky pudding as soon as you get here? Aren't you being rude?

UB: I don't wanna hear that from a guy who keeps calling my head pudding!

UB: You were supposed to look after my precious daughter! What were you looking at?

UB: This is the height of negligence!

Shin: Huh? Did something happen to Kagura-chan?

Kag: I'm home!

Kag: Huh? You're here, Daddy?

Kag: Long time no see.

UB: Kagura!

Kag: Perfect timing. I've got good news to share with you all.

UB: No! I don't wanna hear it!

Kag: I have a boyfriend now.

UB: Wait a second.

UB: Not "I got a love letter"?

UB: "Boyfriend"?

Kag: We're going on a date tomorrow.

Kag: What should I wear?

Gin: Uh, Shinpachi...

Gin: What's a "boyfriend" again?

Gin: Like these things?

Shin: No, that's a dry limb.

Shin: "Dry limb" and "boyfriend" barely sound alike.

Gin: Like this, then?

Shin: Uh, that's "boyfriend death."

Sign: Boyfriend DEATH

Shin: Get away from the tree already. Just take the guy.

Gin: Oh, so like this?

Shin: Why'd you turn it into Chris's evolution chart?

Shin: He just evolved from dry limbs to more dry limbs!

UB: How could this be?

UB: He said he'd wait for his answer, but she gave it to him so quickly?

UB: And she said okay?!

UB: What're you gonna do about this?

UB: This wouldn't have happened if you'd kept an eye on her!

Gin: Calm down. This has to be some bad joke.

Gin: Kagura, of all people, could never get a boyfriend.

UB: You're right.

UB: This has to be some kind of bad joke or bad dream, right?

Gin: Exactly.

Gin: Who'd fall for that vulgar, gluttonous mass with no sex appeal—that hurloine?

Gin: She probably just got Punk'd or something.

Gin: She's your daughter. She inherited all your unlucky genes.

Gin: Have more faith in her.

UB: You're right!

UB: This couldn't happen to a girl who was swimming in my filthy b*lls...

UB: Who're you calling a filthy b*ll girl?!

Gin: I never went that far.

Gin: Please, cool off your b*ll head for a sec.

Gin: Don't worry. This can't be real.

Shin: You never know.

Shin: I've heard that even grade schoolers are dating these days.

Shin: And while Kagura-chan may look childish, she's fourteen.

Shin: Besides, if you go just by looks, she's a beauty.

Shin: Considering all that—

UB: Hey, what do you mean, grade schoolers?

UB: Has this planet gotten that dirty?

Earth,Sign: Earth

UB: Earth?

UB: More like Dirth!

Dirth,Sign: Dirth

UB: Can I destroy it now?

UB: Can I get serious now?

Shin: Please calm down.

Shin: I called it "dating," but they're just playing.

Shin: It's all just a game!

Gin: Hey...

Gin: What do you mean, it's just a game?

Shin: Not you, too!

Gin: Don't tell me they satisfy their urges,

Gin: wrap the girl with paper from their Japonica Notebooks, and chuck her in the trash.

Gin: If they do that,

Gin: can I stick jet packs in their backpacks and pitch them to the edge of the galaxy?

Gin: Can I turn them into the backpack constellation?

Shin: Calm down, both of you!

Shin: I'm just speaking hypothetically!

Shin: You're getting too worked up!

Shin: Also, if you're so bothered by it, you could just ask Kagura-chan directly!

UB: Y-You go.

Gin: Why me? Aren't you her father?

UB: Shut up! That's exactly why I don't know how to face her at times like these!

UB: You could bring it up casually.

UB: Just go already.

Gin: What are you saying? You sound pathetic.

Gin: Shinpachi, you go.

Shin: Where did that come from?

Gin: Shaddup.

Gin: When you're trying to climb the stairs to adulthood,

Gin: adults shouldn't be yelling at you from the top.

Gin: This calls for one nowhere near the stairs,

Gin: a primitive lifeform like you still groveling on the ground.

Shin: Who're you calling an amoeba?!

Shin: Jeez, fine.

Shin: I'll go ask her, then.

Gin: Wait, time out!

Shin: What is it?

Gin: Never mind. You don't have to ask her anything.

Shin: Make up your damn mind!

Kag: Boy, I'm so hungry.

Kag: Is dinner ready?

Kag: Wow, it's red rice!

Kag: What's up? Did something good happen?

UB: Huh? Uh, what's up, you ask?

Er...

UB: What was up, Gintoki-kun?

Gin: Huh? U-Uh, y'know, bo...

Gin: Boy...

Gin: Boy, oh, boy! Curry came out of your father's crotch!

Kag: What's so good about that?

UB: W-Well, I've been constipated lately,

UB: so, like, we're celebrating the tunnel opening?

Gin: Maybe we should've gone with curry instead of red rice, huh, Father?

UB: But it came out with such force that there was blood mixed in, too.

UB: It's okay this way, I say.

Kag: There goes my appetite.

Gin: Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Gin: We're sorry!

Gin: This isn't something we should talk about over dinner, huh?

UB: Hurry up and take a seat.

UB: Shinpachi-kun went to great pains to make this.

All: Let's eat!

Gin: Hey, ask her already, you stupid cue ball!

UB: Who do you think you're calling a cue ball?

UB: You're sorely mistaken if you think light hair doesn't fall off.

UB: Don't you know how it went with Uncle Jam?

Gin: You're the one with the Uncle Jam head!

UB: You're wasting the chance we made this celebratory red rice to create.

Gin: You don't intend to celebrate a hair on her head.

Gin: Your roots have all d*ed out, so what are you talking about?

UB: They haven't! They're just taking a break because it's half-time.

Gin: Are you that scared to find out the truth?

Gin: Are you that scared of your daughter growing up?

UB: I'm not the least bit scared.

UB: I just wanna say that when she leaves Earth,

UB: it'll be a long-distance relationship, and it'll be hard to keep up.

UB: You're the one feeling lonely because you feel like she's grown distant from you.

Gin: As if! In fact, that's exactly what I want.

Gin: I'm just worried she'll neglect her work because she's distracted by love.

Gin: I'm totally ready to celebrate this.

Gin: I'm totally gonna get another helping of red rice.

UB: Screw you!

UB: I'm eating more helpings!

Gin: Shut up!

Gin: I'll eat enough red beans to match my age!

UB: I'm older than you, so I can eat more!

Gin: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of hair roots I have!

UB: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of dead roots I have!

Gin: So you admit they've all d*ed out?!

Kag: What are those two morons doing?

Shin: S-Say, Kagura-chan...

Shin: You mentioned this earlier,

Shin: but is it true you got a boyfriend?

Kag: I don't really get it.

Kag: I got a love letter, but honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet.

Kag: I don't really understand all that love stuff, anyway.

Kag: But I could feel how much heart he put into what he wrote,

Kag: so I figured I could at least go on a date—

Bo: That won't do, Kagura-chan!

Gin: Dating someone out of sympathy or pity is the most insulting thing to them!

Gin: It'll end up hurting them the most!

UB: You should break up with him.

UB: Right, Gintoki-kun?

Gin: That's right.

Gin: You shouldn't sell yourself short. Don't you agree, Father?

Kag: But you could fall for someone once you start dating them, couldn't you?

Kag: That's what Daddy said about his shotgun marriage.

UB: Some romances start in bed, too.

Gin: You're the root cause? What the hell were you telling a child?!

UB: You've got the wrong idea! That's not what I meant there...

Kag: Anyway, I have a date tomorrow, so I'm going to bed now.

UB: Wait, Kagura-chan.

Gin: Feel free to go on a date or whatever.

UB: But before that...

Bo: Could you introduce your boyfriend to us?

How many have we been to now?

UB: Pops...

Gin: One more.

Shin: You're drinking too much, you two!

Shin: You're meeting Kagura-chan's boyfriend tomorrow, remember?

UB: Shut up! Boyfriend, my ass!

UB: I don't care who he is or where he's from. I haven't accepted him yet.

Gin: Yeah, dumbass.

Gin: It's way too early for a runt like her to be getting into an illicit relationship.

Gin: Who gave her permission to ride the escalator to adulthood?

Gin: Who does she think raised her until now? Damn it all.

UB: Uh, that's my line.

UB: When exactly did you raise her?

Gin: You neglected caring for your daughter and your hair, cue ball.

Gin: It's too late for you to start acting like a dad!

UB: I didn't neglect anything!

UB: I simply respected the independence of my daughter and my hair!

UB: They've both just gone to study abroad, is all!

Gin: But they've totally run into trouble there!

Gin: They're never coming back now!

UB: They will! They'll come home all blonde!

Shin: Oh, jeez. Stop it, you two.

Shin: I understand why you're so worried,

Shin: but everyone with a daughter has to face this day eventually.

Shin: He must be a nice boy, considering Kagura-chan accepted him.

Shin: But if we, the hosts, act like this, we'll end up embarrassing her.

Shin: While it might get a bit lonely,

Shin: we must grow up, too.

Shin: Well, I'll be leaving now.

Shin: You two make sure to act like grown-ups tomorrow.

UB: Grown-up, huh?

UB: Yeah, it's really childish to get this worked up over a boyfriend.

UB: I get it. I really do.

UB: When she was a baby, I used to be so happy to see her grow up by the day.

UB: Be it her first steps, or when she first learned to speak,

UB: everything was a life-changing experience.

UB: When was it that I stopped finding joy in her growing up?

UB: When did I start feeling more lonely than happy?

Gin: I used to think a grown-up's job was to run in front while the kids follow behind.

Gin: But when they eventually overtake us,

Gin: it's also our job to send them off with a smile, huh?

Gin: Man, I can still keep running, though.

UB: That's exactly it.

UB: You and I are both still snot-faced brats.

Gin: Shall we take them, too...

Gin: The stairs to adulthood?

Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Shin: I wonder if those two will be all right.

Shin: They were acting like children last night,

Shin: but they did promise to behave like adults today.

Shin: I guess it should be okay.

Bo: Welcome!

Bo: Welcome to the Sakata household!

Gin: Oh, it's just you, Shinpachi-kun.

Shin: What are you doing? That'd scare the living daylights out of anyone!

UB: Sorry, sorry.

UB: We've been waiting in standby since last night for the boyfriend to arrive,

UB: so we got a little too excited.

Shin: Since last night?!

Gin: And when we practiced our smiles so we could welcome the boyfriend with a smile,

Gin: we fell into a "how do you smile,"

Gin: "what even is a smile,"

Gin: and "how is 'smile' spelled" loop.

UB: Are we smiling? Have we managed to smile?

Shin: Yeah, but there's nothing happy about it!

UB: We'll be grown-ups today.

UB: We won't embarrass Kagura.

UB: You don't need to worry.

Shin: Uh, where will you find grown-ups who smile like that?

Shin: It's nice that you tried to better yourselves, but you took it too far!

Shin: You need to be more natural!

UB: We know, Shinpachi-kun.

UB: Acting too high-and-mighty would only put unnecessary pressure on the boy.

UB: Relax.

UB: We're grown-ups today.

Gin: But as grown-ups, we can't really dress casually here...

Bo: ...so we decided to get some formals at least.

Shin: You took growing up too literally!

Shin: What the hell are you two doing?

Shin: Is this what you meant by being grown up?

UB: Huh?

Gin: What do you mean?

Shin: Don't give me that!

Shin: You're intimidating as hell!

Shin: You can feel the pressure in the air!

Gin: You must be imagining things.

Gin: Upper bodies in this anime have always been like this.

Shin: When did we become Captain Tsubasa?!

Gin: Calm down, Shinpachi.

Gin: You're the one acting unnatural.

Gin: We're the hosts. We just need to be ready to welcome with open arms.

Shin: No, you're the unnatural one! And your open arms are way too big!

Great_Nature_Dei,Sign: Great Nature Deism Daily

Gin: Huh? Isn't this yesterday's Great Nature paper?

Gin: Jeez, throw it away.

Shin: What the hell kind of newspaper are you reading?

Shin: Stop it! It'll make the family situation look complicated and troublesome!

UB: Oh, Mother.

UB: Oh, Gaia.

UB: Kagura-chan is bringing her boyfriend over.

UB: We'll gain another follower.

Shin: Hey! Who said you could build a creepy altar in our place?!

Shin: What're you praying to it for?!

Shin: What kind of secrets does this family have?!

Gin: This is it, right? We just have to act naturally like this, right?

Shin: This is too scary!

Shin: You got so conscious about the natural part,

Shin: you've made this household nothing but unnatural!

Shin: Forget her boyfriend, Kagura-chan will lose all her friends like this!

Kag: Hey.

Kag: I brought my boyfriend.

Shin: I gotta clean all of this up!

Shin: Listen up. You two just try not to do anything stupid.

Shin: Just smile and sit there. Got that?

Gin: Hey, you remember the agreement, right?

UB: Yeah.

Gin: If one of us goes out of control, the other will stop him, no matter what.

Gin: As Kagura's guardian and Kagura's father,

Gin: we must act like grown-ups and not embarrass ourselves.

UB: But don't let him walk over you.

UB: Say what you need to.

UB: If they're willing to have a clean relationship befitting their age,

UB: we won't stand in their way. We must make that clear.

UB: It's okay.

UB: I only saw him from behind, but he was a normal kid.

UB: If grown-ups talk to him seriously, he should understand.

UB: I mean, look how grown up we are.

UB: He's probably never seen anyone this grown up.

Gin: What's up, Kagura? Where's your boyfriend?

Kag: He said he can't come inside.

Gin: Huh? Is he feeling shy?

Gin: Just tell him to come in.

Kag: Like I said, he's saying he can't come inside.

Gin: Oh, for crying out loud. Did he get cold feet?

Gin: Hey, boyfriend! You can come in!

Gin: There's nothing to be afraid of!

Gin: He's kinda pathetic.

Gin: Is this gonna be okay?

UB: Well, I guess I can understand.

UB: I mean, there are two grown-ass grown-ups here. Of course he'd be scared.

UB: He's only a child. A big baby.

Bo: He really is a big baby!

TBC,Sign: To Be Continued

Sign: Preview

Kag: The guys are whining too much just because I got a boyfriend.

Kag: Girls eventually start staying out late and coming back the next morning on their own.

Kag: Get ready for it!

My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses

Kag: Next time: "My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses."

TextR: Kagura brought home her big boyfriend.

TextL: It shocked even the grown-ass grown-ups.

TextR: What's more, casual introductionswon't be enough?

TextL: Their relationship takes a sudden turn?!