09x07 - The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist

[bunniefuu]

Oki: Show yourself.

Oki: There's no point in hiding.

Oki: Mine's howling, too.

Oki: Senbe the Manslayer.

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc

Title: The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist

Smithy,Sign: Smithy

Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!

Tet: There. All done.

Kag: You finished reforging?

Shin: The reborn Kusanagi-san is finally complete?

Tet: Yeah. I'm glad I somehow finished in time for the battle tomorrow.

Tet: As a smith, I've done everything I can.

Tet: Now, depending on his wielder, he can become an incredible sword or a blunt one.

Tet: Gin-san,

Tet: the rest is up to you.

Kus: Uh, ya haven't finished at all!

Kus: Talk about hasty patchwork!

Kus: What was all that clangin' I heard earlier? This ain't the work of a smith!

Kus: It's a DIY disaster!

Gin: Great job, Tetsuko.

Gin: He was so blunt before, but now his retorts are razor sharp.

Kus: Yer impressed with that? Why make me so tiny?!

Kus: I can't even fit in Scabberina like this, let alone win the duel!

Kus: It'd be so loose! She'd think I'm impotent!

Gin: Quit nitpicking.

Gin: Even if you hadn't broken here, you were already broken inside.

Gin: Besides, your wife was always a loose s*ut anyway. You're a perfect fit.

Kus: Who're ya callin' a s*ut?!

Tet: S-Sorry. I did what I could, but...

Gin: Don't worry, Tetsuko.

Gin: You already granted my wish to get this guy outta my ass.

Gin: An impotent sword like this would lose even before getting to the love hotel,

Gin: so we've gotta boycott the duel...

Kus: Not on my watch.

Gin: D-Damn you...

Gin: You can remotely control your broken bits?!

Kus: Ya just wanted ta get me outta ya, eh?

Kus: That ain't gonna fly.

Kus: Take responsibility for turnin' me inta this and win that duel tomorrow!

Gin: Screw you!

Gin: How am I supposed to fight with an impotent sword like you?

Kus: Shaddup!

Kus: Length doesn't make a man! Speed does!

Gin: You finish quick, too? Damn, there's nothing good about you!

Kag: Don't worry, Gin-chan. It's not length or speed that makes a man.

Kag: It's how many rounds he can fight!

Kag: To boost your regenerative ability,

Kag: stick your sword in b*rned sand and iced water alternatively in this special drill!

Shin: What sword are you drilling?!

Shin: What now, Tetsuko-san?

Tet: It'll be hard for him to be a longsword again.

Tet: Even if I want to reforge him as a short one, I don't know if his body can take it.

Tet: Part of the reason he broke was that his blade had grown weak with age.

Tet: But it seems an old wound played a part, too.

Shin: An old wound?

Tet: Kusanagi...

Tet: That's why you've become so blunt, right?

Kus: I really can't hide anythin' from ya, eh, Tetsuko-han?

Kus: The truth is...

Kus: I already fought ta take Scabberina back once a long time ago.

Gin: What's with that woman?

Gin: She'd gotten it on with some other sword in the past, too? Shameless hussy, much?

Kus: Take that back!

Kus: That ain't it. That ain't it at all.

Kus: Scabberina wasn't originally my scabbard. She was his.

Kus: In other words, she and I are... uh...

Shin: You were the one who stole her originally?!

Kus: Anyone'd assume that. Maybe this is all karma.

Kus: But back then, I just couldn't leave her alone.

: Her husband was a masterpiece known ta all on Planet Excalibur:

: the cursed sword, Maganagi.

: A mad sword whose name made others run with their blades between their legs.

: He wasn't feared 'cause of his sharpness alone, but also for his savagery.

: We excaliburlings do our work by being used as bloodsucking biological weapons.

: But Maganagi is worse.

: His staple food is swords, meaning...

: He's a cannibal.

: He maintained his absurd sharpness by suckin' the energy of his own.

: All the scabbards chosen ta house him met with tragic ends.

: Each and every day, they had their energy sucked out and were left ta rot.

: And once they ran out, they were dumped.

: Ta him, Scabberina may have just been his latest of hundreds of scabbards,

: but ta me, she was an irreplaceable, dear childhood friend.

: I just couldn't sit there and watch her cry,

: even if it meant goin' up against the cursed sword Maganagi.

Tet: Oh, is that when you got that wound?

Kus: I couldn't b*at him, of course,

Kus: but I barely managed ta survive and take Scabberina back.

Kus: We came ta Earth ta get away from him, too.

Kus: I never thought things would end up this way.

Kus: What's worse, even Maganagi's...

Gin: Maganagi's what? What're you talking about?

Kus: Ya guys saw him, too...

Kus: That ominous form of his.

Oki: Never expected you to have one of those, too.

Sen: You took the words right out of my mouth.

Sen: I'm in luck today.

Sen: After I spent years and years looking for those two,

Sen: I found them both in one day.

Sen: I was planning to devour him first,

Sen: but whatever.

Sen: If I grab what you've got there, he'll come to me himself.

Oki: Not sure what you're talking about, but it seems my Scarlett is pretty popular.

Oki: And I was having trouble sleeping because my blood's been itching for action.

Oki: You won't exactly make for a great warm-up before the boss,

Oki: but I hope you'll at least be a light appetizer, Senbe-san.

Sen: Senbe? Who the heck is that?

Gin: Wait, was it the sword that guy was carrying this afternoon?

Kus: No doubt about it.

Kus: I'm sure he noticed me, too.

Kus: It's only a matter of time before he also locates Scabberina.

Kus: This is no time ta be worryin' about old wounds.

Gin: He may be a terrifying sword or whatever,

Gin: but whether he's harmful is up to his wielder, no?

Kus: Normally, yeah.

Kus: But not with him.

Kus: Unlike me, he doesn't stick himself inta filthy asses and get cozy with his wielder.

Mag: Don't misunderstand.

Mag: I'm not Senbe or whatever.

Mag: My name is...

Mag: Maganagi.

Mag: Cursed Sword Maganagi!

Kus: His wielder's body is nothin' but a tool to him.

Kus: He wields himself.

Kus: Maganagi's blade doesn't pierce any filthy asses.

Kus: It pierces people's very souls and makes them his own!

Mag: Huh?

Oki: Sorry, Senbe-san.

Oki: I forgot Rakugo Masters was airing today. I'll just go home.

Mag: What?!

Oki: Jeez, why do all rakugo programs air late nights or early mornings?

Mag: Wait a second. We dragged this out from last week, so what's this?

Mag: I acted all cool, and this is how it ends?

Mag: And what's with that guy?

Mag: He took me, Maganagi, out with just one swing!

Mag: W-Wait, Okita Sogo.

Mag: Hey, forget about rakugo for now!

Mag: If you want Rakugo Masters, I've got it on DVD!

Mag: Listen to me for a second!

Mag: Hey, wait!

World_Clash_Tour,Sign: World Clash Tournament Venue

Kon: Odd Jobs sure is late.

World_Clash_Tour,Sign: World Clash Tournament Venue

Kon: Please don't tell me he got cold feet.

Ymz: You know that's never happening with the boss.

Ymz: Probably hasn't gotten that sword out of his ass yet.

Kon: Oh, I don't see Sogo or Toshi, either.

Kon: What's going on here? Are we the only ones up for this?

Ymz: Captain Okita has been gone since yesterday.

Ymz: Vice Chief heard this morning that Senbe the Manslayer was passed out on the street,

Ymz: so he went to check that out.

Kon: Senbe was what?

Ymz: Arresting him was well and good, but he's been acting strange.

G: Oh, he's here!

Kon: There you are. Looks like your bum sword is usable now.

Gin: My bum sword?

Gin: Oh, you mean this Alienslayer?

Kon: Lies!

Gin: Huh? What do you mean?

Kon: Don't give me that! There's no way that massive thing was stuck in your ass!

Gin: Quit harping. The part that was inside was actually this big.

Kon: You're the one harping! This duel will decide which sword deserves the scabbard!

Kon: You made the rules!

It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was far too large to be calleda sword stuck in my ass.

Gin: It was far too large to be called a sword stuck in my ass.

Gin: It was a far too large, thick, heavy,

It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was a far too large, thick, heavy, and much too crude a lie.

Gin: and much too crude a lie.

Kon: Don't use Berserk's narration to announce your regrets!

Gin: You're such a nag.

Gin: I have the one that was stuck in my ass right here as a short sword.

Gin: Samurai always carried two swords, anyway.

Gin: Let me at least act like a samurai during a real-sword fight.

Kon: Spouting BS like that is completely unlike a samurai!

Tet: Gin-san...

Tet: That's really not going to work.

Kag: This is much better.

Kon: That's not the issue here!

Kon: All you did was switch from Berserk to FF!

Gin: Not interested.

Gin: It was far too advanced to be called FF anymore.

It_was_far_too_l,Sign: It was far too advanced to be called FF anymore.

Gin: I liked the fantasies like and better.

It_was_far_too_l,Sign: I liked the fantasies like and better.

Kon: What're you even on about?!

Oki: Now, now. Let him do as he pleases.

: Sogo!

Oki: If we're gonna fight to the death,

Oki: going all-out with our weapons of choice would be more fun.

Oki: Right, boss?

Gin: Lucky! We made it through somehow.

Kus: This could work! This might just work!

Oki: Besides...

Oki: I found myself a new w*apon too, actually.

Oki: Right, Senbe-san?

Mag: L-Look, I'm not Senbe.

Mag: I'm telling you I'm Cursed Sword Maganagi, sir.

Edo_Hospital,Sign: Edo Hospital

Hij: Senbe.

Hij: Hey, Senbe.

G: He's been like this ever since he regained consciousness.

G: Could it be his wound?

Hij: It didn't reach his brain.

Hij: Somebody spotted a Shinsengumi member fighting him last night.

Hij: One thrust was apparently all it took.

Hij: He defeated Senbe the Manslayer with one strike.

Hij: And he barely kept him alive by the skin of his teeth.

Hij: It could only have been one guy.

G: Captain Okita?

G: So that total sadist terrorized him into this state.

Hij: Nah. The way I see it, this guy wasn't broken anytime recently.

G: Are you saying he went around slaying people in this state?

Hij: Probably not.

Hij: That means this guy wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.

G: But Vice Chief, he's definitely...

Hij: Oh, he's Senbe, all right.

Hij: But he probably wasn't the one slaying people.

Hij: Where's his w*apon?

Hij: The sword he was carrying.

G: Oh, we actually haven't found it yet.

G: Senbe? What's wrong?!

Sen: N-No! I don't want to be consumed anymore!

G: Calm down, Senbe!

Sen: It's that guy's turn to be consumed now.

Sen: He'll become the manslayer now!

G: Vice Chief?!

Hij: My bad feeling was on the mark.

Hij: Anybody else would laugh it off,

Hij: but I know how terrifying swords can be.

Hij: Because I experienced the curse of the Muramasha.

Hij: That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.

Hij: It was his sword!

Hij: This is bad news.

Hij: That thing is likely in the hands of someone far more terrifying than Senbe!

Hij: If he got his hands on that cursed sword,

Hij: then forget manslayer, he'd become a world-conquering overlord!

Shin: I-Is that...

Shin: Could that sword be...

Shin: Maganagi!

Shin: It's Cursed Sword Maganagi!

Kus: Why? Why does that bro have Maganagi?!

Oki: I happened to acquire it last night.

Oki: It insisted on becoming my sword of choice.

Oki: Having only my scabbard be from Excalibur didn't sit right with me, anyway.

Oki: Three excaliburlings on Earth. In Edo alone, no less.

Oki: This must be fate at work.

Mag: Indeed.

Mag: Who would've thought I'd find the two I was looking for right here?

Mag: Don't you agree, Kusanagi?

Mag: I hear this is a duel over a scabbard?

Mag: This is fate, Kusanagi.

Mag: The moment you tricked me, your fates were sealed!

Mag: Die and return to the earth.

Oki: Hey, lady, your dog pooped.

Oki: Don't you know an owner is supposed to clean up after their pet?

W: Oh, I'm so sorry!

Mag: What are you doing?!

Mag: Do you really think you can s*ab crap like this with a cursed sword?!

Oki: Quit complaining.

Oki: I don't mind making this your scabbard, you know.

Oki: You can be an excaliturd.

Oki: This duel isn't between you swords.

Oki: It's between the boss and me to decide who is stronger.

Mag: Y-You don't have to be so cruel.

Mag: Didn't we promise to do our best together, Master?

Mag: A sword like me and a wielder like you would be invincible together.

Mag: We could conquer the world...

Oki: Boss, what say we clean this place up before we duel?

Mag: There's dog poop everywhere.

Mag: I'm sorry, Master! I'll keep my mouth shut, so please spare me!

Kus: I-I don't believe it.

Kus: That cursed sword is totally under his control.

Kus: Just how scary a guy is that bro?

Gin: Looks like the one sword we really wanted to avoid

Gin: showed up in the hands of the one guy who shouldn't wield it.

Kus: This is awful!

World_Clash_Tour: ,World Clash Tournament Venue

Kus: I was hopin' I could figure something out before fightin' him...

Kus: If we lose this duel, both Scabberina and I are done for!

Gin: This is fine, really.

Gin: In real-sword fights, the one who clings to hope loses.

Gin: Hope isn't something you'll find lying ahead in your path.

Gin: You'll find it hanging from the ass of the guys who live in the moment.

Gin: It's basically a goldfish turd.

Gin: Right now, having a blade stuck in my ass would be perfect.

Oki: What, that thing was all for show? That's just your usual wooden sword.

Oki: Well, whatever. If that's how you wanna play,

Oki: I'll stop thinking about a future where I sheathe my sword.

Oki: Until that goldfish turd of yours hangs from the tip of my sword,

Oki: it will remain drawn!

Kon: But it already is! You'll cause a mess if you sheathe it!

Gin: Bring it on. Let's see whose turd will hang first.

Kus: Why're you swingin' turds around, too?!

Bo: Let's fight fair and square!

Shin: What the hell are you two doing?!

Shin: They started picking up poop!

Kus: W-Wait...

Shin: What's going on here? What are they competing over?

Shin: Is this how this duel was supposed to go?

Mag: Wait, stop! I can't breathe!

Shin: Your swords are the only ones suffering!

Shin: What's wrong with you sadists?!

Bo: Eat this!

Shin: Eat this, my ass! What are you, cavemen?!

Shin: They're using amazing moves!

Shin: They're both going insane!

Shin: But why poop?!

Oki: In the poop's shadow?

Oki: But this is also...

Oki: a feint!

Gin: Not there.

Gin: Over here.

Oki: Not there.

Oki: Over here.

Gin: Not here. There.

Oki: Not there. There.

Gin: Not there. Manure.

Shin: Why are you having a high-level back and forth with poop?!

Shin: And just how much poop is on this riverbank, anyway?

Kag: Gin-chan!

Kag: Just wait! I'll provide covering fire for you!

Shin: That's not covering! That's just dumping!

Oki: You really are fun, boss.

Oki: Your technique's all over the place.

Oki: There's no way to tell where you'll att*ck from.

Shin: Hey! The camera's focusing on the wrong thing!

Gin: You won't look so relaxed for too long.

Gin: I can't wait to see what your face will look like in the next cut.

Shin: It looks like something ridiculous already!

Shin: Totally looks like two turds having a conversation!

Kon: Th-This is an outrageous duel.

Kon: I never expected it to get so heated.

Shin: You're more outrageous right now!

Kag: You've got poop on your head, Gorilla!

Kag: Barrier! Barrier!

Kon: I had my barrier up, too!

Shin: You're all covered in sh*t!

Shin: Knock it off already.

Shin: The screen's been filled with nothing but poop!

Shin: Wait, who put my glasses on poop?!

Kus: Insane.

Kus: Gintoki-han is insane.

Kus: He's fightin' that cursed sword Maganagi on equal footin'.

Mag: I was right.

Mag: This guy is on a whole different level than Senbe.

Mag: At last...

Mag: At last, I found it.

Mag: A vessel befitting me, Maganagi.

Mag: Kusanagi.

Mag: The man you found is a special talent himself.

Mag: However!

Mag: Even if the vessels are equal,

Mag: their swords are like night and day!

Kon: H—

Kon: His sword vanished?!

Oki: Nothing vanished.

Oki: They're right here in my belly.

Oki: Both your sword

Oki: and this man.

Preview brick,Sign: Preview

Kus: This is awful! Maganagi took over that bro!

Kus: I-It's all over!

Gin: Don't give up, Kusanagi!

Kus: But Kudo—I mean, Gintoki-han!

Gin: You still have my blood and my scabbard, foo'.

Sign: The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Ass

TextR: We're really sorry if you were watching while having dinner.

TextL: The Gintoki vs. Okita & Swordsstory ends next week!

TextR: The next C*nan Hint is...

TextL: "Subtly Off-Color."