09x10 - Diamonds are Unscratchable

[bunniefuu]

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc

Title: Diamonds are Unscratchable

Warning: GKB's Request!! Watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV ♥

S: We would never let you leave looking so sad.

S: Why? Because...

S: We provide dreams to all of space

S: as the special unit of galactic idols.

S: That is why.

G: That's...

Shin: Galaxy Kingdom b*tches ?!

Shin: Why are they on Earth?

Bi: Guys, come to our meet-and-greet and wipe this bitter taste out of your mouths.

Bi: Otherwise your Bitchie will be so lonely, she'll cry.

G: I-I can't believe I get to meet the universe's top idols!

G: Is this some dream or fantasy?!

G: I'm going first!

G: No, I am!

Gin: Wait, what? Giant Knobhead b*tches ?

Shin: No way... They're here in Edo?

Shin: They are Galaxy Kingdom b*tches .

Shin: On several planets, top idol groups faced off in a public vote,

Shin: and only the centers whose groups placed at the top—

Shin: in other words, only the top of the top idols from across the galaxy—

Shin: formed this top idol group!

Gin: How many times are you gonna say "top"?

Shin: They're the biggest idols in the galaxy!

Shin: They traverse planets, nabbing the top idol spot on each one,

Shin: then move on to their next target.

Shin: If that special unit of idols is here in Edo and showed up in front of Otsu-chan,

Shin: that must mean their next target is...

Bi: Terakado Tsu.

Bi: We got a good look at how Edo's top idol does sales.

Bi: I'm amazed you sit at the top of the pile like that.

Bi: It seems Edo has the weakest idols of all the planets we've been to.

Bi: Let us show you how real idols

Bi: do meet-and-greets.

Shin: A-Are those...

Bi: Line up and come in one by one, guys.

Bi: We want to spend quality time with each of you.

Shin: Why have closed spaces if they're only gonna shake hands?

Taka: Challenge accepted. I'll go first.

Shin: Taka-chin?

Taka: You ran your mouth at Otsu-chan.

Taka: If this meet-and-greet ain't up to scratch, you'll be in real trouble.

Shin: Taka-chin!

Taka: Sorry, Shin-chan.

Taka: I honestly don't understand what you're trying to do with Otsu-chan right now.

Taka: But I believe that you'll protect her to the end.

Taka: I believe that she would never lose to these hussies!

Shin: Taka-chin!

Taka: Huh? Seriously?

Taka: Is this how it works?

Gin: Uh, why is it shaking?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Huh? Was he in his undies just now?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: I hear weird noises. What is that? What's going on?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: He was totally butt-naked! What're they doing?

Gin: Are they really shaking hands?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Uh, hold up. What is this?

Gin: They're not shaking hands at all. They're doing something totally different.

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: What is that? Something just came out.

Gin: What's going on in there? What're you guys doing?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Now his whole body's covered in pixels! What happened to him?

Gin: Taka-chin!

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Taka-chin?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Taka-chin?

Shin: Taka-chin!

Gin: Taka-chin?!

Shin: Taka-chin!

Shin: Taka-chin!

Shin: Pull yourself together, Taka-chin!

Shin: What happened, Taka-chin?!

Taka: Once I get home, I'm gonna burn all my p*rn mags.

Shin: What'd they do to you?!

Gin: What'd they do to him? They clearly just did him!

Gin: They totally got down and dirty.

Gin: He looks like he released everything he had pent up. He's basking in the afterglow.

Shin: Taka-chin, tell me what happened inside.

Taka: Everything turned white.

Gin: Crap! Now he's turned completely white!

G: Once I get home, I'll try being nicer to Mom.

G: I'll try to find something good about Kamiji Yusuke.

Shin: Hey! People are getting enlightened in the afterglow one after another!

Gin: Wait, are you kidding me?

Gin: Seriously? Is this for real?

Gin: What, do they shake something other than hands on their planets?

Gin: Are you kidding me? Seriously? Is this for real?

Shin: Calm down, Gin-san!

Bi: Our meet-and-greet made everyone weak in the knees.

Bi: Terakado Tsu, we've rendered all your fans completely spineless.

Bi: They're wrapped around our fingers.

Bi: This is what real idols are capable of.

Bi: What the greatest galactic idol group is capable of.

Bi: What Galaxy Kingdom b*tches is capable of.

Gin: Uh, idols? You're practically just pr*******es!

Bi: What? How mean!

Bi: You know nothing about me!

Bi: You know nothing about what we were doing inside!

Bi: If you suspect us that much, why don't you try it yourself...

Bi: Our meet-and-greet.

Gin: I'll take the special course, please.

Bi: Meet-and-greet.

Gin: I can start a tab with you, right?

Shin: Like hell!

Tsu: No... My fans, who've been behind me all this time...

Crowd: All hail Galaxy Kingdom b*tches !

Tsu: The ones who've supported me all this time...

Tsu: In one moment, they all just...

Tsu: No...

Tsu: This can't be.

Tsu: This can't be happening!

Shin: Otsu-chan!

Gin: H-Hey! How long are you gonna sleep, you dumbass?!

Shin: Wait, Otsu-chan!

Gin: We still have a bunch of pillow sales events lined up after this!

Gin: Hey!

Bi: She went down far easier than expected.

Crowd: All hail Galaxy Kingdom b*tches !

Bi: But this isn't enough.

Bi: Getting these core idol fans on our side doesn't mean a thing.

Bi: All of Edo must watch as Terakado Tsu and Booger Diamonds fall to pieces.

Bi: They need to know that we, Galaxy Kingdom b*tches , are the greatest idols alive.

Bi: Showtime is only just beginning.

Shin: I see.

Shin: Otsu-chan's still holed up?

OMom: She seems to be taking it really hard.

Shin: Sorry. It's all our fault for being so useless.

OMom: Oh, no. I made her form a unit to put her under this exact kind of pressure.

OMom: But I can't believe they came gunning for Otsu at the same time.

OMom: She's hit rock bottom, and she may not climb back up.

Shin: Otsu-chan will definitely bounce back!

Shin: She'd never lose to those people!

Gin: Yeah. Right now, we don't stand to make any mon—

Gin: I mean, make a decent impression, so give us a chance to turn this around.

Kag: Otsu's not alone.

Kag: If she's hit rock bottom, there's still something I,

Kag: along with Booger Diamonds ,can do to help her.

Kag: I want her to remember that.

OMom: There's nothing any of you can do.

OMom: I mean...

Terakado_Tsu_Cri,SignL: Terakado Tsu CriesOutside a Love Hotel!!

Producer_Carries,SignR: Producer Carries BDZ Member Home!

OMom: You're all down there with her.

R: There they are!

R: It's Booger Diamonds 's producer, Mr. Sakata!

R: What was Otsu-chan doing in front of a love hotel?

R: Is it true that you're using your position as producer

R: to screw around with your agency's idols?

Shin: You've got the wrong idea!

Shin: I was the one who was with Otsu-chan! I'm her manager!

Shin: We were just talking about work—

R: So the producer and manager are both screwing around with their agency's idols?

Shin: Did you listen to a word I said?!

R: Well?

Gin: You know they're gonna twist your words, Shinpachi.

Gin: Just get through it by saying "Whatever. I don't care."

Shin: They'll twist that even worse!

Gin: We've done nothing wrong. No need to run or hide.

Kag: That's right.

Kag: Besides, Gin-chan and I have gone long past "taking home." We live together.

R: What do you mean, you live together?

Kag: He keeps me at home without pay

Kag: and makes me do all kinds of stuff from morning to night until I can't stand.

Kag: Nothing wrong with that.

Shin: Everything about that sounds wrong!

R: Sakata-san, are you a lolicon p**o?

Gin: I'm not a p**o! The P stands for producer!

Gin: I'm not a lolicon, either!

R: So you're a p**o P?

Gin: Knock it off already, you rotten cue ball!

R: Did you hear that verbal abuse?

Tsu: I no longer have any fans cheering me on.

TV: Showbiz really is seedy, huh?

TV: Well, everyone in the entertainment business is like this.

Tsu: I don't have anyone on my side.

TV: Should've seen it coming.

tabloid,Shin: Otsu and Her Manager

tabloid,Shin: Super Edo Scoop

Shin: Otsu-chan's in big trouble, and it's all our fault!

Gin: Tch.

Gin: Who woulda thought this would happen right before the release of the debut single?

OMom: We've been had.

OMom: The background on this photograph has been shopped.

OMom: In other words, you were used in a plot to bring Otsu down...

OMom: by Galaxy Kingdom b*tches .

Shin: Th-They were behind this?

OMom: They're a special squad that has destroyed top idols on all kinds of planets.

OMom: They're not picky about their methods.

Shin: They'll pay for this.

Shin: Let's expose their tactics and condemn them!

OMom: They have tremendous influence with media across the galaxy.

OMom: It'll never see the light of day.

Gin: At this point, our only choice is to upload a shaved-head apology video.

Shin: Even if you hate me, the manager,

Shin: please don't come to hate Booger Diamonds !

Shin: What part do you think you're shaving off?!

Kag: Or we'll have to put fries and Shinpachi side-by-side

Kag: and upload a video about which one will rot sooner.

Shin: Your brains are what's rotten!

OMom: Too late for that too, apparently. They got the jump on us.

Bi: Greetings, earthlings!

Bi: We are the special unit of galactic idols,

Bi: Galaxy Kingdom b*tches !

Bi: As it turns out, we're going to make our debut on Earth!

All: Yay!

Bi: Our new single, "A Slut's Badge of Honor," releases December th.

Shin: December th? The same release date as Booger Diamonds 's debut single?

Gin: They're even going with a similar title.

Bi: With that in mind, we plan to hold a release event at Oedo Dome.

Bi: But since that alone wouldn't be exciting enough,

Bi: we've got some big guests lined up.

Bi: Surprise!

Bi: We want to invite Edo's top idol, Terakado Tsu-chan, to this event!

Shin: Wha?!

Bi: We don't have an appointment yet, but...

Bi: Terakado Tsu-san, why don't we face off to determine Edo's top idol?

Bi: Us, Galaxy Kingdom b*tches ,

Bi: versus Terakado Tsu's Booger Diamonds ?

Bi: Let's compete to see which of us can charm more fans in a meet-and-greet.

Bi: The winner gets to perform their new single live.

Bi: But the loser has to retire from the idol industry right then and there.

Bi: It's a battle to determine the top idol. There has to be some risk involved.

Bi: Let's settle this, Terakado Tsu-san.

Bi: You were once the top idol in all of Edo.

Bi: We trust you won't run away from this challenge.

Sign: Up NextThe Making of Galaxy Kingdom b*tches 's "A Slut's Badge of Honor"

Cancel,Sign: Cancel

Shin: Th-That was...

OMom: Well played.

OMom: Now that they've released this video to the public,

OMom: our reputation will be ruined if we refuse.

Gin: For someone so cute, she sure can play dirty.

Gin: Kingdom b*tches is a fitting name, I say.

OMom: The words "idol" and "bitch" are practically synonyms.

OMom: They're several times better at this than Otsu.

Shin: That's a hell of a thing for the president of an idol agency to say.

OMom: But we can't put her idol career on the line, even if it makes us lose face.

OMom: And having lost all her fans, Otsu stands no chance—

Shin: Not all of them.

Shin: She still has three fans right here.

Kag: Relax. I won't cause any trouble.

Kag: An idol digs out her boogers with her own hands.

Gin: And besides, we Booger Diamonds

Gin: are fully prepared to be the boogers that make Otsu-chan's diamond shine bright.

OMom: You guys...

Shin: Until now, Otsu-chan has given us hopes and dreams as an idol.

Shin: Now, it's our turn as fans to return the favor by giving her hopes and dreams.

Edo_Dome,Sign: Oedo Dome

Bi: Hello, everyone!

Bi: Thanks for coming to see us today!

Bi: We are the idols of the entire universe...

Bi: Galaxy Kingdom b*tches !

Bi: And here is the group that accepted our challenge...

Kag: Heya. We are Booger Diamonds .

Bi: Yeah, right!

Bi: Where's Otsu? You're just three piles of boogers now!

Bi: What kinda nostrils did you pop out of?!

Gin: We took responsibility for causing a scandal by shaving our heads down there.

Gin: We are the newest members...

Shin: Pachie!

Gin: Pako!

Bi: You call that taking responsibility?!

Bi: You've gotta be kidding me.

Bi: We're here for Terakado Tsu! We don't give two hoots about you morons!

Kag: Right back at ya. Otsu says she has no time to waste on knobhead b*tches.

Kag: But we decided to drop by while chasing our boogers too far in.

Kag: You should be grateful to us.

Bi: Say what, you booger brat?

Com: Oh, my! Sparks are already flying on the stage!

Com: Booger Diamonds and Galaxy Kingdom b*tches ...

Com: Will their meet-and-greet with the fans turn into a World Martial Arts Tournament?

Tae: Fine by us.

Tae: We don't care if you're a special unit of galactic idols or whatever.

Tae: But if you want to settle things with force, then we'll gladly play along.

Tae: Just know that you won't stand a chance in hell of winning.

Tae: Not when you're against the strongest combat backing band in the galaxy,

Tae: Diamond Vacuum.

Shin: Sis!

Gin: So they made it.

Com: Whoa! Booger Diamonds had a real ace up their sleeve!

Com: A group of hotties comparable to Otsu-chan has taken the stage!

Kyu: We're saying we'll battle you in your arena and on your terms.

Kyu: Get back, before we render your pretty faces useless.

Sac: How dare you frame our producer?

Sac: The one sleeping with Producer Sakata is me!

Gin: What are you even here for?

Tsu: I don't know how things ended up like this, but this too is fate.

Tsu: No matter in what arena, I refuse to lose any battles I take part in.

Tsu: I'll show you the fruits of my training.

Gin: What the hell did you guys train for?!

Gin: Don't just do whatever the hell you please!

Bi: I see.

Bi: Otsu ran from us, so you tried to make up for that

Bi: by hastily gathering trash that's nothing but looks?

Bi: Man, I've never felt this insulted before.

Bi: Fine. If that's how you want to play, we'll k*ll your careers

Bi: and crush you so thoroughly that Otsu will never think about taking the stage again.

Bi: Let's determine the greatest idols in the universe right here and now.

Com: Fight fair and square!

Com: The battle to determine the greatest idols alive is now underway.

Com: This battle between Galaxy Kingdom b*tches and Booger Diamonds

Com: will be decided by how many fans flock to their respective meet-and-greets.

All: Pleased to meet you all!

Com: Whoa, as soon as the bell rings, a tidal wave of people comes rushing in.

Com: Incredible!

Com: Galaxy Kingdom b*tches !

Com: It's like they're gobbling up every fan in the arena! What overwhelming popularity!

Com: Meanwhile, Booger Diamonds 's base is tumbleweed central!

Com: They may have a bunch of hotties, but they're still newly debuted nobodies.

Com: Was it too soon for them to take on the galaxy's greatest idol group?

Bi: Otsu or no Otsu, the outcome was decided before it even started.

Bi: Didn't you realize that?

Bi: In truth, this was never a battle to determine the greatest idols alive.

Bi: It's just a public execution.

Gin: That so? Either way, you shouldn't get distracted during a battle.

Bi: Don't you get it? This can't even be called a battle.

Gin: You're the one who doesn't get it.

Gin: An idol's enemy isn't just in front of her.

Tae: Yikes, what's with that line?

Sac: It's an idol meet-and-greet, apparently.

Bo: Ew, gross.

Com: That's...

Com: A rear ambush by the backing band!

Tae: So what if they can shake hands with idols? Does that really make them happy?

Tae: Why are they so desperate?

Sac: You're so silly, Otae.

Sac: Look at them. They've probably never held a girl's hand in their lives.

Sac: Oh, sorry. They've probably never talked to one, either.

Com: The backing band unit's barrage of insults

Com: is making the fans lose all desire to attend the meet-and-greet!

G: Rude! I have at least talked to girls!

Tae: I bet it just went like, "Would you like that heated?" and "Sure."

G: There was more! Like, "I don't need a plastic bag."

Sac: You don't call that talking to a girl.

Bi: That's cheating! Do you really think you can mess with our line?

Gin: Keep talking. Plotting evil from behind the idol is what a backing band does.

Tae: Don't they know that lining up here won't resolve a thing?

Sac: They're basically lining up to climb the stairs to the gallows.

Com: Corpses everywhere!

Com: They're massacring the fans in Galaxy Kingdom b*tches 's line one after another!

Bi: Such futile resistance.

Bi: Your sabotaging is only making the fans distance themselves from you.

Bi: What?

Kyu: You went too far, Tae-chan, Sarutobi.

Bi: They had a Plan B with more backing band members at the back?

Tsu: Sorry. Are you all right?

Tsu: Can you stand?

Bi: Don't tell me, the first two backing band members were just a setup?

Tsu: Forgive them.

Tsu: They mean no harm. They're just a little shy.

Bi: By mercilessly b*ating down the fans and then picking them up...

Tsu: They wanted to talk to you all, but it seems they didn't know where to begin.

Tsu: After all, it's the same for us.

Kyu: W-We've never held a meet-and-greet...

Tsu: ...before today.

Tae: Sorry.

Sac: In truth, we're the same as you.

Tae: If you don't mind...

All: ...could you take our first time?

Bi: They brought out the tsundere act?!

C: Hey, why did my heart just skip a b*at?

C: The girls over there are pretty cute, too!

C: I think I'll head over there!

C: Me, too!

C: Me three!

Com: Whoa, Galaxy Kingdom b*tches 's line is falling apart!

Gin: You were right. Nobodies could never b*at the greatest idols in the universe.

Gin: But it looks like this battle

Gin: is neither to determine the greatest idols alive nor a public execution.

Gin: I hear it's just a battle to determine the biggest sluts alive.

Gin: You're the ones who started playing dirty.

Gin: We'll make you regret it!

Bi: Wh-What're those?

Gin: Even if we can't win as idols,

Gin: Booger Diamonds is invincible in a battle of the sluts.

Com: Those are... toilet stalls!

Com: Are they using toilet stalls, of all things, to compete with the bewitching curtains?

Bi: H-How vulgar.

Bi: A meet-and-greet in such a disgusting place would never make the fans happy.

G: Wh-What's with the toilets?

G: Don't tell me, we'll get to see them doing all sorts of dirty things?

G: No way, man.

G: But they're toilets.

Com: Oh, dear! The fans are beset by confusion!

Kag: Hey, Gin-chan! What's the meaning of this?

Tae: This is the first I'm hearing of a meet-and-greet in toilets, Shin-chan.

Shin: I-It's not what you think, Sis!

Com: The fans aren't the only ones confused!

Gin: You know... This is the first meet-and-greet for you guys, too.

Gin: You're probably feeling too shy to face the fans.

Gin: That's where these come in. Enter the stalls from beneath the toilets.

Gin: Just stick your hands out and wait.

Gin: That way, you can deal with any kind of embarrassment just fine.

Gin: All you have to do after that is shake everything.

Gin: You won't see a thing, but it's simple.

Gin: Just grab everything that's held out in front of you.

Gin: Consider your hand nothing but toilet paper.

Tae: What perverted acts are you trying to make us perform?!

G: You hear that?

G: I'm going over there!

Com: Wow! Even more people are leaving Galaxy Kingdom b*tches 's line!

Com: Producer Sakata is stealing even more fans with a terrifying slut plan!

Bi: You shitheads!

Gin: This is where things get real.

Gin: Let's do this. Show them what real sluts are capable of!

All: Who're you calling sluts?!

Gin: Ger-bleaurgh!

Sign: To Be Continued

Sign: Preview

Tsu: Everyone... Thank you so, so much for everything.

Tsu: Next time: "An Idol's Badge of Honor."

Title: An Idol's Badge of Honor

TextR: Shocked and hurt, Otsu holes up.

TextL: Will she end up retiring like this?

TextR: In this idol battle without honor and humanity,

TextL: who will stand victorious in the end?