09x13 - Guardian Spirits Are Also a Part of the Soul

[bunniefuu]

Shin: I don't know if that store really existed.

Shin: At a seemingly cursed eyewear shop,

Shin: I was sold a pair of Curr Sedd Glasses that just turned out to be cursed glasses

Shin: and started seeing all kinds of spirits haunting our world.

Shin: Gin-san's guardian spirit, Asuraman.

Sign: One word and you're dead.

Shin: Kagura-chan's guardian spirit, Alchu.

Shin: And I have to take part in the district sports meet in this state.

Shin: That fierce battle is about to begin!

Kabuki_District_,Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

Shin: Somebody get these messed-up glasses off of me!

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc

Title: Guardian Spirits Are Alsoa Part of the Soul

Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

Kag: We're on Team White.

Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV!

Kag: The other guys are Team Red.

Kag: Aw, I wanted to be Red.

Shin: Uh, in my eyes,

Shin: they all look like Team Dripping With Blood Red!

G: Hey, aren't those guys on Team White?

G: How about we curse them?

G: Don't do it.

G: They're the Asuraman and Alchu's masters.

G: What? That's them?

G: Asuraman, k*ller of , guardian spirits,

G: and Alchu, the man who defeated Admiral Great Spirit Battler?

Shin: What? Are these guys famous in guardian-spirit circles?

G: They mowed down a wave of guardian spirits

G: and helped their masters win a box of detergent in the Edo Supermarket Lottery.

G: They're monsters.

G: You win fourth prize!

Shin: Wait, there was a bloodbath happening even then?!

Gin: What, just detergent?

G: But that four-eyes is walking around without a guardian spirit.

G: Wanna go curse him?

G: Even the slightest advantage could help our masters in Team Red!

Shin: Wait, don't be hasty! It's just a sports meet!

Mad: Hey!

Mad: That guy's my friend!

G: Y-You're...

G: The hero of the Great Discarded Lunch Box w*r, MAD—

Mad: Get lost, scrubs.

Sign: Guardian Spirit MADAOShades's guardian spirit

Guardian Spirit MADAO.

Shin: Wait, you're a guardian spirit?!

Sign: Became a spirit while still a dead man walking. Looks likea normal person at first glance, but the shades are the actual body,and the human is the spirit. Can't do anything without his shades.

Mad: Are you okay, Shinpachi-kun?

Shin: No, are you okay?!

Shin: You became a spirit at some point! Your shades became the actual body!

Mad: If things go bad, this sports meet could lead to deaths.

Shin: You're already dead, though.

Sign: Prize: , yen

Mad: Looks like everyone's hyped after hearing that the winning team gets a cash prize.

Mad: Look at that.

G: H-Hey, Yosaku, what's wrong?

G: My tummy just started aching.

G: Pull yourself together.

G: Kichinosuke!

Mad: That's the effect of having their guardian spirits taken out.

Mad: The fates of guardian spirits and their masters are intertwined.

Mad: If a guardian spirit's in trouble, its master will get in trouble, too.

G: What the hell happened?

G: Most of Team White got wiped out!

Al: Okay. Now we can hog all the prize money.

Spirit L,Sign: I'm gonna k*ll you guys.

Shin: It was infighting?!

Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

MC: Participants are to take their positions.

MC: The first game is pole basketball.

MC: Get set, go!

G: All right! We won't lose to Team White!

G: Huh?

G: Take-chan, you've got something red on your face.

G: Huh? What is it?

Sign: Kabuki District Association

Oto: A bonding event like this

Oto: isn't a bad idea once in a while.

Shin: What part of this is "bonding"?!

Shin: Right beside the kids throwing balls with smiles on their faces,

Shin: guardian-spirit eyeballs are flying all over the place!

Shin: How am I supposed to play this game while watching a scene out of hell?!

Shin: Someone get these cursed glasses off of me!

Kag: Huh? That's weird.

Kag: We've been throwing ball after ball, but they're not going in the basket.

Gin: Is it just me, or did a ball that was clearly going in just rebound?

Kag: It's like there's something invisible in the basket already.

Shin: No...

Shin: There's a haunting spirit living in the basket!

Shin: What the hell are you doing up there, Hasegawa-san?!

Mad: R-Run away...

Kag: Get in!

Gin: Why won't they go in?

Shin: Wait! You may not see him, but Hasegawa-san's in there!

Mad: Team Red has a crazy guardian spirit, too!

Mad: A real monster!

Shin: Gin-san's guardian spirit!

Kag: What's wrong?

Kag: Shinpachi! Gin-chan suddenly...

Shin: No way. Don't tell me...

Tae: Fancy running into you here, Shin-chan.

Tae: You're all taking part, too?

Tae: Unfortunately, it looks like we're on opposing teams.

Tae: But let's play fair and have fun, okay?

Shin: What part of this is fair?!

Shin: You have an S-ranked OP monster as a guardian spirit!

Sign: Guardian SpiritDark Thousand-Armed Kannon

Voice: Guardian Spirit Dark Thousand-Armed Kannon.

Shin: What kind of lifestyle did you lead to get haunted by a spirit like that, Sis?!

Sign: Shimura Tae's Guardian SpiritThe thousands of eggs she b*rned to death came togetherto form this spirit.

Tae: Oh, no. I b*rned it again.

Shin: It's the resentment of omelets?!

Shin: Just how deep must their grudge be to turn them into that monster?!

Sign: Karma causes her to be haunted by Dark Kannon. She's put under the Dark Matter Curse, which burnseverything she touches pitch-black.

Tae: Oh, no. I b*rned the fish, too.

Shin: The dark matter was the result of a curse?!

Spirit Text L,Sign: She's also put under the Ya**daYu Curse, meaning she has tolive with a kid brother whose talents have all turned to ash.

Shin: Why am I being treated like a curse, too?!

Spirit Text R,Sign: Battle Points

Shin: What the hell are battle points?

Shin: I didn't know we had such a pretentious system!

Spirit Text L,Sign: (But if brother is present,BP is reduced by ,.)

Shin: Could the brother be any more of a burden?!

Shin: That arm I got a glimpse of back then was one of its thousand arms?

Shin: I can't believe it took out Asuraman and Alchu in a flash.

Shin: It's only the first match, and we're half-dead already.

Kag: We got food poisoning, too?

Shin: There's no way we can b*at a monster like that.

Tae: Oh, we're out of balls.

Tae: Staff, could we please get some more balls?

Kon: Coming right up. We have all the balls you want.

Kon: Do you want red balls, white balls,

Kon: or...

Kon: my balls*ck?

Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian SpiritTen-Thousand Vajra Ball BodhisattvaBalls*ck's guardian spirit.

Voice: Guardian Spirit Ten-Thousand Vajra Ball Bodhisattva.

Shin: What kinda guardian spirit is that?!

Sign: Along with being the guardian spirit of Kondo's balls*ck, it's also the guardian spirit of Shimura Tae's guardian spirit.

Shin: What do you mean, the guardian spirit of a guardian spirit?

Spirit Text R,Sign: The thousands of sticky eggs thatKondo Isao wrapped in tissues andkilled came together to form this spirit.

Shin: What eggs are you talking about?!

Spirit Text L,Sign: The karma from that puts him under the Stalker Curse, which makes him a devious stalker with a sticky body.

Shin: Don't try to blame a curse for your stalking!

Spirit Text R,Sign: His resemblance to gorillas has nothing to do with any curses.

Shin: Blame a curse for that!

Gorilla_Points,Sign: Gorilla Points

Shin: Hey, what the hell are gorilla points?!

Spirit Text L,Sign: But if Shimura Taeis present, x GP.

Shin: Why'd it double? Don't count Sis as a gorilla!

Kon: Make your choice: red balls, white balls, or my balls*ck.

Kon: Which will you pick?

Tae: In that case,

Tae: I'll use your soul balls as actual balls.

MC: Time's up!

MC: Both teams have scored zero balls. It's a draw.

Shin: We tied!

Shin: Thanks to the moron, we somehow managed to tie!

Shin: B-But how will we play the next game?

Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan, we can't go any further.

Shin: Let's retire. Enough of this sports meet from hell.

Gin: Don't be stupid. There's prize money riding on this.

Gin: Besides...

MC: The next game is the three-legged obstacle race.

Gin: As you heard, the next event relies on cooperation.

Gin: We can get through this with each other's help.

Shin: Uh, you need the help of your guardian spirits most, and they've been taken out.

Shin: Damn it.

Shin: I'm the only one who can see them. I have to do something.

Al: I can't believe a god-level guardian spirit is taking part in a sports meet.

It_seems_we_ll_h,Sign: It seems we'll have to go out all-out, too.

Al: Yeah. We have no choice but to do that, Asuraman.

Shin: Do what? Do you have an idea?

Al: If our masters are going three-legged,

Al: we'll just do the same.

Al: Guardian Fusion!

Guardian_Fusion,Sign: Guardian Fusion

Shin: Fusion?!

Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian Fusion refers to the phenomenon where multiple guardian spirits fuse together to form a stronger one.

Spirit Text R,Sign: When Asuraman and Alchu dothe Guardian Fusion dance,

Spirit Text R,Sign: they protect Odd Jobs

Spirit Text L,Sign: by evolving into adivine guardian spirit.

Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO (MAd DAmnation Omen)

Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO.

Shin: Something else got mixed in!

Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO.

Sign: MADAO: A guardian spirit accidentally born when a flyjoined the Guardian Fusion. Currently unemployed.

Shin: We forgot about the fly in the basket!

Spirit Text L,Sign: The three spirit's powers have combined, meaning it's an unemployed alcoholic thatcan only communicate with a whiteboard.

Shin: It's just a fusion of all their problems!

Battle_Points,Sign: Battle Points

Shin: Whoa, that's super high!

Spirit Text L,Sign: (But on days when it lacksthe motivation to work, BP is reduced by .)

Shin: So it's trash all days of the year!

MC: Participants, are you ready?

Shin: Crap.

Shin: The race is about to begin.

MC: Three-legged obstacle race! Get set, go!

Shin: Not a single group's running on three legs!

Shin: What the hell is this creepy game?

Shin: Is this how three-legged races have always worked?

Shin: But we might have a sh*t here.

Shin: Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO is a quadruped.

Shin: It's perfect to ride on!

Shin: That's how it walks?!

Shin: What I thought was its face was actually its sole?!

Shin: It's gonna take more than a hundred years to cross the finish line!

Shin: Get off! You're sure to go much faster that way!

Sign: Hey, taxi.

Shin: Don't try to hail a cab!

Kat: Gintoki, Leader. What are you doing here?

Kat: Want a ride on my guardian spirit?

Voice: Guardian Spirit...

Spirit Text R,Sign: Guardian Spirit Katsulla Not Corolla

Kat: Katsulla Not Corolla.

Shin: Why is a Corolla your guardian spirit?!

Sign: Katsura Kotaro's guardian spirit. When he got in a traffic accident, his soul wassplit in two. One half entered a Corolla, and the other was bound for hell, but was given a ride to his body by the Corolla and safely made it through.

Shin: But it didn't! Half his soul is still gone!

Sign: Ever since, he kept the spirit of the car around even after it went out of service, used it to escape in emergencies, and came to be known as Runaway Kotarou.

Shin: Runaway Kotarou was running away in a Corolla?!

Sign: In return for that power, he would be put under the KatsuraNot Zura Curse, meaning he had to always drag the Corolla around with his hair and abuse his hair roots to the limit.

Shin: You were always pushing yourself to the extreme?

Shin: The "I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura" thing always bothered you?

Kat: What's wrong? Aren't you getting on, Gintoki?

Gin: Uh, get on what?

Kat: Right. We're on opposite sides now.

Kat: I'll be waiting for you at the finish line, then!

Shin: Is that even allowed?!

Shin: They're the biggest obstacles in this obstacle race!

DangerDemons

MC: Whoa, an expl*si*n!

MC: They've run into the talisman area, which fends off all wicked beings!

Kat: Corolla!

Shin: What the hell is a talisman area?!

Shin: Why are talismans part of an obstacle race?!

Shin: They're clearly out to get the guardian spirits!

Shin: They're all passing on one after another! What's with this sports meet?

Kat: Hang in there, Corolla. I won't leave you behind.

Shin: The master's carrying his guardian spirit! Talk about role reversal!

Hij: Now!

MC: Whoa! There's another pair in hot pursuit!

Hij: Katsura, your time's up! Surrender to the long arm of the law!

Shin: Why're you guys running on three legs, too?!

Bo: One, two... One, two...

Kat: They were waiting for the moment my Corolla broke down?

Kat: Of all the cowardly schemes!

Hij: Keep talking!

Hij: You dug your own grave by taking part in a sports meet as a Joi Rebel!

Shin: You're one to talk, cop taking part in a sports meet!

Kat: But can you two cross this talisman area?

Kat: If you can't, you'll never catch me and my Corolla!

Kat: Wha...

MC: Wait, what's going on here? The talismans!

Kat: Impossible! You're negating the talismans?

Kat: Don't tell me, your guardian spirit...

Kat: It's Western?!

Guardian_Ghost_M,Sign: Guardian Ghost Mayorati Not Maserati

Voice: Guardian Ghost...

Hij: Mayorati Not Maserati.

Shin: That's it? It's a foreign brand?!

Kat: A foreign car, not a domestic one? Of course Japanese talismans wouldn't affect it!

Kat: That guardian spirit is cheating!

Shin: Your guardian spirits are Corolla and Maserati! You're all cheating!

Sign: Hijikata Toshiro's guardian spirit. The spirit of a rich man's Maserati he ruined by pouring mayonnaise in its t*nk as a prank back when he was a bad boy.

Sign: Due to that, he was put under the Mayorati Curse, meaning he has to intake mayonnaise at regular intervals.

Shin: You were cursed, too?!

Shin: Why are all your character traits made up of curses?!

Hij: Hold it!

Spirit Text R,Sign: He was also put under the V-Shaped Bangs Curse, meaning his bangs are always being pulledby a Maserati, putting him at risk of balding.

Shin: Of course they'd call you the demonic vice chief!

Hij: Katsura!

Hij: You're done for now!

Hij: We've got this race in the bag!

Shin: What happened to catching him?!

MC: Whoa, the Shinsengumi have come to a standstill!

MC: Is that... a cross?!

MC: It's a godly trap that can fend off wicked beings from overseas, too!

Shin: They even have an obstacle like that?!

MC: Actually, upon closer inspection, it looks like the letter T?

Oki: What're you doing, Hijikata-san?

Oki: Could you move your leg already?

Oki: If you waste too much time,

Oki: I'll rip that leg of yours right off.

Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian SpiritTormenting Sadist

Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit...

Oki: Tormenting Sadist.

Shin: It was your doing?!

Shin: What kind of god is named Tormenting Sadist?!

Oki: I hear Maserati can run on mayonnaise, too.

Hij: Don't be stupid.

Shin: You were the mastermind who ruined the Maserati?

Sign: After he tricked Hijikata Toshiro and was tied up and left deep in the mountains,

Sign: he met a god in the dark.

T: Do you want revenge?

Oki: Wh-Who's there?

T: I'm you. The very darkness within you.

Shin: It's basically a devil!

Spirit Text L,Sign: It's stuck in Hijikata Toshiro's bodyand is sucking up his life force.

Shin: That's one disturbing guardian spirit!

Kat: This is our chance, Elizabeth.

Kat: We've made it past the talisman area.

Kat: Now to overtake them in one go with our Corolla!

Spirit Text R,Sign: Divine Guardian SpiritGod of Toilets

Voice: Divine Guardian Spirit God of Toilets.

Spirit Text R,Sign: Elizabeth's guardian spirit.A god he gave birth to in order to escape reality while cleaning the toilet.

Sign: Cleans up all impurities, whether the toilet is Japanese or Western style.

Shin: You're getting in your partner's way, too?!

Bleaurgh

Kat: Corolla! My Corolla!

Hij: Damn it, what's going on? I can't move my legs!

Shin: Why are both of them running three-legged with their biggest obstacles?

MC: Time's up! The game is over!

Finish_Line,Sign: Finish Line

MC: Neither team has crossed the finish line. It's a draw.

Shin: Like we could ever cross it!

Shin: All we're getting are guardian-spirit corpses and injured people!

Shin: We really should retire.

BG: This way!

Shin: Any more would be...

Shin: Was that the eyewear seller just now?

Gin: Hey, what's wrong, Shinpachi?

Shin: He was here. Is he taking part in the sports meet?

Shin: Where is he? Where'd he go?

MC: Let's move on to the next event.

MC: We had a bread-eating race,

MC: a scavenger hunt, and a cavalry battle planned after this,

MC: but due to a lack of participants, we'll combine all of these into one final game.

MC: The team that eats the opponent's bread and protects its own bread to the end wins.

Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Grandpa's dentures

MC: But you can borrow the items written on the papers strewn about the course

MC: and eat them or use them as a w*apon.

MC: Additionally, the member riding on top

MC: doesn't have to be human.

Shin: Using guardian spirits is tacitly allowed?!

Shin: What's the meaning of this? What do those people think they're carrying?!

Shin: But maybe...

Shin: Maybe the eyewear seller is among them.

Shin: If I find him, I might be able to take off these cursed glasses.

Gin: Listen, Shinpachi.

Gin: Even if you're hungry, don't you dare touch that bread.

MC: Get set, go!

Shin: Wait, I'm riding?!

Shin: You think I'm a spirit?!

Shin: They're really gonna make me a spirit!

Shin: MADAO!

Shin: It was struggling so much to move before, but to protect me...

Sign: Gimme the bread.

Shin: That's your goal?!

Shin: Wait, wait! Not this bread!

Shin: If you want bread, go after the enemy's!

Shin: The enemy's...

Shin: The enemy's bread is huge!

Shin: The enemy's bread is fast!

Shin: The enemy's bread is a baguette!

Shin: This isn't working.

Shin: Let's borrow a w*apon, Gin-san. Pick up a piece of paper.

Shin: What does it say? Please be a w*apon!

Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Love and Courage

Gin: Excuse me. Could any of you lend us love and courage?

Gin: We promise to give it back.

Gin: Love and courage separate is fine, too.

G: That stuff's always been in your hearts.

Shin: Bullshit!

Shin: Sure, they're the greatest weapons one could have, but they're useless right now!

Shin: We need something more specific!

Sign: Daddy's Bat

Kag: Could any of you lend us a daddy's bat?

Kag: Daddy and bat separate is fine, too, 'kay?

G: You can use this, then.

Shin: The daddy and the bat really are separate!

G: Sasuke, are you sure? That's a memento of Daddy.

G: It's fine. I'm sure Daddy up in heaven will allow it with a smile.

Shin: Like we could borrow that!

Shin: Daddy's not smiling at all! He's crying!

Shin: We need something that's not Daddy's or something sad!

Grandpa_s_dentur,Sign: Mommy's Jackknife

G: Can you really wield me?

Shin: That's just an edgy mommy!

Shin: That's sad in its own way!

Sign: Grandpa's a Jack

Shin: Who?! What does he have to do with a w*apon?!

Shin: We need something that's not so complicated!

Sign: Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk.

Gin: Excuse me. Could any of you lend us a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. ?

Shin: The w*apon itself is complicated now!

Kag: God and Death Crimson separate is fine, too, 'kay?

Shin: As if anyone would have something like that at a sports meet!

G: Sure, if you're okay with mine.

Shin: You have one? Who the hell are you?!

Shin: What's a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. doing here?

Shin: But we could win the cavalry battle with this.

Shin: Why the hell are you eating the Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. ?!

Sign: They said it was okay to eat borrowed items...

Shin: Do you really get it? This is a Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. !

Sign: Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. is a holy sword that purges evil. Any evil that touches the blade will be b*rned by holy flames.

Shin: Oh, crap. Because he ate a holy sword, MADAO's body is...

Gin: M-My body's losing strength!

Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan!

Shin: I'm done for! It's all over!

Shin: Huh?

Shin: Wh-Where am I?

Glasses,Sign: Glasses

Zoff: Your glasses are right here.

Zoff: I fixed them up nice and good.

Zoff: However, these glasses are really old.

Zoff: If you wear them, you'll go back to not being able to see anything.

Zoff: Is that all right?

Zoff: I wanted you to see it at least once...

Zoff: See the world we live in.

Zoff: Should you put on these glasses, you'll never return to this world.

Zoff: But I want you to remember once in a while that you three have

Zoff: Asuraman,

Zoff: Alchu,

Zoff: and me by your side.

Zoff: We're always watching over you,

Zoff: Master.

Kag: This is bad, Shinpachi!

Gin: We haven't gotten a w*apon yet!

Mad: Hey! What now, Shinpachi-kun?

Shin: I'm already holding a w*apon.

Shin: I don't have to see now. I know.

Shin: Asuraman,

Shin: Alchu,

Shin: and my glasses!

Shin: Your hearts and ours are always as one.

Shin: Even if I can't see you, these glasses clearly display your feelings!

Sign: Guardian Spirit Glasses. Shinpachi's glasses, which havebeen repaired and fitted with a new feature.

Sign: Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions

Sign: Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions, but...

Spirit Text R,Sign: ...is totally farsighted andunable to see anything close.

Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

Shin: All right. Time to buy new glasses.

Gintama,Sign: Gintama

Sign: heads toward its conclusion

Sign: Shogun Assassination Arc

Gin: Before dawn.

Gin: The night is darkest just before the dawn.

Gin: But keep your eyes open.

Farewell_Shinsen,Sign: Farewell Shinsengumi Arc

Hij: Kondo-san, I've finally become

Hij: a proper member of the Shinsengumi.

Sign: The Battle on Rakuyo Arc

Kag: I still have a job to do, huh?

Sign: And now...

Tae: We're basically a colony.

Kyu: Our country may have been done for long before all of this.

Mad: We can't give up.

Kat: This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu!

Oto: I wonder where those morons are and what they're up to.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Gin: We've got you covered.

Gin: From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,

Silver_Soul_Arc,Sign: Silver Soul Arc

Gin: we Odd Jobs will do anything.

Gintama,Sign: Gintama

Sign: Look forward to it.

TextR: The final long arc begins next episode.

TextL: We enter the Silver Soul Arc.