10x07 - Men Must Live Not Long or Thick, but Hard

[bunniefuu]

K: Men,

K: I called you here for one reason:

Warning,Warning: Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!

K: there is an issue causing unrest in the court,

K: and I felt the need to discuss it immediately.

K: I have heard all about it.

K: Ever since I fell sick,

K: the struggle for the right to succeed me as king of Planet Okoku

K: has split you all into two factions

K: that are locked in an ugly conflict over succession.

K: This is all my fault for being weak.

K: I don't have long left.

K: So I must resolve this problem before I go.

Jii: Your Highness, you needn't trouble yourself with this.

Jii: Our utmost desire is to see you remain on the throne for as long as possible.

Jii: Please leave the administration to us and focus on recovering.

Jii: Prince Hata is leading us retainers in your stead.

Jii: His kind heart, filled with love for every living being,

Jii: is propping us all up.

Jii: He will surely be a wonderful king.

Dan: Kindness?

Dan: Nes, are you saying that qualifies him to be king?

Dan: Can a "kind" prince who ignores national affairs to dote on animals

Dan: really protect the subjects?

Jii: Dan! You dare to insult the prince in front of the king?!

Dan: I'm prepared to sacrifice my life to say this.

Dan: Your Highness!

Dan: Only Prince Barkas can lead this country and its people!

Dan: His acumen in m*llitary strategy, his political savvy,

Dan: and above all, his status as the eldest son make him truly fit to be king!

Dan: So why hasn't he been appointed successor?

Jii: Dan, don't cause any more political unrest than you already have.

Dan: Shut up!

Dan: You're just a hyena who wants to leech off of Prince Hata!

Jii: Hmph. You know very well why he hasn't been made successor.

Jii: Prince Barkas certainly is brilliant and has a personality fit to be king.

Jii: But there is one kingly quality that he crucially loses out to Prince Hata on.

Jii: That's right. He is tiny!

Jii: Oh, pardon me. I forgot that you're pretty small yourself.

Jii: I mean the symbol of our race's males and our pride:

Sign: Peerinitis

Jii: Peerinitis.

Jii: Or, for short, Penis!

Sign: Penis

Jii: Since ancient times, a male's worth has been decided by his forehead Penis's size,

Jii: and we've placed utmost importance on it.

Jii: Regardless of everything else, the one with the bigger Penis is better.

Jii: The one with the bigger Penis is more popular.

Jii: The one with the bigger Penis has an easier time hailing taxis.

Jii: The one with the bigger Penis is a superior creature!

Jii: The royal family is no exception.

Jii: Even if he was born first, even if he's hugely talented,

Jii: one with a tiny Penis has no right to be king!

Jii: Because while hard work can make up for a lack of talent,

Jii: nothing can be done about Penis size!

Jii: You want to ignore that tradition and make a tiny man king?!

Jii: Have some shame!

Dan: H-He's not tiny! Even the prince is average when erect...

G: Dan, don't go there. Don't bring up erections.

Jii: If you bring that up, Prince Hata is much bigger when he has a chub, too!

G: Nes, don't go there. Don't bring up chubs.

Dan: I'm saying that the tradition is a blight on our race!

Dan: Can one rule the country with one's Penis?

Dan: Even if he has a small Penis, a talented man will build a better country!

Dan: Who cares about a Penis? What is a Penis, anyway?!

Jii: Are you insulting His Highness?

Jii: He became king solely through the size of his Penis!

Jii: If you took his Penis away, what would he have left?

Jii: Just water, that's what!

Dan: You're the one insulting him!

Dan: His Highness has plenty of virtues aside from his Penis.

Jii: What are they? Enlighten us!

Dan: U-Uh, you know, he has an easier time hailing taxis!

Jii: That's because he has a big Penis!

Jii: His Highness has nothing but his Penis! He has to stake it all on his Penis!

Jii: Turn it around, and it means even a blockhead can be competent if he has a big Penis.

Jii: As long as he has a big Penis, everything else will work itself out!

Jii: Right, Your Highness?

Jii: Your Highness!

Jii: Hang in there, Peni— Your Highness!

Dan: Call a doctor!

Jii: Your Highness, please tell us before you go!

Dan: Who will be the next king?

Jii: The one with the big Penis?

Dan: The one who has a smaller Penis but is capable?

Jii: Big Penis?

Dan: Smaller Penis but capable?

Bo: Your Highness!

K: Th-The one... who has a big Penis... and is capable...

Bark: I suppose Father could never forget about Brother.

Bark: Our elder brother,

Bark: First Prince of Planet Okoku, Dragonia.

Bark: A hero who was hailed as the Nine-Dragon Prince.

Bark: At the young age of five, his Penis was as long as a dragon's whisker,

Sign: years old

Bark: and his talents threatened to pierce the heavens, like a dragon's horns.

Bark: They said that the country was sure to prosper if he became king.

Bark: But the massive size of his Penis led to tragedy,

Bark: and he left us all behind.

Bark: That's what you call a king.

Hata: Th-That's not true, Brother!

Hata: You're just as good! It's just, your Penis...

Hata: Sorry.

Bark: Don't say that, Hata.

Bark: In these peaceful times, a kind man like you is better suited to be king.

Bark: But if I remain here, that peace won't last long.

Bark: Fighting will surely break out over the throne.

Bark: Become a kind king who loves all living beings, Hata.

Hata: Brother...

Hata: Brother...

Hata: Close shave! I d*ed for a moment just now!

Hata: What's this? What's going on right now, again?

G: Unhand the prince, you knave!

Kat: Prince Half-Wit... I'd heard that you love animals,

Kat: but to think you'd build an ark to keep Earth's species alive...

Kat: I see you in a new light now.

Kat: But there's something you should keep in mind.

Kat: Earth also has savage beasts that you can't handle.

Kat: Send word to your country at once!

Kat: "The prince's life is in danger!

Kat: Gather up all the troops in the country and rush to his aid!

Kat: The entire army of Planet Okoku must make the prince's wish come true.

Kat: We must rise up to protect Earth and stop the Liberation Army!"

Sak: Zura! You...

Sak: In this desperate situation,

Sak: are you trying to find Earth an ally?

Hat: Are you out of your mind?!

Hat: You want us to fight the entire universe for you lot?!

Kat: I'm not telling you to fight.

Kat: The Liberation Army is currently rooted to Earth.

Kat: They think it has no allies across the universe.

Kat: What do you think will happen if an allied army suddenly shows up?

Sign: Liberation Army

Kat: All you need to do is draw the enemy's attention.

Sign: Okoku Army

Kat: After that, you're free to flee if you want.

Sign: Not Zura, Katsura

Kat: We'll take that opportunity to take over the Liberation Army's HQ and stop the w*r.

Kat: This way, you can protect all of Earth's species.

Hata: Screw you! Our own species could die out from this!

Hata: Besides, why should I care about Earth's survival?

Hata: I was just building a collection! Who the hell brought this stray dog in?!

Jii: Your orders were to take in species from Earth at random, Prince.

Hata: Can't you tell the difference

Hata: between species that are better off dead and ones that need protection, geezer?!

Jii: Understood, Prince.

Jii: Hey, get rid of the Joi Rebills along with that white pig.

Hata: Sorry about that. Protect the pig, okay?

Hata: The pig can live, don't you think?

Jii: Don't you get it?

Jii: Right now, your life isn't in the hands of the Joi Rebills or the Liberation Army,

Jii: but this old man here!

Jii: Where's your reply, pig?

Hata: O-Oink!

Jii: Hear that, men?

Jii: To protect our country, the prince is acting like a pig

Jii: and telling you to sh**t him and the enemy.

Jii: Pull the trigger.

Hata: Nothing's changed!

Mad: That stray dog

Mad: ain't the only one in here.

Mad: Why not get rid of it along with the baa-ing white goat?

Hata: You!

Kat: You sure took your time, Chief of Immigration.

Mad: Yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Mad: I had to get up from clinging to the ground and drag myself here.

Mad: Cut me some slack.

Mad: A loser underdog has his own way of flying.

Mad: I munched on dog food and did the dog paddle to get all the way here.

Mad: Now, shall we be on our way, Master?

Kat: It's time for a walk.

Jii: No! I don't want to die, but I don't want to fight the Liberation Army, either!

Hata: Serves you right! This is what you get for getting carried away!

Jii: It's all your fault for bringing this guy in to get your revenge, Prince Hog!

Hata: Hasegawa-san! k*ll that geezer already!

Jii: Hey, Joi Rebills! I'll work with you, so k*ll that pig prince!

Hata: Somebody shut that geezer up! Fire!

Jii: Go ahead and fire! But make sure to k*ll that pig after me!

Hata: Fire, now!

Jii: Open fire!

Dan: I opened fire,

Dan: just as you ordered.

Hata: Dan, you!

Kat: g*nf*re?

Kat: Zura, what's going on?!

Kat: Zura!

Dan: I have waited a long time for this.

Dan: I've waited ever since you people exiled Prince Barkas

Dan: for this moment when I could wipe out the morons with nothing but big Penises

Dan: and establish a country of tiny ones.

Dan: If we joined forces with Earth,

Dan: not only would our country get wiped out, but also our entire planet.

Dan: At least be of use to the country with your dying breath,

Dan: by disappearing from this world along with your incompetent Penises.

Kat: Elizabeth... Hey, Elizabeth!

Dan: But before you go, I have something to ask you.

Dan: Why did you stay a prince even after you took over the country?

Dan: Why'd you leave the throne empty instead of becoming king?!

Shi: But you do have a king.

Shi: A capable man with a huge Penis,

Shi: the Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia.

Shi: Back then, you said this...

Hata: Brother, he's right here.

Hata: With his big Penis and vast talents... He's right here.

Hata: I have a big Penis,

Hata: and you're overflowing with talent.

Hata: If we work together, we can be Dragonia.

Hata: So I'll remain a prince and wait.

Shi: "Wait for the other half of me and Dragonia."

Shi: Dan, stand down!

Shi: Who do you think that man is?

Shi: Who do you think we are?

Shi: It's the return of the king.

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Silver Soul,OP Card: Silver Soul

Shi: Leaving my kid brother alone,

Shi: I left the country

Shi: so that the peaceful country would have a kind king befitting it,

Shi: believing that there'd be a country out there that suited me more.

En: Oh? I didn't know our lukewarm neighbors had a fiery man like you.

En: Who are you?

Shi: On a b*ttlefield, both princes and laymen fall to the ground equally as corpses.

Shi: Isn't that right, Prince Ensho?

Shi: I cast aside my name, my status, and my Penis,

Shi: and kept fighting in search of a country of my own.

Shi: But the place at the end of my journey

Shi: was here after all.

Shi: My little brother, Hata.

Shi: Seeing you still waiting for me to return made me realize

Shi: that I was merely running away.

Shi: The b*ttlefield I belonged on was in front of my eyes all along.

Shi: Hata, forgive me. I made you fight all by yourself for so long.

Shi: But I will not run away anymore.

Shi: Even if standing beside my kid brother with a big Penis covers me in disgrace,

Shi: even if the responsibility of being a great prince's kid brother crushes me,

Shi: I will fight alongside you!

Shi: Exposing this tiny Penis for all to see!

Shi: Men, we are the great Okoku Kingdom's king,

Shi: Dragonia!

Jii: P-Prince?

Dan: No way... He was alive?

Shi: Dan, you people once tried to make me king.

Shi: Could you lower your g*ns out of respect for me?

Shi: This is no time to be fighting over Penis sizes.

Shi: Both tiny and big must join Penises and fight together.

Shi: To that end, the big Hata and the tiny me will become king!

Shi: Let's work together and take down the Liberation—

Dan: Don't be fooled!

Dan: He d*ed a long time ago!

Dan: Exorcise the specter that threatens to lead our tiny Penis faction astray!

Shi: You can't believe, Dan?

Shi: Then come see me! I'll show you my Penis that's just as tiny as yours!

Dan: Wh-What are you doing? Hurry up and fire.

G: B-But Minister, that huge Penis is definitely...

Shi: Huge penis?

Shi: Huh? Who are you talking about?

Kat: E-Elizabeth...

G: The hell is that?

G: Something outrageous came out of Elizabeth-san after he got knocked out!

Jii: Prince, you might not remember because you were so young,

Jii: but I have never once forgotten the sight.

Jii: That giant Penis that looks like a dragon's whisker

Jii: definitely belongs to the eldest of the three princes of Planet Okoku,

Jii: the one who was considered to have d*ed in an accident,

Jii: the legendary Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia!

That's what you meant?!

Shi: There was another prince there, too?

Shi: Was nobody listening to me at all?

Shi: Hey, Hata? Dan?

Shi: Are you listening to me?

Dan: Fire! Hurry up and fire!

Sign: Eight One Two Seven Nine Three Six Five Four

Numbers,Sign: One

Numbers,Sign: Two

Numbers,Sign: Three

Numbers,Sign: Four

Numbers,Sign: Five

Numbers,Sign: Six

Numbers,Sign: Seven

Numbers,Sign: Eight

Numbers,Sign: Nine

Numbers,Sign: One

Numbers,Sign: Two

Numbers,Sign: Three

Numbers,Sign: Four

Numbers,Sign: Five

Numbers,Sign: Six

Numbers,Sign: Seven

Numbers,Sign: Eight

Numbers,Sign: Nine

Numbers,Sign: One

Numbers,Sign: Two

Numbers,Sign: Three

Numbers,Sign: Four

Numbers,Sign: Five

Numbers,Sign: Six

Numbers,Sign: Seven

Numbers,Sign: Eight

Numbers,Sign: Nine

sign___Nine_Headed_Drag,Sign: Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash

sign___Nine_Headed__Dra,Sign: Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash!

sign___One_,Sign: One

sign___Two,Sign: Two

sign___Three,Sign: Three

sign___Four,Sign: Four

sign___Five,Sign: Five

sign___Six,Sign: Six

sign___Seven,Sign: Seven

sign___Eight,Sign: Eight

sign___Nine_,Sign: Nine

Jii: What power!

Jii: A technique most worthy of Nine-Dragon, said to possess nine Penis heads.

Hata: Gramps, forget a worthy Nine-Dragon technique, isn't that just a rip-off?

Hata: Isn't it just Nine-Headed Dragon Trash?

Jii: You're alive, Prince Dragonia?

Hata: You're letting them out?

Jii: You look different now, but I've never forgotten how your Penis looked.

Hata: Hey, Gramps! You call it a Penis, but it might actually be one!

Hata: It might be the one that hangs from the crotch!

Kat: Elizabeth, you...

Penis: Katsura-san, I've always lived through life not knowing anything about myself.

Hata: Uh, Gramps? The Penis is talking!

Penis: Who was I, and where was I born?

Penis: I've lived my life never thinking about that or questioning it.

Hata: Hey, Gramps! Which one's Brother here?

Hata: Which one's the actual body? Is this what he was like?

Penis: But when I hit my head hard just now, I feel like I caught a glimpse.

Penis: I think I once had an accident so bad that I forgot who I was.

Penis: And while I was on the brink of death...

Sign: From now on, you're one of us.

Penis: I don't recall the details.

Penis: But there is just one thing I've clearly remembered.

Penis: My name is Dragonia.

Hata: Dragonia, my foot!

Hata: What was that flashback?

Hata: The one that showed up midway looked more like you!

Hata: Which one was you, and how did Brother end up like this from that situation?

Jii: I don't really understand all of it,

Jii: but since his Penis is big, does it really matter?

Hata: Are you looking at nothing but the Penis, you shitty geezer?

Jii: Prince Dragonia!

Jii: We have eagerly awaited your return, the return of our king!

G: Prince Hata! Are you all right?

G: What happened here?

G: Wait! That Penis...

Hata: Hey, you guys try talking some sense into him, too.

Hata: Gramps is saying this monster Penis is Prince Dragonia.

G: Our King, please give us the order to sh**t that insolent pig to death.

Hata: A big Penis is enough to get you to switch sides? You guys are way too easy!

Jii: Could you please return home

Jii: and rebuild the country that the stupid prince ruined?

Hata: Who're you calling the stupid prince?

Penis: Dragonia doesn't exist within me anymore.

Sign: That's just an empty name.

Penis: I'm not Dragonia from Planet Okoku anymore.

Sign: I've become Elizabeth from Earth.

Penis: So I have no right to be king.

Penis: But even if I can't be king,

Penis: I can fight with you and help you take back your king.

Penis: They may be lacking as kings by themselves,

Penis: but together...

Penis: No, if they have your support,

Penis: I'm sure they'll be splendid kings.

Penis: So would you please fight alongside us?

Penis: Earth is all alone in the universe, and I want you to be its friend!

Title: Silver Soul Arc

Title: Men Must Live Not Long Nor Thick, but Hard

G: The path! The enemy's interference has split up our force!

G: The squad in the rear is being ambushed by the enemy.

G: Shall we go back to help?

Dak: No need.

Dak: It's mere child's play that must be ignored.

Dak: Desperate schemes can't overturn the difference in numbers.

Dak: Let's go!

Dak: Oh? I thought it was just a ploy to slow us down,

Dak: but they're seriously out to stop us, huh?

Cat: Looks like it's started.

Oto: Are they dividing the enemy

Sign: Kabuki District

Sign: Divide

Sign: Oniwaban

Sign: Oniwaban

Sign: Shinsengumi

Oto: and trying to weaken them before they get here, perhaps?

Sign: Kabuki District First

Oto: It's time.

Oto: I hope you're all ready.

G: Detected enemy approach!

All: Let's go!

Oto: Open combat!

Shin: Gin-san?!

TBC,Sign: To Be Continued

Preview,Sign: Preview

Shin: Wait! Time out!

Shin: We're on your side! We're Odd Jobs!

Sai: I hope you're prepared to have your balls plucked out!

Title: Silver Soul Arc

Title: Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes Like the Inch-High Samurai

TextR: The Liberation Army reaches the Kabuki District,

TextL: and the residents must all fight together.

TextR: The back-and-forth battle at the Kabuki District begins!

TextL: And you may have been suddenly taken out, but stand up and fight, Gintoki!

Side Bar Bottom: ,Thank you all for coming.