This next song
is our most requested song this week
and it's going out to my dog, Hank.
Hank, sorry about your balls.
Gonna walk to the edge of the world
Let's have some fun
Gonna dance till the end of time
Let's turn it up
Oh, yeah.
Let's make life a movie
And charge our friends to come
'Cause we're living...
...tonight
Live it up tonight
- Mr. Mayor.
- Bitsy.
Let's roll this Royce.
The Dagmont has a new doorman.
Pull up, pull up!
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Your hotel sucks.
Drive, drive, drive. Drive!
Got him. Stupid doorman. Stupid Dagmont.
So, that was fun.
Bitsy, are we having a meeting
with Mayor Whitebottom
or are we pranking the hotel next door?
We can do both.
Stupid Dagmont Hotel
with their dumb new awning
and their five-star rating
and their cucumber water.
Why are we meeting in your car again?
Because I have to get my hair done
and be back at the hotel
before the award ceremony tonight.
Yes, and as mayor of New York,
I don't have anything
I'm supposed to be doing before then.
- Good. Whatever.
- I'm being sarcastic.
Bitsy Brandenham decided
she wanted the mayor
to give her an award that she made up.
They're calling it
the Businessperson and Humanitarian
and Role Model Icon of the Year Award.
The ceremony is being held
at the Brandenham this evening,
and what a bash.
The mayor will be there.
Bitsy will be there.
Some of her employees are required
to be there in rented tuxedos.
Whitney, did you finish preparing
your opening remarks about me?
I copied a cool speech off the Internet.
Just did find and replace. Wherever
it said "SEAL Team Six," I put "Bitsy."
And you'll mention the rampant
mismanagement and corruption in the park?
- I will?
- Yes.
The dirt on the park manager that we got
because you launched that audit
of the park I asked for.
- Totally.
- Oh, my God.
Tell me you launched the park audit
and you're not just
texting about it right now.
Nope. Just checking my horoscope.
It's good. It says it's good.
Oh, Sagittarius.
He's texting. He just wrote, "Super forgot
about the park audit. Must happen today."
Then he did one of those
tongue-out eyes-crossed emojis.
Damn it, Whitebottom!
This is the main reason
I'm doing this damn award ceremony.
You audit the park. You find something
funky. You put it in your speech.
You casually segue to talking about
how great I am
and how amazing my hair looks.
You give me the award I bought.
Standing ovation. We all get drunk!
I'm on it. I'm on it. Don't worry.
I'm putting my best auditor on it.
She... She audits so good.
Is she...
No, she's clean.
But she always finds something.
They call her the prauditor.
It's a combination
of predator and auditor.
I know what a prauditor is.
There's that soft pretzel guy I hate.
Pull over. Pull over.
Knock knock.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- It's tonight.
- What is?
The Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour.
- Are you still doing homework?
- Molly, you're not listening.
The Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour tonight.
Zoom Abramovich runs one of those
New York City pop culture walking tours.
There are plenty of tour guides who do
Seinfeld, Friends, Sex and the City,
but Zoom Abramovich goes deep.
He does the sequels. Ghostbusters II,
Stuart Little 2, Arthur 2.
He does the bloopers,
he does deleted scenes,
the nuts and bolts of film financing.
And he does it all with panache.
Welcome, everybody, to the Vanilla Sky:
Tom Cruise Penélope Cruz
Cruise Down Memory Lane Tour.
Before we get started,
who needs me to explain the movie?
Lot of hands. Okay.
The Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour happens at night.
It's something Cole and Molly are very
interested in attending, Cole especially,
and they're gonna ask their parents
if they can do it by themselves.
- No.
- No.
Gah, no, please.
It's my favorite movie of all time.
It's about hope and light and life.
Come on. It's a one-night-only thing.
And I'll be with him. Let me show you
how responsible I can be.
Molly thinks
that if she can prove to her parents
that she can take care of her brother
out of the house at night,
it will lead to all sorts
of unsupervised night excursions
like movies and, like,
m*rder mystery dinner theater.
I don't know what kids do.
See? See?
See how I'm taking care of him?
- He's so safe.
- Too much. Too much.
Your father and I need to have
a conference. Owen, what do you think?
What if they never go out at night
until they're 40?
- But they're with Zoom. We know Zoom.
- That's true.
Zoom's all right. Zoom's a grown-up.
He is a grown-up.
His name's Zoom though, but okay.
- Okay. Should we tell the kids?
- Yes. Please tell us.
- You can go.
- Yes!
But on 12 conditions.
There are actually 25.
And finally,
every four and a half minutes,
text your dad and me the words,
"I'm alive."
Maybe there's some wiggle room
with that one?
Fine. Text me if you're getting k*lled.
Okay. I'll send you a thumbs-down.
So, you know what happens at night, Cole?
It gets dark.
- Your dad's a smart one.
- I'm saying Cole might get scared.
Scared? I'm a big boy now.
Do big boys refer to themselves
as big boys?
Ask my big boy bike.
Sometimes you're...
you know, at nighttime.
It's okay, Dad.
Nighttime and I had our beefs,
but I think we're on good terms right now.
Daytime's getting
a little jealous actually.
Okay, good. Just checking.
So, what time does it end?
- Eight.
- Home by 8:15?
- Home by 8:15.
- And did you finish your homework?
I'm just kidding. Of course you didn't.
- Get out of here.
- Yes!
We are alone, my friend.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Catch up on chores and housework?
- Hell yeah.
Gonna walk to the edge of the world
Let's have some fun
Gonna dance till the end of time
Let's turn it up
Let's make life a movie
And charge our friends to come
- 'Cause we're living...
- Wait. We have to go out.
Yeah, what are we doing?
We're young. Are we young?
- Yeah, we're young.
- Then let's go out.
When was the last time
we had a date night?
I don't know but we printed out
the MapQuest.
So we're going out.
You don't think she went too far?
No, I think you can pull that off.
And I don't look too young?
I promise you don't.
Oh, all right, then.
I guess I feel banquet-ready.
I've got my hair done.
I've got my banquet teeth bleached.
Oh, wait, where are my jade earrings?
Did you get them back
from that talking-too-much shampoo girl?
They're right here.
Well, don't just stand there.
Move the dumpster.
Probably fell down there.
Gone forever. Bye-bye earring.
- Lift it up.
- The heavy metal grate?
Yes. Don't be such a wuss.
There's rungs and you have feet, so...
Hurry up. I'm bored.
I can't believe we're really doing this.
Do you think they have wine?
Am I crazy or did a couple just get up
from the table in front of the fireplace?
- Crap, it's Elwood.
- No, no, no. Don't take it.
I have to. He never calls when I'm off
unless it's an emergency.
Except for that one time he thought
a raccoon was stalking him.
- Hey, Elwood.
- Owen, it's Elwood.
Yeah, no, I know. Go ahead.
There's a city auditor from the city
here to do an audit.
What? Wendell's back?
He just did our quarterly.
It's not Wendell. It's his boss, Anita,
and she's carrying a big thermos.
- Babe, we got a problem.
- It's okay.
Hey, you know what's better
than going to drinks right now?
Going to drinks later.
We're not gonna get more tired.
Thank you, babe.
This will take no time at all.
Getting through an audit quickly
is my superpower
- because I'm organized and I'm honest.
- Just like in the bedroom.
Before we start our Home Alone 2:
Lost in New York Deleted Scenes Tour,
be sure to sign your waivers.
They're not for your safety, they're
to protect my intellectual property.
This is my life's work.
This is so cool.
That girl's way older than me
and she's here with her dad.
She's really close with her dad.
Yeah, she is. Like, too close.
All right. If we're ready,
then let's start the tour
by saying what they do at the beginning
of every Home Alone movie. "Kevin!"
- All right, say it with me. "Kevin!"
- Kevin!
You guys are a great group.
I hope the rest of the tour
is as good as this.
Hey, have you noticed how totally fine
I am in the vast, vast darkness?
- So cool. So natural.
- So natural.
Okay, good. I'm glad you noticed.
Now, shh! Let's pay attention to the tour.
Zoom's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour
So, let's zoom in on a little-known fact
Joe Pesci slapped his stunt double here
But then they became best friends
And everybody called them Double Trouble
Molly, slap me in the face.
No, no, take my picture.
Little-known fact
The script once featured a subplot
Where the Pigeon Lady helps solve a m*rder
In the Diana Ross Playground
Weirdly the same m*rder happened
A month later in real life so they cut it
Whoa. Get a picture of me
by the m*rder slide.
Zoom's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour
So, let's zoom in on a little-known fact
In the film you saw
Kevin escaped the bad guys
By stowing away on the back
Of one of these carriages
What you didn't get to see
Was one of the horses going into labor
And Macaulay Culkin
Delivered that horse baby
And they caught it on film
But it wasn't part of the story
Now it's just part of Zoom's Home Alone 2:
Lost in New York Deleted Scenes Tour
Everybody, sing it.
Zoom's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Deleted Scenes Tour
Do you want a picture by the carriage?
I think I just wanna sit and think
about the bigness of everything.
- I can't find it anywhere.
- Well, it can't have gone far.
- Wait, wait. No!
- No. No, no, no!
- Stop that, you idiot! We're down here.
- This dumpster shouldn't be right here
No, no, no, no, no
I can't move it.
- That's not good.
- No service. You?
We have the same plan, so no.
Great, now we're trapped down here.
I've gotta get to that ceremony.
If I'm not there, I won't get my award,
and I won't get to crap on the park.
And you'll have waxed my neck for nothing.
Wait. You know what I bet this is?
This is one of the old
Prohibition tunnels.
It went to a speakeasy that used to be
where the Dagmont is now.
Wow, history's really coming alive.
- Look, there's a door.
- Where we going?
I'm gonna get us out of here,
Miss This-is-probably-all-your-fault.
I've got an award to receive.
Owen's never had a weird
surprise nighttime audit before,
but he's not freaking out.
He's got nothing to hide.
I mean, look at that walk.
That's the walk of a confident man.
Or a man who has to pee confidently.
Here's the rest of 'em. I'm not quite sure
why any of this is happening,
but you'll find every "T" is crossed,
every "I" is dotted.
Except for the capital "I".
Anyway, like I was saying,
this really isn't necessary.
Wendell's audits are very thorough.
He's like a human calculator
with the friendliest eyes.
I imagine Wendell's audits are fine.
Every once in a while, city employees
get what we call a cavity search audit.
Like when a dentist
searches your mouth for cavities?
Yes, if those cavities were money you took
that didn't belong to you
and you hid it in your butt.
Okay. Got it.
If anyone in this operation
has ever so much as taken a dime
and slipped it in their pocket,
I'll find it.
- I don't work here. I didn't do it.
- Paige.
Sorry, she's terrifying.
Okay, I see you spent $850
on worms last month.
- That seems high.
- It's a park. A big one.
Then I'm gonna need a receipt. A big one.
No problemo.
Those were discount worms too.
I actually saved the park some money
when we got those worms.
They were floor models. I'm kidding.
And I've got all the receipts right here.
Okay.
"Window screens, woodchips, wood glue."
We'll skip over the wood stuff
and... here we go.
"Worms." The receipts
are in chronological order, so...
That's weird.
Let me just go through them again.
Owen's doing a lot of narrating.
That's... That's fine.
No receipt for $850 worth of worms?
I have it. I swear we have it.
I definitely have it.
Elwood, didn't you get the last shipment?
Yeah.
Okay, I may have also bought
a worm for myself as a pet.
That's fine, Elwood, I guess,
but where's the receipt for our worms?
I may have made it into a temporary
worm house to get Dianne home.
Who rescued who?
And you brought it back?
He asked, not at all upset.
- I wanna say yes.
- Good.
I really wanna say yes.
I really, really wanna say yes.
- Elwood!
- I threw it away.
Okay.
So at least we know there was a receipt
and now it's gone. What do we do?
Either produce the receipt
or produce the items.
Well, the worms are in the ground.
- Except Dianne.
- Except Dianne.
Then I guess I'm gonna have to report this
as a possible misuse of funds.
Wait! We get our worms
from Soil Yourself in Brooklyn.
I'm sure I can get you another copy of
the receipt first thing tomorrow morning.
That's not how
a cavity search audit works.
Here's the deal. They send me.
I come up with stuff. It's real stuff.
They told me tonight, go to you.
I come to you. I find a missing receipt.
So I'm gonna file my report,
then go to my salsa class.
Oh, no. That sounds bad. Not the salsa.
That's good for you. The other stuff.
I really don't want you
to file that report.
Things are weird right now
between the park and the city.
- I don't know what's going on.
- Yeah, really weird.
Okay. What if I can get you
that receipt in the next hour?
Less than an hour.
I mean, an hour.
Sorry, I'm trying to help.
Anita, when's salsa class?
8:00.
7:45 if you want to dance with Pedro.
And everyone wants to dance with Pedro.
Get ready to dance with Pedro.
Or possibly the next best guy.
Be right back. Don't go anywhere.
Wow, you sounded pretty confident
in there just now.
- I would've thought you'd be...
- Freaking out. I'm freaking out.
Okay. It's okay. It'll be okay.
Mama's here.
Sorry about date night.
Dates are for dopes.
There's no way we'll make it in time.
Well, we've got two choices.
We can try or we can k*ll her.
I'll follow your lead
whichever way you go with it.
Now, as night falls, we move on
to the most exciting part of the tour.
The deleted night scenes.
Come, let's amble into The Ramble.
You may be wondering
Why they deleted these night scenes
Was it because they were too scary?
You be the judge
Wait, what's happening?
Sure, Home Alone 2 was rated PG
But the unreleased director's cut
Was a hard PG
For spookiness
Remember when pigeons
att*cked the bad guys
Bet you never saw the deleted night scene
When they were att*cked again by bats
Okay. This is getting a little freaky.
Listen, do you hear that?
Those aren't normal bats
Some say the production company
snuck them in from Woodland, New Jersey,
and when filming was over,
they released them into the park to breed.
- This isn't fun anymore.
- Don't be scared. I'm sure there's no...
- Bats!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
Cole, where are you going?
We're supposed to stay with the tour.
Okay, we went from a weird tunnel
to a weird storeroom. That's progress.
Locked. That's not good. Hold that door.
Great. Perfect.
Yup. Thanks.
Helen, fight them. Use those big feet.
Cole! Stop running!
You're my responsibility.
You can't take off like that.
I don't wanna die.
I get it. That bat swarm was crazy.
One of them
bumped into the back of my neck.
Hold on. Did you get bumped or bitten?
- Bumped. Why?
- Because you're scratching, Molly.
Seems like you got bit,
which could only mean one thing.
- Rabies?
- You're a vampire!
Cole, I'm not a vampire.
Come bat... Back!
- I didn't mean to say bat.
- I heard "bat."
You know what I meant!
Oh, great.
- Oh, good. Lots of cabs.
- So many cabs.
Oh, boy.
- Oh, no. Oh, boy. Oh, no.
- Taxi!
Okay. We can still make it to Brooklyn
and back in an hour. Right? Right?
Nope.
Okay, don't panic, gotta find
My little brother in the darkness
I'm not panicking
So, hey, I blew it
Told my parents I could handle this alone
But look what's happening
Had a few complications
What a lesson in expectations
In the park, in the dark
Let my little brother down
Unprepared, he was scared and fled
I did not account for this
Didn't count on this
I did not account for this, no
In the bats' habitats
In the middle of the night
Wasn't fun, had to run
I did not account for this
Didn't count on this
I did not account for this, no
Looks like we're screwed, this audit
Snuck up and it bit us in the worms
But keep on pedaling!
No subways running
Now we're gunning it to stop
That city gal from all her meddling
Fighting with transportation
To get documentation
In the rain, what a pain
But our butts are on the line
Took a look at our books and no
We did not account for this
Didn't count on this
- How did worms amount to this?
- Yeah, I don't know.
Out of hand, wasn't planned
But I'll try to set it right
- Got a goal - Hello, Cole?
Oh, no
I did not account for this
Didn't count on this
I did not account for this, no
I saw their beady eyes
And they had a secret plan
And they wanted me to die
So I turned around and ran
This should've been a cinch
I'm a semi-grown adult
They should trust me in a pinch
But he's gone and it's my fault
Why does Elwood have a worm for a pet
Named Dianne?
Should we talk about that?
- Let's not.
- Yeah, you're right.
Gotta go, didn't know
That my life would end tonight
- Dianne
- Hit a snag, what a drag
I did not account for this
Didn't count on this
- My beautiful worm, Dianne
- I did not account for this, no
Stop! That's it!
I did not account for this
Dianne
Can you see my bra?
Let's just say... I don't know
the right answer. I definitely can.
I have that bra. And I have a mole
like that. How can I help you guys?
I need receipts for some worms
I purchased. Can you reprint them?
Sure, no problem.
About what time did you buy them?
About three o'clock last month?
- Last month? Sorry.
- No.
Please? There has to be something
we can do, bra sister?
- I guess you could ask Roz.
- Who's Roz?
My manager, but she's leaving.
Roz. Roz! Hello. Quick question for you.
Sorry, I'm in a hurry.
If I don't help my kid
sell these scented candles,
his class won't go on their trip
to Gettysburg.
First of all, he should be
selling those candles, not you.
What is he learning from this?
I just wanna be involved in his life.
I have two kids. I totally understand.
Mother to mother,
can you help my husband before you go?
Mother to mother,
can I unload these candles on you?
One of the benefits of being a narrator
is you can do your job from anywhere.
So, like, while it's raining,
I can stay here where it's dry and safe.
No! Bats! Bats!
Damn it. I'm gonna miss
my award ceremony.
I finally won something.
- I mean, you paid for it.
- That's not the point.
Might as well pass the time
drinking some Prohibition bathtub gin
or whatever this is.
"Margarita mix?" This is modern hooch.
Wait a minute.
We must be under the Dagmont.
- Whoops.
- Great.
Smells like spring break in here now.
- Oops.
- What are you doing?
- I'm screwing my competitor.
- Right, of course.
If that prauditor does her job,
then I'm screwing the park too.
This could end up
a pretty good night after all.
Even if we die down here?
Oh, right. Well, evens it out.
You wanna do one?
I'm not gonna pretend
that didn't feel a little good.
Helen, we should do this more often.
If no one comes down here,
then I think that was our one sh*t.
Crap. Should've saved some to drink.
Cole! There you are.
Funny, accusing me of being a vampire
when you're hanging like one.
I'm stuck. Help me.
No, wait. Get away from me!
Cole, for the last time,
I'm not a vampire.
That's exactly what a vampire would say.
Cole, calm down.
Let me help you not be upside down
and then you can look at my neck
and examine it for bite marks.
Sorry, you're gonna have
to take off your pants. I can't do this.
You could have also
walked around the fence like this.
This way was faster.
I can see that.
- Look, any bite marks?
- No.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Don't do that.
Oh, sh**t.
We have, like, ten minutes to get home.
Maybe it'd be faster if we flew?
Do you know where we are?
Central Park?
Right, but where? I don't recognize this.
Maybe because it's night?
If we're late, that's it.
Mom and Dad won't ever
let us go out alone again.
We'll be going to the movies with them
till we're 40.
People will point and say, "Hey, look.
There are those 40-year-old kids
who are always with their parents."
Should we just call Mom and Dad
and tell them to come get us?
No. No, dang it. No. Listen, pal.
I thought you were a fan
of the Home Alone movies.
I am. Maybe the biggest.
Kevin McAllister was in the park
by himself
and he didn't call his family at all.
Never mind that they didn't have
cell phones and his family was in Florida.
What did he do? He turned that trip
into the biggest adventure of his life.
He had the courage to stand up
to those sticky bandits
and he was alone a lot longer than us.
You're right.
We have to get home. Alone.
The two of us. Follow me.
So cold. Bones so cold.
Helen. Stop using your warmth
for your own body.
- Scooch closer and give it to me.
- No.
It's better if you don't.
You'd just be stealing mine.
I know your tricks.
Why hasn't anyone come yet?
Judging by the dust on everything,
no one's coming. Ever.
I can't breathe.
Is this normally how I breathe?
- Yup.
- It's so sad.
I haven't accomplished
what I wanted in my life.
I didn't buy the park, I never married.
I never had children.
You wanted those things?
No. All I ever wanted was the park,
but I didn't wanna sound selfish just now.
I guess if I have to die
trapped in a storage room
underground next to someone,
I could do a lot worse.
Thanks, Bitsy.
Okay, you ruined it.
There's a Kn*fe in my boot.
I can't reach it.
You take it, cut yourself open,
and I'll try to sleep inside you.
You have a Kn*fe in your boot?
What? You don't? That's embarrassing.
We can use this.
I'm gonna pry those hinge pins out.
I thought my idea
was pretty good too, but whatever.
Not bad but also not great. C plus.
We might have time to make the ceremony.
Wait! There's a cockroach in your hair.
Sorry, that's just your hair.
You almost had a friend.
Here's your Kn*fe. Catch.
- What?
- I mean, here.
Well, that's an hour.
They're not here,
so I'm probably going to miss my class.
Will you thank your boss
for ruining my life?
Whoa, okay.
I'll tell him but that doesn't seem fair.
I'm sorry. It's just when I miss
my salsa class, I get real cranky.
I get it. I've been kicking myself
for throwing away that receipt.
I mean, Owen trusts me
and I really let him down.
And now he'll probably fire me.
He'll probably get fired too.
Sorry, but I gotta call the mayor.
Oh, God. I cost him his job.
Maybe we'll look for work together.
Maybe we'll start a new park.
Five to eight. No bueno.
I should be hearing salsa music right now.
I think this is salsa
I'm not sure
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
She can't resist.
I don't know the moves, but I'll be happy
to try and do them with you.
Go limp.
So, what's the difference
between salsa and flamenco?
Talk with your hips.
Mom, Dad, we're home.
We're late
but there's a really good reason.
It has to do with bats, and Molly was
a vampire briefly but she's not anymore.
It's totally fine, I think.
Also, I'm not wearing pants
and it's kind of a new thing I'm doing
and you guys are gonna love it.
Where are they? Hello?
We got it! Okay.
- You're flexible, Elwood.
- I just look that way right now.
One receipt for $850 worth of worms.
- Okay. Great.
- That's it?
- Wow, really?
- Yup. The receipt's all I needed.
I'll call the mayor and tell him that
his park manager is an honest man.
An organized and honest man...
in the bedroom. Up top.
And that one of his workers
has unbelievable natural rhythm.
And fragrant deodorant?
Or actually, what am I smelling?
You're smelling 20 scented candles.
Lavender Mist-ery, and Fresh Gumbo,
which I don't know if I like.
- You want one?
- No.
See you next audit.
Sorry how our night turned out.
That was the best date night ever.
We went to Brooklyn.
We bought a buttload of candles.
Plus I bet we have
something to drink at home.
We have the half bottle of champagne
with the foil on top of it
from New Year's Eve.
What a night. Look at you.
You dressed up.
Where are you from?
Let me guess. New York?
Oh, good, he's just started.
He's doing his crowd work.
Did we get the dirt?
We did not get the dirt.
I'm going to punch you in the face.
I don't want you to do that.
Somebody loves tuxes over here.
What's that you've got there? A napkin?
What a crapshow. I need a drink.
Martini in a bowl. Wait, no, a bucket.
And keep 'em coming.
I'm sorry, Miss Brandenham.
We don't have martinis.
Fine. I'm not picky.
I'll take whatever you got.
Actually, at this point,
we have no alcohol at all.
That's impossible.
The Brandenham is never out of liquor.
Someone broke into our storeroom
and smashed it all.
- Even the margarita mix.
- What?
We're living the life
We're doing it right
We're living the dream, ah, baby
We're going all out
We're doing it right
We're living the dream, ah, baby
Gonna walk to the edge of the world
Let's have some fun
Gonna dance till the end of time
Let's turn it up
Let's make life a movie
And charge our friends to come
'Cause we're living tonight
We're living the life
We're doing it right
We're living the dream, ah, baby
We're going all out
We're doing it right
We're living the dream, ah, baby
Gonna walk to the edge of the world
Let's have some fun
Gonna dance till the end of time
Let's turn it up
Let's make life a movie
And charge our friends to come
'Cause we're living tonight
01x09 - Live It Up Tonight
Series revolves around Owen and his family living in Central Park in New York City who must save it from a greedy land developer.