02x09 - A Boat-iful Mind

[bunniefuu]

*CENTRAL PARK*
Season 02 Episode 09

Episode Title: "A Boat-iful Mind"
Aired on: March 04, 2022.

It may look like a beautiful day.

People having picnics, ducks ducking,
squirrels with flowers.

They're not holding the flowers, but
they're near them. You get what I mean.

But it's actually a terrible day

because today is the day that Cole,
sweet, confident, innocent Cole,

finds out that he's... I can't say it.

He's not good at everything.
Math class. Go.

What? There must be some mistake.

I got a D on my homework? I don't get D's.

Maybe she was starting to write
"Delicious" but got interrupted?

- Enrique, how did you do?
- So bad. Very, very bad.

You got an A.

I'm sorry, Cole. My stupid, smart brain.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Well, I just got a D ♪
♪ And that don't feel good to me ♪

♪ Listen up. ♪

♪ I'm bad ♪

♪ At geometry ♪

♪ This being bad thing is new to me ♪

♪ Never lost a thumb w*r ♪
♪ That's a fact ♪

♪ I can climb that tree ♪
♪ In just ten seconds flat ♪

♪ But when it comes to those ♪
♪ Lines and shapes ♪

♪ I'm behind the curve, I can't escape ♪

♪ I finally found the thing ♪
♪ I'm no good at ♪

♪ For real, congrats on the A, Enrique. ♪
♪ Bastard. ♪

♪ I'm bad ♪

♪ At geometry ♪

♪ This being bad thing is new to me ♪

♪ I'm undefeated at tic-tac-toe. ♪

♪ I even know all the state capitals. ♪

♪ I can do six somersaults in a row. ♪
♪ No hands. ♪

♪ I thought I had it going on ♪
♪ till I met these polygons. ♪

♪ You know my Simon Says game ♪
♪ Is on point ♪

♪ When he hula-hoops ♪
♪ It's like he has no joints ♪

♪ Equilateral, isosceles ♪

♪ Come on, people ♪
♪ You're k*lling me ♪

♪ I finally found the thing ♪
♪ I'm no good at ♪

♪ Am I having a nightmare? Wake up, Cole! ♪

♪ I'm bad ♪

♪ At geometry ♪

♪ Being bad feels bad to me ♪

♪ I'm bad ♪

♪ At geometry ♪

♪ Geometry, won't you set me free? ♪

Don't forget your weekend assignment.
It's due Monday.

My weekend assignment is baking brownies.

You okay?

This was just a fluke. I'm not worried.

I'll just study, I guess.

Trust me, this isn't happening again.

I'm going to be running big, lopsided
geometry circles around everybody.

- You mean an ellipse?
- Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.

All right, dish. Come to Mama.

We're having an "everything that's
about to expire" casserole

whether you like it or not.

Paige! Babe, you have to stop doing that.

I know we need a stepladder.
I've known since Christmas,

when you couldn't reach
that creepy Santa Claus gravy boat

that pours gravy from its eyes.

I'm buying us a stepladder.

Okay, but I'll miss feeling like
Tom Cruise doing my own stunts.

Hey, champions. How was school?

You should ask Cole.

- No, no. Definitely ask Molly.
- No, no. Cole's more interesting.

Okay. Cole, how was school?

The weather was nice.
Solid cafeteria offerings.

Really nothing to report at this time.
See ya.

Wait. What happened?

I got a D on my geometry homework.

- What?
- You did?

But it's fine, because I'm gonna nail
my weekend homework

and we'll laugh about this someday. Like…

Remember that time Cole got a D?
That was so crazy.

You need some help?
We might remember a thing or two.

Geometry is math, right?

Don't worry. I got this.

Hey, look. It's Molly from before.
What's up with you, girl?

Okay. Molly, your turn. How was school?

I actually got a comic published
in the school newspaper,

and everybody loved it.

What? You did?

Molly, so proud of you.
Did everyone love Fista Puffs?

I actually didn't do a Fista Puffs comic.

I did something totally different.
Something I'm very excited about.

Wow. That's great.

Yep, it's really great.

Nah, Molly doesn't actually
think it's really great.

When she heard the school newspaper
needed a new comic,

she thought she was
finally ready to reveal

her badass, amazing, follicly fierce
superhero Fista Puffs to the world.

But since Fista Puffs sketches
are pretty much her diary,

she chickened out and ended up
submitting something less Puff-y

and more, shall we say, bean-y?

Funny. Bean fart.

Yeah, funny.

- What was the inspiration?
- Was it Mom?

Well, beans make you fart.
That was my process.

Molly's like a celebrity at school now.

People keep coming up to her
and farting. In a good way.

The editor wants to
run another one next week.

So I guess I should get
the old bean brain going again.

- Attagirl.
- I guess when life hands you a bean, you...

- Make it fart?
- That's a good one.

- Molly, you could use that.
- Yep. This is my life now.

Helen, pillow me.

Not so rough.

I'm a delicate flower, you idiot.

If you're wondering why Bitsy seems
a little more horizontal than usual,

it's because she's having a gout att*ck.

Which is not deadly or anything,

but it does cause intense foot pain
for several days.

Gout is sometimes called
"rich person's disease"

because it's caused by eating rich foods
and drinking too much alcohol.

In Bitsy's case,
I'm surprised she ever doesn't have gout.

And there's another surprise
coming her way.

Gout ready, it's gout of this world.

Don't mock me.

Wait. My foot looks a lot like your foot.

In your perverse dreams.

I think I might be
having a gout att*ck too.

How could you get gout?

Definitely not from eating your leftovers.

Call Dr. Flombardi.

I need him to give me
a little something for my foot pain.

And maybe he can fix your weird boobs.

All right.
It's time to show geometry who's boss.

You can do this.

Feeling loose like a hypotenuse, I think?

Okay. So this isn't making total sense.

Maybe geometry is
more of an outside sport.

- This stepladder screams "us," right?
- Oh, yeah. I'd step on that.

Uh-oh. HondaFreak478 gave it two stars
and said it's "just okay."

That's just HondaFreak478's opinion.
Step up and buy it.

Yep, okay. Absolutely.

After I read a couple more reviews
and watch a few tutorials.

- I'll be studying outside if you need me.
- Good idea.

Maybe you'll find a tree and be like,
"That looks like a geometry tree.

A geome-tree."
Wait. That just sounds the same.

Let me show you a quick sketch.

I was thinking the bean farts and
then is like, "Is there a frog in here?"

That's great. I love it.
Sorry, it's really funny.

Really? You love that?

Yeah, I love it. What?

Me too.
The fart sounds like a frog. It's good.

Wow, I think I'm actually going insane.

- What? You're the one who drew it.
- Yeah, but you're not supposed to like it.

- I just love when the bean farts.
- Stop it.

Well, it seems you both
have a case of gout.

How could she have gout? She's poor.

I mean, it's not as good as your gout.
Yours is very rich. But it is gout.

- What are we supposed to do about it?
- You should avoid alcohol and red meat,

- and drink plenty of...
- I don't need a lecture.

I need dr*gs. Pill me.

Okay. I'll give you a bottle
of these painkillers.

Take one per day and stay on bed rest,

and you should both feel better
in a couple of days.

Thanks, Doctor.

A couple days of pain like my foot's got
a bunch of pissed-off fire ants biting it?

Give me something stronger.
Maybe some of that stuff from Canada?

The one made from goat testicles?

I'm sorry, my contact has gone dark.

I fear he's gone back
to architecture school.

- Selfish.
- Good for him.

- Helen!
- I mean, I hope he fails.

This doctor's no help.

Find me some of those Canadian pills.

I don't care if you have to play hockey
with Céline Dion, just do it.

- Wait. Seriously?
- Yes, seriously. And order me a steak.

Okay, working outside.

Maybe geometry didn't
come easy to me like most things,

but a little effort
and I'll be smooth… sailing?

Glorious Gary?

Hey there, GG. Did you break your leg?

Yep, trying to pee at a urinal.

Well, that can be tough.

- I was in skates.
- That makes it tougher.

Until I get back on my wheels,
I decided to put up my sails.

- Wanna give it a try?
- You know what?

I've been hitting the books real hard,
and I definitely deserve a break.

Now, don't get frustrated if
your boat tips over embarrassingly and...

Hey! You're picking this up fast.

I kind of am. Ahoy!

♪ Come along ♪
♪ It's real smooth sailing, I know ♪

♪ When the world is failing you ♪

♪ Your star will be born ♪
♪ On the starboard side with me ♪

♪ Yeah, I'll do my geometry later ♪
♪ Gonna sail this thing to the equator ♪

♪ 'Cause it's me and you ♪
♪ And the ocean blue ♪

♪ We're sailing ♪

♪ -Leave the land behind ♪
♪ -Land's stupid anyway. ♪

♪ -Now we're feeling fine ♪
♪ -Let's sail the day away. ♪

♪ Never gonna get enough ♪

♪ Some giant ducks give us thumbs-up ♪

♪ So if floating tiny boats ♪
♪ Floats your boat ♪

♪ It's the motion of the ocean for me ♪

♪ 'Cause it's you and me ♪
♪ And the sea makes three ♪

♪ We'll sail, sail ♪

♪ We'll be sailing ♪

Bon voyage, geometry.

So Cole spent the whole weekend
at the pond sailing

and not doing his homework.

And now he's back at school,

sailing straight into
a Monday morning geometry squall.

And by squall, I mean a big old mess,
because he forgot to do his homework.

Meanwhile, Molly's working through
her bean baggage.

I'm sorry, Manhole Man.

Even though we as a society
are responsible

for your steamy grossness and pollution,

for the good of the city,
you must be defeated.

Sorry, not sorry, to blow you off.

Wow, Fista Puffs.
There's so much to you as a character.

Hey, everybody.

What are you doing here?

This.

Yep. Okay, got it.
You're a bean that farts.

The dog did it.

Uh-huh. Great.

I'm gonna go defeat this
monster over here. Okay?

That was my chair.

- Stop it, Bean.
- Stop what?

- Hello?
- One second.

Hey, Molly. I love the bean fart comic.

You really know how to
cut to the heart of the cheese.

Never mind, I can't be funny like you.

Sorry, I have no time for your problems.

If anybody's gonna keep
my geometry homework afloat, it's me.

And hey, any idea where I might get my
hands on an admiral's uniform? No reason.

Long story short,
Cole got another D on his homework.

So now he's back at the pond,
sailing it off.

And for some personal news,

I woke up with a swollen foot
and thought I had gout.

But I realized a squirrel just
nibbled my toe while I was napping.

I had some nuts in my sock for later.

Dang. Well done, Cole.

I can't believe you b*at Horace.

- He's the toughest sailor here.
- Not anymore, he's not.

- Great race, Horace.
- Hey, listen.

The Model Sailboat Club is hosting
a big race here Wednesday afternoon.

It's like the mid-week Super Bowl
of model sailing,

except with less beer and more cardigans.

Any chance you would
want to be my skipper?

Me? Seriously? I'm flattered,
of course, but don't you want to do it?

I would, but you're good enough to win it.

My cousin in Connecticut
does model sailboating,

and I want us to win that cup
to rub in his cocky Connecticut face.

I'll be there. What time is it at?

- Two o'clock.
- Crap. That's when school is.

Oh, right. You go to school.

Maybe I can get them
to move school to earlier? Probably not.

He couldn't get them
to move school earlier.

And a day later,
he got his third D in geometry.

And getting three D's in a row

means he has to
get his homework signed by his parents.

But at least there are
no curveballs coming downstream.

Oh, wait.
There is a curveball coming downstream.

Sorry to mix metaphors.

Another test? Tomorrow?

I got them.

Took you long enough.
You finally got the good Canadian stuff.

How'd you pull this one out of your butt?

I know a guy who knows a guy who
knows a guy who pulled it out of his butt.

Give me two.

This says that taking more than half
a pill can cause extreme side effects.

Then the print gets too small to read.

I'm this close to
flicking your nose really hard.

Fine. I think I need two too.

You're so obsessed
with me and everything I do.

I found it. Behold the perfect stepladder.

This stepladder is made in Latvia
and used by the army.

Okay, Owen.
Then it's time to pull the trigger.

You can do it.
And click buy. And click buy.

All right. I'm clicking.

Oh, boy. What have I done? I wasn't ready!

Relax. If it doesn't work out,
you can always return it.

- To Latvia?
- Hey, kids. How are...

Great. Just great.
Everybody loves the bean.

Everybody wants the bean.

Here's the next bean.

"Why did I eat all that 'me' dip?"

He ate himself.

Wow. They keep getting better.

They do. They really do. Don't they, Dad?

Mom, Dad, I read that if you can
sign a paper without looking at it,

that means you're a genius. Try it.

Please tell me that's a sideways smile
and not another D?

That is a D. You're right.

Good eyes, Mom.
Now let's see that signature.

How is this possible?

You've been studying
in the park every day.

Yes. But also, instead of studying,

I've kinda, sorta, been doing
model sailboats with Glorious Gary.

- What?
- I'm sorry.

Model sailboats?

People race little sailboats on the pond.
They're radio-controlled.

- They're actually pretty cool.
- That does sound cool.

But, Cole, you're not doing any more
boating until your grades come up.

What? No. Without model sailboats,
I'm just a landlocked nobody.

Have you been lying about other things?
Do you not like my meat loaf?

Okay, one more thing. There's a test
tomorrow, and I haven't prepared for it.

But your meat loaf is wonderful.

Don't "your meat loaf is wonderful" me.
But, honestly, thank you for saying that.

You guys don't understand, I need to sail.

I'm of the sea now. The sea.

Cole, we're glad
you found something you're good at.

But school is also about
working on things you're not good at.

Which is less fun, sure,
but that's your stepladder to success.

- Not everything's a stepladder, Dad.
- Agree to disagree.

You smell funny, like a damp forest.

The colors of this room taste funny.

Helen, is that a giraffe?

♪ Is that really there? ♪
♪ Is this really air? ♪

♪ Bitsy, please make things stop moving ♪

♪ When you close your eyes ♪
♪ Reality dies ♪

♪ And that's when it all ♪
♪ Starts improving ♪

♪ - Bitsy. ♪
♪ - Go with it. ♪

♪ It's good once the groove ♪
♪ Starts its grooving ♪

♪ Yes, it is. ♪

♪ Upside-down circles ♪

♪ Are circles that circle ♪
♪ The surface surrounding the sky ♪

♪ It's getting nearer ♪
♪ The shapes are much clearer ♪

♪ So, step through the mirror and fly ♪

♪ - Shake it, Helen. ♪
♪ - Shake it, Helen ♪

♪ -Bitsy, I love you ♪
♪ -Helen, I love you ♪

♪ Mommy, I know that you tried ♪

♪ She tried ♪

♪ Bitsy's last will and testament ♪
♪ I'll make a guesstimate ♪

♪ Helen's the name that's inside ♪

♪ My life is complete ♪
♪ These pills are so greet ♪

Wait. "Greet"? Isn't the word "great"?

Who are you? The word police?

♪ The highest suite in the hotel ♪

All right, Cole. Today's the day.

You ready for the big test?

I spent the whole night trying to learn
geometry, and I still don't get it.

When am I even
gonna need this in real life?

When am I gonna be in
a situation where it's like,

"Quick, what is the perimeter
of this hexagon, or we're all gonna die?"

Yeah, that would be a weird situation.

- I need your help.
- Studying for the test?

It's a little last minute, but sure.

No. I need your help
skipping out of school.

I'm missing the test
so I can race model sailboats in the park.

And someday,
when I'm a famous model boat sailor

and commodore of
the model boat navy of America,

I'll say that you helped me get there.

I think I have an idea.
Let me run with it.

- What's the idea?
- I'm gonna run with it.

Okay. I love it. You distract
the security guard while I sneak out.

I've never been so terrified
and yet so thrilled.

Hey!
Well, let's see if my body can do this.

Run like the wind, Enrique.

I'm surprised you were
able to make it, Cole.

But I'm glad you're here because I need
that trophy and my cousin's approval.

I'm glad too and lucky school is closed.

And now I'm going to guide our little
red-striped wonder to victory.

I call him that
because he has a red stripe on his sail.

- I get it.
- Thank you all for coming

to the Central Park Model Sailboat Club's
Upper East Side Invitational.

This is the big leagues, people.

All right, sailors. Ready your boats.

- Okay, so it's a little gusty.
- You can do it, Cole.

Just need to steer it a little bit.

You're cranking it too hard!

The wind is gonna rip her sail right off.

Maybe. Or maybe it's just what we need
to win a medal. No crank, no rank.

Damn, this boy's good.

Come on. I just gotta
cut this last corner perfectly.

I can't believe it, he's gonna do it.

- I did it.
- You sure did, Captain. You earned this.

Hey, we all contributed.

Glorious Gary. In Big Trouble Cole.

Dad! What brings you here to Central Park?

What time is it?

Why do you look like that?

- What day is it?
- Why is this my wallpaper?

Oh, boy.

I think we might've
given each other makeovers?

Now it looks like
we're in some kind of blanket fort.

Delete those photos
and toss your phone in the river.

Wait a minute. My foot. It doesn't hurt.

- Mine doesn't either.
- There you go, copying me again.

I guess things are back to normal.

Helen, why is there hair
all over the floor? Helen? Helen!

All right. Thank you, Mrs. Lynch.

He's so excited to
take the makeup test tomorrow.

He's also excited to do all the dishes
and laundry for the rest of the week.

- I am?
- You are. Okay. Bye.

Look, I'm really sorry, okay?

Truth is, I don't know how to deal with
the fact that I stink at geometry.

No matter how hard I try,
I just don't get it.

Cole, you can't just run away from things.
Even the things you stink at.

Wait. What if you don't stink at it?

No, trust me. I'm a big, stinky math fart.

What if sailing and geometry
were secretly the same thing

and you were geometry-ing all along?

- I would never.
- Interesting.

Question: When you were
skipping school and racing,

did you make your little sailboat
just go in a straight line the whole time?

Mother. No.

I was dazzling. I zigged. I zagged.

I turned at angles
no model sailboat has ever turned before.

What's that? What did you just say?

Angles. I used angles!

♪ - Was it tough? ♪
♪ - Not really. ♪

♪ -Subconsciously you knew enough ♪
♪ -I did? ♪

♪ -And sure it was a different path ♪
♪ -I guess. ♪

♪ But, Cole, turns out that you did math ♪

♪ You turned that boat around ♪
♪ And won the sailing race ♪

♪ Geometry got me first place ♪

♪ From a new angle, I knew it ♪

♪ 'Cause I was able to do it ♪

♪ Take that, geometry ♪

♪ Who's the captain now? ♪

♪ Name this shape ♪

♪ Isosceles ♪

♪ Now turn the boat… ♪

♪ Ninety degrees ♪

♪ We're crossing the… ♪

♪ Diameter ♪

♪ Sail around… ♪

♪ The perimeter ♪

♪ No excuse to be obtuse ♪

♪ I'm great like a hypotenuse ♪

♪ From a new angle I'm free and ♪
♪ My theorem is Pythagorean ♪

♪ From a new angle ♪
♪ You'll find a better way ♪

♪ From a new angle, I see now ♪

♪ Time to be done with the bean now ♪

♪ It isn't me ♪
♪ Who's the bean girl now? ♪

♪ Look, I see a whole new world ♪
♪ It's all around ♪

♪ Sometimes we need to ♪
♪ Find a different angle ♪

♪ I can reach for things ♪
♪ Like ten feet off the ground ♪

♪ How long has this potato soup ♪
♪ Been up there? ♪

♪ I took a different angle ♪
♪ But I think you'll like the shift ♪

♪ Meet Stewart. ♪
♪ He's a sewer-dwelling wrongdoer. ♪

♪ Complex and yet accessible ♪
♪ He has a certain gift ♪

♪ See? Burping is his w*apon. ♪

♪ Guess who's gonna be published ♪
♪ In next week's issue ♪

♪ -From a new angle ♪
♪ -Lookee, I got a B ♪

♪ A setback ♪
♪ Gives you a purpose to get back ♪

♪ My angle is I must stop ♪

♪ Letting squirrels nibble ♪
♪ At my nut sock ♪

♪ From a new angle ♪

♪ Connected by our new view ♪
♪ And perspective ♪

♪ From a new angle ♪
♪ Take a look around ♪

♪ Life is looking great from a new angle ♪

All right, Cole. You should probably
get started on that laundry.

Got three loads.
Try not to shrink your Dad's shorts.

- Or do. Either way, it's fine.
- Fine.

Molly, I'm gonna miss
that farty little bean, but this is good.

Thanks.
Someday I'll show everybody Fista Puffs.

But for now, it's just for me. Baby steps.

Speaking of baby steps,

I found a great stepladder
on this Japanese website

in case we want a backup...

- No.
- Stop shopping for stepladders.

♪ He has no joints ♪

♪ And that don't feel good to me ♪

♪ He has no joints ♪

♪ Never lost a thumb w*r ♪
♪ That's a fact ♪

♪ He has no joints ♪

♪ I can climb that tree ♪
♪ In just ten seconds flat ♪

♪ He has no joints ♪

♪ I can do six somersaults in a row. ♪
♪ No hands. ♪

♪ -He has no joints ♪
♪ -Come on, people, you're k*lling me ♪

♪ You know my Simon Says game ♪
♪ Is on point ♪

♪ When he hula-hoops ♪
♪ He has no joints ♪

♪ Wake up, Cole. ♪