04x04 - Light Skinned-ed

[bunniefuu]

[DOG BARKING]

- Hi, baby.
- Hey.

- Oh, your hair looks nice.
- Oh, thank you.

Much better than the last time I saw it.

It was all ratty.

Made me want to stick a match to it.

Uh-huh. You ready to
go? Y-You got everything?

Just let me find my...

Oh, no. I'll drive. That's...

- Uh-uh.
- You sure?

- Morning, y'all.
- Hey. Good morning, Dad.

- How's retirement treating you?
- Good.

- [KEYS JINGLE]
- See y'all later.

- [CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
- He's not coming with us?

Uh-uh. He's busy.

Your car is too little.

Let's take mine.

[GATE CLOSES]

♪ Somebody prayed for me ♪

♪ Had me on their mind ♪

♪ They took that time
and prayed for me ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they did... ♪

Can we stop somewhere
and get something to eat?

No time. Got to pick
up Grandpa and Jeanie.

I thought you weren't talking
to Aunt Jeanie anymore.

We started again.

That's good.

She's been keeping Dad.

Grandpa?

Yeah. I don't like it.

Why not?

She's a mess.

She's a hoarder. Old nasty house.

She just wants Dad living with her

so she can collect his pension.

She's lost her mind.

♪ Hallelujah... ♪

I'm gonna steal him from her.

What? You're gonna steal him from her?

Mm-hmm. Any time I try to see
him or say hi, she won't let me

unless she's there to
supervise. She has lost her mind.

- Lost her damn mind.
- [CHUCKLES]

[BIRDS SINGING]

Right. That's what I told him.

Mm-hmm. If you want them to
adjust your vacation days,

you got to talk to Nancy in HR.

- That's the way I used to do it.
- [EASY LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah.

WOMAN: Morning.

[CHUCKLES] No, man.

I'm trying to get like you. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, look, I'm-a have to let you go.

Yeah, I'm here to get that new phone.

You know the one with the night vision?

Yeah.

All right. Take it light.

I'll catch up with you later.

- ♪ God is ♪
- ♪ God is ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ My everything... ♪

Can we, um, stop to
get some food real fast?

We'll be late.

Dig in my purse and get you some
cough drops if you're hungry.

I'm okay, thank you.

Thank you, Auntie.

How's your baby, Earn?

Oh, she's good. She's good.

She's, um... she's not
really a baby anymore.

- That's the thing...
- You didn't want to bring her to church?

She's, uh... she's with her mom today.

Mm. Hey.

Y'all still ain't married, huh?

You know they not married, Jeanie.

Hmm.

Well, it's a good thing you
coming to church then, Earn.

You can ask for forgiveness.

Mm-hmm.

For laying with that beautiful girl

and leaving her in sin.

- [TIRES SCREECH, HORN HONKS]
- Aah!

MAN: Get the f*ck off the road!

JEANIE: Jesus.

♪ Yes, sir, yes, sir,
come on, God is... ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

JEANIE: Let me get Daddy over here.

Ooh. You help me, Earn?

[ENGINE REVVING, TIRES SQUEALING]

- ♪ No matter what ♪
- ♪ No matter what ♪

♪ You happen to go
through right now ♪

♪ Remember that in the midst of it ♪

♪ God only wants to use you ♪

- ♪ No matter what it is ♪
- ♪ No matter what ♪

♪ That you're going through ♪

♪ Hold your head up... ♪

You know, it's packed in here.

She probably had to
go to the overflow lot.

Why would she need to
go to the overflow lot?

She has Daddy's handicap pass.

She should be parked by now.

Yeah... um...

You check your phone? She call you back?

No.

- It's your mama.
- [SCOFFS]

- It's your mama.
- Yeah.

Yes, it is.

- Yeah, she's a trip. [CHUCKLES]
- Mm-hmm.

She's a real trip. Um...

I got to use the bathroom.

Yeah. This don't make no sense.

Yeah.

Don't make no kind of sense.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

EARN: Hey, Dad.

Hey, what's going on, son?

Yeah, um, I'm with Mom, and, um,

I think she kind of took Granda

and left me holding the
bag with Aunt Jeanie.

Mm-hmm.

I'm trying to know how
you would handle this.

Really can't answer that.

Taking my day.

I get three hours every Sunday

before the kids show up at
the mall. This is my time.

- It's like that?
- It's like that.

I've been dealing with this family

for years. You'll
be okay for one day.

I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

Love you.

- [DISCONNECT TONE]
- Yeah.

[SIGHS]

PREACHER: John chapter
ten, verse ten says,

"The thief does not come except to steal

and to k*ll and to destroy."

[CONGREGANTS ASSENTING]

[PREACHER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

JEANIE: I guess you
and your mama must think

I'm stupid, Earn.

What?

I wasn't born yesterday, now.

I watch Criminal Minds, and I know

when someone's up to something twisted.

[CHUCKLES] What-what
are you talking about?

Your mama stole Daddy,
and you helped her do it.

- No.
- Where did she take him?

- I don't know.
- Earnest.

I don't know, Aunt Jeanie. I don't know.

What you sneaking out
of church for, then? Hmm?

Where you going?

I'm going to the studio.

I'm supposed to meet
Alfred there. I'm late.

You know, so...

So?

- So?
- So...

So?

So I guess I'm going to the studio, too.

You're not leaving my sight.

Come on here now.

[SOFT ROCK PLAYING FAINTLY]

Sorry, I'm on a schedule.

- Excuse me, sir...
- No. Sorry.

- Not interested.
- Has anyone told you,

you would look really great in a hat?

Uh... no. [CHUCKLES]

I'm serious.

Not everyone can pull
off a hat, you know,

but you have a very nice-shaped head.

Well... [CHUCKLES]

I...

- Thank you for that.
- Hey,

I am not going to make you buy
anything, unless you want to.

You seem too strong-willed
for that kind of thing, anyway.

[LAUGHS]

- Brah!
- Yellow.

[SCOFFS] Again?

- Man, the color yellow, man.
- You cheating.

n*gga, how you cheat at
Uno, man? Hey, y'all...

Y'all ever cheat at Uno?
Anybody know? How you cheat?

You know I don't got
no more yellow cards.

Duh, n*gga! That's
the point of the game!

That's how the game is played,
man. That's how you play that.

So, see, I was trying to be polite,

but now I want you to
draw four. f*ck that.

Eight, n*gga, 'cause
you out here whining.

I ain't playing with you no more.

Oh, come on, man, you
know I... [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

- Hey, y'all hear that sh*t?
- ♪ Now they call me Mr. Ruffle ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm all about my chips... ♪

All day until you tell me
where my daddy is, okay?

You think it's gonna be
fun time in the studio?

I don't think so.

Aunt Jeanie?

Out.

Everybody out.

This is a family emergency.

Yeah, come on...

- Let's go, let's go...
- Go on, now, get on!

I'm-a call you, bro. I'm sorry, man.

Go!

[SIGHS]

Thank you.

I like your earrings, baby.

Thank you, ma'am.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, look, now, this ain't
got nothing to do with me.

All right? So I don't know
nothing about Aunt Gloria

taking Grandpa, stashing
him. I don't know that.

So you in on this, too, huh?

- She ain't know that?
- EARN: No.

Ain't that a "B"?

This whole family is against me.

- Yeah.
- I'll be...

Where'd she take him?

- Why don't you call her? Damn.
- I don't know.

Okay. I-I know what I'm-a
do. I know what I'm-a do.

I'm-a fix y'all. Y'all watch.

[LINE RINGS]

- WILLY: Hello.
- Willy.

Willy, it's Jean.

I need you to add Pearl.

All right.

PEARL: Hello.

Pearl.

It's Jeanie.

I need you to add Gloria.

[ALFRED GROANS]

GLORIA: What?

Y'all, y'all.

Gloria kidnapped Dad.

WILLY: Oh, my goodness.

[LAUGHS] Girl, have you lost your mind?

WILLY: Look,

you can't kidnap your own dad.

I don't have time to
explain it to you right now,

but the word "kid" is in it.

So, mathematically, it's impossible.

What? No, she took him!

She sped off with him.

He is confused, and he needs me.

Y'all know he has dementia.

And I'm the only one who knows
how to give him his medicine.

WILLY: Jeanie,

that man ain't got dementia.

He's just old, just old.

He forgot something one or two times.

Why don't you just tell her
how to give him his medicine?

I mean, really, how
complicated could it be?

[SCOFFS] I knew I
couldn't count on y'all.

I knew it. I mean, this one thing.

And y'all didn't help me
pay for Keisha's college.

- We did, too, help. All of us did.
- And you didn't help me

sue that crooked mailman,
and you ain't helping me now.

Y'all are bitter towards me.

And don't think I don't know why.

PEARL AND WILLY: Why?

Y'all have always hated me.

Ever since we were kids. Because...

[SOBBING]

Y'all hate me because
I'm light-skinned.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

WILLY: Girl, if you don't get the
hell out of here with all that mess.

Nobody hates you 'cause you're
light-skinned, Your Majesty.

PEARL: Girl, I hate
you because you're evil.

I bet you won't be complaining

about being light-skinned-ed
if the cops came down there.

What? Oh, I should call the cops?

- PEARL: I wish you would.
- WILLY: Please do.

Uh, do not call the cops, please.

Y'all...

I know exactly what
this is really about.

[SIGHS]

WILLY [SIGHS]: What? What is it about?

JEANIE: It's about Daddy
never remembering Gloria.

I mean, Daddy got kids all over Georgia,

and he can remember most of them,

but never little Gloria.

I mean, he didn't remember
her birthday, Christmas,

didn't come to graduation.

And now that he's dying,
you can't even talk to him

because he don't know who you are.

I bet you haven't even
asked him, have you, Gloria?

[LINE CLICKS, BEEPS]

PEARL: That was evil.

You evil.

[LINE CLICKS, BEEPS]

WILLY: While I still
got you on the phone,

you do remember that you owe me $

for student...

- Yeah.
- I think it definitely might be

my favorite one that you tried so far.

- You think?
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, it does look
like something I could

wear to play cards with the guys.

Right, right, right.

Do you want to try on
the number three again?

Yeah.

["I'LL TRY" BY THE
EBONYS PLAYING FAINTLY]

[GASPS] Does anything
even look bad on you?

[CHUCKLES]

You know...

[SIGHS] Never mind.

What?

No, you know...

No, come on, tell me.

I have this one hat.

It's not on display,

because it's technically,
it's not for sale yet.

But you are so handsome and nice,

I think I want to show it to you.

Okay. Uh, but I don't want to
get you in trouble or anything.

Ah! Trouble.

♪ Love... ♪

A special person deserves

a special hat.

Wow.

- ♪ Love. ♪
- [CHUCKLES] Hmm.

Does your sister have any
history with weapons or dr*gs?

She might.

She don't. She don't.

[INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION]

Officer... my father

is scared and alone, and he is confused.

I guarantee you he doesn't even

recognize Gloria.

That's how sick he is.

Okay, hold on.

Can we get your mom on the phone?

Yeah. Yeah.

[LINE RINGING]

GLORIA: Hello.

Hi, Mom. It's Earn.

Um, the cops are here with Aunt Jeanie.

They need to check on Grandpa.

Hey, can you put your father on, please?

Hello.

OFFICER: Hello, sir. We're
doing a wellness check.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Do you know where you are, sir?

Of course I do.

Are you in any danger?

No.

Ain't no danger here.

Ask him do he know who he's with.

And do you know who you're with, sir?

He won't know.

I'm with my daughter.

Gloria.

OFFICER: So, you're not in any danger.

You know where you are
and who you're with, sir?

Yeah.

We're in Egypt.

Been here...

two weeks.

GLORIA: Okay.

- Thank you, Officer...
- [DISCONNECT TONE]

You see that?

Did-did-did you see
that? [LAUGHS] I told you.

They in Egypt.

["I WANT TO PAY YOU BACK"
BY THE CHI-LITES PLAYING]

♪ There's something that
I want to give you... ♪

- Hey!
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]

♪ A five-pound box of love ♪

♪ With a million-dollar
bill on top ♪

♪ Million-dollar bill on top ♪

♪ Diamonds on every corner... ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, CLAMORING]

Oh, my God.

Church is out.

- [MUSIC PLAYING]
- [OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS]

[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]

Yo, Pops. Yo, Pops.

Hold on, man, let me ask you a question.

What's on your head, Pops?

It's my hat.

And what's wrong with
your hat? [CHUCKLES]

Y'all know what this n*gga remind me of?

You look like... What's
that n*gga name, Prince?

This n*gga look like Prince.

If Prince never d*ed and
became some old, fat n*gga.

[LAUGHTER]

Yo, I got to get a picture
of this stupid-ass hat.

I don't think so.

Hey, hey, come...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

come on, I'm just
playing with you, homie.

Got to get a picture for
the, you know, Gram, like...

Look, I'm late. I
ain't got time for this.

Whoa, come...

Late? What you mean, you late?

You ain't gonna take a
picture? So, I got to beg?

Pops? That's what you want?

I'll do it.

[SCOFFS]

I'm-a beg, Pops.

Begging now, Pops.

- [LAUGHTER]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

On my knees, Pops.

I'm on my knees.

It's what you wanted, ain't it?

Just get up.

As long as I get a picture, I'll
get up, that's all I'm saying.

I'm staying right here.
I'm-I'm cool right here.

Get up.

- I'll-I'll take the picture. Just get up.
- Please?

Oh, you'll take the picture? Oh, sh*t.

That's all you had to say, then,
Pops. That's all I wanted...

[MUTTERS]

[EXHALES] Man.

- [CAMERA CLICKS]
- [CHUCKLES]

sh*t about to go viral, Pop.

I like the hat, Pops.

[WHOOPS]

[OFFICER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- Excuse me?
- Do you know what...?

ALFRED: She is really not
gonna let us leave, is she?

You normally do wellness
checks over the phone?

[GROANS, MUTTERS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You could've took her
anywhere, Earn. Anywhere.

Yeah, and she would've
followed me there.

I was gonna come to
you eventually, relax.

[JEANIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Damn. [SCOFFS]

Man, I'm just giving
you a hard time, man.

I know. I just...

I just don't want to
end up like them. [SIGHS]

[SCOFFS] What you mean?

Arguing all the time.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey.

Hey, yo, uh, miss. Um...

Look, y'all got a... y'all
got another way out of here?

Like a secret way?

[JEANIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

There's another way out back.

Word?

We call it the Shmurda exit.

Bobby had it built when he
was recording here for a month.

He had the FBI and three
baby mamas after him.

Couldn't take any chances.

[SCOFFS] Didn't help him, though.

- Mm-mm.
- No.

But it might help you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[MOUTHS]

JEANIE: Yes, I would like
to report a kidnapping.

No, I know that the cops are here,

but they are not doing their job, okay?

Wait, nah, nah, th-this
ain't gonna work.

She's gonna see us.

EMPLOYEE: Don't worry,
she won't see you.

The only thing is, you can't
look back, not even a glance.

That's how this works.

JEANIE: Can you be here within the hour?

I also need you to arrest

my two nephews.

No, Officer Simone and-and French,

they're not doing their job.

No, sir. No, it's-it's a kidnapping.

No, I'm-I'm... I-I would like
to report a kidnapping, okay?

[DISTORTED]: My father has
been kidnapped by my sister.

[EXHALES]

[DOG BARKING]

JEANIE: I know he's not a kid.

Okay, you know, can I speak
to your manager, please?

[SIGHS]

[ALARM CHIRPS]

Mmm. That was good.

Good dinner.

That was not dinner.

Well, what was it, then?

I don't know.

But it's : p.m.

It's not dinner.

[ALFRED SIGHS]

Hey, Pops, you okay?

How was the mall? You get that phone?

[STAMMERS] I got it. It's-it's good.

GLORIA: I hope you
didn't get anything else.

- I didn't.
- Good.

'Cause our Mastercard
last month was too high.

More sweet tea for you, ma'am?

- Oh, I, um...
- No, just the bill.

Yeah, and I can get it.

No, no, I got it, I got it.

- GLORIA: Oh, sh**t!
- What?

We didn't get any bread.

Um, excuse me.

Mom, dinner's already over.

We-we don't need the bread.

I mean, we're paying
real money for the food

like everybody else.

We deserve to get bread

like everybody else.

And besides, your
grandfather loves that bread.

- Yes, ma'am?
- Oh, we didn't get any bread.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

Can you maybe bring us some?

Uh, sure. Do you want me
to hang on to the bill?

No, you can bring the bill

and just put the bread in a to-go box.

Um, let me go check real fast.

GLORIA: "Go check"?

WAITER: We don't
normally pack bread to go.

You never brought us any
bread in the first place,

so I don't see how
that could be a problem.

There's no problem. I
just got to go ask my boss.

Oh, honey, we could pack
that bread ourselves.

Yeah, but I just got to ask...

Just bring the g*dd*mn bread!

[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

[MAN COUGHS]

Bring us the bread.

Right. Okay.

Right away, sir. Sorry.

Kids.

Just don't have any respect.

No respect at all.

["SAVE THE CHILDREN" BY
GIL SCOTT-HERON PLAYING]

Y'all want to watch a Redbox tonight?

Yeah.

♪ We've got to do something, yeah ♪

♪ To save the children ♪

♪ Soon it will be their turns ♪

♪ To try and save the world ♪

♪ Right now they seem to play ♪

♪ Such a small part of ♪

♪ The things that they'll soon ♪

♪ Be right at the heart of ♪

♪ My little Tommy ♪

♪ He said he wants
to be a fireman. ♪