01x08 - Ribbit and Rip it

[bunniefuu]

I'm not gonna be a superhero.

What else ya gonna do as a Hulk?

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(BURPS)

JENNIFER: Previously, on my show...

Remember my date with
the guy with the fetish?

Did you call me a specimen?

As a compliment.

I wanna see the supersuit
that Luke made you.

JENNIFER: Why? I won't wear it.

You didn't tell me you were nominated
for Female Lawyer of the Year.

Do we get to go to a gala?

My friend sent me a link to a video
post on that site, Intelligencia.

- JENNIFER: I met a guy.
- I'm Josh.

We went on a few dates,
it was going great.

And I haven't heard from him.

WRECKER: You were ghosted.

EMIL: Next time you think of Josh,

everyone we meet, no matter
how much they hurt you,

is a lesson learned.

ROBBER : Is this OLED or QLED?

My online research tells me

OLED is better for color
resolution and picture quality.

Funny enough, I actually
read the article... (GROANS)

LEAPFROG: The store might be
closed, but you forgot about

the Guard Frog.

(EXCLAIMS)

The hell is a Guard Frog?

ROBBER : I think it's his name.

My name is Leapfrog.

I'm just acting like I'm the Guard
Frog in this particular instance.

"The Guard Frog"?

Yeah, but my name is Leapfrog.

Yes, that has been noted
several times, Mr. Patilio.

- Cool.
- So, your defective suit...

LEAPFROG: Right. So, I was
surrounded by these huge guys.

- Twisting toe jam!
- (GROANS)

Although I was outnumbered, I
could tell they were afraid of me.

So, in order to
de-escalate the situation,

I shouted my signature catchphrase.

Time to ribbit and rip it!

(LEAPFROG SCREAMING)

And then next thing I know,

my inflammable suit with a
-degree threshold is on fire.

And, you guessed it, I have
third-degree burns all over my legs.

I mean, I deserve justice.

And compensation for all of
my pain, mental anguish and...

Stuff.

Well, this does seem to be a pretty
clear case of manufacturer's defect,

negligence, strict liability,
and breach of warranty.

- Yes?
- I do believe you

are owed compensatory damages.

Yeah! Whoo!

What is the name of the manufacturer?

Luke Jacobson. He
specializes in supersuits.

Oh, sh*t.

Jacobson is the only tailor I can
go to because of my unique physique.

Do you think maybe Pug
could take this one?

Mr. Patilio is one of
our biggest clients.

The guy dressed as a frog?

Mr. Patilio, Sr.

Look, it's very important that
we keep the Patilios happy.

Eugene is also very excited
to have a Hulk on the case.

And they're willing to
sign a conflict waiver

to have you, Ms. Walters.

But I believe I would
be ethically compromised

in representing a
client against Jacobson.

I like my nice clothes and
I don't wanna piss him off.

You've handled a client who had
to sign a conflict waiver before,

in a case one would argue is a
lot more personal than this one.

Yes, and I would love not
to be in that position again.

Also, he's making me
a dress for the gala.

Very well, Ms. Walters.

I suggest that you try to come
to an agreement with Mr. Jacobson

so then a filing would not
be necessary. Understood?

(PHONE RINGS)

- Ribbit and rip it.
- Yes, ribbit and rip it indeed.

Jennifer, do not rush me.

I told you your dress will
not be ready until Friday.

You wanna look good for
your lawyer award, right?

Uh, yes. Well, Luke,
I am here under some

unpleasant business.

I have been retained by a client
who suffered serious injuries

due to a dysfunctional
suit that you sold him.

Nothing has been filed. I think
we can come to some kind of...

Excuse me?

How dare you.

I have never made a
defective suit in all my life.

My work is impeccable.

Obviously, I know that
firsthand. And I...

Trust me, I'm not
happy to be doing this.

I'm not trusting you

after you just lumbered in
here and stabbed me in the back.

Well, there's no lawsuit yet.

And there won't be

if you just take some responsibility
for some of my client's injuries.

I do not make suits that malfunction.

My work speaks for itself.

Oh, excuse me. What did you say?

She wants to tell me something, hold on.

"She-Hulk will never get another
suit by Luke Jacobson ever again?"

- (GASPS)
- Oh!

Hey, I pre-paid for that!

Then you shouldn't have betrayed me.

You are blocked,
blacklisted and reported!

Now, I am gonna take you down.

Well, I hope it's not down to wherever

it is you get your ugly clothes from.

See you in court!

Can you...

LUKE: Goodbye, tragedy.

JUDGE PRICE: Mr. Jacobson, I see
you are presently without counsel.

Are you representing yourself?

(CHUCKLES) Representing himself?

Start planning how you're
gonna spend all your new money.

Mr. Jacobson?

Of course I'm not representing
myself, Your Honor. I'm not a fool.

JUDGE: Then where is your counsel?

I'm here.

Apologies for the tardiness, Your
Honor. I had trouble finding parking.

I'm just kidding. My driver got lost.

- (CHUCKLES)
- My name is Matthew Murdock.

I'll be representing Mr.
Jacobson in this case.

- Hey. Sorry I'm late.
- No problem.

As a first point of
order, I'd like to ask that

the motion to compel production of

the defendant's client list be rejected

as it's not relevant to the litigation.

Who's this assh*le?

Your Honor, I believe this
information to be incredibly relevant

given the nature of the complaint.

There could be multiple instances
of Mr. Jacobson's other clients

sustaining injuries
from faulty merchandise.

I believe Ms. Walters will
find that Mr. Jacobson's record

as it pertains to customer
satisfaction to be spotless.

If the defendant has nothing to hide,

then why not hear from his clients?

That's an invasion of privacy
based on a very shaky "what if."

This is a very common procedure
in product liability lawsuits.

It is material to the case whether

this type of malfunction
has affected other people.

There is no inherent right to privacy

when employing Mr.
Jacobson's tailoring services.

We're not just talking
about a product here.

The very nature of Mr.
Jacobson's line of work,

making suits exclusively for
superheroes, necessitates anonymity.

May I remind you that the Sokovia
Accords have been repealed.

Superheroes operate in the public eye.

As public figures, it is assumed that

there will be some loss of privacy.

We're not talking about celebrities,

but superheroes who have enemies
who will try to harm them,

and people close to them.

The ones who didn't ask
to be a part of this life.

Ms. Walters chose to have
her identity be public,

but she can't choose for everyone else.

This isn't about privacy
for privacy's sake.

If this information is not protected,

not only would it
ruin my client's career,

it could put a lot of
people in a lot of danger,

and all over one man's misuse of a suit.

JUDGE PRICE: I'm in
agreement with Mr. Murdock.

Motion to compel discovery is denied.

Wait. Does that mean
I don't get a new suit?

Sit down!

What, no... Look at this thing!

How am I supposed to wear this?

(SNIFFS)

Mr. Patilio, what kind of fuel
did you use in your boosters?

Jet fuel.

Wait a minute, you used
jet fuel in your boosters?

Because that's not what
my instructions said.

What?

Uh... (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

No, I didn't.

He's lying. Don't ask me
how I know, I just know.

Yes, we can all tell
he's lying, Mr. Murdock.

If the plaintiff ignored the
manufacturer's explicit instructions,

then the defendant is
absolved of all liability.

I'm dismissing this case.

Am I gonna go to jail?

No, but I would like you to.

- And Luke, Luke.
- Yes, clown?

I just wanted to apologize for...

For daring to question my craftsmanship?

Is there any way that we could
go back to you being my tailor?

Jennifer, Jenny, Jen.

No. Because I hate you now.

(SIGHS)

What's this?

It's from that guy over there.

An appletini? Cute.

Mind if I join you?

Sure.

Would you mind?

I wanted to extend a peace offering.

Ugh! I hate it when
people take the high road.

So, what's your story, Matt Murdock?

You're from New York

but you flew all the way out
here for a product liability case?

Luke Jacobson made a couple of new
suits for me, so I owed him one.

Doesn't really look like it.

(CHUCKLES) That's a low blow
insulting a blind man's clothes.

- (CHUCKLES)
- I'm wearing pants, right?

(JENNIFER LAUGHS)

You have your own practice, right?

Ms. Walters, have you
been checking up on me?

Yeah. Can you blame me?
You came out of nowhere

and you made my dumb client admit

to being even dumber than
I thought he was in court.

How did you know about the jet fuel?

A hunch.

What is his deal, by the way?

- Well, I'll give you one guess.
- Okay.

It rhymes with "rich parents."

- (CHUCKLES)
- Wait, I said it was rich parents.

His dad is a very important client,
so he is a very important client.

Well, you know the expression,
"One for them, one for us"?

Yeah.

Well, I run my practice
in Hell's Kitchen,

and we mostly do pro
bono work. The "us" part.

But I do on occasion take
a job with a bigger client

when the bills start
piling up. The "them" part.

Wow. Secret double lives of
Matt Murdock, how does he do it?

As someone who works
for "them" full-time,

I really don't have any gas
in the t*nk for anything else.

Yeah, you say that,

but I think you're in a unique
position to do some real good.

You see, the way I see it,

Jen Walters can use the law to
help people when society fails them.

And She-Hulk can help people
when the law fails them.

So, you can, if you choose...

Be the best of both worlds.

- Excuse me for a moment.
- Yeah.

We're all feeling this,
right, it's not just me?

- (PHONE CHIMES)
- (GROANS)

Ugh! You remember Todd, that gross
tech bro with the She-Hulk fetish?

Ugh!

Hey, do you wanna get another round?

Jen, I am so sorry, I have to go.

Something has just come up with work.

Oh, yeah. Totally. I got work, too.

- Yeah.
- Um...

Uh, yeah, it was really...

(CHUCKLES)

It was nice meeting you.

Yeah, you, too.

(PHONE CHIMES)

{an }Okay.

Mr. Phelps.

Mr... It's Todd.

(CHUCKLES POLITELY)

So, what is the urgent matter
that you wanted to discuss with me?

Oh, yeah... So, I was at an
auction recently buying art

and then, get this, they had
an authentic Wakandan w*r spear.

So, I, of course, win the
auction. A millie. (CHUCKLES)

It's (CLEARS THROAT) a million.

- Dollars.
- I got that.

Yeah. So... I mean,
you gotta see it, right?

(CHUCKLES) So, here
it is. Check this out.

Boom. How cool is that?

I mean, I own that now.

God, no one is collecting
African sh*t on my level.

I love it. I love Wakanda. You know,
I actually studied abroad there.

Really?

Wakanda Forever!

Ooh! I... That makes me uncomfortable.

So, is there a legal
issue with your purchase?

No, no. Well, okay, they want it back

because apparently it
was stolen by colonizers,

but whatever. I mean,
I got the receipts.

You know, listen, babe.

Let's just drop the whole coy thing

- 'cause I don't play games, okay?
- (CHUCKLES)

And I can feel it and I can
tell that we're both feeling it.

Ugh! No!

- Oh!
- (PATRONS GASPING)

Goodbye. Oh, and I'm billing
you for the whole hour.

What?

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Oh, God.

- Hello?
- Thank God! Ms. Walters, it's Leapfrog.

Listen, you gotta help me.
I think I'm being att*cked.

Legally or physically?

Definitely physically. But,
I mean, maybe legally, too.

Where are you?

I'm on my way to the Lily Pad.

Is that a place I'm supposed to know?

Yeah. It's my famous secret lair.

(GASPS) Yeah, I just
need to find my friends.

Okay, I'm gonna try to lose
him in this parking lot.

- I'm gonna lose ya.
- You're close.

I'm heading to you.
We'll meet in the middle.

Hurry!

Whoa!

My car!

You need to back off.

And waste this outfit?

Eugene, get out of here.

Dope supersuit!

You're making a mistake.

You made a mistake when
you messed with my client!

'Cause now I'm gonna whoop your ass.

(CHUCKLES AND GRUNTS)

Huh. My ass remains unwhooped.

Yeah? Let's fix that.

LEAPFROG: Ribbit and rip it! (LAUGHS)

Where are you going? We're not done.

You're very persistent, aren't you?

And you're very annoying.

(GRUNTS)

LEAPFROG: See you later!

(LAUGHS)

Come on!

(CAR ALARMS BLARING)

- (GROANS)
- Gotcha.

Whoa, whoa! Jen!

Matt?

Wait. Do you pretend to be blind, man?

'Cause that is really problematic.

No. No, no, I'm blind,
I'm blind. Relax. I...

I have a spatial method
that I use to see.

Oh, like echolocation?

Yeah, kind of. It's... Basically
I have really good hearing.

Or at least I did.

Wait, why were you attacking my client?

Leapfrog is the bad guy here.

He kidnapped Luke Jacobson.
He's holding him hostage.

Why didn't you tell me
that before we fought?

Why didn't you ask me before
trying to whoop my ass?

I'm sorry that I assumed the guy
dressed as the devil was the bad one.

Yeah, that's a fair point.

So, are you, like, a superhero?

Like the Gold Devil?

I'm Daredevil.

It is very daring to use ketchup
and mustard as your color scheme.

How 'bout I tell Luke?

No! No, please don't.

Okay. Well, if you're done making fun,

I need to save my
client from your client.

Okay, yeah, let's go.

You ever destroy a parking lot before?

JENNIFER: Crap. I'll go leave a note.

Hmm. Subtle.

For version two, we gotta go all out.

I'm talking bulletproof shields,

fancy AI with a British
voice that talks to you.

Oh, snap! And some of those
poison darts, like the tree frogs.

I don't know who told you that
you could pull off this color,

but you should go back
to them and sh**t them.

Look, I know you're just being
mean because I kidnapped you,

but words hurt, man.

Guys, what do we think
about the name "Leap Squad"?

You know, like, "Leap Squad!"

JENNIFER: I can't believe
this dodo has henchmen.

Actually, I can. I bet
these g*ons work for his dad.

Nah, see, that's where you're wrong.

g*ons and henchmen are two
completely different animals.

Henchmen believe in the cause, g*ons
are just there for the paycheck.

Henchmen, g*ons, whatever.

There are g*ons in the building.

Seven below us, eight in the
front, and in the hallway.

How do you know that?

I can hear their heartbeats.

You can hear their heartbeats? Come
on, that's a little far-fetched.

(HEART b*ating)

I can hear yours, too. Your
heart's b*ating pretty fast.

What?

What? No, it's not. I'm healthy.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

I'll sneak in and take
out the g*ons in the back.

It'll take me seconds for each one.

So, wait here until I've gotten all .

I'm not gonna sit here for half an hour

while you pick off g*ons one by one.

That's not how that math works out.

I'm a Hulk. How about
I just smash our way in?

They have weapons, Jennifer.

Yeah, good thing She-Hulk
is indestructible, Matthew.

Stealth's the way to go. I've
done this a million times.

Have you broken into a
warehouse full of g*ons?

Remind me again who has
the superpowers here?

I'm pointing at myself.

Oh, yeah, I know. I have
echolocation, remember?

Just let me do my thing.

Yeah, and I will do my thing.

(SCOFFS) You... You don't have
a thing. You don't ever do this.

Just follow my lead.

Okay, I guess that's pretty cool.

So, I said I respect that you
wanna dress up like a frog,

but that doesn't mean I'm
cool with being a baby frog.

Wait, I thought he wanted
to call us "Tadpoles."

Yeah, man.

- How do you not know what...
- (THUDS)

(GRUNTS)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GOON GROANS)

GOON ON WALKIE: Tadpole five, come in.

We need backup at the
rear entrance. We got...

Tadpole five, repeat.

Hang tight, backup's on the way.

(ALL YELLING)

(g*ons GROAN)

She-Hulk smash.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Ugh! More hench-g*ons?

How about we don't?

Whoa! Hey! That's vintage!

(g*ons CLAMORING)

LEAPFROG: Hey, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be helping me.

JENNIFER: I am helping you.

I'm stopping you from getting
into even more trouble.

Go call the police.

Don't you yell at me. I'm
already very stressed out.

JENNIFER: Eugene, let me
give you some legal advice.

Stop now, before you rack
up even more serious charges.

Legally speaking, we could say
this is an episode of mania...

Temporary insanity is murky,
but it's not a bad strategy.

I'd angle this more
as a form of traumatic

expression due to undiagnosed PTSD.

So, the devil ninja guy, he's a lawyer?

No. I'm just a big fan of legal dramas.

This guy's really kinda doing it for me.

(GOON YELLS)

It's sad that you
thought that would work.

(YELLS)

No shame in retreat.

Ribbit and rip it! Oh!

(LEAPFROG SCREAMS)

(LEAPFROG GROANING)

Well, well, well, I suppose
we're even now. You're forgiven.

So, you'll make my gala dress?

- Yes, of course. I'm not a monster.
- (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)

Try not to get too bloated
between now and then.

Great to be strained
professional acquaintances again.

LUKE: Uh-huh.

Are you gonna give a
statement to the cops?

I'm not really a stick around
and talk to the cops kinda guy.

- Oh, so brooding.
- (CHUCKLES)

More of a secret identity thing.

- You wouldn't understand.
- Mmm-hmm.

Thanks for your help with all of this.

Thanks for your help.

No. You're the one who helped me.

No. I was the lead superhero on this.

Uh, you were they guy who
wanted to spend half an hour

- picking off each goon, one by one.
- (CHUCKLES)

You were the woman who caused
excessive property damage.

And you still can't get that math right.

When do you head to New York?

- Tomorrow.
- Oh... Well...

Hey, maybe next time I'm in town,
I can take you out to dinner.

Yeah, or maybe we can skip
all of that and just...

(KISSING AND MOANING)

JENNIFER: That's all right. That's okay.

MATT: Wait, you have to...
All right, here you go.

Okay. Let's go.

(WHISTLING)

Good morning.

(HUMMING)

It's weird you guys are still here.

Doesn't it feel like this
episode should be over?

Hello! Uh...

Why didn't you answer my calls?
I thought that you were dead.

I had to break and enter. By the way,

there's some guy outside
dressed in a devil costume

and he's doing the walk
of shame 'cause he's...

Oh. You did... With the...

Yes.

Oh, all right. And we're happy?

- Oh, we're happy.
- Okay.

- All right. You're the devil.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Seriously, what is this scene?

This episode already came to a very
satisfying conclusion. Trust me.

Come on! We gotta go.
Tell me about it later.

We have to do your hair and your
makeup. Where is the gown from Luke?

Oh, for the gala?

Wait, we're doing the gala?
That doesn't feel right.

Is next episode the finale?

- Come on. Let's go.
- (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Just like a tacked-on set piece
near the end of the season.

This is the big twist, isn't
it? But the question is,

is it the kind of twist that's like,

"There's another Hulk,
but this one's red,"

or like, "I'm getting fridged?"

We gotta make you look amazing.

Whatever. I'm game.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Sweetheart. You didn't bring
a jacket? What if you get cold?

She can wear mine, Elaine.
We are so proud of you.

- Thank you, Dad.
- Your jacket won't fit her, Morris.

NIKKI: You can't cover up a Luke
Jacobson-Zuhair Murad collaboration.

- ELAINE: Nikki!
- MORRIS: That's certainly a mouthful.

(CHUCKLES) I'm a little nervous.

Okay. Let's find our table.

- Yeah. There he is. Hi!
- Let's go. Come on.

Come on.

Educated.

Accomplished.

Beautiful.

And doing everything regular
lawyers do, except backwards,

and in high heels. (CHUCKLES)

This year's Female Lawyer
of the Year award goes to...

Jennifer "She-Hulk" Walters!

- Let's go!
- (ALL APPLAUDING)

Kara Hunter.

Alice Chen.

Joanne Torres.

Barbara Wells.

Mallory Book.

Now tell us, what's it
like being a female lawyer?

So special and empowering. I love it.

Twice the work, half the recognition,

and you're constantly being asked
what it's like being a female lawyer.

- Yeah.
- (SNAPPING)

Yeah. I'd actually like to take
this time to thank my parents.

And my friends, and
my esteemed colleagues

without whom I wouldn't be here today.

DISTORTED VOICE: Do you want
to see who She-Hulk really is?

Uh, my identity is not a secret.

This is busted.

This is the truth
presented by Intelligencia.

She-Hulk does not
deserve your attention.

She does not deserve your praise.

She does not deserve the
power she stole from the Hulk.

What the hell this? Can
somebody cut this off?

Can we turn this off, please?

Okay, let's... Can we stop this?

- And she's a slut.
- Can you stop it?

JOSH: Yeah, maybe you should lie down.

Excuse me! Can you turn this off?

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

Don't do it, Jen.

Don't do it.

(SCREAMS)

(ALL GASPING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

- (SNARLS)
- Don't move!

Jen! No!

(GRUNTS)

(SNARLS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)