07x05 - Dances with Dogs

[bunniefuu]

FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION PEGGY: Hank! I found the coupons.

Oh they've expired.

Dang it.

Aw, heck, I'm really in the mood for some ice cream.

Let's just pay the full price.

Uh, you guys go on ahead without me.

I'm sticking to my New Year's resolution ice cream once a day.

Attaboy, Bobby.

Nothing tastes sweeter than self-discipline.

That's right go get your ice cream.

Work it on out Work it on out Ladybird? You know you're twistin', little girl Twistin', little girl You ready, girl? twist so fine Twist so fine Come on and twist a little closer, now Twist a little closer And let me know that you're mine Let me know you're mine Shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now Yeah, Ladybird! I'm sorry, Peggy.

It's just that kid he stuck his fingers in the ice cream and it ruined the mood.

baby And we turn.

Whoa! Bobby, what the hell are you doing with my dog? I it's, uh it's extreme training.

Looked like dancing to me.

It was dancing.

It's called "Musical Canine Freestyle.

" Liar.

No, no, no.

Look, it's a real thing.

They have contests, and everything.

It started up in Canada.

They're supposed to be our allies.

Dad, it's okay.

The routine we worked out is low-impact and Ladybird loves it.

She's 13 years old.

If I hadn't stopped you when I did you could have displaced her hip.

But we were training for a contest in McMaynerbury.

No.

No more dancing, or any other Canadian tricks.

She's got arthritis.

Who's got arthritis? Yes, you do.

Come on, girl, time for your nap.

I'll turn on the dryer to help you sleep.

(sighing) Just when I think the boy is acting normal I catch him dancing with Ladybird.

Ugh! And he had her wearing a bandanna.

Dog b' man best friend, man.

Talkin' 'bout no can't no dress 'em up like some of them dang ol' little lady's poodle, man.

Talkin' 'bout d-d-dang ol' dog, man.

No dignity, man.

No dignity.

Exactly, Boomhauer.

Pfff! Dancing with dogs ridiculous.

Next thing you know they'll have them smoking.

Hey, that's not a bad idea doggie cigarettes.

I thought of it first! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

What kind of dance were they doing, Hank? Uh, I don't know.

The Twist.

Why? Uh Bobby should be severely punished.

What was he thinking? It's a jackass sport.

(nervous chuckle): Excuse me.

I have to attend to a personal matter of pressing importance.

Bill's so busy these days.

(sighing) I'm going to miss dancing with that dog.

You know, I dance with the seniors down at the nursing home.

Maybe that would cheer you up.

It would be nice to have a boy there for a change.

Have you been listening? I want to dance with dogs, not old people.

Geez.

Hey.

MAN ON RADIO 1: When you see him in person he is really a monster.

MAN ON RADIO 2: Five feet if he's an inch.

This new planer really does the trick, huh, Ladybird? (changes to slow western swing music) Watch it, Ladybird.

Daddy's using the planer.

What is it, Ladybird? You like that music, huh, girl? Ladybird, you're a beautiful dancer.

I'm looking to adopt a dog that could be a good dancing partner.

One that can really cut a rug.

I was thinking maybe a longhair.

I like long hair.

That one there? Yeah, well, he looks like he's strong and he's certainly got a lot of energy.

Are they a good breed for dog dancing? Oh, yeah, they're, uh, bred for dancing.

Oh! I hope you like rock 'n roll! So, you want to dance with my dog.

But what's in it for the big dog me, Khan? Uh How about you pick up Doggie's poo from my yard? That way, child prodigy Connie get to study more poo-picking hillbilly get to dance with dog.

Universe in harmony.

He's a small dog.

How bad could it be? Yeah.

Deal.

You start now! Oh, geez! What are you feeding him?! Just going to, uh, get gas.

I go out walkin' after midnight Out in the moonlight, just like we used to do Hey, Peggy, you notice anything different about Ladybird? Is the left side of her face paralyzed? Nope.

She's lost two pounds.

Tapeworm! That was my second guess.

No.

Since I've been, uh, walking her more she's been getting in great shape.

Listen.

No creaking joints and I've stopped giving her heranti-inflammatory medication.

(barks) Even her bark sounds more youthful.

It's like she's a puppy again.

You know, I'm going to keep walking her.

I don't care what anybody thinks.

I love you, Peggy.

Hey, Ladybird remember when you won this ribbon for cutest puppy at the mall? Huh, do you? Labor Day? Remember that, huh, do you? Fall of '89 huh? Do you remember? (barks) Yeah, me, too.

Let's win you another ribbon, girl.

She's named after former First Lady Lady Bird Johnson.

So, there is no limitto the number of sequins an entrant can have on his costume? Can I get that in writing? Mr.

Hill, you forgot your pen.

Dad? What are you doing here? Okay, I know what this looks like and it is what it is.

You lied.

You made me think dog dancing was for weirdos.

Wait a minute, that's Khan's dog.

You're dancing with the neighbor's dog against me and Ladybird? Well, what was I supposed to do, not dance with a dog?! And anyway, you said Ladybird was too old to dance.

If you pumped her full of pain pills I'm make sure you're both disqualified.

Well, what do you care? Looks like you'll dance with any dog that will have you.

Oh, he's not just any dog.

This little fella may poo like a buffalo but he dances like Britney Spears.

Oh, yeah? Well, I think this pup's going to surprise you with a few moves of her own.

I believe it's up to the judges to decide who's got the moves and who doesn't.

I'll see you out on the dance floor.

Fwah! That's just a little taste.

Dad.

Ladybird.

BOBBY: Just let us in.

We'll go straight to my room.

We need to practice.

You're dancing with the neighbor's dog.

Go dance at the neighbor's.

Come on! Leave, or I'll call the pound.

You're scared, old man.

You're scared of my moves! That's crazy.

Peggy? Hank, this is all very simple.

You both want to dance with dogs.

Right.

You each have a dog you can dance with.

You take your dog to the garage.

You dance with her there.

Bobby gets to dance with his dog in his bedroom.

Everybody gets to dance with a dog.

Everybody wins.

(country line dance- style music playing) You ready to dance, Rex? Of course you are.

It's in your blood.

You never was my girl Okay.

when I'm gone Oh, you can tell your friends (screaming) And laugh and joke about me on the phone You want to lead? Is that it, boy? Go back into the barn You can tell my feet to hit the floor Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips (heavy sigh) (screech) (screaming) A costume.

BILL: Rex, j-just, just move your paw.

That's (screaming) Now, I know this isn't our style but you got to do what you got to do.

Wow.

Ladybird, I really think we're going to win this thing.

Oh, Bill? Hank, I know you don't like dog dancing but I need your advice.

I bought a dog to dance with.

It won't dance with me! It's all my fault.

I'm doing something to push it away just like I pushed away Lenore.

(groaning): Bill, this isn't a good time.

L-I'm kind of in the middle of something.

(chuckling): Aw! Doesn't Ladybird look cute in that hat? (gasping) Hank.

You're dog dancing! Look, you cannot tell Dale or Boomhauer about this, okay? They wouldn't understand.

No, of course they wouldn't; they're idiots.

Oh, isn't dog dancing wonderful, Hank? Yes.

What am I doing to make the dog hate me, Hank? Why? Why am I so repulsive? You're not repulsive, Bill.

Maybe Yes? Maybe it's the song you picked out.

The song, yes, the song! What about the song? Let your dog help choose the song.

Just don't let him pick something like "Doggie in the Window" or"Hound Dog.

" It's too obvious.

Wait, why am I telling you this? You're not entering the competition, are you? Well, yeah, I thought Get out.

Mm-mm.

This is good.

Nice and salty.

I said the funniest thing today.

Well, I almost did Are you going to finish that gristle? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

But you never eat your gristle.

You always give it to Ladybird.

(gobbling) Spit it out.

You don't even like gristle.

But I do like the taste of you not getting it.

Hank, Bobby, stop it.

No ribbon is more important than your family.

For God's sake, you are fighting over fat.

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

Uh, let me make it up to both of you.

Peggy, let's go out dancing like we usually do and let Bobby and Doggie have the house to practice.

Alone.

But you have to lock Ladybird in the garage.

Of course.

Oh, it is certainly nice to get out of the house.

It's been so tense with all the arguing and barking.

I'm glad you're having fun, 'cause you deserve it.

Oh! Hank You are dip-crazy tonight.

Yup, yup.

So, uh, since you brought it up do you know if Bobby does any dips in his routine? Or any other moves you've noticed.

Are you pumping me for information? How much backwards walking are they doing? A little, average or a lot? Hank, I am trying really hard to remain neutral here.

I thought you wanted to dance with me.

I do, I do, you're right.

It's just you and me, Ladybird.

What?! You just blew it, mister.

Fine.

You know what? I hope Bobby wins.

What? Oh, sure, go home to Bobby and the neighbor's dog.

While you're at it why don't you just move in with Kahn and Mihn? You can eat rice all day and never celebrate Christmas.

Good luck, Hank.

It's got nothing to do with luck, Peggy.

We're going to win this thing.

You're making a big mistake.

Ladybird hates you.

What do they see in that yappy little rat? We can win this thing without them.

Right, Ladybird? You look great in that outfit, by the way.

On the count of three, everyone say "bones.

" One, two Don't, don't move, it's just the red eye.

Bones.

Wow, these dogs are dressed to the nines.

It's like they're going to dance at the White House.

Don't worry, Ladybird, we're going to win this thing.

Remember, it's not just about pageantry it's about a man and his dog dancing together.

That's what the people came to see and that's what we're going to give them.

It's our Tr*mp card.

That's what we've got over all these nut jobs, right, girl? (whimpering) Come on, Rex.

Settle down.

We're going to be late for the competition.

(barking) (frightened yelping) (sniffing) (barking) (humming) (muffled bark) Oh, he's dreaming.

ANNOUNCER: Let's have another big round of applause for Pam Taylor and her Irish setter, Sparkles.

Sparkles? More like Fizzles.

Still leaving the dance area.

I'm Dud Jeperson along with Sketch Randall and we're just so gosh darn happy to be here.

And they're off the dance floor.

Next up is Hank Hill and his purebred bloodhound, Ladybird.

Are you ready to see more dancing? (polite clapping) Okay, pup, this is it.

Uh, I just wanted to, uh, apologize for what Ladybird and I are about to do.

Win.

(Patsy Cline's "Walking After Midnight"plays) I go out walking After midnight Out in the moonlight Well hello to you, too, Hank Hill.

SKETCH: And what poise and mobility from that bloodhound.

The feet, the hand the tail, all moving as one unit.

No wonder this proud bitch was named after our former First Lady.

(yawning) (chuckling) Bill Dauterive and Rex, you're on deck.

And uh, oh, no muzzles.

Yeah, but I No muzzles.

Those are the rules.

Okay.

somewhere a walkin' After midnight Searching for me.

Way to go, girl.

It's not too late for you and Doggie to turn tail.

(chuckling) Take some notes, because this is how people are going to be dog dancing from now on.

Next up, Bobby Hill and his mixed terrier, Doggie.

(Techtronic's "Move This" plays) Yo, come on, move this Shake that body Shake that body Shake that body Shake that body We are witnessing a dream.

I hope I never wake up and this dance lasts forever.

A boy, a dog, a dance.

many different flavors And the spice is strong Get into the hot stuff, let me pour a little song DUD: Are they even touching the floor? Amazing.

You've got to move this Boy, the alley's dead today.

Baby let me show you how to do this You've got to move this You're doing fine Pump it, pump it, pump, pump it up Nothing can make this one stop You've got to move this DUD: I don't even know how to describe that move.

SKETCH: I wish everyone who denies the pure athleticism of dog dancing could see what I'm seeing right now.

(applauding) It's okay, Ladybird.

All flash, no substance.

And the third prize for Beginners Off-Leash Musical Freestyle goes to Rhonda Clark and her Border Collie, Rusty.

Second prize goes to Bobby Hill and his neighbor's dog, Doggie.

Oh! And first prize goes to This is it, girl.

Helen Bradley and her toy poodle, Buddy.

Well, we did our best, girl.

It's a young dog's sport.

Come on, let's go home.

Time for your nap.

You want to watch me paint, girl? It's semi-gloss.

(radio plays "Walking After Midnight") No, Ladybird, that's not for us.

Oh, how can I say no to that face? Maybe he's cryin' for me And as the skies turn gloomy Care to cut in, son? There's someone else I owe this dance to.

as lonesome as I can be Ma'am.

Now, where were we? after midnight Out in the starlight at WGBH access.

Wgbh.

Org SKETCH: Just move your paw.