01x14 - Grandma Ruffman's Recipe for Success

[bunniefuu]

[ slurping]

Apple peach cobbler
with brown sugar crumble.

That is tasty!

Oh, hi, I'm Ruff Ruffman.

Say, do you hear
the Henry Hotline ringing?

Neither do I.

The boss is on vacation
all week,

so I'm just
lounging around, reading...

Grandma Ruffman's
family recipes.

Ah, Grandma, how I miss you.

If you miss me so much, Ruffy,

how come you never
pick up the phone?

[ gasps]
Grandma!

So listen, Ruffy,

seeing you
with my cookbook

gave me an idea.

I didn't even know
you watched my show.

What do you think?

Well, I wish the host

were a little funnier.

But, Grandma, I'm the host.

I'll make some calls.

See if a real comedian

can't give you some tips.

So here is myidea.

Use those contestants
of yours to cook up

some of Grandma's
favorites.

But...

I want to move
, copies

of the book
by Christmas.

But Grandma!

Chop-chop.
And comb that fur!

Could it hurt you to go

to the groomers
every now and then?

I can't believe it.

I miss Henry already.

And I have some redecorating
ideas for your studio.

Some nice curtains
and some fancy glass bowls.

Are you writing
this down, Bubby?

RUFF:
♪ Life was missing
its mystique ♪

♪ My squeaky toys
had lost their squeak. ♪

And then, out of the blue,
I saw the phone and bam!

My destiny was calling me.

[instrumental jazz playing]

♪ Pitched my vision for a show

♪ They loved it,
thought I was a pro ♪

♪ They got my contract
back to find ♪

♪ To their alarm,
a dog had signed ♪

♪ FETCH!♪Oh, I like that name.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

♪ I didn't wait to renovate

♪ Found six contestants,
all were great ♪

♪ And now I'm on
the road to fame ♪

♪ I've got a game show
and its name is... ♪

♪ FETCH!♪

It's very catchy.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

It rolls off the tongue.

Wait, stop.♪ With Ruff Ruffman.♪

Somebody want to tell me
why we got cats singing?

Funding for Fetch with Ruff
Ruffman has been provided by

The National Science Foundation

where discovers begin

Dedicated to strengthening
America's future

through education.

ANNOUNCER: And here come
the contestants now.

He loves that
shepherd's pie-- Khalil!

He knows he shouldn't,

but he bites his nails!

Noah!

She speaks fluent
gibberish-- Taylor.

He can do a backflip-- Brian.

The person she respects most
is her grandmother-- Anna.

They're a pickled flower
bud of a shrub.

They're called capers and
they're happily eaten by Julia!

Let's get an update
on the scores.

And we have
mixed things up here.

Taylor is still
in sixth place with points.

Julia holding onto
the five spot with .

But Brian has slipped
to fourth place with .

Noah is now in third with .

Khalil has lost
his hold on first.

He has points.

And Anna has broken
the thousand-point barrier

back in first,
with , points.

Hello, and welcome to FETCH!,

the new reality game show

where the contestants cook a
delicious meal for the host!

Hooray, what a great show!

Wait. Hello.

I don't get
an introduction?

Nothing? Hello?

Ruff, who's that?

RUFF:
Oh, everybody,
this is my grandmother,

uh, who's on the Web cam today.

Hi, Grandma Ruffman.Oh, man.

Hello, dears.

Oh, the six of you
look absolutely lovely.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, too.

Thank you so much.

All right, can we
move on now, Grandma?

I got a show to run here.

Do what you have to do.

All right,
it's time for the challenge.

Let's go.

Our challenge today--
make Grandma happy.

You'll be making
a two-course meal

based on recipes
from my Grandma's cookbook.

I bought a brand-new
minifridge just to hold

all the ingredients--

eggs, cream, fish and...
[ sniffing] ooh, ooh.

Do you smell that?
Oh, that does not smell good.

It doesn't smell good.

Oh, great!

I forgot to plug it in.

KIDS:
Eww.

And I spent the show's
budget on the food!

Okay, okay,
don't worry, Grandma.

Don't worry,
don't worry.

Uh, Brian, Noah, Taylor!

I'm sending you off
to get more groceries.

All right, now,
you'll find Grandma's cookbook

and everything that didn't
spoil in the picnic hamper.

Go fetch.

All right, guys.

GRANDMA:
Bye, dears!

Good luck.

All right. Now, then--
challenge number two.

Grandma, what
are you doing?

What do you mean,
what am I doing?

I arranged
for another challenge.

RUFF:
You what?!

I called an old
family friend, a funny one.

It'll be good for the show.

Khalil, honey?Oh.

Be a dear and go home-- you'll
find out more once you're there.

Now go and do the fetch!

All right.

Go fetch?

Right, that's yes, fetch.

All right, thanks.Grandma, that's what I say!

See you guys.

Have fun.
Thanks!

Now, as determined by the
FETCH , uh, and my grandma,

Julia and Anna have stayed
behind in the studio this week.

But they'll be eligible
to win points

during the Half-Time Quiz Show.

And we willwin points.

And worry not, the has
incorporated a change in plans.

You have the FETCH!
Fairness Guarantee.

All the contestants
will have competed

for the same number of points

by the time the grand prize
is awarded.

Oh, that's wonderful.

And what is
the grand prize, dear?

Uh...

Oh, come on, dear,
you can tell Grandma.

Oh, no, don't get into that.

I'll tell you as soon as I...

As soon as I
come up with a prize.

I don't...

Okay! Moving on, yes.

Now, for the four kids
out on the challenges,

up to points are at stake
in the Triumph Tally!

So let's catch up
with Brian, Taylor and Noah

in challenge number one.

TAYLOR:
This is very confusing.

Drumlin Farm.

Oh, Ruff.

Or maybe we have to get
our stuff from the farm.

And we might have to get
the eggs from the chickens.

That's true.And the milk
from the goat.

I thought we were going to a
real grocery store, with like...

This is like,
this is like a farm.

...processed food
already made.

Hi, guys.
Hi.
Oh, hi.

RUFF:
Here comes the expert.

Welcome to Drumlin farm.

My name is Tia.

RUFF:
It's Tia the farmer.

Noah.
I'm Taylor.
And Taylor.

I hear you guys came
to get some ingredients.

I guess so,
for Ruff.

Well, we've got some clothes

in here for you to put on.

You've never
worn overalls?

I haven't worn overalls
since I was about four.

GRANDMA:
Oh, are they going to get
dressed up like little farmers?

Oh, Taylor's such
a sweetie dear.

Yee-haw.

BRIAN:
Look at the kitty.

TIA:
That's Beautiful.
He's our barn cat.

RUFF:
The cat's name is "Beautiful"?

But the idea is
you're going to find

your ingredients here
on the farm,

finding stuff that would grow
in New England in July.

TAYLOR:
If we need cream,
we're going to either go

to, like, a cow or something
that gives milk, right?

I know we can get milk
from the goats.

Aww, they're so cute.

We need carrots.
There's a lot

of recipes
with carrots in this.

We finally found the carrots.

Oh, the chickens. I see them.

Hey, big fat pigs.

What's up?

They're cute, but they reek.

You need some deodorant.

Hey, Khalil.

It's Eric. I'm a friend of Ruff.

Yeah, come in.
All right.

He knows me because
I'm a stand-up comedian,

and that's what
you're going to be today.

RUFF:
Hey, I know him.

You want to get started?

GRANDMA:
Yes, dear, that's Eric.

Seems like such a nice boy,
and funny, so pay attention.

This is a tape of a couple
of jokes that I did.

Now, this first part
is physical right here.

[ audience laughing]

I love physical comedy.

One time I rubbed my eyes
with Arid Extra Dry.

Now I can't cry anymore.

[ Ruff laughing]

The deodorant thing,
that's called a bit.

What a bit is, is a series
of jokes put together

that all have
the same theme.

What we're trying to do
is find your inner funny.

It's the little gems
of goodness, you know?

And badness.
And badness.

Now, now sweetie, he's
teaching him how to tell a joke.

Pay attention.
One thing I
was thinking about

that's kind of unique
about you is your name.

If we start off
with your name,

"Hey, everybody,
my name's Khalil.

"I want to be one
of those types of people

who just has a first name."

People like Cher,
Madonna and Chewbacca.

Chewbacca.
Ha-ha-ha.

You pause just enough and
then, boom, you hit them.

Now, okay, you have
this Chewbacca here

and how have people
messed up your name?

Kleo... Khlil.

[ Khalil laughing]

The other thing that
comedy comes out of

is just everyday life.

Why don't we go
to the grocery store right now

and try and find
some material?

RUFF:
All right, Eric and Khalil
are going to the grocery store

to get some inspiration
for some jokes.

I think we should go
to this aisle over here.

Cured cooked beef.

So it's curedcooked beef.

Right.
So was it sick?

So it was sick.
Was the beef sick?

It's impossible to open this
with a plastic straw.

But you could say,
"Since I was a kid,

I've been having
this huge problem..."

And then you try and start
stabbing and you're like...

"I can't open this!
I can't open this!"

GRANDMA:
You see how he's
paying attention to Eric?

You're talking to the audience
just like they're your buddies.

That Eric, he's a funny boy.

You should pick up some
tips from him, Ruffy.

It's just like in cereal.

Why don't they put toys
in toothpaste

to get kids into it?
Get kids into brushing.

When you squeeze it hard enough

the action figure's like...
[ roaring]

You know what I mean?

[ Ruff laughing]

Yes, we've got jokes to
write. Come on, let's roll.

Let's go find T-T-T-Tia.

Hi, guys. Have you figured out
what recipes you want to do?

RUFF:
What are they going to make?
What are they going to make?

There's all kind of...The carrot cake.

Because of the carrots.

Oh, carrot cake, it's one
of my favorite recipes.

It's my most favorite
dessert in the world!

We're making our own butter,
because we need it for like...Okay, make butter.

Two eggs...

We already have
all that.

So what are you going to do
for your main meal?

We'll try the basic omelet
and then add vegetables.

And an omelet! It's like
they're reading my mind!

Okay, for the omelet you're
going to need eggs, you're
going to need veggies.

How did the vegetables grow?
What do we need?

Sun, water and soil.

We need the energy
from the sun.

We need the water, because
everything on Earth needs water.

Plants also need air.

What else?
Soil.

The soil. We need some
nutrients from the soil.

Every time you grow a plant,

the plant takes those nutrients
and stores them.

However, we've now taken all
those nutrients out of the soil.Okay.

So what we do here at the farm,

is we put nutrients
back into the soil.

So the cow eats the hay
and then what happens?

BRIAN:
He poops.

So what we do is
we take her manure--

we put it
back into the soil.

But first, we have
to let it compost.

We let it decompose.

Oh, wait a minute now.

Before they can get the
ingredients, it's chore time.

TAYLOR:
Eww!

TIA:
They're big, aren't they?That's gross.

NOAH:
It looks like melted chocolate.

TAYLOR:
Oh, that's a lovely reference.
Thanks for that.

GRANDMA:
Oh, Ruff!

You're going to make
these kids move cow manure!

That's terrible.

RUFF:
Grandma, it's part
of the challenge.

I've got to do it because
I don't want to lose points.

RUFF:
That's it, guys.
Scoop it up.

You can do it.

I don't think they
like the smell.

GRANDMA:
I was going to take
ten points off.

Grandma, I take off the points.

It's your show.

TIA:
So we're heading out
to the field.

We'll go and see where
all that manure goes to.

It looks just like dirt,
and it doesn't smell anymore.

But it's still poop.

It's, well, it's
decomposed poop.

We have four
wheelbarrows full.

That would decompose

into only one wheelbarrow.
Let's spread it.

Since you've done all that work,

you get to have some vegetables.

Roots and all--
the best way
to take basil...

Got it.Got it?

Got 'em.

TIA:
Where did the energy come from
to grow this carrot?

The sun.

BRIAN:
And the water
just helps it grow.

TIA:
Was that everything?

RUFF:
All right, they got
all the vegetables.

All they need now

is the eggs, the milk
and the cream.

Okay, I think
the milk's in there.

She has lots of good milk.

Even though Lily doesn't
grow like a plant,
she's getting

her energy from the sun,
as well.

BRIAN:
From the food.From the food she's eating.

Oh, so the cows get energy
from the food they're eating,

so technically, they get energy
from the sun, too.

TIA:
She eats a lot of food; only a
bit of it ends up in her milk.

She eats pounds of food.

She drinks gallons of water,and this is showing us

that she makes eight gallonsof milk.

Every day?!

Hey, we're back at Studio G
with Anna and Julia.

And my grandmother,
who stepped out

to tend to a fire hydrant.

All right,
it's time for Julia and Anna

to earn some points of their own

in the Half-Time Quiz Show.

Major pointage.I'm so psyched.

Then let's begin now!

Lots of people call Khalil
by the wrong name.

Klarise.Correct.

The grocery store.Correct.

Deodorant.Correct.

Um, the...Oh, the sausages.

Yes.

From the sun.Correct.

They harvested carrots,
they harvested dill,

and they harvested,

what was that other name?Hurry, hurry.

Onions.You got two.

Moving on.

Manure.Correct.

Nutrients.Correct.

Compost.Correct.

.Ten.

.RUFF:
Which is it?

. .

Correct.

Brian.Brian.

RUFF:
Correct.

Taylor, definitely.

Correct, and we are done!

That is it, the end of our quiz!

Let's tally up the FETCH .

You answered nine questions out
of ten for a total of points.

Nice job, ladies, nice job.Yeah, I like it.

Let's go over the question
you missed.

Look at this.

You got onions and carrots.

You could have named squash
or basil.

That's still good, though.

Nine out of ten.

Let's go back to our challenge.

I wanted to be one
of those celebrity names--

you know, like Madonna,
or Cher, Chewbacca...

Madonna, Cher, pause...

Chewbacca.
Good. Okay.

All right, so they
have the material,

now they're working on
the delivery.

Then you follow that by saying,
"Everybody says it wrong."

Khlil, Kleebo...
[ growling name]

Tell me a joke
about this pouch.Since I was a kid

I've been having this problem
with opening...

No, then you're going
to give away the joke.

I've been having this problem
for so long...

Maybe somebody here can help me.

I'm just, I've just been having
this trouble forever!

And there's just,
and then start...

And then build it up
and then...
Exactly.

Okay, write that down.

It's good to start really strong
and end really strong.

[ phone ringing]Hold on one second.

I think I'm getting...
Yeah, a phone call here.

Hello.

Hey, Eric, buddy, it's Ruff.

Hey, Ruff.
It's Ruff.

So tell me,
how's Khalil doing?

He's doing great,
he's doing great.

He's got a nice set list
going right here, and...

Excellent, excellent.

I think he's got some
pretty funny stuff.

He hasn't had any time
to rehearse or anything.

Well, listen, I've got
a backyard full of neighbors

who want to hear some jokes.

So send him out--
he needs to practice.

There's an audience
waiting for you right
now in your backyard...

What?
That Ruff arranged.

KHALIL:
Oh, my goodness!

Yeah, I'll see you later

and good luck with your first
performance here.

Thanks.
Take it easy.

Hello, neighborhood.

How's everyone doing?

He's talking
into a garden hose.

My name is Khalil,
as some of you guys know.

Which, actually,
I want my name, Khalil,

to be one of those celebrity
names, where I don't

really have a last name,
you know what I mean?

Like, I don't know, Cher,
Madonna...

Chewbacca.

RUFF:
That's pretty funny.

You know, one problem
I've been having

since I was just a little tot,

you know what I mean,
since I was a kid

and I tried to get over it,
but I just...

I just can't,
and it gets on my nerves,

and I just wish I could get
over it but I can't.

And you know what it is?!
You know what it is?!

It's these. You know?

No, you try to open them
and you can't.

Then you try and you
start stabbing them
and you're, like...

You resort to the straw,
which you're supposed
to use,

but you know, it never really
works, so you...

[ audience laughing]

Now we're cooking.

Thank you, everyone.RUFF:
Nice job.

And let me tell you something.

Being funny in front
of your family is hard.

[ phone ringing]

Hello.

Khalil!
Your phone's upside down.

Oh, there you go.
How are you?

Hey, great rehearsal, buddy.Thanks.

Listen, you sir,
are booked tonight

at the Comedy Connection.

I'm booked at the Comedy
Connection tonight.

RUFF:
Now it's time to milk the cow.

I thought it'd be gross,
but it's not.Is it working?

Look at all that milk
coming out.Yeah!

I wonder if the kids like it.Isn't that gross?

Wow, look at all the milk!

Nicely done.

Oh, if I had a large cookie.

Do you see any food here?No.

Well, look around.
You've got to find food.

Oh, in the little
hanging things.

TIA:
There you go.

Any idea what's in here?RUFF:
Pizza?

Corn?Grains?

They're eating
their energy

by eating a plant.

She's nice.

RUFF:
What's she doing?She's doing it right now.

That chicken is
laying an egg.

She's laying an egg!It's coming out!

TIA:
It did, it just came out.

Look at that.

Still wet. Wet and hot.

We just witnessed a miracle.

It's so beautiful!

[ sobbing]

[ blows nose]

It's hot.

It's hot inside a chicken.

Finally, they're ready
to start cooking my meal.

Starving dog here!

This is an old-time
butter churn.

Oh! Can I do it?

Now we'll
rinse our butter.

Oh! Can you imagine
the size of the pancake

that piece of butter can go on?

It's / teaspoon salt.

A cup of butter.
Cornstarch.

Oh, look at all
those delicious ingredients.

Oh, I'm starving!

NOAH:
Cooking for dogs is quite tough.

It's hot.

Noah's performing
the chin egg-balance.

Very difficult.

Ah! Brian seems
to be exercising

some of his
short-order cook skills.

It's the runny
kind of stuff.

Look at the size
of that omelet.

What do you think
of our masterpiece, Ruff?

I think your masterpiece
looks delicious.

That is one less bite
that I get to eat, Brian.

Ohh!

Oh, I can hear my stomach!

BRIAN:
We started in the field.

That's true.And now we have that.

All natural!
This is one organic meal.

Thanks so much, Tia.

Say hi to Ruff for me.

All right.
I'm a little nervous.

Khalil's got a show tonight.
He's at the Comedy Connection.

I have hooked it up.

This is the final part
of the challenge.

This is where
all the famous
comedians come.

Let's go over that set list
real quick.

Hey, what's up, Boston?

How's everyone doing tonight?

Like... like...You know how stars...

Madonna, Prince, Chewbacca.

After Chewbacca is,
"The problem with your name..."

You'll hear Kleo,
Khalibo, Kull... [ choking]

Excellent.Well, Ruff,
I'm a little nervous,

but just going to have
to summon all my energy

and go up there
and rock the house.

Young man,
you take that nervousness

and you channel it,
and you be funny.

I have confidence in you.

Everybody, please
give a big Boston welcome

to the very funny, very
handsome, very talented Khalil!

Hey, what's up, Boston?

GRANDMA:
Here he goes!
Oh, I'm nervous for him.

RUFF:
Don't worry, Grandma.
He's going to be great.

How's everyone doing?

[ crowd yelling]

I want to be one of those stars

who basically
only has a first name.

Doesn't even need a last name.

Like, um...
Madonna, Prince, um...

Chewbacca.

Chewbacca.

And the problem with my name

is that a lot
of people mispronounce it.

I've gotten Kaleo, Kleemo...
[ choking]

Oh! [ swallows loudly]

One thing
that's been plaguing me

since I was just a kid...

and it's just
been a huge problem...

it makes me really upset...

And you know what it is?

See? It's this-- it's this, see?

[ audience screams]

Ha-ha! He totally
soaked the audience.

Sorry about that.

They're loving him!

Uh-oh.

Now, with cereal...
You see toys in the cereal.

Shouldn't toothpaste companies
do the same?

They encourage brushing teeth
among youngsters,

and I think they should
have a toy in them--

like little
action-figure characters.

Now, here's what a kid
would look like trying.

[ straining]

And here's what the little
rubber character

would look like.

[ groaning and grunting]

Hey, look! It's Chewbacca!

[ fluttering tongue]

Oh! You see how he brought it
back full-circle there?

[ cheering and applause]

Oh, man, that was great!

That was so good!
So good!

I'm proud of you.
I am proud of you.Thank you so much.

You found your inner funny,
and you rocked the house.

He's awesome!I was nervous until I got...

until I just got my first line
off, and then perfect.

As soon as you got
that first laugh,

then you knew
they loved you.

They got morethan
their money's worth

with me out there.That's right!

[ Khalil and Ruff barking]

Yeah! We are back in Studio G!
Khalil was funny!

That was insane.That was so awesome.

It's time to welcome the
challengees back to Studio G.

First up,
the trio with my dinner:

Farmer Brian,
Farmer Noah and Farmer Taylor.

Oh, the stench!

And, while these guys
were cooking up dinner,

who was cooking up the jokes?
Khalil!

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

I brought everyone
some cured beef products.

Let me have some.

Let's award some points.

All right, Khalil, man, you came
up with some k*ller stuff.

That cracks me up-- points.

Young man,
you got up onstage,

and you knocked them dead.

I'm giving you, um...

I think you should
give him points.

Grandma!
Can I give out the...?

Okay, you know, she's right.
points, Khalil.

Thank you,
Grandma Ruffman.

You're welcome, dear.
You deserve it.

You were hysterical.

RUFF:
On to the farmers.

You had a bunch of tasks today.
points.

For your excellent cooking,

and for being good sports

and being nice to the animals...

You need some deodorant.

Even for being nice
to Hideous...

I mean Beautiful--
Beautiful the cat-- points.

Nice job! Now, Taylor...Yes?

I believe you have
some chow you brought back.

Put the chow in the mailbox
because I'm hungry.

Coming to you, Ruff...All right.

Let's see what we got here.

Oh! It's moist.
Oh, it's flavorful. I love it!

That brings
the Triumph Tally to...

Awesome! But is that
all the points a dog can give?

ALL:
No.

What time is it?

ALL:
Bonus points!

Now, Taylor,

for working with the manure...

And, gentlemen, you could
have got into those bonus points

if you pitched in a little.Let them get it!

You pitched in a little,
but you got to admit,

Taylor is the queen of manure!

Nice.

Which means...

And points from Anna
and Julia from the quiz.

They got nine out of ten today.

Which means Khalil
is today's Daily Winner!

Khalil, for being the Daily
Winner, you have a Daily Prize

waiting for you in that mailbox.

But, by now, you know

the history
of Daily Prizes on FETCH!

It could tickle your funny bone
or... [ chuckling]

the joke could be on you.

Your choice: take the prize

or choose one of your fellow
contestants to take it instead.

What will you do, Khalil?

I haven't won many prizes.
I think I'll take this one.

Step up, Khalil, to the mailbox
and retrieve your prize.

Oh! Hey! Whoa! This is... Oh!

Grandma Ruffman's
Family Joke Book.

Nice!

Now, that is my grandmother's

Family Joke Book.

That's a great picture
of you, Grandma Ruffman.

Oh, thank you, dear.

I know it's not my best dress,

but I think it was appropriate
for the cover.

All right, Grandma,
let me jump in here.

All right, kids,
that brings us to the end

of another exciting episode
of FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman...

and Ruff Ruffman's grandma.

So, from Studio G,

see you next time!

Bye-bye, Ruff! You're the dog!

Oh! Well, it was a long day,
but now I can finally relax

and dive into this yummy food.

You're going to eat
without unfolding

your napkin first?Grandma! You're still here.

And a good thing, too.

I didn't see you
wash your hands

before dinner.

Paws have germs.

Yours, especially,
I'm sure.

Oh, this Web phone
is so much fun!

I don't think
I'll ever get off!

So, Ruffy, I have a new blend
of potpourri

that I think you should market
on the show...

Okay, one last thing.

Not only do I host my own
television show

But I have a
fantastic website too.

Check it out. There are
tons of great games,

and lots more.

It's like getting extra
gravy on your kibble.

[ Ruff scatting]

♪ Fetch!♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

[ Ruff scatting]

Whatever.

♪ Fetch!♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

♪ Fetch!♪