01x20 - The Dogcathalon Finale (Grand Finale)

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman". Aired: May 29, 2006 - November 4, 2010.
A reality game show with animated host Ruff Ruffman features real kids facing real challenges.
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01x20 - The Dogcathalon Finale (Grand Finale)

Post by bunniefuu »

Come on!

Ah!

[ sobbing]

Oh, hi.

Uh, I'm Ruff Ruffman.

I wasn't crying
or anything like that.

Why would I be crying?

[ laughs]

I'm just blowing up balloons

'cause I'll be
dropping of them

on the FETCH!Grand Champion.

Today we're determining
the FETCH!Grand Prize Winner.

Which means today--
I'm sorry--

is the, um,
season's final episode.

After today-- easy, Ruff--

I'll never see
those crazy kids again.

I'm sorry!

[ sobbing]

[ wailing]

Ruff, stop it!

You promised yourself
you wouldn't cry!

Hey, after all,
in just a few hours

I'll be on my way to Hawaii.[ Hawaiian music plays]

Yup, jetting off
in my travel crate here,

for those white sand beaches.

WOMAN:
Oh, Ruffles!

I hope you know
what squeaky toys

you're bringing!

I won't miss my FETCH!
contestants one tiny bit.

[ screaming and wailing]

RUFF:
♪ Life was missing
its mystique ♪



♪ My squeaky toys
had lost their squeak. ♪

And then, out of the blue,
I saw the phone and bam!

My destiny was calling me.

[instrumental jazz playing]

♪ Pitched my vision for a show

♪ They loved it,
thought I was a pro ♪

♪ They got my contract
back to find ♪

♪ To their alarm,
a dog had signed ♪

♪ FETCH!♪Oh, I like that name.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

♪ I didn't wait to renovate

♪ Found six contestants,
all were great ♪

♪ And now I'm on
the road to fame ♪

♪ I've got a game show
and its name is... ♪

♪ FETCH!♪

It's very catchy.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

It rolls off the tongue.

Wait, stop.♪ With Ruff Ruffman.♪

Somebody want to tell me
why we got cats singing?

Funding for Fetch with Ruff
Ruffman has been provided by

The National Science Foundation

where discovers begin

Dedicated to strengthening
America's future

through education.

RUFF:
FETCH ,
cue the fog machine.

And here come
the contestants now!

She's in first place,
and she likes it that way.

The gal to b*at
with , points-- Anna!

Nipping at her heels, he's got
the hunger in his eyes,

the hunger for victory
with , points-- Noah!

Just five points behind him,
third place isn't good enough

for this contestant--

it's first place or bust.

With , points-- Khalil!

Nine points behind him
and ready to rumble

with , points-- Julia!

Holy mackerel,
just one point behind her,

this contestant's going to turn

this whole sh**ting match
upside down.

With , points,
watch out for Brian!

She's in sixth place now,
but don't count her out yet.

It's all part
of her master plan.

With , points even--
Taylor!

Hello, and welcome tothe last episode of season one

of FETCH!with Ruff Ruffman,

the new reality game show

where the host will absolutely,
positively not cry...

Ah, Ruff.

I know you
can do it, Ruff.

Excuse me just...

[ wailing]

Oh...

It's okay,
Ruff.

All right, I'm good.
I'm good. Okay.

[ clears throat]

So it's all come down to today.

One contestant alone will be
crowned FETCH!Grand Champion

and receive

the grand prize.

But, Ruff,
what's the grand prize?

Glad you asked, Brian,
because I...

I...

Oh!

It's, uh, grand.

And it's a prize.

You said you'd have it...

I did. Wait.

Wait, give me a second.

Uh...
I have a great idea.

How about you guys
tell me what you want?

That's awesome.

I mean, really,
can you trust me to come up

with a great grand prize?

I mean, to me,

a lifetime supply of egg rolls.

So I tell you what.

You guys are going to tell me

what you want for a grand prize.

That's right.All right.
Good idea.

I'm going to place some note
cards and pencils

into the mailbox.

Brian, if you would.

Pass them out
to your fellow contestants.

Now, guys, I love you.

I'll give you whatever you want,

but, uh, let's...
let's be reasonable.

Mind the budget.

[ chuckles]

I wonder what these kids
are going to put down.

What if they want
their own submarine?

Got it.

And, Brian, if you would,

please place them
back into the mailbox.

Now last night

I was told by my, uh, "person"

that we're going
on vacation to Hawaii.

Sweet.
Wow.
Cool.

Now I haven't even packed yet,

which actually,
kind of works out

a little bit for this challenge.

Now these here
are a small collection

of some of my favorite
squeaky toys.

But I have them soaking
in that pool because,

well, they're filthy.

Now as we unfortunately learned

when Brian and Anna
visited my dentist,

a human's mouth is cleaner
than a dog's.

So I need two fetchers
to crawl on all fours

and carry the squeaky toys in
your mouth to those suitcases.

Taylor and Brian.

Your th and th place,
respectively.

The one who has more
toys in their suitcase

will get to move on
to the next round.

The other one

will have to say good-bye.

Oh.

And I...

I hate to say good-bye,
but that's the rules.

You understand that, right?

Ruff, it's okay.

All right, I'm just saying.

Okay.
Are you ready?

Yes.

Fetch!

And there they go!

Go, Brian. Go, Taylor!

Oh, they're moving fast!

Wow, these guys
are going faster than me!

JULIA:
You can do this!

Slipping and sliding.

JULIA:
Come on, Taylor!

Come on, Taylor!

ANNA:
Looks pretty close, guys,
keep on going.

Oh, there's my steak!

Come on, Taylor,
think like a dog!

That one almost didn't go in,
but it went in.

Go, Brian. Go, Taylor.

JULIA:
Take a big bite of that steak!

Oh!

NOAH:
Yeah, Brian!

Brian takes the steak!

And we have it.

All the squeaky toys are in!

All right, Brian and Taylor,
let's see.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

, , , , ,

, , ,

.

Wow, .

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

, .

Not quite , but .

But a good total!

Brian, you have won...Yeah, Brian.

the squeaky toy race.

And you move on
to the next round.

Now, Taylor,
you know I love you.

Before we say good-bye
to Taylor,

I've prepared something for you,

or at least the FETCH has.

[ chuckles]

I want you to watch
this special video

of your highlights here

on FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.Oh, I'm going to cry.

Let's take a look.

I'm Taylor reporting live

at the scene
of a category one hurricane.

[ gasps]:
There's a d*ad person!

"And you're running the show!"

Ruff, you're so awesome.

Make sure you get funky
when we do this part.

I cannot believe that four cows
produced this much poop.

Ah.

Taylor, I had a great time.

But at this point,
it's time to say sayonara.

Bye, Ruff.

Good-bye to you, my dear.

Watch your head
as you go out that door.

Yeah, let's get hugs.

I'll miss you guys.

Bye, Khalil.
Later, Noah.

Bye, Taylor.

Bye, guys.Bye, Taylor.

Bye, Taylor.

Wait! Wait!

Don't go! I can't say good-bye.
I can't do it.

I just want to offer you
a smoothie.

Would you like a smoothie?

I'd love a smoothie, Ruff.

Come on up to the mailbox.

I got a smoothie right
there for you waiting.

All right.

That's right, you go out
in style on this show.

Mm.

Now, Taylor,
I can't just have you leave.

You are going to relax
for the rest of the show.

I want you to take a chair
and move over by the pool.

You get to hang out
in the Luau Lounge.

Oh, yeah.Welcome to the Luau Lounge.

Please, have a seat.

You nice and comfy, Taylor?

I am.

Awesome.

[ bell dings]Whoa!

Hey, wait a minute!

Wait!

Don't touch
any of those balloons.

Oh, that was supposed to happen
at the end!

They were supposed to come down
when the grand winner wins!

Well, uh, okay, you know what?

I actually meant for those
balloons to come down.

That's right.

The balloons coming down is part
of the next challenge round.

Uh, Elimination Round
Number Two.

Brian, you took round one.

That means you're going up
against Julia for round two.

What's going to happen, guys,Okay.

is you have a minute and a half

to pop the balloons
of your color.

Now, Brian, you are being
assigned to the blue balloons.

Julia, you are being assigned
to the orange balloons.

Now here's the catch.

You have to pop them
with your bottom.

Are you two fetchers ready?

I'm ready.

On your mark,

get set, pop.

ANNA:
Come on guys, woo!

BRIAN:
Oh, they don't pop!

TAYLOR:
Take your fingers
out of your ears!

NOAH:
You're supposed to be relaxing.

Brian, you don't have to jump,
you can just sit.

There you go.

You just have to sit on them.

Brian!

Three, two, one!

Stop popping!

All right, you two.

Now, the FETCH
has carefully patched in

to all the cameras on set.

And we have a final score.

Brian-- balloons.

Yeah, Brian.

However, the FETCH
has informed me

that two of those balloons
were popped by your knees

and two of them
from your upper back.

So you have minus four balloons,
which brings you to

a still awesome total

of balloons popped.

ANNA:
Yeah, Brian!

Now, Julia,

you popped a total of...

ten balloons!

It was a close race,

but Brian pulls it off
by one balloon.

One point again!That was so close.

Brian, you advance

with a second straight victory
to the next round.

Julia, I guess
it's time to say good-bye.

I feel like
we've had a special bond,

so here is a video
of some of your challenges

on FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.

This is so much fun, Ruff.
I wish you were here.

[ imitating barking]

Pull your elbows
way back.Ow, my neck hurts.

Ruff, I haven't been too happy
with your electronics here.

You know what
an owl pellet is?[ mock gagging]

JULIA:
I'm not looking,
I'm not looking.

I want to get out of here.

Okay, let's go,
let's go, let's go!

Oh, there was poop on it!

It's on my finger!

[ kids groaning]

RUFF:Julia, it's been a great ride.

You've been
an awesome contestant.

How would you like a smoothie?

I'd love one.

Reach into the mailbox, Julia.

Oh, yeah!Beautiful.

Grab a chair

and join Taylor
in the Luau Lounge.

Sit back, relax.

And enjoy the rest of the show.

When I'm away in Hawaii...

um, you know,
after the show is...

over...We won't get into that.

well, I don't want
to have to worry about mice

stealing my strategic reserve

of kib... uh, food,

yes, that I keep in the garage,
I mean Studio G.

So it's time for
Elimination Round Number Three.

All remaining four contestants
will be divided

into two teams,

randomly selected
by the FETCH --

Okay.

the Blue Team and the Red Team.

Using the materials found on
and around the lemonade stand,

the two teams will build a tower
that's strong enough

to hold my backup supply
of food.

The towers also have to be
at least four feet high.

That ought to stop those mice!

Yeah.

Once those towers are built,

you will place
a bowl of kibble on top.

If the towers hold,
you will continue to add

from my stock of food,

until one tower collapses.

Now, the winning team

gets bonus points
added to

their already amazing score!Wow.

Then we will take a look
at the four fetchers remaining.

And the two fetchers
with the highest score

will go head-to-head
in the final FETCH!Face-off.

Are you ready?

We're ready.
Yes.

Then FETCH ,
shuffle the names.

We will start with Team Blue.

Our first fetcher
on Team Blue is...

Brian!

All right.

Our first fetcher
on Team Red is...

Khalil!

Joining Khalil is...

Anna!

Okay.

Which means Noah will join Brian

on Team Blue.

All right, teams.

On your mark.

Get set.

Build!

All right, let's go.

Come on, guys!You grab that stuff,
I'll grab these.

ANNA:
How about you grab the sticks,
I'll grab the material.

We have some sticks, paper...

They've got construction paper.

Some newspapers.

NOAH:
Dude, look, we've got tape.

They have masking tape.

Some tape.

They each have a tape measure.

NOAH:
We have tacks, too.

Yeah, we can use the flower pot.

We have a flower
pot as the base

because we need
a strong base.

We have one, two--
this is-this is behind--

and three, four.

We can have,
on the innards,
we can have

one crossing here
and one crossing here.

NOAH:
So this is one part, right?

There's another section
and another section...

and another section.

And then I think we should keep

stacking these in the middle
to get as high as we can.

Hold two....
Yeah.

Anna and Khalil seem to have

an idea and they're off.

Okay.

Here.

Let's see if we can
do it like this.

Then I'll attach
this down here.

Okay.

See, look how
steady that is.

Oh, how nice.

Okay, Noah and Brian
seem to have a battle plan.

And Julia and Taylor are still
drinking their smoothies.

My tootsies are
getting all pruney.

So how about we do
like this?

Say here's four.

Just keep doing four,

four, four, four,
four, four, four.

And make a wall?
Yeah.

But it has to be filled in to
hold the kibble on top.

What should we do?

Okay, I'm noticing that

Anna and Khalil
are using the single strips.

But these two don't have
anything supporting them.

I think maybe our next step
should be to, like,

go like this
periodically throughout it.

But they're adding crossbars
for extra strength.

I think maybe we should attach
it up here a little bit.

Like an "X" over here.

I don't know.

We're not going to have
enough sticks to finish

all the height
and make four feet.
You're
right.

Oh, boy. Team Blue
is still talking strategy.

Instead, want to make,
like, a table?

If you notice tables,
the tables are square

and it can hold a lot.

The sides are okay, but the top
is big and the bottom is big.

And if it can hold that
with a strong base

and a strong top,
we'll be all right.

So let's just keep
taping these together.

Well, it looks like
Brian and Noah

are bundling
their strips together

to make the legs
of their tower stronger.

Meanwhile, Anna and Khalil
seem to be reinforcing

their joints with tape.

Careful.
This is
really sturdy.

I think that's about four feet
right there. Measure it.

That's about four feet.

KHALIL:
This isn't even three feet.

We still need more inches
on this baby.
Yeah,
but how,

are we going to
build it off this?

This is inches
right here?
Yeah.

We should stick
some of these in.

Ooh, I like that.
That's what I call strong.

Anna and Khalil
seem to be building

a reverse Eiffel Tower.

So that's one stick.

Tight.

So we need two there.

We have one, two--
we need two more.

I know but let's just
see how we're doing here.

[ stick snaps]

All right, so now we can
move on to the top now.

It looks like Team Red is very
close to figuring out a way

to keep the mice
out of my food!

I'm just going to stick
a couple across like this.

Instead of four legs, I think
we're going to do three.

Do something like this...

then some like this...
then some like this.

We can have three legs.

Then we're going
to have our top.

So let's just get
working on the top.

Team Blue is using
a lot of masking tape.

We need to start
doing them crosswise.

Yeah!
That's perfect.

If we go like this,
we can have a table.

Two minute warning!

Lady and gentlemen,
two minute warning.

Let it go, let it go.

It stands up.

One minute.

This is leaning a little bit.

So if we have the
props like this,

what'll happen is,
when it starts leaning,

the props will
kind of catch it.

All right.

We're done.

seconds.

This will hold all the kibble.

Teams, stop building!

Step back from your project.

All right.

I asked you both to build
a tower four feet,

and so right now

we're going
to measure those towers.

Let's start with the Red Team.

It is over four feet.

What do we have?

and a half inches.

Nice.

Excellent.

Team Blue, what do we got?

We got... .

Yes! Awesome!

And now it's time
for the food test.

We are going to start
with the Red Team.

Grab a large bowl of kibble and
place it on top of your tower.

Yes!

All right,

Red Team, second bowl of kibble.

And the tower still stands.Ruff Tower,
we love you.

A third bowl of kibble.

Three bowls of kibble
have made it onto the tower!

And now a fourth bowl.

We have four bowls of kibble!

All right.

Canned food.

Yes!

Two cans of dog food.

Do I hear a third can?

My goodness!
Three cans! Yes! Awesome!

Now let's take a look
at the Blue Team.

It's on! Yes!

Bowl number one is on.

Careful placement by Brian.

Wait, wait, wait.

No! It's twisting!

Down it goes!

And Team Blue's tower
has collapsed.

Which means, Anna and Khalil
get an extra bonus points.

All right,
Brian and Noah, Team Blue.

Where do you think
you went wrong in the design?

I think we needed

maybe either one more leg

or a little more
support in the middle.

NOAH:
Yeah, we needed to make
another triangle.

Maybe if more reinforcement
was done at the bottom,

it might have kept the tower
from twisting.

That would have been
the way to go.

You guys did a great job.

Team Red, what was your thought

behind the design of this tower?

I figured, that, like,
if we had lots of triangles

and lots of inner supports, it
would keep it really strong.

Well, great job. Now.

You guys.

Thank you so much
for all the thrills

and excitement
you brought to the show.

I've put together some
of your best moments

on FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.

We're going to start with Brian.

Okay.

Woo!

Do you like spinach?

No.

Upside down, baby!

Aww, Brian.

Reach in to the mailbox, Brian.

Grab yourself a chair, buddy.

We'll see you soon, man.

Thanks a lot, man.

Noah, this has been a great run.

I love you, man.I love you, too, Ruff.

It's been a great show.

Let's go down memory lane

with you, my friend.

I've always wanted
to be a clown.

Hey, Ruff, what's up?

It's a frozen mouse. [ roars]

Go outside and look

up in the sky?

What will you think of next?

That was hard work.

The satellite is fixed, Ruff.

You're back in business.

Aww, Noah.

Reach right into the mailbox.

It's coming right up.

Noah, don't leave Brian
all alone with the ladies.

Grab a chair.

All right. Now it's time
for the final FETCH!Face-off.

You will be asked ten questions
that relate to your challenges

on FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.

You must light
the Gnomes of Knowledge

when you want
to answer a question.

Currently, Anna is in the lead

with , points.

Khalil is but six points behind

with , points.

Whoever has more points
at the end

will be crowned
FETCH!Grand Champion,

and receive the grand prize.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.Ready.

Anna?

Uh, beats
per minute?

That is correct.

Complete the following phrase:

Khalil?Is that all the points
a dog can give?

Correct!

Anna?

Downward facing dog.

Correct!

How many human years
would equal a dog year?

Can't give you that.

Anna?

, years old.

Correct!That was so great.

Khalil, to answer your question,
dog years is seven.

This is made out of bacteria
and partially digested food.

It's a scrambler.

Khalil!

Is it plaque?

It is!
Nice.

What genre of music is this?

[ slow instrumental
music playing]

Anna?

It is waltz music.

Correct!

Who spoke this line?

WOMAN:
Good morrow.

You have been abed quite late.

Khalil.

Mistress Winslow.

Correct.

What is this?

Khalil?

A moon bear.

Correct.

What is this noise?

[ kids shouting,
creaky rumbling]

Khalil.

This is the fetchers
on the corkscrew?

That is correct.

[ cheering]

This game is really close.

One question separates
our two challengers.

Here's our final question.

There are three smelly things
under those flower pots.

You have to identify
all three smells correctly

in order to win the points.

Write down your answers
carefully.

If Khalil gets all three,
he's the champion.

If Anna gets all three,
then she's the champion.

If no one can correctly identify
all three smells,

then Khalil wins
with points.

Khalil,

begin your sniff-atation.

Anna, it's your turn.
Go right ahead.

All set, Anna?

Khalil, we'll start with you.

What do you have, my friend?

I wrote for number one,

a lemon; two, a cookie;
and three, wood.

Anna, what did you have?

Number one,

I said lemon.

For number two,
I said carrot cake.

And for number three,
I said fish.

All right.

The answer
to number one was lemon.

Cool! All right, guys,
you both got it!You both got it.

You both got that one.

It's still anybody's game.

Number two...

is carrot cake.

Oh, Anna!

Khalil missed that one,
but he's still in it.

Remember, Anna must answer
all three smells correctly,

or Khalil is the winner.

It all comes down
to this question.

Anna said fish.

If it's fish,
Anna wins points

and becomes the first ever
FETCH!Grand Champion.

If she's wrong,
Khalil is the grand champion.

The third smell,
for all the marbles,

is...

fish.

[ all shouting out ]

And Anna is our FETCH!
Grand Champion!

Yeah, Anna!All right, Anna!

Release the balloons!

Oh, wait, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I already did that.

Congratulations, Anna.

And congratulations
to all my fetchers.

Khalil,

you did a great job.

Thanks.

I have a smoothie waiting

for you and Anna.

Both of you come forward
and take your smoothies.

Oh, go get
that smoothie.

And Khalil,

I want to walk down memory lane
with you, buddy.

This is for you.

The problem with my name is

a lot of people mispronounce it.

Khaleo, Klebo.

[ silly muttering]

Oh!

Oh hurry up,
hurry up, open it, open...

Oh!

Good night, Ruff.

[ cheering]

And now on to our FETCH!
Grand Champion!

The first in the history
of this program.

Anna,

let's walk down memory lane
with you.

What?

I have better teeth than you.

Oh, no, you don't.

[ cheering]

And now it is time
for the grand prize.

♪ Dun-dun-dun!

Anna?
Yeah?

Step forward, my champion.

What is it?

It's a gift and a letter.

Anna, read the card first.Read the card.

Always read the card first.

White water rafting!

That's right, Anna![ all exclaiming]

You will be spending a whole day

sh**ting down the rapids!

Yeah!

Congratulations.

So awesome!That is so cool!

You also have another present
in that bag.

Whoa!

It's a camera.

ALL:
Oh!

Oh, and one last thing.

Anna's not going
white water rafting by herself.

No, no, no.

You're allgoing
white water rafting!

[ all cheering]

That's right!

And now that officially

brings us to the close

of an awesome, amazing,

stupendous season
of FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.

ALL:
Bye, Ruff.

Bye, guys!

Don't forget
to wear life jackets!

I wish I could go with you.

Bye, Ruff.
I love you.

Bye!

♪ FETCH!

WOMAN:
Ruffalicious!

Taxi's here.

This is it.

Don't forget to write
your old game show host pal

from time to time.

[ groaning]

Be careful on those rapids!

[ meowing]

Yes, sir, a dog could get used
to this kind of life.

Special delivery
for Ruff Ruffman.

Ooh, I think it's from Henry.

Could be a new contract,
or I could be fired, or...

Oh.

Oh, they shouldn't have.

Okay, one last thing.

Not only do I host my own
television show

But I have a
fantastic website too.

Check it out. There are
tons of great games,

the inside scoop on our
contestants,

and lots more.

[ Ruff scatting]

♪ Fetch!♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

[ Ruff scatting]

Whatever.

♪ Fetch!♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman♪

♪ Fetch!♪
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