06x09 - Bummer Camp/Sleepstakes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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06x09 - Bummer Camp/Sleepstakes

Post by bunniefuu »

This program is rated G

and is suitable for
general audiences.

♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like
ping-pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach
the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over
laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can
smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's gotta do what
he can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove,
it's how we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪

♪ One boy, ten girls, wouldn't
trade it for the world ♪

♪ Loud ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ Loud, Loud House ♪

Poo-poo!



(Birds chirping)

Uh... Ahhh!
(Squealing tires)

If you are once again lost,
allow me to point out

that your bedchamber
is right over there.

I know that! I'm just afraid
to cross because... Ooh!

Ahh!

Ah. I see Lola's still at it.
Now that pageant season is over,

all the energy she put
into walking and waving

has nowhere to go.

Yesterday, she glammed Grouse.

(Squealing tires)

'Just go for it! We have a lot
of rehearsing to do!'

It's too dangerous,
Mr. Coconuts!

'I'm not getting
any younger, Kid.'

'Just count
the rings in my neck!'

(Inhaling):
Okay!

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya!

Here it goes!

(Honking)

Aaah!
(Crashing)

Oh, that was a close one,
Mr. Coconuts!

Aaah!

Mr. Coconuts?!

'Is that you,
Uncle Woody?'

'Your boy Coconuts
is coming home!'

Oh, stay with me,
Mr. Coconuts!

Please! Somebody
call Pine-1-1!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.
'No, that was good.'

('Coughing')

Mom! Dad! I need a ride to the
wood shop! It's an emergency!

It wasn't my fault, Lisa!

You saw it, right?
He came out of nowhere!

Ah! This hallway's
full of blind spots!

How is Mr. Coconuts?

He's out of surgery. Dr. Ted
soldered his leg back on,

and said he'd be as good as new

with a little sanding
and some primer.

Ah, thank goodness!

I'm sorry for hitting
him with my car!

...Allegedly.

There's just one problem.
Mr. Coconuts is gonna

be at the shop for a few
days, but we booked a party!

They're expecting
a ventriloquist act,

and I don't know what to do!

Me, talking like this
just seems a little weird.

Well, you've done weirder.

Anyway, wish I could help, but
I've got another glam sesh

with Mr. Grouse
at 4:30! Bye!

(Dinging)

You can help me!
You can be my new dummy!

(Scoffing): Sweetie, Lola
Loud is no one's dummy.

See? You made
a joke already!

You know, I wouldn't be in
this situation if you hadn't

splintered Mr. C.'s femur
all over the hallway.

Allegedly.

Look, how about I cover
his medical bills?

Up to $100.

Huh, guess I'll just find
someone else to perform with me.

To a packed house.

A packed house?! You mean people
really come to your shows?

Yep. And this time
it will be your show.

Just like your pageants!
You'd be the star!

'You'd be the star' is my
favourite sentence ever!

You got yourself a dummy!

Boy, I sure am thirsty,
Princess Sassy Pants!

(Gulping)
(Spitting)

Hey, you tryin' to drown me
or something?

Holy mackerel!
I'm no carp.

(Uproarious laughing
and cheering)

That was incredible!
Looks like they love you.



(Phone ringing)

Look at all these texts
for party requests!

I've never gotten so many
in one day before!

I'm not surprised.
We slayed.

Does this mean you might
be interested in doing

these other shows with me?

Are you kidding?! Today was
such a rush! All the applause,

and adulation I've been missing!

I'm totally in!

Eunice! Listen to this!

(Phone ringing)

Funny Business LLC!

You bring the money,
I bring the funny.

Luan speaking.

This is Dr. Ted at the woods hop.
I'm happy to report

Mr. Coconuts has
made a full recovery!

And is ready to be discharged!

Oh, that's great news!
I'll be by to pick him up.

LOLA: And then, the
crowd cheered so long,

we bowed four times, Eunice!
Four times!

Uh, Luan?

Oh, sorry Dr. Ted.
Um, I'll be by, uh, soon!

(Beeping)

(Dixieland jazz playing)

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I can't believe we're
headlining the Chortle Portal!

I've performed here
a million times,

but I've never
been the main act!

(Squealing): Let's take a
selfie of us with our poster!

(Phone dinging)

Oops, hang on!
My memory is full.

I just need to delete
a few pictures.

(Beeping)

Hmm...

(Beeping)

(Camera clicking)

Since this is gonna be
such a big gig?

I was thinking that
instead of drinking water,

I could eat pizza,
and have you spit it out!

Make it ham and pineapple,
and I won't even be acting!

Ha... blech!

(Both laughing)

Aaah!

Mr. Coconuts!
How did you get home?!

Oh, hey kiddo! Why is it
so dark in here?

I passed the woods hop
on my way home

and picked up
Mr. C. for you!

How thoughtful!

Nice to see you up and about,
Mr. Coconuts!

Sorry about the whole
running you over thing.

...Allegedly.

I'll leave you two to catch up.

I gotta practice
spitting pepperonis!

Ooh! Its great to see you,
Mr Coconuts.

How are you feeling?

'Like one of Lynn's
crusty socks left on the floor!'

'Were you ever gonna
pick me up, toots?!'

Oh, I'm sorry.
I've been super busy.

'Oh, I know!
Your dad told me.'

'You and Lola are the hot new
comedy team in town.'

He did?

'Chortle Portal, huh?!'

Boy, Dad sure likes
to flap his gums.

Listen, I can explain!

'No need to, doll.
You've hit the big time!'

'I'm really happy for you.'

You are...?

So... we're good?

'Good as gold, kid!'

Great run through, Luan!

I love the improv at the end.

Okay! Gotta go.
Talk to ya later!

So, now that you've seen
Lola and me rehearsing,

what do you think of our act?

'Ah, nothing
I haven't seen before.'

Oh...

You usually love
those kind of jokes.

Anyway, wait 'til
you see the new dress

I got Lola for the show!

'Ooh, can't wait! Fun fact:
I've been wearing the same

seersucker suit for two years!
But, whatever.'

Aaah! Somebody
come quick!

Sorry! I was only storing that
drum of nuclear waste in here

so it wouldn't bother Lily.

What're you talking about?!

W-w-wait, what
are you talking about?

This!

Something spilled all over
my new dress! It's ruined!

(Sniffling)

Smells like wood varnish...

'What a weird thing
to happen!'

Ready to rehearse, partner?

You bet! I just need to get
the chocolate mousse pies

out of my portable fridge.

You made chocolate mousse pies?
Aw, it's so sweet of you

to hit me in the face
with my favourite dessert!

'I'll say! I've been asking
for Key lime pies

for half my life,
but who's keepin' score?'

(Gasping)

All the pies are smashed!
I don't understand.

How did this happen?!

'Aw, what a shame! A mishap
like this could totally

derail your show
at the Chortle Portal!'

(Sipping):
Ah!

Perfect for dribbling.

'Isn't the dribble glass bit
a little overdone?'

What?! You used to love it!
Besides, Lola...

'Of course... Princess Steal My
Job thinks it's hilarious!'

Ahhh!
(Gasping)

Someone took all the tires
off my ride!

How will we get to
the show tonight?!

Uh, maybe Dad can drive us...

Arriving on the red carpet
in Vanzilla?! Ehch!

But it's not just that, Luan!

The dress, the pies,
and now the tires?!

If I didn't know better,

I'd say someone doesn't
want us to do the show!

I think you're right,
and I know who it is!

Mr. Coconuts!

'Huh?!'

(Gasping):
Of course!

Wait, aren't you
Mr. Coconuts?

What?!

Why would you think that?

'Do you know
what she's talking about?'

No, I don't know
what she's talking about.

I'm gonna give you two
a moment alone.

You win, Mr Coconuts!

I know you ruined the dress,
smashed the pies,

and stole the tires!

'But, I... '

No, I get it.
You felt replaced by Lola.

And betrayed by me.
Well don't worry,

Lola and I won't
perform anymore.

I'll cancel the
Chortle Portal show.

Ooof!

Lisa, Todd? What were you two
doing behind the garage?

TODD: Definitely not
burying nuclear waste.

Luan, I overheard
your conversation.

Mr. Coconuts is not the culprit
sabotaging your act with Lola.

He's not?!
Then who is?

Leave the dummy and follow me.

Okay, Lily.
You know the drill!

Da! Eh, eh!

(Spy music)

Whoa!

I saw the sabotage happening,
and I developed a theory.

To test it, I installed
some cameras last night,

and no surprise...
They have proven me correct.

The saboteur is...
you.

(Gasping):
Me?!

Observe.

(Crashing)

(Snoring)

I was sabotaging
my own act in my sleep?!

But, why would I do that?

In a word: guilt.

Ha, ha! Again!

Oh, believe me, I understand.

When I built Todd,
it lessened my time with

Mr. Reinforced Alloy
Titanium Arms.

I felt really bad about that.

I do feel bad
about ditching Mr. C.

Oh, I know. But
it's okay to grow, Luan!

I may work with Todd more now,
but that doesn't mean

I can't still hang
with old Alloy Arms!

Hello, Lisa! Can we bury
nuclear waste together?

Well, Todd and I
just did that, but uh...

You wanna help me
clone Charles later?

Oh, goody!

So, just because
I'm working with Lola

doesn't mean I have to be
done with Mr. Coconuts!

Precisely! Hopefully Lola
and Mr. C. will get along

as well as Mr. Reinforced Alloy
Titanium Arms and Todd do.

We are best buds!

Oh, thanks for all your help,
Lisa! I need to find Lola!

And Mr. Coconuts!

(Laughing)

(Spitting)

(Laughing)

That's our show, folks!

(Laughter and applause)

Give it up for Princess Sassy
Pants and Mr. Coconuts!

(Cheering)

I'm really glad
you're back, Mr. C.

When pageant season starts up, I
won't be available as much so...

You'll be on your own again!

'Aw, you come perform with us
anytime, toots!'

Welp, that really warms
the ol' myocardium!

Looks like Lola and Mr. C.
Are friends! Just like you two.

(Buzzing)
(Crashing)

Gasp. That could have
been the end of Todd.

Oh my. That would've
been a shame.



(Shrieking)

Oh!
(Crashing)

Aw, I'm okay.
Somebody help me find my teeth!

Sorry, Mr. Grouse!

I'll totes help you later!

(Shrieking)

O.M.Gosh, Lori! I'm so excited
to see you this weekend!

Samesies! It'll
be like old times.

Spending the whole day shopping
at the outlet mall.

Did you know everything
is 50% off?!

So if we go twice,
it'll be 100% off!

Huh.

B.T.Dubs, Tanya's coming along.
She's desperate for a new look!

Don't stress out, Tanya! I'll
find someone to drive us there.

You know, Leni...

Maybe it's time you try
to get your licence again?

Mmm. I thought about it,
then it scared me.

So, I stopped thinking about it.
Remember the last time?

Is this the carpool lane?

There is no way I'm going
through that again.

The only thing that scares me
more than driving,

is shoulderpads and perms.

(Cringing)

But don't worry!
I'll find a way to get there.

(Clanging)

Oh, hi hon! I was just testing
out different cowbell mallets.

Which one do you like better?

The 'tink, tink?'

Or the 'tonk, tonk?'

Ooh! I like
the tonk, tonk.

Hey, can you drive me to
the outlet mall Saturday,

so I can see Lori?
I'll buy you new Bermuda shorts!

Oh, that sounds great! The
shorts, and seeing your sister!

D'oh! Aw... I just remembered
the Do-Dads have a gig that day.

We're playing
the grocery store parking lot!

♪ Thanks for shopping
at the Super-Mart! ♪

♪ When you're done,
return your cart! ♪

Maybe Mom can drive ya.

Stroller go zoom!
Lili!

Stop pressing buttons!

(Panting)

(Motor roaring)
Ooh!

Yeah, I'm not going to
touch that. They seem fine.

Latte, espresso,
macchiato, cortado.

Oh! Those rhyme!

Mom, Ah!

Can you drive me to the mall
this weekend? Dad can't...

I'm sorry, sweetie, I can't!
I have to finish a big article

about coffee, coffee, coffee!
And now I gotta pee, pee, pee!

You can't! Lola's taking
one of her four hour baths.

And she's only on hour two.

Mr. Grouse,
I need your bathroom!

Maybe you can take the bus?

All I have to do is take
the 15 to the 220,

hop on the B110...

Hey Leni!

Over here, Lincoln!

What are you two doing?

We're trying to figure out
the bus schedule,

since on one can drive us
to the outlet mall.

Now, if we just
take the 40 to the B Line,

transfer to the 180,
pick up the Gold Line,

take that to the 97,
catch the Silver Line...

We would have to leave...
Ugh! Yesterday?!

Ungh! We're never
gonna make it there!

Y'know, Leni, if you had your
licence you could drive!

Lincoln, I've been through this!
Driving is not an option for me.

I think you just gotta
get your confidence back!

Take Rusty, for example!

He's been trying to do
a cartwheel since second grade!

Ahh!

Ow.

But, he finally did it!

Hnnng-ah!
Rusty smokes!

And you can do it too!

But I already know
how to cartwheel.

I meant getting your licence.

Hmm...

Maybe you're right, Lincoln.
If Rusty can land a cartwheel,

then I can pass driver's ed!

Welcome to the Bolhofner
School of Driving.

Are you ready?

Supes ready!
Strike one!

No one's ever 'supes ready'
for anything.

Now, put on your seat belt!

You can't drive
if you're not alive!

Someone's a grumpy goose
this morning!

(Creaking)

(Nervous laughter)
(Engine starting)

(Tires squealing)

(Groaning)

Hook a right onto the ramp!

But, this is the freeway!

Mr. B., how about a little more
practice on the side streets?

No! Trial by fire! Freeway!
Get in front of that school bus!

Punch it! Here's
your chance! Now!

(Engine revving)

(Honking)
Ahhh!

(Tires squealing)

(Honking and whooshing)

Can I close my eyes
for this part?

Blindfold test comes later!

Keep your peepers open!
Speed up!

(Groaning)

Pedal to the metal!
Go, go, go!

(Tires squealing)

Aaah!
Ahhh!

(Crashing)

Aw, I broke my sunglasses!

Sunglasses?!
You broke my car!

I really appreciate you teaching
me how to drive, Mr. Grouse.

It did not work out
with my previous teacher.

No problem!
Happy to help.

Did ya bring the Lynnsagnas?

(Inhaling deeply)

Mmm.

Okay, first off, it's
hands at 10, and two o'clock.

But there aren't any numbers
on the steering wheel!

I'm just going to
put my hands here.

That's what I meant!
Ah, never mind...

Just pull forward and keep your
eyes moving back and forth.

Left, right. Left, right.
(Car starting)

Left, right...

Left, right...

Left...
(Snoring)

Mr. Grouse! You're supposed
to be helping me!

(Tires squealing)
Aaah!

Driver, watch it!

(Indistinct yelling)
(Crashing)

(Snoring)

Mr. Grouse!
Wake up, wake up!

Ahhh!

(Honking)

Eh! How did we
get here?!

Ooh! Ah, gimme a fish fillet
and fries!

Do you want anything?
(Angry drivers yelling)

(Horn blaring)

Thanks for teaching me to drive!

It's going to be
so nice to have someone

who isn't yell-y or sleepy.

No problemo. I am incapable
of raising my voice.

And I don't require sleep.
Okay, let us start

by learning how to park.

Rotate steering column
45 degrees.

That's 47 degrees.

That's 90 degrees.

(Crashing)
Maybe less gas?

(Crashing)

Uh...
I think that was more gas.

I think you want to...
Please. Stop.

I'll leave a note.
(Groaning)

Lori, I've got terrible news.
Our shopping trip is off!

What?! Why?

I couldn't find a ride, so
I tried to learn how to drive.

But there was lots of
shouting, some sleeping,

and a little crunching.

I'll just see you when
you come home for spring break.

Oh, I'm actually not coming home
for spring break.

I've got too much studying
to catch up on.

I'm sorry, Leni. But hopefully
I'll see you this summer!

This summer?! But I'll be
so old by then!

And you'll be even older!

(Bumping)
Stroller go woo!

I see there are still
some kinks to be worked out

with my self-driving stroller.

(Gasping): Maybe there's a
way I can see Lori after all!

Lisa? Can you tell me more about
this self-driving stroller?

(Beeping)

Oh, Leni Loud!
I remember you.

Let's begin your driver's test.

The freeway is coming up.
Bear right!

Okay. Let's merge into the next
lane, and get on the freeway.

(Honking and whooshing)

Wow, excellent merge.
You've really improved!

O.M.Gosh! Surprised me too!
Uh, I mean, thank you!

Ah...

Congratulations! You're
a fully-licenced driver!

(Squealing):
Thank you, so much!

Ew! That picture's a 'no.'

I'll text you some
you can use instead.

Lori, here I come!

(Beeping)

Self-driving cars are
so amaze! Right, Tonya?

O.M.Gosh! I'm sorry.

I don't know how to make this
thing stop for a potty break.

But, honestly, I did tell you
not to drink all those Flipees.

(Crashing)
Whoa! Oh no!

(Beeping)
Something's wrong!

(Honking)
You're in the wrong lane!

Crazy driver!

(Speed dialling)

Hello?

Lisa, your self-driving thingy
is totally freaking out!

Oh dear. It must be
malfunctioning.

But no need for
excessive perspiration,

and heightened voices.
(Lily laughing)

You do have a licence now.
Just turn it off,

and drive yourself.

But I'm scared!

(Lily laughing)
I wish I could help you more,

but I'm dealing with my own
rather pressing situation.

(Lily laughing)
I know you can do it, sister!

(Beeping)
O.M.Gosh!

(Horn blaring)

Eee!

(Horn blaring)

Okay, you got this, Leni.

(Beeping)

(Honking)

Uh, wow!
We almost really...

(Gasping)
Aaah!

(Tires squealing)

Ahhh!

Uh, uh...

Aaah!

Whoa!

Ungh!

Did you see that, Tonya?!
I'm driving!

♪ Go Leni, go Leni ♪
You're driving!



Ah!

Leni! I am so proud of you!
You did it!

You actually drove here!

I know, I'm proud of me too!

Turns out, I could
do it all along!

I just needed
a little confidence.

It was pretty scary, but totes
worth it for this hug!

And Tanya helped me...
Oh no, I forgot!

Come on Lori, we didn't
stop at any rest stops,

and Tanya really has to pee!

Come on, Tanya.
To the restroom!

♪ Cramped inside this
tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't
the case ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪

♪ Duck and dodge and push
and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that
make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is, ♪
In the Loud House! ♪
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