05x11 - Silence of the Luans/Undercover Mom

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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05x11 - Silence of the Luans/Undercover Mom

Post by bunniefuu »

This program is rated G

and is suitable for
general audiences.

♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like
ping-pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the
bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's gotta do what he
can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove,
it's how we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪

♪ One boy, ten girls, wouldn't
trade it for the world ♪

♪ Loud ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ Loud, Loud House ♪

Poo-poo!

(Footsteps sounding)

You may be wondering why I have
my David Steele squirt blaster

loaded full of gravy.

(Blaster f*ring)
(Barking)

I'm on guard duty.
Today's April Fool's Day.

Yes, April Fool's Day,
a.k.a. a living nightmare

led by a rampaging lunatic
named Luan.

Okay, she doesn't look like
a rampaging lunatic

in her school photo,

but trust me, that changes
on April st.

(Laughing maniacally)

Luan uses this holiday as an
excuse to t*rture our family

with prank after prank.

There was the Great Mustarding
of three years ago.

(Screaming)

Oh, no! It's spicy brown!

The Mass Hairwaxing Disaster.

Oh, I can't even show you
that flashback,

but I can play you
the audio.

(Shaver buzzing)
(Sisters screaming)

And who can forget when
she floated our house

down the Kalamazoo River?

(Kids screaming)

It'll be okay,
it'll be okay, it'll be--

(Shuddering)

But this year, things are
going to be different.

We've taken the most drastic
security measures ever.

(Beeping)

(Buzzing)

(Door clanking)

(Gear whirring)

(Clicking and whooshing)

Lisa created a highly secure
containment cube,

complete with
-tonne blast-proof doors.

No one in the world is
capable of escaping.

In the past, we've tried
trapping Luan the night before,

but it's made no difference.

So, this year,
we locked her in a week ago.

Don't worry.

We gave her a friend
to keep her company.

She's doing fine.

(Raspy voice): Lincoln...

(Yelping)

It's okay, Lincoln,
this is what you trained for.

Do not let her get in your head.

Could you get me--

(Coughing)

(Normal voice) Sorry.
I'm really thirsty.

Can you get me a juice,
or just let me out already?

I told you guys,
I'm done with pranking.

I'm a mature gal, I'm way too
old for childish pranks.

You've been saying that
all week,

and we still
don't believe you.

LYNN SR.:
Someone else wanna go down?

Anybody? Triple dessert
for a week!

(Nervous chuckling)

LOLA:
Not worth it. Get down there!

Lola, no pushing!

(Nervous chuckling)

Hey, Luan,
I have your breakfast.

(Keys clicking)

(Clanking)

(Smacking)
(Yelping)

(Growling)

(Screaming)

Sorry, he just makes it so easy.

Luan's really done a number
on the family,

but this year, Dad can kiss
those worry ulcers goodbye.

April Fools' Day has been
officially neutralized.

(Blaster cocking)

(Smacking)

(Grunting)

Luan! You hard salamied me!

It wasn't me! How could I have
done that from in here?

(Rumbling)
Huh?

Dangit, Luan! Way too old
for childish pranks, huh?

Lincoln, wait! It's not me!
Honest!

(Panting) Oops!

Watch out, Charles!

(Panting)
(Exploding)

(Ears ringing)
(Groaning)

(Grunting)

(Voices distorted)

(Groaning)

(Exploding)

BOTH (distorted):
We've been PB&J-ed.

(Groaning)

(Screaming)

I thought we
locked that lunatic up!

(Coughing) We did!
She's still in the basement!

I was just down there!

Then how is this happening?!

(Crashing)

Do not go in the kitchen.

(Screaming)

Or anywhere near the fireplace.

(Groaning)

(Speaking gibberish)

Your father's right.

Quick, everyone,
to Lisa's bunker.

(Clanking)

LOLA:
Can someone turn on a light?

LISA:
Hold your horses,
I'm looking for the switch.

(Clicking)

(Gasping)

(Indistinct) Retreat.

(Indistinct) Save yourselves.

(Exploding)

(Gasping for air)

(Speaking gibberish)

To the garage!

(Panting)

(Beeping)

(Gasping)

(Screaming)
(Cooing)

(Squawking)

(Blinking)

(Coughing) Luan,
stop this right now!

I keep telling you
I'm retired!

There's another prankster afoot!

(Speaking gibberish)

Your father's right.

She's clearly lying,
let's get out of here.

ALL:
Let's get out of here.

No, that's what the
prankster wants you to do.

I know how they think.

What if Luan's
telling the truth?

Are you kidding me?!

Think about it, those pranks
didn't seem like her style.

What are you talking
about?

We're all covered in gross goo!

Yeah, but Luan hasn't
used fresh whipped cream

since the twins were in diapers.

Usually she uses the spoiled
stuff to draw in raccoons.

Maybe we should let her help us

stop whoever
the real prankster is.

We'll keep your room
untouched as a memorial.

Thanks for believing me,
Lincoln.

Don't make me regret it.

So how do we stop
the real prankster?

I need to examine the pranks
that have been going off

to see if I can tell
whose style they are.

So...

(Deep voice) You have to
let me out of here.

(Coughing) (Normal voice) Sorry,
I'm still waiting on that juice.

(Nervous chuckling)
Uh, let you out?

Oh, I'm sorry, Luan,
I don't know if I can--

Look, I don't want to scare you,

but whoever
the real prankster is,

they're leading up to
a grand finale.

It's April Fool's !

I can't stop that
if I'm in here.

Ugh, fine.
I'll let you out.

But I've got a few conditions.

(Stairs creaking)

(Grunting)

(Groaning) Did you have to use
Lynn's sweatbands

and hockey mask?

They stink!

It was all I could find.

But you're right,
the mask is cruel.

(Screaming)

(Thudding)

(Inhaling sharply) Ooh.

(Door creaking)

Okay, no one went in
the bathroom yet,

so I'm guessing there's some
pranks waiting to go off

in here.

(Deep voice) Perfect.
Unstrap me.

(Coughing) (Normal voice) Sorry,
I'm still waiting on that juice.

Uh, I don't know.

Do you want me to find
the real prankster or not?

Okay, fine.

(Sniffing)

Shoo, Charles,
it's not safe in here.

(Barking)

Hm.

(Gasping) Check this out.

(Flushing)

(Nervous groaning)

Huh?

But...

(Water rushing)

(Splashing)

Whoa--
Shhh!

So, have you figured it out yet?

Nope, whoever set this up,
they're good.

Didn't leave behind
a single clue.

Come on, let's keep looking.

(Screaming)

(Whooshing)

(Sighing) Safe at last.

Who wants to go to
the Burpin' Burger?

ALL:
Me! I do!

Stop. Something's not right.

What? Where?

Look at the couch.

(Slurping)

(Sighing)

What? Charles is just sipping
from a juicebox.

Totally normal.

(Slurping)
Charles.

Come here a moment.

No!

Now.
(Huffing)

(Groaning)

Uh, okay, well I've never seen
Charles do that before.

That's because it's not Charles,
Lincoln.

(Grunting)

It's...

Lily! (Laughing maniacally)

Wait. Lily is the prankster?

Duh.
Wow.

This is all really impressive,
Lily.

The whipped cream,
the toilet rocket.

Luan, focus!

Oh, right. Sorry.

Lily, you've gotta call off your
grand finale right this minute.

No, I don't want to.

(Beeping)
(Groaning)

(Luan gasping)
A dog bone remote?

Well played.

Luan, focus!

Right, right.

Lily, please,
you have to stop!

All right, kids, here we are.

(Tires screeching)

(Phone chiming)

I just got a text from Luan.

Lily is the prankster?

LYNN SR.:
What? But Lily's right here.

And she's such a little cutie.
She's a--

(Screaming)

(Laughing) Watch this!

(Locks clicking)

We're locked in!

(Screaming)

(Tires screeching)

(Screaming)

Oh no, she rigged Vanzilla to
drive around on an endless loop.

Forever.

(Gasping) That's really dark.

Funny, but dark.

Sorry, Lily, but Lincoln and I
are here to shut it down.

(Flatulence sounding)
(Coughing)

(Laughing maniacally)

Hurry! She's getting away!

(Gasping) She's
in the attic!

(Screaming)

Wow, she truly is a
pranking genius!

(Laughing maniacally)

I gotta shut down the console.

Lincoln, distract her.

(Screaming)

(Wailing)

(Screaming)

(Wailing)

(Thudding)

(Munching)
Luan, hurry!

Her little teeth are so sharp!

(Buzzing and clicking)

Whoa! (Thudding)

Dang it.
Should've seen that coming.

(Grunting) Luan, hurry, I can't
hold her off any longer!

(Grunting)

Oh, hey, there's that juice
I've been looking for.

(Slurping)

Luan, come on!

Right, right!

(Squirting)
(Zapping)

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

(Sighing)

(Retching)

(Giggling)

I think I hate cars now.

(Babbling incoherently)

Lily, you're grounded
until you're .

(Splatting)

Make that .

(Slurping) Ugh,
it's onion water.

Actually, that one was me.

(Groaning)

I swear, I really was retired,
but after today,

Lily has reignited my
passion for pranking.

Yes!

Hey wait, Lily,
that's why you did all this?

To get me out of retirement?

Duh.

Oh, thanks. You get me.

Mmmm.

LYNN SR.:
To of them, we somehow
raised two of them. (Sobbing)



(Laughing)

So, how's everything
at school, girls?

Anything fun or interesting
going on lately?

Got nothin' lady.
No.
Nope.

(Sighing)

(Tires screeching)

And don't forget to plant a kiss
right here on your way out.

That's going to be you someday,
Lily,

getting older and more distant
from your dear old mom.

The girls barely let me into
their lives anymore.

(Blowing kisses)

Aw, do you wanna give me a kiss?
Mama, ma, ma, ma

(Giggling)

Muah!

Oh. You know what?
(Nervous chuckling)

I'll take it.

Hm. (Screaming)
(Hissing)

Oh sorry, Rita, I let my
Venus fly trap use your desk.

I'm sorry. Do you work here?

(Chuckling) Oh, it's me Gary.

I've been undercover
the last six months

for that series I'm writing

on the dangerous and seedy
underworld of gardening.

(Gasping) Wow, I didn't even
recognize you.

Nice work on that piece,
by the way.

Thanks.

Going undercover is a great way
to get people to open up.

When they don't know
who you are,

they'll really let you
into their lives.

Let you into their lives, huh?

Thanks, Gary.

(Screaming)

Jesse, I have a great
story idea.

Whoa. Stop the presses, it's
Rita Loud and she's excited.

Picture this, I go undercover
at Royal Woods High

for a hard-hitting story
on teen life.

I can see the headlines now.

'Teen Scene: What's it Mean?'

This could be big, Rita.
Let's do it!

Whoo-hoo! (Laughing)

Thanks, Jesse.

(Shutter clicking)

Uh, hon, don't you think
you should get to class?

You don't wanna be late
on your first day undercover.

Just a sec. I'm building
a social media presence.

(Shutter clicking)

It'll be so cray
if I don't have one.

Speaking of which,
can you go to SwiftyPic

and drop a heart emoji
on my latest post?

You lost me at cray.

Well, Bree-ta, have a nice day.

It's Brita.

(School bell ringing)

(Shutter clicking)

Hey, girl, hey.
Name's Brita.

I'm new here, and
I don't know anyone.

O-M-Gosh. I'm Leni Loud, and you
should totally sit with me.

It must be so hard
being the new girl.

Aw. You're so sweet, Leni.

Oh! Luna!
Come here for a sec!

That's my sister.

Oh, really?
(Laughing nervously)

Meet Brita.
She's new here.

Luna Loud.

Pleasure to make your most
epic acquaintance.

Whoa. No one's ever nailed my
handshake on the first try.

Oh, um, we do it in Hawaii,
where I just moved from,

yesterday. Aloha.

(Honking)
Huh?

(Laughing)

LUNA:
Hey, Luan!

She's our sister.

This is Brita, dude.

Hey there, Brita.
Nice to meat ya.

Ew!

(Laughing)

(Crashing)

I'm on the hunt for
an unsuspecting soul

to whoopee cushion.

Luan, no!

I mean, whoopee cushion?
That's a little wack.

Hm. You're right.

(Flatulence sounding)
(Children laughing)

Food fight it is!

(Grunting)

(Groaning)
(Children gasping)

That's it, Luan!
Food fight!

(Grunting)

(Food splatting)

(Laughing)

Luan, you're in big--

Good call on the food fight,
Brita.

Aw. (Giggling)

So, I got some gos, and spoiler
alert: it's about me.

Ooh, girl! I'm all ears!

See that guy over there?

I totally have a crush on him.

He's got such a cute cowlick.

(Hair popping)

Oh, but like,
keep that to yourself

'cause I haven't
told anyone yet.

Uh, Brita?

Oh. (Giggling awkwardly)



(Guitar string snapping)

(Drumming continues)
(Sighing)

Something on your mind... dude?

I can't concentrate!

My girlfriend Sam and I
got in a tiff over a riff

and now she's miffed.

I don't know what to do.

Tell me everything.

Luan, are you going to
tell me why

you brought me
into this bush?

I wanted to cut you in

on a little secret prank
I'm cooking up.

Wait. You want to do a prank
with me and not on me?

Shh. It's time.

Who are we nailing?

Principal Rivers.

(Beeping)

(Goo splatting)

(Laughing)

Pranks. Yay.

Well, I can officially say that
this has been a rousing success.

You've got your story?

Pfft, I wrote the story in
minutes during a study period.

Ah, so you don't have to
go back again.

Oh, that's so great.

Oh, oh no,
I'm still going back.

Lynn, when I am Brita,
the girls open up to me.

For the first time in years,
I feel close to them

and I'm not ready
to give that up yet.

Oh, I don't know, Rita, I feel
like you're playing with fire.

Don't worry,
I'm being very cautious.

I even got Brita
her own cellphone.

(Ringing)

Shh, it's Leni.

Go for Brita.

Hey girl, hey.
(Leni's voice echoing)

Hey Leni.

Can't talk, Mom.
Can't talk, Mom.

I'm on the phone with
my friend Brita.
(Voice echoing on phone)

Do you guys hear
an echo in here?

..in here?

Nope.
Nope.

Hmm.
Hmm.

See, totally under control.

What's another day?

Uh, Wednesday.
Did I get it right?

(Laughing nervously)

Ready, set, chug!

(Slurping)

Ugh!

(Laughing)

O-M-Gosh, normally this would be
so embarrassing

but I just feel so comfortable
around you, Brita.

Yeah, it feels like we've
known each other forever.

Oh, I feel the same way.

Besties!

(Shutter clicking)

And posted.

So, Britta, we were talking.

We wanna have you over
for dinner tonight.

(Spitting)

Sorry, dinner? At your house?
Tonight?

That's right, brah.
Let's roll?

Welcome to the Loud house.

Oh, wow.

(Splatting)
(Gasping)

(Splatting)

Lena, what are you doing?

Don't freak, I'll have it
cleaned up before Mom gets home.

(Growling)
(Laughing)

Oh, and that's our dad.
(Whistling)

Hey girls,
I didn't hear you come--

(Screaming)
(Splatting)

(All gasping)

Not cool, Dad!

This is our friend Britta!

Oh, sorry, Britta.

Got some in your ponytail, dude.
(Groaning)

(Screaming and thudding)

I'm okay, it's all good.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Loud.

So, you're Brita,
that's who you are.

I mean, who else would you be?

Well, this has been great.
Goodbye!

Actually,
she's staying for dinner.

And stop being so weird.

Get it together, Lynn.

He was a real fun guy.
(Giggling nervously)

(Gasping)

(Whimpering)

(Gasping)

He must really like you.

He only does that to my mom.

Hey, where is mom anyway?

Uh, she's in the garage, yeah.
Should be here any minute.

I, uh, need to use the bathroom.

Here you go, Miss Lun-ahhh!

Gross!

Hi all, sorry I'm late,

I was whittling a life-sized
family sculpture.

That's weird.

Hm, she's been in the can
for a while.

I should go check on her.

No, never rush someone's
bathroom routine.

Better go wash up. BRB.

(Panting)

LILY:
Mama!
Shh.

Mama! Ma!

(Laughing nervously)

(Barking)

Uh, down, Charles.

Charles, no!

(Gasping)

Okay, I know this looks bad,
but I can explain.

Wait, Mom, why are you
dressed like Brita?

No, Leni, Mom is Brita.

You tricked us.

I confided in you about Sam.

I cut you in on my secret prank.

And I told you about
my cowlick-y crush.

Oh, girls, I just wanted to--

We don't wanna hear it.

Let's go.

Girls, I--

(Sighing)

I made you tea
and duck l'orange,

I wasn't sure which would
make you feel better.

Thanks, hon,
but I'm doing okay.

I thought you already
finished your article.

Oh, I'm scrapping that version.

I think I found
a new take on it.

Sorry, I'm late, Jesse.

I was up all night but I have
the article right here.

Hm, what's this?

I know it's not the article
you were expecting,

but it's the one
I needed to write.

(Music playing loudly
on headphones)

RITA:
"I was supposed to go to
Royal Woods High

"in search of a story
on teenage life,

"but what I really was in
search of was connection.

"As a mom of three
high school girls,

"it's sometimes tough to accept
that your kids are growing up.

"This story gave me an excuse
to stay in their lives

"just a little bit longer.

"But it wasn't fair to them.

"What I learned in my time
at Royal Woods High

"was that as parents we need to
let our kids grow up

"and become independent.

"Trusting that they'll come to
us when they need to."

ALL:
Did you guys read this?

(Door rattling)
(Gasping)

ALL:
Mom!

I'm so sorry, girls.

I never should've
violated your trust.

We totes get why you did it.

And we did have a great time
hanging out with you.

How about we do a hang sesh
once a month

just the four of us?

We should start right now.

Really? I'd love that.

But let me go freshen up
really quick,

it's been a crazy day.

Mom, no!

(Splatting)

(All groaning)

Sorry, I planned that
before I read the article.

I'm going to let this one slide.

♪ May sound bad but ain't
tthe case ♪♪

♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪

♪ Duck and dodge and push
and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud House ♪
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