02x14 - The Jakey Express / Martha Sled Dog

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

(toy horn squeaks)

Oh, hello.

Welcome to the show.

Today, we'll be delivering words
about transportation

and schedules--

words like "vehicle" and "sled,"
"early" and "late,"

"accelerate" and...

"brake"!

(sighs in relief)

Good job, Jakey!

What, you thought I was
really driving?

I'm a dog.

Watch the show,
while we figure out

how to turn this vehicle around.

(horns honking)

Dad, don't you know
any shortcuts?

DAD:
I do, honey, but I
can't get to them.

This traffic
isn't moving.

Since when does Wagstaff City
have traffic jams?

It's because of the snow.

TD:
We're going be late.

We're going to be late.

We're going to be late.

Stop saying that.

I can't.

We're going to be late.

I'm always late.

I've never been on time
for anything in my life.

Your big mistake was
probably giving me a ride

in the first place.

(groans)

I know!

We finally get to play
the Fearsome Falcons

and we forfeit
the game.

Relax, you're not
going to forfeit.

I am an expert
at deliveries.

I'll get you
there on schedule.

What's a
schedule?

Is it another
kind of car?

No. A schedule is a list
of things you're going to do

at a certain time.

If you're on schedule,

it means you did something
or got somewhere

right when you
were supposed to.

So what makes
you an expert?

Must be because he drives
a bus for a living.

Nope.

Because you know a
super-secret shortcut

no one else knows about?

Nope.

Because this car transforms
into a helicopter

and can fly over traffic?

Yep.

Really?

Dad...

Yep, here goes.

Hang on, everybody!

DAD:
Hmm, guess I forgot to get the
transformer serviced.

Dad...

You never think you'll need it,
but then when you do...

Dang!

Dad!
What, sweetie?

BOTH:
Why are you an expert
on deliveries?

Ah, good question!

It just so happens that I'm
an expert with deliveries

because of Jake.

Ah!
What?

I learned about all
kinds of transportation

on the day he was born.

(sighing):
I remember it like it was
yesterday.

This happened before
Martha could speak.

Right, Martha?

Just because I couldn't speak

doesn't mean I don't remember.

TD was at his uncle's farm.

Helen had been visiting.

That's right.

See you later!

Bye!

Thanks for
coming!

(Martha barks)

(laughs)

So I guess this means
you missed me, huh?

(barks)

Are you sure it's okay for you
to be this far from home?

Uh-huh.

I'm not scheduled to deliver
for another two weeks.

Deliver?

Are we bringing
something to someone?

(laughter)

Well, yes.

Deliver does mean you
bring something to people,

like the postman
delivers the mail

or the pizza boy
delivers pizza.

But it can mean
something else, too.

You know how we talked
about something special

that's going to
happen to your mom?

I know, she's having a baby.

I just didn't know the word
"deliver" meant have a baby.

Oh, uh, yeah,
it does.

But hoy, no, I'm not
doing that today.

The only delivery I'm making
is bringing you back home.

Even if the baby showed up
early, tenemos transporte--

we've got transportation--

we could still get to
the hospital on time.

(loud pop, gasping)

BOTH:
Uh-oh.

I'll have this
changed in a jiffy.

Uh, where's the spare?

Yay!

Is that really
a good idea?

Why not?

It'll make
a great sled.

Huh.

Okay, so I forgot to put
the spare tire back.

But don't worry,
I'll think of something.

(gasps)

Uh-oh.

Remember what I said about
our little delivery

not being due yet?

Mmm-hmm.

I think it may be
arriving early.

Oh! Oh! Oh no!

(barks)

Martha, shh!

Martha, quiet!

I'm trying to think.

(whimpers)

(yips)

Ah, you think Dad should
flag someone down.

(loudly):
Dad, I think maybe Martha's
trying to say...

Just a second, sweetie,
I'm trying to think.

But maybe
you should...

Wait a second,
I've got it!

I'll flag someone down.

How can I flag someone down
when there's no one in sight?

Why don't you use this?

(panicked gasps)

I meant to call
a tow truck.

Oh! Yes! Tow truck!
Good thinking!

Only there's no signal.

Now what are we going to do?

(barks)

(everyone yelling at Martha)

(relieved sighs)

Muchas gracias!

It's so nice of you
to give us a lift.

Ooh!

Mom, are you okay?

Oh, yes.

Estoy muy bien.

Nice and toasty.

DAD:
That was very bad, Martha!

Running in the road
is very, very dangerous.

(whines)

At least one good thing
came out of it--

we got a lift
to Wagstaff City.

(brakes squeal, horns honk)

Oh!

The radio says there's
a two-hour delay

because of all the snow.

Highway's backed up all
the way to Wagstaff City.

What about
the backroads?

They're closed
because of ice.

Ugh!

Ooh, they're
coming faster.

I don't think we're going to
make it to the hospital on time.

You just had to come early,
didn't you?

(barks)

Martha!

Where are you going?

Come back!

(barks)

Is that a garbage barge?

(sighs)

Martha! Now is no time to be
looking for garbage!

(barks)

DAD:
Stop that barge!

Stop! Stop!

Thanks for the lift.

I don't know what we
would've done without you.

DAD (shivering):
I can't believe you,

chasing after garbage
at a time like this.

(whimpers)

Well, at least we got another
lift to Wagstaff City.

(sneezes)

Ugh!

P.U.!

Oh no, Martha, I'm...

(sighs)

Fine.

Thanks.

Thanks for the lift.

I don't usually get to haul
such beautiful cargo.

Look! A taxi!

Maybe she can take us
to the hospital.

Whoa!

Ow.

Hey! Wait!

(barks)

Martha!

TAXI DRIVER:
You talkin' to me?

What?

She says her cab won't make it

over the hill to the hospital.

The roads are too icy.

She wouldn't
even try?

Uh, well, there
was another problem.

She said Martha and I were too
stinky to ride in her cab.

But there's a funicular
around the corner.

The driver said she thinks
it's still running.

Come here honey,
I'll help you.

(holding nose):
Oh no, I'm uncomfortable
enough as it is.

(sniffing):
I must be getting used
to this garbage smell.

What's a funicular?

A funicular is like
a train or trolley car

that goes up a
really steep hill.

Like that.

DAD (laughing):
I love funiculars.

* Funiculee, funicular,
funiculee, funicula *

Ooh!

Oh, hold on.

We're almost there.

This way, this way.

The hospital is only two blocks
downhill from the funicular.

Ooh.

Another contraction?

Yes.

(breathes rapidly)

A big one?
Uh-huh.

We need more
transportation.

What's transportation?

I'll help find some.

It's a way
to get somewhere,

like a car or a boat
or a plane or a...

(bicycle bell chimes)
!
Bike!

Hey!

Hey, kid!

(loud music playing
on headphones)

No, no, Martha,
don't scare him!

(barks)

That was amazing.

It's almost like she was
flagging him down for us.

Hey, kid,

I need to borrow
your bike.

I've got a delivery.

I've got a delivery, too,
and mine can't wait.

(Mom breathes rapidly)

Just keep
breathing, honey.

(imitates breathing):
Hoo hoo ha!
Hoo hoo ha!

Hop in.

I'm never going
to fit in there.

Nine months ago,
maybe, but not now.

Martha!
!
(barks)

Wait, maybe she's found
another means of transportation.

(barks)

That is one good dog.

Hey! Hey, kids!

We need to borrow
your sled.

Maybe we should
just walk.

No, honey, not in
your condition.

This will work.

Trust me.

See? Nothing to it.

Danny?
Danny?

Danny!

Mariella!

(barks)

Ahh!

Ahh!
!
(barks)

(everyone cheers)

HELEN:
Way to go, Martha!

Right on time.

Of course, I didn't know it
at the time,

but the real transportation
expert was Martha.

Yeah.

You flagged all
those people down,

and got us all
those lifts.

Well, if you've got it,
you've got it.

That is one
incredible story.

And I am one
incredible driver.

HELEN:
Dad! You did it!

You got us here on time!

Uh-huh, two minutes early
by my watch.

TD:
Hey, if we get stuck
in traffic on the way home,

will you us tell that story
again?

(laughing):
You bet.

Hey, kids,
you forgot your bags!

(sighs)

(grunts)

I guess I need to do
another delivery.

Hey, check out this song!

(doo-wop music plays)

MAN:
* Sometimes we're early
so we have to wait *

* Sometimes we miss it
'cause we're running late *

* Sometimes we're right
on time-- got a date *

* We're on schedule

* When there's important stuff
that I gotta do *

* Or when I'm going somewhere
special with you *

* I want to do it
right when I'm supposed to *

* We're on schedule

* Let's be on time today

* Let's go with no delay

* We're on schedule.

(song ends)

WOMAN ON TV:
* Possum on a Stick,
Possum on a Stick *

* Run right out
and get yours quick. *

I think I'll name mine Nick.

Ick!

* Possum on a Stick,
Possum on a Stick *

* That crazy wacky
Possum on a Stick. *

That has got to be
the worst toy ever.

Whose lame-brained idea
was that?

Possum on a Stick!

Whoa!
(chittering)

Whose lame-brained
idea was this?

Well, yours, Otis.

(grunting)

(boxes crashing)

Ohh!

How much money
is in the till?

I'll check.

We're down to our last quarter.

(yells)

(chittering)

Strike that.

We're broke.

We need another
moneymaking scheme.

What brilliant ideas do we
have on the drawing board?

Hmm...

(chuckling)

Uh, nothing.

(growling)

Now, now, Otis.

Don't be angry.

I know where we can
get some money.

(grunting)

Eureka!

(grunting)

Two cents?!

Every little bit helps.

(snap)

HELEN:
One yogurt sundae, please.

(sniffs)

Finished.

You were really obsessed
with that book.

You never put it down.

I couldn't.

It was too exciting.

You'd like this book, too.

Really?
What is it about?

It's a true story
about a dog.

Wow. Fascinating.

Tell me more.

His name was Balto.

TRUMAN:
It was winter,

and a bunch of people in Alaska
got really sick.

They needed serum fast.

MARTHA:
Serum?

What's serum?

Sounds like syrup.

Mmm...

Serum is a kind
of medicine.

They give it to you
in a sh*t.

Ick.

I'll take my pancakes without.

(whimpers)

Anyway,

they needed this serum,

but the delivery airplane's
engine was frozen,

so it couldn't fly.

They had to deliver
the serum by sled.

Weeeeeeee!

TRUMAN:
Only it wasn't the
kind of sled
kids play with.

Huh?

TRUMAN:
It was a dogsled.

(barks)
Weeee!

TRUMAN:
No, no, no!

A dogsled is a sled that's
hauled or pulled by dogs.

People in places like Alaska

use sleds to travel
over snow and ice.

Oh...

TRUMAN:
Balto was a sled dog.

No one thought Balto
was any good.

But when the sled got caught
in a deadly blizzard,

Balto was the only dog able
to stay on the trail.

(dogs barking excitedly)

(barking)

TRUMAN:
Balto hauled the serum,
and the people were saved.

(everyone cheers)

Wow.

I wish I could be a sled dog.

That's my dream job.

That's what you said
about being a firehouse dog.

And being an agility dog.

(barks)

What can I say?

I'm a dog of many dreams.

Let's move to Alaska.

You steer the sled
and I'll haul it!

You can come, too, Truman.

Alaska's perfect for you.

There are probably no bugs
because it's so cold.

Alaska is loaded with bugs.

Really?
How do you know?

I looked it up.

There's an article called

"How to Survive a Ferocious
Swarm of Mosquitoes."

I'm never going to Alaska.

I don't like mosquitoes,
either.

Neither do I.

Rats.

I sure would have liked
to be a sled dog.

(gasping):
That's it!

That's how we'll catch
that cur.

How?

Quiet, you nincompoop!

I'm thinking up an evil plan--

a plan for catching a sled dog.

(laughs evilly)

(stifling a laugh)

Well?

I got nothin'.

What's your plan?

Uh, in keeping
with the Alaskan theme,

I've created three sled-dog-
catching possibilities.

First, the finish-line tape.

The sled dog glides through
the finish line and...

Presto! Hoisted hound.

Next.

PABLUM:
Woof, woof, woof!

You put this medal
on the sled dog and...

it sh**t out
a sleeping gas.

Uh, Otis?

(snoring)

Oh, dear.

(growling)

I do have one
last invention.

I haven't quite worked out
all the kinks yet, but...

(chittering)

A sled?

This is your big invention?

With this remote control
you can steer, accelerate, brake

and make the sled transform
into different vehicles.

Different vehicles?

Yes.

A vehicle is a thing that takes
you from place to place.

A sled, a car, a boat, a...

I know what "vehicle" means,
you nitwit!

What vehicle does it
transform into?

Oh. Well...

A wagon...

(beeps)

(engine starts)

A go-cart...

A raft...

Or a helicopter.

(laughs weakly)

Sort of.

Ooh!

That one! That one!

Let's use that.

I bet I could deliver serum
even faster than Balto.

I'd lead the team and sing
inspirational songs

to keep them going.

HELEN:
We'll never get the serum

through this blizzard.

Hitch me to the lead!

I'll haul that serum there
in no time.

But Martha!

Uh-uh.

Malto!

Sorry?

I'm Malto,

on account of I'm
an Alaskan dog now.

Oh. Right.

You can be Halto.

Okay.

You were saying, Halto?

Oh right. Malto?

How can you deliver the serum?

You can't see your hand
in front of your face.

That's okay.

I don't have hands;
I have paws.

I can still see them okay.

Whoa!

No.

"Can't see your hand in front
of your face" is an expression.

It just means
you can't see very far.

Doesn't matter.

I don't need
to see the trail.

I'll sniff it out.

Hitch me up and
let's get a-goin'.

Come on, team!

Let's make tracks.

(dogs all barking)

HELEN:
* Keep running, doggies

* Put on the speed

* We've got the medicine
the people need! *

Mush! Mush!

Doggies!

HELEN:
Martha?

Martha, we're going
to the park.

You're sure you don't want
to come with us?

Are you
delivering serum?

No.

Then I'm staying put.

You know, the chances

of anyone in Wagstaff City
needing a serum delivery

are really slim.

You are way too skeptical
for a person your age.

(sighs)

Okay.

See ya!

(sighs)

If only someone needed
a serum delivery.

(knocking at door)

We need a serum delivery.

Do you know where we
could find a sled dog?

Do I?!

You stay here, Skits.

I'm going to deliver serum.

(panting excitedly)

Okay, I'm ready!

Where's the sled?

Hitch me up!

Right over there.

Hmm?

That doesn't look like
the sled in the book.

That was a snow sled.

This sled is built to glide
on dry land.

Oh. Okay.

Let's get hitched.

Hmm?

(whimpering)

(Martha groaning)

I thought you said
this thing glides.

(softly):
Transform into a wagon.

(beeps)

What did you say?

I said, who put
this bag on?

(Skits barking)

Try now.

(creaking, Martha groaning)

Oh, much better.

(softly):
Now, accelerate and steer us
into that van.

Accelerate?
You mean go faster?

Exactly.

Run faster, sled dog!

I don't want the dog
to accelerate!

I want the vehicle
to accelerate.

Start the engine.

(beeps)

(engine coughs)

(sputtering)

(coughing)

Excuse me. Bad cough.

(Skits barking)

Hey! I'm really getting
the hang of this.

Look at me glide!

Whoa!

This isn't how
it's supposed to work.

(gasps)

You guys again!

Quick!
Steer us into the van!

(beeps)

Whoa!

Good catch, Skits.

Now stop this crazy thing!

(barking)

(tires squeal)

(Skits barking)

(beeps)

MARTHA:
Help!

(horns honk)

(steam hissing)

What did I miss?

(yelling)

(gasps)

Skits! Find the brakes!

Find the brakes!

(beeps)

(beeps)

Oh, no! Not the lake!

What's wrong with that?

It's probably the only way to
put the brakes on this thing.

We can't swim!
We can't swim!

(beeps)

We're saved!

(yelling)

This is where I get off!

Thanks, Salto.

(barks questioningly)

That's your Alaskan name.

You may not be
a sled dog like me,

but you're definitely
a hero.

(yelling)

Those guys never learn.

So what did you guys do today?

We made
a serum delivery.

(snorts and coughs)

Yeah, right.

No, really.

Well, it wasn't really
a serum delivery,

it was just those guys
trying to dognap me again.

(barks)

They had this sled thing

that transformed
into different vehicles, and...

What do you mean, transformed?

Oh, transformed?

It changed
into something else.

Like caterpillars transform
into butterflies.

This sled transformed
into a raft.

But it popped.

I swam away and left them
floating in Dog Head Lake.

Oh, Martha.

You tell the best stories.

It's not a story; it's true!

HELEN:
Uh-huh.

MARTHA:
No fooling.

HELEN:
Right.

(possum chittering)

Ooh!

(growls)

Hello there.

Did you catch
all of today's words?

Let's glide past
some of them again.

A schedule is
a list of things

you're going to do
at a certain time.

What's transportation?

I'll help find some.

It's a way
to get somewhere,

like a car or a boat
or a plane or a...

PABLUM:
A vehicle is a thing that takes
you from place to place--

a sled, a car,
a boat, a...

Accelerate?
You mean go faster?

See you next time.
(giggling)

To dig up some more fun words
* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Cameo.

Come on, Cam.

My name is Mark.

Cameo is an agility dog.

An agility course is made
for training.

Cameo is good at agility

because she's very, very, very,
very, very intelligent.

I think I should show you
how good she is.

Let's have some fun.

*

At Canine University, my mom
helps people train their dogs.

I suggest that you go there.

(laughs)

This sequence
is jump, tip it.

Okay.

Jump!

Tip it!

She is very, very, very,
very, very, very, very,

very, very, very wonderful.

* She's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *