02x20 - The Opera Contest / Maestro Martha

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

Hi! Please welcome our
conductor, Maestro Bandolsky.

Hello, Martha.

Do I call you
maestro or maestra?

I like maestro, but you
can just call me Jane.

Maestro Jane will now conduct

the Martha Speaks
Vocal Orchestra

while I introduce the show.

(singing the
William Tell Overture)

MARTHA:
Today's words are all
about music.

Words like "symphony,"
"orchestra," "opera."

(syncopated humming)

So listen for the music words

and we'll see you
at the end of the show.

Hey, you guys,
great news!

ALL:
What is it? What?

It's a contest.

All you have to do is think up
a two-minute opera

and then do it on stage.

There's a prize.

What's an opera?
An opera is...

you know, like this:

(singing
"Ride of the Valkyries")

Oh, one of those
singy things.

An opera is
like a play,

only they sing
instead of talk.

Yeah, and the opera company
is having a contest

to get kids interested.

Our opera could be
something really exciting.

Like what?

Well, I have an idea.

I call it The Times Tables.

The Times Tables?

You mean like six
times eight is...

Like two times two
is four, you mean?

Precisely!

So let me get
this straight--

it's not only boring,
but it's educational, too?

But it wouldn't
be boring.

It would be thrilling.

TRUMAN:
It's about a scientist that
creates a great invention:

The times two machine!

* The times two machine

TRUMAN:
The machine takes anything
and makes two of it.

The scientist tests it
on a sandwich.

* The times two machine

TRUMAN:
The scientist doesn't know
what to use it on

until he looks in the mirror.

* You! Times two!

TRUMAN:
So the scientist puts himself
into the machine.

* The times two machine

TRUMAN:
The two scientists both get
into the machine

and out come four scientists.

* The times two machine

TRUMAN:
They all get into the machine.

Soon the whole stage is filled
with scientists.

* The times two machine

Wow. How does it end?

Oh, happily.

But wait.

Who are you going to get to play
the other Trumans?

Hmm, I guess I never thought
about that.

I've got an idea for an opera.

You do? What is it?

Well, it doesn't take place in a
theater; it's in a hockey rink.

ALICE:
There's organ music...

(organ plays)

And when I score a goal,
I sing...

(horn sounds)
Goal!

That doesn't
sound like opera.

That sounds like hockey.

I just think opera
would be better

with less singing
and more skating.

I have one.

What is it?
I drew it.

It starts with a bank robbery.

(security alarm ringing)

(evil laughter)

* A robbery on Main Street

* A robbery on
Main Street *

* A robbery on Main Street

* He's getting away!

TD:
They chase after him,
but it's no good.

They need help.

(panting)

When trouble strikes, there's
only one person to call.

Well, actually four--

The Quartet.

* Hello

* Hello

* Hello

* Hello

TD:
A quartet is four people,

and this quartet happens
to be a cr*ck team

of crime-fighting
opera singers.

There's a guy
with a magic flute...

...a statue...

...a crying clown...

(sobs)

...and Brunhilde.

(high-pitched singing)

She's a soprano.

Does "soprano" mean big?

No, a soprano is a singer
with a high voice.

(high-pitched):
Like this.

* Soprano!

(high-pitched):
* Soprano!

(high-pitched):
* Soprano!

Ugh.

What's the lowest one?

The bass is
the lowest voice.

(low-pitched):
Like this.

Bass.

(low-pitched):
* Bass

(low-pitched):
* Bass

ALL:
* Bass

So what happens next?

Well...

The crook starts speeding away
with the money.

(laughs evilly)

The quartet snaps into action.

Brunhilde uses her supersonic
triple high C

to stop the crook.

(sings high-pitched note)

The note is so high, it
disintegrates the motorcycle.

The guy with the magic flute
hypnotizes the crook

with his music.

Then the statue nabs him

and the crying clown cries.

(crying)

Good work,
quartet!

TD:
Then, suddenly,
there's a dragon...

...and our plucky quartet
of heroes fall into a trap.

(screaming)

ALICE:
TD...

TD:
Then the walls
start closing in.

ALICE:
TD!

What?

We can't do that.

We can't?

No.

Especially not
in two minutes.

I think Alice is saying

we should maybe do something
that we can actually accomplish.

Accomplish?

What does
"accomplish" mean?

Accomplish
means finish.

When you accomplish something

that means you actually
complete it.

Well, no wonder I didn't know
what it meant.

TRUMAN:
I think people want an
opera that's educational.

No, they
don't.

They want action.

Mine has a stage
filled with action.

(all arguing at once)

HELEN:
Quiet!

There's only one
way to decide.

Let's put it to a vote.

Crumb Feathers?

TD:
Crime Fighters.

That's mine.

All right!
Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Well, that's
all the votes.

We have one
for Truman's,

one for TD's,

and one for mine...

...and one abstain.

I couldn't decide.
I like them all.

It's up to you, Martha.

Yeah, we need someone
who's not biased to decide.

But Helen's right.

They're all good.

I can't choose one I like best
to vote for.

I guess I'll just abstain, too.

We need to pick one.

Which one makes the best story?

Which one is the most
educational?

Which one has a dragon?

But they're all so good.

How can I...

HELEN:
Wait a minute,

I know!

You picked one?
Which one?

(Truman, Helen, and TD talking
over each other)

None of them.

ALL:
Huh?

I mean, I just thought of
a great idea for an opera...

Martha!

Me?

Hey, you're
right!

It's perfect!

Why didn't I
think of that?

We can do an opera about
how you learned to speak.

Bow wow!

* La la la

Too low.

I'm a tenor,
not a bass.

Here, put your
costume on.

(Martha sighs)

What rhymes with bag?
Nothing rhymes with bag.

How about flag?

No flags. I'm not changing
the props now.

How about bag?

Bag rhymes with bag.

TD:
Can we get
another bag?

No more props!

TRUMAN:
Hurry! Hurry!
We're going to be late.

Where's TD's costume?

I got it!

That's it for the props.

Let's go!

(jaunty piano music)

(applause)

Wonderful.

And very educational.

Now, next we have a mini-opera
called Martha Speaks.

Are the Martha Speaks
people here?

Apúrate!

Hurry, go to the stage,
you're late!

The Martha people?
Are you here?

We're here!
We're here!

Then, ladies and gentlemen,

I give you Martha Speaks,
the opera.

(clears throat)

Scene one: Martha eats
alphabet soup.

( Carmen overture plays )

* This soup tastes great

* What did you say?

* The soup tastes
especially good to... hey! *

* Did I just speak?

* Yes, you just spoke

* Hey, I can speak,
and that's no joke *

* She ate the soup

* And now she speaks

* I won't stop speaking
for weeks and weeks *

* Warm up the soup
and shout "Olé!" *

* 'Cause I have got
some things to say. *

Scene two: Martha won't
stop talking.

("Largo al factotum" from
Barber of Seville plays)

* Jabber and talk a lot
jabber and talk a lot *

* I like to jabber and jabber
and talk a lot *

* Do you remember when I was
a puppy and you took me home *

* And then I ate your shoe?

* Mama said blah-blah-blah
I met a dog today *

* Blah blah blah, blah blah blah
you know what people say *

* If you're all done with that
I'd like to try it *

* Blah blah blah
blah blah blah *

Martha, be quiet!

Sometimes I wish you'd
never learned to speak.

Scene three: Martha feels bad.

("Voi che sapete" from
The Marriage of Figaro plays)

* Martha, I'm sorry
I was mean to you *

* Why don't you have some soup

* Stop being blue

* Maybe we should
let her be *

* Let's go see a movie.

Scene four: The cat burglar.

("Toreador song"
from Carmen plays)

* I am a burglar

* I am here for swag

* I will take your stuff
and put it in my bag. *

Martha tries to call the police,

but since she hasn't eaten her
soup, she can only bark.

(barks quietly)

* I've got the silver now...

Oh, dang, a dog.

(barks)

You know what I do
to guard dogs?

(whimpers)

I give them something to eat.

(laughs)

Scene five: The family returns.

("Habanera" from Carmen plays)

* Now this is strange,
what's going on? *

* Why are these cars all parked
upon our lawn? *

* We caught this guy

* The cat burglar

* We got a call
from your neighbor *

* From our neighbor?

* That's right, let's see

* It seems that
Martha is her name *

* Oh, gee!

* Warm up the soup
and shout "Olé!" *

* 'Cause Martha
saved the day! *

* Olé! *

(applause)

(Skits barks)

Well, that was quite
an accomplishment.

You guys,

great news!

We won! We won!

(cheering)

What did we win?
What did we win?

Season tickets to the opera.

Oh.

(everyone laughs)

ALL:
Olé!

Hey, check out this song!

* Herman played percussion

* He liked to wail away

* Percussion was great,
but poor Herman's fate *

* He didn't know when to play

* Didn't know when to play

* When the music was soft,
Herman went crazy *

* And when it was loud,
Herman was lazy *

* A dilemma needless to say

* Then the conductor came
to save the day *

* He waved his arms and finally
Herman knew when to play *

(plays "A Shave and a Haircut")

* Percussion, conductor--
hooray! *

Yay!

(trumpet making pinched,
tuneless screech)

I don't think
this is going to work.

(lips buzzing):
Trumpets just weren't
made for dog lips.

Ah, I've been wondering

where my trumpet went.

Martha's looking for
an instrument to play

in the
community orchestra.

Yeah.

I know an orchestra is usually

a big group of people who play
music together,

but there's nothing that says
a dog can't join in.

I wish you could play
in the orchestra,

but I don't know of any
instruments for dogs--

especially not my trumpet.

I've got to go clean this

so I can practice
for Friday's concert.

There has to be a way
I can join the orchestra.

What about an instrument
that doesn't need lips?

I've got an idea!

(banging notes)

I guess you need fingers
to play the keyboard

if you want to play
more than one note at a time.

(moans)

(playing florid
classical music)

Pablum!

Pablum!

Why aren't you thinking up
an evil scheme

to make back the money we lost
in our last evil scheme?

But I do have a scheme, Otis.

I've discovered the sheet music

for Anton Rothbart's
Grefrorener Akkord Symphony!

A symphony?

Isn't a symphony just
a really long piece of music

that an orchestra plays?

Mm-hmm.

And what does this symphony
have to do

with an evil scheme?

Allow me
to demonstrate.

(continues playing
classical piece)

This is ridiculous!

I can't...

(last note pings)

(laughing)

It works! It works!

(gong booms)

What happened?

The Gefrorener
Akkord Symphony

freezes anyone who hears it.

When it was first performed,

the audience couldn't move
for three days.

Perfect-- we can use it
to freeze that talking dog.

Actually, it only works
on humans.

But look.

The community orchestra

is having a benefit concert
this Friday.

Imagine all those people

wearing lots of jewels!

How does that sound?

Pablum, that's music
to my ears.

(trumpet playing)

(playing off pitch)

(sighs in frustration)

I just can't seem
to get this solo

I'm supposed to play
in tomorrow's concert.

The concert's tomorrow?

That means I only have
a day left to find

an instrument to play.

(continues practicing)

(squeaking airily)

(xylophone dings)

(trumpet playing
getting better)

(violin strings scraping
and squeaking)

Maybe if it didn't have
so many strings.

That's what makes the violin
a string instrument.

Well, I guess dogs can't play
string instruments either.

Are you ready to go
to the concert?

It looks like I'll never play
in the orchestra.

I've tried every kind
of instrument,

from the ones you blow into
to the ones with strings.

Why don't you come
to the concert.

Maybe you'll see an instrument
that you could play.

Oh, I guess it's worth a sh*t.

(Helen gasps)

Mr. Stern?
You're an usher?

Man does not live
by janitorial duties alone.

Besides, I'm a serious
music fan.

MARTHA:
Me too.

Sorry about all the
"no dogs allowed" stuff.

But school is school.

Aw, that's okay.

I understand.
See you later.

No dogs allowed!

Hey!

Sorry. Rules are rules.

Well, if Martha can't listen
to the concert,

then I don't want to either.

She can listen.

She just can't go in.

Huh?
Hmm?

There's a window
round the side

where you can listen.

Can even see the conductor
from there.

Conductor?

The conductor is the person
who leads the orchestra.

She tells the musicians when
to play their instruments

and how the music should sound.

Like how loud or how soft.

Oh. You mean the person
who waves the stick around

but never throws it?

Yup.

I find that
very frustrating.

That way.

All right.

Sorry, Martha.

We'll meet up with you
after the show.

(orchestra tuning up)

Hmm. It's not like Maestro
Bandolsky to be late.

Oh well.

At least I'll be able to hear.

That van looks familiar.

It's that sneaky Weaselgraft
and Pablum's van!

Huh-- I guess they like
classical music.

BANDOLSKY:
Help! Somebody help!

Sizzlin' symphonies!

It's the conductor!

Help! I'm frozen!

(audience murmuring restlessly)

I hope we don't have to cancel
the concert

after I finally got
my trumpet solo down.

(man clears throat)

That's not
Maestro Bandolsky.

Hello.

(in fake German accent):
I am Lugner Von Schwindler

and I will be
your substitute conductor.

What is this?

This is sheet music
for the new piece.

But Maestro, we haven't
rehearsed.

No rehearse.
Just play!

The Gefrorener...

...Akkord Symphony.

If the orchestra plays
the final note of the symphony,

everyone in the audience
will be frozen for three days!

But how come you're
only half-frozen?

The answer to that is
very complicated.

You'd have to understand
music theory

and the science of acoustics.

You were only
half listening.

Mmm... right.

Don't worry.

I'll go warn everybody!

But first
could you unfreeze me?!

I already told you,
no dogs allowed.

Yeah, but Weaselgraft
and Pablum

are going to freeze everyone

with the Foreigner Gourd
Symphony and...

Sorry.
Rules are rules.

(audience murmuring)

(orchestra begins playing)

Is he trying to conduct
the orchestra?

How are we supposed to know
what he wants us to do?

If dogs aren't allowed, then
why is there a cat in row ?

There are no cats allowed
either!

Stay here.

(orchestra playing)

Hah!

That's my shawl.

MARTHA:
Stop!

This conductor is an impostor.

In fact, he's none other
than Otis Weaselgraft!

(everyone gasps)

Yes, yes, the talking dog
is right.

I apologize
for misleading everyone,

but I've given up
my life of crime

because I've fallen in love
with music.

AUDIENCE:
Aw...

WEASELGRAFT:
As a child, there was
nothing I loved more

than to play my tubolin.

It's the world's only
blown string instrument.

(children laughing)

But no one else appreciated
the beauty of the tubolin.

And so I decided to devote
my life

to evil instead.

Music was taken away
from me once.

Don't take it away
from me again.

Please allow me to conduct
this orchestra.

AUDIENCE:
Oh...

Oh, let the man conduct.

How could it hurt?

MARTHA:
But he's trying

to freeze everybody.

All I know is that music
has helped me unfreeze

my cold, cold heart.

Hey, maybe we should listen
to Martha.

You can't trust...

Maybe you and your dog
should go outside

and let this man share
his music with us!

If you're going
to throw them out,

you'll have to throw
me out, too.

Didn't see that coming.

I know who can help us.
Come on!

Rothbart was eventually able
to unfreeze his audience

with the help of a gong.

What's a gong?

The gong is
a percussion instrument.

Percussion instruments
are instruments you hit,

like the drums.

So how do we stop
these guys

without getting frozen
ourselves?

Well, the symphony
only works on humans.

What?

Oh!
All right, it's up to me.

And I know a way
to get you inside.

We'll need to create
a diversion.

Come on!
But first could you...

unfreeze me?

No way, no how are
you getting inside.

We don't want to come in.

We just need to borrow
your flashlight.

Sorry, a flashlight is
an usher's best friend.

But I think I dropped
a piece of bubblegum

in my Dad's trumpet.

Well, I can take a look.

I don't see any gum.

DAD:
Uh, look harder.

It must be way down there.

I've got to get to the stage.
(gasps)

Hey!

I'm telling you,
I don't see any gum.

Three flashes!

That's usher code
for an intruder.

Now to put an end to this.

Get her!

Uh-oh.

Let's split up.

Oh, no!

They're getting close.

Excuse me, pardon me.

(yells)

Coming through.

Stop her!

Uh-oh!

(audience gasps)

USHER:
Hold it!

No...!

(orchestra plays
final note)

Sorry, doggy,
better luck next time.

We'll be rich!

(laughing)

Oh, what was it
the maestro said?

The gong is a percussion
instrument.

Percussion instruments
are instruments you hit,

like the drums.

Percussion, percussion.

I'm pretty sure those are
string instruments.

Is this percussion?

No, that looks like an
instrument you blow into.

(laughing evilly)
Yes!

MARTHA:
Hah!

That looks like
something you hit!

(timpani booms)

(chuckling)

That looks like percussion, too.

(block thwacks)

Is that a gong?

Maybe I can hit that.

Oh!
(gong rings out loudly)

(audience exclaims)

(clears her throat)

Uh, what happened?

Weaselgraft and Pablum used
the Corner Acorn Symphony

to freeze everyone
so they could rob you.

Are you saying these nitwits
are capable of that?

Nitwits?

Only evil geniuses could pull
off a plan this brilliant.

I'll show you!

No-- you nitwit!

Everyone, cover your ears!

(Pablum playing)

Don't do...

(plays final note)

(audience murmuring)

(applause)
Thank you, thank you.

Before we begin, let's give
a big hand to Martha

for stopping these impostors.

Oh, don't mention it,
maestro.

I suppose you want me
to go outside now?

Oh, nonsense!

I have a much better idea.

(Dad playing his solo)

(gong rings out)

PABLUM:
* Had an evil scheme...

Would you stop that?!

But Otis, I'm working
on a composition.

A composition is a song
or a piece of music

you come up with.

I know what a composition is,

and nobody wants
to hear it!

I want to hear it.

As do I!

(blues guitar playing)

* Had an evil scheme

* Had somethin' to prove

* Then my music done froze me

* And oh, I could not move

* I got the blues, yeah

* The froze-myself-with-music
blues *

* That composition froze me

* From my head
down to my shoes... *

(swoops up to high note)

(singing "William Tell" theme)

Did you catch all the words
about music?

Here are some of them again.

Percussion instruments

are instruments you hit,
like the drums.

Isn't a symphony just
a really long piece of music

that an orchestra plays?

An opera is like a play,
only they sing instead of talk.

(everyone singing)

That's all.

See you tomorrow.

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Casey.

My name is Jasper.

My name is Rhea.

And this is Casey.

Casey works for my dad.

My dad's a farmer.

She helps on the farm.

Yeah.

RHEA:
A farm is a place
where people grow food.

JASPER:
She's a farmer's helper
that's a dog.

But I don't think
she gets paid, like,

in dog money or human money.

She'd probably eat
the human money.

She catches mice
and voles and...

And rabbits.

JASPER:
She scares away birds.

(barks)

BOTH:
Casey is very smart.

JASPER:
Casey learned to not walk
in the beds.

A bed is a area.

It's full of plants.

Sometimes she'll work
and sometimes she'll play.

(kids giggling)

* She's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *