02x22 - TD's Magic / Scaredy Cat

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

Today I'd like to do
an astounding feat for you--

a magic trick that defies
rational explanation.

My assistant, Truman, holds
a list of today's words.

Truman, have I looked
at that list?

I don't know.

Well, I haven't.

But now, by the means
of my psychic powers,

I will tell you today's words.

Is one of the words
on that list "diagnosis"?

No.
Condition?

Sorry.

Listen for all the words about
magic stuff and scary stuff,

and we'll see you
at the end of the show.

(barking)

Fetch it!

Go get it!

TD?

What's with all the books?

Oh, hey! You've got to see
this... (grunts)

Sorry, TD.

Bad bounce.

That's cool.

TD:
It's my cousin CD's birthday
in a couple weeks.

I've finally figured out
what to get him.

Presto!

A library book?

And I thought my brother
was cheap.

No. See, the party's
at my house.

I told him I'd do a magic act.

Wow, that is so cool!

Neat!
What a great idea.

This guy was great: Houdini.

I've heard of him.

He was really famous for
escaping from things, right?

Yeah.

And this guy had
a mind-reading act.

He made it look like he could
tell what you were thinking.

And this guy could make things
fly around in the air

or disappear and appear again
somewhere else.

Wouldn't it be great to have
powers like that?

(kids cheering)

Veni-vidi-vici...

(rumbling)

(everyone gasps)

I've got the cup...

Shazam!

Whoa!

What a way to travel!

Thank you, thank you.
(kids cheering)

And voilà!
(gasps)

I pull the coin
from Martha's ear.

Wow!

Eh...
What's the matter?

It's just not as impressive
as I wanted.

I wanted something that would
really make everybody go "wow."

I said wow.

That's what I said.

"Wow," I said.

I want them to say it bigger.

Like "WOW!"

A really big wow, huh?

Hmm. Maybe I can help you
with that.

HELEN:
Maybe the trick is not to worry

about making it impressive.

Just make it more TD-ish.

TD-ish?

How do you mean?

Well...

OG:
Just in time!

Have I got something
to show you!

Ta-da!

Wow, it's so cool!
Awesome!

I worked on it all week.

First, I need a volunteer.

Oh, me! Me!

Pick me.

Martha, step right up.

Aha, yeah!

And now I say

the magic word:

Peanut butter!

And...

HELEN:
She's gone!

Wow!

MARTHA:
Where am I?

You're right here!

(motor hums)

What happened?
Was I good?

You were great.

Could it work with something
bigger than Martha?

What did you have in mind?

I don't know.

Something really,
really big, though.

MARTHA:
I know something big.

Something really, really big!

(elephants trumpet)

Psst!

MARTHA:
Jeffy.

Hi!

I have a friend who could really
use an elephant.

What are you doing tomorrow?

(trumpets)

Great.

MARTHA:
Little kids are great.

They have such poor
coordination.

Mine!

Okay, everyone,

time for the magic show.

Boys and girls!

Presenting that marvel of magic,
The Astonishing TD!

(everyone cheers)

Thank you!

Thank you.

Oh... no.

(kids laughing)

Gotcha.

KIDS:
Ooh!

Wow! Cool!

Where did they go?

Do you see them?

(kids laughing)

Ah. Here they are.

(cheering)

All right! Yay!

Thank you.

And now for my grand finale.

Boys and girls and...

other boys and girls,

I am about to perform
a stupendous feat of magic.

Not "feet" like you have
on the end of your leg.

A feat is something really great
and amazing someone does.

And for today's feat,
I propose to make

this elephant vanish.

Whoa! That would be great!

Jeffy, are you ready?

(trumpets loudly)

Up you go.

(drum roll)

All right.

And now I draw the curtain
and say the magic word.

Peanut butter!

And he's gone.

(cheering)

He's gone! Whoa!

TD:
Thanks, Martha.

I'd better be getting
Jeffy back to the zoo now.

It's almost feeding time.

Sure.

Jeffy?

It's time to...

Oh no!

What? What is it?

Jeffy! He's vanished!

Any sign of him?

No.

Did you check
in the grass?

That's what I do
whenever I lose something.

I check in the grass.

This is an elephant.

How can you lose
an elephant in the grass?

Doesn't hurt to look, does it?

TD made
the elephant disappear!

That's impossible.

There must be
a rational explanation.

TD is magic!

Well, that's one explanation.

Yeah, but not
a rational explanation.

"Rational" means it's based
on facts, on proof, on evidence.

"Magic" isn't
a rational explanation.

Well, we have to find Jeffy.

I promised him I'd get him back
to the zoo before feeding time.

Let's split up
and look for him.

Good idea.

Let's meet at the corner
store in a half-hour.

I'm telling you, CD, something
very strange is going on here.

How does an elephant
just vanish?

By magic.

You did it
with magic powers.

You know what?

I'm starting to think
you just might be right.

I mean, what else
could it be?

Do a trick.

A trick?

What kind of a trick?

Make the light change.

That's a great idea.

If it changes
when I tell it to,

then we'll know if I really
do have magic powers.

Yay!

Okay, ready?

Traffic light... change.

Change... now.

Light change... now!

Oh, I forgot the magic word.

Peanut butter!
Light...

Change!

Change?

CD:
He did it!

TD's magic.

He made the light change.

He did?

Well...

He said "peanut butter"
and it changed.

TRUMAN:
Wow.

(flatly):
That's amazing.

Because traffic lights never
change or anything.

What are you saying?

I think the idea you made
the light change by magic

is pretty dubious.

When he says he thinks you
did that by magic is dubious,

he means he's not
sure if it's true.

Okay, you think it's dubious
that I could change the light.

Fine.
But what about Jeffy?

Did you guys find him?

No.
No.

No.

Yeah, and elephants disappear

in broad daylight all the time.

There's a rational explanation.

Jeffy's got to be somewhere.

But... where?

Yeah, I know it doesn't quite
sound rational,

but the door seems to have...
(crash) fallen off.

Milo! Keep it down!

I'm sorry, what did you say?

It wasn't me, Dad.

It was the elephant.

Elephant?

He followed me home.

(sighs) That boy.

I'm sorry, what was that?

(loud thumping)
I'm sorry, you'll have
to speak louder.

Okay, you don't believe
I have magic powers.

But what if I prove it?

What if I do something
really, really hard?

Like what?

Like...

the sweater of death!

What's that?

Come to my house.

I'll show you.

Fine.

Fine!

But... what
about Jeffy?

I can't believe it.

How does a refrigerator door
just fall off?

(grunting)

The elephant did it, Dad.

Now, Milo, you'll forgive
me if I'm a little dubious

when you tell me there's an...

An elephant?!

(trumpets)

How did you get here?

(trumpets meekly)

And now I draw the curtain.

Peanut butter!

(kids cheering)

(trumpeting softly
with boredom)

Lily is really going

to love this toy.

Well, I don't understand
elephant, but I do know

that we have to get him
back to the zoo.

HELEN:
What's the sweater of death?

It's a sweater

my Aunt EB made for me.

It's really itchy.

So what's the trick?

I'm going to put on
this sweater.

Then I'm going
to hang upside down

with my hands tied together.

I have one minute to escape,
or else.

Or else what?

Or else it's
really going to itch.

Oh, come on,
how itchy can it be?

Stick your hand in.

I dare you.

Oh...!

That's really itchy.

Now you'll see.

Prepare to witness
an amazing feat.

CD? The sweater.

(grunting)

Wait, where's the...?

Found it.

Hold on, I got it...

I got it, I got it,
I got it.

Whoa!

Ow.

He can't even put
the sweater on.

That's right, nice elephant.

Nice and easy.

Oh, good.

Milo, you wait here.

I'll get some help.

(all grunting)

Thanks.

TD, you can't go
through with this.

You can't even get
into the sweater

without hurting yourself.

How are you supposed to hang
upside down and all that?

You could really
get hurt.

How else am I supposed to prove
I have magic powers?

We still haven't
found Jeffy.

You could make him appear.

That's a great idea.

He's got to be starving by now.

TD!

Make the elephant appear.

Yeah, show us all
how magic you are.

Maybe I will.

All right.

Everyone ready?

Here goes.

Peanut butter!

Anyone see
an elephant?

I just need to concentrate.

Making an elephant appear
is much harder

than making one disappear.

I'll bet.

Peanut butter...!

TD (in distance):
Peanut butter!

Peanut...!

Oh...

(discouraged):
Butter.

Admit it.

There's no such thing as magic.

(shouting):
PEANUT BUTTER!

(Jeffy trumpets)

KIDS:
Huh?!

(trumpets)

Jeffy?

(trumpets)

What an amazing feat!

You were saying?

Wow.

But it's impossible.

Do it again, TD!

OTHER KIDS:
Yeah, do it again!

Yes, officer, I know toy
elephants don't live at a zoo.

I'm talking about a real one.

It was right here.

A big, normal-sized elephant.

I guess I'm a little
dubious about that, sir.

I'm telling you,
it was right here.

It vanished!

Illusion.

An illusion is something
that tricks your eye.

For instance, when you look
at a straw

in a glass of water,
it sometimes looks

like the part in the water
and the part out of the water

don't line up.

It's an illusion because
it's not really like that.

It just looks that way.

Sometimes magicians are
called "illusionists"

because they trick your eyes.

For instance, they might make
something vanish,

like this sandwich.

(gobbling)

When something vanishes,

that means you can't
see it anymore.

HELEN:
My sandwich!

Okay, TD. Hurry!

Make me vanish.

Who ate my sandwich?

Where's Martha?
Have you seen her?

I made her disappear.

Aha!

Unfortunately, magic is
only an illusion.

(waves lapping)

ALICE:
Ready?

Let's go.

I'll bump, you set...

and I'll spike it!

Uh-oh.

It certainly was nice
of those people

to share their pie
with Skits and me.

(chuckles)

And unexpected.

(barks)

No, "unexpected"
doesn't mean tasty.

If something is unexpected,

that means you didn't know
it was going to happen.

You didn't expect it.

Like getting your volleyball
covered in pie.

(thunder)

(Martha whimpers)

Speaking of unexpected...

(loud thunder)

Run!

Locked.

And no one will be
home until nighttime.

Wait here. I'll try
the back door.

Here, use this.

Thanks.

Whoa!

(wind whooshing)

Come in.

Just don't...

Don't what?

(sighs)

Never mind.

I'll get some towels.

HELEN:
Couldn't you have done that
on the porch, Martha?

MARTHA:
I did.

Just takes a lot of shaking
to get really dry.

(hisses)

(meowing)

Yeah.

What do we do now?

Wait for the rainy and windy
weather to clear up.

I could get the volleyball, and
we could practice our passes.

No! I mean...

we could tell
spooky stories.

(thunder)
Spooky stories?

(whimpers)

It's just thunder, Skits.

Nothing to be afraid of.

(pounding on door)

Well, that's unexpected.

(thunder)

TD?

It's so windy and wet,

I figured you weren't
in the park anymore.

Come on in. We're telling
rainy day scary stories.

(groans)

I've got a good one.

It's called "The Invisible Man's
Best Friend."

It's about an invisible
dog, of course.

I like it already.

(barks)

Go on, TD.

TD:
It begins in a mad
scientist's laboratory,

where he's perfecting
a top-secret formula.

I've done it!

I've perfected
disappearing ink.

Whoo-hoo! All right!

And you were here to see it.

You lucky dog.

(gasps)

Wait. Where are you?

I'm right here, Doc.

Scientific breakthroughs
sure make me thirsty!

(lapping water)

(gasps)

Oh, no! You drank the ink.

You're invisible.

I am?

Hey! Look, I am!

I must find an answer,
though, quickly.

Take your time.

I kind of like this.

TD:
At first he had a lot
of harmless fun.

Uh, why does the channel
keep changing?

(invisible dog chuckling)

Skits, are those your muddy paw
prints all over the floor?

(invisible dog chuckling)

TD:
Then her behavior took
a turn for the worse.

(invisible dog
humming to herself)

(dogs barking)
Yikes!

TD:
Finally the dog went too far.

(yelling)

Oh, no.

(dogs barking, girls yelling)

(barking)

(invisible dog chuckling)

(slurping and gobbling)

Got you!

TD:
The invisible dog's owner
pleaded with the scientist.

You've got
to change her back!

I'll do what I can.

TD:
The scientist gave her
the report.

Well, I have good news
and bad news.

The good news is,
she's visible.

In fact, she's
very, very visible.

The bad news is...

I'm hungry!

Wow, a pesky invisible dog.

What a nightmare.

A nightmare?

What's a nightmare?

A nightmare is a bad dream.

Oh, like when I dreamt
the pet shop gave me

a ton of free dog food
but forgot to include
the can opener.

Now, that was a nightmare.

(clattering)

How did that happen?

A breeze?

It's not windy in here.

All the windows are closed.

Oh. I bet it was
just Nelson.

(meows)

Or not.

(thunder)

Anyway, my turn.

This story is called
"The Telltale Artichoke Heart."

It begins one night
in Helen's house.

Something weird is going on.

(thunder)

Did you hear it, Martha?

That ominous sound
in the darkness?

Does "ominous" mean you think
something bad will happen?

Right.

Yeah. Then I heard it.

(heartbeat)

That's ominous, all right.

It's coming from the kitchen.

(both gasp)

What are you doing here?

Uh, nothing.

I didn't hide anything.

I swear.

Hide anything?

Were you making
that ominous noise?

What ominous noise?

(heartbeat)

That thumping.

Here. The noise is coming
from here.

Okay, I admit it.

I put it there.

That noise was
keeping me up all night,

so I brought it over here.

(heartbeat)
Canned artichoke hearts?

(chuckles)
Glad you could
all make it

here tonight,
ladies and germs,

and just what is a walking,
talking artichoke heart doing

in your kitchen?

Funny you should ask.

So, for my first impression,

I'm going to make
like a watercolor and run!

(laughing)
Don't forget, I'm here
every night for dinner.

Not!

ALICE:
That artichoke heart fled
into the night

and was never seen again.

But it's still out there
somewhere,

hiding in someone's kitchen.

Maybe even
this one!

Don't do that.

(laughs)
Oh, come on, Helen.

TD:
Do you really think an artichoke
heart can sneak around

in someone's kitchen?

(cans clattering)

Canned food!

I'd know that sound anywhere.

That's got to be Nelson.

It just has to be.

(meows sweetly)

Or not.

If it wasn't Nelson,
what was it?

Ah, your mom probably
stacked the cans

too high,
that's all.

(thunder)

Or not.

Stop trying
to spook us, TD.

Help me pick these up.

Helen, it's your turn
to tell a story.

Okay.

My story is called "Night
of the Phantom Scarecrow."

It begins on a lonely park road,
just as darkness falls.

We were on our way home after
a long day at the beach...

Look.

HELEN:
Hi, Dad!

Do you need some help?

Oh, I'll manage.

But you three should
get home quickly.

Darkness is coming.

The phantom scarecrow
will be here soon.

Phantom?
What's a phantom?

A phantom is something
that isn't really there.

Oh, like a ghost?

Yes, or like the spare tire

I thought I saw
in here last week.

Now go on, hurry home.

There's no such thing as
a phantom scarecrow, is there?

No, and if there was,
this is what I'd do to it.

Nice serve!

(all scream)

The phantom!

(laughing)

HELEN:
They say the phantom scarecrow
now haunts the local beaches.

Mostly during volleyball season.

That's it,
no more trips to
the beach for us.

Oh, come on.

Do you really expect
a volleyball to be scary?

(strange wailing begins)

What was that?

(cats wailing and howling
eerily)

It's coming from upstairs.

Gee, I suppose that's what
a phantom sounds like?

(kids and Martha yelling)

(thunder)

Backyard patio!

Hurry!

I don't see anything.

Look!

Over there
in the dark!

The phantom!

What does
it want?

I bet it wants
its volleyball.

Who's going back inside
to get it?

Not me.

(woofs bravely)

You can't go alone,
Skits.

I'll come with you.

No, Skits, you stay here
with Alice and TD.

I'll go with Martha.

There's the ball.
Got it!

(Nelson meows)

Now, that doesn't sound
like a phantom.

(cats meowing)

(whispering):
It was Nelson!

(quietly):
Well, kitties, a dog
can play this game too.

Ah!

BOTH:
Let's do this.

Hey, that's no phantom!

It's just your dad's
rain slicker.

(meowing)

(strange howling begins)

Boo!

(cats shriek)

Hey, where'd you go?

Oops!

Oh darn, a doorknob.

Now what?

(Nelson meowing)

Poor Nelson!

Were you scared too?

(meows)

Let's go back inside.

It's too windy out here.

Great.
Now the door is locked.

What a nightmare!

That's my fault.

Nelson and his friends were
the ones spooking us!

The scary noises,
ghostly volleyball?

It was them!

I wanted
to scare them back,

but I accidentally
locked everyone out.

Sorry.

Nelson,
is that true?

That's okay, Martha.

I'll go check
for an open window.

I'll look from in here.

On a rainy, windy day you have
to expect the unexpected.

(thunder)

See?

Whoa!

Hey, Alice got the door open!

How'd you
unlock the door?

Me?
Didn't Alice...?

ALICE:
Did I hear my name?

Alice, if you're here,
then who opened the...?

Martha, if I had to describe
this afternoon in one word,

it would have to be...

Unexpected?

Hey, check out this song!

* When you're walking alone
past a scary house *

* And a chill runs
up your back *

* That's ominous

* That's ominous

* When you're planning
a picnic *

* Then suddenly you hear
a thunder cr*ck *

(thunder)

* That's ominous

* That's ominous

* Ominous, ominous

* You feel your heart
start drumming *

* Ominous, ominous

* Something bad is coming

* Ominous, ominous

* Stay at home today

* Ominous, ominous

* Trouble's on its way

* Ominous

* Ooh

* That's ominous.

Boo!

Is one of today's words
"diagnose"?

No.

Did you get all the words

about magic and scary stuff?

Here they are again.

Does "ominous" mean you think
something bad will happen?

"Rational" means it's based
on facts, on proof, on evidence.

When he says he thinks you did
that by magic is dubious,

he means he's not sure
if it's true.

BOTH:
Bye!

See you next time!

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Rugby.

Catch!

My name is Allison
and I read to Rugby.

Rugby is a reading partner.

"Martha's family had a wonderful
party trick."

Rugby listens to me
reading to him.

When Rugby comes to the school,
he kisses me.

Today we're going to read
Martha Walks the Dog.

"As usual, her pals
were scratching,

sniffing or snoozing."

It's fun for a kid to do this

because they have a big ball
of personality

listening to them read.

"Bop! Bop! Bop! Bop!"

If you have trouble reading,
a dog will pay attention.

A dog won't say you're bad
at reading.

They just roll with it.

You can count on dogs.

I like reading to Rugby
because it's really fun.

* He's that dog,
dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *