01x05 - Dark

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Green Eggs and Ham". Aired: November 8, 2019 – April 8, 2022.*
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Animated comedy adventure series loosely based on the 1960 Dr. Seuss book of the same title.
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01x05 - Dark

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, guitar player Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How to laugh and dance Whether you're a pancakes Or waffles man We still got a whole lot left to learn If you only knew If you only knew We'll do something new Start a snowball fight in June If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How the game has changed You'd think it's kind of nice Even when it rains But take any advice With a grain of salt If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic [growling]

You'll pay for this.

[narrator]

Oh, man! This is scary.

Was this in the book? Just tell me what happens.

I can't bear to look! [growling]

You'll pay for this, Michael! [both]

Michael? [grunting and groaning]

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I've recently committed myself to an eggless existence, but it is not easy.

I mean, they're really good.

I hear that.

And if Sandra knew I took the Oh, right.

Your chick.

Sandra is no one's chick! She's very much her own hen, and I respect that.

From one feminist to another, that's very admirable.

So, we'll just leave these ties and show ourselves out.

Keep the ties.

Just promise you won't say a word to anyone about my one moment of weakness.

One moment? [yelps]

Our lips are sealed.

Yes.

We swear we will not tell Sandra.

Sandra! She could never hear about this! Because if she did, I don't know what I'll do.

- Relax.

There's no way Sandra will - Sandra! - Would you please stop saying - Were you gonna say "Sandra"? Sandra! She makes waking up in the morning worth it! Sandra! Let's get out of here! ["Baby Love" playing]

Ooh Baby love [song ends abruptly]

Save yourselves! I'm a monster.

- [roars]

- [gasps]

- [grunts]

- [panting]

- [grunts]

- [grunts]

- [grunts]

- [screaming]

- ["Baby Love" plays]

- [song ends abruptly]

- [Sam and Guy gasp]

- [growls]

[stammering]

- [gasps]

- [Sam screams]

[exclaims]

[grunts]

- Give the ties to Jenkins! - [roaring]

[screams]

[both panting]

[both scream]

Oh! [grunts]

[panting]

[Michael]

Please don't tell Sandra! [crickets chirping]

- [grunting]

- [chirping]

[panting]

We went through a lot of work for these ties, so I hope that you [gulps]

[pants]

appreciate it.

- [stomach rumbling]

- [squawks worriedly]

[grunting]

Ugh.

Ugh.

Oh! [blows air bubble]

[panting]

That's what happens when you eat your ties too fast.

[Sam]

Guy, you've gotta peep this.

- Well? - Eh.

Eh? This is at least worth a "Huh?" Maybe even a "wha?" How can you not enjoy this? A setting sun means only one thing.

It'll be dark soon.

And if you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah.

[giggles]

That's the best part of nowhere to be in.

Right in the middle.

We're sitting ducks out here.

Those BADGUYS are professional trackers.

They know where we dropped off the train.

They're probably right behind us.

We need a place to hide out for the night.

A wonderful idea.

Why don't we just stay at this motel right here? Or we could stay at that one.

[sighs]

Why did you not just tell me that there was a motel? I didn't want you to miss the sunset.

- [warbling]

- Oh! You're not supposed to run after you eat.

[breathes deeply]

Hup! [exerts]

- [groans]

- [warbles]

[Sam laughs]

[growls]

Ooh.

This place seems nice, Guy.

[sighs]

As long as there's a bed, I'll be happy.

Whoa! Sam! [grunts]

[screams]

[grunting]

[sighs]

[gasps]

It's not a motel! - It's a junk yard! - [light bulbs explode]

At the bottom of a very, very deep pit! Relax.

We can get out.

[grunting]

[panting]

[screams]

Oh! [grunts]

Yeah, we're not getting out.

- Of all the - Ba, ba, ba, ba.

Let's focus on the positives.

First of all, the BADGUYS will never find us down here.

Oh, that's true.

They're not stupid enough to trap themselves in a giant hole! There's no way out, Sam.

We have no food.

It's freezing.

We won't even survive the night.

And I'm stuck here with you! There you go! Now you're looking on the bright side.

Tell me, what do you see here? I see junk! Well, I see opportunity.

Think about it.

You're an ace inventor.

This place is practically overflowing with raw materials.

You can invent our way out of here.

[sigh]

I've already told you, - I'm done inventing.

- [Chickeraffe exclaims]

[chirping]

[warbles excitedly]

What now? He's burrowing for the night.

I suggest we do the same.

[groans]

Aww.

[narrator]

Michellee thought the train had been nothing but troubles, so she rented a car wrapped completely in bubbles.

Safely onward to Meepville with daughter E.

B.

, they stopped for the night at a quaint B&B.

[E.

B.

]

What kind of hotel is this? [Michellee]

Oh, it's not a hotel.

It's a bed and breakfast.

There's the bed, there's breakfast in the morning, and that's it.

- [wind blows]

- [E.

B.

whimpers]

W-What about the TV? [in sing-song voice]

There's none! - [chuckles]

- No TV? Yeah, but isn't that great? Just us gals spending some quality time together.

It'll be like a slumber party with your mom instead of, uh, friends.

What if we get incredibly bored of each other? [sighs]

I suppose we could go talk with the lady who owns the place.

She seems like a jar full of fun.

[sighs]

I'd rather watch grass grow.

Great year for grass.

Ooh, little Johnny is really sprouting.

Wait! Does the owner lady have a TV? Come on.

The Elanabeth I know doesn't need a television to have a good time.

You're right.

[sighs]

Oh! We could draw.

G-Great.

But Uh, um, maybe let's find something else to draw on.

We can, uh, just turn the page.

It'll be fine.

[squeals excitedly]

[sighs]

[humming]

Start with the outline.

Mm-hmm.

And here, let me no, no, no.

Let me show you.

Here.

You make a very light line to get the basic shapes like this.

See, blue? And then, gradually, you darken those lines.

You give that form so much more definition, and then finally, add details.

Like that! [gasps]

Hmm.

- [shivering]

- [wind howling]

How nice to be you.

Blissfully unaware that we're trapped and doomed.

All nice and toasty in that dirt.

Belly all full of delicious ties.

Meanwhile, I'm freezing and - Hungry? - No.

- [stomach rumbling]

- [grumbles]

Ah, bummer.

Because I just found a vending machine stocked with so much good food.

Where? [electricity crackling]

- Would you li - Don't.

[chuckles]

Suit yourself.

Ah, we meet again.

[sniffs]

Mmm.

- [slurping]

- [groans]

[Sam]

Mmm.

[slurping]

I have an idea.

An idea? Like, for an invention? [yells]

It's not an invention.

It's a new device I'm assembling out of necessity to do something not previously possible.

Mmm.

No, I think that's what an invention means.

All right, fine, it's an invention.

But I promise you, this is my last one ever.

I'm just doing it since we'll freeze to death if I don't.

[Sam]

Pray, what do you call this? Your final masterpiece? A Sparkerator.

You turn this, and it'll rub these hands back and forth, building friction in order to spark a fire.

I guess that means you're back inventing again, inventor.

I am not inventing.

This is purely out of necessity.

You know what they say about necessity.

No.

What? Oh, I don't know.

I was hoping you knew.

[grumbles]

[grunting]

[grunts in frustration]

Maybe you need to spin it the other way.

It doesn't matter which way you spin it.

See? It worked! Sparkerator! This calls for a celebration, and I've been saving a bottle of Fizzy Pop for just such an occasion.

[chuckles]

That is totally not you.

Ah-ha! Hand-fizzed by master fizzers for 17 years.

Gotta give it a good shake first! - Shake it up! - No, stop that.

Sam.

Really gets the fizz going! Don't do that.

Put it down, Sam.

- Just put it down.

Sam - Shake it up! - There we go! Whoo-hoo! - Put it down.

- Do not open that bottle.

- But It'll spray everywhere and douse the fire.

It won't.

Sam Sam.

Sam! - [yells]

- [Fizzy Pop fizzing]

[grumbles]

See? Told you.

To the man I'm proud to have call me his best friend.

[groans]

Mmm.

Whoa! [Sam]

Okay, I feel slightly responsible for that.

How about to make it up to you with a bite of these green eggs and ham? - [Guy]

No, thank you.

- [Sam]

Are you sure? They're really good in the dark.

The lack of sight truly heightens your other senses.

[chewing loudly]

Mmm! Mmm! Those just sound delicious.

[Guy]

I would not like them in the dark.

- [Sam]

What are you doing? - [Guy]

Repairing my invention.

If we don't start another fire, we'll be frozen solid.

But I'm sure it won't work.

- It'll probably just blow up! - [Sparkerator explodes]

What? Wow! It did work.

No, it blew up.

And it's gonna save us! Look! Your invention is pointerating the way out.

This pipe could be our path to freedom! [rumbling]

That stuff seems unsafe.

[both]

Whoa! [grunts]

It's fine, Guy.

It's just a little Oh.

[rumbling]

Flee! - Whoa! - [screams]

[squawking]

[Sam and Guy panting]

Oh! Yeah, that's partially my fault.

I'll admit that.

Oh [chuckles]

It's very pretty.

- You think? - I super think.

- Such a beautiful landscape.

- [sighs]

- It's not a landscape.

It's a Chickeraffe.

- Oh.

Oh, sure is.

I see it now.

I especially like how you drew his little foot right there, tearing out that guy's eyeballs.

That's his nose.

And he's snuzzling me.

How many times do I have to tell you? They're not dangerous.

[sighs]

It doesn't matter.

I'm not even allowed to have a panda, let alone Mr.

Jenkins.

Why don't you let me help you with this? You know, your mom, well, she used to be quite a good artist - back in the day.

- No, thanks.

I'll just watch grass grow.

[narrator]

Michellee realized something she hadn't yet.

Where the world saw a monster, E.

B.

saw a pet.

Hmm.

[inhales softly]

Hmm.

That'll be us pretty soon.

No, it won't! Because you can still invent us out of this jam.

Inventing doesn't work that way.

Pfft.

What you know about inventing? Everything.

Let me tell you a little story.

[gasps]

Is this your secret origin story? No, it's just a story.

About a guy named, uh, Ghee.

- [squawks]

- Hooked me from the first sentence.

[squawks]

[groans]

A bright-eyed inventor with tons of promise.

Ghee thought of the Face Iron.

[moans]

Well, I'm a new man.

[Guy]

He invented Foggles.

Plus, an Out of Order Recorder with 17 toggles.

Testing, testing.

One two three.

[recorder whirs]

[Guy on recording]

Two-thing, three-thing.

Test one, test.

- Oh! - That's fantastic! [Guy]

The Hand Stand seemed like a total slam dunk.

Inventionary! [grunting]

[Guy]

The Can Opener was sure to end his funk.

[Can Opener]

You can open it.

I believe in you.

- Go, go, go.

- [grunting]

Ah! I can open it! [Guy]

Success seemed at hand, fortunes surely bestowed.

But you can't make it big - when all your gizmos explode.

- [all scream]

- [all scream]

- [all scream]

[Foggles exploding]

[Face Iron explodes]

You know, this Ghee sounds really interesting.

Reminds me of ye.

May I please finish? Yeah.

Quit stalling.

[Guy]

With each failure Ghee lost a little more hope.

[Can Opener]

You can open it.

I believe in you.

[Guy]

So at the thought of another his heart told him "nope.

" Whoo! Oh! Oh, what a story! Only an inventor with an amazing imagination could spin such an inventive yarn right off the top of his noggin.

I knew you were talented.

[sighs]

It's me.

I'm Ghee.

[Sam]

Yeah, right.

[chuckles]

I mean, at first I thought it was about you, but then that twist at the end? I just told you it was me.

Pfft.

Sure it was.

[groans]

Never mind.

Oh, well, I'm sorry you had to go through that Ghee.

Yeah, well, everybody's got a story.

[squawks sadly]

[narrator]

Right.

We all have a story, animals included.

And Jenkins's begins on an island secluded.

[squawking]

[narrator]

He lived with his family, where the ties grow on trees.

A freshly-picked breakfast, Jenkins's life was a breeze.

[gulps]

- [pants]

- [stomach rumbles]

[spits]

[narrator]

Until - [leaves rustling]

- [squawks curiously]

[chirping]

- [squawks in horror]

- [squawks]

[squawks in horror]

[both squawking in horror]

[narrator]

Jenkins loved his mom with all of his heart.

And a piece of it broke when they were torn apart.

[whimpers]

As long as we're origin storying, mine is a real humdoozler.

It starts a long time ago.

When Mom I-Am gave birth to me, I was I don't want to hear it! I only have a few minutes before I - [metal thumps]

- [all scream]

Oh, what? [gasps]

What? [shouts]

I'm too young to die! This is it.

We're done for.

We've lived our last day.

[Sam]

Don't be dramatic.

Look! Yee-haw! Guy! How great is this? I think we just found our lifeline.

A ride out of this pit.

Sam, that horse doesn't move.

She may not move yet, but that's what a master inventor is for.

I'm no master.

And even if I was, it is not possible.

Uh-oh, sounds like someone's got a case of the nots.

I do not! Well, I'm not interested in being swallowed up by toxic ooze, so I'm gonna get to work.

Hmm.

'Kay, let's see.

This Thing-a-ma-Bob right here oughta work.

And this Thing-a-ma-Dave oughta do the trick.

Hmm, hmm.

[narrator]

Guy knew that Thing-a-ma-Bob wouldn't bob.

Sam wasn't cut out for this sort of a job.

And if that thing falls, he'll go ka-splew-it! - [stone cracking]

- Uh-oh.

[gasps]

Step aside and let a master do it.

- [gasps]

Ghee is back! - [squawks]

Ya-how! Point zero zero two microzilometers.

[sighs]

- That's enough excitement for one day.

- Huh? [narrator]

E.

B.

tiptoed upstairs, sure she'd be grounded.

- Phew.

- [narrator]

Mom's asleep.

And that's when she found it.

[laughs softly]

[narrator]

Plus, a note that was written with pencil in palm.

[Michellee]

So your pet's with you forever.

Love always, your Mom.

[sighs]

Goodnight, Mom.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Attach the Wimble to the Wumph Joint.

Puts a Flurm bolt on a Zilzonator.

Stupid son of a Yip! Whoa! Guy! Hurry! [Guy]

Almost done! And I'll need a bruckle to start it up.

- Hmm.

About that - What? I may have spent our last bruckle.

Well, find one! Oh! One bruckle Hup! Coming right up.

[vending machine dings]

Jackpot! Big winner! Bruckles from heaven! Whoa! - [exclaims]

- [squawks]

Thanks.

Nearly lost my shirt.

[squawks]

[grunting]

- Bruckle.

- Bruckle.

- [machine dings]

- [Sam]

It's working! [Guy]

Hurry! Move, move, move! Do it, Guy! Hang on! [grunts]

Whoa! [all screaming]

[Sam]

Whoo-hoo! - [horse neighs]

- [Guy sighing]

- [sighs]

- Yes! Oh! The Ghee is definitely back! See? All you needed was a little bit of hope.

Luckily, you had a hope man in your corner.

[narrator]

Guy wouldn't admit it, but he did need some hope.

And a hope man is helpful, even if he's a dope.

[upbeat country music plays]

[machine dings]

[horse neighs]

You're in luck next time you're stuck in a pit of doom, Guy.

[Guy]

Because I know how to build one of these? Nah.

'Cause you gotta have your origin story to tell.

[horse neighs]

[grunts]

We made it all the way here, and it didn't blow up! [Guy]

Fabulous.

Let's eat.

[horse explodes]

Hey, look on the bright side.

[chuckles]

I've still got one bruckle left for breakfast.

[Mr.

Jenkins warbling]

[whispers]

Sorry, big fella, you gotta lay low.

We're wanted men.

Anybody sees you, we're in big trouble.

- [pink patron]

Hmm? - [chuckles nervously]

Hup! Pray, tell, Gar-Kahn.

What can a couple of big spenders like us get for this? Mm-hmm.

You might want something from our half-off menu.

Here you go.

[bell rings]

[humming]

[narrator chuckles]

Okay, that flea is quite silly, but try not to laugh, because fleas have been known to scare Chickeraffes.

[humming]

Oh, whoa! [Mr.

Jenkins squawking]

Shh, shh, shh! [whispering]

It's just a little flea.

Phew.

[chuckles]

[warbling]

[gasps]

The missing Chickeraffe! [patrons yelling]

[woman screams]

[warbling]

Hey, guitar player Mmm New York's number-one cut creator Uh-huh, uh-huh Hey, speed skater T-t-t-t-take a right Let's put an ad in the papers Uh Backflip You know what to do Ooh Backflip You know what to do Ooh, let your freak flag fly Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic
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