01x16 - Nigel Knows Best

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wild Thornberrys". Aired: September 1, 1998 - June 11, 2004.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Eliza travels the world with her unusual family, as her parents make wildlife films.
Post Reply

01x16 - Nigel Knows Best

Post by bunniefuu »

This is me, eliza thornberry.

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom,
and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin?
He found us.

( Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house--
it moves.

'Cause we travel
all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts
this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

( Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the
u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

Darwin, did you see that kid
on the llama?

Wouldn't it be great to go like
that to cuzco?

Why spend hours
on the back of
a wannabe giraffe

When you could ride
in a comfortable trailer?

To see the andes up close.

Aren't you bored of riding
in the comvee?

Nope.
First a quick nap.

Then lunch...

I wonder if we can
borrow a llama.

Debbie, could you put your
finger here?

Mom? Are those
stockings?

I didn't even know
you own stockings.

A woman should always
carry pantyhose.

They're just the thing
when the fan belt breaks.

Gosh, is this one of those
mother-daughter moments?

Nigel:
marianne.

Our mission to the post office
was successful.

So, you got
the stamps?

No, I forgot them completely.

Look at this
smashing parcel.
From your mother.

How nice. Well, no sense
in opening it now.

We've got a long drive
to cuzco.

Aren't you just itching
with childlike curiosity?

No.

Here, donnie.

You can play
with this.

( Jabbering )

Soap, soap, soap, soap.

( Gasps )
yes!

Cheese crunchies!

( Grunts, gobbles loudly )

( Giggles )
cheese crunchies rock!

Well, we better
start loading up.

( Chewing )

Where did you
get those?

Grandma sent them.

I can't believe my mother sent
cheese crunchies again!

Oh?

Marianne:
nigel, did you
see that?

( Voice muffled )

They're terrible
for you.

According to grandma,
so is spending your childhood

Living out of a camper.

She says I'm
a "poor dear."

Debbie, may I see
that, please?

All right...

"Disappointment...

"...sorry can't give your family
everything they deserve

"Because of your little career.

"So I've taken the liberty...

...sent some goodies to your
poor, dear children"!

( Sarcastically ):
how thoughtful.

( Growls )

Mom!

Mom, dad...
Check it out!

A farmer let me borrow his llama
to take to cuzco.

Eliza, no llamas
in the comvee.

I know, mom.

That's why I'll ride it
over the mountain.

Oh, to traverse the andes
as the ancient incas once did.

What a grand adventure!

And there'll be ruins,
right dad?

Oh, yes.

Massive stone monuments

Built by a culture
hundreds of years ago.

So, can I go?

Honey, you can't go alone.

But... But couldn't dad
come with me?

Isn't it dangerous?

Oh, yes. Terribly.
Dad.

You guys, I don't think
this is a good idea.

But we'll be careful,
won't we, dad?

Oh, but of course.

Exceptionally careful.

You have my promise,
poppet.

Our trip will be
the picture of safe,
prudent travel.

Not an iota
of adventure.

We shall scale
the mighty andes

With the utmost care.

See, mom?

So, can we go?

I suppose it'll be all right.

Oh!
Yes, yes, yes!

Nice going dad.
Thanks.

I'll go pack.

Sure you don't want to come,
darwin?

You could ride
up here.

Right, santusa?

Sure, I can carry
both of you easy.

Come on, dar,
it's going to be great!

I'd love to, but
someone's got to make sure

Donnie doesn't stuff himself

With those cheese things
your grandmama sent. Bye!

Good-bye, marianne, debbie,
donnie.

We'll see you in cuzco
at noon tomorrow.

Bye, mom!

Let's gallop.

Whoa, there!

Oh, but, dad,
I wanted to run.

Oh, nothing like tearing up the
mountain, the wind in your hair.

Oh, better keep it
to a walk.

I did promise
your mother.

So, what's the story?

My dad says we
have to walk.

So mr. Knobby-knees
makes the rules?

Yeah.
But that's okay.

We'll still see
cool stuff

Along the way,
won't we?

Sure-- my favorite
patch of grass.

You should see;
it's really green.

That, that's nice.

But isn't there
anything else?

No, it's just trail,
trail

Big hole in the ground.

Big hole in
the ground?

You mean a canyon.

I don't know.

Everybody likes
to stop and look

And make noise like,
like this: ( gasps )

I'll bet it's the urobamba.

Uro what?

Kid, you might as well

Be speaking alpaca to me.

( Eliza giggles )

Rather steep going,
eliza.

Do keep your llama
close to the wall.

That big hole
is right over there.

I wish I could
get closer.

Oh, but my dad--

Just turned the corner.

So what do you say,
kid?

Well, maybe
a quick look.

Quick?
( Eliza giggles )

Wow!

Wow, that was great!

Better than
a pony ride, huh?

Check it out.

( Eliza gasps )

Whoa!

Yeah.

That's what
everybody says.

( Gasps )

Wow!

I'll be. It worked!

Your father, the regular cowboy,
eh, eliza?

Good thing
I got you.

Looks like your llama
was wandering off.

Shall we play
at cowboys, eliza?

What do you say,
partner?

Dad, there's a canyon
down there.

Yes, the urobamba river canyon.

Sheer cliffs dropping
thousands of feet.

Wouldn't do to have you
toppling over the edge.

There's plenty to see
over here.

Why, we have
a marvelous view of...

Um... Of, um...
Each other.

Smashing hat, dear.

I only got to see it
for a second.

So I guess we got
to stay by the wall, no?

Not if I can help it.

And grandma sent
a washcloth.

Charming.

And more soap.

Oh, just
what we need.

And three cans
of spinach.

Typical.

Oh, and a book--

Called women who
juggle too much.

Whoa, mom, were you
in the circus?

It's a book about
how good mothers don't work

Or drive or breathe.

( Horn honking )

( Continues honking )

( Other truck honking )

( Screams )

( Tires squealing )

Oh, for goodness sake!

( Whimpering )

Did you see what happened?

Yeah, we stopped.

What's in the suitcase?

Soap.

More? Grandma sent us,
like, nine bars already.

They threw a suitcase
of soap at me.

They don't think I can
keep my family clean!

Well, I'll show them.

You're not going to make me
wash donnie?

( Engine hums )

So are we anywhere
near machu pichu?

Santusa:
what's a machu pichu?

It's an ancient city
built by the incas.

What's an inca?

You don't know?

Well, you're a llama.

What's a llama?

( Laughs ):
I'm kidding.

That one I know!

So, what is it
you're looking for?

It's a place people lived,
like 500 years ago.

It's really cool;
it's like this maze

Of huge walls
and staircases.

Oh, yeah, the big
pile of rocks.

You know, it's covering up
a lot of really good grass.

You know where it is?

Sure, that's it
over there.

Wow! Hey, dad!

Everything all right?

Look,
it's machu pichu!

Can we go?

I am sorry, dear

But according
to my map

There's no real trail

Between here
and there.

And while I love
a good scramble

As much as
the next man

I think it's best

We stay on
the main road.

Oh, but dad.

Not to worry, eliza.

If you want
to see a ruin

I know one
that's closer.

And it's much more ancient
than machu pichu.

Follow me.

Santusa, there's
an old ruin up ahead.

That's no way to talk
about your father.

( Both laughing )

Marianne ( sarcastically ):
oh, thank you, mommy.

Thanks for the package
of cheese crunchies,
mother.

You know how much
I appreciate your help

Because I can't
raise my family

As good as you
raised ours!

There's the bus!

Debbie:
uh, mom, those
signs with numbers...

That's the speed limit.

( Whimpers )

See, the red needle

Should point at a number

That matches or is
less than the sign's.

( Tires squealing )

( Air hissing )

Put that
in your soap dish!

Oh, what is with you, mom?

Hey, they blew a tire!

Bunch of reckless,
irresponsible

Good-for-nothing...

Uh, mom...

They'll think twice

Before throwing soap
at me again!

What did you want
to tell me?

Uh, nothing.

We have arrived
in the ancient city.

We have?

Take a gander at these almost
imperceptible indentations.

Can you see them, eliza?

Each one
shrouded in mystery.

These are the ruins?

Yes.

Oh, who knows what stood here
a thousand years ago?

A temple, a fortress...

Dad, this, this looks
like a garbage pit.

Well, yes, of course.

In the intervening years

The ruins have seen
many uses.

( Gasps )

No, no, llama.

Mustn't disturb
the ancient grounds.

I know how you feel.

It is overwhelming,
isn't it?

But we must press on.

Bit of rough going ahead.

Rough going?!

Oh, yes. We'll be scaling
mount veronica

A 15,000-foot peak

That will test the limits
of human endurance!

Wow!

We're climbing that?

Yes. Oh!

And not simply
because it's there--

Although that's
a fine reason.

( Gasps )

Eliza?

Come on, dad!

At this high altitude

We must use
the british climbing technique

Perfected on the first
attempt at everest.

Now, observe.

The trick is to step,
then breathe.

Step...

( Breathes deeply in and out )

Step... ( Breathes deeply )

Can't I just breathe
the regular way?

Oh, goodness, no.

Our bodies are starved

For life-giving oxygen.

One wrong move,
and we'll fall prey

To the dizzying effects
of altitude sickness.

Now, we don't want
to get separated.

You're putting me
on a leash, like a dog?

( Laughs )
oh, goodness no,
poppety.

It's nothing like that.

Eliza, come.

And as we go,
there's another way

To draw oxygen deeply
into the lungs.

We sing.

♪ There's a yellow rose
in texas ♪

♪ That I am going to see ♪

♪ No other cowboy... ♪

I thought mountain climbing
would be cool.

This is so embarrassing.

Don't forget to step,
then breathe.

( Breathes deeply )

♪ She's the sweetest rose
of texas this cowboy ever knew ♪

♪ Her eyes are bright
as diamonds ♪

♪ They sparkle like the dew. ♪

( Takes deep breaths )

Say, eliza

Can't hear you
singing back there.

I'm singing on the inside, dad.

( Takes
wheezing breath )

Why are you
walking like that?

Doesn't everyone
do this up here?

Nobody does that--
here, there, anywhere.

What are you doing?

I'm going to climb
to the top on my own.

Ah, you're running away.

Take me with you.

No, santusa,
you have to stay here.

But I'm fast and quiet

And I've got two
more legs than you

And I won't be
any trouble, promise.

But you have to keep
the rope tight

Or my father will
know I'm gone.

I'll try, but if he
keeps up that howling

I can't promise
you anything.

Thanks, santusa.

( Faintly ):
♪ her eyes are bright
as diamonds... ♪

I'll see you at the top.

♪ ...talk about
your dearest maiden ♪

♪ And sing of rosa lee ♪

♪ But the yellow
rose of texas... ♪

( Jabbering )

Don't get any ideas,
fly boy

Because I am not
going after you.

Oh, now that I've shown that bus
how capably I drive

It's time for this good mother

To serve a delicious,
nutritious lunch.

Whoa. A tablecloth?

Egg salad and sprouts
on whole grain bread.

Huh. I thought you couldn't
boil eggs this high.

A good mother
can always boil eggs.

( Gasps )
I forgot to cut
donnie's sandwich!

( Squealing happily )

Donnie, give me
the sandwich!

( Yelps ) huh?

( Growls )

There.

No little boy wants
to eat the crusts.

( Gulps loudly )

Mom... You're starting
to scare me.

Is there something

You want to share
with me, debbie?

'Cause I'm here for you.

( Vehicle
approaching )

( Gasps )

Nuns?

Nuns think I'm a bad mother?!

( Whimpers )

Where's donnie?

( Jabbering )

Okay, let's roll.

( Grunting )

( Catches breath )

Wow!

I climbed that.

( Grunting )

That wasn't hard.

And I didn't have
to do that silly walking.

Snow. ( Laughs )

It's snowing!

( Giggling giddily )

Wh-whoa.

I guess I went too fast.

Hey...

Where'd my feet go?

Whoa... Who said that?

( Laughing )

Darwin!

( In nigel's voice ):
don't forget to step...

Then breathe.

Darwin?

( Wind howling )

( Dreamily ):
bye.

( Inhales deeply )

( Groaning sigh )

Dad?

( Calling out ):
eliza?

We need to get out of this storm
and make camp.

Eliza?

( Shouting ):
eliza!

( Moans )

( Fire crackling... )

Where, where am i?

You don't speak english.

Oh, you're awake.

Good show.

Dad.

What happened?

Oh, just a spot of bad
weather, that's all.

Rest now.

I must see if this
weather has caused

The weasels to shift
to their winter white.

Wouldn't that
be smashing?

Thank you for saving me.

So, mom,
what's up with you?

Debbie, I know
those are nuns

But they have no right
to tell me how
to raise my family.

They didn't
tell you anything.

They just lost
a suitcase.

That just happened
to be full of soap?

Wait a minute.
Nine bars of soap

Washcloths and food
for your kids?

What?

Grandma sent that stuff.

She's telling you
how to take care of us.

And it makes you nuts!

Debbie, don't be silly.

Look, mom, grandma's soap.

Ah! Get that
away from me!

See? Every time grandma
sends us a package

You turn into some, like,
freaky supermom.

Now, debbie--
soap!

Okay, you're right!
You're right.

You've got to learn to tune out
what your mother says.

It's always worked for me.

I just worry.

With the traveling
and the work...

Mom, you are
a good mom.

Really?

Yeah.

Besides, I've
got to chill you out

Or you'll drive us
off a cliff.

A little bit tired
from your journey?

I'm fine.

Can't I walk
on my own now

Or ride the llama?

There you are.

Why don't we rest a while?

I must admit, I just heard
the call of a woulata goose

And I'd like to see it.

But, dad,
there's camp.

People are waiting
for the llama.

You really need to get
your strength back.

I won't be a minute.

My dad won't let us go.

He thinks I'll
faint or something.

Well, you did almost
freeze to death

The last time
you wandered off.

That's different.

I got disoriented.

You're lucky.

I know.
If it weren't for those incas.

The incas didn't save you.

It was your father.

He found you in the snow.

He put you under his coat
to keep you warm.

Then he made a house out of ice

With just a shovel
and bare hands.

He built a fire.

The incas saw the smoke.

They were lost, too.

Dad, I'm sorry I wandered off.

I would have done
the same thing

When I was your age.

Eliza and nigel:
♪ ...i ever knew ♪

♪ Her eyes are
bright as diamonds ♪

♪ They sparkle like the dew. ♪

Nigel, I was
getting worried.

Was everything
all right?

Safe as the bank
of england the whole way.

I know you think
of eliza and me

As a couple of reckless
adventurers

But we were just
as careful

As we could be,
weren't we, poppet?

And how was your trip?

I made egg salad.

At this altitude?
Astonishing.

Oh, I'm going to miss you,
santusa.

So, how was it
in the comvee?

You know.

Mom got a little freaked.

About grandma's package?

Yeah.

But it turned out okay.

How was your trip?

Oh, dad saved my life.

Wow.

( Gobbling loudly )

Yeah, they're pretty cool.

( All laughing )
Post Reply