01x19 - The Dragon and the Professor

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wild Thornberrys". Aired: September 1, 1998 - June 11, 2004.*
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Eliza travels the world with her unusual family, as her parents make wildlife films.
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01x19 - The Dragon and the Professor

Post by bunniefuu »

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin?
He found us.

( Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house--
it moves.

'Cause we travel
all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts
this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

( Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the
u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

( Panting )

( Caws )

( Low growling )

( Gasps )

Didn't you
see it, darwin?

Let me think.

No.

Oh, I can't
believe you!

It was a
komodo dragon, darwin.

It's the biggest reptile
in the world.

We're chasing
a lizard?

They're really
rare, darwin.

They only live here
and on one other island

And we're leaving
tomorrow for australia.

If we don't see it
today, that's it.

Oh! And they don't have
lizards in australia?

( Donnie babbling excitedly )

Hmm! Have you got
a hat, darling?

It's a bit on the sunny side

Don't you
think?

Oh, I think it'll be all right.

I made it through the sahara.

Well, donnie's got
the right idea--

Seeking shade under the
dense foliage of the, um...

Toxicodendron verniciflua.

( Laughing )

If I'm not mistaken,
the toxicodendron

Is closely related to
its american counterpart--

Rhus radicans, more
commonly known as...

Poison ivy!
Poison ivy!

( Grunting and panting )

( Gasps )

Did you hear that?

What?!

Rustling.

That was me!

( Gasps )

Wow! Darwin, come on!

Hey, dragon, wait up!

Marianne ( in distance ):
eliza!

Eliza:
where'd he go?

Marianne:
eliza!

( Yelling ):
coming, mom!

Let's go see mom
and get back here fast.

I don't want to lose the trail!

Honey, look who's here.

It's your home-
schooling teacher

Mr. Culpepper.

Oh, uh, hi,
mr. Culpepper.

Eliza.

Nice to see
you again.

Eliza, donnie got
into some poison ivy.

Not actually
poison ivy.

But close enough.

Your father and I have
to take him into town

To see a doctor.

I'm sure he'll be all right.

Welcome to rinca island--
I got to go.

Wait a second.

I was in
nearby jakarta

Which, as you know,
is the capital of...

Indonesia... And when I found
out the thornberrys were nearby

I crossed the water at...

Selat sunda... To drop in on
one of my favorite students...

Eliza.

Would someone get rudolph
the red-nosed jungle bo1

Out of here?

( Jabbering )

( Sniffing )

Itch, itch, itch,
itch, itch, itch.

( Slobbers )

( Shrieks ):
oh, you brat!

Now I'm going to get a rash!

( Jabbering )

Oh! Hi!

Excuse me for a moment.

Is it too much
to ask to be warned

When we have company?

( Door slams )

And that's our
lovely daughter, deborah.

Sorry to have
to leave like this.

Mr. Culpepper,
don't worry about
the children.

Make yourself
at home

And we'll be back
by dinner.

Bye! Bye-bye!

You be good now.

( Chuckling ):
have a lovely time.

Well, eliza?

Well, I'll see
you at dinner.

Eliza! Wait!

Aren't you
forgetting something?

Now, according
to my schedule

You have
a paper due.

I'll put it on the
next mail plane, I promise.

It's due
today, eliza.

You see, eliza, that's
part of the problem.

I'm afraid that all
your moving around

Is affecting your work.

I've got your last paper
here somewhere.

It arrived waterlogged, bitten

And smelling of the jungle.

Oh, well, uh...
You know the congo--

Damp, smelly and
full of alligators.

Now, may I
be excused?

You know, eliza, home schooling
is not for everyone.

All this jungle business may
not be the best thing for you

Or your assignments.

Well, this new paper is
going to be neat and clean

And, uh... Unbitten.

That's good! I was afraid

I was going to have
to tell your parents

That you may be better suited

To a more structured
school environment.

What?!

A school with desks

And bells and
no alligators.

You can't!
You can't!

I'd hate it!

So show me the paper.

I... I will,
just, uh...

Have to write it.

Uh, what was it on again?

You were to write

On the life of
an american president.

Oh, no problem, no problem!

I'm great at presidents.

I was going to do, uh... Uh,
president van halen.

Ah! And when were you
going to do this paper

On president van buren?

Later?

The correct answer is "now."

( Grumbling )

Do you have a pen?

( Sighs )

( Sighs )

Why do I have to do this when
I could be with that dragon?

( Footsteps approaching )

How's it coming,
eliza?

Fine! Fine.

( Clears throat )

Hello--
deborah thornberry.

I'm a senior.

That's strange.

Mrs. Myrtle has
a debbie thornberry

In her junior class.

Really?! Small world.

And you are?

Colin culpepper--
sixth through eighth.

So, colin, I see
little eliza is busy

With her schoolwork.

Oh, how quaint.

I don't suppose
she mentioned

That moi is the
intellectual one
in the family?

She's right, "duh-eb-or-ah"
is a total brainiac

And I know she would
just love to hear

All about a real intellectual.

Yeah! Uh, I mean, yes.

Why don't you two go inside?

Oh, it's more civilized.

Well! What can I say?

Even as a newborn

I showed signs of
unusual intelligence.

( Door shuts )

( Quietly ):
come on, darwin

Let's go find
that dragon.

Wow! Look!

That thing must be
even bigger than I thought!

How big is this lizard?

I'll bet it's
ten feet long!

Ten feet?! Wasn't
there something

You were supposed
to do at camp?

I have to write
a paper

And I'm great
at history.

It'll take, like,
two minutes.

( Pounding )

( Hooting )

It's the dragon, darwin.

That's him!

( Birds squawking )

They've just got
to be in here.

Oh, please, please, tell me
the dragon didn't eat my eggs!

Nothing's safe
from that monster.

Are you all right?

That dragon would
have eaten us

If we hadn't flown away.

Where are my eggs?

( Honking )

( Screaming and honking )

( Screaming )

Is he gone?

He smelled me.

I didn't know what to do.

Once they've got
your smell

On that tongue
of theirs

You're in big trouble.

Wait-- they smell
with their tongues?

Oh, yeah, that's
why they do that...

I just barely got
into the water.

He lost my scent.

Did you see which
way he went?

I think he lives
over that hill.

Oh, but that'll
take forever.

Come on, darwin, we're
going to have to hurry.

I was the only baby
in the hospital

Capable of taking
my own temperature.

Cool!

( Donnie babbling )

Nice to see you haven't
lost your appetite, donnie.

Do try to sit still.

The doctor's office is
right around the corner.

Oh, no, you've
got it, too!

( Chuckling )

Not possible, dearest.

For the past few years

I have systematically built up
an immunity to poisonous plants

By rubbing them
all over my body.

Oh, you did?

Oh, yes!

Didn't you notice the smell?

( Sighs )

( Panting )

( Sighs deeply )

So, with just 11 moves,
I won again.

And for the third year

( Yawns )
I was the champion

Of the emerson
junior high
chess club.

Man, you are a nerd!

Eliza:
I don't see him

Anywhere, darwin.

We'll never find
that dragon.

That's all right, I was
getting hungry anyway.

Dinner! Oh, no!
If my folks come back

And they talk
to mr. Culpepper

I haven't even
started that paper.

Just write it tomorrow.

If I don't do it, mr. Culpepper
wants to ship me off

To some regular school.

What's wrong with that?

You and me,
other girls

Other chimps--
sounds like fun!

Chimps aren't allowed in school.

What? Not even me?!

Let's go, we've got
a paper to write.

I know, I know, it's just

That we're leaving tomorrow
first thing.

I'm sorry, I know
how much you wanted
to see that lizard.

It's all right,
I guess it's no big thing.

( Gasps ):
yes, it is!

( Growling )

( Growling and hissing )

( Growling )

We've seen him!

Time to get back to camp!

( Howling )

Boy, where have you been?

We've been looking
for you all day.

I'm eliza and this is
my friend, darwin.

( Laughs nervously )

So nice to meet you

And so close to dinner.

( Gasps )

( Hissing )

What are you staring at?

( Gasps )

Could I get you
a tissue?

( Snarls )

Never mind.

Well, it's been
great to meet you.

Of course it is.

Too bad you won't have time
to get to know me better.

Oh, well, why?
Are you going somewhere?

No, but you are.

I'm starving--

Haven't eaten a thing all day.

( Whimpering )

( Hooting )

Jujube?

No, thank you.

I eat only meat.

( Hissing )

( Growling )

You know,
I read somewhere

That too much meat
in your diet isn't
good for you.

Besides, doesn't it
get a little boring

Always eating
the same thing?

Who says I always eat
the same thing?

Sometimes I have wild boar

And then there's brush turkey

And horse and
goat and deer.

Oh, and let's not forget
the occasional human.

Humans? They probably
aren't very tasty.

Oh, no, they're
delicious

Particularly with a little
monkey on the side.

Oh, darn, I'm a chimpanzee.

( Both scream )

I'm not picky.

( Gasps )

And it was in college
that I discovered

That I could keep
my beloved textbooks

In almost mint condition
if I was careful

Never to open the book
more than an inch or so.

The people in the library
considered me a sort of hero.

Aah! Enough already!

You know what?

I don't really care
about textbooks or chess.

I like rock 'n' roll

Really, really loud,
pulsing rock 'n' roll.

Come on!

You don't want
to talk to me;

You want to go teach
eliza something.

She's gone!

( Both gasp )

( Roars )

( Grunts )

( Roaring )

Run, darwin!

( Hooting )

Culpepper:
ooh...

Eeh, oh...

Eliza!

Eliza, is that you?

( Cries out )

Oh, for pete's sake!

( Grunts )

( Panting )

( Both panting and gasping )

( Crying out )

( Yells )

( Whining )

Run for it

Mr. Culpepper!

Oh... Oh...

Eliza! Come back here!

( Both gasping and panting )

( Both scream )

( Thud )

Where are we?

( Whispering ):
it's some kind
of burrow.

Something dug out
all the dirt!

Like a fluffy-bunny
kind of something?

No, like a dragon
kind of something.

Come on, let's get
out of here!

This way.

( Panting nervously )

( Growling )

( Hissing )

( Both panting and whimpering )

I can't see.

Grab the flashlight
out of my backpack.

Darwin, I said
a flashlight!

( Thud )

( Dragon growling )

( Both gasp )

( Both scream )

( Dragon hissing )

( Growling )

Darwin, hurry!

( Both panting )

( Roars )

Eliza thornberry, why aren't you
working on your paper?!

( Moaning )

( Gasps )

( Panting )

( Donnie jabbering excitedly )

Well, I wouldn't worry.

It doesn't do much
more than itch

But you're going
to have to wash

All his clothes.

He doesn't actually
wear clothes.

Oh, and doctor, would you
mind looking at my husband?

He got near it, too.

Silly biscuit,
didn't I tell you?

I've developed
an immunity.

Now, let me see.

( Jabbering )

Your husband's right.

This isn't the work
of toxicodendron.

Really?!

Yes, your husband has

The chicken pox.

Really?!

Oh, smashing!

Missed it as a boy.

Oh, no!

( Groans )

Culpepper:
eliza

Is that you?

Here, take my hand.

Mr. Culpepper!

( Growling )

( Hisses )

( Screaming )

Oh, my gosh, come on, darwin!

( Panting )

What are we
going to do?

( Yelling )

( Roars )

( Whimpering )

Hey, dragon breath!

( Screams )

( Eliza grunting )

Come on, mr. Culpepper!

Can't we hide
somewhere?

No, he's got our scent!

Oh, wait, that's it!

( All gasping )

That was inspired, eliza!

I'm glad you think so.

That was my paper.

Eliza!

Oh, come on.

I think it's safe now.

( Growling )

( Screaming )

Eliza:
head for that tree!

Dragons can't climb trees!

On the count
of three, jump!

One... Two... Three!

Yes!

( Cheering )

( Gushing ):
oh, that was
incredible, eliza!

It was much better
than chess club ever was!

Oh, you were great.

Thanks.

You did a pretty good job
keeping up.

I did, didn't i?

( Nigel groaning,
donnie jabbering )

( Gasps )

Wha...

Mr. Culpepper?!

You look cool.

What a great life
you have out here!

Forget the paper!

Forget president
martin van halen

Or whatever
his name was!

You mean I don't have to write
the paper?

You can write about
today's adventure instead.

Oh, yes, this is so cool!

And I promise it'll be
in perfect condition.

And you know what?

I'm going to start it right...

( Rustling )

( Gasps )

Oh, wow...

( Sighs ):
oh... Now.
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