02x03 - Goldenguy

[bunniefuu]

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]

♪ A secret story
Somewhere in time ♪

♪ An unsolved mystery
Playing in your mind ♪

♪ A time for action
A fire we must light ♪

♪ A new beginning A
tale we must write ♪

♪ So come with me
It's now or never ♪

♪ So come with me Let's
do this together ♪

♪ Come with me On
this adventure ♪

♪ Come with me Let
this last forever ♪

♪ So come with me ♪

[dramatic spy music playing]

[narrator] Children, don't
worry, your screen isn't broken.

Soon, there will be plenty
of action to soak in.

So don't look away.
Stay focused and rapt,

because our friends Guy and
E.B. have just been kidnapped!

- [Guy groans]
- [E.B. gasps]

[kidnapper] All
right, cough it up!

Who are you? And how long have
you been working with the Yooks?

What? We're not
working with anyone.

There's no point
in lying about it.

Everything you say is being
monitored by my lie detector,

Jeremy.

[snarls, growls]

We know you're Pam
I-Am's operatives.

Operatives?

We barely know Pam I-Am!

[Jeremy] Hmm…

- Huh?
- [eye whirring]

Mm-hmm. Hm!

[suspenseful music playing]

Uh!

Mm-hmm?

Ugh!

Then what were you doing
in East Flubria, huh?

We were looking for… uh, um...

Pam I-Am?

[kidnapper] A-ha!

No! She's our friend's mom.

We just met her yesterday.

We tracked her down using her
signature green eggs and ham recipe.

Ah, the old "friend's mom with
a signature recipe" excuse.

Think I've never heard
that one before, kid?

If you really are a kid!

This child mask is incredible.

Thank you?

Oh, we'll get it off… somehow.

- [rubber snaps]
- [laughing maniacally]

[both gasp]

[laughing continues]

[boat engine roars]

[narrator] Oh, I love
a good boat chase!

Pam's hot on the trail

of her rival, her enemy,
her… her big old white whale!

[kisses]

Next stop, Zookia.

[musical sting]

What?

It's go time, Pammy.

Nice day at the beach?

[laughs] A little
hot for my taste.

Think I can help you with that.

[beeps]

[sprayer rattling]

Huh?

[sprayer rattling, wheezing]

[ice clinks]

[chuckles]

Cheers, Pam-Pam!

- [ice crackling]
- [boat engine roars]

[groans]

[ice crackling]

[Pam] What the…

Sam?

[shivering] Mom, hey. What's up?

[sighs]

[beeps]

Don't worry, I'm g-g-good.

Though I do think

some of my organs
might be shutting down.

- [shaker clinking]
- [expl*si*n]

I had him.

That handsome cat? Cool.

- [groans softly]
- Shouldn't we keep following after?

Gotta snag that Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Save the Yooks!

What's the holdup?

You, Sam, you are the holdup.

You're the one endangering
the Yooks, and yourself.

I told you to go home.

You did, and I appreciate
the heck out of it.

Trying to keep your son
safe, classic mom behavior.

And?

And I want to return
the favor, crazy lady!

Keep you safe.

In another life, I was a con artist,
a tricksmith, a confuser-man.

So I'm no stranger to danger,

and you need someone with real-life,
hands-on danger experience

to watch your back!

No, I need to get
you back to shore.

But then Trousers would be long
gone, and the Moo-Lacka-Moo with him.

So?

- If you promise not to get in the way…
- Yes?

…and you don't, you know, yell
loudly like you always do…

Yes?

…you can come, for now,

just until I find somewhere
safe to drop you off.

[softly] Heck yes.

And then it's back to
Glurfsburg with your friends.

- [kidnapper] This mask is on pretty tight.
- Uh! Mm!

It's not a mask!

[sighs] We're
gonna need the saw!

- [gasps]
- She's a kid!

Uh…

She's my kid,

and neither of us have anything
to do with the Yooks or Pam I-Am.

- You're lying!
- [saw buzzing]

- Ah!
- I swear I'm telling the truth!

[kidnapper] We'll
see about that.

Jeremy!

[Jeremy growls]

Hmm.

Hmm…

[chain saw revs]

[laughing maniacally]

[Guy and E.B. yell]

[laughs]

[whimpers]

Ah!

[laughs]

[Jeremy clears throat]

Hm!

Oh wow! [Chuckles]

Turns out you were
telling the truth.

In that case…

[grunts]

[kidnapper] Welcome to Zookia.

Whoa!

Whoo! You guys really were in the
wrong place at the wrong time.

Good thing we rescued you.

[clatters]

You mean kidnapped.

I think that's a
little dramatic.

[clears throat]

My name's Hayzel,

and on behalf of the Zookian.
- Tourist Board/ - Secret Police…

We'd like to welcome you
to our beautiful country!

Come on, go ahead. Take a look.

I don't want to take a look.

I want answers.

I want to take a look.

No, don't! Close your eyes.

Seriously?

Now, you "rescued"
me and my kid,

you flew us to a foreign
country against our will,

we have no idea what
we're doing here.

I have some questions
and I want them answered!

Of course.

We don't mean you any harm.

I'm supposed to believe that?

You're the bad guys.

We aren't the bad
guys, I promise.

You must be thinking
of the Yooks.

No, the Yooks are the good guys.

Pam told us all about it.

Oh, poor girl.

You've been brainwashed.

Brainwashed? What do you mean?

[whistles]

[grunts]

I'm afraid the Yooks have been
lying to you about our country.

This is the truth.

[patriotic music playing]

[female voice]
Welcome to Zookia.

A nation with
bustling city life,

an idyllic countryside,

and just about
everything in between.

[narrator] Hey, what is
this? Another narrator?

This is my gig, lady!
Who is this hater?

[female voice] It's just
for this film, buddy.

You'll be back later.

[narrator] Oh, cool.
I get it. Sorry!

Kinda freaked out there.

[female voice] Yet what really makes
Zookia so wonderful is the people.

But it's important
to stay vigilant,

because right on the border live

- the Yooks.
- [thunder rumbles]

And they are terrible!

Inconsiderate, arrogant, shrill,

not to mention lazy, loud,
surly, frumpy, dumpy,

shifty, grifty,
stupid, shrewd, rude,

cantankerous, wamnankerous,

dishonest,
disheveled, dyspeptic,

and generally
unpleasant to be around.

[snarling]

You'll never know a Yook is lurking
until the moment they just strike.

But fear not, for there is one
foolproof way to spot a Yook,

perhaps, their worst quality,

uncivilized, barbaric.

You see, the Yooks
eat their toast

with the butter side up.

- [screams]
- [gasps]

So from me, the Crown Dookess of Zookia,
and the rest of our glorious nation,

welcome!

We hope you enjoy
your time here,

and remember, keep your spirits
up and your butter down.

[fanfare plays]

I am so sorry you had to see
toast buttered the Yook way.

Troubling imagery,
especially for a child.

So the Yooks are the bad guys?

That's not true!

We met a nice Yook in the
bazaar named Sylvester.

[scoffs] Sylvester?

That professional liar?

How many innocent little
orphans did he have this time?

Still got a fake gerbil?

Allan?

Well, Sylvester was
working with Pam, so…

Pam's a bad guy?

She was lying too?

- Well, she's certainly working for them.
- I knew it!

She's a bad mom and a bad guy!

E.B. could have gotten k*lled.

[narrator] Just who's really
bad here, Pam and the Yooks,

or these new folks with Guy
that call themselves Zooks?

Seems like one, then the other.

We keep on hopscotching.

I guess that's why you'll
have to keep watching.

Huh? Hmm?

Wait! What about Sam?

Don't worry. We're
already on it!

We have our top secret
agent on the case.

His name is…

Trousers… Hm.

Philip Trousers.

Looking good. Bottoms up!

I do like my drink
with just a splash.

[chuckles]

Top humor, Phil.

Clever, fun, thought-provoking.

[spits]

Again?

[dramatic spy music playing]

[blabbering]

Stop that, you're
slowing us down!

Roger that.

Oh man, mom and son,

watching each other's
backs, doing spy stuff.

Oh! We forgot to come
up with code names.

No code names.

Message received, Mama Bear.

No code names!

Oh-oh! Top five, all of time,
iconic mom-son spy duos. Go!

Sam, do you remember what'll happen
to me if I fail at my mission?

I need to focus.

What are those?

[Pam] The Tinytopian Islands.

They're tiny! We're
not gonna fit!

We'll see about that!

[Sam] Whoa!

Hey, Phil.

Ha!

[civilians screaming]

Ah!

[exclaiming]

[screams]

Might wanna hold on! [Grunts]

Holy moly!

[all yelling]

Here!

Sorry! That's our bad!

Mom, whoa!

That was sick! Better than sick.

- It was completely healthy!
- Thanks.

Roberta and Pedro have
got nothing on us.

Roberta and Pedro?

The number four mom-son spy duo.

We gotta be creeping
up that list.

- Three, maybe even two.
- [laughs]

- [Philip] Bye-bye, losers.
- Huh?

Trousers still has
the upper hand.

Not for long, with Mama
Bear at the controls.

Ain't so bad having
someone to watch your back.

- [alarm blaring]
- Uh-oh.

Ah!

[train horn blows]

- Oopsie doozle.
- No, no, no, no, no!

[grunts]

[boat bubbling]

[engine roars]

[Sam] Okay…

Well, that definitely dropped
us out of the top ten.

[growls]

- [bell ringing]
- [panting]

Got a bit of good news.

We've got you booked on the next
cold air zeppelin back to Glurfsburg.

Only three layovers!

Ugh…

Well, it'll be good
to be back home, huh?

Maybe don't mention the whole

"everything we just
experienced" thing to your mom.

- [bell tolls]
- Look, Big Glen!

Oh, can't we stay a
little longer, Guy?

I really want to see the
Zookian Aquatic Center.

Says here they have diving pools
and whirlpools and carpools,

and eight different
water slides.

They have stuff like
that everywhere.

Not in Yookia.

Their aquatic center is just a big,
dirty hole they fill with a hose.

Yuck!

Guy, can we, can
we, can we, please?

I'm sorry, E.B., but we gotta
get you home to your mom safe,

and I need to get back to work.

Oh, working man. What
do you do for a living?

He has his own shop.

Guy's an inventor.
He's really good.

Ooh. An inventor, huh?

[bell clangs]

[tires squealing]

[driver panting]

Wait, where are we going?

[Hayzel] Just a
quick, little detour.

Something I think
you'll want to see.

Oh my.

[Hayzel] Welcome to the Zook
Institute of Technology.

[groans]

If I'm not mistaken, there's even a
state-of-the-art invention lab in there.

State-of-the-art?

[Hayzel] The statest!

We've got five hours
until your float leaves.

Want to take a tour?

Of course he wants to.

Um…

[dramatic spy music playing]

Nothing against Roberta
and Pedro, seriously,

but Andrea and Dylan just have
a certain je ne sais quoi.

They're the best in the
biz, until we take 'em down.

[muffled] Blah blah blah
blah. Blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah!

Oh! Lunch break!

And I know what
Mom's cooking up:

A little G.E. and H.

Can I get a "amen"
from the choir?

Green eggs and ham would
be beyond sick on a buoy.

We're not having lunch, Sam.

Then what's going on?

Trousers is getting away
with the Moo-Lacka-Moo!

Exactly, he keeps getting away,

so I need you to
get on this buoy

and take this flare g*n.

Once I leave, fire it into the air,
and a rescue boat will pick you up.

I don't understand, Mom.

You said I could come.

I said you could come as long
as you didn't get in the way.

- And?
- You turned my boat into a train!

Okay.

[chuckles] Fair critique,
but I'll get better.

Every mistake is a chance
to learn and grow, right?

There's no time
for learning, Sam.

If I blow this mission,
I'm out in the cold.

And I can't do my job if I have to
keep one eye on you all the time

to make sure you don't
accidentally blow up my boat!

Mom, come on, I'm
not gonna blow up...

Sam!

Uh…

Not really sure why you
even have that button.

[sighs]

Look, it's been really nice
spending this time with you

and being, you know…

Admired for the unbelievably
mega-cool super spy that you are?

Appreciate it, but it's
time for you to go home.

I'll be good, Mom. I swear.

I'll just sit quietly.

You won't even hear
a peep out of me.

- [zipping]
- Sam…

[zipping]

But you need me to
watch your back.

No, Sam, I don't.

I've been working
alone for years.

I don't need anyone
looking out for me.

[narrator] And Sam had a thought,
one he hoped wasn't true,

that with him, his mom
wanted nothing to do.

I'm sorry, Sam.

- I didn't...
- Totally! No. [Chuckles]

No worries. No worries.

No, I get it. I'm outie, like
a belly button. [Chuckles]

[chuckles sadly]

You handle the MLM, I'll
handle the buoy chill sesh.

Divide and conquer.

[chuckles]

I'll, uh…

I'll give you a call in Glurfsburg,
when things are a little less…

Goodbye, Sam.

[engine starts]

[sighs]

Bye, Mom.

Oh!

"Flair" g*n.

[Hayzel] The Zook
Institute of Technology.

ZIT has got labs and facilities for all
kinds of science, engineering and...

Nerd stuff?

Exactly.

Is that the Triple-Sling Jigger?

Sure is.

The newest model, just
came off the factory floor.

[gasps excitedly] The
Five-Fingered Fire Flinger!

I've seen it in Actually
Successful Inventors Magazine.

Oh! It can't be!

The Whizzoktek
Advanced Gear . ?

I thought it was still
just a prototype!

Oh, we have a great relationship
with the folks over at Whizzoktek.

They gave us an early peek.

Whoa!

Would you care to
try it out, Guy?

Do a little
inventing in our lab?

Uh…

You know what? Sure,
I'll give it a sh*t.

- Fantastic!
- [door buzzes]

Welcome to inventor heaven.

[powers up loudly]

- Yeah!
- It moved!

- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Wow!

Don't explode, don't
explode, don't explode!

[pedals cranking]

And… done.

Ah!

Whoa, I… I didn't know
there'd be an audience.

Tell them what it is, Guy.

Okay. In trying to win
your battle with the Yooks,

I noticed you keep building
bigger and bigger weapons.

But what if, instead,
you built an anti-w*apon?

Allow me to present the
Jigger-Rock Swat 'Em.

[indistinct murmuring]

[cricket chirping]

Ooh. How about a demonstration?

One volunteer, coming right up.

Uh-uh.

[groans]

[whimpers]

- [rock whistling]
- Ah!

Huh?

Phew!

[screams]

Ah…

[applauding]

[cheering]

[cheering continues]

Remarkable! Simply remarkable.

Hey, you're from that movie.

The, uh, the grand
lady from that movie.

Close, very close. Kind of.

I am the Dookess of Zookia,

and I must say, Mr. Am-I,

I am simply blown away
by your invention.

[expl*si*n]

[clattering]

I'm so sorry, Dookess.

I'll pay for all the damage.

Please, there is
no need for that.

You see, I think
you're onto something.

Zookia has been too focused on
taking the battle to the Yooks,

when our priority should
be protecting ourselves.

So please, stay a few days.

Keep working here at the lab
and see what you come up with.

I'm flattered, but no.

I have to get home and
provide for my family.

We'll be happy to pay
for your time, of course.

The nation of Zookia greatly
values inventionation.

[E.B.] Do it, dude.

We need the scratch.

Plus, I'm dying for a vacay.

Hmm…

I…

Will have to call your
mother, but, uh, sure.

We can probably stay a few days.

Wonderful! I'll start arranging
your accommodations immediately.

Yes! Free vacay! Whoo!

Free vacay.

Whoa!

- [cheering]
- [inventor] For Guy's a jolly good fellow!

[Guy] Yahoo!

[narrator] There's nothing quite
like it, support from the fam.

But Pam's riding solo since
she ditched her son, Sam.

[Pam] Ugh. Come on.

You did the right thing, Pammy.

The kid was a distraction.

He was screwing things up.

[firework banging]

See, he's fine. Better this way.

He'll be home safe, and you
can focus on the mission.

I don't need anyone
to watch my back.

[emotional music playing]

Ah!

Huh?

[suspenseful music playing]

[Pam] Whoa.

Don't you like my
three-hole punch?

Get it? Three holes? Punching?

- Very clever, Philip.
- [chuckling]

Thanks, I thought so.

But I'll get out of this
scrape just like I always do,

and I'll get back
that Moo-Lacka-Moo!

Oh, I wouldn't be so confident.

You see, this isn't
just any patch of ocean.

[snarls]

This is dolphacuda territory.

I really must be going now, Pam.

It's getting close
to dinnertime,

and it seems the main course is…

Is…

Oh, what is it?

- Uh… "You"?
- What?

Me?

Why would I be the main course?

No, I mean you referring to me,

like I'm the main course.

Oh… right.

You don't understand, do you?

[chuckles] I really don't.

Ta-ta, Pam.

[boat engine roars]

Ah!

[gasps]

[narrator] Pam's boat is half
sunk, and the 'cudas are vicious,

and the gossip among them
is Pam looks delicious.

Seems like they'll make her
their next bedtime snack.

[dolphacuda snarls]

[narrator] Shame she's got no
one here watching her back.

- [snarls]
- Ah!

[Pam yells]

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]