02x06 - You Only Mom Twice

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Green Eggs and Ham". Aired: November 8, 2019 – April 8, 2022.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Animated comedy adventure series loosely based on the 1960 Dr. Seuss book of the same title.
Post Reply

02x06 - You Only Mom Twice

Post by bunniefuu »

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]

♪ A secret story
Somewhere in time ♪

♪ An unsolved mystery
Playing in your mind ♪

♪ A time for action A
fire we must light ♪

♪ A new beginning A
tale we must write ♪

♪ So come with me
It's now or never ♪

♪ So come with me Let's
do this together ♪

♪ Come with me On
this adventure ♪

♪ Come with me ♪
♪ Let this last forever ♪

♪ So come with me ♪

[whimsical music playing]

[narrator yawns]

Oh, so sorry. It's
impolite of me to yawn.

I was up all night narrating till
the break-a, break-a break of dawn.

Well, good morning,
Mother Squail.

[narrator] Oh! Oh, there's E.B.

[softly] She's why
I'm so tuckered out.

I had the most whimsilarating
time of my life last night.

[sighs happily]

Looka is so wonderful.

He's got the coolest hair, soulful
eyes, and a passion for poetry.

[gasps] Wha-oh.

The sun's coming up. I
gotta get home A-S-A-now!

Before Guy realizes
I've been out all night.

Dumb sun. Rise slower!

[chittering]

[happy music playing]

[gasps]

Halt! Who goes…

There?

[chittering]

Get out of here. Come on,
shoo, you silly squail.

Scram, will you!

Go, go, go, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Come on. Get out of
here! Shoo, shoo, shoo!

Huh?

[panting]

[grunts]

Whoa!

[Guy] Up and at 'em,
E.B. Time to get up.

Rise and shine.

- Sun's up.
- [snoring loudly]

[sighs, yawns]

What do you know?
So it is. Oh man!

What a full, thorough, and
uninterrupted night's sleep I just had.

[chuckles] Well, got
to run off to the lab.

Have fun exploring Zookia
with your new funpass today.

I'm ready for another exciting
day of exploring Zookia with my…

My funpass.

Oh no. I lost my funpass.

[gasping] Where could it be?

Oh no.

[jellycopter blades whirring]

[dramatic spy music playing]

[sizzling]

[Sam] Any sign of
Trousers yet, Mom?

The jellycopter is
almost out of juice.

And by "juice" I mean jelly.

[alarm blaring]

[narrator] Oh, good morning.
I'm up, fresh, and ready to go,

while our heroes are hot
on the tail of their foe.

Keep us in the air a
little longer, Sam.

We're closing in on Trousers.

Will do, Double-O-Mom.

- We're out of brizzumberry.
- [glass shatters]

Switching to fig.

- [bell ringing]
- [powering up]

Hurry, Mom!

We gotta get the Moo-Lacka-Moo
before it's too-lacka-late.

I know-knocka-know.
I mean, I know.

Radar says he's
almost in our sights.

[beeping]

[beeping stops]

What the…

Where'd he go? Ah!

[sputtering]

[alarms blaring]

Whoa!

Mom, is everything okay? Ah!

Ah! Fig!

[bubbling]

Everything's fine.

We're just flying over
the Keela-Kee Trapezoid.

The Keela-Kee
Trapezoid? What's that?

A mysterious island that is the site of
hundreds of unexplained disappearances.

You know, "fine" isn't exactly
the word I'd go for here.

"Terrifying," "super-insane," and
"explode-y" feel more appropriate.

Let's turn around.

No. I didn't earn these medals
for not completing my missions.

Trousers is down
there some place.

Time to rock and jelly-roll.

[air whistling]

[alarms beeping]

Hang on.

[whooshing sound]

[whooshing continues]

Mom, not to call your parenting
into question here, but...

Whoa!

- [indistinct automated warning]
- [clicking]

[whooshing]

Brace yourself.

[blades whipping]

[grinds to halt]

Come on, Sam. Move. Move.

[loud expl*si*n]

[splattering]

Yup, definitely explode-y.

Here, let me take a look at you.

Are you all right?
Anything hurt?

All good. I think I
just jammed my finger.

Mm-mm-mm.

Brizzum-fig.

Great. Let's move.

I gotta get the Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Mm. Right.

Time to finish the mission
and save the world.

[jungle birds chirping]

[Sam] Ooh, which way do we go?

There.

Where there's smoke,

there's Trousers.

[Philip grunting] Come on…

All right.

[strains]

All my strength and… [grunts]

[exhales]

Stay calm.

Philip, stay calm.

[leaves rustling]

Just make sure you have
your most precious cargo.

Oh goodness. I'm a wreck.

Perfect.

[kisses]

[gasps]

[eerie music playing]

Lucky I still have you.

What the dickens! Argh!

You cheeky devil.

Don't make me chase you.

[grunts]

Huh? Oh, right.

[screams]

Oof!

[moans]

Please, don't make me chase you.

[creature snarls]

[Philip] All right, but
you'll pay for this.

And for my tailoring.

[eerie music playing]

[whooshing]

[narrator] As Trousers runs
into a tropical jungle…

- Pass me the flench right here.
- I'm on it, sir.

[narrator] …Guy's hard at
work on a job he can't bungle.

According to my calculations,
if we adjust the influx valve,

it will reroute the
inhibitor to the core.

[sighs] There, that
should do the trick.

[sparking]

[loud bang]

Really impressive work, sir.

That one lasted twice
as long as the others.

At this rate, I bet the Dookess would
love to have you here permanently.

And on a personal
note, so would I.

[exhales] It would
be a big change.

- To pick up everyone's lives and move…
- [mail bell dinging]

I'd have to have a
really great reason.

Huh.

What's this?

Would you look at
that. It's beautiful!

There's me, Michellee,
E.B., and a baby.

Aw.

He looks just like me.

A baby?

[frantic upbeat music playing]

[panting]

[door opens]

What the…

What?

[breathing heavily]

Ma'am…

Ma'am, this invention
I'm inventing…

I was wondering, is there
any way we could turn it into

a job?

A job?

Ah. So you invent for us
here in Zookia full-time?

Fuller than full-time. I
could be your Royal Inventor.

Uh-huh. What kind of
benefits are you looking for?

The basics.

Diaper wiper, swaddle
service, rattle rental.

Housing accommodations?

Whatever you can accommodate.

And what about starting salary?

I'll take it.

Oof. You're a tough negotiator.

I just want to provide
for my family, Ma'am.

And I promise if you
give me the chance,

I'll build you an invention that's
exactly what the Zooks need.

Congratulations, Guy.

You are hired.

Thank you so much, Dookess.

You won't regret it.

By the way, that's
a beautiful picture.

Who painted it?

It's my wife's. She's a painter.

Hmm. She's quite good.

I could actually use a new
Royal Portraitist as well.

- Huh?
- [Dookess] She's hired too.

Hey, but…

I'm sure she'll be
thrilled with the news.

Uh…

Yeah. I'm… I'm sure she
will be, when I call her.

I gotta go.

[Pam] Stay close.

There's something dark, and
dare I say, evil about this.

- [low growl]
- Whoa!

Uh, Mom?

Just balance.

Yeah, speaking of balance,

our lives have kind of
been in non-stop danger.

I'm not saying your
priorities are out of whack...

Sam, spies don't
have priorities.

We have spyorities.

And spyority number
one is always

complete the mission,
no matter what it takes.

Great advice.

Man, you are k*lling it
at this mom thing, Mom.

[growling]

[yelps]

How high of a spyority are hugs?

- [teeth snap]
- Ah!

[growling]

Well, howdy-hey-hello
there, new neighborados!

Welcome to the Trapezoid,
my lovely people.

What brings you
to the Keela-Kees?

[Sam] A top secret mission,

specifically... [muffled]

Tourists. Looking for trinkets.

Come along. We don't
have time for this, Son.

Oh, on the contrary, Mary,
you got nothing but time.

What are you talking about?

Ya see, time works a little
different-like here on the Keela-Kees.

The closer you get to
the center of the island,

the younger you are.

Therefore, I am stuck here.

You've got a boat. Why
don't you just leave?

Ha-ho! No can do, shampoo.

I'm literally 267 years old.

If I take a few steps thataway,

I'll be so old that I'll walk straight
into the sweet embrace of death.

And if I walk a couple
of steps thataway,

I'll be so young that I'll
be covered in turkey pox.

So I just stay right here,
in my perfect little spot.

And if you keep looking,
you might just find yours.

[scoffs] This is absurd.

There's no way any of this is…

Possible.

Hey, what happened to my medals?

I had a whole shoulderful.
But now a bunch are gone.

[gasps]

And my finger's unjammed.

Whoa. The legend is true.

We walked deeper
into the jungle, so…

So we've aged backwards.

Well, we're not letting
anything stop us.

We have to complete the mission.

Ha! That's a top-shelf
attitude you got right there.

And you're gonna need it when
you meet the kangarangutans.

Kanga-what-a-what's?

The kangarangutans.

You see, this is their island.

And what they find
here, they take.

Did they take all your shirts?

No, that's a personal
style choice.

Sounds like we just got more
competition for the Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Best of luck to you,
new friend-chiladas.

Vaya con queso.

[panting] Right, where
are you? Come on.

- I'll find you.
- [snarl]

- [Philip] What?
- [whooshing]

[whimpers]

What's happening to me?

[birds chirping]

[whooshing]

Oh wow.

Is this something
from your past?

I infiltrated a
deadly biker g*ng.

That was when I first
learned to fly a motorcycle.

[laughs] So sick.

[whooshing]

This is awesome.

I just wish I could have been on
more of these missions with you.

We'll make that more of
a spyority from now on.

[whooshing]

[Sam] Whoa. What was going
on with this mission?

That was a bad hair decade.

Very chic.

[whooshing]

Okay, now this, you
gotta tell me about.

I can't. I took
a vow of silence.

[faint snarling]

Oh! Whoa. Paws off, buddy.

[gasps] Sam, look!
The Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Come on, Sam, this way!

I'm with you, Mom.

Whoa, Mom, when did
you go to space?

A long time ago.

Somewhere far, far
away. Now, come on.

[snarls]

[Sam] Mom! How about
a piggyback ride?

Later, Sam. Keep running.

Pwease?

- In a minute.
- You promise?

- Yes, Sam, I…
- [whooshing]

[gasps]

[toddler voice]
Mom? What's wrong?

[narrator] One look at her boy,
and Pam could no longer run.

Mom?

[narrator] Sam's
the same age he was

when she last saw her son.

[emotional music playing]

Mama, Mama,

will you make it for me?

Of course I will, honey.

Here, Sam. Try them.

Mama, Mama.

[emotional music swells]

Okay, forget about
the piggyback ride.

The Moo-Lacka-Moo's
getting away.

We're not going.

What?

We're going back. This is too
dangerous for a boy your age.

But the mission…

- What about...
- Don't talk back to me, Sam.

- I'm your mother and I said we're...
- [Sam] No!

All you've talked about is how
important the Moo-Lacka-Moo is.

So I will go get it,
even if you won't.

Sam, come back!

Sam!

Sam!

[whooshing]

[baby voice] Sam
wants Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Moo-moo.

[low growl]

[snarls]

[growling]

[Sam] Sam wants Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Give me Moo-Lacka-Moo. Moo-moo.

Sam I-Am…

Ooh.

Goo-goo-goo-ga-goo.

Sam!

[gasps]

[growling]

[Sam cries]

Sam!

No, no, no, no, no!

Get away from him.

[crying]

I've got you.

It's okay. It's okay, Sam.

- I'm here.
- [crying]

That's right. Mommy's here.

Mommy's here.

[crying stops]

[low growls]

[narrator] Oh no. What's next?

Will the beasts poke,
punch, or smother?

Or offer a gift of peace,

to one mother from another,

and another,

and another?

Thank you.

- [Sam giggling]
- Oh no, no, no, no.

That definitely does
not go in your mouth.

[cries]

Mmm.

Is it okay if we stay here
just a little bit longer?

We're in our perfect spot.

[emotional music playing]

[snarls]

[Philip, voice cracking]
Stop right there!

What was that?

It sounded like a boy with
vocal cords ravaged by puberty.

[growls]

Trousers?

Yes. Now hand over
the Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Move it, beast.

[growls]

Come on, Sam.

[roars]

Don't worry, Sam. I've got you.

Mama.

Oh, was that your first word?

Your first word was...

Mama.

- [whooshing]
- And my second word is "Mommy."

- [whooshing]
- And my third word is "Mom."

Yeah! A piggyback ride.

Ah, this is more like it.

Get a move on, you
bulbous buffoon.

[roars]

Ugh. Just break through,
you dumb animal.

Sam, are you old enough
to run on your own?

I don't know.

I think so.

You can do it. I need you
to be a big boy for Mommy.

[growls]

Come on, Sammy! You can do it.

You can do it.

[roars]

Oh my gosh. Your first steps.

[growling]

Keep going.

Go, honey, go!

[roaring]

Look, Mom, watch this.

No showboating, Sam.
Just keep running.

- [grunts]
- Sam, hop on.

Whoa!

Ah!

You promise you won't let go?

I promise. I'm not letting go.

You got it, Sam.
You're doing it.

I'm doing it?

[Pam] You're doing it.

- You're riding a bike.
- Hey, Mom, check this out.

No hands.

No hat!

[whooshing]

[growls]

Let's go, Sam. Faster!

[bike bell dinging]

But not too fast. And no more stunts.
And why aren't you wearing a helmet?

Aw, Mom.

Helmets are for babies.

- Ugh.
- Say, "Thank you."

Thank you. Huh?

Whoa! I lost a tooth.

Oh! Put it under
your pillow tonight.

Sam, your fur's in your eyes.

Here, let me get it.

Mom! Stop!

I like it this way.

But then I can't see
your beautiful face.

[sighs] Teenagers.

- [loud roar]
- [gasps]

[creature stomping]

[gasps] I got a plan!

Ooh!

Why, there you are.

[whooshing]

This way.

This island has done
wonders for my wrinkles.

Now!

- What?
- Huh?

[Philip screams]

[huffing laugh]

- [Sam laughs]
- Come on.

Oh, my perfectly coiffed image.

[Philip shrieks]

Oh come on!

Haven't I suffered enough?

Ah!

- [whooshing]
- Whoa! Whoo-hoo!

I'm so proud of you.

Thanks, Mom! I couldn't
have done it without you.

[scoffs] You may have
won this round, Pam I-Am.

[whimpers]

But didn't you hear? The Zooks,
they've a new, unstoppable w*apon.

[laughs]

An inventor whose every invention
immediately explodes. Bang!

[laughs]

Nice crocopotamus.

We can be friends, can't we?

Oh, it appears we can't.

[laughs nervously]

Ha! Exploding inventions.

[gasps] They have Guy!

[gasps] They must have E.B. too.

Mom, we have to get to
Zookia and save them.

How do we get off
this island? [Groans]

Whoa…

Maybe I can help.

[screams]

Stay back.

[wheezing laugh]

It's just me, your
chum-padre-bo,

with a gift to you,
my gotta-go amigos.

Hey! Your boat!

But we can't.

She's your boat
now, Mommy and Son.

One look and I could tell
you two were special.

Take my chariot to the
seas and tell my story.

And I'll see you back here
next time, my duderinos.

Next time?

Time is a flat trapezoid, see?

[whistles] Whee!

It all comes around.

Like a circle in a square.

Like a T-R-I-angle inside a
quadrilateral… [continues]

Do you have any idea
what he's talking about?

None whatsoever. We should go.

…on an ever-spinning hexagon.

[honks loudly]

[honks]

[whirring]

[man] Or a rhombus on a ring
surrounded by concave polygons.

Did I just blow your mind?

I just blew my mind.

Okay, the fastest
route to Zookia

is from Anywhere
to Here to There.

- Then again…
- Sam.

We could go from There
to Anywhere to Here to...

Sam.

Hmm?

[emotional music playing]

I'm sorry.

For what?

For having the wrong spyorities.

For missing all of that.

For missing your whole life.

Come on.

You did the right
thing back then.

For both of us.

And you didn't miss
my whole life, Mom.

You're here right now.

[narrator] Wow.

I'm so glad I stayed up so late.

Pam I-Am finally got
her spyorities straight.

[whooshing]

And meanwhile, great news!

Michellee's expecting.

So Guy's been busy with
professional prospecting.

I'm telling you, the
timing couldn't be better.

Zookia is the perfect place
for our family to settle down.

Oh my, and they'll
really pay me to paint?

[Guy] Yup! You're a
professional paint painter.

This sounds like a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Even better, it's once
in a million lifetimes.

Are you sure you're
ready for this, Papa?

You haven't been a parent
for very long and now you're…

Well, you're about to
be double the parent.

[loud bang]

- [panicked yells]
- [crackling]

Trust me, I've never
been happier to be a dad.

Ah! Don't mean to bother you.

Listen, honey, I've got to go.

- My lab assistant's on fire.
- Huh?

Me and E.B. will give
you a call tonight.

Great. Me and the baby
will talk to you later.

[narrator] Hooray, everyone! For
once, our heroes are all right.

[both cough]

[assistant] Thank you, sir.

[narrator] Guess this means I can
finally head home for the night.

Uh… What's going on, gentlemen?

We found a clue connected to the person
spotted atop the wall the past two nights.

We were hoping you could
analyze the data for us.

What kind of evidence
did you find?

[narrator] Well, I'm
off. See you soon.

A warm bed's my next stop.

I'm so glad this episode
had no bombshells to...

And that's E.B.'s lost funpass.

Definitely qualifies
as a bombshell.

[sighs] I guess I'm
staying late again.

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]

[woman vocalizing]
Post Reply